


Paparazzi

by AlxSteele



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: (coming soon), ALL THE FLUFF, Actor!Alec, Alternate Universe - Celebrity, Alternate Universe - Human, Angst and Feels, Denial, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Happy Ending, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, Light Smut, M/M, Malec, Mostly just implied smut, Mutual Pining, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Popstar!Magnus, Protective!Izzy, Protective!Luke, Slow Burn, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, WIP, healthy relationship, it's marked, loooots of pining, lots of fluff, once angst ends, only a little
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-13
Updated: 2018-03-17
Packaged: 2018-08-08 14:40:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 31
Words: 219,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7761850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlxSteele/pseuds/AlxSteele
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Magnus Bane is a pop star best known for his break up songs and wicked dance sequences. Alec Lightwood is an actor best known for being the object of Magnus' songs. </p><p>When Alec’s new tv show gets picked up, a series of events throws Magnus back into his life, bringing up a mess of memories and confusion. Forced to spend more and more time together, will they ever figure their feelings out?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. It Must've Been Love, But It's Over Now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah! The first chapter of a new fic! First, a few warnings: 1. Angst. I'm not going to lie, it's here. BUT there will be a happy ending in the future and fluff. 2. I am not a pop star or an actor...I don’t actually know much about music and acting careers so you know, take everything with a grain of salt. 3. Rating is subject to change in future chapters! I'll add warnings and tags for it as I update!
> 
> So, tbh, I am so super excited and pumped for this! I hope you like it.
> 
> Fic title from Paparazzi by Lady Gaga  
> Chapter 1 title from It Must Have Been Love by Roxette
> 
> Ah, I nearly forgot, thanks to my awesome betas! They're literally the best!! And to just_here_to_read, for being so excited and reading my sneak peaks. And while we're here, everyone on Tumblr who's been telling me they're excited for this! You're all the best. <3
> 
> If you're interested I made a Paparazzi playlist that took ages to perfect [on Spotify here (I hope this link works)](https://open.spotify.com/user/nobody53/playlist/1PH1vX3XcFxwRxFYcXUMw7)
> 
> Casual reminder to yell at me on [Tumblr @imawriteriwrite](http://imawriteriwrite.tumblr.com/), I love getting commentary or asks or just simple messages, you can also do it on twitter if you would like you can tag it #Paparazzific

Alec didn’t know what he’d been expecting to hear when his phone rang but he knew he couldn’t breathe, hands shaking as he pulled it out of his pocket. He glanced over at Jace, whose eyes had gone wider than ever as he scooted to the edge of his seat.

They sat in their expensive loft, high in the riches of New York. They’d both been on edge all day, waiting to hear, snapping at any sound the other made. Alec found himself wishing all day that Isabelle was around. She was much better at handling the waiting, at making sure Alec and Jace didn’t kill each other as they grew more and more impatient.

Alec rubbed his hands on his legs, knowing without looking who was calling. He forced a breath out through clenched teeth, hand curling tightly around the phone as he tried to tell himself it wasn’t a big deal.

Alec met Jace’s gaze, waiting for Jace’s nod and taking a deep breath before hitting answer. Whichever way the call went, it affected both of them.

The next few moments blurred, everything happening too fast, leaving Alec stuck in the moment before he answered the phone, unable to believe what he was hearing.

Even as a grin crossed his face, he could barely process things. His racing pulse filled his ears, a rushing sound blocking out everything else. His heart had definitely stopped for a minute there and all he could do the whole time was sit and stare at his phone on the glass coffee table, on speaker for Jace to hear.

Alec reached forward slowly, hanging up the phone before turning to Jace, unbelieving smiles crossing their faces. Alec’s heart beat so hard and fast he was sure Jace had to be able to hear it. He couldn’t move, feeling completely numb from shock.

Jace was the first to move, jumping from the expensive white couch Izzy had insisted on outfitting the apartment with, screaming and pumping his arms.

Alec was in complete disbelief even as Jace pulled him to his feet, screaming and hugging Alec tight.

“Can you believe it?” Jace shouted and all Alec could do was shake his head. He really, really couldn’t. Was this real? Somehow this was more unbelievable than the call that told him he’d gotten the part was. This was…this was _big_. This was not just getting the part but the season, the series, being picked up. It was actually real, actually happening now…

Alec was grinning, at least he thought he was, that had to be why his face was hurting, right? It was hard to tell.

“Oh my god, we’re on a tv show…on tv!” Jace screamed in a voice that sounded almost angry, but Alec, having known Jace since he was a ten-year-old kid threatening to beat up everyone on the playground, knew that was Jace speak for overly excited. “We have to call, Izzy,” Jace grinned.

Even as he scrambled around to call Isabelle, Alec’s mind was a chaotic blur, he was barely aware of picking his phone up in his still shaking hand. Part of him refused to believe it was real, if he told Isabelle though, that would make it real.

“It was picked up, wasn’t it?” Isabelle’s voice screamed from the phone.

Alec winced, pulling the phone away from his ear.

“Damn right it was! Damn right!” Jace screamed.

Alec had to grin as Isabelle’s shrieks came through the phone. “I knew it!”

***

Magnus was in his crowded loft in LA, trying to write in a room full of people eagerly awaiting…something. Magnus honestly didn’t know what. He hadn’t been paying attention since they all got there, off in his own mind.

Magnus Bane was an award-winning pop-star. One who couldn’t, for the life of him, write a decent song.

Glancing around the lounge, it was easy enough to tell that hadn’t always been the case, awards and records hung on all the walls. Magnus had at least a part in writing every song he ever recorded, and he had three multi-platinum albums. Obviously, he could write. The problem was…he hadn’t written a decent song in almost a year.

Chewing on his pencil, forgetting the glitter that coated it until it was in his mouth, Magnus finally looked up. He’d forgotten anyone else was even there but all his best dancers were in town for their performance the next night, so, of course, they were staying with him. Plus, these people — Raphael and Ragnor, Isabelle, Clary, and Simon — they weren’t just Magnus’ dancers, but the only real friends he had.

So there they were, Magnus trying — and failing — to write a decent song when he should’ve been in the studio weeks ago… Surrounded by people anxiously biting their nails. Well, not everyone was. Raphael looked bored, staring at the dark tv screen and clearly wishing he hadn’t been outvoted in watching a movie. Ragnor — who wasn’t a dancer but was Magnus’ best friend — had wandered off. But Isabelle — Magnus’ best dancer—, Clary— who was practically Magnus’ little sister and a backup dancer —, and Simon — who wasn’t a dancer but a tag along — were all literally biting their nails.

Tossing aside the empty notebook that he’d been staring at, trying to will lyrics to come to him, Magnus wracked his brain to remember what they were waiting for. When it came to him a minute later, it was all too obvious.

Of course, he thought, Alexander would be finding out if his show was picked up any minute.

Magnus tried to ignore the way his heart twisted painfully even now, nearly two years later, when he thought about Alec. And yet, the pain still came even though Magnus knew, in every way it mattered, he’d moved on.

When Isabelle’s phone finally rang, everyone jumped off the dark suede couch. Isabelle moved so suddenly that her phone flew out of her hand, leading to a mad dash to catch it.

Isabelle screamed into the phone right away, nearly deafening Magnus who glared at her. The screaming didn’t stop, merely got louder.

Clary shouted over Isabelle, “What’s happening? Tell us!”

Laughing through suddenly teary eyes, Isabelle pulled the phone away from her ear to beam at the room. “They got picked up for a full season!”

As Clary screamed wordlessly, happy for her friends, and Simon clapped ironically in the background grinning nonetheless, Magnus slipped out of the room.

Wandering down the narrow, dark halls of his house, Magnus ignored his racing heart. He slipped into his music room, sitting down at the piano. He needed to have a new song to his label soon if he wanted to avoid their insisted ghostwriting.

Magnus closed his eyes, letting the feelings that were overwhelming him out through his hands, like he’d been doing his whole life. Since before his shitty parents died, since before Luke took him in, before he was discovered, and…before Alexander.

Magnus couldn’t help picturing Alec sitting next to him at the piano, watching silently as Magnus searched for a new melody and rhythm, the right words.

Shaking his head, Magnus dismissed the image, breathing deeply in and out as he rested his hands over the cool ivory keys, letting the music take over.

***

Alec still couldn’t believe it, lying in bed that night.

Ever since they’d bought the penthouse apartment in New York, which Jace and Izzy had picked out, it’d always felt uncomfortable, too neat and nice for Alec, too big. That night, his whole life felt that way.

This… This was all Alec had worked for, forever. Since he was born to a world famous actor and actress, he’d been groomed to be just like them; smart, beautiful, successful. And yes, most the time it sucked growing up like that with his parents pressure suffocating him, but Alec loved this part. Alec had _wanted_ this, wanted to act. And now…here he was, with a main part in a big tv show. A show that already had a massive fanbase from the books it was based on.

This…this was Alec’s big shot. He’d thought that had been his first big movie but, while it’d launched his career on a small level and made enough money, it didn’t take off the way they’d hoped. The last movie he’d been in had been a complete flop at the box office. But this…this could be _it_. This could be the part every actor waited and hoped for.

It didn’t feel real yet. Even talking to Isabelle, even going out for celebratory drinks with Jace and Lydia, an old family friend who was also staring in the show… Alec couldn’t shake the feeling it was all a dream.

It was the middle of the night when his phone buzzed on the bedside table. Reaching over, Alec opened the new text without checking to see who it was from. He sat up, heart lurching when he saw the name on his screen.

For a good minute, Alec couldn’t breathe. The shock of seeing that name pop up on his phone short-circuited…everything. He couldn’t think, couldn’t breathe; could only stare.

Glittery Bane of My Existence, the screen read.

 _Magnus,_ Alec’s heart said, twitching in his chest. Alec told his heart to shut up, it’d been two years, there was nothing there.

Yet Alec’s brain still flooded with a million pictures, memories that he didn’t want to be reliving right then.

Magnus Bane, he thought with a sigh, staring up at the dark ceiling of his nearly empty room. It was a name he didn’t let himself think often anymore.

Magnus had been discovered when he was seventeen, his first album came out when he was nineteen. Second when he was twenty-one. That was the year Alec met him. Magnus had been in the spotlight for a while but, after the very widespread break up of him and Alec’s then co-star Camille Belcourt, it was hard to glance at any magazine and not see him. And then…

Shaking his head to dispel the memory of the always sparkly pop-star wearing sweats and an overlarge hoodie, hair spiked up with green streaks and lots of glitter. Of eyes surrounded by makeup and shining as he grinned, eyes caught on Alec… Alec swallowed heavily, pretending he didn’t still remember exactly what he’d felt the moment he first saw Magnus.

Finally reading the text, Alec’s heart skipped and he slid the phone back onto the bedside table without replying.

_Congrats, Alexander._

***

Magnus laid awake in bed all night, unable to sleep. He tried to keep his mind occupied. Tried doing some light yoga to clear his overfilled head. Even counted sheep. Nothing worked. Nothing helped him sleep or stopped his spinning thoughts that always seemed to land on the same thing, or person, Alexander Gideon Lightwood.

Magnus had known from the second he saw Alec, standing with his sister as she waited to find out if she’d been picked as one of Magnus’ backup dancers; towering over everyone with his dark hair and hazel eyes that immediately caught Magnus’ attention. Even fresh off his very public break up with Camille, Magnus had looked at him, lost his breath, and known…that _this_ , was someone, _something_ important.

Magnus eventually texted Alec, something simple. It meant nothing. Except it meant everything. Magnus and Alec had spent the last year and a half — no, almost two years Magnus realized — carefully avoiding each other. So carefully in fact, that they hadn’t so much as talked or bumped into each other in all that time.

Magnus breathed shallowly, staring up at his dark ceiling, finding Chairman Meow’s soft purring next to his head to be comforting. The truth was, not a day went by when Magnus didn’t regret…everything. Not the singing and dancing. Not meeting Alexander. But everything that came after… Maybe things would’ve been better if they’d just remained friends or… Or Magnus hadn’t been a complete idiot.

Magnus was still awake hours later when a reply came.

Short and casual: thx.

Magnus let out a deep, shaky breath, turning over to finally go to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me your thoughts, you lovely biscuits! Anyone excited for more? 
> 
> Follow my [Tumblr](http://imawriteriwrite.tumblr.com/) ([imawriteriwrite](http://imawriteriwrite.tumblr.com/)) for more fun and things and yeah. I'm going to try to update at least once a week? We'll start with once a week and then see what happens. Maybe, though, if you're interested, chapter 2 can come sooner?
> 
> Comments and kudos give me life which I need to write, by the way. I hope you liked this. <3<3<3<3


	2. Tearin' Up My Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus and Alec see each other for the first time in two years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEEEEY! It's nice to see you all, so I've gathered you here today...for chapter 2! And I'm too tired to be allowed to post right now and write notes...  
> This chapter has things! And things that are starting! And yeah. Hope you enjoy! =D
> 
> Chapter title from Tearin' Up My Heart by 'N Sync (I've apparently decided to use older songs for chapter titles...look forward to that!)
> 
> Shout out to my amazing betas! <3

In the days that followed the pilot getting picked up, things slowly started to feel more real again to Alec. For the most part, besides signing contracts and talking here and there with various people, he had nothing to do yet. Which meant a lot of sitting around, thinking.

It felt strange, he finally decided. This was something he’d been hoping for, something he hadn’t let himself think about when it became an actual possibility and now, he wasn’t really that sure what to do with it all.

A few days after the show got picked up, their parents showed up to take Jace and Alec out to celebrate by way of a fancy dinner of tasteless food.

Alec sat there, listening to Robert and Maryse talk to Jace about how proud they were, how they knew he would get the part and knew the pilot would be picked up. They mostly ignored Alec, which was fine with him. He would’ve preferred not to be invited altogether, honestly.

Alec stared off into space, swirling his wine glass around and watching the dark red liquid move. His mind felt both blank and too full and hectic all at once. It was blank when it came to the things he should be thinking of. He was going to be starring in a TV show, this was _big_. He could remember just a few months before when he was cast and they filmed the pilot. He hadn’t been able to sit still. He was right there with Jace and Lydia, celebrating; over the moon that not only had they been cast but they were going to be starring together.

Alec remembered how light and excited he’d felt, his heart racing because finally this could be his big break. It wasn’t that Alec hadn’t acted before, he’d had a number of small parts, and a few bigger ones, but, after that last movie flopped, he’d barely done anything in nearly a year. So Alec had been dancing around in his socks excitedly — which he’d admittedly only done because Jace and Izzy were and he’d had a few drinks. This, though… It was like Alec was already waiting for the other shoe to drop, something to go wrong. He couldn’t even think about it.

The whirling part of his brain, however, was thinking about the person he’d been trying for two years to not think about. It still wasn’t working.

“So, Alexander,” his father said, making Alec wince.

“Alec,” Alec corrected instinctively. Alec had to force himself to set the wine glass down and look up at his father.

Robert Lightwood had made his name starring in a series of action movies where you were never sure if he was the good guy or the villain. That was back when Alec was thirteen, he hadn’t acted in over ten years. When Isabelle was born, their mom had stopped acting and, shortly after, their father had too, spending their time teaching their children everything they knew instead. Now, Robert’s hair was graying, and he was slightly out of shape, but at least he wasn’t the one who pretended Alec didn’t exist.

Maryse cut in before Robert could say anything. Glaring at her plate, she asked in a scathing voice, only after peering around to make sure no one was close enough to hear, “Are you…seeing anyone?”

Alec rolled his eyes, like he couldn’t feel the disappointment without the little show. Shifting uncomfortably, Alec shrugged. “Not really,” he muttered even as he urged himself to stand up, say something biting and walk out to never see them again. But Alec Lightwood wasn’t like that. Alec Lightwood was the kind of person to just sit there and watch, a bystander to a disaster waiting to happen.

It seemed that Maryse Lightwood had been disappointed in Alec’s abilities since the day he was born. Things had been best between them when Alec landed the lead role in his most popular movie — Idris, a bittersweet love story — not long after that however… Well, there was the whole Magnus thing. And, even if Alec wasn’t officially out, everyone knew. Including his parents. Neither of which had taken the news that their oldest son was gay very well, especially Maryse. Alec was surprised that he still had to bite back the anger that came with thinking about all that.

“Is Lydia excited?” Maryse asked sharply, pulling Alec from his thoughts as she cut her salmon into tiny bites.

Alec nodded, sipping his wine. “Very.”

“It will be good for you,” she said, avoiding eye contact, “Spending more time with her again.”

Alec knew what she wasn’t saying, that maybe Alec would realize he wasn’t gay after all and get back together with Lydia. What Maryse still didn’t understand was that Alec and Lydia were never real. It had worked for Lydia, who’d wanted to focus on her career and not dating; and it’d worked for Alec, who’d wanted the same thing. Until he’d changed his mind.

Alec cut his own thoughts short, saying, “Lydia’s especially happy to see the hot shot in action,” he said, nodding to Jace to get the attention off of himself.

If there was one thing to be thankful for more than anything, it was that Alec would be going through the upcoming craziness with two of his favorite people by his side. He’d grown up with Jace, even if they weren’t related by blood, they were brothers in every sense of the word. And Lydia… Lydia was the best. They’d been together in their first part when they were both 15, a small part in an episode of some cop show. Lydia had been his beard for years when he needed it, covering for him when he wasn’t ready to come out. Not that he’d ever been ready to come out, even now he was only barely out, and only because of…

Alec shook his head, zoning back into the conversation.

***

Magnus didn’t know how he’d gotten into this situation, why he’d agreed to it. It was stupid. Moronic. All things Magnus hadn’t thought he was and yet…there they were. And yet, somehow, Magnus found himself renting out a club in New York, planning the most epic of parties with Isabelle and Simon and then… Getting ready. To see Alexander.

It’d been a week since they’d found out Alexander’s show had been picked and…Magnus was nervous. He couldn’t remember having ever felt that way before. So much had changed, more than he’d noticed, since…everything.

Sighing, Magnus stepped out of his BMW on the edge of the street outside the club. Tossing his keys to the valet, Magnus ignored the flashing lights of the paparazzi, heading into the most exclusive club in New York. He was wearing his best black suit with a purple shirt underneath, and glitter all over the place. His makeup was perfect and his hair was spiked up with pink streaks.

He was the first to arrive, just how he’d wanted.

If Isabelle wanted a party to celebrate her brothers, Magnus would give her that. He hadn’t planned a party in awhile and he needed a break, it was the least he could help with. Isabelle was a lifesaver to him far too often. And if Izzy insisted he come, he would, but it didn’t mean he actually had to _see_ Alec.

In fact, he planned on avoiding him at all costs, all night. If he could avoid Alec, everything would be fine, perfect. After two years, what were a few more hours of not seeing each other?

Magnus took a deep breath, swallowing past the lump forming in his throat, and moved to check out the room and make sure everything was in place.

***

“Alec!”

Alec was inside the airport, waiting. As the shout reached his ears, he turned around quickly, bracing himself just in time for the inevitable hug of Isabelle Lightwood as she threw herself at him. Alec still stumbled back, only just managing not to trip over the uncomfortable airport seating behind him.

“Izzy!” Jace shouted, rounding the corner with a corn dog in one hand and a wide grin on his face.

Isabelle pulled back, grinning when she saw Jace, before throwing herself at him next.

“I’m so proud of you guys!” Izzy shouted once the hugging was done.

It was early enough in the morning that there weren’t many people around, but those who were, gave them all strange looks, some staring at Jace a little more closely like they might recognize him from the cheesy teen movies he’d done a few years before.

“You have to tell me everything,” Izzy said, grinning widely at them. She wore a matching pair of pink sweats and a tight hoodie that revealed her toned stomach. Her long hair was up in a ponytail and she wasn’t wearing any makeup, her standard plane outfit.

Alec shook his head, suppressing a grin. “We already told you everything,” he said.

Isabelle swatted at him, “Then tell me again!”

Just then, they were joined by Clary and Simon who were both already clutching giant coffees, leaning on each other as they walked.

“Bitches!” Simon shouted unnecessarily as he looked up after whispering something to Clary. Alec tried to fight a grin but couldn’t quite as Simon fixed his glasses and grinned at them. He was wearing a Star Wars shirt and ratty sweatpants, hair a disaster, just like always.

“Dude,” Jace greeted, holding out his fist for a fist bump.

Clary came to Alec first, pulling him into a tight hug, “Congrats,” she whispered, grinning when she pulled back.

“Thanks,” Alec muttered.

He knocked Simon’s extended fist away, refusing to bump it. Alec had had a rocky start with both the redhead and her nerdy friend. Where Alec was all seriousness and work ethic, the youngest two members of the group were all about nerding out and having fun, never taking anything seriously. Still, Alec thought fondly, it was good to see them again.

Clary and Jace were very obviously not looking at each other and, watching Simon and Izzy, Alec sighed because they clearly hadn’t gotten together yet even though everyone knew it was inevitable.

“Let’s get food!” Simon said, weaving his way over towards baggage claim with Jace at his side.

They’d all fallen together nearly three years before. Izzy fell in with Magnus’ group around when Alec and Jace started acting full time, and then Alec and Magnus —

Along with Magnus had come Clary and with Clary came Simon. For a good year, they were all inseparable, at least when they were in the same state.

Alec hadn’t realized until that moment, walking towards baggage claim and watching Jace and Simon fight over Jace’s corn dog — it was five in the morning, where had Jace even gotten a corn dog? — just how much he needed Isabelle (and even Simon and Clary) near him. As Izzy hugged him again, gushing, it all finally started to feel real.

***

Magnus was twirling around in one of the back rooms of Pandemonium — the club he’d rented for Alec’s party — phone pressed to his ear. The light twirling was all he could manage when he was desperate to dance, the one thing that always managed to calm him. He was in a small room, which would’ve been fine if he wasn’t distracted by the voice on the other end of his phone that was less than calming.

Magnus twirled again, imagining the steps to one of his routines in his head, and trying to even his breathing.

It wasn’t so much the voice, as what it was saying. “Look, I know it’s been rough…for a while now,” Luke said, voice low and full of concern. “And I know you need your time to work on the songs and the record, but the label…they need _something_ , Magnus.”

Magnus nodded, pacing more than dancing now. No one could see him but all he could do was just keep nodding. It was getting a little difficult to breathe actually.

“We’ve also been talking about getting some more talk going, you know? Stir up the Internet, get the magazines talking about you again. I’m doing what I can to hold everyone off Mags, I know how that ended last time, but you’ve been touring nearly two years straight, we need you back in the studio.”

Magnus nodded again. Luke wasn’t just Magnus’ manager, he was also the only person to take Magnus in, care for him, after everything with Magnus’ parents. To say Magnus had a tragic past was to label it lightly. Luke had taken Magnus in when he was fourteen, just before marrying Jocelyn and with Jocelyn came Clary and Simon. Magnus’ makeshift family. Along with Ragnor and Raphael, and Isabelle. And all of them were so worried about him…

Magnus’ mind was spinning; he couldn’t think; he couldn’t breathe.

“Magnus, I need you to say something. Are you okay? You need me to come over?” Luke asked, all concern.

Magnus shook his head, then cleared his throat. “No,” he said softly. Then again, “No. I’m fine just…” he breathed out. “My mind’s all over the place is all. I’m fine. I’m almost done with a song,” he lied before hanging up.

Turning in the small, featureless room, Magnus took a couple exploratory steps. As he moved his body, his mind calmed. He was Magnus freaking Bane, he reminded himself. He was a rock star (okay, pop star, same dif). And he was _fine_ , he told himself firmly.

Walking out of the small room, Magnus sighed, life had been so much easier on tour, where he could ignore the fact that he hadn’t written or recorded in so long. Where he could just focus on the next show and being there and present, giving his fans a good night. Where he could avoid everything else and get lost in flights and hotel rooms and singing and dancing. And not…all this.

***

“Are you sure about this, Isabelle?” Alec asked, sitting in the back of the rented car and staring at the blinding lights outside Pandemonium. It was the hottest nightclub in the city, rented out by none other than Magnus Bane.

Alec’s nerves were getting the best of him. On the drive over — after spending the day catching up with Izzy, Clary, and Simon — Alec had been able to concentrate on nothing except the one person he didn’t want to see. Didn’t want to think about.

Alec had spent so long refusing to let himself remember anything, he’d actually blocked out most of the memories, most of the feelings. Now though, he was going to have to see Magnus for the first time in nearly two years. The first time since they broke up. And Alec had no idea how that made him feel. Alec wasn’t good with feelings, Alec was good at acting and that included acting like he didn’t have any feelings at all.

Alec tried to keep the memories away but they invaded anyway, snapshots of their relationship. The days, weeks, months, after they first met, dancing around their feelings for each other but sharing all these looks and little touches that shouldn’t have meant anything but had meant everything at the time. Both knowing they had feelings but not sure if they should do anything about them.

And then…the first secret kisses, before they even admitted to themselves that they meant anything at all to each other. Alec sitting backstage at all of Magnus’ concerts and Magnus always a phone call away when Alec was out on auditions or during the promo tour for his movie. And Magnus sneakily following the tour, disguising himself as he slipped into Alec’s room every night…

Alec shook his head as Izzy gripped his arm. “I’m sure,” she said, pulling him from his thoughts. Alec glanced over and she was smiling encouragingly. “It will be _fine_. It’s been two years Alec…you have to see him sometime.”

Alec swallowed, nodding, “I know,” he said. But did it have to be now? Couldn’t they just celebrate the three of them? It still didn’t feel completely real yet and he wasn’t in the mood for a party. His heart was twisting and racing and doing all kinds of things it shouldn’t be doing at the thought of seeing Magnus.

Sadly, he didn’t really have a choice. “You’re right,” he said, sighing.

“Of course I am,” Izzy said, the first to step out of the limo as the driver opened the door. Isabelle was wearing a tight silver dress and towering high heels, she pulled Simon — who was in a rumpled button-up and jeans — out after her, striding towards the Pandemonium entrance without a backward glance.

Alec flinched as the paparazzi lights started going off. They always hung around Pandemonium, it was a hotspot for celebrities, even more so when word got out that Magnus Bane had rented it for the night.

Sighing, Alec turned to Lydia, offering her his arm. Lydia grinned, “I’d—”

“Nope,” Jace cut in firmly. “Lyd’s with me.”

Lydia looked amused, rolling her eyes at Alec as Jace grabbed her hand and dove for the limo door.

Clary huffed at Jace’s antics but beamed at Alec, “Guess that leaves us.”

Alec rolled his eyes, moving towards the door before Clary. He waited for her outside, trying not to flinch in the face of flashing cameras. Clary grabbed his arm, pulling him towards Pandemonium as fast as possible.

“Relax,” she whispered. “It’ll be fine.”

Alec wanted to ask her something, anything, about Magnus and how he was doing, but he’d implemented a rule the day after their breakup and that was that he wasn’t allowed to talk about it with anyone. It wasn’t fair to put Clary and the others in the middle of it. And it was better that Alec not talk about it at all. Made it easier to ignore.

So instead he asked, “So, Jace messed up again?”

Clary threw her head back in a laugh. She and Jace had been dating off and on since they all started hanging out, it never lasted long because Jace always messed up or backed away and Clary, as she had confessed to Alec one night, was not going to play his games forever. “Doesn’t he always?”

***

This was a terrible idea, Magnus thought, wandering through Pandemonium aimlessly. This wasn’t what he was supposed to do, he told himself, he did not wander aimlessly. But here he was, doing just that, demented butterflies in his stomach, nerves making it impossible for him to eat or drink anything.

Picking a spot near the bar, Magnus forced himself to stay still, willing one of his friends to manifest. Why had he turned down Ragnor’s offer of coming with him?

It was strange sometimes as, the longer he was famous, the more Magnus realized how much more confident he was back when no one knew his name. Back when he was just…Magnus. Just doing it for fun, putting up videos when he felt like it. Dancing with Raphael in the streets and teaching Clary at home. Back before he had adoring fans he could let down and cameras in his face all the time…

Magnus forced his thoughts to move on, avoiding the panic that had been simmering in his gut all too often recently.

All around him, people gave Magnus a wide berth. They’d see him and their eyes would grow wide as they realized who he was, and then they’d keep walking but have an eye on him like he was an animal at the zoo and they didn’t want to miss it if he did something interesting. Most of the people there were in the business somehow, but Izzy had invited a bunch of her dancer friends and whatnot, who weren’t used to seeing a room full of actors and musicians.

Where _was_ Isabelle? Magnus wondered but, of course, what he was really wondering was, where was Alec?

***

The party actually wasn’t that bad. There weren’t a ton of people and it was mostly people Alec already knew. Jace stuck close to his side, taking the attention he knew Alec never wanted anyway and Alec truly didn’t mind.

He tried to enjoy it, sipping a glass of champagne and talking to Lydia and Izzy. He tried to force his eyes to remain on them and not travel the room, looking for him but that never did work, did it?

So Alec glanced around, trying not to be obvious even though Isabelle probably knew exactly what he was doing. Izzy had a way of finding out every thought in Alec’s head, somehow. They never really talked about it, Alec still thought it was unfair to put his relationship — ex-relationship — drama on Izzy when she was best friends with the source of the drama. Alec flinched at his own harsh thoughts, downing the rest of his champagne.

He was turning to grab another drink, unsuspecting, when his eyes were immediately drawn to Magnus as he stepped into a small break in the crowd.

Alec’s breath hitched in his throat and all the feelings he’d been suppressing, the pain and anger, the bitterness and the…the _missing_ , rose over him, threatening to overwhelm and drown him.

Magnus was walking through the crowd with purpose but, as soon as their eyes locked, he stopped in place.

Alec swallowed, watching Magnus’ eyes grow wide, almost panicked, for just a moment before a carefully constructed smirk settled on his face and he started walking again, graceful as ever, the crowd easily parting for him like he was royalty. Which he practically was.

Alec couldn’t breathe. It became more and more apparent the closer Magnus came, their locked gazes never breaking.

“Alexander,” Magnus whispered, stopping with a careful foot of space between them.

And why, _why_ did Magnus have to say _that_?

And god, he looked so good. Not only his looks, the ever present glitter and the newly cut shorter and spiked hair. But just…just _seeing_ him. Seeing Magnus in the flesh for the first time in almost two years… God, it shouldn’t have felt like both the greatest thing ever and like it would be the death of him, but it did.

***

Alec opened his mouth a few times before finally finding words and god, that killed Magnus. Such a familiar thing while he was drowning.

“Magnus,” Alec finally said. That was it. His name. The power to destroy him.

Forcing a smirk, Magnus raised an eyebrow. “Yes?” he said, fake cockiness all in place.

Alec frowned for a minute and the rest of the room disappeared until it was just the two of them and nothing else. Just them, staring at each other. And, as much as Magnus tried to hold them back, the memories swept over him so fast they threatened to leave him breathless. Flashes of hazel eyes staring down at him. Lips touching. Hands resting together on the piano. A warm body curled around his in the middle of the night. Flushed skin and narrowed eyes…

Magnus blinked, shaking his head to dispel the memories and looking away from Alec briefly so he could breathe.

Alec cleared his throat, shifting the slightest bit. Neither of them noticed the rest of the group staring at them, watching with wide eyes. “Er, uh. Thanks, for the party,” Alec finally mumbled.

Magnus found his eyes drawn back to Alec’s, and gave him a tight smile. “My pleasure,” he said and then forced himself not to flinch as he realized how stupid that sentence was. He decided the best thing to do was power through so he made himself keep talking. “Congrats, you deserve—”

Magnus was interrupted by a sea of people pushing their way between them. Their eyes were still locked as someone started talking animatedly to Alec. Magnus’ words got stuck in his throat and he hated himself for a moment because he knew everything he was feeling was splashed across his face, leaving him feeling naked.

Alec cleared his throat, finally pulling his eyes from Magnus to address the person talking to him. Magnus couldn’t breathe, like someone had a hand wrapped around his heart and was squeezing. He’d managed to barely even think about Alec for nearly two years but one look…and it all came back. How happy Magnus had been. But, even more potent, all the pain he’d felt when…when it was over.

Magnus watched numbly as Alec was led away to do something else, ignoring the hollow feeling in his gut.

***

Alec had no idea who the person in front of him was or what they were saying. All he could think, all he could see, was Magnus, Magnus, Magnus.

He could barely breathe.

***

Snapping out of it, Magnus shook his head, moving to leave. This was a bad idea, he told himself.

There was a memory that wanted to play out in Magnus’ mind, the memory of the last time Alec had walked away from him, but he refused to let it. He pushed it as far away as it would go, slipping into his car and speeding off towards his loft.

Instead, a different memory played out behind Magnus’ eyes. They were backstage after Magnus’ concert, Alec’s eyes were shining, face flushed. No matter how many shows he came to, he always reacted the same, like it was the greatest thing he’d ever seen.

Magnus had showered and gotten dressed and they were just sitting there, waiting for the busses. They were nothing but friends then, even though they both knew they wanted more.

Magnus had been in the middle of saying…something, when suddenly, Alec had stood up from the tiny chair he’d been sitting in and crossed the room in one big bound.

They’d shared the same breath for a minute as Alec crowded Magnus against the dressing room table, before they’d crashed together.

Magnus blinked fast, forcing the memory away and his gaze to focus on the road before him.

That one kiss, though…it’d been a kiss that had been building up between them for months. It’d been the best kiss of Magnus’ life. He could practically feel the ghost of Alec’s lips on his even now.

Pulling into his parking spot, Magnus shook his head, banishing all thoughts of Alec and before from his mind. He really needed to get writing…

Magnus’ heart constricted, the panic pooling in his stomach. Instead of getting out of the car, he started it again, pulling back out of parking garage that led to the loft he hardly ever used, and back onto the crowded New York streets.

When he pulled up outside the small store in the middle of the night, Luke opened the door with a grin. Luke and Jocelyn still lived in the apartment over the store Jocelyn owned, though they now had plenty of money to move somewhere bigger and better.

“Magnus,” Luke called, pulling Magnus into a tight hug.

Magnus hugged him back, feeling like a kid again, not something he’d been able to feel like for long.

As he followed Luke upstairs where Jocelyn waited with a steaming plate of food, the panic started to ease.

***

It was both better and worse than he’d imagined, seeing Magnus again, even for such a brief moment. It’d been…confusing. But…but if Magnus could be all…perfectly fine, like nothing bothered him, if nothing bothered him, then Alec could do the same. He was a mature adult. All he had to do was let nothing bother him.

It took Alec all night to figure out what was bugging him about the party, about Magnus, and when he figured it out, he didn’t know if he liked it or not. Because Magnus had acted like his mature and flirty self and that was the problem. It’d been _an act_. Even after all this time, Alec still knew when Magnus was lying.

Walking out of his bedroom the next morning, scratching his head, Alec decided, just this once, he could ask Isabelle. Finding her in the kitchen that was decked out in the best, most expensive appliances, Alec poured himself a cup of coffee, sniffing it experimentally.

“I can make coffee!” Isabelle shouted, looking up from her phone as she twirled back and forth on the narrow stool across the bar. Her hair was in a bun and she was still wearing her pajamas. Izzy technically lived in the apartment with Jace and Alec, she just wasn’t there much, always wherever Magnus was which, for a while now, had been LA.

“I know,” Alec said, smirking. “I’m just being cautious.”

Isabelle huffed, turning back to her phone.

Ask her, Alec told himself. “Hey, Iz,” he started, in a voice that was more serious and less casual than he wanted it to be. Isabelle looked up immediately, slipping her phone into her pocket when she heard how serious he was. Alec glanced away before asking, “How’s Magnus doing?”

Isabelle narrowed her eyes at her brother, studying him carefully. Finally, measuring each word before saying them, she shrugged. “He’s…Magnus,” she said in a soft voice. Alec turned away, fiddling with the coffee pot. “But…I don’t know.”

Alec’s heart was beating too hard.

“He’s not the same anymore, I guess,” she finally said. “He’s not bad just…different. Since…everything.”

Suddenly, Alec felt sick, dumping his coffee down the sink. He didn’t know why he felt guilty, it wasn’t his fault. But he didn’t want Magnus be different. Not when he’d glimpsed that different the night before and different was…less Magnus. Less flashy and grinny, just… _less._

He shouldn’t care, Alec thought. It shouldn’t matter to him at all.

Alec wished he’d never ran into Magnus again. Then he wouldn’t have had to admit to himself that he missed Magnus, even after so much time. He missed Magnus so fucking much. He tried to remember the anger but it was farther away that morning. The anger was something he could deal with, this…everything else…he just _couldn’t_.

It made his heart raced, his thoughts grow confusing. It made it hard to breathe.

Alec opened his mouth with no idea what he was going to say but it didn’t matter because just then, Jace came rushing in, holding his phone in front of face. “Did you guys see this?” Jace shouted, waving the phone.

Izzy’s phone buzzed and she picked it up as Jace stared at Alec. Alec’s stomach sank. “What?”

“Oh,” Isabelle muttered, eyes widening.

“What?” Alec repeated, already knowing it wasn’t anything good.

***

“Magnus, wake up,” Clary said, flopping down on Magnus’ bed. “We have a problem.”

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! And everyone who read chapter one and commented!!! Um, let's say next chapter by next Wednesday at the latest?
> 
> Tell me your thoughts and feels, you lovely biscuits! <3<3<3  
> And find me to yell at me on [Tumblr](http://imawriteriwrite.tumblr.com/)! ([imawriteriwrite](http://imawriteriwrite.tumblr.com/post/148744887375/about-a-new-fic))  
> Comments and kudos give me life which I need to write, by the way. I hope you liked this. <3<3<3<3


	3. Use Somebody

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When the internet explodes thinking Alec and Magnus are back together, they have to come up with a way to handle things, forcing them to spend more time together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (why do all my summaries sound like soap operas????)  
> Title from Use Somebody by Kings Of Leon
> 
> Let the plot begin...
> 
> Shout out to my amazing betas! And HAPPY BIRTHDAY to the awesome [Manwameldiel](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Manwameldiel/pseuds/Manwameldiel)! Thanks for always leaving the best comments and reading all my stuff, you are seriously the best and I hope you had a great day! <3

Alec paced back and forth through their open living room, shaking with anger. He had his phone glued to his hands, reading through article after article. It was hard to tell where the rumor had even started but, by then — barely eight in the morning — it was all over the place.

It was nothing more than a grainy photo that must’ve been shot at the perfect moment. But it didn’t matter that they weren’t even touching in the photo, that they were barely looking at each other or anything. Someone had taken the photo, written the story, and now everyone was weighing in. Believing it.

“Fuck,” Alec whispered yet again.

Okay, sure, in the grand scheme of things, it wasn’t that big of a deal. They could just ignore it, let it go away, and it would never matter. But this was the thing Alec hated most about acting; the rumors. People just latched onto something, believed whatever they wanted about you and Alec really didn’t want this coming up again. Not now. Right when things were going good for him. And Magnus… Alec _couldn’t_ deal with this.

“Come on, Alec,” Isabelle said, turning around on the kitchen stool to face him. She’d been reading the same articles he had. “It’s not a big deal.”

Alec knew that. He kept telling himself that, but it wasn’t making him feel any better.

Jace, laying across the long white couch, sat up suddenly, his face losing color.

Alec closed his mouth, forgetting what he’d been about to tell Izzy. He quickly stepped forward, yanking Jace’s phone from his hand as his brother tried to hide whatever was on the screen from him.

“What now?” Alec muttered, thumbing in Jace’s passcode as Jace watched him carefully.

Isabelle gasped, clearly seeing whatever it was Jace had just seen.

Alec closed his eyes for a second, breathing slowly, before turning to Jace’s phone. “What the fuck?”

***

Magnus didn’t really care about rumors; he’d been doing this long enough to be used to them. To know everyone had an opinion of him, everyone had a version of Magnus in their head, of who they thought he was. He tried not to think about it, because he wouldn’t let himself live to be the person other people expected him to be. He had to disconnect from that, take a step back, and just do things for himself, just be himself. or he would go crazy trying to be what everyone else wanted him to be.

That’s not to say that rumors didn’t affect him. He didn’t let himself dwell on them but they still hit him hard sometimes. They were still in the back of his mind. And, sometimes, they were horrible. He hated dealing with them because, whatever it was, it didn’t matter if he confirmed or denied it; people still believed whatever they wanted to believe.

It was a horrible thing, not to be believed. That, Magnus knew personally.

So, it was accurate to say the news that morning made his heart stop and the panic in his gut rear for a minute, but then he took a step back, disconnected from the situation and realized it wasn’t that big of a deal. Even if it did leave a bad taste in his mouth all morning.

Magnus sat at the small breakfast table with Clary, Simon, and Jocelyn, while Luke was on the phone with Magnus’ various people, figuring out how to handle the situation. That didn’t really disturb Magnus, this happened anytime he made it into the news without having planned it. They always had to figure out Magnus’ angle.

Meanwhile, Magnus just had to force breakfast down.

Clary opened and closed her mouth, again and again across the table from Magnus. Magnus had practically grown up with Clary, at that very breakfast table, where they’d sat like this; in their pajamas; Clary’s hair in a messy bun; Magnus’ lying flat instead of spiked up; an endless number of times. Magnus had lived there for four years before his music career took off and he moved out. In all that time, and every day they’d spent together since, Clary had never once hesitated like that.

Sighing, Magnus set his fork down. “Go ahead, biscuit,” he said, invoking the name he’d been calling Clary since he first met the girl.

Clary looked up from her coffee, startled. Simon, however, just jumped right in. “Are you okay?” he asked around a mouthful of toast.

Grimacing, Magnus passed over a napkin and nodded. “Of course, it’s just a rumor,” he said simply, shrugging.

Simon, always keeping it classy, said, “Yeah, but it’s about you and Alec, that’s gotta hurt.”

Swallowing thickly, Magnus shrugged again, forcing words out. “It is what it is.”

Still, Magnus couldn’t get that headline out of his mind: **_Magnus Bane and Alec Lightwood, star-crossed lovers back together again?_** That was the first one Magnus had seen, but there were others. **_Magnus Bane, off the market once again._** And **_Magnus Bane, back to dating actors_**.

**_America’s sweethearts_** , Magnus shivered thinking of that one. They all said the same thing, in the end, Magnus Bane had held a party to celebrate Alec Lightwood’s new show being picked up. The two were spotted standing _intimately close_. They all rehashed the same drama, how two years ago, after months of speculation, their relationship had been all but confirmed when paparazzi spotted them leaving Magnus’ concert at Madison Square Garden together, holding hands. Even without that picture splashed over every article, Magnus could clearly picture it. He could remember that night, that concert, the last time things were even close to okay…

Magnus swallowed drily, glancing down at his plate and forcing every feeling that was attempting to take over away.

Of course, every article concluded with some mention of how they’d been assumed to have broken up after a tense interview Magnus had given and hadn’t been spotted together for nearly two years. _While both men have been in known relationships since then — Alec Lightwood famously getting back together with co-star Lydia Branwell for a short while before they called it quits, claiming they were much better as “just friends”, and Magnus Bane going through a “string of various men and women” — it seems these two star-crossed lovers may just be giving it another try._

Every article also mentioned, of course, Alec’s continued silence on his sexuality while stating Magnus’ famous quote about his own, “I’m what I like to call a freewheeling bisexual”.

No big deal, Magnus told himself again as Luke finally hung up the phone and turned to him. It was nothing, it would blow over. Magnus was not obsessing over the words “giving it another try”, he’d never thought of them before. Nope.

“Bad news,” Luke said.

***

As soon as Izzy let Hodge into the apartment, Alec was on in him. Getting right in the face of his manager, Alec snarled, demanding, “Who posted that?”

“Alec,” Hodge said in his always calm voice. Even so early in the morning, Hodge was put together in one of his nicest suits, hair combed back. Hodge had been Alec and Jace’s (and briefly Isabelle’s before she decided she didn’t want to act) manager since they were both teenagers, having known their parents for years. “Calm down. I’m gonna handle this, okay?”

Alec took a deep breath, stepping back to let Hodge move to the living room and nodding stiffly.

Hodge patted his arm, moving to set his briefcase down on the coffee table before turning back to Alec. “Now,” he said in the same voice, looking around at all three of them. “I am the one who posted the tweet.”

Alec’s whole body went stiff, hands clenching into fists at his side. He closed his eyes, focusing on breathing so he wouldn’t lose it; taking a deep breath to stop himself from screaming, “And why,” Alec asked in a tight voice. “Would you have done that?”

“Because you need the PR. You need your name out there, on every newspaper and gossip magazine, on every website, trending on Twitter. And now it is,” Hodge stated simply.

Alec opened his eyes, shaking his head over and over again. “This isn’t the way to do that.”

“Yes,” Hodge said. “It is.”

Alec moved to the couch, collapsing onto it without another word.

Hodge turned to him, face expressionless, calm as ever. “This is the way to get your name out there Alec, you’re about to start filming again, this will get people even more excited for your show. This will bring in more fans before they’ve even seen a preview. Trust me, this is my job. I’m helping you.”

Alec shook his head, hands digging into his thighs through his pants. He shook his head; he’d just have to deal with it. He had before. He would have to again. But…but why did it have to be _Magnus_?

And how would Magnus feel? Seeing that tweet, that stupid fucking tweet, basically confirming that they were back together, (seriously, who wrote that?), without any consent from Magnus.

Alec was shaking again with anger and had to force himself to calm.

“Now,” Hodge said. “I hope you don’t mind, but Magnus and his people are coming over now so we can all talk about how to spin this to everyone’s advantage, okay?”

No, Alec thought, not okay. He wanted to ignore this. For it to go away. Not to “spin it to his advantage”. How was Alec supposed to ignore Magnus and their past if he was confronted with this?

“Great,” Alec muttered. Just fucking great.

***

“Really, this couldn’t have come at a better time,” Catarina tried to reassure Magnus in the car on the way to Alec’s.

Magnus took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

“We were already planning something like this, a little PR stunt to get your name circulating before the new music starts dropping.”

Magnus knew Catarina was just trying to help, she’d been with him from the very beginning, his PR person, his handler, she multitasked a lot but was basically always there for him. The problem was, it wasn’t so much the rumor and the PR crisis he was worried about. It was Alec. It was seeing Alec (again). It was…he didn’t even know.

Reaching out, he took one of Cat’s tightly clenched hands, squeezing lightly. He met her dark eyes. “It’s fine, Cat. I know you’ll handle it. Really, it’s no big deal,” he said insistently.

Catarina grinned, nodding at him. She took taking care of her clients, especially Magnus who was also a friend, very seriously. She was also a bit of a mother hen. “You’re sure? I mean…depending on what’s decided, you’ll be okay with this? If we decide to run with it? After—After everything? Your history with him?”

Magnus swallowed, looking away so Catarina wouldn’t see the lie in his eyes. “Of course. I have faked a relationship or two in the past, Cat,” he said, thinking of Elias and Tessa. The only two big “relationships” he’d had in the past years. Really, the most he’d done was date a little here and there, nothing serious. But serious was good for his image, hence Tessa, his fellow musician, and Elias, a model friend.

Of course, those had been easy. A photo op here and there; a few cleverly dropped hints. They were friends, they’d been able to hang out and have a good laugh over pretending to be dating. He’d been able to ask them for the favor that, of course, helped both of them as well. This…this was _Alexander_ and nothing was ever so easy, so simple and straightforward, when it came to Alec. It never had been.

***

“I think we can all agree that this is beneficial to both Alec and Magnus,” Hodge started as soon as everyone was there with coffee in hand. “It may not have come about the best way, but we can spin it to work for everyone.”

Alec leaned against the wall of windows, watching everyone carefully. Magnus sat on the couch, his coffee on the table in front of him. Magnus was as normal and casual as ever, splayed out on the couch, fiddling with one of many rings on his fingers. His hair lay flat and he was dressed plainly in tight jeans and a loose hoodie, not something Alec had ever seen Magnus in much. He clearly hadn’t spent long getting ready that morning.

Luke stood behind the couch near Magnus, like a guard dog or something. Izzy sat on the coffee table, Jace on the kitchen counter. Simon and Clary had arrived with Magnus, taking the arm chairs. And Catarina, Magnus’ PR handler, stood up, facing Hodge.

Alec’s heart had climbed into his throat the moment Magnus stepped inside. He kept forcing his gaze away from Magnus only to find himself staring at Magnus from the corner of his eyes. It was harder to breathe...

Catarina, snorted. “Come on, Hodge, don’t try to play me. Sure, it’s beneficial to both parties, but don’t you dare try to pretend like you didn’t arrange this whole thing, forcing us into a corner.”

Alec looked up — from where he’d been staring at Magnus — at Catarina’s sharp voice. “Wait, what?” he asked, pushing off the window and coming more fully into the room.

Hodge waved a hand, rolling his eyes. “I did what I had to do, Cat,” he said, airily. “The photos came out, the press latched onto it; I just did a little nudging here and there to jump start our manipulation of this.”

Alec sighed, clenching his fists. Alec didn’t like playing these games, he’d be happier just staying out of all that crap, just living his life, acting because he loved it and ignoring everything else. Yet, somehow, he always ended up back here.

Magnus looked up from examining his fingernails, — that Alec noticed were painted an electric blue. He raised one eyebrow at Hodge, every other feature schooled into a look of boredom, like what they were discussing didn’t involve him at all. “You were the anonymous source?” he asked flatly, more a statement than a question.

Hodge shifted, eyes roaming around the room, before shrugging.

“Anonymous source?” Alec asked, frowning.

Isabelle looked up with a grimace. “You didn’t read the full articles, did you? That’s what they said, that the photo was leaked from an anonymous source.”

Hodge jumped in before Alec could process anything. “Look, this is the situation, it’s already happened. It doesn’t matter how. What matters is how we spin it.”

Alec clenched his fists, turning away. He took deep, even breaths until he felt nothing, reeling in the anger and betrayal, holding in the urge to fire Hodge on the spot. He couldn't do that. He needed Hodge and Hodge… Alec had known Hodge forever and he’d always been there for them. If he did do this, he did it for Alec.

Cat gave Hodge a disgusted look, shaking her head. “There’s nothing much to discuss,” she said. “You all but confirmed it on Twitter,” she accused, looking to Alec.

Alec was so thrown off by the heated glare that he couldn’t even defend himself. Luckily, he had Izzy to do it for him. “Hey,” Isabelle said, turning her own glare on the older woman. “Alec had no part in this, don’t you dare blame him for anything.”

Catarina bristled, “Hodge is Alec’s manager, how are we supposed to know Alec wasn’t behind it the whole time?”

Isabelle stood from the table to go head to head with the other woman. “Are you kidding me? Alec hates all this bullshit; he would _never_ do that.”

Catarina opened her mouth but Alec and Magnus both interrupted at once.

“Iz,” Alec said at the same time Magnus said, “Cat,” in a threatening voice. They both stopped. Glancing at each other before quickly looking away.

Alec swallowed the sudden lump in his throat, ignoring the way his nerves caught on fire, letting Magnus, who’d stood up from the couch, do the talking. “I know Alec wouldn’t do this. And there’s no sense casting blame,” Magnus said. “There’s nothing to blame. It is what it is.”

Alec was frozen, brain caught on Magnus’ first words, how he sounded so confident, like he’d never doubt Alec…

Catarina nodded, turning away from Izzy who moved to Alec’s side with a huff. Alec shook his head, coming back to himself.

“So, we spin a relationship,” Cat said, moving to grab her bag from where she’d set it when she walked in. “It gets both of them in the media, it will help lead up to Magnus’ new single—”

Alec glanced at Magnus. _New single?_ For an instant, he wanted to ask Magnus about it, wanted to demand why he didn’t know of a new song and then he remembered. It was like a stone dropped into the pit of his stomach. Of course, it’d been two years, why would Alec know anything about the album?

Jace scoffed, “That will be great,” he said, rolling his eyes.

“What’s that mean?” Clary asked, standing up to glare at him.

Jace shrugged, “Just that basically the whole world thinks the entirety of Magnus’ last album is about Alec already.”

Clary glared again, “Shut up.”

“Nice comeback,” Jace smirked, making Clary fume silently as she crossed her arms.

“It doesn’t matter,” Hodge cut in smoothly. “Sure, there’s been speculation about them before, but we’ll just gloss over all of that. Got it boys?” he added, looking at Alec and then Magnus. “When the interviews start, as they undoubtedly will, steer away from questions about the past, okay?”

Alec and Magnus both nodded.

Catarina sighed again, “Great. And, of course, it will help with Alec’s new show. Win, win. I’ll have someone call to figure out details but I have to go,” Cat said, sending one last, seething look at Hodge before kissing Magnus’ cheek and leaving without another word.

All eyes immediately turned to Hodge who quickly glanced at his watch, “Well, I should probably go, too,” he said quickly, making a beeline for the exit.

Alec sighed, flopping down on the couch and leaning his head back, eyes closed. His heart raced, he was struggling to breathe, this was not how he’d planned on things going. He didn’t want to deal with this craziness. He wanted to film the show and have fun and… and not do this.

Alec hated feeling like he had no control and, right then, it wasn’t just a feeling; he really had no control over any of this.

***

Magnus was not staring at Alec. He was not noticing the black lines of a tattoo on the side of Alec’s neck as he leaned his head back, a tattoo he definitely hadn’t had two years before.

Magnus shook his head, looking away. Everyone was simply sitting around awkwardly, Magnus hated awkward, so he flopped down on the couch next to Alec, with a good cushion length of space between them; all fake casual.

Alec opened his eyes, glancing over. Their eyes met for a second before bouncing away.

Magnus sighed internally, this wasn’t how he’d planned on things going. He was so…so off kilter. He needed to write. He needed to get back to LA and record. He didn’t need to be juggling a fake relationship with the man who had really broken his heart. He didn’t need his heart to be skipping around like crazy, beating out a rhythm of pain and regret.

But he had no choice, his record label was already unhappy with the fact that Magnus had nothing new to record and release. They wouldn’t let him blow over a PR stunt like this without taking advantage of it.

Magnus knew Alec wasn’t happy either, even if he didn’t say anything. Like Isabelle, Magnus was one hundred percent sure Alec had nothing to do with everything going on. Alec hated being the center of attention, something that contradicted both his choice of work and Magnus, who was all about the attention. Or had been once anyway.

“Well, this isn’t awkward at all,” Simon said, breaking the silence. Clary laughed nervously. No one else did.

Isabelle watched everyone carefully before throwing her hands up, “This is a terrible idea,” she declared, walking out the front door.

Magnus gasped, surprised at Isabelle’s outburst and, judging by everyone else’s faces, they all felt the same. It was so unlike Isabelle to not be supportive of something, but Magnus had to agree with her, like usual. It was a horrible idea.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo, things are happening. Thoughts, comments, opinions? XD
> 
> Let's say next one in one week, though I'm going to try to post earlier cause it's fairly short. ;)
> 
> Yell at me on [Tumblr](http://imawriteriwrite.tumblr.com/) (I'm @ [imawriteriwrite](http://imawriteriwrite.tumblr.com/post/148744887375/about-a-new-fic))
> 
> Thanks, you lovely biscuits! <3<3<3


	4. Why Can't This Be Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus and Alec deal with the fact that they're going to have to pretend to be in a relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout out to my awesome betas! <3<3<3
> 
> Title from Why Can't This Be Love by Van Halen

The first few days after the incident — as Magnus had begun referring to it — were easy. Mostly because nothing happened and Magnus was able to stay safe in his denial, but whatever.

He had a performance coming up in a few nights, so he focused on that. He told himself that everything was fine, it would be easy, painless, harmless. All he had to do really, was pretend to date someone. Easy enough.

Okay, so that someone was Alexander. And Magnus was big enough to admit to the fact that he’d never felt for someone what he felt — well used to feel — for Alec. But that was years ago. And Magnus was a professional. And he’d really barely even have to see Alec. They didn’t even have to be friendly, just fake a few dates here and there, get photographed together, coy interviews and then bam—

Well, Magnus wasn’t sure what would happen then, but it was probably some kind of fake break up which would be fine. Easy. Nothing could be as hard as their real breakup after all.

Just then, as Magnus was trying to meditate, his problem became clear to him. He kept telling himself everything would be fine and dandy, but he couldn’t even stop thinking about it for a moment…

Letting all his breath out in a harsh exhale, Magnus unfolded to his feet. Nothing would calm his mind just then so he may as well give up, he thought, heading to the kitchen in search of something to eat.

Magnus almost didn’t hear his phone ringing as he serenaded Chairman Meow in the kitchen.

“Heeeello,” Magnus sing songed, answering without glancing at the screen, Chairman still clutched to his chest.

“Magnus!” Isabelle’s chipper voice came over the phone, making Magnus grin.

“Isabelle, dear,” he replied, releasing the Chairman as he started squirming. “What can I do for you?”

“I’m glad you asked.”

***

Before the whole Magnus thing, Hodge was busy putting together interviews and guest shows and who knew what else, for both Alec and Jace. Hodge moved fast though. So, while Alec was getting swamped with information from all over the place about everything from the show, Hodge was already moving onto Magnus and appearances they’d have to make together. Just knowing that Hodge was doing all that, that Alec would actually have to do this, was all a little much.

Alec had been balancing the whole real life and acting thing for a long time, but it was a precious balance easily flipped on its head. And just then, it was dangerously close to falling apart.

The party was Jace’s idea. Knowing they’d have to start training soon, Jace had ordered pizza and invited everyone over. No one was allowed in unless they brought something unhealthy with them, one last hurrah before salads for life started, as Jace declared dramatically every time someone new arrived.

In the end, it was just the normal group, Isabelle, Jace, Simon, Clary, and Lydia. Alec was even having fun, at first.

“Should you guys even be eating this stuff?” Lydia had asked Clary and Isabelle as they tore into the brownies she brought. The coffee table was covered in boxes of pizza, the kitchen counters quickly becoming crowded with deserts, Chinese takeout, and burgers among other things.

Isabelle shrugged from where she stood in the kitchen with a brownie halfway to her mouth. “We work out enough that a little splurging won’t hurt. Clary always eats whatever she wants anyway,” she teased, eying Clary, who’d walked into the living room with a stack of brownies in her hands, critically.

“Hey!” Clary exclaimed, grabbing for Simon’s plate and throwing a fry at Isabelle’s head. “Don’t look at me like that, I haven’t gained any weight in years! I can still keep up with you,” she smirked. “Plus, it’s not like I can be fired. Magnus is like my brother and my best friend all in one.”

Alec quickly busied himself arranging the food on the counter at the mention of Magnus.

“Hey!” Simon shouted, looking up from his phone and giving Clary a wounded look. “I thought I was your best friend? I’ve know you longer than you’ve known Magnus!”

Clary shrugged, “Yeah, but he’s like…my big brother slash cool uncle or something. Mentor? It’s weird but, you know,” she shrugged, picking up another piece of pizza.

“Ignore Lydia,” Jace chimed in, reclining on the couch. “She always eats healthy, it’s freaky.”

Alec glanced at Lydia who was indeed eating a salad, but she just shrugged. “What? It’s tasty and I’m going to live longer than you,” she said.

Everyone threw fries this time, making Lydia shriek before getting this really serious look on her face. Just as Lydia was preparing her revenge by grabbing a handful of noodles from the nearest container and aiming for Jace, who was nearest her where she sat on an arm chair, there was a knock on the door.

As Lydia launched her handful of noodles and Jace ducked, Alec headed to the door without a thought.

“Wait!” Isabelle shouted suddenly.

Alec pulled the door open, glancing over his shoulder to frown at Isabelle so he didn’t see who was on the other side right away.

Not even thinking, Alec merely grinned, shaking his head as Jace sputtered, removing noodles from his hair while Lydia nonchalantly wiped her hands off, going back to her salad.

Alec was still grinning when he turned back around, finally looking to see who was at the door.

Alec’s eyes went wide, mouth dry; all he could do was stand there.

“Magnus.”

***

Magnus was frozen. He had no idea what he was doing there, how he’d let Isabelle convince him this was a good idea. He’d flat out refused when she called him… At first. It hadn’t lasted long. Really, it wasn’t his fault, it was really hard to say no to the younger Lightwood. Of course, it’d always been hard to say no to Alexander too…

Magnus blinked slowly, staring up at Alec. He’d listened to Isabelle when she’d insisted this would be good for them all. That they’d have to get used to seeing each other, that it would be fine and easy. He’d let himself think, for a second, that he really felt nothing and it didn’t matter, like Alec was just anyone else. Like he could just fake his way through it...

Magnus had not been expecting Alec to open the door, to be looking away, and for him to be grinning when he turned to Magnus.

Magnus forgot how to breathe, how to think, how to do basically everything; watching Alec’s eyes widen, the grin linger and then slowly fade.

Magnus felt his heart sinking even as he quickly reconstructed every wall he’d ever had to make sure Alec couldn’t see it.

Magnus didn’t know how long they stood there, just staring at each other, but it seemed to go on and on, minutes stretching into infinity as everyone slowly fell silent. Finally, unable to take his thundering heart and Alec’s dark hazel eyes drilling into him any longer, Magnus held up the bag he had.

“I brought ice cream.”

***

“What did you do?” Alec hissed, pulling the glass door to the balcony shut behind him. He’d waited as long as he could, as Magnus came in and immediately fell back in with everyone, while Alec was brooding moodily off to the side, not even bothering to hide it. Finally, Isabelle had given in, dragging Alec out to the balcony; Jace quickly following them.

Izzy leaned against the railing, tilting her head back and shrugging. “I just figured it’d be easier seeing him again with all of us around then alone,” she said simply.

“Are you serious?” Alec asked, voice soft even though he felt like yelling. He ran a hand through his hair, shaking his head. “I’ve spent two years avoiding him, I don’t want to see him-”

“Well, it’s too late for that,” Isabelle said, voice cold as she turned to face Alec. She rested her hands on her hips, practically glaring at Alec. “You’re going to have to see him now, no matter what. I’m just trying to help.”

Alec knew that was true so he shut up even though all he wanted was to keep arguing.

Jace intervened for him, “We know you mean well, Izzy, but you could’ve at least warned him?”

Isabelle rolled her eyes, scoffing.

Turning his back to his siblings, Alec watched through the glass door, eyes immediately drawn to Magnus who stood in the middle of the room, dressed in tight silver slacks and a loose emerald shirt, a carton of Chinese food in one hand, gesturing wildly with the other as he told Lydia what was sure to be a wildly exaggerated story.

Alec really needed to get his breathing under control.

“Alec.” Isabelle’s soft voice, and tentative touch on his arm, made him turn away from the apartment, to Izzy whose eyes were narrowed with concern. “Hey,” she said softly. “You okay?”

Alec shrugged. He hated the attention that came with everything that was going on, not his friends and family, but the media that was already so laser locked in on them; he hated having to see Magnus; he hated that he hated having to see Magnus.

“I don’t want to do this,” Alec groaned, shaking his head but getting no sympathy from his siblings.

“Don’t worry, man, it’ll be fine,” Jace said, slapping Alec’s back on his way past. “Besides, we’ll get more word going about the show, which is good!”

Jace slipped back inside as a stiff breeze sent a shiver down Alec’s back.

Isabelle lingered a moment, staring up at Alec. “I know you don’t like it, Alec,” she said softly. “But it will, probably, be fine.”

It would be fine, Alec kept telling himself that, but… But how was he supposed to fake a relationship with someone he barely knew anymore? With someone he couldn’t trust? With someone who’d broken his heart?

Alec glanced back inside to see Simon shaking his head as Magnus pointed to him.

Alec rolled his eyes, looking up. “Probably?”

Izzy shrugged, grinning. “I mean, it will be a disaster, but then it will be over,” she amended.

Alec rolled his eyes. “Jeez. Thanks, Izzy.”

***

Magnus stayed as long as he could manage, carefully and awkwardly avoiding Alec. Magnus himself wasn’t awkward but the situation was; that, and the fact that everyone else there knew just how carefully Magnus and Alec weren’t talking to each other, weren’t watching each other. Finally, though, he couldn’t take it anymore and came up with an excuse to leave.

“I’ll go with you,” Clary was quick to suggest, moving forward and setting her cup down.

Magnus, halfway to the door already and pretending he couldn’t feel the dark gaze on his back, quickly waved her away. “No, stay. Have fun,” he said. “I have work to do is all.”

Clary frowned, biting her bottom lip. “You’re sure? You don’t want to stay with us tonight?” she offered, of course referring to Luke and Jocelyn’s, the place Magnus still called home if he were being honest with himself.

“I have work,” Magnus repeated, smiling fondly as Clary opened her mouth to protest again. Moving closer and pulling her into a hug he whispered, “Really, biscuit, I’m fine.”

Waving goodbye to everyone else, Magnus was careful not to look at Alec, not sure what would happen if he did.

***

Alec slipped off to his room eventually, tired of eating and watching everyone else have fun while he felt miserable for some unknown reason. His retreat was followed by shrieks and laughter.

After showering, he stretched out on his bed with his laptop. Without thinking, he typed in a search, putting his headphones in and pulling up the first video that came up.

Alec spent the rest of the night watching Magnus. He watched interviews that he’d been avoiding ever since their breakup, and music videos he’d already seen all over the place a million times. Performances old enough that, for all he knew, he’d been at, and newer ones he knew he’d missed.

When he finally fell asleep, it was with his eyes wide open, mind spinning. He had so many emotions whirling in him but he wasn’t sure how he was supposed to feel about all of this. It’d been two years, he couldn’t still care, could he? He couldn’t still be hurt and angry… He had to be professional, had to be over it.

He put Magnus’ music on repeat on his phone before falling asleep, everything except his third album.

***

A single, off-key note floated through the room, rattling Magnus’ eardrums and making him flinch.

“Bad Chairman,” Magnus said, picking the small tabby cat up and moving him off the piano, onto the bench next to him. “We’ve talked about this Chairman, you are tone deaf, you can’t play the instruments,” Magnus berated, running his long fingers through the cat’s soft fur.

Chairman Meow leaned into Magnus’ side, purring softly.

Magnus turned his eyes back to the blank sheet music in front of him, letting out a deep sigh.

He’d been writing songs since he was eleven years old and still moving from one foster home to another, causing as much trouble as possible. He could still vividly remember nights in the group homes, huddled under a blanket with a notebook he filled with songs. He’d pick-pocketed enough money to buy his first guitar and taught himself how to play, never learning how to read sheet music until Luke took him in. Luke had owned a bookstore back then and Magnus had come in when he was living on the streets, 14 years old, asking to busk in the warmth. Within a month, Magnus was living with him.

In all that time, learning how to write actual songs and melodies, read sheet music, and play piano; in his nearly ten years with an actual music career and three albums he penned by himself; Magnus had encountered writer’s block on many occasions. He knew better than to force it, waiting for inspiration to find him — usually when he was running or dancing or showering — but… But he’d never gone over a year without writing. Like he had now.

Sure, he’d written a few lines here and there, even a song or two. But nothing good, nothing he wrote and then thought, _yes this will be a seller_. Or _yes, this means something_ ; _this says exactly what I want it to say._

Magnus remembered Jace’s words from the other day, “basically the whole world thinks Magnus’ entire last album is about Alec”. Magnus’ heart had raced at the words because, of course, they were right. Everything from that album was about Alec...

Twelve songs. Out of them, four were love songs, about falling in love, being in love, about how that person makes you feel, about…more intimate things. Five were breakup songs, mostly referred to as revenge songs though not all were so, some were about getting over…Alec. Two were…well, two were just sad. And the final one… Magnus preferred not to think about it. Refused to play it live. Never even talked about it, even though it was his current most popular song.

The problem was, someone could only write so many breakup songs, so many sad songs. And it was hard to write love songs when you weren’t in love. Without all that…Magnus wasn’t sure what to write about anymore. He didn’t want to be that person who was known for only writing about his ex’s and everyone knew his second album was highly inspired by one Camille Belcourt.

Magnus wanted to be more than that. There wasn’t anything wrong with it per say, but he wanted to be inspired by other things, the way he used to. It was hard to write a song when you didn’t know what you even wanted to say.

The last time Magnus had been truly inspired, was the weeks after the breakup, when he filled a whole notebook with lyrics, most of which he’d never shared with anyone else.

All this focus on song writing was, of course, supposed to be a distraction from thoughts of Alec. Magnus didn’t want to be forced to be around Alec, to talk about Alec, to talk _to_ Alec. Magnus couldn’t fake a relationship with someone he actually had feelings for at one point. Magnus couldn’t…he couldn’t deal with all this when he should’ve been focused on his music.

Panic slowly filling his gut, Magnus stood, snatching Chairman Meow and carrying the cat with him, out of the music room and down the hall of his giant apartment to the living room. Magnus laid on the big, fluffy couch, turning the TV on and quickly finding one of his favorite reality shows playing.

Magnus hated living alone, it was why Raphael lived with him in LA. It was why he always insisted on sharing rooms when on tour. It was why he’d never slept in his bed in his apartment here in New York by himself. In fact, since sharing the bed — and everything else —with a certain dark haired actor, Magnus had barely been back to the apartment. When in New York, he’d usually stay with Luke.

That place had never really felt like home. It was one of the first things he bought when he had his own money and it’d seemed like a good idea, this big step in his life. When, in reality, it was quiet and lonely. The only time he’d felt at home there had been extremely short lived.

Hours passed and it wasn’t until the middle of the night that Magnus found himself in his silky pajamas, under a fluffy blanket, with Chairman Meow curled up on his stomach, phone in his hand.

He had no good excuse for what he was doing. Honestly, he should’ve deleted the photos he was staring at, a long time ago. And he had meant to, he kept going too and then…and then he couldn’t bring himself to do it. Because, if he deleted the photos, they’d be gone. He’d never get them back. And what if one day he wanted them?

Still, usually he avoided actually flipping through them as they were all neat in a folder labeled: do not look at, even while drunk. And Magnus was very sober right then.

He was almost through the entire album, flipping through it backwards, starting with a picture he could vividly remember taking one morning as Alec lay sleeping in his bed. Alec was on his stomach in the picture, his bare back visible as Magnus had leaned over him to get a picture of his adorably sleepy face. Magnus hadn’t looked at that picture for very long, it was far too painful. They all were but, somehow, he couldn’t stop himself from looking through them.

Some he’d completely forgotten about; others he could remember the exact moment he’d taken them. Some he’d get stuck on, staring at them for minutes upon minutes like he was with this one currently. In the picture, Magnus and Alec were out front of Alec’s apartment building, it was the day he, Jace, and Izzy had signed the lease. Alec had been so proud to be paying for something himself, to be moving out of his parents’ house. Alec was grinning widely, teeth on display, head thrown back the littlest bit and his eyes doing that crinkly thing they only did when he was really, really happy. It was before they’d started…dating or whatever it was they did, but Alec’s arms were wrapped around Magnus’ shoulders as Alec peered at the camera over Magnus’ shoulder. And Magnus was grinning to, head tilted to the side and back to look up at Alec.

Eventually, Magnus sighed and tossed his phone to the other end of the couch. It was late, his head hurt, and he really needed to get some sleep before rehearsals in the morning.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know a lot of you are wondering what exactly happened between Magnus and Alec and all I can say is...you'll find out, eventually. Everything about this is going to be a nice slooooow burn, okay? I hope you're good with that! XD
> 
> Leave me comments and/or kudos and I will love you forever, feel free to share any thoughts/comments/opinions. I'm also on [Tumblr @imawriteriwrite](http://imawriteriwrite.tumblr.com/) follow me, yell at me, whatever you like!  
> Next chapter next week! I'd like to start posting twice a week but between my own busy schedule and my lovely beta readers I'm just not sure it's possible right now!
> 
> Thanks for reading you lovely biscuits! <3<3<3


	5. Your Skin My Skin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Malec's first public outing...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for being a day late!  
> Shout out to my amazing betas who are completely amazing and I love.  
> <3<3<3
> 
> Title from Your Skin My Skin by Empyr

Magnus groaned, moving to stretch out on his back and giving up on the yoga that was supposed to be relaxing him but was ruined the second Raphael walked into the room. Raphael had flown into New York just in time for Magnus’ concert the night before so, of course, he was staying with Magnus which Magnus was just beginning to realize was a terrible idea. Magnus loved Raphael, but dear god, he never shut up when he had an opinion about something in Magnus’ life.

It’d been nearly a week since the whole fake relationship business had started. Nothing had come of it yet, but Raphael already had an opinion on it, of course.

“I am merely suggesting that this is a terrible idea,” he was saying just then.

Magnus quirked an eyebrow without opening his eyes. “No. You aren’t suggesting, you’re…yelling at me, basically.”

Raphael sighed from across the room where he was stretching. “You need someone to yell at you, you clearly aren’t thinking straight.”

Magnus smirked, “I have _never_ claimed to think straight.”

He could hear Raphael scoffing from across the room.

“Get to the point,” Magnus finally said. He stayed in his spot on the floor of the gym in his apartment, knowing Raphael would tell him his opinion whether he wanted it or not. It was easier to simply let the other man get it over with fast.

“The point, Bane,” Raphael said, moving to stand over Magnus. “Is that this is a terrible idea. You remember what that boy did to you—”

“Hey!” Magnus tried to protest. He really didn’t want to do this now but Raphael carried on over him.

“You were a wreck and I had to pick up the pieces.”

“Jeez, Raph, thanks,” Magnus sneered, heart twisting. Opening his eyes, he sat up, quickly getting to his feet and folding his arms across his chest.

Raphael rolled his eyes. “I am merely telling you the truth. He broke you, it was worse than Camille.”

Magnus’ eyes closed of their own accord, flinching as if they weren’t merely words but a slap to the face. His fists clenched as his heart twisted.

When, after a deep breath, Magnus finally opened his eyes, he saw red for a minute, blinking until Raphael’s blurred form finally came into focus.

“What did you just say?” Magnus asked in a tight voice.

Rolling his eyes, Raphael repeated himself. “He broke you, Magnus. Worse than Camille.”

“Fuck you, Santiago,” Magnus bit back, unable to hold himself back. “You don’t know everything,” he added, trying to reign in the anger that was trying to take over.

“I know enough,” Raphael said, turning his back to Magnus.

“No. You _don’t_.”

Magnus was surprised not only by how vicious his voice came out, but how protective he suddenly felt of Alexander, fighting back the urge to rage at Raphael for what he was saying; insinuating that Alec was worse than Camille...

Magnus fell silent, letting the feeling simmer in his gut, making him want to scream. He let his breath out slowly, trying to calm himself. Why did he feel that way? It was over. Long since. He shouldn’t…shouldn’t want to protect Alec from words he couldn’t even hear. But…

“Alec did not cheat on me,” he continued viciously, glancing up to meet Raphael’s eyes. “Alec did not try to destroy my career. Alec…Alec,” Magnus trailed off, shaking his head. He couldn’t breathe as memories threatened to bombard him. Was it too much to ask to have to never think of any of this again?

“Alec and I were no one’s fault,” he finally said. “It just…happened. It wasn’t meant to be.” Magnus’ chest felt too small, caving in around his heart.

Raphael’s eyes were burning but he remained silent as Magnus unclenched his fists.

Magnus shook his head. “You’re right, there is no way this can possibly end well,” he said. “I’m well aware of that, but I have no choice.”

Magnus turned and left. Raphael didn’t apologize and Magnus didn’t expect him too. They’d be fine after they both cooled off.

In the bathroom, leaning heavily against the sink, Magnus shook his head at his reflection, forcing himself to take deep breaths. He was Magnus fucking Bane; he could do this. He would fake the best relationship and it would be over soon enough. He would be civil with Alec and…and he wouldn’t even think about before. He was over it.

Continuing his pep talk as he undressed, it slowly became easier for Magnus to breathe. He’d write his songs, get recording again… Everything would be perfectly fine. As long as he could keep the past firmly in the past; it just complicated things.

***

Alec stormed into the apartment, slamming the door behind him.

“Alec,” Isabelle called sharply from the kitchen.

Ignoring her, Alec stalked off down the hall to his room. Alec had…a little problem. He couldn’t get his anger under control. Ever since this thing with Magnus had started, he couldn’t concentrate and he couldn’t get his anger over the whole situation to go away. Jace and Lydia had noticed during training. Clary noticed when Alec snapped at her to pass the butter over their group breakfast that morning, even Simon had made a comment about it.

He really just needed to get it under control. He needed to get everything under control, he thought, jumping into the shower as he’d just come from the gym.

To be honest, Alec had spent way too much time the last few days reliving and thinking about…everything. It wasn’t good for him. It made him too distracted. He couldn’t afford to be distracted, too much was happening right then. He needed to focus on the show, and do the stupid publicity stunt, and then put all of that behind him. This was his chance, if the show did well… He wouldn’t even let himself think about it.

Alec showered quickly before heading back to the kitchen and grabbing a bottle of water. He sat at the counter, telling himself to chill out.

“Earth to Alec,” Izzy said sharply, punctuating her words with a roll aimed at Alec’s head.

Alec wasn’t paying attention, the roll bouncing off his head the only thing that made him look up. Izzy stood on the other side of the counter, eating a bowl of fruit, a bag of bread rolls in her hand as she prepared to throw more at Alec.

Alec held his hands up in surrender, “Hey!”

Izzy narrowed her eyes, bringing her arm down. “What’s with you?” she asked, watching him intently.

Alec sighed, running a hand through his wild hair. “Nothing,” he insisted, grabbing the roll that had landed on the counter next to him.

Izzy rolled her eyes, discarding the rolls for her fork and a bite of pineapple. “Yeah, I can tell.”

Alec stared down at his hands, pulling apart the roll Izzy had thrown at him. Alec waited, knowing Isabelle wouldn’t just let it go and…right on cue: “Come on, Alec,” Isabelle said, “Clearly something’s wrong. You’re snapping at everyone, you barely made fun of Simon at breakfast. Talk to me,” she insisted, all but begging.

Alec had lots of experience with his sister which was why he was able to simply ignore her. The longer Alec stayed quiet, pulling the roll into tiny pieces but not eating it, the more Isabelle fidgeted and sighed, trying to pretend like it didn’t bother her when they both knew it did.

Eventually, Isabelle threw another roll at Alec’s head. “Fine,” she exclaimed. “If you won’t tell me what’s bothering you, then I’ll talk. This is a _horrible_ idea.”

Alec glanced up, raising an eyebrow at Izzy’s sharp voice. There was no hint of amusement on her face, all one hundred percent sincerity — okay, maybe a little anger mixed in which just confused Alec more.

“What are you talking about, Iz?”

Isabelle threw her bowl and fork into the sink, not bothering to clean them up. Turning back to Alec, she rested her hands on her hips. Her eyes were on fire, drilling into Alec. “I’m talking about this…this lie! You and Magnus,” she said, throwing her hands up.

Alec froze, breath caught in his throat.

“I’m talking about how stupid this is! I can’t fucking believe Hodge and this bullshit,” she went on, practically screaming. “I can’t believe you, just going along with this! This is a horrible idea and I think you should get out of it while you still can.”

Alec’s mouth opened and closed but no words came out. He was shocked by Isabelle’s outburst, unable to form a coherent sentence as Izzy let out a deep breath, letting her arms fall to her sides.

“I’m worried about you, Alec,” she said, no longer screaming. “I’m worried about _Magnus_ ; there’s no way this doesn’t end in disaster.”

It was so unlike Isabelle to not support…anything. Everything Alec had ever done it seemed, had Isabelle’s support one hundred and ten percent. She’d always been on Alec’s side, just like Alec was on hers. Alec had known she wasn’t happy about the situation but he hadn’t expected this. He couldn’t blame her. But, what was he supposed to do?

“Why’d you invite him over the other night then?” Alec found himself asking without making the decision to do so.

Izzy looked up sharply, glaring. She stared down at her nails for a minute, chewing her lip in thought. “I don’t know,” she finally said. “I thought it would help? You’d see you couldn’t do this and call it off or…or maybe things would go good?”

Alec’s breath hitched in his throat, maybe things would go good? What did that even mean? They’d get back together—

Alec cut his thoughts off, shaking his head. “I can’t,” he finally said, sighing. “I _can’t_ call it off, Iz. It’s too late. I need the publicity, Magnus…Magnus needs it,” Alec rambled, only vaguely aware of what he was saying.

“It will be fine, Isabelle,” he finally said, having to force the words out because he wasn’t sure of them at all. “It’s been two years. I think — I mean, we’re over it. It’s all in the past.”

When Alec finally looked up, Isabelle was shaking her head. “The past doesn’t always stay the past, Alec. You guys can insist as much as you want that it doesn’t matter, that you’re over it and mean nothing to each other, but it doesn’t erase everything you used to be. It doesn’t make it true.” Izzy’s voice was soft as she reached out to squeeze Alec’s hand.

“I just don’t want to see you guys hurt each other again,” she said, before grabbing a bottle of water and leaving Alec alone in the kitchen with his thoughts.

Everything is fine, Alec told himself sternly, everything would be _fine_. Before he could continue his pep talk, his phone buzzed. He pulled it out of his pocket, heart sinking when he saw the text from Hodge. Alec let his head fall forward onto the kitchen counter, letting out a loud, drawn out groan.

Of fucking course.

***

Magnus was in the middle of a songwriting session when his phone buzzed beside him. Normally, he would’ve had the phone off and tucked out of sight while writing but this session, like so many others recently, hadn’t been going well and he’d given in to checking his messages a few minutes before.

Magnus’ gaze moved over the screen quickly, reading Catarina’s words once, twice, three times before they sunk in.

“Fuck,” Magnus muttered.

***

Isabelle grudgingly dressed Alec for the night. At the end of the day, Alec did not have very good fashion sense, or rather, he preferred to simply go everywhere in dark pants and a plain black shirt. When he was feeling wild, he’d put on a nice black shirt, but that was the extent of his self-purchased wardrobe. Everything else, Izzy had either picked out or else someone else had decided Alec would wear it. Perks of the job.

Isabelle normally took any opportunity to dress Alec more than willingly, grinning and laughing the whole time. That night, she was nearly silent as she dug through his walk-in closet, picking out a black suit with a teal shirt and a dark tie. Topping it off with one of his nicer pairs of shoes that honestly, Alec could not tell the difference between.

“Brush your hair, maybe even a little gel,” Izzy said, studying Alec where he stood in the middle of his room in his workout gear. “Shower, dress, then I’ll tell you if you’re wearing the jacket or not,” she said before turning and leaving.

Alec sighed. This, Isabelle being so outspoken and clearly against everything, might complicate things.

***

Magnus couldn’t deny his nerves as Alec slipped into the limo next to him. There were so many reasons this night was wrong, was not how it was supposed to be. The first being that it was their first very public outing, when they weren’t even actually together. Alec’s first public outing where they were basically confirming they were together. And Alec — while there’d been lots of speculation as to his sexuality — had never actually come out.

Magnus used to dream of that moment. Of Alec finally being comfortable enough to go out in public together, holding hands, kissing. He’d plan it in his head over and over again, a dozen different ways. But, in all of them, they’d been together, in love. Alec had done it because he wanted to, wanted to come out, wanted to be with Magnus. Not for some stupid PR stunt.

Swallowing the lump in his throat, Magnus glanced over casually as the limo started moving again. Alec looked…nice, almost too nice. Magnus knew Isabelle must’ve dressed him, he wasn’t wearing a jacket, his arms on display in a tight shirt. And, if Magnus wasn’t mistaken, there was actual product in his hair.

Magnus glanced away quickly, rubbing his hands on his pants. Magnus himself was wearing tight, dark purple skinny jeans, combat style boots, and a tight black jacket that swooped out nicely in the back. His hair was spiked up, eyes surrounded by makeup and glitter. Magnus didn’t have a stylist, he picked out all his own clothes. It was one of his favorite parts about being famous.

This… Being forced to go to the premiere of some play neither of them were supposed to go to, having their first “public appearance”, was not his favorite part of being famous. More of a contender for his least favorite part.

***

Alec couldn’t breathe; his tie was too tight, the back of the limo was too hot, and Magnus was too close. He couldn’t breathe.

Somehow, Alec had managed to block out all thoughts of this part of their…agreement. Of their fake relationship. The part where they’d have to confirm it, basically, very publicly. The part where he’d have to be seen holding Magnus’ hand and…and who knew what else. The part where everyone would know — Okay, everyone already knew Alec was gay, or thought they did anyway, but he’d never said it and as long as it wasn’t said, he could still pretend he was safe in the closet. Like it didn’t affect the roles he got. Like it didn’t make his parents look at him like something they despised.

The air in the back of the limo was suffocating, pressing down and around Alec like it was trying to kill him. There was a buzzing in his ears that he didn’t know where came from and his pulse raced, heart beating so hard it almost hurt.

It would be fine, he kept telling himself. It wasn’t like he hadn’t been planning on doing it anyway, at some point. Everyone already knew for the most part. It wasn’t that big of deal. But it _was_.

Alec didn’t even notice it when the limo stopped.

“Alec,” Magnus’ voice came a few moments later, soft and achingly familiar. “Alexander, look at me.”

Alec couldn’t help himself, he looked.

Magnus turned to face him in the back of the limo, wide, sympathetic eyes gazing over every inch of Alec’s face, reading him as easily as ever. Magnus reached out like he was going to touch Alec before letting his hand fall again. Alec’s eyes were narrowed in on Magnus’ face, waiting.

Alec tried to breathe but it was hard; his heart beat too fast.

Magnus’ eyes went soft, “Breathe,” he said, simply. “Breathe.”

Alec nodded, letting his eyes close and forcing air in and out. It’s fine, he told himself. Everyone already knew about…everything. No, he corrected himself, they thought they knew everything. They didn’t know—

“Listen to me,” Magnus said. Alec opened his eyes again to see Magnus leaning closer, staring him right in the eyes. “We won’t do anything you don’t want to, okay? No kissing. We don’t even have to hold hands. Just breathe, okay?”

Alec nodded, swallowing dryly. He’d never come out, he thought, struggling for breath. He’d never had the chance to do it how he wanted too…if he ever actually wanted too. Everything had just…blown up. And he’d tried to pretend it hadn’t but he couldn’t pretend anymore. This…this relationship might not be real, but going out there with Magnus _was_. The conclusions everyone would make — that they wanted them to make — were real whether they were the truth or not.

“Now, listen,” Magnus continued, letting his eyes move past Alec to glance out the window. “This isn’t even a big deal, okay? It’s just a small premiere, you’ve done it a million times, we’ll just walk together okay? Not even touching.”

Alec’s eyes locked with Magnus’ when Magnus looked at him again. He was breathing easier but there was a new feeling in his gut just then.

“Everyone out there, every reporter, every cameraman, every other celebrity even. Anyone who sees any of the pictures the paparazzi are sure to get,” Magnus said, his calm and even voice turning slightly ragged. He shook his head slowly at Alec, “They don’t matter, okay? They’ve already made up their mind about you and me and everything. We don’t even have to convince them of anything, okay? All we have to do…is get out of the car, let them take our pictures and go inside. Okay?”

Alec nodded, letting out a deep breath. He was overreacting, everything would be fine. Perfectly fine. Probably.

“Also, there’s alcohol in there.”

***

Magnus was only vaguely aware of getting out of the car, of flashing lights and shouted voices as they posed for pictures. Suddenly, they were inside, the camera lights disappearing and Magnus could pull in a deep breath, not sure of where his last one had gone. It wasn’t that Magnus was nervous about pretending; it was that he was pissed. Alec…Alec shouldn’t have to do this.

Magnus breathed deeply, he just had to decompress, not think about who he was standing next too.

The next thing Magnus was really aware of, was Alec pressing a flute of champagne into his hand as they moved to find seats.

Once they’d sat down and Magnus had drained his champagne, gratefully accepting another from a passing server, he started feeling normal. If normal meant being overly aware of every inch between him and Alec…

Magnus forced himself to focus on the stage below, it would be easier to ignore Alec.

***

Standing around after the play, Alec’s technique of not thinking, just breathing, started failing him. It wasn’t just all the people with cameras floating around, flashing their lights as they took endless pictures. It wasn’t just the hugeness of everything, of Alec basically confirming for the first time that he was gay. It was— It was Magnus, and memories eating away at his mind. It was all the people crowding the room. It was just…too much.

Alec breathed deeply, standing just a little too close to Magnus to be considered just being friendly. Magnus carried conversations with any number of other celebrities and who knew who else, while Alec just stood there, smiling forcibly every once in a while.

The memories that had been trying to break through since Alec slipped into the limo that night, finally started gaining ground, forcing Alec to remember things he didn’t want too, like snapshots in his mind.

The first premiere he’d been to with Magnus, when they were just friends. They’d grabbed a bottle of champagne and hid in a back room somewhere during the last half of the movie because it was terrible.

Alec blinked the memory of Magnus with his tie undone, the top three buttons of his shirt open, tongue flicking out to lick his lips after a drink of champagne, from his memory. He shook his head, swallowing a drink of the champagne he was currently holding and turning to Magnus who glanced away but not before Alec saw the concerned look on his face.

The anger returned quickly and Alec did his best to temper it down. This was a horrible idea, Isabelle was right. Alec couldn’t be here, anywhere, with Magnus. Not after… Not after everything.

The memories wouldn’t stay locked away, insistently breaking out. Alec and Magnus dancing. Alec watching one of Magnus’ hundreds of concerts from the front row. Magnus searching him out in the crowd so that their eyes were locked for the slower songs.

Alec swallowed, raising his glass to his mouth only to find it was empty. Before he could process that, Magnus was taking the glass and replacing it with his own, quickly turning away to resume talking to someone else. It was such a casual gesture, it shouldn’t mean anything that Magnus knew how hard this night was for him, that he was keeping all the attention on himself and off of Alec. Like he… _cared_.

Faces were blurring in Alec’s vision. There was this feeling of wrong surrounding the whole night. This was wrong; Magnus was wrong; everything was just…wrong. This wasn’t how Alec was supposed to come out. Alec wasn’t supposed to be around Magnus again, it was over, it was supposed to stay in the past but he couldn’t even go one fucking night without sinking right back into it, without remembering every second they spent together.

Alec blinked and, the next thing he knew, Magnus had his hand and was leading him outside. Then they were in the limo, leaving everything except Alec’s whirling thoughts and hectic emotions behind.

Alec leaned back, closed his eyes, and let out a deep breath.

***

They’d barely said a handful of words to each other, how were they ever going to get through this? Magnus wondered, staring at Alec, leaning back with his eyes closed.

Magnus took the opportunity to really study him, something he hadn’t done yet, never daring to steal more than a few quick looks. Alec looked — Alec looked just as he always had. Hair a little longer than he used to keep it maybe, but still a dark, wild mess. His long lashes falling across his lighter skin and hiding his beautiful hazel eyes. Still so damn tall and beautiful.

But, even though he looked the same, it wasn’t the same. Because he didn’t smile at Magnus, like he used too. His eyes didn’t light up in a way that made Magnus lose his breath when he looked at Magnus. He didn’t talk idly or play with Magnus’ hand like he didn’t even realize he was doing it. He didn’t —

“Where too?”

Magnus looked away quickly, clearing his throat and meeting the driver’s gaze in the mirror. When Alec didn’t reply, Magnus told him to take them back to his place. Alec just sat there, breathing steadily, eyes still closed but Magnus stopped looking at him, swallowing multiple times before the lump in his throat started to go away.

When they pulled up outside Magnus’ apartment and Alec still hadn’t said anything, had barely moved, Magnus finally broke the silence unable to remain silent any longer. “I’m sorry you had to go through that Alexan— Alec,” Magnus whispered softly.

When Alec’s eyes flicked open, meeting Magnus’ right away, Magnus stopped breathing, a million memories washing over him.

This was such a bad idea, he thought for the millionth time.

***

Alec didn’t know what he was doing as he followed Magnus inside his apartment without a word. There was something building up in Alec — making it hard to swallow, making his stomach clench — and he didn’t know what it was but he knew he shouldn’t have been following Magnus upstairs.

Everything was fine, Magnus keeping up endless chatter about nothing much, until they got to Magnus’ floor, the elevator opening right into the living room. It was like, the second Alec stepped one inch inside Magnus’ loft, everything came back, all at once, in an overwhelming flood of memories. All the laughter and happiness. All the anger and resentment. All the pain and…and it took Alec’s breath away and left nothing but anger.

“Drinks?” Magnus suggested, striding out of the elevator without a glance towards Alec.

And Alec…Alec snapped. Following Magnus, he said, in a low, cold voice, “What are we even doing?”

Magnus spun around slowly, raising an eyebrow. “Pardon?”

“What the hell are we doing Magnus?” Alec repeated, shaking his head and glancing away. His eyes roamed over the dark living room with its expensive leather furniture and fancy paintings, a wall of windows to the right. Everywhere he looked, held more and more memories. The couch where Alec slept the first time he stayed over. The windows that took up a whole wall and where they’d sit on the floor to eat breakfast at four in the morning.

Alec snorted, “We can’t fake a relationship. We hadn’t even _seen_ each other in two years a week ago.”

Magnus sighed, Alec heard it but he was turned away now, Magnus somewhere behind him. “Look, Alexan- Alec,” Magnus quickly corrected. Alec ignored what it did to him to hear that. “It’s not an ideal situation, I think we can agree. But it is what it is. We’ll do it, and it will be over before we know it. We won’t even have to see each other very often, don’t worry,” Magnus added, and there was so much resentment in those last two words that Alec whirled around, finding Magnus already staring at him. Glaring, anyway.

Alec rolled his eyes. “This is stupid,” he muttered.

Alec could literally see Magnus bristle at those words. “I get why you’re so against this,” Magnus gritted out through clenched teeth. “I’m not thrilled with the situation either. But don’t take it out on me,” he continued, folding his arms. “It’s _your_ manager's fault.”

Alec scoffed, turning away again. “Always blaming someone else,” Alec mumbled.

Everything was silent and still for a full minute. Alec stopped breathing, eyes widening once he realized what he’d said and Magnus freezing mid-step behind him.

Eventually, Magnus let out a sharp, humorless laugh. “We’re going to do this, then?” he asked, striding forward to face Alec head on. “Now?”

Alec shrugged. “You’re the one who started all of this,” he said, letting the anger that had been brewing all week, fill him, power him.

“Real mature, Alexander,” Magnus replied, throwing his hands up. “Blame me.”

“Don’t,” Alec snapped all at once. “Call me that.”

Magnus stood no more than a foot away, he’d been about to walk away, but stopped. They were both breathing heavily now, staring at each other.

“Just say what you want to say,” Magnus finally gritted out.

Alec stared at Magnus for a minute where he stood with his arms crossed, eyes shining with fire as he glared up at Alec. And for one second, Alec couldn’t imagine how they’d gotten there. How any of this, the last two years of his life, had happened. And then that moment passed and his mouth opened, words he hadn’t known he’d been thinking, spilling out.

“Fine. I don’t want to _see_ you. I can’t believe that interview you did and I wish you hadn’t texted me the other night. I wish you hadn’t let Isabelle convince you to throw that party and I don’t want to be here…looking at you.”

Alec paused for a moment, taking deep breaths. “I don’t want to be here; I don’t want to do this. What are we even doing? You and I…we can’t— I can’t — After everything that happened, how can we do anything together, let alone fake a relationship? I can’t — I _can’t_ be around you!” Alec hadn’t known the words were chained inside him until he unleashed them in a chaotic jumble he wasn’t even sure made sense.

Magnus blanched, eyes squeezed closed for a moment. Alec watched him swallow, barely breathing himself, before opening his eyes.

“That all?” Magnus finally asked.

Alec threw his hands up, shaking his head. “I don’t know why I bother. I almost forgot, you’re Magnus fucking Bane and nothing phases you, nothing hurts you; _nothing matters to you_.”

Magnus went stiff, eyes hard and closed off, mouth set. Then, all at once, he relaxed. “Because we all know how good you are at having and expressing feelings, Alec,” he said in a quiet voice.

Alec’s heartbeat echoed loudly through his ears.

Magnus shook his head. “Don’t you dare act like everything is my fault. You think I wanted tonight to go like this? For you to be forced to come out? For _any_ of this to happen?”

“Could’ve fooled me,” Alec was quick to cut in, shaking his head. “That interview?”

Alec watched Magnus’ hands turn into fists, watched him clench his jaw and shake his head. “That,” he said, voice harder now. “That…was a mistake. It was a long time ago, and I was hurt and said things…”

Alec scoffed, turning away. “Yeah? Well, I was hurt too, but I would never do something like that. Something…something so cold hearted. And you expect me to believe you actually care?”

Alec turned back around, heart stopping in his chest. Did he really just say that? Magnus had frozen again, face expressionless. Alec opened his mouth to say something, he didn’t know what, but it didn’t matter because Magnus just shook his head.

“Feel better?” he asked but didn’t wait for a reply. “Great. You can go now.”

Without another word, Magnus turned, heading down the hallway and disappearing into the bedroom. Numbly, Alec turned and left.

***

Magnus was shaking as he shut his bedroom door behind him. That was not how he’d seen the night going. He wasn’t—he couldn’t stand around screaming at Alec all night, even if he wanted too.

Magnus sat on the edge of his bed, gritting his teeth. How dare Alec act like everything was his fault? Magnus had made mistakes, before they broke up and after, but he wasn’t the only one to blame.

Magnus closed his eyes tightly, his heart was racing, his chest hurt, everything hurt. He breathed in and out slowly, forcing all his thoughts away in an effort to avoid breaking down or else doing something else stupid and unnecessary.

Magnus didn’t know how long he sat there shaking before finally pulling himself to the bathroom. When he crawled into bed that night, all he could picture was Alec’s face, eyes narrowed in anger and then widening in shock as he realized what he’d said. Magnus screwed his eyes shut tight, willing sleep to come and take him away.

***

Alec took two steps into his apartment, then he found a convenient wall and sank to the ground. Pressing back against the wall, Alec closed his eyes, breathing in slow, short breaths through his nose before letting them out through his mouth.

“Alec?” Izzy’s hesitant voice came a few minutes later. She must’ve heard the door close. “Is everything okay?”

Alec didn’t say anything, bringing his knees up and resting his arms on them, his head on top.

“What happened?” Isabelle whispered. Alec felt his sister sinking to the ground next to him, resting a light hand on his arm. “Talk to me.”

Eventually, Alec looked up, shaking his head and getting to his feet. He cleared his throat. “It’s nothing,” he muttered, moving to his room without a backward glance.

Alec didn’t even know if he meant it, any of the things he’d said. He’d just been so _angry_ and he’d needed to do something and that…that was all he could do. It didn’t make it any easier to sleep, didn’t make him feel any better; didn’t stop him from watching videos of Magnus all night once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SORRY!!! All I can say is this is as bad as it gets, we can only go up from here!  
> Let's shoot for Thursday at the latest for chapter 6?
> 
> Tell me whar you think in the comments, kudos comfort Malec, and yell at me on [Tumblr @imawriteriwrite](http://imawriteriwrite.tumblr.com/)!
> 
> <3<3<3


	6. Perfect Illusion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of their fight and Magnus goes back to L.A.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout out to my amazing betas! <3
> 
> Chapter title from Perfect Illusion by Lady Gaga (am I missing a perfect opportunity by not naming every chapter after a Lady Gaga song?!?)

_Rumors of a relationship seem to be confirmed after Magnus Bane and Alec Lightwood were spotted together last night at the newest Broadway premiere. Sources say that, after rumors seemed to be confirmed two years ago that the two had been seeing each other in secret before calling it quits for unknown reasons, they are trying again._

_This, of course, brings back the question of Alec Lightwood’s sexuality—_

Magnus groaned, tossing his phone down on the table in front of him. He’d woken up to endless links from Cat and Clary, even Simon and Isabelle. Article upon article, always accompanied with a picture of them from the night before. Mostly posed shots, a few candids from the after party. Every article was just a repeat of the one before, yet Magnus couldn’t seem to stop reading them.

He felt sick, stomach rolling as he sipped his tea. How had it only been a week? It felt as if everything had changed in that week, his real life, back in LA, on the road, pretending Alec didn’t exist — something that had gotten easier with time — was so far away.

Staring down into his cup of tea, Magnus couldn’t help but remember the first time Alec and he had been photographed together, back when they’d first started…dating or whatever it was they’d been doing. They’d been together for a few months in secret; Alec told him from the beginning that he couldn’t come out yet, wasn’t ready. And Magnus had respected that, of course, it was Alec’s decision and Magnus knew from experience how hard it could be. Things had been good though, so much better than he ever could’ve imagined. And he’d imagined a lot, since the day he met Alec. It’d taken them a good year to get together back then…

Magnus shook his head, quickly swallowing the rest of his tea. He shouldn’t be thinking about that, shouldn’t be remembering how good it was. Shouldn’t be remembering anything. Not the way Alec had freaked out when the paparazzi got that first picture of them — that was completely innocent and spawned no rumors. Not the way Magnus had felt, panicked beyond reason as Alec paced up and down in his apartment, hands running obsessively through his hair. How Magnus had been so sure Alec would turn to him and call it quits. How, instead, Alec had wrapped his arms around Magnus, crushing him close and confessing how terrified he was of coming out, how he wanted to do it one day, but on his own terms.

Done with himself and his wayward thoughts, Magnus tossed his tea cup into the sink so hard that it shattered. Picking up his phone on the way out of the kitchen, Magnus texted Luke, asking him to get him on the next flight back to LA. Magnus had nothing left in New York, he needed to get back to real life.

Breathing deep and even, Magnus went to start packing.

Lying awake in bed all night, he’d had plenty of time to think, to plan. All he had to do was stick with the plan and everything would be fine. Unfortunately, that plan included having to talk to Alec.

***

Alec let his anger carry him, lashing out again and again with his fists, thoroughly beating the punching bag into submission. Every time a memory or loose thought tried to enter his mind, he punched the bag again and again and again until—

“Alec,” Jace snapped. “Chill.”

Breathing heavily, damp hair falling in his face, Alec glanced up, the punching bag swinging slightly as Jace let go of it. His adoptive brother was staring at him in concern, frowning slightly, his multicolored eyes narrowed.

Alec quickly let his hands fall to his sides, shaking his head to clear it of the fog he’d fallen under while working out.

“Dude, what’s up?” Jace asked, moving over to the bench where their water bottles sat and throwing one to Alec just as Isabelle entered in her workout clothes.

“Alright, I’m ready to beat you losers into submission, who’s first?” Isabelle grinned, gaze moving over Jace and to Alec. She stopped as her eyes locked on Alec, narrowing thoughtfully. “What’s wrong?”

Sipping from his water bottle, Alec rolled his eyes. “How do you do that?”

Izzy grinned, looking proud. “It’s a gift.”

Jace wiped his face on a towel, jerking his head for Isabelle to come closer so the other people in the gym couldn’t overhear them. Alec reluctantly followed.

“Alec,” Jace started, smirking at Alec. “Apparently has a grudge against the punching bag. Or me,” he added, rubbing his shoulder with an exaggerated flinch.

Isabelle quickly turned to Alec, running her eyes up and down him as she bit her lip. “What happened last night?” she finally asked.

Jace sobered up then, which just made Alec feel worse. Jace looked back at Alec, frowning. “Oh yeah. How was…everything?”

Alec rolled his eyes, shaking out his shoulders and the tension gathering in them. “It was fine,” he said flatly. “The play sucked. We stood around for a few minutes at the after party and then left.”

Isabelle hesitated for a moment as Alec practically bounced on his feet, eager to get back to his work out. “And you’re okay? Even though you basically confirmed to the world that, you know… you’re…” she hesitated, waving her hand.

“Gay?” Alec supplied, almost amused by the expressions on his sibling's faces. “You’re allowed to say it, Isabelle. Like you said, everyone knows now anyway,” he shrugged it off, pretending it hadn’t kept him awake most the night. Of course, that wasn’t the only reason he hadn’t been able to sleep.

Isabelle opened her mouth again but her phone went off and she had to turn away, leaving Alec and Jace standing there. Jace shifted awkwardly, never one to be good at talking about feelings. Alec sighed after Jace continually went from staring down at his hands to up at Alec and back again.

“Just ask,” Alec said flatly.

Jace straightened up, shrugging. “Okay,” he said. “What are you angry at?”

“Angry?” Alec asked. Having not expected that question, he deflected, “Who said I was angry? I’m fine.”

Jace scoffed, staring at Isabelle’s back and shaking his head. “You don’t work out like that,” he said, pointing back to the punching bag, “Unless you’re angry, Alec. I know you.”

Isabelle returned then, saving Alec from having to reply. She was frowning and biting her lip, never a good combination. She looked up at Alec again, “You’re sure nothing happened last night?”

“Yes,” Alec said through gritted teeth.

“Why?” Jace asked.

Isabelle shrugged, “Nothing. Magnus is just going back to LA in the morning. He was supposed to stay another week,” she explained, eyes locked on Alec who was forcing himself not to react even as the knots in his stomach tied together even tighter.

White noise rushed through his brain, filling his head as Jace pulled Isabelle’s gaze to him. “Are you going with him?”

Isabelle glanced at Alec again who busied himself adjusting his gloves. She shook her head. “No, not yet. He doesn’t need me right now, and I don’t have any auditions or anything, so I figured I’d hang out a bit.”

Jace grinned but Alec missed the rest of the conversation, his mind filling with unwanted thoughts.

There was this strange feeling in his gut, anger mixed with confusion mixed with a strange sadness and pining. It was eerily similar to the feeling he used to get whenever Magnus would leave. It’d been hard, back then, finding time to spend together. Magnus was always on tour or doing something, while Alec was filming and promoting his movie.

Memories of being wrapped tightly around Magnus with this feeling, like he was already missing him, in his gut, and every morning he woke up knowing Magnus was leaving and it’d more than likely be weeks until they saw each other in person again, were too easy to conjure and harder to force away. It hadn’t always been like that, there were weeks they’d spend in the same state and those were the best, but there’d always been something fun about sneaking around. Surprising each other by showing up randomly…

There would always be a moment, where Alec couldn’t do anything but stare at Magnus when he’d show up out of the blue to surprise him. They’d just stare at each other, suddenly finding it hard to breathe as Magnus smiled softly at him just before they crashed together.

Turning suddenly, Alec headed back to the punching bag.

“Alec?” Jace asked. “Alec,” he said again, quickly following on Alec’s heels. “What are you doing?”

Alec glanced over at him once, “Training. Now grab the bag.”

Alec had never done feelings well, when he had feelings, when he didn’t know what to do or think and was overwhelmed, the only way to stop it, was to take it out on the punching bag. Growing up, he’d had one in his room. There was a period of time when he was fifteen that he’d spend hours every day, just wailing on it until Isabelle and Jace would come in and force him to stop.

The solid thunk of his fist hitting the bag always managed to calm him, making it easier to breathe. Allowing him to think through hard things without panicking. Like now. He was so confused. A week of barely seeing Magnus was enough to throw his whole world out of whack and he didn’t know why. Why Magnus still had that kind of hold on him. Why he couldn’t just let it go like he so desperately wanted too.

Why, every time he closed his eyes or let his guard down for just one second, all he could see and think, was Magnus. So Alec hit the punching bag again and again and again, waiting to gain control of his emotions once again.

***

Magnus had a flight early the next morning. He woke up at what should’ve been an illegally early hour to shower, putting on just a little eyeliner and slicking his hair up in just a few minutes after getting out of the shower. He threw on his plane clothes that were dark skinny jeans, a hoodie that was too big for him, and slippers.

He hadn’t brought much to New York with him and all he was taking back to LA was easy enough to fit into a small carry-on. His laptop, songwriting book, and a few other things. Lastly, as his car waited for him downstairs, he quickly gathered the Chairman into his cat carrier, whispering calming words to the little drama queen as he went.

It wasn’t until he was downstairs, in the back of the car with the Chairman, that he let himself think about things. Letting out a deep sigh and resting his head against the window, he felt like a confused teenager, not the mature adult he was. He would be meeting Alec for breakfast at the airport. But it was fine, he had a plan. He knew what he was going to say and everything. It was fine. He wasn’t hurt over what Alec had said, it was just a stupid fight that had been inevitable. They didn’t have to like each other or the situation, they just had to get through it.

And Magnus would.

***

Alec didn’t know what to say as he approached the small booth in the back of the small restaurant where Magnus waited. He forced himself not to look around though he knew Hodge had tipped off some paparazzi of where they were, not that Alec was sure they’d even be able to get in to the airport. He was sure Hodge had figured out something though, he always did.

The restaurant was empty but for them, either because it wasn’t even five in the morning, or because of who Magnus was.

Alec forced himself not to stare, slipping into the booth across from Magnus who was dressed casually. Flying was the only time Magnus ever dressed so casual, and even then, it was only for long flights or if he was tired, Alec knew from experience. Magnus always liked to look his best, of course, Alec could’ve once argued that this was Magnus’ best: a hoodie that he was nearly drowning in and sinfully tight pants.

Alec glanced away, clearing his throat. Not more than a minute had passed, he needed to get his thoughts in order. “Hi,” he ended up mumbling.

Magnus finally looked up from the thin paper menu, his expression was perfectly blank as he replied, “Good morning, Alec.”

Their eyes locked briefly but then the waitress — an older woman — approached, setting a cup of coffee and a plate of pancakes before Alec, and an omelet in front of Magnus. Alec glanced up, frowning.

“I ordered for you,” Magnus said, simply, picking up his fork. “I’m sure you’re dieting but a little splurging never hurts,” he added.

Alec stayed quiet, staring down at the pancakes that had both blueberries and chocolate chips, just the way he liked. Eventually, after clearing his throat for the second time, he forced himself to talk, “Thank you.” Well, at least he hadn’t stuttered.

Magnus merely nodded, bouncing his fork off the side of his plate but not eating.

Alec gave up pretending not to watch him. It wasn’t fair how beautiful Magnus Bane was. It also wasn’t fair that just _looking_ at him…could completely wreck Alec.

Magnus was chewing on his bottom lip, staring at his plate with his brow furrowed in thought. His fork bounced off the edge of the plate again and again. Alec pulled his gaze away only when Magnus finally looked up, quickly grabbing his coffee to have something to do.

Like he only just realized what he was doing, Magnus finally set down his fork.

Alec felt like he was going to be sick, the same feeling he used to get before auditions. He glanced back at Magnus and couldn’t help but see the look of shock that had been on his face when Alec — when they fought. Even if Alec meant those things…that was in the past, and Magnus had tried to be there for him that night, at the premiere, he shouldn’t have said those things.

And okay, maybe it’d been weighing on his mind since that night but he didn’t know how to take it back, fix it. If he even should.

“Look,” Alec finally blurted out, voice louder than intended. Magnus barely reacted, merely raising an eyebrow. “I’m — About the…the other night—”

Magnus started shaking his head, making Alec trail off with a frown.

“ _Don’t_ apologize,” Magnus all but snapped, falling silent a second later like he hadn’t meant to sound so brutal. Magnus sighed, shaking his head and unconsciously picking the fork back up.

“We— Look,” Magnus said, starting over. Alec trained his eyes on the fork that was bouncing against the plate again, looking away from Magnus’ face that was emotionless. “Neither of us is happy with this arrangement, I’m sure we can agree,” Magnus paused and Alec nodded, waiting. There was a pit in his stomach for reasons he didn’t know. “Neither of us would’ve chosen for this to happen but it is and we’re going to have to deal with it, okay?”

Alec couldn’t say why, but something about Magnus’ soft, sure voice, was comforting, stopping his spinning thoughts, making it easier to breathe. Altogether, Alec didn’t know what to feel. Just seeing Magnus had so many old feelings rushing over him — reminding him of the pain and anger but also the good things that he tried so hard to forget. Adding this fake relationship to it and everything else…

“I suggest that we forget the past,” Magnus finally said, glancing up from his plate and looking at Alec, who froze at the words, heart hammering in his chest.

“What do you mean?” Alec asked, forcing his voice to be calm and even, as uncaring as Magnus.

Magnus fiddled with his fork before putting it down again. He shifted slightly in the booth before taking a deep breath and swallowing, Alec’s eyes carefully tracking the movement even though he told himself to look away.

Finally, Magnus sighed, sitting up straight and meeting Alec’s gaze. “I mean,” he said, “That we forget the past, erase it. Start over, if you will.”

There was a rushing sound in Alec’s ears, making it harder to hear. He searched Magnus’ face, looking for any clue of what he was feeling but finding none, so he carefully kept his own expression blank.

“Oh?” he asked, shooting for casual and ending up closer to trying too hard.

Magnus finally glanced away for a second, eyes moving quickly away from Alec’s and then back. “Yeah. We need to be…at least civil with each other. We can’t have…” Magnus seemed to be struggling for words and while Alec was forcing himself to be numb, not feel anything, he found that reassuring, proof that Magnus felt _something_.

“We can’t have all of that getting in the way of things,” Magnus finally said.

“So we pretend none of it ever happened?” Alec asked, their gaze still locked.

Magnus nodded slowly. “Yeah.”

***

Magnus was just trying to protect himself. He knew that this…thing would only work if they weren’t constantly throwing the past back in each other’s faces. If they just forced themselves not to think about it, to forget it, then it would be fine and maybe Magnus could stop his heart from being broken by Alexander Lightwood a second time.

It was for the best, he knew.

He almost forgot that when he saw Alec. Torn between wanting to run away and wanting to yell at him. There were still so many things Magnus wanted to tell him. And the worst part was, it wasn’t all in the form of screaming and demanding answers about just what happened between them. So much of it was just wanting to sit for hours and talk, like they used to. They’d both missed so much of each other’s lives and whenever Magnus saw Alec, he was reminded of that. Hell, he was reminded of that anytime Isabelle was around.

But Magnus wasn’t going to let himself be ruled by his emotions, that was why he was doing this.

“Yeah,” Magnus said, careful not to break eye contact or give anything away. “It will be easier if we can stand to be around each other. It was a long time ago, shouldn’t be that hard to forget.” Magnus was used to lying to himself but lying to Alec as Alec stared at him, watching closely like he was waiting for Magnus to slip and reveal something about how he was feeling, was a lot harder.

“Right,” Alec finally said. “It’s just for a little while anyway.” Alec nodded over and over, finally glancing away and turning to his breakfast. “So it’s settled then? The past never happened?” he looked up from under his long lashes and Magnus’ heart skipped around painfully in his chest.

Nodding, Magnus picked up his fork again, staring at his omelet with his stomach churning. “Yeah,” he said in a voice that was far too soft. “It never happened.”

***

Alec stood outside the restaurant in the airport, watching Magnus walk away. His head was spinning, his heart was doing strange things in his chest, and he was pretty sure that he should just never bother trying to figure out what he was feeling ever again. It was basically just a ball of confusion mixed with hurt and anger and…longing? No, that couldn’t be right.

Alec knew he should look away, leave now. He had a lot to do. He just needed to put all of this out of his mind. Magnus leaving, going back to LA, was good. Alec wouldn’t have to worry about dealing with all of that for at least a little while now. It was good. There was no reason for it to bring back all the same emotions he used to have when Magnus would leave… No reason at all.

Alec watched until Magnus turned the corner, waiting to see if he ever looked back, so deep in his denial, he wouldn’t let himself think about why he was doing that. Magnus never looked back though.

Alec quickly turned around, leaving the airport and thoughts of everything that had just happened there behind.

***

Magnus breathed deeply, in and out. Overly aware of his legs and the act of walking. He was trying too hard to be casual but no amount of pretending he couldn’t feel the gaze on his back, would convince him.

He closed his eyes tightly, forcing himself not to rush off. Forcing himself not to look back. There was no reason to look back. Boyfriends looked back. Maybe friends looked back. Whatever he and Alec were now… He couldn’t look back. There was no reason too, he told himself. No reason at all.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be Thursday at the latest!
> 
> Have I mentioned recently just how much I love and appreciate all of you? Because I do, without or without kudos and comments! <3<3<3
> 
> Yell at me on [Tumblr @imawriteriwrite](http://imawriteriwrite.tumblr.com/)!


	7. Bad Romance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are looking up but for how long...?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout out to my amazing betas! And also all the amazing people who comment and read every week and everyone on Tumblr. Sorry I haven't been good at replying, life is hectic, but I love and appreciate you all! <3<3<3
> 
> Title from: Bad Romance by Lady Gaga because I'm too lazy to find a better chapter title.

Alec didn’t know why he was watching the interview, honestly, he needed to stop constantly thinking about and obsessing over Magnus and their whole fake relationship. During the day, he was good at it. He was so busy preparing for shooting and working out every day with Jace, not to mention Izzy’s constant distraction methods, it was easy to force all wayward thoughts from his mind. The problem, came at night or in the morning, when he was wide awake, lying in bed. Obsessing as he often did.

It’d been two weeks since Magnus went back to LA, just over three weeks since the fake relationship disaster had started. So really, he should be done over-analyzing it by now. That wasn’t how Alec’s brain worked though. So here he was, up at three AM, watching Magnus’ interview.

It wasn’t a very long interview, most of the questions were about Magnus’ next album that he’d been very hush hush about, deflecting questions in a way that, coupled with lots of breathtaking smiles and laughs, made it to where you didn’t even notice he wasn’t saying much of anything at all.

Alec had forgotten how many faces Magnus could put on, how good he was at becoming someone else when he needed to. Like this version of Magnus; that could laugh and joke about anything, that was so charming and charismatic, that acted like he’d never been hurt and life was full of rainbows and glitter and magic.

Alec missed most of the questions — watching Magnus closely, noting the brief moment of panic that flashed through Magnus’ eyes when the interviewer first mentioned new music. It was barely noticeable, Alec almost missed it, but it made his chest tight and worry fill his gut even though he knew there was no reason for it.

“So,” the interviewer asked, a sly look crossing her face suddenly.

Alec’s heart stopped for a second, he knew what was coming, had even talked to Magnus about it — well, they texted anyway — but it didn’t stop the panic from momentarily making it difficult to breathe.

“I’m sure you’re aware of the rumors that have been circulating about your relationship status.”

Magnus remained leaning back casually in his chair, a sly smile slowly curving up his mouth as he waited for the interviewer to get to get the real question.

“Specifically, about you and a certain dark-haired actor.”

Hodge had told Alec about the interview a few days before. Magnus was already scheduled to do it, but, considering they hadn’t been seen together or written about in over two weeks, Hodge thought it would be the perfect time to actually confirm things. Alec had been proud of himself at the time, he hadn’t panicked or even thought much about it since he heard. Now he was realizing that his denial had simply gone a lot deeper than he had realized.

“Oh, really?” Magnus was saying, drumming his fingers on his leg casually. Alec knew that, despite how Magnus looked, everything was done with precision, a careful act Magnus was putting on.

The interviewer laughed. “Come on, Magnus, all your fans are dying to know,” she said, leaning forward conspiratorially. “Are you dating Alec Lightwood?”

Alec stopped breathing, unconsciously leaning closer to the laptop screen.

Magnus’ coy smile grew into a full on grin, causing the interviewer to laugh. In this kind of thing, the smile alone was enough to all but confirm things. “I mean…” Magnus started, turning from the interviewer to face the camera. “I’m not, _not_ dating Alec.”

All the breath rushed out of Alec as Magnus’ eyes seemed to shine, the grin turning back into a coy smirk as the interviewer practically squealed.

“I mean, I don’t want to say much,” Magnus continued as Alec’s heart thumped painfully in his chest. “But I am flying back to New York next week…” Magnus trailed off with a wink.

Alec closed his eyes tightly, breathing in deeply.

“Okay, well then,” the interviewer laughed. “I mean, there’s always been speculation about you two. A…how should I say, complicated past?”

Without opening his eyes, Alec slammed the laptop shut, cutting off whatever Magnus’ reply to that was. Alec flopped onto his back, staring blankly up at his ceiling and pushing everything that was currently making his chest tight and his pulse race, far away.

***

Magnus sighed, leaning back against the door when he got back to his penthouse apartment. The interview had been stressful, to say the least. He immediately jumped into the shower, pausing only to take off the thick makeup they’d put on him. He was still high strung from the interview and those damn leading questions and—

Magnus shut his thoughts off, blasting Katy Perry as he went about his normal daily routine. Showering, drying his hair, picking out comfortable yet fashionable clothes. Between doing his hair and his makeup, he finally started to feel normal. Shaking off the lingering unease he’d felt during the whole interview. Not only because he was forced to talk about Alec but because of the many questions about his career. Sure, some were easy. He’d just gotten off tour, there were questions about that. But the majority, asking what he had in store for fans, talking about the two years since his last album and could they expect new music soon? Was he writing? Magnus had one hundred percent bullshitted his way through those questions. The truth was, he had no idea when new music would come or what he had in store because…he had nothing.

Thinking about it while he did his eye makeup brought back all the unease, completely ruining the calm he was trying to achieve.

Sighing, Magnus finished his makeup and left the bathroom. Magnus’ LA apartment had two floors, the bottom one was made up of Raphael’s room, guest rooms for Clary, Simon, and Isabelle when they were in LA, the kitchen, music room, lounge, and small gym. The second floor was Magnus’. Everything in it had been carefully picked out. When he bought the place he’d had walls knocked down to make it how he wanted which was all one big, open room, windows on every wall. His king sized bed in the middle, a white leather couch to one side. Wooden floor perfect for dancing and a very expensive sound system, not to mention his giant bathroom and closet the size of a bedroom.

In the far corner, he kept his first acoustic guitar and a keyboard even though he did most his writing (when he was actually writing) down in the music room. The walls were mostly windows, there were even skylights, the rest was a dark paneled wood. Most of the room was empty, the way Magnus preferred it.

It wasn’t until he was stretched out on the couch, feeling bad for himself and telling himself he needed to be productive, that Magnus finally grabbed his phone and checked messages.

There it was, sent just over an hour before. Nothing but a simple “nice interview”.

Sighing, Magnus put his phone away without replying to Alec, resting his hands on his stomach and closing his eyes. With his eyes closed, it was all too easy to remember the interview and those damned questions.

“There’s been a lot of speculation about your past with Alec, care to comment?”

No, Magnus didn’t care to comment. But he couldn’t say that, of course. If Magnus didn’t have a lot of practice hiding how he felt, it would’ve been all too obvious that he was panicked beyond reason when those questions started. All too obvious that he still felt… _things_ about all of that. Things he shouldn’t’ve. Instead of saying anything remotely truthful, Magnus had merely shrugged, remaining coy and teasing.

“I mean,” Magnus had said, mind spinning to find the right words as he appeared perfectly confident from the outside. “A lot can change in two years. You know, a lot of things just come down to timing.”

The interviewer had smirked at that, nodding her head before launching into more questions. She’d hinted on and off, trying to get Magnus to reveal what happened back then. Trying to get him to say anything, confirm they’d been together, they’d broken up. And Magnus had just sat there, blowing off question after question with bullshit answers.

“There was an interview that caused a lot of speculation back then, wasn’t there?” She’d eventually said and, while Magnus had genuinely liked her to begin with, by then he was seriously getting irritated. He’d meant only to slyly confirm their relationship not to sit through a whole interview dredging up the past. “And your last album, there was speculation—”

Magnus had had enough at that point, cutting in. “You know, there’s some history here, it’s true,” he’d said, keeping his friendly voice while wanting nothing more than to coldly shut her down. “But there’s no sense continuing to dredge up the past. It was a long time ago.”

After that, Magnus had zoned out, mentally already over the interview. The whole ride home, he’d felt anger curling in his gut and he focused on that again now, sending away everything else.

Okay, so the past two weeks, falling back into a rhythm in LA, had forced him to admit he was deep in denial. But Magnus…he couldn’t go down that hole. He had to stay in denial, not think about Alec and the past if he wanted to get through this. Even if it wasn’t very healthy, emotionally speaking.

***

A few more days passed and instead of things getting easier, the longer this all dragged on with nothing happening, the more confused Alec got. He’d determined the night before that he just needed to let it go, not think about it, not worry about it. What would happen would happen. It wasn’t real. It was just acting, he could act. And then…things would go back too normal, eventually.

He woke up that morning to his phone buzzing on the table by his bed. Recognizing the song Izzy had set as his ringtone for when she called, Alec reached out, head still buried in his pillow, answering with a mumbled, “What?”

“Check Instagram,” Izzy said simply before hanging up.

Sitting up wearily and blinking the lingering sleep from his eyes, Alec typed in his passcode — something he had to change on a daily basis because of his snooping siblings — quickly opening Instagram.

He only had a brief moment to wonder what Isabelle was talking about because it was right there, in glaring colors, staring up at him.

“Oh,” Alec mumbled, staring at the picture.

He wasn’t immature, even two years ago, so he hadn’t unfollowed Magnus on anything. In fact, he might admit, under duress, that once or twice he’d been known to stalk Magnus’ Instagram. He posted a lot of pictures, plus a lot of them had Isabelle, a perfectly reasonable reason for Alec to look through them.

Alec’s eyes narrowed as he clicked on the picture Magnus had posted, tagging him and using the simple caption of “Throwback Thursday”.

Alec, of course, remembered the exact moment that picture had been taken and the amount of emotions it inflicted in him at that moment, made it hard to breathe.

It was taken on Magnus’ tour bus, a few months after they got together, not all that long after they finally told Izzy and everyone. Alec had surprised Magnus by showing up in Texas to see him while he was on tour. Alec hated just how well he could remember the look on Magnus’ face when he came into his dressing room that night to surprise him. The grin that lit up his face. The way they’d crashed together like they hadn’t seen each other in forever when it’d barely been a few weeks.

Alec shook his head, dispersing the memory.

In the picture Isabelle had taken that night after the concert, Alec was sitting on the couch in the tour bus, Magnus stretched out with his head in Alec’s lap. Alec stared down at Magnus smiling, mid-eye roll. Magnus stared back at him, one hand resting on Alec’s chest, a wide grin on his face.

Alec couldn’t remember what Magnus had said before it was taken, but they hadn’t known Izzy was taking the picture until she sent it to Jace and Jace replied by texting Alec about how gross he was when he was in love…

Shaking his head, Alec quickly “liked” the picture before closing the app. He tossed his phone away, crawling out of bed and heading towards the shower. He forced the picture out of his mind. The last thing he needed to do was get caught up remembering when things had been good. Because they had. For a long time, they’d been so good.

***

The throwback Thursday picture, admittedly, was a weak moment. Not that there was anything wrong with posting it, they were supposed to be in a relationship here, what better way to make it official than to share a throwback picture? Except where Magnus hadn’t done it with the whole deception in mind. He’d done it to be petty because it was not getting any easier to pretend he had no feelings, to pretend it didn’t kill him to be around Alec, to know he’d have to pretend to date Alec when all he wanted… When all he wanted was —

He didn’t even know what he wanted anymore. He’d settle for writing a decent song and for life to go back to normal which it pretty much was except for his thoughts that kept betraying him by turning back to Alec…

Magnus tried every trick he knew. First, he gave himself a break — which he didn’t really need considering the last year had been a break where most of the time he didn’t even bother to pretend he might write something — still. He gave himself a week of relaxing, binge watching shows on Netflix, eating delicious, if wildly unhealthy, food, and barely leaving the house. He didn’t think about songwriting, he pretended he didn’t think of Alec.

That was the first week he was back in LA. When that didn’t lead to inspiration the next time he sat down to write, he tried just messing around, having fun. Bouncing between instruments, he played with different styles and rhythms. He lost himself to dancing while listening to some of his favorite songs. He just tried to relax and find something he loved again.

Then, he tried jotting down random song ideas, a method that had worked fairly well in the past. He showered more than necessary hoping to find inspiration. Went running — something he despised. He tried forcing himself to write something. He even called Tessa and begged her to join him in a writing session. The problem was, when his muse wasn’t cooperating, when the words and the music wouldn’t come…there was no forcing it.

And it was driving him literally insane.

Not only was it horrible on a creative level and killed his soul. He was an artist. He needed to write and sing and dance. And not being able to actually create something new was killing him. But also, this was his job. He had responsibilities, obligations that he couldn’t meet if he didn’t write something.

In a last ditch effort, Magnus even pulled out a few of his old songwriting journals, going through songs he’d written in the past that never made it to the studio and onto albums. But even there, songs he used to love, seemed like utter garbage.

Magnus gave up at the end of his week of trying everything. It was the middle of the night, he was flying back to New York in two days to talk to some of the people at his record company and he was utterly screwed.

Magnus slept fitfully that night and barely left his bed the next day. Only leaving his room when begging Raphael to bring him food lead to nothing but ridicule. Magnus comforted himself by ordering in and only leaving bed long enough to answer the door.

Eventually, after staring moodily at his laptop for a few hours, Magnus fell asleep.

He had no idea what time it was when he woke up. It was one of those moments where he instantly went from sleeping to wide awake. In all honesty, he nearly tripped climbing out of bed.

He was only vaguely aware of what was happening as he untangled himself from the sheets, barely stopping the laptop from crashing down on the hardwood floor and honestly, he had no idea where the inspiration came from. But if there was one thing Magnus knew, even having barely written in a year, it was that this feeling, this pent in excitement that seemed to come from nowhere and made his fingers tingle; was inspiration, was the urge to write. And if he didn’t do it soon, whatever it was brewing in his sleep riddled mind would disappear and he may never find it again.

Finally free of his sheets, Magnus tripped over something small and warm, cursing. The Chairman jumped, hissing in indignation.

“Sorry!” Magnus said, trying to whisper but ending up nearly shouting and further scaring the cat, who quickly disappeared in a blur of fur.

Magnus had fallen asleep with the lights on upstairs so it was easy enough to hurry across the room and downstairs. He didn’t bother turning the hall light on as he slipped into the music room, leaving the door wide open.

The music room was painted a dark shade of purple, with thick, comfortable carpeting. Magnus’ favorite possession — not counting the Chairman and Raphael — sat in the middle of the room; his dark finished grand piano where he sat to write most of his biggest hits.

Sitting quickly, Magnus reached for the nearest notebook and pen out of stacks he kept all over the house. Flipping to a blank page, his hands shook, his heart raced and he found himself grinning without knowing when he’d started.

Taking a deep, calming breath, Magnus shut everything out, barely even aware himself of the words as they flew out of him, onto the paper.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're going to have some ups and downs here for a bit everyone, put on your seatbelts and settle in. I hope you like it. XD
> 
> Next chapter next week! Yell at me on [Tumblr @imawriteriwrite](http://imawriteriwrite.tumblr.com/)  
> <3<3<3


	8. The Edge of Glory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus goes back to New York for a few days and meets up with Alec.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First things first, shout out to my amazing, amazing betas, this chapter would seriously suck without them!
> 
> Second, I am SO SORRY this chapter is late, I had some issues, I rewrote it like a billion times. My betas are fantastic but they have lives too and were busy, and I was late getting this to them, and basically it just all combined to making it impossible to post last week. I'm only sorry because I told you it would be up and it wasn't. <3
> 
> Lastly, shout out to the awesome [@just--here--to--read](http://just--here--to--read.tumblr.com/), a conversation with her inspired the whole first part of this chapter! <3
> 
> Chapter Title from The Edge of Glory by Lady Gaga because I'm too lazy to pick a title!

“Dios, what are you even doing?”

Magnus looked up from where he sat on the floor in the midst of discarded papers, cradling one of his many acoustic guitars in his lap. He flinched, closing his eyes at the light Raphael let in from the hallway. Raphael looked down at Magnus like he was the craziest thing Raphael had ever seen. Which…okay that could be true.

“You are insane,” Raphael sneered, shaking his head and stepping more fully into the room.

Magnus flinched, his head pounded with every word Raphael said like he was hungover. Which he may as well have been. Sure, he actually hadn’t had anything to drink in at least 24 hours — no, forty-eight? It was hard to remember days at the moment. So he wasn’t drunk but he was coming down from a creative high, which could have the same symptoms.

Magnus blinked bright dots from his eyes, glancing away from Raphael, back to the notebook resting on the floor next to him. He’d been down there for hours, sitting in the dimly lit room, writing. Just one song, over and over and over again. But finally, he was writing. And it was good. He knew it was.

Some songs, when he wrote them, Magnus just had this feeling right away, it could even come before he wrote the first note, and suddenly he just _knew_. This was it. His next single. His next big thing. This was good. This was amazing. This was…everything.

Magnus grinned to himself, reading over the chorus again. He hadn’t tweaked it in over an hour which either meant it was finally perfect, or utter garbage he’d fix later. Either way, he’d written.

Nothing felt as good as the moment you finished working on something you knew would be amazing. Well, there were a few things that came close to that feeling but Magnus hadn’t felt those in a while either.

“What has you so disgustingly happy?” Magnus looked up at Raphael’s sharp voice. The short man was watching him carefully like he was worried Magnus would snap and attack or something. “It is very…disturbing. “

Magnus tilted his head back, laughing as he set the guitar aside. “Raphael, my grumpy friend,” Magnus said, climbing to his feet in one smooth motion, disturbing the papers that laid around him. “It’s going to be a great day.”

Magnus could feel Raphael rolling his eyes at Magnus’ back as he knelt down to grab his notebook, cradling it to his chest like it was his most prized possession after sticking some sheet music he’d been working on in it.

“I take it the creative block has ended?” Raphael asked, raising an eyebrow when Magnus twirled around to face him again.

Magnus grinned. “That is has my friend, the creative juices are flowing once again.”

Raphael winced. “I wish you’d chose your words more carefully.”

Magnus shrugged. “It’s how the creatively intelligent speak.”

“I choreograph all your dances,” Raphael said, face and voice emotionless.

“Yes, well you may be a creative genius, darling, but you don’t have the struggles of those who have souls,” Magnus replied. He felt…it was hard to explain. Free? So much better than he’d felt for months. Not being able to write, to create, to do the thing that not only he was paid to do but that he was passionate about, had been weighing on his mind more than he’d ever realized. Now, though, well at the danger of sounding cliché; birds were singing and it was all happy rainbows inside for Magnus.

“What changed?” Raphael asked.

Magnus paused where he was arranging the sheet music on the piano, back going stiff, heart hammering in his chest. “What do you mean?” he asked, quickly moving to cover up his hesitation.

Raphael hummed, coming around the piano to where he could stare directly at Magnus. “I mean that you have not written anything in months. Haven’t written anything good in even longer—”

“Jeez, Thanks.”

“—and I have not seen you like…this, in a long time,” Raphael continued, gesturing at all of Magnus.

“You mean sleep deprived with bed head? I think you see me like this every morning but maybe you don’t recognize me through your zombie-like haze?” Magnus suggested.

Raphael gave him nothing but a flat look in return.

“I’m serious Santiago, I think you have a problem. You’re like a vampire but instead of needing blood to live, you need caffeine. I’m concerned.”

Raphael barely batted an eye.

Magnus’ deflecting methods were clearly not working so he gave up, choosing instead to ignore the ornery dancer in favor of looking over his sheet music again. Magnus let his fingers dance across the piano, playing the first few notes but he couldn’t take Raphael’s staring.

“What?” he finally snapped, glaring up at Raphael.

Raphael made a show of looking around the room, at the mess of paper, at Magnus who was in the same pajamas he’d been wearing for days, hair a mess that he would normally never allow to happen. “Nothing. It is just that…” Raphael said, tilting his head to the side and considering Magnus. “I have not seen you write this much in a long time…”

Magnus scoffed, rolling his eyes and sliding onto the piano bench.

“What are you talking about?” Magnus said, pretending he didn’t know exactly what Raphael was saying.

Raphael gave him the _look_ , the one Raphael reserved for when Magnus was doing something he found particularly annoying, his “calling Magnus on his bullshit” look, if you will.

“Found a new muse, did you, Bane?” Raphael finally asked.

Magnus ignored the tightening in his chest, and shifted uncomfortably under Raphael’s knowing gaze. Mostly, because Raphael was right. Magnus had always had “muses”; always found the most inspiration from other people. It didn’t have to _mean_ anything though. Magnus had been inspired to write a song about many different things, about stories he read, people he’d never actually met. Sure…his biggest inspirations were people who were important to him. Past loves and all but…but that meant nothing.

Letting his fingers slid over the cool piano keys without pressing down, Magnus bit his lip, thinking.

When he looked up again, he had to try hard to hide a smirk. “You caught me, Santiago,” Magnus said, rising from the piano in a smooth motion. “I didn’t want to say anything because you see, it’s kind of embarrassing,” Magnus said, putting on the full dramatics and pacing around the room.

He glanced at Raphael over his shoulder, he’d crossed his arms, watching Magnus apprehensively like he knew what was coming.

“I have finally found the person who inspires me,” Magnus continued, sighing. “The person whose face makes my heart race. Whose voice, causes melodies to bloom in my mind. The person,” Magnus said, rounding the piano and approaching Raphael, “Who is my muse and inspires everything I will create from this day forward.”

Magnus grabbed Raphael’s arm, staring deeply into the other man’s eyes. Raphael’s expression was blank as he blinked down at Magnus. “You aren’t funny.”

Magnus gasped, grabbing at his heart. “You wound me, I’m not joking!” Magnus exclaimed, eyes widening. “I looked at you yesterday and just…the words started flowing, I don’t know why I didn’t see it before. I think maybe it’s been you the whole time, Raph. You,” he said, staring deep into Raphael’s eyes. “Are my muse.”

Raphael switched to his “what the hell, Bane” look which was remarkably similar to his “calling Magnus on his bullshit look” but Magnus just kept going. “I’m serious, Raphael, you can deny it as much as you want but you are my muse. I understand if you’re flattered, I mean, I’ve never been so inspired before. Just you being here, in the room, is…it’s almost too much.”

Raphael shifted uncomfortably, showing his slight embarrassment as he glanced away.

Magnus grinned, about to claim his victory when Raphael turned back to him, gaze narrowed. “That Lightwood boy is your muse,” he all but snapped.

“What?” Magnus asked sharply, so surprised he forget to keep the joke running.

Raphael continued with his wtf Bane look as Magnus let go of his arm. “Dios, you are so dense sometimes.”

Magnus stepped back, straightening his wrinkled pajamas. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he insisted.

Raphael shrugged. “Of course not, it is not like you started writing again for the first time in over a year after spending more time with him. After being forced to be in his life again. To see him. Think about him. Remember what he was to you.”

“You’ve never been so wrong, Raphael,” Magnus insisted.

Raphael shook his head grimly, “You are in denial, but I know you better than you know yourself. Ragnor agrees. We all knew it was only a matter of time.”

A matter of time until what, Magnus wanted to ask but refused to give in to Raphael.

Heart racing painfully, Magnus rolled his eyes, turning back to the piano. “I need to shower and pack,” he said, glancing at the clock on the wall to see he only had a few hours before he needed to be at the airport.

“Are you going to see him?” Raphael asked, still keeping that patented uncaring tone. “Your muse?”

Magnus sighed, “It’s one song, darling, don’t think about it too much,” he said.

But it wasn’t just one song, Magnus could feel others, just waiting to come out. Making the tips of his fingers tingle as he walked back upstairs to his bedroom to get ready. Could feel them lurking in the back of his mind. And not even Raphael could ruin the good mood he was suddenly in.

He’d written a song… _finally_.

For the first time in a while, he sang in the shower, not his own song of course, Kelly Clarkson, but still, it said a lot about his own mental health he knew. And if, between verses, Magnus found himself grumbling to himself about just how wrong Raphael was, well, that meant nothing at all.

***

When Alec got in from his morning run, Jace and Izzy had already left for the day. Pausing the audio book he was listening to, Alec took his headphones out, heading straight for his bedroom and a hot shower. He’d ran a little more than usual, had been for the past week or two. Jace kept warning him not to push himself too hard, but Alec knew his limits. He was fine.

Alec stopped in the middle of his room when his phone buzzed in his pocket. He dug it out, expecting to find a text from Izzy asking him to come out and do something or other. His heart froze in his chest when his eyes fell on Magnus’ name.

Heart racing in his ears suddenly, Alec quickly opened the message, telling himself to chill out. He was beginning to drive himself insane with all this Magnus stuff. He needed to just stop having any feelings regarding anything and just go on with real life.

**Glittery Bane of my Existence:** Guess who’s back in NY?

**Glittery Bane of my Existence:** Hint: it’s the High Warlock of Brooklyn.

Alec didn’t mean to laugh as the second message came in but he couldn’t help it, flashing back to the night Magnus had gotten very, very drunk and declared himself king of Brooklyn. Alec still didn’t know how that morphed into “High Warlock of Brooklyn” but was fairly sure Simon had something to do with it as he and Magnus had been whispering in the corner for a while before Magnus declared his title, naming “Sherman” as his court jester or something like that.

**Glittery Bane of my Existence:** So yeah…it’s me.

**Glittery Bane of my Existence:** I was thinking. We should probably get together or something…

**Glittery Bane of my Existence:** talk.

The next texts came in one after another, throwing Alec back into the present with the unsure tone in them that was so unlike Magnus.

**Glittery Bane of my Existence:** Coffee?

Alec bit his lip, sitting down on the edge of his bed and thinking.

His fingers hovered over the keyboard, ready to reply but no words came and then his phone buzzed again.

**Glittery Bane of my Existence:** I’ll wear my disguise. Be “average Jo” not amazingly fantastic Magnus Bane.

Alec laughed.

Shaking his head slightly, he quickly typed out a message before tossing the phone on his bed and heading into the bathroom.

**Alec:** Meet me in an hour? The usual place?

***

Magnus was grinning a little as he flounced into the small coffee shop, bells ringing over the door as it shut behind him. He was floating on top of the world for the first time in what had been way too long. It was amazing what one good writing session could do to him.

It didn’t hurt that he’d met with a few people from his label who loved the new song. Of course, as far as they knew, it wasn’t the only one but even that didn’t bother Magnus. He knew with an absolute certainty that it wouldn’t be the only song. Sure, he knew from experience that the others probably wouldn’t be so easy but he’d written a song. And it was _good_. That was really all that mattered.

Glancing around the small coffee shop, Java something or other, Magnus froze as his gaze fell on a certain dark haired man. Magnus had, admittedly, been surprised that Alec agreed to meet him. He’d had to force himself to text Alec and part of him had been hoping Alec would turn him down, to be honest. Still, this was good, he told himself even as it got hard to breathe and he started regretting everything already. What had he been thinking?

Magnus took a deep breath. He was Magnus Bane, he could face his ex, he could…be friendly. He would not be scared off by his own thoughts. This was good for them, he reminded himself, they were going to be forced together a lot over the next few months according to Cat, so…this was good.

Magnus adjusted his hat as a waitress dropped off two mugs at Alec’s table. He took another breath before approaching slowly. Alec was leaning forward, facing away from him in a tight black shirt and dark jeans, his long fingers wrapped around his coffee mug that Magnus knew would be filled with black coffee.

Taking a deep breath, Magnus reminded himself that the past didn’t exist, it didn’t matter anymore. Magnus slipped into the seat opposite Alec, startling him out of his thoughts if the way he flinched, looking up quickly, was any indication.

Magnus froze for a moment as Alec’s widened eyes filled with amusement and a small, surprised smile crossed his lips. Magnus’ breath hitched until Alec glanced away, shaking his head. The smile quickly fading.

Sliding the rest of the way onto his seat, Magnus swallowed past a lump in his throat and smirked. “What? I said I’d come in disguise,” he reasoned, sinking back into the good feeling he’d had since writing and ignoring everything else.

Alec was staring out the window. Magnus watched as he took a deep breath before turning back to face Magnus. “Yeah well, your disguises have always been horrible,” he said in a flat voice.

Ignoring his tone, Magnus gasped loudly, sending Alec a wounded look before turning to the mug in front of him. Magnus didn’t have to ask to know what was in the cup, knowing Alec would’ve gotten his order perfectly. He took a sip, basking in the giddy feeling that had arrived as soon as he stopped writing the day before. He’d barely slept in at least 48 hours so the coffee was a godsend.

The night before, after he’d landed in New York, he’d had dinner with Catarina and then stayed at Luke’s, which meant staying up with Clary most of the night, talking and basking in the amazingness of the fact that he’d written. Clary was one of the only people who knew just how long it’d been since Magnus had written something and she’d been reasonably happy for him.

Still, he was beginning to feel the lack of sleep now.

When Magnus glanced up again, Alec glanced away, looking uncomfortable. Magnus’ heart twisted, he couldn’t pretend everything was fine if Alec was going to look like that all the time, like…it was torture to be near Magnus.

“Is it the glasses?” Magnus asked quickly, reaching up to remove the large wire frames.

Alec looked over at him again, taking a drink of coffee. His eyes did that squinty thing that meant he was trying to figure out something. Magnus’ pulse raced but he forced himself to maintain eye contact, not look away.

“Or the hat?” he asked, forcing a smirk and pulling the knit cap down further before readjusting the hood of his jacket.

Alec studied him for another minute and Magnus was about to call it quits, admit this was a horrible idea and they should just continue to ignore each other until forced otherwise, when Alec shook his head, offering a small half smile.

Magnus froze, waiting.

“First of all,” Alec started, breaking eye contact and reaching out to pick up the glasses. “There are no lenses in these,” he said, twirling them around.

Magnus raised his eyebrows, hoping Alec couldn’t see how relieved he suddenly felt. “And secondly?”

Alec glanced away. “You’re the epitome of a hipster right now and if anyone looked closely, they’d clearly recognize you,” he said in an offhand manner.

Magnus gasped again, the act coming easier now, placing a hand over his heart. “I’ll have you know, I worked very hard on this disguise. I’m barely wearing any makeup! I’d never be seen in these clothes and hipster, please? You know I’m not!”

***

Alec had no idea what he was doing. What they were doing. What was going on. But he’d decided as soon as he got to the coffee shop to just go along with whatever Magnus did. To turn his thoughts off and just…go with the flow. Something that wasn’t exactly easy for him. But the past didn’t exist, so he’d just…shut off any feelings and thoughts and do whatever.

And okay, he’d had to force himself not to leave multiple times before Magnus showed up and this wasn’t exactly his idea of fun but…everything was confusing and he had no idea what he was doing anymore. But maybe there was still a part of him — however small it’d gotten — that — that what? Wanted to see Magnus?

It was weird and awkward but…neither of them ran and there was no screaming so it was probably a success, Alec thought, listening to Magnus who was idly talking about Chairman Meow. And no, Alec told himself firmly, he did not miss Magnus’ cat.

Time crawled on, Alec trying all too hard not to think. He didn’t know what to do with this, how to feel, how to react. They didn’t say much, mostly joking about Magnus’ disguise and other mundane topics. Whether intentional or not, they were clearly avoiding more important topics.

Somewhere between jokes, Alec realized that something must’ve changed. Something made Magnus happy again and he had to bite his tongue not to ask about it.

Playing with a napkin as they fell silent, Magnus hunkering down in his hoodie, hat pulled low, Alec finally voiced the question that had been in his mind since Magnus texted him earlier. “So, why’d you want to meet?”

Magnus stared down at his cup and shrugged.

Alec took a sip of his coffee, waiting.

Magnus glanced back, rolling his eyes when their gazes met, “I just thought, you know, we should probably get to where we can be in the same room together, without…all of that,” he waved his hand in a vague gesture, rolling his eyes again.

Alec swallowed dryly, nodding. “Right,” he said before stopping to clear his throat, “Probably a good idea.”

Alec regretted the question immediately as it became abundantly clear once more that this wasn’t real, they hadn’t spoken much in two years because—

“Exactly,” Magnus said, sounding slightly unsure. “If the past doesn’t exist and we’re going to have to spend time together…we may as well try to be friends.”

Right, Alec thought or maybe he said it. Part of him knew this was probably another stupid idea but the rest of him was stuck on how…how good this felt. Just hanging out with Magnus, talking, even laughing. Because…because he’d—

Alec cut off his own thoughts quickly, reminding himself that it was all just…just a game. An act. Not real.

“So-” Magnus started before being cut off by the flash of a camera.

***

_Damn_ , Magnus thought as Alec quickly stood up, dropping money on the table to pay for their drinks.

“Come on,” Alec said, all business as no more than half a dozen paparazzi suddenly crowded the large front window of the coffee shop.

Magnus started after Alec who stopped suddenly. Magnus barely stopped himself from running it Alec as he turned around. Reaching out quickly, Alec adjusted Magnus’ hat by pulling it down lower.

Magnus groaned as he fully realized what was happening.

“Oh god, people are going to see me looking like this,” he moaned, only just holding himself back from stomping his foot like a child.

Alec rolled his eyes, quickly turning away again. “I think you’ll survive,” he said, scowling.

“I’m not so sure,” Magnus mumbled.

“That’s what you get for wearing it then,” Alec said over his shoulder.

Magnus pouted but said nothing.

They moved quickly, ducking into the back room where Magnus called for a car before slipping out the back entrance.

Slipping into the back of the car twenty minutes later, Magnus grinned over at Alec. “You know; I’m starting to think my disguises aren’t very good.”

Alec smirked at him, leaning his head back against the seat and closing his eyes halfway. “Really? I never would’ve guessed.”

Magnus wasn’t entirely sure what was happening but decided not to worry about it. Really, they were hanging out without their…everything, hanging between them. Without biting at each other’s throats and without Magnus feeling like he was going to die if he had to stare at Alec for one more moment remembering everything. So what was there to complain about?

Of course, the rational part of Magnus knew things couldn’t actually be this easy and he was ignoring the past which wasn’t really healthy and they’d have to face it one day… Or they could just fake break up and go back to never seeing each other again.

Eventually, the car pulled up outside Magnus’ apartment building. Neither of them said anything, but Alec followed him out of the car and upstairs.

Stepping inside the loft, Magnus had to force away wayward memories, heading straight for the kitchen which he deemed a safe zone. Safer than the living room where they’d argued anyway. Honestly, now that he was starting to come down from his creative high, he was questioning this plan. Being friends? Was that really what he had said…

Magnus looked over at Alec, who was shifting around on his feet awkwardly and something tugged loose in his chest. Life was so much easier when he could pretend Alec Lightwood didn’t exist, he realized suddenly.

Shaking his head, Magnus moved further into the kitchen. Alec sat at the small, dark kitchen table as Magnus went and pulled out a menu for their favorite Chinese restaurant, trying to pretend he couldn’t feel how awkward things had suddenly gotten.

The past doesn’t exist, Magnus reminded himself sternly, it never happened. You’re…friends, who haven’t seen each other in a while and are pretending to be in a relationship. It’s _fine._

“Ah, here we go,” Alec said suddenly, pulling Magnus from his thoughts.

Magnus glanced up to see him reading something on his phone. “What?” Magnus asked, discarding the menu to reach for Alec’s phone.

On it, Magnus recognized a Twitter account that was run by a group of his fans dedicated to “tracking” him. At the top was a tweet posted by @MagnusBabe1 announcing to the world that Magnus was sitting in the coffee shop they worked at.

Sitting down, Magnus shook his head, groaning. “Gotta love my fans,” he said, handing Alec back his phone.

“Remind me to never trade lives with you,” Alec remarked, typing on his phone real fast before slipping it into his pocket.

“Are you kidding?” Magnus asked, using his sleeve to wipe away an imaginary smudge on the glossy black table. The kitchen was big with lots of counter space, dark gradient countertops, wooden floors, walls painted a deep maroon. One side was open to the living room, and there was a giant window over the small table they sat at.

Alec glanced up, raising his eyebrows in question.

Magnus shrugged. “Your fan base was already pretty big,” he said, honestly surprised Alec seemed confused. “Once your show starts…your fans will be able to take on mine,” he smirked.

Alec shook his head, frowning. “No way,” he said. “I mean, sure, when I was cast I got a bunch of new followers but actual fans…rivaling yours?” Alec shook his head.

Magnus pushed to his feet again, turning to the teapot. “You never did understand just how amazing you are,” he said, nonchalantly, barely paying attention to his own words. “Plus, you have that ‘tall, dark, and handsome’ thing going on. I’d be worried, if I were you. Once the show starts, fans will be following you everywhere.”

Magnus froze, had he really just said that? Alec never had realized how amazing he was. Never…never let himself believe he deserved everything he got and more. But…Magnus shouldn’t say those things anymore. Shouldn’t mean them.

Everything was silent, the moment frozen, a lump forming in Magnus’ throat reminding him of all the reasons they couldn’t just have a casual conversation.

Magnus cleared his throat, turning back and rushing to change the subject. “Speaking of which, you haven’t told me anything about the show yet.”

***

Alec couldn’t breathe for a second there. What Magnus said, sounded nothing but sincere… He’d said that stuff all the time before, that Alec didn’t realize how good of an actor he was or how — or a million other things. But it was different now. Because they weren’t anything to each other now and he was still saying them. Saying it like he couldn’t believe that in the last two years Alec still hadn’t realized these things.

Alec blinked slowly and then shook his head, quickly leaping onto the subject change Magnus offered up. He had to force himself not to jump up with an excuse to leave because this…he didn’t know what this was but he didn’t think he could do it. Be friends, try even.

Watching as Magnus pulled two mugs down and made tea, Alec started slowly, the vaguest details of the show and his character – it was aimed at young adults, he’d be playing a sort of demon hunter, and on and on. The more words he forced out, the easier they came. Magnus hummed here and there, moving slowly around the kitchen.

“Are you excited?” Magnus asked when Alec trailed off, bringing the mugs to the table and handing one to Alec.

Alec sniffed at the tea but couldn’t tell what it was. He knew better than to question Magnus on his tea tastes though so just set it down to cool off as Magnus folded himself into the chair opposite of him.

Alec thought about the question for a minute, heart racing. “Of course,” he finally said, then hesitated. “I mean…yes, obviously. It’s a great part, an amazing opportunity, and Jace and Lydia are going to be in it – I couldn’t have asked for a better opportunity,” he continued, voicing thoughts as they came into his mind.

“And, I mean, I really love the story, I don’t even have the full script yet for the season but I love it and my character…” Alec shook his head, sipping his tea slowly. “I’m really excited to see what I can do with it, you know?” Alec finished, running his finger around the edge of his cup, lost in thought.

“But?” Magnus prompted.

“But,” Alec said, glancing up slowly. “I’m…nervous too, I guess? I don’t — It still doesn’t quite feel real and…it’s a big deal. Not only a leading role but I’m playing a gay man and... I’m not sure how to feel about it all, I guess. It’s just…different from acting in a movie, it could be _amazing_ for my career but it’s not one movie and then done. It’s a whole show, that could go on for multiple seasons.”

Magnus nodded slowly, staring down at his own tea. “You know,” he said softly. “When I got a record deal, even after recording, even after the album came out, it didn’t strike me that wow, this is my real life, until my first tour stop.”

Alec looked up, catching the look of nostalgia on Magnus’ face. He frowned. “Really? But didn’t you have performances before that, on talk shows and stuff?” he asked.

Magnus nodded. “Yeah, all kinds of things,” he shrugged. “But it didn’t feel really real until I was standing on a stage, just me and the crowd. Not the opener, but the main act.”

“And then what?” Alec asked.

“And then…it was amazing.”

Alec watched Magnus for a moment as he smiled down at his cup of tea, lost in his own thoughts.

And this…how had Alec not realized how much he’d missed this? Missed Magnus. The thought came from nowhere and everywhere and threatened to drown him.

Alec cleared his throat, pretending he hadn’t even noticed the feeling, and asked, “How’s the music business?”

***

Magnus groaned, hiding his face in his hands.

“That bad?” Alec asked.

Laying his head down on the table, Magnus merely groaned again.

Alec chuckled, the sound surprising Magnus. “You’re such a drama queen.”

Magnus looked up, glaring and was struck by the open look on Alec’s face as he smirked at Magnus. For a moment Magnus was overwhelmed with a sense of longing, of — of missing. He’d missed this, missed sitting with Alec for hours, talking endlessly. Missed being near him because nothing…even with all of that over, all that between them, nothing was like Magnus felt when near Alec.

Clearing his throat, Magnus took a sip of tea, searching for a new topic.

The door to the loft was thrown open all of a sudden, a voice echoed through the apartment; “Magnus Bane get your butt out here now!”

***

Alec looked up as Clary marched straight into the kitchen. She glanced around quickly, pausing when she saw Alec. Alec glanced away, uncomfortable at the strange look she gave him but she shook her head quickly, turning to Magnus. “What is with those god awful pictures?”

Magnus stood quickly as Clary offered her phone to him. Alec laughed when Magnus took it, letting out a groan.

“Why didn’t you tell me I looked like a hideous hipster,” Magnus demanded, turning to Alec with a glare.

Alec stood, holding his hands up in surrender.

Magnus sighed, turning to the phone again. “It could be worse, I guess,” he sighed, pouting slightly. “I could look like Sheldon,” he muttered. Alec choked on a laugh, knowing Magnus well enough to know he meant Simon, and also that he knew Simon’s real name but liked to torture him.

Alec stepped past them as Luke stepped into the kitchen. “Magnus,” he said in his deep voice, “I thought we agreed no more disguises.”

Magnus pouted again, “I’m a grown adult, I can wear any disguise I want!”

Clary shared a look with her stepdad, both of them rolling their eyes at Magnus who was still flipping through articles on Clary’s phone.

“Don’t worry too much,” Luke said, setting a hand on Magnus’ shoulder. “It’s not on any well-known sites. The Institute hasn’t even gotten ahold of it.”

Magnus huffed, handing Clary back her phone as three more voices drifted in through the open door. Alec set his mug in the sink, turning to find Simon, Isabelle, and Jace all looking at him funny.

“What?” he asked.

***

They ended up going out to eat, all of them working together to convince Luke to join them and then taking up most of the small restaurant.

Magnus didn’t fail to notice how Isabelle and Jace were both eying him and Alec, but his good mood couldn’t be tempered. Music flowed through his veins, melodies instead of blood, words echoing in his heartbeat.

Not much could ruin things when Magnus was in this kind of mood. As he and Alec avoided each other most the rest of the night, sitting as far from each other as possible, Magnus decided he wouldn’t think about any of that. Right now nothing existed outside of the little restaurant. He wouldn’t think about that day or how it had to be a fluke, how there wouldn’t — _couldn’t_ — be more like it because…because they couldn’t be friends, could they? With…everything in their past?

Magnus shook his head, losing himself in the loud conversation surrounding him.

Even if for only one night, nothing mattered except for the fact that he could breathe easily again. Except that he was…happy. He’d written a song. He was with his friends. And – and everything was good, if only for that moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so here's the thing, I like to be ahead by at least a few chapters so when I'm busy and don't have time for writing I can still post once a week, I live off organisation and structure. And...I've fallen behind. So sadly this means I've decided to take just a short hiatus in order to not get stressed and allow myself to get ahead again before posting chapter 9. I want to say chapter 9 should be up in about two weeks but I'm not completely sure so make sure to follow my [Tumblr](http://imawriteriwrite.tumblr.com/) where I'll give updates on how everything is going! I hate taking a hiatus but I think it's best so that I can then start posting once a week again. Lastly, follow my [Tumblr @imawriteriwrite](http://imawriteriwrite.tumblr.com/) because I'm always open to asks and at some point I'll share some hints and snippets to get through this brief posting hiatus! Feel free to send asks for hints or sneak peaks and I'll see what I can do. XD
> 
> I love you all, and I appreciate you so much, I'm sorry I haven't been able to reply to comments and everything but life is hectic, please know thought that nothing makes me feel happier than reading all your awesome comments though!  
> I've had questions about the length of the fic, I hate setting myself goals length wise but I'd say anywhere between 25 and 35 chapters! If you have any other questions about the fic, the hiatus, my writing, me, basically whatever, toss 'em at me, Tumblr is the best place to do that right now!
> 
> Tell what you think of this chapter in the comments, nothing makes me write faster than comments and you guys being amazing to me on Tumblr! And yeah, follow my [Tumblr @imawriteriwrite](http://imawriteriwrite.tumblr.com/) for sneak peaks at upcoming chapters!
> 
> <3<3<3


	9. Miss Missing You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are happening!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, look a new chapter! FINALLY!
> 
> shout out to my amazing betas who are amazing! <3
> 
> Title from Miss Missing You by Fall Out Boy

Alec smiled to himself, watching Isabelle try to get the zipper on her suitcase to close even though there was clearly way too much stuff in it. Magnus had left the day before, only staying for the weekend and now Isabelle was flying out to L.A., too.

Izzy looked up, blowing a strand of hair out of her face. She glared at Alec even as he quickly stopped smiling. “Make yourself useful, will you?” she snapped. “Sit on my suitcase!”

Alec rolled his eyes but pushed off from where he’d been leaning against the door frame. Isabelle’s bright pink suitcase was gaping open with clothes spilling out but Alec sat on it anyway.

“Have you ever thought of folding your clothes?” he asked casually as Isabelle returned to fighting with the zipper, cursing under her breath as it got caught on a silky black shirt.

Jace came into the room then, gesturing for Alec to move. “Jeez, Iz,” he started as Isabelle flopped down on the bed, giving up. Jace opened the suitcase and started carefully folding clothes. “You didn’t bring this much back from L.A.,” he said.

Isabelle sighed. “No, I didn’t. I’m tired of all the clothes I have in L.A. I miss these,” she said, reaching out a hand to stroke a pair of jeans.

Alec chuckled, sitting down next to her. “Why don’t you just buy more clothes then?”

Izzy rolled her eyes. “I do,” she said in a flat voice. “But that doesn’t replace my babies,” she explained, eying her clothes as Jace finished folding them and started setting them back in the suitcase.

Isabelle fell back on her bed, sighing a more dramatic sigh, and reaching out for Alec’s hand. “I didn’t realize how much I missed this place,” she said, staring around the room and then at her brothers.

Alec squeezed Izzy’s hand. Jace looked up, smirking. “You missed me most, right?” he teased, before growing serious. “You should spend more time here, Iz. You can dance here, too, you know?”

Isabelle nodded but Alec had to swallow past a lump in his throat. They all knew Izzy would spend most of the next year in L.A. again, not just because she had her job as Magnus’ backup dancer there, but because that was where she belonged. Her friends were there; Magnus was there and he’d done so much for Izzy since taking a chance on her. It wasn’t the easiest thing in the world to have a steady gig dancing, but Magnus was loyal and nearly always hired the same people, _always_ when it came to Iz, Raphael, and Clary. She used to split her time more, but then…well, lots of things changed. Magnus stopped spending so much time in New York, and so did Isabelle, and Clary and Simon subsequently.

Alec shook his head, squeezing Izzy’s hand again and ignoring the way his heart sank, thinking of how things used to be.

“At least you’re free of Lightwood family dinner every Saturday,” he said.

Isabelle rolled her eyes. “ _Seriously_.” She sat up, running her hand over her bedspread. “I will miss you guys though.”

“Don’t make me cry,” Jace said sternly, laser focused on folding Izzy’s suitcase. “You’ll ruin my makeup.”

Isabelle laughed, shaking her head. Alec threw an arm around her shoulders, pulling her close. “What Jace is trying to say,” he said, “is that we’ll miss you, too.”

Jace waved the words away, looking up finally. “It’s not like it’s for that long,” he said. “You’ll come visit set, right?”

Isabelle perked up, grinning. “Of course!”

Alec’s phone beeped then with an incoming message that he ignored as he moved to help Jace with the suitcase that still wouldn’t quite close.

Isabelle’s eyes narrowed, watching Alec closely as he pressed down with all his weight on the suitcase and Jace finally got it zipped.

“Victory!” Jace declared, pumping his fist in the air. “And now,” he said, scratching his stomach. “Breakfast.”

Alec rolled his eyes as Jace disappeared down the hall. Turning back to Isabelle he frowned, finding her watching him with narrowed eyes. Deciding to ignore whatever she clearly wanted him to ask about, he settled on asking about Clary and Simon. “Are they going back to L.A., too?”

Isabelle sighed, standing up. “Yup,” she said in a flat voice. “I’m meeting them at the airport.”

Alec frowned but she just grabbed her suitcase, moving out of the room. “Clary and I have an audition and where Clary goes, goes Simon,” she explained in an offhand manner. “Plus, Magnus wants to move ahead quickly with this new song. He’s been so behind on writing and the new album,” she explained, making Alec pause. He hadn’t known that.

Of course, you haven't, he told himself, you aren’t…anything. You’ve barely talked.

“Anyway, if things go how he wants he’ll be recording soon enough which means his first new single will be out which means performances and a music video. Raphael will need help with choreography. It’s best if we’re all there. Not to mention that someone has to keep him sane while he writes. And he said something about charity events or something, I don’t know.”

Alec was barely paying attention, mind stuck on other things. Magnus hadn’t started recording yet? And new song, meaning he only just wrote the new single? But…that didn’t make sense. Magnus was _always_ writing. It’d been almost two years since new music came out, his third album dropping a few months after they…broke up. By this point, Magnus should’ve been struggling to narrow down the songs, long since in the studio and full of pent up energy waiting for the album to drop.

“Earth to Alec,” Isabelle said, snapping her fingers in his face.

Alec batted her hand away, “What?” he asked, annoyed.

“We have no food!” Jace shouted, marching from the kitchen into the living room where they stood. “I’m going to go get bagels,” he announced. Pointing to Izzy, he said, “Don’t you dare leave before I get back.”

Isabelle rolled her eyes as Jace headed for the door.

Alec turned to the kitchen to make some coffee and he could literally _feel_ Izzy’s eyes on him as he went. “What?” he repeated, only after he’d poured himself a cup. Turning to face her, he found Isabelle waiting a few steps behind him, arms crossed tightly over her chest.

“What’s going on with you and Magnus?” she asked sharply.

Alec sighed, moving around his sister and to one of the kitchen stools. “What are you talking about? Nothing,” Alec insisted when she just gave him this _look_. “We’re — We agreed to forget the past, okay? Ignore it. Just long enough to get through this fake relationship disaster.”

Isabelle shook her head. “That’s a horrible idea.”

Alec sighed, resting his head on the counter. “I thought you wanted this? Us to get along again?”

Isabelle frowned. “No,” she said, shaking her head. She paused, biting her lower lip and thinking. “ _No_ ,” she said more firmly. “I wanted…I don’t know what I wanted,” she finally said, throwing her hands up.

They were both quiet for a minute, Alec’s heart was racing, he was trying not to think of all this, everything was a mess and it would just be better if he could ignore every bit of it. He and Magnus…they just had to get through this. To do that, Alec couldn’t constantly be remembering the past. He just — he wanted to forget all about it and have this whole thing over with.

_Didn’t he?_

Isabelle glanced up, eyes wide. When she spoke again her voice was low and calming. “I just don’t want either of you to get hurt, big brother,” she said, glancing up slowly. “I was there last time, for both of you and — And I don’t want to see it happen again. Pretending that it never did though…how’s that going to help anything?”

Alec ran a hand through his hair, unable to meet Izzy’s eyes. He didn’t want to think of this, he didn’t want to think of before the breakup or after. Thinking about it brought up too many feelings. He just wanted to…to not have to think.

Discussing it constantly wasn’t helping anything. He knew this whole thing was a terrible idea but he didn’t know what to do about it anymore.

“I don’t know, Isabelle. I just…I think it’s the only way — the only way I can _breathe_ when I’m around him. To just…ignore it all.”

Isabelle rested a hand on Alec’s forearm, squeezing. She rolled her eyes when he looked up. “Just be careful, okay?”

Alec nodded, rolling his eyes right back. “Yes, _mom_.”

Isabelle stuck her tongue out.

“We’re just…friends, okay? Not even friends.”

Isabelle nodded slowly, turning to the coffee pot and fiddling with a cup. “What happens when all of this is over?” she asked.

Alec hesitated for a minute, heart skipping but he quickly shut his brain down. No thinking, he reminded himself. “Nothing. We go back to normal.”

Isabelle turned around, raising an eyebrow. “What’s normal, not speaking for two years?”

Alec opened his mouth but no words came out.

“Just call me king of the bagels,” Jace called out, throwing the front door open and marching in.

Alec jumped on the distraction, turning to Jace. “How did you get bagels so fast?” he asked.

Jace shrugged. “It’s part of my charm and why they call me the king of the bagels.”

Alec shared a look with Izzy as Jace strode into the kitchen. She was still glaring at him, making it clear that their conversation wasn’t over.

“No one calls you that,” Alec said.

“Sure they do.”

Izzy was still staring at Alec with the same look.

Grabbing a bagel, Alec smirked at Izzy. “How’s Simon, Iz?” he couldn't help but tease.

Isabelle glared at him, the most scathing look she could give which was enough to scare off the bravest of souls. “Shut up.”

***

“Have you seen it?” Magnus asked, phone balanced between his ear and his shoulder as he pulled out ingredients for a quick stir-fry.

“Hello to you too,” Alec replied dryly.

Magnus rolled his eyes, pulling out a cutting board and a knife. “Yeah, yeah, yeah,” he sighed. “But have you _seen_ it?”

“Considering you haven’t said what ‘it’ is, I can’t accurately answer this question.”

Magnus sighed again, setting the knife down to grab his phone, turning it off speaker. “Really, Alec, I don’t know why I bothered calling you if you’re just going to act like this,” he said, idly cleaning off the vegetables with his free hand.

Magnus’ heart gave a faint tug when Alec laughed, barely anything at all. He’d called on a whim, without thinking, after seeing the article on one of the worst gossip sites.

“What are you even talking about?” Alec asked.

Magnus dried his hand and, moving his phone to the counter on speaker phone, he started chopping peppers.

“Right,” Magnus said pretending this was all perfectly normal, them talking casually on the phone. Completely normal. “Our ship name, did you see it?”

Magnus could practically hear the frown in Alec’s voice. “Ship name? What even is that?”

“Yeees,” Magnus said. “You know, like Brangelina?” Magnus pressed a hand to his heart dramatically, “Though we’ve all seen how well _that_ ended.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Alec replied. Magnus could hear him moving around on the other end of the line.

Magnus groaned. “You’re helpless,” he declared. “Ship, like relationship? When people combine your names together? Have you ever been on the Internet? Tumblr?”

There was silence on the other end of the phone for a minute as Magnus threw the peppers into the pan and moved onto the onions, hoping if he cut them fast enough they wouldn’t make him cry.

“Oooh,” Alec finally said.

Magnus froze for a minute when he didn’t immediately continue, worried he’d made a mistake in bringing this up.

Magnus forced himself to finish cutting the onion, waiting.

Then; “And yes, I have been on the Internet, once, it was horrible. Not all of us are Potterheads, Magnus and don’t pretend you use Tumblr for any other reason.”

Magnus was more relieved than he’d admit that Alec sounded normal…not weird at all. Of course, there was nothing to be weird about, it was a normal fake relationship after all, nothing more, nothing less.

“We have one of those? Is it terrible?” Alec asked, interrupting Magnus’ thoughts. “What would it even be?”

Magnus smirked. “Malec.”

“Malec?” Alec repeated. There was silence on the other end of the line and Magnus could practically _hear_ Alec thinking. “That’s…clever, I guess?”

Magnus laughed, shaking his head. “I thought so,” he said.

Magnus moved onto slicing a chicken breast as a slightly awkward silence enveloped them. Magnus had left New York quickly, so they hadn’t talked much since the day at the coffee shop and Magnus was feeling more unsteady than ever. He couldn’t get his footing here because he didn’t know what they were doing or how to do it. They weren’t friends, they were exes who hadn’t spoken in forever, who’d—who’d devastated each other. And now they were in a fake relationship.

Magnus smiled to himself. At least he had a backup career if he never wrote another song. He could write a book: What To Do When You Start A Fake Relationship With Your Ex. Alternatively titled: How To Get The Most Pain Out Of Your Previous Relationships.

Alec’s voice pulled him from his thoughts as he finished cutting the chicken. “Malec, huh?” he repeated. “I kind of like it.”

Magnus paused, smirking.

He was trying to be more careful what he said to Alec recently. Just because the past didn’t exist for them anymore…didn’t mean the past didn’t exist. So he just said, “Really? Sounds like a disease of some sort to me.”

***

Alec didn’t know exactly why Magnus had called, why he answered, or why he wanted to find a reason not to hang up yet.

Mind spinning for something to say, Alec remembered what Izzy had said that morning, about Magnus and his writing. “How’s songwriting coming?” he asked, pacing around the living room.

Magnus’ groan started before Alec had even finished the question and he laughed as it continued for a good minute. “That good?” he asked when Magnus finally stopped to take a breath.

“Fabulous,” Magnus replied dryly.

Alec could hear what sounded like chopping and assumed Magnus must’ve been cooking a late lunch. It was nearing dinner time for Alec and he was supposed to be meeting Lydia soon but he didn’t feel much of a rush to get off the phone.

“How about we talk about anything else?” Magnus suggested.

“No,” Alec insisted, laughing to himself. “I want to know about your writing.” And maybe he sounded just a little too sincere, but he meant it. He did want to know. He just didn’t want to think about why he wanted to know. Alec swallowed, turning to pace the other way.

“Fiiiine,” Magnus sighed and suddenly his voice sounded closer as he picked up the phone, turning it off speaker. “The truth is, the Chairman ruined what should’ve been a perfectly nice writing session.”

Alec didn’t realize until he got off the phone twenty minutes later, and then only because he realized he was already late and Lydia would legitimately kick his ass, that he’d been smiling the whole time.

Rushing out the door, all Alec could think was; what am I doing?

***

Magnus was staring blankly at a piece of sheet music when the front door opened, loud voices shattering his calm, serene writing space. Magnus scoffed to himself, standing from the piano. The serene writing space where he’d been playing basketball with blank sheet music and the trash can for most of the day.

Okay, so maybe his writer's block wasn’t quite as easy to overcome as it’d seemed the other day, but he had it under control. Mostly.

In the living room, Magnus found Clary and Simon supporting a sleeping Isabelle. Magnus had sent a car to pick them up at the airport, and Isabelle must’ve fallen asleep on the drive.

Magnus raised his eyebrow as Clary and Simon, who were arguing by way of whispering, finally noticed him.

Clary sighed. “She had a few drinks on the plane, not many but the second we got in the car she passed out.”

“We tried to wake her,” Simon added, fixing his glasses with his free hand, his suitcase on the ground behind him. “But she didn’t like that.” He held out a hand that had scratch marks on it.

Magnus smirked. “Don’t you know better than to mess with dear Isabelle, Sherwin,” he said.

Simon merely rolled his eyes. “Don’t worry,” he said. “I got her.”

Magnus watched, in honest to god shock, as Simon waved Clary away, leaning down to scoop up Isabelle. With one leg under her knees he lifted her up with far more ease than Magnus would’ve thought the skinny hipster boy could manage.

Magnus glanced at Clary, sharing a look that said they both couldn’t believe what they were seeing.

“I’m almost impressed,” Magnus called out as Simon headed down the hallway. “Sharon,” he couldn’t resist adding.

Clary smirked, shaking her head. She bent down to grab her duffel bag. Moving forward, Magnus tossed it back to the ground. “Come,” he said, heading to the kitchen. “Have tea with me.”

Clary followed without a word, sitting at the small breakfast table off to the side. Magnus glanced at her over his shoulder as he put the kettle on. She was staring down at the table, drawing circles with her finger.

Magnus frowned, to be honest he’d been a little wrapped up in himself recently, but not so much that he hadn’t noticed Clary was acting strange. It had started before they ever went back to New York and lingered now that she was back in L.A. Clary arriving had always made his L.A. apartment feel more like home but now…something was off.

Magnus hummed to himself, his mind spinning as he finished the tea. Setting a mug in front of Clary, he sat across from her.

“How’s the writing?” Clary asked. There were dark circles under her eyes, her hair was greasy and pulled into a high ponytail, and she was in her standard plane outfit of last night’s pajamas.

Magnus shrugged, groaning. “No comment,” he said. “And why do people keep asking me about this?” he added.

Clary rolled her eyes, sipping her tea. Magnus considered Clary family. Clary was one of the only people who made it feel like Magnus had a family. So he didn’t like seeing her like this…so…pale and depressed.

“What’s up, Biscuit?” he asked in a low voice.

Clary looked up again, her eyes going wide. “What? Nothing,” she said quickly.

Magnus raised an eyebrow silently. “Is it Jace? I can kick his ass if I need too,” Magnus offered. “Or, you know, pay someone to do it for me.”

Clary smiled wearily at that but shook her head. “No, it’s not that,” she said. “I mean, there’s nothing…with that. I mean,” she rambled. “It’s just…” she trailed off, sighing.

Magnus waited patiently, watching Clary draw invisible things on the table, staring deep into her cup of tea. Eventually she sighed again. “I’m not going to wait for him, you know?” she finally settled on.

Magnus just nodded. He didn’t exactly have fond feelings for the blond man, mainly for the way he’d constantly treated Clary, dragging her along. Of course, Clary could stick up for herself and hadn’t let it go on for long. Still, Magnus was sure there was something there. If the blond idiot could ever figure it out for himself was a different question.

“I’m tired of him being immature and waiting for him to grow up. If he doesn’t want a real relationship, fine,” she said firmly, glaring at her tea cup. Then she shook her head, turning back to Magnus. “But that’s not really what’s—”

“Hey!” Simon grinned, coming into the kitchen. He looked at Clary and frowned. “Don’t you guys have an audition tomorrow? You should sleep.”

Magnus watched Clary intently, she had this look on her face like she was about to say something important, but she just shrugged, taking her cup to the sink.

She grabbed her bag that she’d left by the table but the strap broke, spilling the fancy pencils Magnus had given her for her last birthday and a new sketchbook across the floor.

Magnus grabbed the sketchbook that’d opened to a sketch she must’ve done back in New York of her mother’s shop.

“You’ve been drawing again?” Magnus asked, grinning as he handed the book back to Clary who stood up quickly, shoveling everything back into her bag.

She shrugged. “Not really,” she said before fleeing the kitchen.

Magnus frowned. Clary had always loved art, but in recent years, since starting to dance with Raphael and Isabelle, she’d slowly started drawing less and less. Just doodles here and there.

Raising his eyebrows, Magnus turned to Simon, hoping to find out what was going on with Clary.

But Simon just took her empty seat and shrugged at his questioning look. “So,” he said, grinning knowingly. “What’s with you and Alec?”

***

Alec stayed out later than he should’ve, talking to Lydia for hours. By the time he got back to the apartment, Jace was passed out on the couch in the living room, a horror movie on the tv. Alec shut the tv off and pulled a blanket over Jace before heading to his room.

He felt better than he had in a while. Things were starting to take off with the show, they’d be flying out in not too long to start filming and he’d been able to finally talk through all his worries — how he felt a bit like an intruder, a fake, not good enough for this part and how he was doubting himself more every day. And Lydia, always smart and logical, had promptly told him how stupid he was being.

“Look, I know this is big Alec, it’s a big deal for me too,” she’d said over their third or fourth cup of coffee after dinner. “I’m nervous, too—”

“Really? _You?_ ” Alec had teased because Lydia was… Well, she hid her feelings better than Alec did, which was saying something. She was in full control of her emotions, it made her an amazing actress and honestly made Alec a little jealous from time to time.

“ _Yes_ ,” Lydia had said with a look that clearly said not to interrupt her again. “Everyone gets nervous and feels like they don’t deserve things, Alec. But you _do_ and you’re going to be great. They wouldn’t have picked you if you sucked as much as you think you do.”

Alec didn’t start believing it until the third or fourth time she said it.

Alec changed quickly, pulling on a pair of old sweats and throwing his shirt across the room before crawling into bed. It was late and Jace would be getting him up early to hit the gym again.

The excitement was starting to hit, too, as they began preparation to start filming, everything becoming increasingly more real. Not quite as exciting as it’d been when he first found out he got the part, but getting there. And, he had to admit, he looked forward to being back with the rest of the cast, too. They hadn’t spent a ton of time together since filming the pilot but they’d all gotten along well then.

Alec stretched out, checking his phone to find a text with a bunch of random letters from Isabelle, followed by one telling him she’d made it to L.A. safe but was passed out, signed by Simon. He laughed. Isabelle was notorious for getting jet lag, even on the world’s shortest flight, which should not have been possible. He sent her a quick text and as he was closing the messenger app, he found his gaze lingering on Magnus’ name.

A feeling Alec couldn’t name filled his chest then, making it hard to breathe as he asked himself for the millionth time what they were doing. Earlier, when Magnus had called Alec hadn’t hesitated to pick up, he’d laughed and that felt… strange. It should be strange, shouldn’t it?

Tossing the phone to the side of the bed, Alec turned over, trying to force himself to sleep but his mind kept spinning. What were they doing? They couldn’t be _friends_ ; Magnus had broken his—

Alec cut off his thoughts, pulling a pillow over his head, and shaking his head roughly. No thinking, he told himself.

Plus, there was nothing to think about, he reminded himself. They were adults, they knew what they were doing. They weren’t…children, they weren’t mindlessly in love. They were just two people thrown into a situation neither wanted to be in and making the best of it.

And it would be over soon enough.

Magnus _had_ broken his heart but all this…it was for the best. They needed to just get over it. This would finally be that, they’d do this…this thing and then they’d go back to hardly ever seeing each other but if they ran into each other at some award show or around the holidays since their lives overlapped so much, they would be able to talk and be near each other without making the whole room awkward.

It was all for the best. Luckily, Alec really was a good actor. He could even lie perfectly to himself.

***

Magnus was up late, scribbling in a notebook in bed with Chairman Meow. He wasn’t sure if any of the ideas were good or would even lead to a song but at least he was making progress. He was slightly terrified that his writer’s block would come back and would do anything to make sure it didn’t.

Magnus stretched, yawning. Leaning over to pet Chairman where he rested on a pillow on the messy bed, Magnus finally glanced at his phone, checking the time. It was nearly four in the morning.

Yawning again, Magnus tossed the notebook to the end of the bed.

“I think it’s bedtime,” he said. “What do you think?” he asked Chairman, running his fingers through the cat’s soft fur. The Chairman barely opened his eyes. “Point taken.”

Magnus clapped his hands and all the lights went out, leaving just the light of the moon and stars to trickle through his skylights.

Magnus didn’t notice he had a message until he grabbed his phone to put some music on. Mangus always listened to music while he slept, sometimes just instrumental stuff, sometimes a new tune he was playing around with, usually other artist's though. Not only did it help him sleep — a habit he’d picked up while bouncing around as an orphan — but sometimes it led to inspiration as well.

When he grabbed his phone again, the first thing he noticed was the text. Already feeling dread fill his gut, a glare forming on his face, Magnus thumbed in his passcode, pulling up the message.

He moved closer to Chairman Meow, resting a hand on the cat’s warm fur before reading. “Best to get it over with, huh?” he mumbled.

The text was from Satan #2, as Magnus had set the number as in his phone at least. Which meant one Sebastian Morgenstern, aka one of the worst celebrity gossips, who ran a site called The Institute, which conveniently enough was what the boy should be committed too. The rumor was he was an actor that couldn’t quite make it, fired from every role he landed before filming could even get off the ground because no one liked him — some were even terrified of him.

He earned the name Satan #2 in Magnus’ phone for all the harassing Magnus had gone through because of him. He liked to play paparazzi and reporter, but The Institute was where all the biggest rumors started first. Of course, even though nothing they reported was anything but a rumor, they still managed to convince the public everything they said was true.

Magnus felt his blood boil before even reading the message, everything Sebastian had done… Everything went back to him someway in the end.

Magnus could honestly say there were only two people he hated in the world, Sebastian was second only to Satan #1.

It took Magnus a few tries to be able to read the text, anger clouding his vision, disgust filling his chest as he was swamped with memories of the past.

****

**Satan #2:** Dearest Mags, how are you? I see your boy toy is back in the picture. Kind of hard to believe, isn’t it? Almost…too good to be true. You know me, I don’t believe anything until I see it. I don’t know about you but I’m all about the truth. How about an interview?

 

Magnus deleted the text without responding. His mind spun, quickly reading between the lines but there was no way for even Satan to have figured out their relationship was a sham. He was just digging around for a story. Magnus snorted when he read “I’m all about the truth”. Neither Satan would know the truth if it kicked their — very well-toned, to be honest — asses.

Magnus tossed his phone aside, pausing only long enough to block and delete Satan #2’s number and turn up some loud music. He rolled over, facing away from Chairman Meow who stood up, stretched, and moved closer to Magnus. With the cat’s warm body pressed close, Magnus forced himself not to over analyze the text. Sebastian knew nothing, there was nothing _to_ know, he told himself. There was a sick feeling in his gut though, if someone were to find out they were fake dating and it came out…it could damage both their careers.

Magnus shook the thought off. Only their friends and managers knew. It wasn’t possible.

Lying in bed, it didn’t take long for Magnus’ wandering mind to turn to Alec. His heart beat slow and steady even though he felt like it should be racing. He didn’t know what they were doing, talking to each other like they were friends. Hanging out. A month before…Magnus never could’ve imagined he would even see Alec again, let alone talk to him on the phone like it was no big deal.

Magnus…had missed it, desperately. He hadn’t let himself notice or feel it before. How much he missed Alec. Missed being around him, talking to him. They were friends long before they were anything more. They were a big part of each other’s lives for so long but now… So much had happened and Magnus still missed it. So. Much. An aching in his gut to be near Alec, talk to him. And none of this counted, it wasn’t real. In the middle of talking to him earlier, Magnus was still missing him. Because…this wasn’t real, wasn’t the way it was supposed to be.

Magnus shook his head feeling like an idiot. The way it was supposed to be? It wasn’t supposed to be anything. They were supposed to never talk to each other again.

Maybe, Magnus thought, maybe it’d be easier if they didn’t see or talk to each other any more than necessary. And that could be weeks yet, he had plenty of time to get himself in order, disconnect again. Make sure he was perfectly…unfeeling around Alec.

It wouldn’t be hard.

Probably.

Unless…

Unless Magnus didn’t want to not feel anything. But of course he wanted that. He wanted things to go back to how there were, be normal again. So he could just do his music, live his life. Nice and easy and uncomplicated.

Eventually, Magnus got fed up with his own thoughts and, exhausted, he finally fell asleep.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, it's been awhile and I'm sorry my break lasted longer than planned but we should be back on schedule now! Which means new chapter next week! Some time is passing in the story but things are going to start getting very interesting!
> 
> THANK YOU all so much for being so great throughout my little break and still being so interested and especially thanks to everyone who's commented or sent me messages and everything over the last month! <3<3<3
> 
> Don't forget to let me know what you think of the chapter and follow my [Tumblr @imawriteriwrite](http://imawriteriwrite.tumblr.com/)!!!


	10. Just Another Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec and Magnus start talking more...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout out to my awesome betas! I'd be lost without them and we all would suffer! <3
> 
> Chapter title from Just Another Day by Lady Gaga

Magnus flopped down on his bed, disturbing the Chairman who rushed off with a hiss.

“It’s hopeless,” he said, throwing an arm over his face. “My mojo is goooone,” he moaned. “It’s over, screw the new single, this will be my last song ever and it’s wretched.”

The bed dipped down as someone sat next to him. “Magnus—” Clary started before being interrupted.

“Dios, must you be so dramatic?”

Magnus pouted even though his face was hidden. “Biscuit, please explain to grumpy here that your whole purpose right now is to comfort me, not hurt my feelings.”

Isabelle laughed from the other side of the room.

“Aw, Magnus, what’s wrong?” Sherwin asked.

They’d all four come running when Magnus started banging on the keyboard in the corner of his room — just like he’d known they would.

“I don’t need your condescension, Samuel,” Magnus retorted.

Simon made a wounded sound but said nothing else.

“It’s hopeless,” Magnus moaned. “I still can’t write.”

“But the single, the new song…you know, the one you haven’t named,” Clary rambled. “It’s amazing!”

Magnus huffed, sitting up. He ignored everyone in the room, pulling at a loose thread in his pants. “It was a fluke,” he said miserably. “And it sucks.”

“It does not,” Izzy and Clary said at the same time.

“It’s great,” Simon added. “Your best yet.”

Everyone turned to Raphael who sighed but said sincerely, “It is great, Magnus.”

Magnus should’ve felt better, compliments came from Raphael…oh, never. But he didn’t really. Maybe he’d been too quick in assuming he’d beaten his writer’s block. What if it was a fluke? Maybe he just couldn’t write anymore.

“Hey,” Clary shouted suddenly, shaking Magnus’ shoulder. “ _No,_ ” she said firmly, “I know that look, that’s your ‘you don’t think you're good enough look’, stop that right now.”

Clary forced Magnus to look at her, she was in sweats and an old shirt, hair tied back — they must’ve been practicing. Her eyes bored into Magnus’, a fierce look on her face. “You’ll be fine,” Clary insisted, and well, it was hard not to listen to her, giving him those puppy dog eyes. “Not every song can be easy to write but I know you’ve been writing, haven’t you?”

Magnus grudgingly nodded.

“More than the one song?”

He nodded again. “Yes, but—”

“No buts!” Clary shouted loud enough to make Magnus’ ears ring. “You need to get out of the house for a while,” she said, standing and pulling Magnus with her.

Isabelle perked up. “Shopping?” she asked.

Magnus was busy planning how to better explain to them that he couldn’t write and was a horrible person and didn’t deserve his devoted fans who were waiting on him to release new music but — “Shopping?” Magnus repeated.

Raphael rolled his eyes. “Of course, _that_ cheers you up, but when I offered to scream at you until you started working it’s all no, that’s not helpful at all, Raph.”

Magnus smirked as Raphael turned to leave, mumbling to himself in Spanish.

Isabelle grinned, stepping forward and locking arms with Magnus. “Let’s go.”

Magnus stayed still, looking himself and then her up and down. Isabelle was dressed similarly to Clary and Magnus had his silk pajamas on still. “As lovely as that sounds my dear, I think we should all shower and change first.”

Clary sniffed her shirt, wrinkling her nose. “He’s right. Si, you wanna go shopping?”

Simon looked up from his phone, frowning. “Can we go to the comic book store?”

Isabelle marched over to Simon, grabbing his hand and pulling him up. “No,” she said, “but you can hold my bags.”

***

Alec woke up in a good mood. It’d been two weeks since Izzy left which put a damper on things, but they finally had a date to fly out and start filming and while he was still nervous/anxious/worried, Alec was excited too. It’d been months since he filmed anything and he’d been missing it — not to mention that he’d finally get to sink his teeth into this new character. He’d spent the last weeks preparing in various ways and he was ready to get started, finally.

His good mood lasted through his morning run with Jace and coffee with Lydia. It ended when he got back to the apartment only for his phone to immediately ring, Maryse’s face popping up on the screen along with the words “unfortunately, your mother”.

Alec moved to the kitchen, dropping his gym bag on the floor and flipping the coffeepot on — if he was going to talk to Maryse, he’d need more caffeine.

“Mother,” Alec answered right before it went to voicemail.

“Alec, you really should answer your phone more promptly,” his mother’s voice came over the phone immediately, as demanding as she ever was. “And use a proper greeting,” she added.

Alec rolled his eyes and didn’t bother replying, knowing she’d just blow over whatever he tried to say.

“Jace mentioned that you’re flying out soon,” she said in her normal flat voice, she could just as easily be saying someone had died as asking about the weather. “When do you two leave?”

Alec sighed, leaning against the kitchen counter. “In about two weeks.”

“The exact date, Alec.”

Alec pulled his phone away from his ear, quickly checking the exact date and time of the flight before telling her.

“Very well. We’ll have dinner next Thursday, the usual place.”

Alec didn’t bother asking why — “because we’re a family and that’s what families do” was Maryse’s standard response. Nor did he argue, it was just easier to go along with what his mother wanted, always had been.

Alec poured himself a cup of coffee, savoring the smell as it filled the kitchen. By the time Maryse spoke again — an awkward silence Alec had learned to find amusing filling the minutes between — Alec was halfway done with his coffee, idly flipping through a magazine Isabelle had left on the counter.

“How are your siblings?” Maryse finally asked.

Alec swallowed a lump in his throat before speaking. “You’ve talked to Jace, apparently,” he said, swirling the dregs of coffee in the bottom of his cup. “He’s Jace, preparing to fly out and everything. I talked to Isabelle last night. She, Clary, and Raphael got a part dancing in some music video, she sounded really excited.”

Maryse hummed and Alec was sure she had no idea what he was talking about. She’d never been happy that Isabelle quit acting classes to focus on dance: in her mind dancers never amounted to anything.

Alec bit down on his anger, swallowing the last of his coffee. “How are you and dad?”

As Maryse launched into some long comment, Alec put his phone on speaker, leaving it on the counter as he quickly cleaned up the kitchen — Jace always made a mess and never cleaned it up.

Alec almost thought he got away with it, Maryse finally ran out of things to say and it seemed like she was finally going to hang up, when it came up. Because of course it did.

“I’ve heard…things,” she finally said. Alec shouldn’t have been surprised, this was the only reason she’d called, he finally realized. The only real surprise was that it had taken so long.

“At first I thought it had to be a joke so I didn’t say anything, now though…it’s _everywhere_.”

Alec closed his eyes, leaning back against the counter and trying to control his breathing. He’d long since mastered the art of not caring about what his parents said, of keeping calm. At first, it was for Max and now, well it was still for Max he guessed and it just made things easier.

“Are you really seeing that man _again_ , Alexander? You have the show coming up, your whole career in front of you if you play it right. Now’s your chance to make a name for yourself.”

Alec clenched his free hand into a fist, anger quick to stir to life in his chest. In case she hadn’t noticed, he already had a career and it wasn’t a half bad one. He’d had plenty of acting jobs, he’d made a name for himself already. And he’d done it by himself, refusing every role that had been handed to him because of his parents’ influence.

Maryse just kept talking, wholly unaware of the way Alec’s nails were digging into the palm of his hand. He wished that his parents didn’t still have this effect, any effect, on him, but he just couldn’t shake it. The anger; the feeling like they held something over his head; the worry he’d disappoint them...

“Do you really want to ruin that all for this man?”

Luckily, it was much easier to remember why he shouldn’t care at all what they thought these days.

Gritting his teeth, Alec had to take a few deep breaths before he could speak. “And how, exactly,” he started, voice coming out perfectly flat. “Will Magnus ruin things?”

Maryse sighed. “He’ll distract you, just like last time,” she said. “I thought you’d learned your lesson, Alec, there is no room for that in your life. No room for love if you want to be truly successful.”

Truly successful, like all his success so far didn’t count.

“Especially not with someone like…him.”

Struggling to control his anger, Alec let out a deep, ragged breath. His temperature was rising, hands gripping the edge of the kitchen counter because he needed something to hold onto; something to ground him.

“I just want what’s best for you, Alec, and he is not. You need to be focused on your career not some — some relationship bound to end in heartbreak again. You don’t need that man in your life.”

The problem was…everything was so messed up. Here he was, arguing over some relationship that wasn’t even real. Yet he couldn’t stop himself from trying to defend Magnus, but from what? Accusations that he’d broken Alec’s heart? That was true enough.

Alec shook his head roughly. That wasn’t why his mother was acting like this. Maryse blamed Magnus for— for…Alec’s sexuality. She’d hoped that even after all that, after Alec coming out to her years ago, he’d suddenly realize he was straight and be everything she wanted.

“Do _not_ ,” he said in a low, serious tone. “Talk about Magnus like that.”

Alec could’ve continued, could’ve argued with her but it wasn’t worth it and he’d long since stopped caring enough to try to get her to see him, the real him.

“I have to go,” he said suddenly, hanging up.

Alec slipped his phone into his pocket, rubbing his face, and breathing out deeply. Nothing was worse than a phone call with Maryse Lightwood.

After a minute of peaceful silence, Alec stood up straight, heading for the door and grabbing his gym bag on the way. He was late.

***

Magnus was sitting on the balcony, nursing a glass of whiskey, guitar next to him on the little couch he had out there, notebook in his lap, pencil behind his ear. Unfortunately, he was doing more thinking about writing and drinking than actually writing.

He’d taken Clary’s advice, trying to relax. He’d spent the week since their shopping spree doing just that. He sent Ragnor and Tessa his new song to listen to — Tessa because he valued her opinion and Ragnor because he was a decent composer and always gave the most honest feedback. He’d relaxed, spending time just messing around at the piano, trying to clear his mind and let his muse return.

And it didn’t.

Now here he was, mind spinning. He couldn’t stop thinking, he’d set out that morning feeling mostly good, thinking maybe he could turn one of his new ideas into something real. He’d been good, given himself the goal of just starting one song that day. And he’d gotten nothing.

It was proving impossible to clear his mind, he just kept thinking of how he needed to write, how he was so behind, how he was going to disappoint his fans. And on and on and on.

The calm, that amazing feeling he’d had after writing the new song…it hadn’t lasted long and now it was like things were even worse than before.

Magnus had never been like this; he’d always been overflowing with ideas. Everyone around him knew how likely he was to stop mid-sentence, pull out his phone and start rapidly typing out lyrics or stop to record some random melody that made sense only to him.

Magnus sighed, stretching out and balancing his feet on the stone ledge. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been randomly inspired by that, unless his late-night writing session counted, which it didn’t feel like that did anymore.

Everyone — Luke, Clary, Isabelle, Simon, even Raphael — kept telling Magnus he had to give himself a break but he had. He hadn’t written in so long… Not really written. Not written song after song. He’d never been almost two years out from his last release with nothing prepared, with empty song books instead of one’s teaming with songs he couldn’t narrow down.

Maybe he should give into the label, meet with some real songwriters…

Magnus was so shocked when his phone buzzed that he nearly dropped his glass.

Magnus glanced at his phone, every other thought leaving his mind when he saw who it was.

 

 A. Lightwood: You up?

 

Magnus swallowed the rest of his whiskey before typing back a simple _Yes_. Alec’s picture in his phone was Alec’s backside — clad in tight black jeans — to remind Magnus he was an ass. It used to be a picture of Alec after he’d just woken up, smiling lazily at Magnus. But then again, Alec’s name in his phone used to be “Light(wood) of My Life”. Things changed.

Magnus wasn’t all that surprised when his phone rang a moment later.

“Isn’t it like 4 am there?” Alec asked.

Magnus hummed, shrugging even though Alec couldn’t see it. Alec sounded…tired and stressed. Magnus almost asked him what was wrong, but Alec spoke first. “Are you writing?”

Magnus paused, eyes widening. He looked up from his empty glass, staring out at the night sky. His heart raced, sometimes he somehow managed to forget just how well Alec knew him. He’d know that the only reason Magnus would be up so late was to write or party and Magnus hadn’t done a lot of the latter in a while.

“Magnus?”

Clearing his throat, Magnus croaked out. “Yeah,” he said, then shook his head. “I mean yes, I’m writing. Or trying to anyway,” he added bitterly. He shook his head, this wasn’t a big deal. It was nothing.

“Not going well?”

Magnus felt off center, like the world was spinning too fast. He wasn’t sure what he was feeling or thinking, mind spinning too fast. What he was doing or if he should be doing it. It’d been two weeks since they last talked and Magnus had thought that was a good thing. He didn’t want to get familiar with Alec again. He didn’t want Alec to know everything about him.

Magnus stopped thinking. He poured himself another glass from the whiskey bottle he had next to him, standing and moving towards the stone wall and looking out over the streets of L.A.

“Not really,” he finally said, chest tightening until it was hard to breathe. Magnus let out a shallow breath, sipping his new drink.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Alec asked.

Magnus tried to picture him, was he sitting at the kitchen counter, sipping coffee? Lying in bed, staring at the ceiling? Pacing? But he couldn’t. Maybe Magnus didn’t know Alec that well anymore. Maybe he never had.

“I’m sure you have better things to do,” Magnus settled on saying. Okay, maybe he was feeling a little sorry for himself.

“Not really,” Alec replied quickly. “I mean, I’ve been dealing with stuff all week, preparing to fly out and everything. I could use the distraction, and I want to know,” he added, like it was that simple.

Alec was doing much better at this whole “forgetting the past” thing than Magnus.

Magnus sighed. Turning, he lifted himself onto the ledge of the balcony, which was just wide enough to sit on without having to worry (too much) about falling. “Fiiiine,” he said. “You’ve convinced me.”

Despite that, Magnus paused a moment, trying to gather his thoughts. Alec didn’t say anything but Magnus could hear him breathing on the other end of the line.

Finally, he admitted it. “I can’t write.”

“Hmm?” Alec asked.

Magnus hung his head, swirling the golden liquid in his cup. “I— I can’t write,” he repeated.

“What do you mean? Of course you can write,” Alec replied. “You’re Magnus Bane, it’s what you do.”

Magnus rolled his eyes, feeling a strange bitterness fill his chest. “What Magnus Bane used to do maybe,” he said, unable to hide his bitterness. “I’m pretty sure Magnus Bane can’t write a decent song to save his life these days.”

Alec was silent on the other end of the phone for a few minutes. Magnus sulked to himself, sipping on his whiskey and swinging his bare feet. “Bullshit,” Alec finally said.

“What?” Magnus asked, shocked. That’s when he nearly fell off the balcony. Righting himself he quickly slipped off the edge, moving back to the couch.

“Did you just almost fall off the balcony? _Again_?” Alec asked.

Magnus frowned. Okay, maybe it was a pout. “How’d you know?”

Alec chuckled. “I thought you were banned from sitting there when you’re drinking?”

Magnus’ pout intensified, he only wished Alec could see it. “I am,” he said haughtily. “But I’m also a grown adult.”

Alec laughed again.

“Can we go back to what you were saying before? I believe you were about to agree that I can’t write good songs anymore. Or any songs for that matter,” Magnus prompted, stretching out and cuddling his guitar so it wouldn’t fall. He rested his head on the small pillow, closing his eyes.

“No,” Alec said. “That was not what I was saying.”

Magnus sighed. “Then you’re wrong.”

“Magnus,” Alec said in a soft voice before stopping. Magnus’ breath caught in his throat and he told himself he was stupid but it didn’t stop his heart from pounding too hard, too fast. “You’re an _amazing_ songwriter,” Alec continued. “And I’m not just saying that to make you feel better, you know I can’t lie convincingly.”

Magnus snorted. Because really? This whole thing was nothing but one big, or maybe a thousand little, lies.

“I have proof,” Alec said. “Not even counting your own albums, you’ve written eighteen chart-topping singles. Three of which won Grammy’s, not to mention the countless other awards they’ve won. You are the reason that one boy band is anything. You wrote the song that won nearly every song of the year award two years ago. And I know you wrote that one really catchy breakup song that Tessa just released and has rocketed her career even higher—”

Magnus had allowed himself to get lost in Alec’s smooth, even voice, but that stopped him. “Wait, how do you know that?” Magnus asked, sitting up. No one knew that. He’d co-written it with Tessa over a year ago and he’d used a different name. Not even Isabelle or Clary knew about it.

Alec snorted. “Come on, I was there the day you said that you wanted to secretly write songs and go by the name “Sherwin Lewis” just to annoy Simon.”

Magnus froze, he’d forgotten all about that. Shaking his head, he asked, “You listen to Tessa’s music?” Alec was not a music fan, he never listened to much and he had horrible taste that Magnus had worked hard to change to no avail. He’d always said he’d rather listen to an audio book.

Alec cleared his throat. “I mean, yeah,” he said. “It’s kind of everywhere, how could I not?”

“And you looked up who wrote it?” Magnus teased, heart pounding.

He could imagine Alec rolling his eyes as he said, “Yes. I mean, I just googled it once. When I was bored.”

Magnus nodded, saying nothing but picking at the nail polish on his fingers, balancing the phone on his shoulder.

“It sounded like something you would write,” Alec finally admitted.

Magnus paused, dropping his hands. “Right,” he said in a strange voice. Shaking his head, Magnus made himself concentrate and put the lid back on the bottle of whiskey. He’d definitely had enough for one night. “But that wasn’t even all me,” he finally said. “Tessa gave me the idea, she helped write it and it’s the only decent thing I’ve done in months.”

“Should I continue to list all the amazing songs you’ve written, and awards they’ve won?” Alec asked.

Magnus shook his head. “I can’t write like that anymore…”

“Why not?” Alec asked. “What’s stopping you?”

Magnus stood, moving back inside, unable to enjoy the view as his head pounded. “I don’t know,” he finally said. “I haven’t written…in a while.”

“Izzy said something about a single?” Alec prompted after a moment of seemingly endless silence where they both pretended not to know exactly where the other’s mind had gone.

Magnus moved downstairs to the kitchen. “Yeah, one song,” he finally said. “In two years. And I was wrong, it’s horrible.”

Alec laughed, “You’re impossible.”

Magnus smirked, filling the kettle.

“I’m sure it’s great. Everyone gets writer’s block, Magnus, it doesn’t mean you’re some failure or something.”

Magnus hummed but didn’t say anything. Sure, writer’s block didn’t make you a failure, but having nothing new written — nothing that counted anyway — in two years? Having nothing to record when his record company wanted the new album out this year and it was already August? That made him a failure.

“You’re thinking too much,” Alec finally said.

“Did you call for a reason?” Magnus interrupted, trying to change the topic.

“No, not really. And you’re avoiding the topic,” Alec replied.

Magnus picked out a random box of tea, grabbing a cup at the same time. “Am not,” he said.

“Are too,” Alec shot back.

“Stop acting like a child,” Magnus said but he couldn’t help a small smile from crossing his face. He knew this should’ve been weirder, that maybe they shouldn’t be talking at all but the rules for this were confusing and nothing seemed to count in the middle of the night anyway.

Alec snorted again. “You’re the child and you’re thinking too much. Don’t think about what this means for your career, don’t think about the fans. Just…” Magnus found himself holding his breath as Alec searched for the right words. “Just think about what you want to say or think about nothing and do it.”

Everyone had been telling Magnus similar things all week — for months really. But this was the first time it sounded like it could be that easy.

“That simple?” Magnus asked, breathing the words out.

“That simple,” Alec replied. “So?”

“So?”

“Are you going to play something for me or what?”

***

Alec was doing everything he could to not think too much of Magnus, not to remember the past, but sometimes it just pushed through. He wasn’t sure what was worse, the memories of the breakup or the ones from before.

They struck when he was least expecting them. While working out with Jace he was reminded of the time Magnus tried to teach him to do yoga and not even five minutes in Alec gave up, opening his eyes to watch Magnus instead. Alec had punched the punching bag Jace was holding still for him a little too hard that time.

Later that day, he was putting together dinner because Lydia was coming over, and he’d been struck by dozens of memories. All the times he and Magnus had cooked together. The time they tried to make Christmas cookies, back before they were ever together and Alec could feel the memory of how much he’d wanted to kiss Magnus then, like it was happening all over again. That day, Magnus had thrown flour in Alec’s face before he could act on the urge and they’d ended up covered in cookie dough with only half a dozen deformed cookies by the end of it.

Alec nearly burnt the chicken.

The next morning, he woke up with the memory of…everything from the last day playing over and over in his head. Nothing could dislodge it, not running faster on their morning jog, or an extra mile. Not a hot shower and good breakfast. Not even a skype session with the rest of the cast and the show runner. By the time he went to bed that night, Alec was physically and mentally exhausted from it all.

The next morning, it was like it had never happened at all.

Thursday finally rolled around and it felt like more than a week had passed, everyday so long, with Jace and Alec being busier than ever. He was tired and had been dreading dinner with his parents since he woke up but he held his head high, following Jace into the restaurant.

Everything was fine at first. Their mother kissed both their cheeks, their father nodded sternly. They made it all the way through appetizers, talking peacefully enough. Maryse directed all questions about the show and flying out to start filming to Jace, which was fine with Alec who listened quietly, sipping on his glass of wine, while a knot ate away at his stomach.

Then the entrees arrived. One bite in, Maryse started.

Alec had to hold in a sigh as his mother’s eyes moved to him, like it was the first time she’d noticed him all night.

“So, Alexander,” she said, making Alec flinch. He really hated his full name, now more than ever. “How is your…boyfriend?” she asked, hesitating over the term.

Jace frowned, turning to Alec. Alec kicked him under the table, seeing the question form on his mouth.

“Magnus,” Alec said quickly and Jace’s expression cleared and then changed, eyes widening, mouth falling open like ‘oh shit’. Oh shit sounded right to Alec. He’d known he wasn’t lucky enough to get away with them not mentioning it but he’d _hoped_.

“He’s fine,” he added quickly.

Robert was frowning now. “When did you two get back together?”

“I don’t know, two months ago?” Alec said, trying to sound casual as he picked at his plate. He suddenly wasn’t hungry anymore.

Robert hummed, nodding. “I thought—”

“They worked things out,” Jace quickly jumped in. “Or are trying to anyway.”

Alec glared but Jace wasn’t paying attention. “Everyone was really shocked,” he added.

Alec kicked him again.

Maryse sighed and Alec settled in for a long night as she opened her mouth no doubt to say how much she had wished he’d work things out with Lydia, completely neglecting the fact that they’d never been in a real relationship and oh yeah, Alec was gay.

He wasn’t disappointed.

***

Magnus walked down the street with Ragnor who was finally back from a trip home to London. To be honest, Magnus was feeling pretty good. And it was lasting this time. All week he’d been writing. Some of it was the worst shit he’d ever written, but some was good. He didn’t let himself linger on thoughts of what had changed, instead he just went with it. No thinking. That was starting to expand into more and more of his life it seemed.

“I don’t know why we couldn’t just order in,” Ragnor muttered. “There’s no good food in this…city,” he sneered.

Magnus rolled his eyes. “You don’t like anything darling, nothing is good enough for your unreasonable English tastes.”

Ragnor turned up his nose but said nothing. Ragnor came and went as he pleased, he was one of Magnus’ oldest friends (both in age as Magnus liked to remind him, and time he’d known him), as well as a well-known and highly regarded composer. He was filthy rich from a family inheritance and did whatever he pleased, only giving into leaving his London home for a while because Magnus hadn’t stopped bugging him.

They’d spent all morning in the music room, Rangor was one of the only people Magnus trusted with his earliest versions of songs, and now Magnus was positively famished.

“You still haven’t told me what you’re doing with your…Alec,” Ragnor said suddenly.

Magnus paused, tilting his head. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Ragnor gave him a _look_. “You promised me details, I’ve been relying on Raphael for everything the last two months.”

Magnus sighed. “There aren’t any details.”

Rangor gave him a _look_.

“You’re just looking for gossip, of which there is none,” Magnus explained, starting forward again.

Ragnor didn’t move.

“Food first, then details,” Magnus called out. He hadn’t told Rangor much more than the fact that they weren’t actually dating. He didn’t need someone else reminding him how stupid he was being. Of course, Ragnor had already done that, many times.

“Good and you better give me something Raph doesn’t know or I’m never speaking to you again.”

“How unfortunate that would be,” Magnus smirked.

Magnus didn’t see it at first, mind running off without him. Ragnor’s mentioning of Alec had brought all the thoughts forward. Thoughts about how he only started writing again after talking to Alec, how he’d played for Alec…just like he used to. And with that came the memories. Magnus sitting on his tour bus alone, phone on speaker before him, playing Alec new songs or just bits of melodies, talking it through the whole way.

Magnus’ heart…hurt. Which was stupid. It was just…something Alec only did for him. Alec didn’t love music, it wasn’t part of his soul the way it was Magnus’, he barely listened to anything. But when it was Magnus’ music, when Magnus was trying to figure out a new song, Alec would listen to it again and again and offer whatever help he could. Magnus used to find him asleep, headphones in and take them out only to realize Alec had been listening to his music.

Magnus shook his head, heart racing. There was no point in thinking of those things.

Then he looked up and found Satan. Satan #1 to be specific.

“Magnus, darling,” a voice crooned. Magnus shivered. How had he ever found that sound attractive?

“Oh look, it’s the devil,” Ragnor said, perking up.

Camille Belcourt stood a few feet away, walking slowly towards them, right in front of Magnus’ favorite restaurant. She was dressed in a tight blood red dress with matching lipstick, her hair in perfect coils around her shoulders. She sneered at Ragnor before turning to Magnus.

She stepped close, pressing a kiss to his cheek. Magnus shivered, immediately using his sleeve to wipe the spot she kissed, making her sneer again. “It’s been too long, darling,” she said, ignoring Ragnor completely.

“Or not long enough,” Magnus replied, “Who’s really to say?”

“Catfight,” Ragnor called, forming his hand into a claw and hissing.

Camille smiled, eyes boring into Magnus’. “I heard you were back with that…” she tilted her head to the side, considering. “Wannabe actor, Alex something?”

“Alec,” Magnus immediately corrected, feeling Ragnor’s raised eyebrow rather than seeing it.

“Yes, _him_ ,” Camille said.

There was no denying that Camille was beautiful and a great actress, she’d even fooled Magnus once upon a time. Now he saw the truth, how twisted and evil she could be. She didn’t say what she meant but what she thought you wanted to hear. Everything with her was an act, it always had been.

Reaching out, she ran a finger down Magnus’ arm, pouting. “It’s too bad really,” she purred. “I just moved back to town you know. I was over in Paris, filming,” she added, tossing her hair.

“They needed someone to play an evil vapid bitch?” Rangor asked, faking shock. “It’s so hard to find someone for that role these days. You’re the only actress I can think of for it.”

Camille finally turned to him, smiling widely. “Dear Ragnor, how I’d forgotten about your…humor.”

Magnus shifted on his feet, looking around quickly but finding no paparazzi even though he felt as if he were being watched. Finally, Camille turned back to him. “We should get dinner, darling.”

Before Magnus could reply, she kissed his cheek again, moving towards her car quickly with a wave over her shoulder.

“That was…” Magnus started.

“Satan, yes, I noticed,” Ragnor filled in.

Magnus rolled his eyes, turning back towards his apartment. He hadn’t seen much of Camille in a long time, seeing her didn’t have the same hold on him anymore and it took him a moment to realize that was what made him feel so…off. He wasn’t even angry. And he definitely wasn’t hurt, not like he’d been for a long time. It’d been years since they were together, since they saw each other. And Magnus…couldn’t care less. He didn’t know why that scared him.

“Oh, now you’re fine ordering in? Typical,” Ragnor said.

***

“Have you seen my favorite hoodie?” Jace called from the living room.

Alec finished grabbing his last few shirts, moving across the hall to Jace’s room and finding the mentioned hoodie hanging in his closet.

“Got it,” Alec called back, heading out of the room.

“And my laptop,” Jace shouted back.

Alec rolled his eyes, turning back around and grabbing the laptop and charger on Jace’s bed. Moving back to the living room, he handed Jace his things before moving to his own bag.

Jace’s luggage was overflowing while Alec’s was perfectly packed.

“I think I’m forgetting something,” Jace muttered, slipping the laptop into his laptop case and looking over the rest of his stuff.

“The kitchen sink?” Alec offered, earning a glare.

“No, that goes in my carry on,” Jace replied, rolling his eyes.

“Did you pack underwear?”

Jace froze, eyes widening before smacking his forehead and moving to the back of the apartment.

“Really?” Alec shouted, throwing up his hands. His siblings would be lost without him.

Alec finished packing quickly, then watched Jace spend an hour trying to narrow things down to make it all fit. “You will be allowed to come back at some point, you know,” Alec teased, after Jace spent ten minutes debating whether or not he needed all his hair products.

Jace made a face but didn’t reply.

Alec pulled out his phone. Noticing an Instagram alert, he pulled it up, finding a throwback Thursday picture Izzy had posted. Alec frowned, it was Thursday again already? The days were running together more than ever.

Finally focusing on the picture, Alec let out a loud laugh. In it, they were all no older than twelve, it couldn’t have been long after Jace moved in with them. The three of them laid on the ground, hair a mess, laughing. They were tangled together and Alec’s memory, along with Izzy’s caption, were the only way to know this had been taken only moments after Alec and Jace had tried to kill each other and Izzy had jumped in and started tickling them to get them to stop and right before 3-year-old Max had jumped in on top of all of them.

“What?” Jace asked, moving over to Alec.

Alec held his phone out, and a smile curved Jace’s face. “Ha. I remember that,” he said. “It was right after I kicked your ass.”

Alec raised an eyebrow. “I think we both know that Izzy won that fight.”

Jace shrugged, “Fair enough.”

As Jace finished shoving the last of his stuff in his suitcase — he was even worse than Isabelle when it came to his own things — Alec found himself searching through his old pictures, finding one to post himself. He settled on one, tagging Jace and Izzy, but also Clary, Simon, and Magnus, before posting it.

Jace’s phone buzzed with the notification. He pulled it out quickly, snorting when he opened it. It was picture from a few Christmases before, they’re were all covered in snow, faces red, bundled up in winter jackets, knit caps, gloves and scarves. Izzy and Magnus the only ones who managed to look halfway decent. They’d just gotten in from a massive snowball fight, in the picture Jace was glaring at Simon who was giving Isabelle bunny ears. Izzy and Clary were huddling for warmth but grinning at the camera. And Magnus…was staring up at Alec, grinning while Alec rolled his eyes at the camera.

“So,” Jace said in a weird voice. Alec looked over at him as he threw his phone on the couch, shoving the rest of his stuff into his bag and forcing it closed. “What’s with you and Magnus anyway?”

Alec raised an eyebrow silently. He was a little thrown off by the question coming from Jace of all people. Jace did heart to hearts as well as Alec did feelings.

Frowning when Jace ignored his look, Alec shrugged. “Nothing,” he said. “We’re being forced to pretend to have a relationship, that’s all.”

Jace paused, biting his lower lip. “You sure?” he asked, raising his eyebrows questioningly.

“Yes,” Alec responded possibly too quickly.

Jace continued to look at him with that unbelieving look and Alec threw his hands up, getting to his feet. “Look, I don’t know what’s with you and Iz and everyone recently, but all there is between us is nothing, okay? That’s long since over and I’d rather never be around him again but that’s not going to work right now, is it?” Alec asked, just barely keeping his voice even.

“You could just stop,” Jace said.

Alec scoffed, “Yeah, that’s just what I need right now, to go through a fake public breakup. Hodge is right,” Alec continued, “This is good for both of our images, for our _show,_ Jace.”

Jace held his hands up, surrendering. “Okay, you’re right.”

Alec nodded only just realizing his heart was pounding faster than normal. Feeling awkward, like he’d overreacted, Alec quickly changed the topic. “What’s with you and Clary?” he asked.

Jace’s head shot up again, eyes comically wide. “What?” he yipped.

Alec snorted. “You and the shrimp?” he prompted.

Jace shrugged, moving towards the kitchen. “Nothing, never has been. I’m hungry, want to order in?”

Alec sighed. “Pizza?”

After the food arrived, Alec became aware of the fact that Jace kept looking at him. “What?” he finally snapped, throwing a piece of pizza crust at Jace. “Stop staring at me.”

Jace blinked down at the pizza crust. “Ow,” he said.

“Why are you staring at me?” Alec demanded.

Jace shrugged. “It’s just…you’ve been different recently.” Alec frowned and Jace rushed on. “Not bad different, just different.”

Alec rolled his eyes. “Jace, we’re about to start filming a tv show where we’re both main cast, can we please focus on this?”

Alec’s mind spun, thinking over Jace’s words but his brother just grinned, “Hell yeah we can.”

***

When Alec called that night, Magnus was sitting in the music room, playing a melody he’d had stuck in his head repeatedly.

“Hey,” Magnus answered, barely pausing to glance at the screen.

“How’s writing?” Magnus was distracted and had to ask Alec to repeat himself twice before registering the question.

Magnus was torn between grinning because he knew this melody was going to lead somewhere, and groaning because he’d been trying to figure it out for over an hour now and gotten nowhere.

Alec took his silence as answer enough, saying, “That good huh?”

Magnus went with groaning. “I’ve had something stuck in my head,” he explained. “I woke up with it this morning and it was one of those moments where I just knew it was going to be something, you know?” Magnus paused, waiting for Alec to hum in agreement. “But I can’t get it to work in a song to save my life.”

Alec laughed.

“This isn’t a laughing matter!” Magnus said but he wasn’t mad.

“You’re overthinking again,” Alec said simply. Then, “Play it for me?”

Magnus hesitated. “It’s not much,” he said.

“Obviously,” Alec replied. “Do it anyway.”

They’d been doing this for a week now, though Magnus was sure that had nothing — okay, mostly nothing — to do with his newly rediscovered ability to write, it still felt…like something they shouldn’t do as people who didn’t even want to be speaking to each other. Plus, Magnus knew Alec had an early flight in the morning.

“Shouldn’t you be sleeping?” Magnus said, folding up the mostly blank sheet music and sliding the cover over the piano keys.

“I’m not tired.”

Magnus chewed his lip, still hesitating.

“So?” Alec prompted.

“Fiiiine,” Magnus sighed, giving in. He placed the phone on speaker, grinning. “Don’t say anything unless it’s a compliment about how amazingly talented I am,” he added, pushing back the piano cover and resting his hand on the cool ivory keys.

“Obviously,” Alec replied, sounding like he was grinning.

“And don’t grin so loud, it’s distracting,” Magnus added before starting.

By the end of the night, he had the beginnings of what would be an actual song and Alec barely got a few hours of sleep before his flight. Neither complained.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter should be up next week!
> 
> If you tell me your thoughts in the comments, give some kudos, or stalk my Tumblr I could be convinced to post a sneak peak of the next chapter sometime before it goes up! Yell at me on [Tumblr @imawriteriwrite](http://imawriteriwrite.tumblr.com/)!!
> 
> Love ya biscuits, thanks for reading! (I also posted the first of a two-part fic titled [Addicted To You](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8552617/) if you're interested. ;))


	11. One Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec and Magnus are back in the same city...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from One Time by Safetysuit "One time should've been enough for me, fine"
> 
> Shout out to the two best beta's in the world, aka: mine! <3

A lot had changed in the last three months, Magnus realized as he paced back and forth in his living room. Three months before he’d been standing in pandemonium, freaking out, waiting for Alec’s party to start and about to see him for the first time in years. He’d been on the phone with Luke then, too, panicking even further because he hadn’t written a thing.

And now… Now Magnus had almost a full album’s worth of songs done. Now he’d been fake dating Alec for three months — which didn’t really amount to much, not counting the…not secret, just not talked about conversations they’d been having every night for the last month. They’d barely done anything for this fake relationship besides confirming it. And Magnus…still didn’t know how to feel about everything.

Which was ridiculous because he was Magnus Bane, he didn’t get confused, he didn’t have worries. Of course…that wasn’t working so well for a long time now, but at least before he could do a better job at pretending.

Magnus shook his head, tuning back into what Luke was saying. None of that was important now, what was important was his career.

“So we have you booked for a few charity events, not to mention the MTV awards show. Hodge and Catarina have a list of events you’ll attend with Alec — apparently you haven’t been doing enough,” Luke’s deep voice informed him.

Magnus’ heart shrank and his pacing increased. “Enough what?” he asked, having to force the words out.

“Appeared in public enough, acted in love enough, and so on is how Hodge so nicely explained.”

Magnus rolled his eyes. “Whatever,” he said.

“You’re sure you’re still okay with this? I can call it off now, Magnus, just say so,” Luke said, voice growing softer with concern.

Magnus cleared his throat, shaking his head even though Luke couldn’t see him. “No,” Magnus said. “It’s fine. _I’m_ fine.”

There was silence on the other end of the line for a moment and Magnus knew Luke was trying to decide whether to believe him or not. Finally, he just asked, “How’s the album coming?”

A smile stretched across Magnus’ face before he could stop it. “It’s coming well,” he said and for the first time it wasn’t a lie. “Tessa was here for a few days, helping with a few songs. I think…” Magnus started, laughing softly. “I think I may be ready to get back in the studio soon.”

Magnus could hear the grin in Luke’s voice. “That’s great Magnus,” he said. “Really, it is. Just tell me when you’re ready to work on the details and I’ll be there.”

Magnus laughed again, shaking his head. “Of course you will, that’s what I pay you so much for.”

Luke snorted. “Yeah, that’s why, not because you would literally be lost without my help.”

Magnus grinned fondly. He really would be.

“Thanks,” Magnus said.

Luke cleared his throat, answering gruffly. “Of course. Now, get back to work so you can pay me.”

Magnus rolled his eyes once more before hanging up. Talking to Luke was the only time Magnus managed to feel like that little kid he’d been back before his record deal. That, and when Raphael was glaring at him because he’d done something stupid.

Magnus slipped his phone into his pocket, whirling around only to come up short, finding Clary staring at him from a few feet away.

“Biscuit!” Magnus said, throwing a hand over his heart. “You scared me.”

Half of Clary’s mouth turned up in a smile as she carefully looked him up and down, head tilted to the side like she was considering something.

“What? Do I have lipstick on my teeth?” Magnus asked, smirking.

Clary rolled her eyes. “No,” she said, moving forward finally. She squeezed his shoulder. “I’m just…happy for you.”

Magnus frowned. “Why?” he asked, then answered his own question. “Is it because I’m fabulous, have exceptional taste, and have been writing the greatest songs ever? Not to mention, have you _seen_ me?”

Clary snorted. “Yeah, all those things,” she said, shaking her head and turning away. “Mostly though, it’s because of what you just said.”

“About being fabulous?” Magnus frowned, following after her towards the kitchen.

“Yes,” Clary replied. “But more that you said it than the actual words.”

“I’m lost, kitten,” Magnus said, grabbing an egg roll from the food that had finally arrived.

Clary pulled down a couple of plates, not saying anything for a few minutes. Finally, she turned around. “I’m only saying this because I love you.”

Magnus swallowed his bite of egg roll with a little difficulty. “Continue,” he said.

Clary wasn’t the kind of person to look away when saying something important, she stared you right in the eyes in a nearly unnerving manner. “You…you haven’t been _you_ in a long time, Magnus,” she said in a low, kind voice.

Magnus’ heart stopped.

“What do you mean?” he asked when he could breathe again.

“I mean,” Clary said, pulling her hair back and out of her face, securing it to her head with a chopstick. “That for a long time…you just…I don’t know _, stopped_. You were broken, it’s like…you’re coming back to life.”

Magnus waved her words away, unwilling to admit how much they rang true. “It’s the writing, Biscuit,” he said. “An artist is nothing without their art.”

Clary stared at him for another minute, looking thoroughly unconvinced, before nodding. “Right,” she said. “Well, I’m glad you’re writing again. Mostly because I’m your number one fan of course and I’ve been waiting forever for something new!”

Magnus laughed, thankful she was letting him off this time as they quickly fell into a conversation about Magnus’ music.

Simon wandered in eventually. “Food!” he shouted. “I’m starving. Learning accounting sucks,” he groaned, dropping his backpack to the ground.

Clary paused mid-laugh, face growing dark and serious. She twirled her fork around on her empty plate as Magnus slapped Simon’s hand away from the last egg roll.

“Hey, Magnus—“ Clary started before being interrupted by Magnus’ phone.

Magnus held his finger up, stopping her for a moment as he pulled the phone out of his pocket to find a message from Hodge. Groaning, Magnus opened it, quickly reading through the attached schedule. His eyes widened when he noticed the date — barely a week away.

Without replying, Magnus slipped his phone back away. Rubbing his hands together, Magnus turned to Simon and Clary. “Who wants to visit a tv show set?”

***

It was two in the morning by the time Alec finished filming for the day (or night). Scenes that needed to be filmed at night were both the bane of his existence and his favorite thing. It was always fun, especially at first, but by the end he was even more tired than he was at the end of a normal day. They’d only started filming about a week before. The first weeks they were training, getting into shape, having table reads, talking to the showrunners and a million other things.

Collapsing onto the bed in his hotel room, Alec let out a long groan but he couldn’t help a grin crossing his face, finally getting to work this last month had been amazing. Sure, he still had his worries and was nervous for when the show would actually start airing but that was months away and it was just great being back at work. He’d been going stir crazy, waiting to start. Now he was finding his rhythm, sinking his teeth into his character, finding his footing with the rest of the cast. Even if he was exhausted, he wouldn’t complain about one thing.

Okay, maybe the training, but only every once in a while. And the harsh diet they were all on; that wasn’t super fun, but it was worth it. Alec had always been fairly toned — their parents had insisted on a number of hours spent in the gym even when they were young, and Jace had taken to it more than anyone constantly dragging Alec along — he could honestly say he’d never been in such good shape. Not even in preparing for his previous projects.

Quickly, Alec realized he’d made a mistake falling into bed before changing and now that he was down, sinking into the all too comfortable bed as the sun began to rise outside his windows, there was no way he was getting back up.

Eventually, he just kicked off his boots, crawling slowly up to the head of the bed and collapsing face first into the pillows.

Alec woke up hours later, after not nearly enough sleep, only because his alarm started blaring. He couldn’t remember setting it but he must’ve before falling asleep. Groaning, Alec turned over in bed. He really didn’t want to get up, eyes already falling closed again but he had things to do.

Twenty minutes later, Alec finally crawled out of bed, tripping his way to the bathroom and grabbing the world’s fastest shower before drying off and dressing quickly. He glanced at the time on his phone, briefly distracted by several texts.

Sitting down on the edge of the bed, Alec quickly pulled them up, first was a reminder from Lydia to meet her for lunch before they had to be on set. The second from his mother, checking in. Then there was a reminder from Hodge, telling Alec he’d be arriving the night before and Magnus would be there in just a few hours and all the things Hodge wanted them to do. Alec rolled his eyes, he trusted Hodge but he seemed to be going a little overboard. For three months they’d barely had to do anything and now suddenly they needed to be out in public more or something like that.

Alec typed a quick reply as his chest grew tight. He’d been trying not to think about Magnus visiting since he heard about it last week. It’d been — what, over a month since they saw each other? Which was fine. But then they’d started talking on the phone… It just felt weird, that they were going to be seeing each other again. Alec wasn’t nervous he was just…apprehensive.

Like most things, it was easier not to think about.

Lastly, Alec had a text from Izzy, rubbing it in his face that she was sleeping while he had to work from the night before.

Alec was slipping his phone away when it buzzed in his hand. He glanced at the screen to see _Magnus_. Alec quickly pulled the message up, finding a picture of Magnus along with Clary, Simon, and Isabelle all frowning unhappily at the camera, the airport in the background. His phone buzzed again.

**Glittery Bane of My Existence:** we got up at five am. U owe us.

***

Magnus spent most of the flight sleeping. When they arrived at the airport a car was already waiting to take them to their hotel. After a quick lunch and freshening up, they were taken by the same stony driver to the set.

Isabelle practically vibrated next to him. “This is so _exciting_ ,” she said, squeezing Magnus’ arm. It never ceased to amaze Magnus just how close the Lightwood siblings were, they could be apart for a week and be just as excited to see each other as if a year had passed.

It wasn’t any of their first time on set, even Clary and Simon had visited Jace or Alec before, so a lot of the sights were fairly similar, all the people around, the noises. Jace and Lydia met them when the driver pulled to a stop.

Lydia smiled brightly while Jace looked past everyone else, peering closely at Clary, who completely ignored him.

“Hey, guys!” Lydia called. “Alec’s filming a scene right now so we volunteered to show you around,” she said, accepting a hug from Clary as Isabelle hugged Jace, asking him a bunch of questions.

Jace laughed, cutting Isabelle off. “Iz, we talk every day,” he said.

Isabelle glared. “So?” she asked. “You never say much!”

“Follow me,” Lydia said. She was dressed in a smart suit, makeup done perfectly, making it clear she’d already been filming that day.

Lydia lead them around, showing them various sets not currently in use, feeding a constant stream of information about what they’d been doing and introducing various people. All the while, Jace was trudging along behind, still staring at Clary.

At one point, Magnus couldn’t take it any longer, stepping closer to the red-haired girl, he grabbed her arm, pulling her slightly to the side. “What’s going on with you two?” Magnus asked, eyes narrowed as Jace slowly slinked past.

“What?” Clary choked out. She peered over her shoulder, gaze following Jace like she’d only just noticed him.

“He’s been staring at you like…I don’t know, you’re the last piece of pizza or something,” Magnus informed her.

Clary frowned. “Really? _Pizza_?”

Magnus narrowed his eyes. “You know what I mean,” he said. “What have you been doing to him? Not that I object; just curious.”

Clary looked over her shoulder, and Magnus followed her gaze. The others had stopped a few feet away, talking to a long-haired man who looked vaguely familiar, and…Hodge. Magnus grimaced on reflex, turning back to Clary. “I haven’t done anything,” she finally said. “We haven’t even talked.”

Magnus looked over in time to catch Jace looking back at Clary again, with wide, puppy dog eyes. “Biscuit,” he said slowly, grabbing her shoulders. “I hate to be the one to tell you this, but that boy’s in love with you, he’s not even trying to hide it anymore.”

Clary scoffed, knocking off Magnus’ hands and curling hers into fists. “Well then he should grow some balls and tell me,” she insisted. “So I can crush him.”

Magnus’ eyes widened and he laughed, throwing his head back. “That’s my biscuit.”

“Magnus,” an all too familiar voice called out suddenly.

Magnus froze. He was not ready for this, he realized suddenly. He should’ve put it off, told Hodge and Cat no, said he was too busy… Anything but have to see Alec in person again because now… now his voice, calling Magnus’ name, was doing things it should not have been doing and it was really hard to pretend otherwise.

***

Alec forced every thought from his mind, forced himself calm, barely let himself glance at Magnus — not because it was the only way to get through this, just….because. No real reason honestly.

He’d been off his game all morning, nervous for no reason, worrying for no reason. There was no reason for anything. For the first time in the last month, he had time to sit and think again to realize that…he had no idea what they were doing but he didn’t want _this_. This shouldn’t be happening. Things were easier when they were never talking. Things were easier before the fake dating and before the “the past doesn’t exist” nonsense. Now…things were just confusing.

Because they’d been acting like…like they were friends. But…that couldn’t be. That couldn’t happen. Not now. Not after everything.

They’d been talking every day for weeks and now… Now it needed to stop. They needed to get through this and take a step back. Be nothing more than fake boyfriends which was basically nothing at all.

So Alec did what he’d been doing all day, he acted. Forcing a small friendly smile to his face as Magnus turned to him. “How was your flight?” he asked before cringing internally.

***

Forcing a small, casual smile on his face, Magnus turned to Alec. His eyes stayed firmly on Alec’s face, no wandering. He forced unwanted thoughts from his brain, forced his fast beating heart to slow. This was nothing. In fact, it was just a tedious part of the job. Magnus just had to get through the weekend and then get back to real life. This wasn’t a fun vacation, it was just part of the job. Something he had to do like…like promoting a new album. Only more painful.

Magnus shook his head, clearing his thoughts. He missed whatever Alec asked. Luckily, Clary stepped in for him, moving to hug Alec while saying, “Magnus wouldn’t know how the flight was, he slept the whole time.”

Heart lodged somewhere in his throat, watching Alec hug Clary and then Isabelle, even fist-bumping Simon, Magnus swallowed, forcing a more cheerful grin. “Hey, I was up early, I need my beauty rest.”

Alec’s eyes met Magnus’ over Isabelle’s shoulder and his heart stopped. He looked away quickly, feeling lost as no words came to him to distract from…from everything. Why did this feel so weird? So awkward? It was nothing.

Magnus’ thoughts were interrupted as Hodge cleared his throat. “This won’t do at all,” the fairly buff man determined, walking forward.

“Pardon?” Magnus asked, jumping on the distraction and tearing his gaze away from Alec.

Hodge glared at him. “You’re supposed to be in love,” he said, only after glancing around. They were standing outside again now and everyone else had seemingly disappeared. “You don’t look like you’re in love,” he added, gesturing to Alec and Magnus.

Magnus swallowed.

Alec cleared his throat.

“That’s because they aren’t,” Jace said suddenly, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. And that didn’t hurt Magnus, it just sent a pang of…of nostalgia and melancholy mixed together in a painful mix. And then he shoved the memories back and everything was fine. Perfectly fine.

Hodge sighed, the exhale going on and on and on until Magnus couldn’t not raise his eyebrows at it.

The well-dressed manager adjusted the cuffs of his suit, narrowing his eyes at Magnus and Alec. “If this is going to work, the point is to get your names out there, floating around. To actually get the media talking about you,” he explained in the tone of a patient parent talking to unruly children.

“Right,” Alec said, standing stiff, back straight. Magnus let his eyes wander over him quickly, he wore a black shirt and pants, combat boots. Anyone that knew him wouldn’t even guess he was in costume for the show already.

Hodge started circling them, looking them up and down. Everyone else stepped back out of his way. “That worked for the first month or so…decently,” he remarked. “But since then, you’ve done…nothing. A few pics posted online here and there. You need to do something big, make the fans notice. Make the gossip magazines notice.”

“Why not just break them up?” Isabelle suggested suddenly. Everyone turned to her, she had a hip cocked, hand resting on it, eyebrows raised but the rest of her face as blank as her monotone voice. “That will get them attention.”

Hodge sighed, running a hand over his face. “All in due time, Isabelle,” was what he said. “They have to appear to be in love, the media and fans must care, before they break up.”

Magnus couldn’t take it anymore, stepping away from Hodge and Alec, something briefly aching in his chest. He cleared his throat. “You have a plan?”

This was getting to be too much, Magnus realized. He didn’t even believe his own denial anymore. This — he didn’t know what to do with it because whether he admitted it or not, he’d gotten used to this, fallen into this gracelessly and happily. He…he _wanted_ this. Too much. He shouldn’t want it at all. But he was Magnus fucking Bane, he’d deal with it. It could never happen but he wasn’t going to lurk in denial anymore. He’d get through this and then when it was over, he’d just have to try harder than ever to — to move on. Get over Alec once and for all. That’s all.

The end.

“We’re going to redo this little meeting,” Hodge declared. “Film a fun, love filled video that Isabelle will post—”

“No,” Izzy snapped, folding her arms. Magnus came out of his own head long enough to register her glare. “I won’t have any part of this,” she said before turning and marching off. Lydia frowned and quickly followed after her to make sure she wouldn’t get lost.

There was a moment of stunned, awkward silence as everyone very obviously didn’t look at anyone else. Then Jace cleared his throat, “I’ll post it.”

Hodge nodded quick and firm. “Good, caption it something like lovebirds. Something cutesy.”

Jace nodded.

Magnus took a deep breath, listening to Hodge tell them what to do. It was an act, all just an act, he reminded himself. And it was cliché and stupid at that, but Hodge insisted and no one else complained. He had Magnus talking to Simon and Clary and then Alec call out for him again, only this time Magnus was supposed to look back at Alec with pure adoration on his face or something like that, then run to him like this was the end of some rom-com.

Luckily, while Magnus may not have been an actor, it wasn’t exactly hard to look at Alec with an adoring look on his face. In fact, it was far too easy.

Magnus managed to make it all the way until he was supposed to – as Jace eloquently put it – “throw your arms around him like you want to jump his bones”, and then he dissolved into giggles.

Really, they were lucky it’d taken him so long. There was nothing about this situation that was serious, everyone was acting so awkward and here was Magnus, throwing himself at Alec when he could barely look at him.

“Shh,” Alec whispered but there was a laugh in his voice, too. Magnus all but collapsed against him, unable to hold himself up, stomach cramping as he laughed.

“S-sorry,” he giggled.

***

Magnus’ face was way too close to Alec’s. Alec felt…strange. This was stupid, what was Hodge trying to do? They had that event the next night, wasn’t that enough? They’d get their pictures taken by the paparazzi that automatically were drawn to Magnus any day. What was the point of this?

Magnus had barely looked at him when he arrived and then suddenly he was staring at him with this…this _look_ on his face. This look like — like Alec was the only thing he could see and he was perfectly fine with that. And Alec had to remind himself it wasn’t real before his breath could hitch because it _wasn’t_ real. It was an act. They hated each other…

And then Magnus had thrown his arms around Alec — though it was more like he fell _into_ Alec— whole body shaking as he started laughing hysterically. Magnus tried, and failed, to smother the giggles in Alec’s shoulder, sending warm breath flowing against the side of Alec’s neck. He didn’t shiver. He definitely didn’t.

Three seconds passed with Alec frozen, heart pounding, not knowing what to do. Then he tried to shush Magnus only to end up laughing himself because what the hell were they doing? He suddenly realized why Hodge was an agent and manager, not a director.

“Don’t laugh,” Magnus said, giggles finally trailing off. “You’ll make me start again.”

Alec rolled his eyes, chuckling. The sound cut off when he glanced down to see Magnus staring up at him, eyes wide and bright as always, smile curling the corners of his mouth.

Alec swallowed hard. Magnus blinked.

Even though he tried to stop it, his mind couldn’t help but go to the past, bringing up things he’d rather never think about again. Alec quickly shoved the thoughts away, breaking eye contact with Magnus and staring at Hodge over his shoulder.

“We good?”

***

Magnus tapped away at his phone, checking on Chairman Meow who’d stayed behind with Raphael when Clary suddenly turned to him, pulling him to a stop. Alec had been called back to set and they were heading to find Lydia and Izzy again. Magnus glanced up as Clary grabbed his arm. Her eyes were narrowed and she was doing that wrinkle thing with her nose that she did when she was concerned.

“You okay?” she asked after searching Magnus’ eyes for a moment.

Magnus frowned. “Of course,” he said with his normal flair, doing great at pretending. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

Clary frowned, staring intently at him. “Because—”

“Magnus!”

Magnus glanced away, saved from answering by Isabelle. She was standing near the trailers and came running over in her heels when she saw Magnus. She stopped in front of him, biting her lip, eyes wide. “I’m sorry,” she said.

Magnus frowned once more, what was with everyone today? “For what?” he asked.

Isabelle mimicked his frown and then shrugged. “I know I haven’t…been the greatest over this…whole thing,” she finally said.

Magnus shrugged. “It’s a strange situation,” he said airily. “There’s nothing to apologize for dear.”

Isabelle still seemed uncertain, as did Clary, watching closely. They were interrupted before either could say anything however, joined by the vaguely familiar long haired man along with Lydia who was saying goodbye and heading to set.

Simon, standing a few feet away, was glaring, Magnus noticed before his attention was pulled to the long haired man.

“Magnus,” Isabelle said. “You remember Meliorn, right?”

Magnus could feel the lightbulb go off in his head, eyes falling on the striking long-haired man. He was an actor, Magnus remembered, who’d been on again, off again with Isabelle a few years before. He’d met the other man at a few events here and there.

“Yes, of course,” Magnus said, smiling and shaking Meliorn’s hand.

“He’s playing Alec’s love interest,” Isabelle explained, winking.

A knot formed in Magnus’ stomach suddenly, making it hard to keep smiling. “How…fun,” he finally said. Then shook his head. “And congrats, on the show.” Magnus didn’t often stumble over words so when he did it irritated him greatly.

They spent the rest of their tour following Isabelle and Meliorn whose arms were locked together. Isabelle threw her head back now and then, in an obvious laugh. Magnus walked next to Simon who glared the whole time, for some reason feeling like doing the same thing.

***

Magnus took the responsibility of renting a giant suite in the most expensive hotel near where they were filming – not far from the hotel the cast was staying in –, and invited everyone over for dinner that night.

Alec trailed along with Jace and Lydia when filming ended for the day. He was exhausted, muscles aching and tired in the best way. Honestly looking forward to spending some time with his sister and even Clary and Simon. Magnus…well, Alec was trying not to think of that.

The door to Magnus’ room was wide open, sounds of laughter and loud music coming from inside. Jace smirked, walking in first with Lydia right behind him.

“Who said you could start the party without me?” Jace called out.

Alec rolled his eyes before following his brother in. The suite was nice, and clearly expensive. There was a small kitchen area and then a wide living room that opened onto a giant balcony. A few chairs and couches filled the living room, pizza and Chinese food both already covered the small coffee table, spilling over to the floor. Isabelle and Magnus stood near a giant stereo, shouting at each other with smiles on their faces, while Clary and Simon were slumped close on the biggest couch, a carton of egg rolls between them.

Clary glanced up as they walked in, doing her wrinkled nose grin and waving. Simon also looked up, giving a very depressing wave before looking back down.

“What’s with him?” Alec wondered aloud.

Jace shrugged, moving towards the nearest pizza. “Who cares?”

Suddenly the screeching music cut off, Magnus’ voice filling its place. “Fine then, no music,” he said. “If we can’t agree then it’s silence!”

Isabelle glared at his back, sticking her tongue out.

Magnus whirled around, sticking his tongue out back at her and they both broke into wide grins. “Honestly woman,” Magnus said, moving around the living room. “I don’t know how you can still have such horrible taste in music, living with me for so long.”

Izzy just laughed, falling to the nearest couch next to Simon who abruptly stood up, moving quickly to grab a drink and sit next to Jace, whom he hated.

Alec frowned; everyone but Izzy watched the move intensely.

“Poor boy.” Magnus’ voice, in a whisper right next to Alec, made him jump, heart hammering.

“What?” he asked, turning to Magnus who was staring at Simon, twisting the rings on his fingers.

“I believe it’s your love interest causing him pain,” Magnus said simply, shrugging gracefully and moving towards the coffee table. “Hungry?”

Alec frowned. _Meliorn?_ What would he do to Simon? And then Alec’s gaze moved to Isabelle who was leaning close to Lydia, smiling. And it clicked. Of course, Simon loved Isabelle, Isabelle had a bad habit of getting back together with Meliorn over and over even though it clearly never worked. But it’d been years since the last time that had happened…

Alec snapped out of it, moving to grab a plate and some food. Magnus hummed softly next to him, piling his own plate. “Where’d the egg rolls go?” he asked, glancing up and glaring in Clary’s direction. Alec smirked as Clary hid the empty container behind her back.

“What?” she asked, all innocent voice and wide eyes.

Alec reached for the rice at the same time Magnus did, missing whatever he said to Clary next. Their hands brushed before Alec could pull back. They both jumped back like they’d been burned.

Everything froze for a moment, Alec’s breath hitching. And then…Magnus laughed, finishing loading his plate and moving to the free couch like nothing had happened.

Alec breathed out slowly through his nose. He needed to chill out.

***

A few short hours passed, Lydia and Jace filling them all in on filming with Alec offering a few things here and there. Everyone laughed and talked. Eventually the alcohol came out and everyone got louder. Jace and Izzy ending up in a wrestling match on the floor where Izzy proved she was still stronger than her brother.

Things calmed down eventually and Magnus was content to just sit back and watch. He’d been having fun – even while avidly avoiding Alec because really, it was for the best. He wasn’t sure what to do, how to act. Clary was talking to Lydia; Jace across from them unable to pull his gaze away once again, while Simon had relaxed, sitting next to Izzy, talking softly.

Magnus didn’t look over when Alec sat next to him, calmly sipping on his glass of wine. They sat stiffly for a few minutes, the room had grown quieter, everyone doing their own thing, music playing softly in the background. There was exactly five inches of space between where Alec sat and where Magnus sat. He couldn’t stop looking at those five inches from the corner of his eyes.

Alec sighed, leaning back and closer just the littlest bit. After a minute, Magnus followed suit.

Alec gestured to Simon and Izzy. “What’s going on there?” he whispered.

Magnus sighed, rolling his eyes. “Who knows at this point?” he asked. “Just when I think they’re finally going to get together…” he trailed off.

Alec nodded. “I really thought it would’ve happened by now.”

Magnus smirked. “Oh, it’s happened,” he replied, biting back a laugh when Alec went from confusion to disgust to anger in thirty seconds flat.

“You’re saying…” he said, pointing between Simon and Izzy who weren’t paying any attention. “They’ve…you know?”

Magnus swallowed another laugh with a sip of wine, nodding. “They’ve hooked up,” he said, shrugging. “A few times. Just you know, every once in a while. You can tell because Simon’s really happy afterward and if possible his heart eyes grow even brighter.”

Alec winced. “Can we talk about something besides my sister's love life?”

Magnus shrugged. “You started it,” he smirked. “Wanna make a bet on how long it takes them to actually get together? Admit they’re madly in love?”

Magnus made the mistake of meeting Alec’s eyes then, losing himself for a minute in endless hazel and long lashes. Everything about Alec was unfair, his height, his endless kindness, his face, but more than anything his eyes.

Magnus cleared his throat, forcing his gaze away but it wasn’t easy. “Fifty bucks says it happens by the end of the year,” he said, ignoring how his voice was just the slightest bit hoarse.

Alec coughed, shaking his head. “No way,” he said. “It’ll be another year or two. At least.”

Magnus held his hand out, breathing deep and even when Alec took it before dropping the handshake as quick as possible.

Sitting there, with all of them, Magnus could almost trick himself into thinking the last two years never happened, that this was how they’d always been. But a bad taste in the back of his mouth, an aching in his gut, reminded him that wasn’t true. That all of this was a lie. That the man sitting next to him wasn’t his friend or anything more than the guy who’d held and then crushed his heart. Magnus couldn’t breathe suddenly, couldn’t move, mind taken over by memories.

Endless nights like this one but instead of those five inches between them, they’d be pressed close, hands entwined, whispering to each other like no one else existed. Eventually, everyone else would get tired of watching them and make snide comments and leave. And then it would just be the two of them—

And then they’d break each other’s heart wide open in the most painful and slow way.

They just…weren’t meant to be, Magnus thought, not even surprised to feel the melancholy now. Everything that had happened…that was the universe telling them it just wasn’t meant to happen. That’s all. Magnus had tried to just shove it all away, for two years. Had thought he was over it and he was, he just had to remember this simple fact: he and Alec were not meant to be. Whether he wanted it or not.

Jace standing up suddenly pulled Magnus from his thoughts. Everyone turned to Jace, who rubbed the back of his neck, eyes focused on Clary, who was glaring. “Can we talk?” he finally spat out.

Clary’s eyes widened but eventually she nodded. Everyone watched in silence as the two of them headed out the door.

“Well,” Lydia said breaking the silence by standing and stretching. “I have to be on set early tomorrow so I think I’ll be leaving now.”

Isabelle stood, rubbing her stomach. “We’ll go down with you, I need to walk off that fourth slice,” she said, grabbing Simon’s hand and pulling him up with her.

And suddenly they were left alone.

***

Awkward silence was not strong enough to describe the atmosphere of the room after everyone else left. After a few minutes, Magnus stood up, gathering the trash and setting it on the small kitchen counter. Alec quickly got up to help him.

When they were done, they stood around awkwardly. Alec didn’t know what to do, should he leave? Talk? What would he even say?

Finally, Magnus sighed, heading out to the open balcony. Alec followed hesitating only for a minute.

Leaning over the railing, staring up at the dark night sky, the cool air filling his lungs, Alec finally said, “This was easier over the phone.”

Magnus snorted, nodding. “Yeah. It was, wasn’t it?”

Alec’s throat was dry, heart hammering. What were they doing? What should they be doing? What could they even talk about? It’d been so simple, over the phone. They’d talked about Magnus’ music and Alec’s filming, about Chairman Meow and the fucking weather. And now? Nothing. Alec had no words whatsoever.

Everything was too…too eerily similar to the way things had once been. Talking on the phone. Hanging out with everyone. And now…now it was painfully clear that this wasn’t two years ago. This wasn’t before everything that had happened, happened. And it _had_ happened. It was real. Everything they’d felt. Everything they’d done… It still happened, it still _mattered_. No matter what.

So Alec did what he always did best and blurted out the first thing to pop into his head. “Play me a song.”

***

Magnus didn’t know when this started before, how it started. Alec wasn’t exactly a music guru. He knew some but not much. Most of it, Magnus had to teach him. But at some point, Alec had become the person Magnus played his music for before anyone else. Whenever he was stuck, whenever he was doubting something or when he was extremely proud of something new. He played Alec songs that weren’t complete, stuff he hated because he couldn’t get it right and would never in a million years play for anyone else.

At some point, it just became this thing they did. And it always started the same. With Alec saying those words. Magnus never knew why he said them when he did, sometimes he knew Magnus was struggling but other times…

Magnus shook his head, staring up at Alec. He thought this was probably a terrible idea but it wasn’t really any different than what they’d been doing on the phone, was it? So he said, “Okay,” more of a breath than a word and headed back into the suite.

He crossed to one of the bedrooms, grabbing his guitar. He never went anywhere without at least one instrument. When he came back out, Alec was sitting on one of the couches, twiddling his thumbs.

Magnus hesitated a moment, thinking before sitting next to him, making sure to keep the same five inches between him. Magnus rested his guitar in his lap, letting his fingers run across it, getting accustomed to it.

He played a few notes before pausing to tune it. Humming under his breath all the while. Magnus could feel Alec looking at him and knew it was just because there was nowhere else to look but wouldn’t look back, staring at his guitar and trying to think.

The air grew thicker, suffocating him. When he was happy the guitar was in tune he finally glanced up. Alec’s gaze bounced away. “What should I play?” Magnus asked, happy that his voice came out in a normal tone.

Alec cleared his throat, shrugging. “Something new?” he suggested and Magnus hated how the perfect song came to mind. He almost convinced himself not to and then Alec’s gaze met his again and Magnus’ fingers started moving on the guitar without thought.

This is how it always went, before. They sat there and Magnus played something over and over again and Alec would tell him what he liked, what felt weird. Magnus would tell him what he didn’t like and go on and on about what the song was supposed to say, supposed to mean and somehow, by the end of it, he’d have a perfect song. Like…magic.

Magnus cleared his throat, glancing away again. This song wasn’t complete; he hadn’t played it for anyone but himself, going over it again and again. He hadn’t even mentioned it to Alec, over the phone. But, as he started singing softly, all the right words fell into place and suddenly something snapped, clicking together in Magnus’ mind.

His muse. Why he was writing. And he couldn’t breathe. Didn’t know how he was still playing, still singing. Alec staring at him carefully, considering.

Alec was—

“Alec, we should go.” The door opened and Jace stormed in quickly. He grabbed his jacket where he’d left it as Magnus’ fingers stilled and Alec’s gaze jumped between Jace and him.

Jace turned around, face set in an expression of anger and possibly hurt. “ _Now_ , Alec,” he said.

And Alec, like the good brother he was, jumped to his feet. “Yeah, okay,” he said, moving to grab his own jacket. “Are you okay?”

“Aces,” Jace said, quickly moving back out the door.

Alec turned to Magnus. “I—”

Shouting could be heard from the hallway and then a second later, Clary came storming in, slamming the door behind her.

“You should go,” Magnus said, brushing off whatever he’d been thinking, feeling. He set the guitar aside, eyes watching Clary head to the bathroom after giving them a tight smile.

“Yeah,” Alec breathed out. He was halfway out the door when he paused. “I liked the song,” he said and then left.

Magnus breathed out deeply, ignoring his shaking hands.

***

It was official, Jace was an idiot. “You said what to her?” Alec demanded as they slipped into the back of the car that was taking them back to their rooms.

Jace groaned, hiding his head in his hands. “Everything just gets messed up when she’s around and I don’t know what to do or say.”

“Jace,” Alec said, all serious. He waited for his brother to look up before continuing. “I may not have a lot of experience in this kind of thing, but even I know you don’t tell someone you like that you’ll date them as long as you can still sleep with other people.”

Jace hung his head, grimacing. “I knooow,” he moaned.

“And why would you want that anyway?” Alec demanded, honestly angry with his brother. Jace had been in love with Clary since they met, years ago and Alec had watched him fuck it up again and again, hide from it for reasons Alec had never understood. Over and over it’d seemed like he’d finally gotten it together only to mess up again.

Alec honestly didn’t know why Clary gave him the time of day anymore. Besides, he thought, the fact that she stupidly loved him too. “Is that really what you want? I mean you haven’t even looked at another girl in months.”

“I knooow,” Jace repeated, shaking his head. He clenched his fists. “That’s not what I want, I just…I don’t know how to have what I want. How to be a boyfriend…she deserves more than me.”

Part of Alec wanted to agree but that was just the small part that had grown close to Clary and knew she was amazing and deserved to be treated better than Jace treated her. But a bigger part called bullshit.

“Bullshit,” Alec said. Jace turned to him, shocked. “You’re a piece of shit sometimes, Jace, you’re horrible about emoting and you’re a jackass. And you don’t treat Clary the way she deserves, because you won’t even give her a chance — give yourself a chance. But you also care a lot about everyone. You’re dedicated to the people you care about and you’re good at your job and if you just got your act together,” Alec said, voice raising slightly. “You would be someone she deserves.”

Jace looked torn between crying and punching Alec. Which was fine with Alec, he could handle being punched by Jace as long as he would finally start listening to what everyone had been telling him for years.

Jace let out a deep breath, shaking his head. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore,” he said, slumping against the window.

Alec didn’t say anything, but he was a little disappointed in his brother. Jace could find happiness with Clary, why wouldn’t he want that? Who wouldn’t want something like that?

***

Clary eventually came out of the bathroom. Isabelle and Simon were already back from their walk and Magnus had decided not to ask what brought about the hurt and angry looks on their faces. It seemed everyone was having a lovely night.

As Clary wandered out of the bathroom, hair wet, dressed in the hotel robe, Magnus clapped his hands together. “Okay, clearly we need a distraction, a little pick me up,” he declared, ushering everyone towards the biggest of the three bedrooms in the suite.

“What are we doing?” Clary asked, voice low and raw like she’d been crying.

Magnus threw an arm around her shoulders, pushing back his own memories of the night, his realization that Raphael was right; Alec was at least part of the reason Magnus was suddenly writing again and he had no idea what to do with that.

“We, my dear,” Magnus said. forcing his voice cheerful. “Are going to watch Mamma Mia.”

***

Alec couldn’t fall asleep that night. Every time he closed his eyes, he pictured Magnus, eyes closed, guitar in his lap. Singing in his low, sinful voice. And every time Alec pictured that he opened his eyes, forcing the memories away. It was a long night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I said this update was coming sooner but you know, life, NaNoWriMo, beta lives. NOW I'm going to do everything I can to get back to a regular schedule though starting with chapter 12 next week! (I'll also be posting part two of my short Addicted To You fic soon and super secret Christmas related things!)
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this, I love you all! Your comments and messages and everything get me through the day, so thank you! <3<3<3
> 
> Yell at me on [Tumblr @imawriteriwrite](http://imawriteriwrite.tumblr.com/)!! Comments, yells, kudos, it all gives me life and fuel to write!


	12. Lying To The Mirror

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec and Magnus attend an event together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout out to my amazing betas! And @fangirlbussiness who helps keep me sane and was the first person to read certain parts of this chapter. <3
> 
> Title from Lying To The Mirror by Gabrielle Aplin  
> "We're all lying to the mirror,  
> Lying to ourselves,  
> Hiding in the glitter,  
> Lying to the mirror."

Magnus hung out around set for three days. Most of them were spent with Clary and Izzy exploring the city, which was good because it made it easier for Alec to concentrate. The rest was spent in one of the hotel rooms, watching movies and hanging out.

Then came the night of the charity event which was Hodge’s big plan all along. Sure, posting the video and cute selfies on social media had garnered the lowest gossip sites and made their fans freak out but this was where they’d actually make headlines — according to Hodge.

Alec knew Hodge was right sometimes, but honestly, he didn’t completely see how this was a big deal. Maybe at first, but now they’d been “dating” for three months and, with both their busy schedules, they’d barely done anything. How was this supposed to help their careers? When Alec had finally mentioned it to Hodge the night before, his manager had replied simply that this wasn’t a one and done deal, it was a long process.

Alec didn’t fail to notice Hodge’s sly questions about Magnus’ album either and couldn’t help but wonder just what the man was planning and whether Alec really wanted to go through with it or not. Surely they could call it off at any moment? The media had all but forgotten about them over the last month. Would they even notice if they just…called it off?

Alec swallowed dryly as he dressed, mind spinning. They’d flown into New York early that morning. Alec and Jace had a few days off but they’d only be staying the night. It wasn’t ideal, he’d rather spend his precious few free days relaxing, but at least Jace and Izzy would be there. Unfortunately, so would their parents.

The charity event was held in a big ballroom downtown; it was a big event, hundreds of celebrities coming out to support it and raise money for cancer research. A bunch of different musicians would perform, including Magnus.

Alec hadn’t seen Magnus perform in…a long time.

Hodge was waiting down in the lobby when the elevator opened for Jace, Alec, and Izzy. Alec knocked Isabelle’s hands away as she tried to readjust his shirt and fix his hair again.

“It’s fine, Izzy,” he said for the millionth time.

Izzy pouted, giving him her best puppy eyes. “Please, I’m just trying to help.”

Alec sighed but dropped his hands, letting Isabelle step forward, unbutton the top three buttons on his dark shirt and tousle his hair. She worked quickly, stopping to lean back and look him over before grabbing her giant purse and pulling out one of Alec’s nice jackets. “Put this on,” she said, shaking it out and handing it to him.

Alec raised his eyebrows as Jace watched with a grin on his face. “First of all,” Alec started, slipping the dark blue jacket on nonetheless. “I thought you okayed my outfit. And secondly, how’d you fit that in there?”

Isabelle grinned. “I did but I changed my mind, it looks better with the jacket,” she said, then winked. “And it’s magic.”

Alec rolled his eyes, straightening the jacket before looking back to Izzy for approval. She nodded, grinning widely.

Alec shook his head and finally approached Hodge, who was watching with a fond smile on his face. Now he grew serious, meeting Alec’s eyes head on. “I’ve arranged for two cars,” he said. “One will take Jace and Izzy over to the hotel where the event is being held, there they’ll meet your parents. The other car will take you to pick up Magnus and then to the event.”

Alec frowned. “Why—” he started but Hodge cut in before he could finish.

“ _Because_ ,” Hodge said firmly, glancing away from Alec to check his phone. “You need to appear to be a real couple. Being seen around together will help. But you must act like you’re together, no glaring at each other all night. Convince people.”

Alec’s heart beat slow and hard, sweat beaded on his temples and he didn’t understand why he was having the reaction he was. He licked his lips. “Convince people what exactly?” he asked.

Hodge paused typing on his iPhone, meeting Alec’s eyes again. “Convince me, convince _everyone_ , that those pictures you posted and that video you posted, what they saw in those, is real. Convince them that Magnus visited you on set because he just couldn’t stand being away from you.”

Alec’s heart pounded, and he had to force himself not to look away as Hodge finished typing on his phone and slipped it away.

“Put simply,” Hodge said. “Convince them you’re in love.”

Alec couldn’t help but blurt out, “Why?”

Hodge raised an eyebrow, shrugging. “Everyone loves a love story, Alec.”

***

Magnus had many reasons to be nervous. He’d known about this event for months of course, had been agonizing and planning for it. Had written a song with help from Tessa and Ragnor specifically for the event — he would play it for the first time that night and then it would go up for download, with every penny of the profits being donated along with Magnus’ own donation. He’d been planning this but he was still nervous, it’d be his first time performing a new song in…too long. And Alec would be there. That was another reason to be nervous because it wasn’t part of the original plan.

There were many very good and logical reasons the great Magnus Bane had to be nervous but there wasn’t one logical explanation as to why his nerves went away when he opened the door for Alec.

And as soon as they left they were replaced with a new anxiety because it shouldn’t be happening. Magnus needed to get control of himself, he needed to protect himself before he let something stupid happen, let his feelings return or…or who knew what else. He needed to stop it before it started, before his heart realized it was still together enough to break once more.

Magnus pushed it all away, eyes raking over Alec in his doorway quickly. Alec wore a dark blue suit that fit him far too good, a black button up underneath, the top three buttons undone in a way that was simply not fair. People could die because of that little bit of exposed Alec. Not that Magnus was thinking about that.

Magnus forced himself to look past Alec — even his hair looked better than usual, still messy but in an ‘I did this on purpose way’.

“Where are the others?” Magnus asked, stepping out of his apartment that he’d been in just long enough to take a nap and prepare for the night.

“Izzy and Jace went ahead” Alec replied.

Magnus nodded but didn’t say anything. He was honestly a mess and he hated it. He was dressed in a simple all black suit, hair spiked with pink streaks for the occasion, makeup flawless but he felt…unhinged.

They stared at each other for a moment before Magnus glanced away, clearing his throat. “We should go,” he said, stepping around Alec out the door, shutting it behind him.

“Right.”

His nerves may have disappeared but, the entire silent ride down the elevator, Magnus was wishing desperately for them to return. Anything to distract him from everything filling his mind and the anxiety tying his stomach into knots for all the wrong reasons. He reminded himself he should be excited for this performance, it was for a good cause. Also, he’d been writing. He should be happy.

So why wasn’t he?

***

Alec sat stiffly in his seat in the middle of the giant theater, watching a few performances, listening to the speakers, but he was distracted and knew it. Every time someone new came out, Alec held his breath. He didn’t know for sure when Magnus would be on and there was this strange…apprehension in his gut every time someone came out.

Jace and Izzy had seats further away, somewhere in the back with their parents, while Alec would be sitting with Magnus. After Magnus performed.

Alec swallowed.

He kept finding his leg bouncing and knew he had to be annoying the person sitting next to him — the lights were just bright enough to make out faces all around him but he wasn’t paying any attention so had no idea what famous people might be sitting near him. He kept stopping himself from fidgeting only to find himself doing something else. Stopped bouncing his leg only to start tapping his foot. Stopped tapping his foot only to drum his fingers on his thigh.

Finally, the presenter announced that Magnus Bane would be performing a brand new song for the occasion and Alec found himself standing quickly, excusing himself past his seat mates and heading to the bathroom.

He locked himself in a stall, leaning back against the wall and breathing heavily. He stayed there for nearly twenty minutes, eyes screwed shut tight, and then made his way back to his seat before Magnus could realize he’d ever left.

The whole time, standing in the bathroom, he tried to figure out what he was doing; why he’d panicked; why he was reacting this way — palms sweating, breath coming fast — but he had no good explanation, he just… He’d sat there, thinking over and over again about seeing Magnus perform and, for some reason, he just _couldn’t_.

***

After Magnus performed, he’d changed quickly before taking the seat next to Alec where they were very careful not to touch. Their hands bumped and they moved them away. When one of the cameras would focus on them, they’d lean close, occasionally sharing a longing glance, then move away. Their knees bumped and they practically scrambled to move further apart.

Magnus spent the rest of the event unable to concentrate which made him feel horrible. It wasn’t really his fault, though, when he was overly aware of…everything Alec related.

Then came the afterparty. Magnus realized quickly that it was hard to convince people you were in love when you could barely look at each other and were being so careful not to touch. Isabelle and Jace disappeared quickly — not that Magnus could blame them, he wouldn’t want to be stuck with his and Alec’s awkwardness either, if given the choice.

Magnus was going to be the death of himself with his ricocheting thoughts. One moment trying to accept what he was…feeling. The next, adamantly against it. At this point he didn’t know what he felt, what he wanted. He didn’t…he didn’t know anything except that he had to get away from Alec soon, stop this, or he was going to explode.

“Are you okay?” Alec asked in a whisper.

Magnus was definitely not okay. He screwed his eyes shut, breathing deeply. He was hot, too hot, couldn’t breathe right and when he opened his eyes Alec was way too close to him. No, he was not okay, not okay at all.

Sipping his champagne, Magnus nodded. “I’m fine.”

He avoided Alec’s searching gaze, noting how close he stood. The perfect amount if they were in love, way too close for Magnus’ current state. He quickly swallowed the rest of his champagne.

This whole night, this whole week was just…too much. Magnus didn’t know what to do with any of it or the feeling growing stronger and stronger, becoming harder to ignore, taking over him. He was honestly scarily desperate to get back home to L.A., to his bed and his cat, where he could drown himself in music and just pretend everything was as simple as it used to be. Right now, all his memories were too close to the surface, everything was too real.

The afterparty took place in a wide-open ballroom, soft music played in the background, and celebrities were everywhere along with cameramen. There was a buffet table off to the side but Magnus’ stomach was in too many knots he didn’t want to even try to unravel to consider eating. Another table held things to bid on, there’d be an auction where all the profits would be donated. The best part by far was the servers circulating with more champagne.

Magnus was just reaching out for a new glass from a passing waiter when he spotted something that made everything else feel like a walk in the park. Forgetting the champagne, Magnus quickly turned to Alec, stepping closer until they were just a hair away from touching.

Alec had been leaning back casually against the wall, watching everyone around them but when Magnus moved, he went stiff.

Turning his wide, confused eyes down on Magnus, Alec frowned.

Magnus bent his head close, ignoring his pounding heart and Alec’s stuttering breath.

“Code red,” Magnus muttered, before throwing his head back and laughing.

***

Alec was finding it hard to breathe with Magnus so close – when was the last time he was this close to Magnus? He couldn’t remember. He was afraid to remember actually, because he was sure that memory didn’t end anywhere good.

Alec quickly forced a wide smile to his face, channeling all his skills as an actor to look natural. He moved a hand to Magnus’ hip without thinking and thought that maybe he heard a stutter in Magnus’ laugh but it happened so fast he couldn’t be sure.

Alec’s hand burned where it touched Magnus and for a moment it was the only thing he could think about. How long had it been since he could so casually touch Magnus? A wave of grief came crashing over him as he drowned in the memory of how it used to feel, being with Magnus. Even when they weren’t touching, were just…standing near each other. That moment Magnus would walk into a room and Alec’s heartbeat would triple and he wouldn’t be able to pull his gaze away, wouldn’t want to.

And then there she was, popping his bubble of a memory; Camille Belcourt in all her evil, stunning glory.

Alec had hated Camille since the first time he saw her, long before he and Magnus even vaguely knew each other. He’d hated working with her and he’d hated her even more when he met Magnus — Magnus, this loud, amazing, beautiful person who was with her. Before Alec even knew to be jealous he hated her because instead of loving Magnus for everything he was, she made him fade, become less so she seemed to be more. When Magnus was with Camille, Camille dimmed all that was Magnus.

They’d, thankfully, broken up not long after Alec met Magnus, but of course that was horrible and dragged out in every gossip magazine. Over the years, Alec had seen Camille off and on, she’d always tried to stir up trouble. Then there were those pictures, while he and Magnus were —

Alec cut off his thoughts before the anger stirring to life in his stomach could be fueled even more.

Camille smirked, clearing her throat until Magnus glanced over.

“Oh, sorry Satan, didn’t see you there.”

Alec was caught off guard by Magnus’ words, snorting with laughter that he quickly tried to stifle in Magnus’ shoulder.

Magnus froze against him for a moment before melting. Alec’s laughter cut off abruptly but he didn’t pull back immediately. Magnus was so warm, so… _alive_ ; Alec could feel his heartbeat racing.

Camille’s smile hadn’t faltered, if anything it grew more dangerous. “Haven’t we been here before,” she said, a maniacal twinkle to her eyes.

Alec pulled back slowly, just a bit, moving his head from Magnus’ shoulder, giving them breathing room as his heart tried to escape.

 “The two of you…fooling yourselves into thinking you’re meant to be and me…just waiting on the sidelines?” Camille smirked.

Magnus stiffened against Alec and Alec — Alec _hated_ Camille for the way Magnus’ eyes dimmed. Without thinking, Alec moved his other hand to Magnus’ waist, pulling him closer than ever.

Alec said, steel in his voice that was echoed in his eyes, “You may be used to getting your way, Camille, you may have even had a hand in our past, but I assure you, there’s no place for you in our future.”

Camille’s smile faltered for a moment at the certainty in his voice, then she smirked and waltzed off. Magnus waved amusedly after her.

Within seconds, Magnus had pulled away from Alec, heading in the opposite direction. “I’m gonna get a drink, want anything?” he called over his shoulder, not pausing to hear Alec’s reply.

Alec was left with his own heart racing and skin burning.

***

Magnus spent the rest of the night mingling, keeping a safe but not obvious distance from Alec. He touched Alec here and there, posed for a few pictures but he made sure not to be remotely alone with him, pulling him from one person to another until it was a respectable time to leave without seeming rude.

Magnus tossed and turned most of the night, alone in his apartment. Izzy was staying at her place with Alec and Jace. Simon and Clary were with Luke and Jocelyn, and Magnus quickly regretted not going there himself. He kept hearing Alec’s voice, talking to Camille, saying “our future” so casually yet so seriously, not a doubt in his voice.

Alec had always been a great actor, Magnus reminded himself, struggling not to be bitter because there was no reason to be bitter. Things had happened, it’d all happened and it was over and it was too late, it shouldn’t matter anymore. Magnus…

He groaned, turning over in bed, burying his head in the pillow. Magnus should hate Alec and everything that had happened. He should hate the situation — which he did, to a point. And he shouldn’t care about anything. But…but — _but_ Magnus had never stopped feeling things for Alec, since the moment they met. He’d just gotten good at lying to himself and he wasn’t sure he could do that for much longer, that he wanted to.

That wasn’t to say he wanted to get back together with Alec…that was destined to be a disaster, it was just to say that…that Magnus had loved him and even when you wanted to, you couldn’t just stop having that level of feeling for someone. He’d just…be all business with Alec and they could—could finally end this, have closure or something. Even if Magnus was confused, even if those old feelings were coming up again, he wouldn’t let it mean anything. It couldn’t mean anything…it didn’t.

By the time Magnus drifted off, he was finding it hard to tell when he was lying to himself and what the truth was.

He got up early enough to go to Luke and Jocelyn’s for breakfast before their early flight. Magnus had to get back to work and Clary and Izzy were set to start filming the music video gig they’d landed the next week so they needed to be back in L.A., too. Alec and Jace were also flying out just half an hour after them, heading back to set.

Magnus managed to keep Alec out of his mind until he arrived at the airport, weak with jetlag.

Magnus stumbled over to Alec where he stood watching Jace and Izzy argue a few feet away, a smirk curving up his full lips. Alec glanced over as Magnus stopped next to him, smile widening. “You look like hell,” he said.

“Thanks,” Magnus replied dryly. He knew he looked like shit, too little sleep, too much thinking. Sure, most of it was hidden by his perfect makeup and amazing outfit but that only went so far for his strained eyes and overall posture that was less than fabulous.

Alec smirked, handing over a cup of coffee.

Magnus smiled, suddenly feeling lighter. “My hero,” he murmured, grabbing the piping hot cup. Even a home cooked breakfast wasn’t quite worth his sleepless night and early morning but more coffee could only make things better.

Alec had turned his attention fully to Magnus now, looking him over slowly before inclining his head. “Couldn’t sleep?” he asked. Magnus shrugged, sipping the perfectly sweet coffee. “Miss Chairman?”

Magnus sighed, nodding.

“You and your cat have an unhealthy relationship,” Alec observed.

Magnus smirked. “No, Raphael and my cat have an unhealthy relationship,” he paused, inclined his head. “Raphael and I have an unhealthy relationship — in fact the only healthy relationship Raphael has is with his own scowl. But Chairman and I?” Magnus said, grinning. “Our love is pure.”

Alec shook his head, laughing his scarce free laugh, the one he only gave occasionally, uninhibited and beautiful.

Magnus caught himself staring and grinning, chuckling back lightly even though he didn’t really feel like laughing as he glanced away. He only had a moment’s warning as Alec’s laugh cut off and his eyes widened, locked on something over Magnus’ shoulder.

“Wha—”

Alec moved quickly, they were just standing there, a good foot between them as they laughed, then Alec stepped forward. And then there was one hand on Magnus’ hip and the other on his cheek and Magnus stopped laughing, stopped breathing and then they were kissing for the first time in more than two years.

***

Alec had just reacted. Without thinking. Absolutely zero thinking. Not something he was used to doing. Something he always, _always_ regretted.

But his eyes had locked on the paparazzi grinning over at them, raising his camera and Alec had just…reacted, Hodge’s words coming back to him and then… and then he was kissing Magnus. Magnus who was probably — no definitely — the only person Alec had ever been in love with. Magnus, who’d broken Alec’s heart. Magnus, who he hadn’t kissed in over two years.

It was achingly familiar. Magnus’ lips warm and so soft against his own. Alec’s heart stuttered as their lips first met and it was like he fell back in time on a wave of remembered emotions.

Magnus had frozen for a second, shocked, breath hitching and then — and then…he’d melted into Alec and it was too much like every one of a million times they’d kissed. And yet, completely different and strange and new because of everything that had happened since the last kiss. But unlike then, when he knew Magnus’ lips as well as his own, Alec’s mind didn’t empty out, he didn’t sink into the kiss and forget everything else.

Nope, instead his heart beat wild and unrestrained, _painfully_ in his chest, searching for escape from the agony. And his mind spun even as he continued to kiss Magnus. It didn’t last long, or it lasted too long, their lips brushing softly and carefully but—but full of _something_. And then Alec couldn’t take it anymore, he felt like he was going to die and was no longer sure if it was in a good way or a bad way and he just—

Alec forced himself to pull back, heart aching in a way he’d never felt before, a vivid and real pain right in his chest, strangling him as his pulse raced. Magnus was so warm and real and alive, so Magnus, against him; chasing after his lips.

Alec’s thoughts flew through his mind and he just stood there, their foreheads resting together for a minute before opening his eyes and pulling back enough to _breathe_.

Magnus stared up at him, mouth hanging up, eyes wide like he couldn’t believe what had just happened.

Alec’s mouth was dry as he swallowed over and over. He couldn’t feel his heart anymore, didn’t know if it was racing or — or just gone completely.

Alec opened his mouth at the same time Magnus blinked, shaking his head to clear it. They spoke at the same time, Magnus’ voice was low and — and _wrecked_. Alec’s was stiff and emotionless.

“Paparazzi.”

 _“Alexander._ ”

And then Alec couldn’t breathe because he hadn’t heard his full name said like _that_ , said by Magnus, is so long and yup, his heart was still there, beating out its most painful pattern as Magnus’ eyes dimmed, face losing all emotion, shutting down right in front of Alec when, no, Alec didn’t want that.

Alec finally remembered to breathe and air rushed in through his lungs.

“Magnus,” Alec started. Magnus blinked at him, expression blank.

But Alec just shook his head, because of course that’s what he wanted, this meant nothing. Nothing.

Alec tried to tell himself it didn’t hurt, didn’t feel like he was dying the most painful death when Magnus stepped away, leaving Alec to drop his hands to his sides. Magnus left without a backward glance. But if this was what Alec wanted… Why did Alec’s heart feel like it’d been ripped out and then shoved right back in, all messed up? Why couldn’t he _breathe_?

***

Magnus…was lost. He knew exactly where he was, standing in line to board the plane, but he had no idea what he was doing. Had he actually thought, even for a moment, that…that kiss, could’ve been real? He was so stupid, letting himself…letting himself feel things again. He was supposed to have stopped all that, cut himself off from everything. From Alec. From emotions of any kind. From any pang of love because he was— he was just done with that. He was over it, he couldn’t do it anymore. He couldn’t find someone to give his heart to, to fall for so completely and just…have it thrown back in his face, beaten and bleeding and bruised. He couldn’t do it anymore. He didn’t want to. What was the point when Magnus had felt love enough to know he’d never have a greater one?

So what was he doing? He was supposed to be done with it all. He was fine alone. He had a life he loved and it was great. At least he didn’t have to feel like this anymore. He wasn’t supposed to feel like this anymore, he thought as his eyes started to burn. Like his heart was being yanked from his chest; like he’d die from the pain; like he couldn’t breathe when he was around Alec but he couldn’t breathe away from him either.

And of course, of _course_ it didn’t matter. It wasn’t _real_. Or it was, but only for Magnus.

He forced a smile when Isabelle said a joke he forgot two seconds later; nodded when Clary asked if he was okay, and made some snide remark when Sherwin said something but Magnus’ heart wasn’t in it. Magnus’ heart wasn’t in anything.

Clary stared at him for a moment as they waited to board and then she just stepped forward, throwing her arms around Magnus and squeezing him tight.

Magnus closed his eyes against the tears, squeezing Clary back, not letting go until the imminent urge to cry had passed. Clary’s arms were all that held him together for a moment but it was enough.

They didn’t say anything when they pulled apart, Magnus didn’t want to talk. He didn’t want to think. He just…he just wanted a cup of tea and a warm blanket and Chairman Meow. Oh, and to go back to three months before any of this started and stop it from ever happening. Even if it meant he never wrote another word — that would be perfectly fine with Magnus.

They were seated on the plane — in first class of course — before Magnus knew it. He wasn’t sure what he currently hated more about how he was acting, the pitiful person he currently was, leaning against the window, staring out and seeing nothing. Or the way he’d just walked away from Alec, not even bothering to hide anything of what he was feeling, not trying to cover it up…

Or even better, he thought bitterly, the way his mind had gone blank when Alec kissed him. The way everything he’d been thinking and feeling and trying not to feel just came roaring in, taking over everything. The way he’d loved kissing Alec, craved more during it…

Magnus shook his head, disgusted with himself. His heart ached. It shouldn’t have ached. He didn’t want it to. He didn’t want to still want Alec. He wanted to hate him, like any sane person would've after everything that happened. He wanted to feel for Alec what he felt for Camille these days: nothing except sometimes contempt. But …that was also the last thing he wanted because it was Alec. It was—

“Magnus,” Isabelle whispered, leaning around Clary who sat next to him and touching his arm lightly. “Are you okay?”

Magnus breathed deeply, thankful only that he was currently such a mess he was way past being able to cry over this. He nodded a jerky motion, glancing at her only for a second to see the sympathy and worry written plainly across her face before going back to staring out the window.

Magnus could feel Clary and Isabelle, and even Simon who sat behind them, worrying about him, hear them whispering softly to each other as the plane took off.

Magnus closed his eyes, leaning against the window. It was just…for one second there, he’d tricked himself. Fooled himself into thinking that maybe…maybe it was just timing, before. Maybe it wasn’t the universe telling them they weren’t meant to be but just bad timing. Maybe Alec hadn’t stopped feeling anything for him. Maybe…

Magnus shook his head and felt like crying and slapping himself at the same time because for a small, half a second, when their breath was mixing and he could feel Alec’s heart racing, he’d almost thought that maybe, just maybe, they could try again.

Magnus spent the whole flight in a strange place between wakefulness and sleeping and it was the worst place he could possibly be because it was filled with memories. Memories of that last day when it was like…he knew the second Alec came out of the bedroom that morning, fully clothed, rubbing the back of his neck and not looking at Magnus. It was like…he’d known for weeks leading up to that moment, they both had. That this was where it was heading, it was the only place for it to go after the fight the night before where they’d both stopped just before it went too far.

They’d slept in the same bed that night but Magnus had never felt more alone and that morning… He’d tried to pretend he didn’t know where it was going, tried to pretend Alec wouldn’t do it, he wouldn’t really break up with him. They were going through a rough patch with everything that had happened recently, one thing after another, and they were drifting but they could fix this, couldn’t they? Even after everything they’d done to each other. They could fix it now that they were in the same room, the same state. They could _fix_ it.

Magnus wanted to fight as soon as Alec walked into the kitchen. He even had his shoes on — Magnus had seen that and opened his mouth, intending to jump right back into what they’d been fighting about the night before but nothing had come out and Alec had just stood there, so quiet, not meeting his gaze, not looking up. Just…stood there.

Magnus had known what was coming but couldn’t stop it, like it had already happened, like this had been coming for months and they both knew it and there was no way to stop it. He even thought, convinced himself, that he wanted it to happen, didn’t want to stop it. It’d be easier then, right? And the pain…it would eventually go away.

Finally, Alec had looked up at him, eyes dim, mouth turned down in a frown. Magnus had held his gaze, steeling his heart against…everything. Reminding himself it’d been coming for a long time now, that he’d done and said things and Alec had done and said things…this was just the inevitable end.

Alec finally opened his mouth, no sugar coating with him. “We can’t do this anymore. I can’t… I _can’t_ keep doing this.”

Magnus hadn’t really been there, in that moment, it was like he was already away from it, like it wasn’t real and all he said was; “Yeah.” And then: “I guess this is it.”

They’d looked away at the same time and then…Alec was gone.

“Magnus?” Clary’s soft voice woke him from his not quite sleep as the plane landed. “We’re home,” she offered with a small smile when he opened his eyes.

He forced a grin. “Good, I’m positively famished.” He just needed a good night's sleep, to help get everything into perspective. To forget.

***

As soon as Alec’s flight landed, he headed straight to the gym. Jace must’ve called Raj — their trainer — because he was there when Alec arrived.

Alec didn’t say anything, launching into his normal routine but harder, faster, only pausing long enough to stretch so he wouldn’t get yelled at. Somewhere between the weights and running on the treadmill, Raj gripped his arm tightly, forcing him to stop.

Alec, breathing heavily, looked up through sweat dampened hair. “That’s enough,” Raj said firmly, glaring at Alec.

“What?” he snapped back.

Raj shook his head, reaching over to turn the treadmill off. “You’re done for the day, and don’t come back tomorrow unless you have _this_ ,” he said with a pointed look, gesturing to all of Alec. “Under control.”

Raj stepped back, arm held out and clearly gesturing for Alec to leave.

The anger that had been pooling in Alec’s gut erupted but Alec was well trained in schooling and hiding his emotions so he pushed it back down, pushing past Raj out of the gym.

Alec jogged back to the hotel, it was more of a flat run and he circled the building twice but that did nothing to cool the anger, to make his emotions go away.

He took the stairs to his floor, collapsing against the door once he was safely in his room and ignoring Jace when he came knocking two seconds later.

Alec was breathing hard and he couldn’t stop, couldn’t get it under control. He leaned his head down between his knees, breathing in raggedly through his nose and out his mouth, ignoring the thoughts poking at his head. Ignoring…everything.

He couldn’t do this. He needed…he needed…

Alec shook his head roughly, pushing to his feet. He took an ice cold shower, the water pounding against him, drowning out his thoughts that were too frantic, too loud when he just wanted calm and silence.

Alec felt moderately calmer when he got out of the shower nearly an hour later. He just needed to calm down, control himself. It was fine. Everything was fine.

Alec unconsciously picked up his phone, pulling up Magnus number. His heart pounded as he typed out a simple message asking how his flight was. He hit send and watched and watched and watched. Eventually, the delivered message turned to “read” but he never got a reply.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so, so sorry.
> 
> Yell at me on [Tumblr @imawriteriwrite](http://imawriteriwrite.tumblr.com/)!
> 
> Next chapter next week. I love you all for sticking with me, and commenting, and talking to me on tumblr, you are the literal best. If you stick it out just a bit longer I promise it will be worth it, there will be fluff!  
> <3<3<3<3
> 
> ps. I've had questions about the length of the fic, it should be around 25 to 30 chapters!


	13. All for Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus and Alec deal with the aftermath of THE KISS.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout out to my amazing betas who I love dearly! <3
> 
> Title from All For Love by Lady Antebellum

A few days passed after the charity event and Magnus lost himself in his music. He wrote. He perfected. He agonized over details. And, finally, he called Luke and his label, informing them that he was ready to meet with producers and start recording again. Magnus already had a few people in mind that he wanted to work with, had talked to them over the phone even, and was happy to be back in things. He had over fifteen songs done, written in the last month, and more that he was working on. He’d had people start sending him ideas — producers and writers who’d had tracks and melodies waiting for him to take a listen to and collab on. It was time to get back in the studio.

Magnus was oddly nervous to start recording and actually working on putting an album together. He had never been nervous about an album before, not like this. He’d been excited his first time, all those years ago, walking into a real studio. Slightly nervous but mostly confident, as he’d always been. That hadn’t stopped him from rushing to the nearest bathroom to spew his guts the second he walked in with Luke by his side of course. But that was a onetime thing. By his second visit to the studio, it was like coming home. He started the second album immediately after getting back from touring with the first. The third album was half done when he had scrapped it all after a week straight of writing after he and Alec—

So Magnus was a little nervous, so unused to being so that it made it even worse. He’d never struggled so much with an album or a song, and he’d been in such a weird place recently… But mostly he was excited to get back into everything. To have something _real._

So Magnus did just like he’d intended and let himself drown in his music for a week straight. Izzy, Raphael, and Clary were out most the week, filming a music video. Simon was swamped with school work, though Magnus heard his voice coming from his room occasionally, usually screaming about “who on earth would want to do this shit?” and “why am I taking accounting classes? _Why_?” Things along those lines.

Therefore, Magnus was mostly alone; though Chairman was there of course, laying on the piano, on Magnus’ sheet music, curled in Magnus’ lap when he was trying to play something on the guitar and generally being supportive. Like a good cat. Except when he tried to eat Magnus’ new song, but they worked through that.

Then, of course, there were the phone calls. Magnus told himself he should answer every time it rang, told himself he was making it worse and he wasn’t supposed to care but…but he wasn’t sure he could do that anymore, not care. So he ignored them.

Until it became so ridiculous that he couldn’t anymore.

That moment came on a Sunday evening when Magnus was sipping a glass of wine after a Skype call with Ragnor who’d recently been messing around with producing and insisted on doing so with Magnus’ new single. Who was Magnus to say no to that? Ragnor had then gone on and on about all the gossip Raphael had been telling him and did Magnus tell Ragnor anything anymore?

Normally, especially recently, Magnus would’ve shut the conversation down quickly; Alec was the last thing he wanted to talk about. But with Ragnor…well, Ragnor was so grumpy it was just fun. Magnus even found himself laughing. Of course, he kept everything light and easy, pretending nothing bothered him even while knowing he wasn’t fooling anyone.

At the end of the call, Ragnor paused, looking serious for once in his life and not judgmental. “Are you happy, my friend?”

Magnus’ heart skipped painfully in his chest. Was he happy? He liked his life, loved his job, was exhilarated with his music and the new direction it was going, not to mention the thought of getting back to recording. But at the end of the day, did he go to bed smiling, happy? Sometimes… When he’d just finished a song or fought with Raphael, but did that really count?

Magnus smiled, rolling his eyes. “Of course. Don’t get all sappy on me now,” he added in a joking manner.

Ragnor studied him for a moment, then said, “You’re hideous and a horrible liar,” before hanging up.

And then Magnus’ phone started ringing and he was tired of avoiding it. He couldn't avoid it forever and he was better than this. So he answered.

***

Alec was about to hang up, pacing around near his trailer, when suddenly the ringing stopped.

“Hello?”

Alec stopped in place, nearly tripping, heart rate doubling. He lost his breath and must’ve been silent for a moment too long because, “Alec? Are you there?” came Magnus’ voice from the phone again.

Alec cleared his throat and instead of saying something normal like ‘yes’, he said, “Magnus,” like the name was air and he was drowning.

His heart beat too hard and he wanted to deny the reason but couldn’t as silence fell over the phone. What was he doing? What did he want? Alec had no idea but he did know he’d been calling Magnus for over a week, saying a silent wish every time that he would answer and now that he had, Alec had no idea what to say. Should he play it off? Or voice his worries that Magnus wasn’t talking to him because of the kiss; that things would never be okay between them; that he was maybe starting to feel things he shouldn’t be. Or maybe he’d just say the truth? That’d he’d woken up every morning this past week with Magnus’ voice, low and hoarse, saying _‘Alexander_ ’ circling his mind and it terrified him?

“No,” Magnus’ voice finally came over the phone, interrupting Alec’s thoughts. “It’s Chairman, he’s learned to talk you know.”

Alec let out a relieved breath, rolling his eyes as the tension suddenly left his body. “Sorry, how did I not realize that for myself?” he asked, smiling.

It was night, the sky filled with stars seeming to be the only thing in the world that was real besides Magnus’ voice over the phone as Alec stood around near the trailers between scenes.

“I have no idea,” Magnus said, voice emotionless and dry.

Alec swallowed dryly at that tone, heart hammering in his chest, head throbbing. He’d messed everything up, hadn’t he? He never should’ve kissed Magnus like that, even if it was for their pretend relationship. He just…shouldn’t have done it.

Before he could stop himself, he was blabbering. “I’m sorry,” he said, his voice too loud in the silence along the phone. “For…everything, I shouldn’t have…well, you know. This…we should have rules, right? No kissing obviously. I just…I don’t want things to be weird after the kiss, because it was just — you know…”

Alec’s tongue got tied in a way it hadn’t in years and he became a stuttering fool. He didn’t even know what he was trying to say, falling silent and licking his lips. “Look, Magnus—”

But Magnus started talking first, cutting him off. “There’s nothing to apologize for,” he said firmly. “You did what you had to, for the deception. It’s fine. And not weird, don’t worry. Sorry I didn’t answer before, I’ve been sick all week.”

Alec felt the lie in his chest, a physical pain but didn’t call Magnus on it. “Oh,” he said, pausing to swallow a lump in his throat. “Are you feeling better now?”

Magnus made a humming sound. “Yup. All good.”

Alec licked his lips again, nodding to himself. “Right. So, good,” he said stiffly.

“Yup,” Magnus repeated. “I have to go but we’ll talk,” he added before quickly hanging up.

The disappointment hit Alec all at once and it took him the rest of the night to figure out where it came from. He didn’t want it to be all right, because it _wasn’t_. None of this was and Magnus…

Alec focused on acting and then he crashed for the night, keeping a careful hold on his thoughts.

***

When Magnus first walked into the studio, he lost his breath. It wasn’t anything spectacular, he’d seen more expensive, more impressive studios before, this was just the top floor of Ragnor’s L.A. apartment converted into a recording space, but it’d been so _long_. So long since he’d walked into a studio confidently, with a book full of songs, knowing he was ready, knowing he was making magic.

Magnus hadn’t wasted any time, much to the excitement of his label, taking Ragnor up on his offer within a week. The song was done, most of them were, it was time. He was tired of waiting. Tired of sitting around doing nothing. He wanted to create, actually _create_. Writing was just the first part, recording was turning the dream to reality. He was ready for that.

“Get your sparkly butt in the booth,” Ragnor called suddenly.

Magnus rolled his eyes. Everything was shiny and new in Ragnor’s studio. Magnus briefly wondered if Ragnor even knew what he was doing, but he knew better than to underestimate his friend. He’d trust no one more than Ragnor with his first single off the new album. Magnus refused to let any other song but the first he’d written for this be his first single. The label didn’t argue.

Magnus stepped into the booth after releasing a deep breath. He took in another, savoring the scent and the feeling of magic ready to happen. He slipped the headphones on, pulling out his cellphone where the lyrics were written, not that he needed the reminder—he already knew this song by heart.

Magnus closed his eyes when Ragnor gave him a thumbs up, opening his mouth and letting the music flow through him. He was nothing but the instrument through which the music came to life.

Hours later, after doing it again and again to get it just right, Magnus flopped down on a brown leather couch in Ragnor’s office, letting out a deep sigh.

His phone buzzed in his pocket, like it’d been doing the past two weeks. Magnus ignored it.

Ragnor spun around in his chair, blinking lazily. “Well, that was fun,” he said.

Magnus let out a soft chuckle, rolling his eyes. He felt…high on creative energy. Exhausted, ready to sleep for twelve hours straight but…but floating on a musical cloud nine. Letting his eyes close, Magnus had to bite back a grin. This was good, it was going to be good – great even.

“I wonder what — I mean _who_ , that song’s about,” Ragnor said, spinning around again.

Magnus’ grin faded all at once, eyes popping open, the buzz from recording leaving him feeling empty as it was chased away by his sinking heart.

“No one,” Magnus said, pushing to his feet. “See you tomorrow.”

***

“Alec!”

Alec was ready to drop dead, he was so tired. Grueling hours training and filming were bad enough but what was making everything infinitely worse was the never ending track his mind was on. Namely, it wouldn’t shut up about Magnus.

He was driving himself crazy, more so than he ever had before. He was falling straight into old ways — only they weren’t even old ways, not really. Before, there’d been pining and falling. Then there’d been shutting everything off, shoving it so far away he almost forgot all about it just so he wouldn’t have to feel the never-ending pain and ache of it all. Now…now he didn’t even know what there was because he wouldn’t let himself sit still long enough to figure it out. He was too afraid too. It was driving him crazy.

“Hey,” Alec said, turning around right outside his room at Lydia’s voice. He found Lydia heading towards him with a determined look on her face. She was dressed casually in sweats and a tank top, showing off her toned arms. “What’s up?”

Lydia grimaced. “That’s what I was going to ask you, actually,” she said.

Alec pretended he didn’t know exactly what she was talking about. “Pardon?”

Lydia inclined her head in that ‘don’t give me this bullshit’ look, before shaking her head. “You know what,” she said, then her voice softened. “You just…” she started, looking him up and down slowly. “Kind of look like you could use someone to talk to.”

Alec hated to admit just how right she was but he instantly relaxed his guard, sighing and nodding without even meaning to.

Lydia smiled softly. “That’s what I thought,” she said, taking his keycard from his hand and opening his door, she marched in without further ado. “Is this a coffee kind of talk?” she asked, heading to the small kitchen area in his suite.

Sighing, Alec rubbed the back of his head. “I don’t know…probably.”

Lydia hummed to herself lightly as she turned the coffee pot on.

“Has…” Alec started then trailed off. “I mean…have I been obvious?” His chest was too tight and he didn’t notice how he was pacing, stopping only to fiddle with things here and there.

Lydia turned around, shaking her head firmly. “No, Alec, your acting has been fine, better than ever if anything,” she said, immediately answering the unasked question. “I just know you,” she said, smiling. “And also, you and Jace don’t seem to be doing too great right now?”

Alec groaned, running a hand over his face before moving to the kitchen to grab the two coffee cups he had — gifts from Izzy, whenever he was out of town for filming she put together a basket of coffee related things, for his survival she said. “Jace is an idiot and I called him out on it, we’ll be fine,” he said. Jace was already coming around. He couldn’t hold a grudge that long.

Lydia nodded, pouring the coffee that they both took black. She moved to the small two-person table, folding herself into one chair and waiting for Alec to take the other. Alec noticed the magazine on the table, on which Magnus and he stood front and center, kissing in the airport. Swallowing with difficulty, he grabbed the trashy gossip magazine and threw it somewhere behind him.

“Okay,” Lydia said, once more in that firm voice that told Alec there was no avoiding the question she was about to ask. “What is with you and Magnus?”

Alec ignored the visceral response Magnus’ name evoked in him, running a hand through his hair while staring deep into his coffee cup.

“We—I… And it’s like…” Alec started again and again, trailing off each time. He took a large sip of his coffee, burning his tongue in the process and savoring the sharp bite of pain.

“It’s all so clear now,” Lydia teased.

Alec glared at her, “Ha. Ha.”

Lydia shrugged, spreading her hands out in surrender. The silence dragged on for a few minutes, Lydia staring at Alec, Alec staring at his coffee. He knew talking was a good idea, maybe if he laid it all out for Lydia she — ever the smartest person in the room — could help him get things back into perspective. No one was better at that than Izzy but…Alec didn’t want to admit yet how right Isabelle was. This whole thing was one big, drawn out train wreck. Just like she’d said from the beginning.

“Alec,” Lydia said, voice barely loud enough to crack through the silence.

Alec looked up, finally meeting her eyes. She smiled softly. “It’s okay, Alec, everything will be okay. We can talk or not…we could just sit here,” she said. “Or, you could finally tell me what happened back then.”

Alec swallowed a lump in his throat. He was sure she knew everything by now, everything Alec had never told her because he _couldn’t_. He couldn’t get it out, he’d barely been able to tell Isabelle. Still, surely Izzy and Jace had filled her in on everything Alec couldn’t say in the last two years. But maybe not, because Lydia never got that pitying look the others had tried so hard to hide the first weeks. Even months after…

Alec swallowed again, pushing his coffee cup away. His nerves were on fire, he was shaking; the last thing he needed was more coffee.

“There was never much to tell,” Alec finally said, hating how vulnerable his voice sounded, shaking slightly. “Everything kind of…just…fell apart. I didn’t know how to fix it…by the time I figured out I wanted to, needed to…it was too late.”

Alec shook his hand, grabbing his cup again just to have something to do with his hands. His voice had broken so he cleared his throat a few times before starting again. “And now…now I have no idea what’s going on, what we’re doing. I don’t know what I want all this to be or mean…and…” Alec paused, rubbing his face. He was too tired for this. He just wanted to crawl into bed, wake up tomorrow and never think of any of this again. It was easier that way.

Lydia reached across the table for his hand, squeezing tightly.

“And now,” Alec repeated, staring off into the distance like he might find the answers to everything just waiting for him somewhere. “Now Magnus is pulling away and I don’t know how to stop it, if I should…”

“Do you want to?” Lydia asked slowly, softly. “That’s kind of the most important question, Alec. Do you want to stop him from pulling away, do you want something with him?”

Alec didn’t answer. It didn’t matter. It was crazy. There wasn’t an option, not really…

And the answer was too big, too scary. He couldn’t voice it. It would be like…like ripping his chest open and letting everyone around him gawk and poke at his heart. He couldn’t — wouldn’t, do that.

“I don’t know.”

***

“Kill me now,” Simon exclaimed, flopping down on one of the leather couches in the living room of Magnus’ L.A apartment.

Magnus looked up from the book he was reading — an autobiography of one of his favorite artists — and debated with himself for a moment before finally sighing and asking, “Why for, Sherwin? I mean, if I’m going to get blood on my outfit, it must be for a good reason.”

“Blood?” Simon yelped, sitting up enough to look at Magnus who he was stretched out languidly on the other side of the room.

“From killing you,” Magnus pointed out, closing his book.

Simon’s eyes went wide. “You jump straight to blood? What are you planning, decapitation?”

Magnus shrugged. “Maybe. Why, what did you have in mind?”

Simon threw his hands up. “Something humane? Poison me, maybe?”

Magnus sighed. “Well that sounds less fun and I’d have to find a poison, I assume you’d like it to not be too awfully painful?”

Simon nodded.

“Fiiine,” Magnus said. “I’ll see what I can do. For someone begging me to kill them, Sharon, you sure are picky.”

Simon sighed, flopping back onto the couch. And okay, Magnus was maybe a little worried now. The rest of the apartment was empty, Clary, Isabelle and Raphael at rehearsals which was a shame because Magnus couldn’t pawn Simon off on one of them.

Getting to his feet, he ordered Simon to do the same. “I can tell this is important, I must have tea before I can deal with you though,” he said flatly, moving through the living room and hall, to the kitchen.

Simon shuffled in a few moments later. Magnus pulled out a cup and tea bag, waiting for the kettle. “So?” he asked pointedly.

Simon sighed. “It’s nothing really,” he said forlornly.

Magnus rolled his eyes. “I will kick you out, Sheldon,” he said even while opening another cabinet and taking down a package of his favorite cookies, sliding them over to Simon without a word.

Simon raised his eyebrows but kept silent, opening the package and taking one. Simon opened his mouth, looking perfectly miserable with puppy dog wide eyes and a frown on his face. Magnus interrupted before he could say anything, “And don’t you dare start talking about accounting.”

Simon shrank in his seat. “But what if it was about accounting?” he asked in a low voice.

Magnus raised an eyebrow. “Is it?”

Simon sighed. biting into his cookie before shaking his head.

“That’s what I thought,” Magnus said, grabbing the kettle to pour his tea.

“Isabelle’s back with Meliorn,” Simon finally admitted.

“Ah,” Magnus said, nodding. “Have you ever considered telling her how you feel?” was his first question.

Simon looked away.

“That’s a no,” Magnus muttered to himself, leaning on the counter across from Simon.

“I just…” Simon started before trailing off.

“What?”

“You’ll think it’s stupid,” he said, grabbing another cookie.

“Well, duh,” Magnus replied, stirring his tea.

“I just…I don’t want to tell her…that and then…ruin things.”

Magnus frowned, he could understand that sure, but… “She feels the same,” he said unnecessarily.

Simon’s face fell even further. “That’s what I thought. That one day it would work out but now…”

Magnus just inclined his head, reaching for a cookie himself. “Life is hard,” he remarked, chewing thoughtfully.

Simon snorted. “Yeah. And accounting sucks.”

Magnus pointed at him threateningly, “I told you not to mention accounting, you ungrateful ingrate!”

Simon rolled his eyes. “You’re not going to kick me out,” he said. “Clary wouldn’t let you. At least not—” Simon froze up at his own words, tripping Magnus’ Spidey senses.

“Anyway, how was recording with Ragnor?” Simon asked, quickly switching topics.

“What was that about?” Magnus asked, eying Simon wearily. “At least not what?”

“What was what? Nothing,” Simon said quickly. But Magnus had known the boy long enough to know he was a horrible liar.

Magnus just gave Simon a _look_. Simon withered under it. “Look,” Simon finally said. “It’s just…I’ve been…and Clary has… Just,” he said before shaking his head roughly. “Talk to Clary,” he finally said.

Talk to Clary about what? Magnus thought but something — maybe the panic on Simon’s face — had him hold back from actually asking the question.

“Soooo,” Simon mumbled in a new attempt to switch the subject. “How are things with Alec?”

Magnus’ heart throbbed. He glared at Simon, taking his cookies back and walking away without another word.

***

_Alexander_.

Alec rolled over in bed, groaning. He pounded his pillow a few times, trying to get comfortable, all the while ignoring the voice in his mind. He kept hearing it, kept reliving it; kept thinking about it. It was driving him nuts.

It was just a kiss. Not even a kiss. A fake kiss. And Alec…Alec was just imagining what he thought he’d seen on Magnus’ face… Or maybe seeing what he wanted to see…

Alec rolled back onto his back, heart pounding. Was that what he wanted? For Magnus to want that? For the kiss to have been real?

“Alec! Get your lazy ass out of bed!” Jace hollered, pounding on the door to Alec’s suite. “We gotta go!”

Alec crawled out of bed, reaching for his phone and checking his messages. He wouldn’t admit to himself that his heart sank, just a little, when he didn’t find a message from Magnus. It’d been two weeks since the kiss and Magnus had only talked to him a handful of times and barely said anything during those times. Before the kiss, they’d been texting each other random things for weeks, talking on the phone nearly every night…

Alec swallowed a lump in his throat, ignoring the panicked feeling in his stomach that was terrified he’d fucked everything up royally.

Tossing his phone on the bed behind him, Alec moved to get his bag together. He’d been so wrapped up with thoughts of Magnus the moment he woke that he forgot to feel the nervous panic right away. Now it was sinking in. He felt like he was going to be sick. It wasn’t that Alec had never done these kinds of appearances before. He had, he’d gone on press tours for his movies multiple times. But this was different. This was a con. And his first time in front of an audience, discussing the show.

Luckily, the nerves from this blocked Magnus from Alec’s mind completely. Or mostly… At least a little.

***

Magnus had convinced himself once again that the longer he went on ignoring and not thinking about Alec, the easier it got. In reality of course, it didn’t get any easier. In fact, it only got harder. The more he tried not to think of Alec, the more he thought of Alec and the more he remembered and relived their past, the more he hated himself for everything that was currently happening.

Oh yeah, let’s fake a relationship for publicity purposes. Let’s forget the past. Let’s pretend we can actually be friends and like nothing that happened before mattered. Let’s even pretend we never had feelings and you weren’t the greatest love of my life.

Okay, so Magnus’ denial was not working. Luckily, his distractions were.

“Yes, Isabelle,” Magnus repeated into the phone for the third time as he stepped out of his car, waving to his driver to wait. “I know exactly which top you’re speaking of and I promise it will be in my suitcase back to L.A. next week,” Magnus assured Isabelle.

“And the cute pumps?” Izzy’s voice came from far away and Magnus realized he must’ve been put on speaker phone.

“Yes, the cute pumps,” Magnus said, nodding. The doorman to Isabelle’s building opened the door and Magnus stepped in, moving to the elevator without thought. As soon as Isabelle found out he was heading back to New York for two weeks to work on recording, she’d drafted a list of items she needed rescued from her closet and brought to her immediately even though she herself had been in the city just weeks before and swapped out clothes then.

“I’m serious, Magnus,” Isabelle said coldly. “If you don’t come back with my pumps, I’m stealing all yours.”

Stepping out of the elevator, Magnus gasped, clutching at his chest even though there was no one there to see him. “That is so unnecessary, and you know your feet are bigger than mine!”

Magnus focused on digging out the key Isabelle had given him, breathing in and out steadily. So he was going into Alec’s apartment, it wasn’t like Alec was there, he was hundreds and hundreds of miles away. So what if this was a place that held nearly as many memories as his own Brooklyn flat. So what if that very spot Magnus was now standing in had been the spot of their second kiss and endless ones to follow it.

Magnus took a deep breath, focusing back in on the voice coming from his phone and pushing all the pointless and unwanted memories away.

“Oh and my silver dress!” Isabelle said suddenly. “You know the one, right?”

Magnus rolled his eyes, opening the door and striding into the apartment. “The one you wore to my birthday party?” he asked.

“Exactly! Get that,” she said.

“Isabelle dear,” Magnus said, chuckling faintly as he headed down the hallway to where he knew all three bedrooms lay. “Is there anything you’d like me to leave here?”

Isabelle didn’t hesitate, snapping back, “That foul pea coat you got me last year.”

Magnus gasped again, turning into Isabelle’s room. “That hurt,” he said. “And look at that, your favorite pumps appear to be missing.”

“Don’t joke around like that Magnus!” Isabelle shouted. There was a rushing on the other end of the room and Magnus figured Isabelle was finally picking the phone back up.

Balancing his own phone between his shoulder and ear, Magnus pulled the spare suitcase from under Isabelle’s bed and began picking through her clothes which were strewn out all over the room.

Magnus spent the next forty-five minutes picking through Isabelle’s wardrobe while complaining that he had actual work to be doing to which she threatened to set his closet on fire.

“You, my dear,” Magnus had said to that. “Are pure evil.”

Finally, suitcase barely closing on everything Isabelle wanted, Magnus turned to leave.

“Are you doing any shopping?” Isabelle asked, still on the phone as Magnus made his way through the hall and across the living room.

“Why?” Magnus asked wearily.

“Just wondering…”

Magnus sighed. “What did you want?” he asked.

Before he could hear Isabelle’s response however, the front door opened. Magnus glanced up, confusion melting into mild panic as he found Alec stepping inside.

***

Alec readjusted his grip on his coffee cup, removing the key from the door before looking up and freezing.

The breath was knocked out of him. He couldn’t think or move. He didn’t even stop to question it, just stared as his heart galloped on, full speed ahead.

To say he was shocked to find Magnus in his apartment was an understatement.

***

Magnus couldn’t breathe. He stood completely still and in his mind he was back at the airport. He was laughing with Alec. And then Alec stopped laughing. And Magnus was — was… _dying_ and being brought back to life all at the same time as Alec kissed him.

And then, once again, everything fell apart around him.

Magnus forced his gaze away, clearing his throat after he remembered how to breathe. “I’ll call you later,” he said abruptly to Isabelle, not waiting to hear her response before hanging up.

“Magnus.” Alec finally said something and that was all it was. Magnus’ name. Said on the edge of a breath. Said like a plea and a promise.

Magnus shook his head, he really needed to stop reading into things.

“Alec,” he said, nodding formally, forcing calm. _Calm_ , Magnus thought with a scoff, he didn’t know the meaning of the word anymore. It was just one more thing he’d have to relearn, how not to have feelings for Alec. How not to fall for Alec. How to say his name in a normal friendly tone and not say _Alexander_ like it was his greatest dream offered to him on a golden platter.

He had to _stop._ If he didn’t, he would drive himself crazy and he’d never move on and he’d be stuck in this endless loop of trying and failing to forget all about Alec Lightwood.

***

Alec felt like an idiot, just standing there, right in the doorway of his own apartment, staring at Magnus. But his mind had gone blank, he hadn’t planned on running into Magnus and really, he needed warning before that.

Alec’s eyes moved up and down Magnus who was dressed in tight, dark pants, and a loose, low-cut maroon shirt with gold accents. Alec swallowed drily. He recognized that shirt.

Forcing his eyes further down, Alec frowned at Isabelle’s suitcase.

“Isabelle didn’t say anything about you being in New York.” Magnus’ voice filling the silence, finally shook Alec out of his thoughts.

He looked up, finding it hard to breathe when he met Magnus’ gaze. Magnus had completely shut down. A wall forced up in his mind, steel in his eyes. Alec couldn’t read him at all in that moment.

Alec nodded, shifting his coffee cup to the other hand. He cleared his throat. “Uh, yeah. We got in early, she probably forgot,” he said, forcing his eyes away from Magnus and his mind to start turning again. “We…we have comic con this weekend,” he explained.

Magnus just nodded. “I was in town, so I came to get Isabelle some of her things.”

Alec’s eyes moved back to Isabelle’s suitcase and he nodded even though it took a minute for the words to sink in and click. “Missing her shoes again?” Alec asked. It was meant to come out teasing but it fell flat.

Magnus nodded. “Well, I should go.”

Alec opened his mouth but before he could figure out what to say, Magnus was passing him, out the door, disappearing down the hall.

***

Magnus didn’t breathe fully until he was in the elevator. The last minutes had passed with half breathes, rattling painfully in his chest.

Leaning back against the wall of the elevator, Magnus closed his eyes, focused on breathing in and out. He hadn’t been able to run away fast enough.

Seeing Alec… Magnus hadn’t planned on that. Things were going so good. He’d been recording; he’d been ignoring all things Alec. Life was getting back to normal. Sure, he had no long-term plan of avoiding Alec and this mess they’d gotten themselves into but…

The elevator dinged. Magnus stood up straight, crossed the lobby and was back in the back of his car, the driver pulling away without a word, before he knew it.

It was like a sucker punch to the gut every time Magnus saw Alec. It was a knife twisted in his back every time his immediate reaction was to feel this burst of excitement and happiness followed quickly by the reminder that he wasn’t supposed to feel that way anymore. Magnus wasn’t supposed to lose his breath looking at Alec. He wasn’t supposed to want Alec, want to see him and talk to him every day. Want…want to be with him, more than anything in the world.

Magnus was supposed to remember how things had ended and hate Alec for not fighting for him, for them. He was supposed to have gotten over this two years ago. You couldn’t have what they had, watch it crash and burn and then…then think you could have it back. You couldn’t. It was over. It was…ruined.

Magnus groaned, hiding his face in his hands until he was back to his own apartment where he hid Isabelle’s favorite pumps before curling up on the couch with Chairman Meow, suddenly thankful Clary had insisted he bring the Chairman with him.

***

Alec was only glad that the con didn’t start until the next day because the rest of that day? He was completely out of it. His mind running in circles and always coming back to Magnus. It was normal by then, really.

There was a lump in his throat all day, making it hard to swallow. There was a yearning in his gut, somehow made worse than ever because they were in the same state. They weren’t hundreds and hundreds of miles apart anymore. It was like Alec could physically _feel_ the distance between himself and Magnus, who he assumed was lying in bed in his own apartment much like Alec currently was. And that distance was both entirely too close and not nearly small enough.

He…he—

Alec sighed because he still didn’t know what he wanted. Or he did but he wouldn’t let himself want that, because he couldn’t have _that_ and Magnus couldn’t possibly want that…could he?

Alec sat up, throwing the covers off himself. He needed to go for a run or watch mindless television or something. Anything to get his mind to turn off.

He was halfway to the door when his phone buzzed.

**Glittery Bane of my Existence** : Drinks?

Alec’s breath caught in his throat but he didn’t think before replying. _Where?_ And a second later, _When?_

**Glittery Bane of my Existence:** Now. My place.

_On my way._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there we go, entering the last wave of angst before the fluff begins. Wow, this has taken longer than intended!  
> Okay, so there probably won't be a chapter next week because well it's Christmas and people are busy but I promise not to make you wait too long, there will be an update before New Years!
> 
> Don't forget to let me know what you think, comments and kudos help Malec suffer less! I'm on [Tumblr @imawriteriwrite](http://imawriteriwrite.tumblr.com/) which is the BEST place for updates on my fics! Make sure to check out my Christmas Malec fic if you're into that kind of thing!
> 
> Lastly, just thanks for sticking this out and reading and commenting, I love you all! <3<3<3


	14. Do I Wanna Know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec and Magnus have drinks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout out to my amazing betas! <3<3<3 Extra shout out to Maud who helps me name like half my chapters, tbh. And Fangirlbussiness, who helps me stay inspired. <3<3<3
> 
> Title from Do I Wanna Know? by Artic Monkeys

Magnus had no idea what he was doing and blamed it on the wine he’d already had as he opened his front door. Alec stood on the other side, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly. Magnus’ heart jolted as Alec ducked his head, looking at him from under long lashes.

Magnus had a plan, a reason he’d invited Alec over. They needed to get this over with. Do it right. Closure. Move on. All that good stuff.

However, every coherent thought left his mind when he saw Alec leaving nothing but the vicious want in his gut. The want to go back in time and reclaim the two years they’d lost. The want to have Alec in his life, permanently. All day. Every day.

Sometimes, late at night, even before this fake relationship disaster, when Magnus had a really shitty day; he’d let himself ask the questions he hid from the most. The ones that gutted him and left him cut up, broken and bleeding on the ground. Questions like: what if they’d never broken up? What if they’d tried? What if the universe hadn’t been so adamant about throwing one thing after another in their path? What if Alec hadn’t broken his heart?

Where would they be, if they’d stuck it out? Would they have still broken up, just after breaking each other even further? Or…or would they be together, happy. Moved in, like Magnus had been trying to ask Alec for months before they broke up. Married? Thinking of being married? Out to the world and happy…

Magnus swallowed a wave of nausea. Seconds elongated into endless minutes before he finally swallowed, moving out of the way and letting Alec inside.

***

Alec didn’t know what he was doing there, why Magnus had asked him over, or why he lost his breath the moment he saw him.

Magnus wore loose pants and a hoodie in place of his normal, fancier clothes. He was barefoot, his hair was kind of going everywhere, and he still had makeup on but his eyeliner was beginning to smudge under his eyes.

For a second, just a blink in time, a pause of the universe and the very earth's spinning, Alec was frozen, struck with the urge to pull Magnus in and wrap his arms around him. To sit around, wrapped up in each other and talk all night, longer, forever if they could manage.

Then that second ended. The earth started spinning again. The universe blinked on.

Alec shook his head, it was clearly too late to be doing…whatever it was they were doing. He needed sleep, lots of it.

Alec cleared his throat as he realized neither of them had said anything yet. He stepped inside, past Magnus. “Hey,” he finally said, turning to Magnus as he shut the door.

Magnus looked so…soft and inviting. So — His eyes were wide open, everything about him relaxed, he even did that little shoulder shimmy Alec had seen him do millions of times in the past.

“Hi,” Magnus finally said.

Alec’s heart skipped.

He turned away, slipping his coat off and setting it on the couch as they both migrated toward the living room. Alec sat on the long sofa — immediately dismissing the memories the couch conjured — while Magnus curled up in the red armchair a few feet away, after handing Alec a glass filled with some bright pink cocktail. Alec didn’t question the drink, swallowing half of it in one go before wincing.

Magnus smirked from his chair, rolling his eyes.

Alec’s heart lurched — he ignored that, too.

“So,” Alec started, setting his glass down on the coffee table and clearing his throat. “Why…why are you in town?”

Glancing back up at Magnus, it sunk in how much of a terrible idea this was. What were they doing? Magnus had clearly been ignoring Alec. This was going to end in flames, so yeah, add getting drunk together in the middle of the night, in the apartment that held millions of memories — where they had broken up — to the mix.

Magnus was just _looking_ at him, with this look he only got when he was just drunk enough to think but not feel much.

Alec cleared his throat, reaching for his glass and draining it.

“This was a—” Alec was saying before getting cut off as something small and furry lunged at him.

Alec fell back against the couch with a choked scream until he realized what jumped at him.

“Chairman!” Alec shouted a tad louder than intended, accidentally scaring the small cat off. “Wait, come back,” Alec said, voice low and soft as he dropped to the floor where the Chairman had crawled under the couch.

Alec’s heart ached, crawling around, trying to get to the cat. He could tell himself all he wanted that he didn’t miss Magnus, didn’t miss Magnus’ cat, but it was a complete lie. One Alec didn’t care to keep telling anymore.

God, Alec thought, struggling to breathe in, grateful for the fact that Magnus couldn’t see his face right then. His heart pounded, his stomach churned and he was overcome with this wave of missing…everything. How had this happened? he wondered. How had they gone from every free moment spent together, curled up on that fucking couch, holding onto each other like a lifeline to…not speaking for _two years_.

Just then, two years felt like forever.

The pain crashed down on Alec like it hadn’t since the first weeks after their breakup and he couldn’t breathe, torn between running away as fast as possible and screaming, picking a fight. Anything to make this go away.

Alec sat back on his heels, breathing deeply in and out, not caring if Magnus noticed his little panic attack.

Alec was about to push himself to his feet and make a hasty exit when Chairman Meow once again stopped him. Alec held his breath as the cat came out, looking around with wide eyes, studying Alec suspiciously.

Alec held his breath, if Chairman hated him now too…

He reached out slowly, grabbing the cat gently before moving to sit on the edge of the couch.

“Hey, buddy,” Alec whispered, running his hand along Chairman’s back. Chairman was skittish and not very friendly to most people; Alec had witnessed this many times, but he’d never had a problem with the cat.

“How have you been?” Alec continued, far more relieved than called for that the cat didn’t hiss and run away. “It’s been a long time.”

Alec was not a crier, he never had been. The last time he’d cried had been the one time he allowed himself to fully fall apart after…Magnus. But tears prickled at his eyes and he had to force them back. What the fuck was he doing, crying over a cat?

“I think he missed you,” Magnus said.

Alec ignored the hoarse tone of voice and his own skipping heart. “I missed him, too,” he mumbled.

***

Magnus stood abruptly, he was not nearly drunk enough to see Alec looking at his cat like _that_.

He poured them each a stronger drink and once again questioned his sanity. He forced himself to sit on the couch next to Alec, recognizing the fact that he was acting both strange and rude when he’d been the one to invite Alec over — a moment of weakness he was currently regretting.

Staring at the floor, Magnus finally answered Alec’s question. “I’ve been recording.”

Alec looked up, a small, perfect smile on his face. Magnus’ heart lurched. How was anyone expected to breathe with Alexander Lightwood looking at you with his puppy dog eyes and his tiny little happy smile while holding Magnus’ cat which anyone could see he loved? _How_?

I’m doomed, Magnus thought.

***

I’m doomed, Alec realized as Magnus seemed to come back to life before his eyes. Excitement flooding his features, eyes alight as he talked about recording again.

“Finally,” Magnus said, swirling the ice in his glass. “I mean, I feel like I’m doing something again, you know? I hadn’t realized how much I missed the actual process of making a song,” he said with a small smile, shaking his head slowly.

Alec forced his gaze back to Chairman who was now curled on Alec’s lap, watching them closely. Alec breathed shallowly, trying to ground himself.

“What about you?” Magnus asked, leaning back on the couch and reaching out a hand to run a finger down Chairman Meow’s head. Alec thought he saw something flash in Magnus’ eyes, some emotion like…longing, but it was gone within a second and Alec was more focused on trying not to think about how close they were sitting, how Magnus’ hand brushed against his as they both pet the cat.

“Hmm?” Alec finally remembered to ask.

“What were you in town for? A convention?”

***

Time slipped past without Alec noticing. They sipped drinks, they talked about…everything. The convention, the show, how filming was going. No topic was off the table.

And Alec forgot somewhere along the way that two years had passed since they did this. He forgot while watching as Magnus smiled and threw his head back, laughing. While listening to Magnus as he paced back and forth, describing the album and how he wanted it to feel. While forgetting it was his turn to talk because he got caught up in all things Magnus; that small smile that made Alec’s heart skip around in the best way; that mysterious glint in his eyes; the way that every time they got caught staring at each other it was like a lightning strike in the middle of the room, searing them both. Alec lost himself in all of that, every painful second of being achingly close to Magnus without having Magnus. Lost himself so thoroughly that he forgot that anything existed outside of this, forgot that life wasn’t as simple as holing up in Magnus’ apartment just because he longed for it _so_ _much_.

“Ragnor’s been tweaking the single, he tells me, remixing things,” Magnus was saying, rolling his eyes. They sat together on the couch again, Chairman Meow had wandered off a while ago. It was getting late and Alec had had way too much to drink, but he couldn’t leave, he didn’t want to. He wanted to stay there, Magnus laughing his way through a story, forever.

Alec didn’t realize Magnus had trailed off at first. His mind was moving slower than before, he could feel the alcohol racing through his veins, making him lightheaded. He didn’t know how long they sat there, staring at each other in this charged way. It was like…this was a time out from the rest of the world, from everything happening between them, and Alec wanted to soak it all up, drown in it, for as long as possible.

Looking at Magnus, two years felt like the blink of an eye.

***

Magnus couldn’t bring himself to look away. Alec was looking at him, this small smile on his face. Was he drunk? Magnus had lost track of what they’d been drinking, of time, of everything.

They were leaning close on the couch, inches between them. Magnus wished desperately there was nothing between them. This…this overwhelming want, as Magnus was teased, the universe throwing Alec back in his life in a way he could have him but never have enough, never have what he desperately wanted…it would kill him. Literally kill him.

The way Alec was looking at him, like Magnus was all he saw, like Magnus imagined he was looking at Alec… He could almost — _almost_ , convince himself Alec wanted it, too. That they could try again. That it could work.

Magnus swallowed painfully, forcing his eyes away and clearing his throat. He suddenly remembered there was a reason he’d asked Alec over. Because…because despite everything that had happened both back then and now, Magnus didn’t want to lose Alec. So he forced the words out. “I want us to be friends.”

Alec frowned, looking taken aback for a minute. “What?”

Magnus took another sip of his wine, he was both too drunk and not drunk enough for this conversation. “Friends, me and you, for real. Even when…when this is all over.” I don’t want to lose you, he thought, to go two more years before we talk again. Life without you is like…life without color. Not nearly the same.

Magnus saw Alec swallow, his Adam’s apple bobbing. Alec blinked slowly, nodding. “Yeah. I mean…of course. Friends.”

Magnus felt like crying, staring at Alec; all dark hair and wide, hazel eyes, every inch of him beautiful. Not just because he looked like he was fucking carved by angels but because he was a genuinely good person. And…Magnus had had him, once. He’d been Magnus’. Magnus had been his. And Magnus — he’d never have that again and that really, really…sucked.

***

Alec knew it was time to go when they were doing more staring and drinking than talking. He was at the point where he was having trouble thinking, controlling himself. He didn’t usually drink so much, hadn’t really realized how much he was drinking, he just hadn’t wanted the night to end. But leaning back on the couch, feet folded under him, face close to Magnus’ as they mumbled here and there… Alec’s eyes were trailing to Magnus’ lips far too often.

What was he doing? Alec looked away, rubbing his forehead. He was tipsy, not drunk enough to be forgetting what was proper. But for the first time since they started this whole thing, Alec let himself think, realize, admit…that he missed Magnus more than anything. Once the initial pain had numbed it was obvious that he wanted…wanted _something_. It wasn’t something he could really explain, more a feeling or an idea than a thing. He wanted…he wanted to go back in time, he wanted to stop them from ever falling apart. He wanted so much more than to be Magnus’ friend. He wanted to be near him all the time. Wanted…wanted…wanted.

Alec shook his head, looking back up at Magnus who simply raised an eyebrow.

There was less space than ever between them, their knees just about touching. He swallowed, breathing in slowly, meeting Magnus’ wide eyes. Alec had never understood getting lost in someone’s eyes before he met Magnus but…he could look at Magnus, into Magnus’ eyes, for hours and hours and never get bored. It seemed there was so much lurking in there. Maybe if Alec stared long enough, hard enough, he could unlock all the memories of the last two years, see everything he’d missed.

Magnus’ pupils were a little wider than usual from the alcohol. There were mere inches between their faces. Alec would barely have to move.

Magnus licked his lips, eyes trailing over Alec’s face.

Alec swallowed.

“What happened between us?” He thought the question and then it fell from his mouth before he could stop it.

***

Alec’s eyes went wider than Magnus had ever seen them before. Panic flooding his features as he suddenly pulled back.

No, Magnus thought desperately, don’t pull back.

“Ignore that,” Alec said, voice shaking. He ran a hand through his hair, still moving further back and then standing up. “Please just ignore it. I — I shouldn’t have… I should go,” he said, pointing towards the door.

Magnus was frozen in place, the question echoing through his mind. The same question he had asked himself again and again. What had happened to them? What were they doing now?

Magnus cleared his throat, nodding. He stood to lead Alec to the door, mind spinning. This had been a horrible idea. What was this? Magnus had to stop. Not invite Alec over for drinks. Not keep going back. Not be real friends with him.

At least that’s what Magnus should do. Would do if he were strong enough. But he wasn’t. He was weak. He couldn’t imagine losing Alec again. It was painful, what they were doing. It’d always been painful to be Alec’s friend instead of something more, and it might kill Magnus to try, it might kill him when Alec inevitably found someone new to have a life with. But that was maybe, whereas Magnus knew with a cool certainty that if Alec left his life entirely, if Magnus pushed him away, left him again…there was no way he would survive that.

It was too late to be having these thoughts, these conversations, too late to be ignoring reality when it was edging in around the corners.

It took Magnus a minute to realize they were at the door. He opened it slowly, turning to Alec and clearing his throat once more. Alec was watching him intently, in a way that made Magnus’ heart clench, mouth go dry. Eyes narrowed, hooded. A small frown pulling his lips down. His hair was messier than ever and he looked like he was ready to pass out.

“I should go,” Alec repeated, taking a step forward.

Magnus nodded.

Alec stepped forward again. And again. Only, instead of passing Magnus, heading to the door and the hallway beyond, he stepped _towards_ Magnus.

Magnus breathed in sharply. There was less than a foot between them.

Alec shuffled closer, eyes never leaving Magnus’ face.

Magnus swallowed, looking away from Alec’s intense gaze. Magnus picked out a spot on Alec’s shirt and stared right at it. “ _Alec_ ,” he finally said, voice low and hoarse.

“Yeah?” Alec replied after swallowing.

But Magnus had no idea where he was going with that. The air between them was charged, lightning sparking his nerves, fireworks going off in his stomach.

Magnus didn’t know who moved first, it didn’t really matter.

***

Alec had every intention to leave when he stood from the couch, he would leave, forget about this strange night that didn’t feel real. He had to sleep. He had to be up early. He had to leave before he did something he’d regret in the morning.

Then they were standing at the door and Alec…Alec couldn’t imagine leaving. Not yet. He didn’t want to. Didn’t want to go home to his apartment and his empty bed, just to listen to Jace’s snores through the walls all night. He didn’t want to leave Magnus not knowing where they stood. He didn’t want to leave Magnus period.

The stepping closer had been an accident. And he’d opened his mouth to stutter out a goodbye but instead —

They were kissing. Alec’s arms wrapped around Magnus without thought, gripping the back of his shirt, pulling him closer, closer, closer. And it was soft lips and searching tongues and not being able to breathe but never feeling so alive, alive, alive. It was cold hands slipping under his shirt, making him hiss and bit down on Magnus’ lower lip. It was pulling and pushing and trying to disappear into each other.

It was Magus. Magnus. Magnus. The only thing Alec had ever wanted so much it drove him insane. The only person Alec had ever wanted.

It was fast and messy and then Magnus swung the door shut and Alec pushed him up against it and it was slow. Lips brushing. Tongues dancing. Hands gripping hips and how had Alec lasted two years? How had he lived without Magnus?

Their last kiss flashed through Alec’s mind. It’d been real. Perfect. And then Alec had ruined it.

Magnus slipped his hands around to Alec’s back, pulling him closer.

In Alec’s head, he saw the moment he’d muttered ‘paparazzi’, the way Magnus’ face had fallen, like someone had offered him the world on a silver platter only to take it away two seconds later.

Alec’s heart hurt, so much he couldn’t breathe and was forced to pull back slightly.

He rested his forehead against Magnus’, moving his hands from Magnus’ hips to cradle his face and it was all deep breathing and closed eyes. Alec ran his thumb up and down Magnus’ cheek, pushing his hands back into Magnus’ hair.

When he kissed Magnus this time it was deliberate, slow and soft, as if he could somehow make up for the way their last had ended and the one before that and all the ones they had missed, all at once.

If Alec could take it all back, right then, even if it meant giving up everything else, he would’ve. Without a doubt.

He was tipsy but not drunk enough to not mean it with every fiber of his being. He’d give up anything, everything, to have those two years back.

Maybe you don’t need them, some small voice in the back of his head said.

Alec blocked it out, deepening the kiss.

***

The alcohol had long since gone to Magnus’ head, he couldn’t think, could only react. And every bit of him yelled at him to react in one way, and one way only; kiss Alec like he was the air Magnus needed to breathe.

Magnus’ brain shut off the second their lips touched and he sank into it immediately. This was what he wanted, more than anything. He’d tried to have it with other people, tried to find it again but nothing, nothing had ever been like this. No one had ever kissed him like he was the only person they ever wanted to kiss. Like he was breakable but also like he was the strongest, most beautiful person they’d ever seen.

Alec worshipped Magnus with every press of lips, every grip of hips, every look. He always had. And Magnus had always, always done his best to give it back. Because that was what Alec was to him. The best. The only. There’d been people before, he’d tried to have people after but no one was _Alec_.

Magnus’ heart beat faster and faster, but he refused to pull back to breathe. Before he knew it, he was pressed back against the door and Alec was kissing him slowly, thoroughly. If Magnus had had any breath to begin with, he would’ve lost it then.

His heart pounded, sending one word echoing over and over in his head. Luckily, Magnus was drunk enough to barely notice.

Eventually, Alec’s lips moved, trailing across Magnus’ cheek, down his jaw before settling on his neck. Magnus’ grip on Alec’s shoulders tightened. What were they doing? he thought, pressing back against the door, moving his head to give Alec better access. How had they gotten here?

Alec was pressed flush against Magnus but he still wanted him closer, so close that he could forget the last two years. So close that he could forget everything.

Magnus trailed his hands to Alec’s face, pulling him back up to his mouth. Nothing— _nothing_ — in the world was better than kissing Alexander Lightwood.

Alec pulled back then, slowly, with a few short kisses between. He was breathing heavily but Magnus barely noticed. Magnus had to force his eyes open. When he did, he found Alec staring down at him. Eyes slightly bloodshot from drinking, narrowed with want. Magnus blinked slowly, eyes trailing across Alec’s face.

His heart pounded. He couldn’t believe this was real. Happening.

Alec stared deep into his eyes, licking his lips slowly. “Magnus,” he finally said.

“Hmm?” Magnus murmured, watching his own hands gliding over Alec’s wide shoulders, down over his more toned than ever arms.

Alec lunged back in like he couldn’t stand it a moment longer. Magnus gasped and melted back into the kiss.

Alec finally got around to talking, pressing kisses to Magnus’ lips between each one. “I—” kiss. “I’ve missed you so much, you have no idea.”

Magnus chuckled but kissed him again, giddy. High off kissing Alec and okay, definitely tipsy from the wine.

“I’ve missed you since the moment we broke up, I’ve regretted it ever since,” Alec said, continuing to kiss Magnus between every couple words.

Magnus froze.

Alec didn’t seem to notice the effect his words had on Magnus, continuing to kiss along Magnus’ neck.

Magnus couldn’t breathe, couldn’t move, couldn’t think.

Then Alec lips were back on his and he reacted, kissing back with everything he had. Because he wanted this, he wanted this so badly. It was all he wanted.

But…not just the kissing, not just the stumbling on the way to Magnus’ bedroom and the things they’d do there — things they hadn’t done together in two very long years. He wanted…he wanted it all. Again. He wanted to be in love and know Alec loved him, too. He wanted to be certain that this was real and they’d make it work this time. He wanted to put his broken heart back together and never have to worry about it again. He wanted dates and soft kisses. Slowly easing back together.

And this…

Wasn’t that.

No, Magnus groaned. No, no, _no_. He couldn’t ruin this. He was drunk enough to forget it all tomorrow. But…but he had to.

***

Magnus pulled back suddenly and, without thinking, Alec dropped his hands from Magnus’ waist. Opening his eyes, he looked up to meet Magnus’ eyes and—no, that was not what he wanted to see there.

“Magnus?” Alec asked, trying to catch his breath.

Magnus gave him a small smile but Alec could see how forced it was, his eyes were dim, sad. A small frown turned his kiss-swollen mouth down slowly.

Alec barely dared to breathe as Magnus reached out, running a hand down Alec’s cheek. He leaned in slowly, pressing the softest kiss to Alec’s lips, making his breath hitch. Alec’s eyes immediately closed again as he reached out for Magnus. But then Magnus was pulling back again.

Alec tried to follow but it was no use. He kept his eyes closed as Magnus said the words he knew were coming.

“We—we can’t do this.”

***

Magnus wanted this, more than anything, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t do it, couldn’t have it. He couldn’t have a short and bittersweet happiness for one night just for everything to be more ruined than ever the next day.

“Why not?” Alec asked as the seconds crawled by.

Those weren’t the words Magnus was expecting so he just repeated them back. “Why not?”

Alec nodded. They were still standing too close, it was distracting. He was too tired, too drunk, to deal with this. He’d barely had the strength to pull back, he just wanted to sleep and wake up and forget this because right then it was hurting, so much. But he wouldn’t, couldn’t, let himself have this. He wouldn’t do that to himself or Alec.

“Because,” Magnus said, making his voice as firm as possible considering he was a shaking wreck. “We’re drunk, too drunk to do this.”

Alec frowned. “I’m not that drunk, I know what I want.” And his eyes locked on Magnus’ and he looked so sure, that Magnus nearly tore apart.

Magnus’ heart beat too fast, threatening to escape. There was a rushing in his ears, a pain in his chest and he was so, so tired. “You are drunk,” was all he said. He didn’t say that that was the problem: Alec wanted this now, while he was drunk, but it was all he wanted and Magnus wanted so much more.

They stared at each other for a moment longer when something dawned in Alec’s eyes and it broke Magnus’ heart all over again. Like he was just realizing what was happening.

“Oh god,” Alec muttered. “I…I should go.”

Magnus wanted nothing more than to stop him, to push him back against the wall, to fall asleep next to him.

Magnus moved to the side so Alec could leave.

***

It wasn’t until his alarm was going off; until he tripped his way to the shower, head pounding more viciously than Alec had ever experienced before that he realized Magnus had been right. He’d been drunker than he thought.

Alec swallowed bile in the shower, feeling the urge to puke not because of the alcohol but because…because Magnus had pushed him back, because he didn’t want it; didn’t want Alec. And Alec had hoped…like an idiot—

How would things ever be okay between them, how could they be friends when he kept fucking this up left and right?

Alec mulled on it all in the shower, sinking into the pit in his stomach but the second the water was off, he shoved it all away. He had things to do and pining over someone who didn’t want him like that anymore…that wasn’t one of them.

***

Magnus was up until five in the morning, avoiding a hangover with lots of tea and coffee. He curled up on his bed with Chairman and a notebook, the same way he’d done millions of times before; writing a song.

The song went through dozens of verses and tweakings as the hours passed; he played with the melody — soft and mournful — and the lyrics — heart-wrenching yet hopeful which just killed him again and again and again but he couldn’t stop, not when he was drowning with the need to write. He brought out his guitar and played it again and again.

He only slept when he was tired enough not to dream; when his eyes ached and his head pounded and it was too much effort to stay sitting up any longer.

This was what Magnus did, this was how Magnus survived. He pulled it all out, ripped open his veins and wrote with his own blood. He got it out, all of it, the good, the bad, his hopes, dreams, wants. Pains and griefs. And then…he worked to forget it.

He named the song “Last Night” and then fell asleep on Chairman Meow.

The night before was a dream; this was reality.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...that happened. ;)  
> It's been a bit since my last update - terribly sorry, I was just focused on finishing two other fics (Addicted To You and My True Love Gave To Me, check them out!) but now this is my main and only fic focus. I am going to do my best to update regularly, once a week but it may take a bit to get that all worked out again. Just know I'll be doing my best to post as fast as possible! Thank you for sticking this angst-fest out so long, I promise we're nearing the end of it and it will be worth it once we arrive safely in fluff-land. If anyone's still wondering about length of the fic I'm still aiming for somewhere between/around 25-30 chapters.
> 
> Thanks for reading you lovely people, I love and appreciate you so much! <3<3<3
> 
> Comments and kudos are love, messages and any nice things inspire me to write faster and I'm on [Tumblr @imawriteriwrite](http://imawriteriwrite.tumblr.com/) if you want to yell/hang out and gush over Shadowhunters FINALLY BEING BACK!!!!


	15. So Lost Without You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec and Magnus work on confronting their feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout out to the most loveliest of betas! <3 I'd die without you guys.
> 
> Title from All Out Of Love by Air Supply  
> "I'm all out of love, I'm so lost without you"

Magnus couldn’t stop thinking, no matter how hard he tried. His mind was going in endless circles. Remembering the other night again and again, imagining it had gone differently. He ignored every call he got because… because he had no idea what the fuck he was doing.

In his lowest moments, he replayed the course of their relationship. From when they first met and Magnus flirted shamelessly, getting lost in Alec’s eyes. To becoming friends, to Magnus slowly falling for him. First kiss. First date. How everything just fell into place, once they let it. The first night they spent together. The months sneaking around, finding any spare moment to be with each other. Stolen weekends and long weeks spent on the phone. To… slowly falling apart.

Magnus could still vividly remember the feeling like he was outside of himself, watching them drift. Things were hard, sneaking around, trying to find time to spend with each other. Magnus was so far in love but he wanted more. He’d tried not to, the last thing he had wanted was to force Alec to come out but… he’d wanted his boyfriend with him when he won album of the year, not jealous because Magnus had taken Tessa and jokingly kissed her on the red carpet.

It was so easy to focus on just the good or just the bad of their relationship, sometimes Magnus forgot to look at it as a whole. He saw the crash and burn ending, the pain that lead up to it and the pain that lingered after. He saw the slow and steady falling; the perfect moments in between. He forgot that it was all those things and more, that it wasn’t doomed from the start and it wasn’t the universe’s fault.

Magnus swallowed, a bad taste coating his mouth as he moved around the loft, searching for his missing shoe. It was no one’s fault, not really. Or both their faults. Everything had just… gone wrong. Magnus could look back and see all the little moments and it felt like it had taken forever, like there was plenty of time to fix things but it hadn’t happened like that. It’d been fast. One thing after another until all that was left was…broken skin and shattered hearts.

They just hadn’t fought hard enough and maybe that was what hurt the most.

Looking back, the awards show was one of the BIG MOMENTS that defined the end of their relationship. Magnus had wanted Alec there, more than anything. In any way. They didn’t have to go together, they didn’t have to walk down the red carpet, they didn’t have to talk once while there; he just wanted to know Alec was there. And Alec… couldn’t do that.

And then one thing after another… And they just… stopped trying. They got stuck. And then it imploded.

Magnus’ phone buzzed, pulling him from his thoughts. He hit ignore without checking the screen. The last three days he’d done everything humanly possible to ignore the world, especially Alec. He couldn’t deal with that, he needed to get to a place he could be just friends with Alec and he wasn’t there yet. As evidenced by the big mistake they’d almost made.

Magnus shook his head, mildly disgusted with himself. On top of Alec, he’d also been ignoring his friends the last three days. All he’d done was for his music, finishing up some recordings, going to the meetings he had to; ignoring Luke’s pointed questions at dinner the night before.

He took a deep breath, he just had tonight to get through — which was something he was actually looking forward to — and then he could go back to L.A.. There’d be miles between Alec and him again and he could just… breathe. Sort himself out. He had to get all those feelings locked up again, which was impossible when he knew Alec was no more than thirty minutes away — and he was still hopelessly in love while knowing things could never work out because too much had happened and Alec didn’t want him anyway… But that was something else entirely.

Maybe he was wrong, maybe he couldn’t be friends or anything with Alec. He could get through the day though, that was easy.

***

Alec had never been in love before Magnus; had never thought he could have that — that he wanted it. He’d had a few dates here and there but he was focused on his career, and in his career… he couldn’t risk being himself, not right away. So there was Lydia, who he pretended to be with for the longest time but they were never more than friends. And then Magnus. Only Magnus. Forever.

He hadn’t realized what was happening at first. Hadn’t recognized his pining as pining. Had only known, subconsciously, how he always wanted to be around Magnus, spend more time with him. But that was normal, he was _Magnus_ after all, everyone was drawn to him. Then there came the urge to kiss him, and slowly Alec realized what it was: a crush. He denied it for the longest time before he couldn’t help himself anymore.

He’d never let himself dream that _Magnus Bane —_ a name everyone in the world knew, an amazing, beautiful, talented person — could want him the same way. But he had. And before Alec knew it… it was real, consuming him in the best way.

There weren’t many memories of their time Alec didn’t remember with crushing clarity but one was brighter, more vivid than all others. He could still remember the smell of sweat and smoke from the special effects. Could still feel the way his heart raced, faster than ever before. Could feel the smile on his face that he hadn’t been able to contain as he stared at Magnus, unable to look away. The realization had come over him slowly and all at once. It was a surprise and too obvious because of course, _of course_ it was love. Hadn’t it always been? From the very first moment they met?

This was the memory edging in all weekend, every time Alec had a free moment. He’d gone to that concert a month or so after they started dating, when it was still a secret. It was the first time Alec surprised Magnus like that at his tour stop in London. Isabelle had gotten him a ticket and he’d watched from up front and then, later, waiting for Magnus in the tour bus — again, thank Izzy — he just sunk further and further into the realization: he was helplessly and completely in love. Alec hadn’t said it then, as they crashed together. It was new, scary. But he’d never been so sure of something than he was of the realization that he never wanted to let Magnus go…

So why had he?

Alec squeezed his eyes shut, burrowing further into his bed and forcing the memory away. Had he ever stopped loving Magnus? Why hadn’t he tried harder? Was it too late? Could Magnus have succeeded where Alec failed in getting over him?

Alec’s heart palpitated, his chest constricting. He laid there another minute before getting up. It was the middle of the night but he couldn’t sleep. Barefoot, he moved out of his room and down the hall to the small gym in their apartment.

He was losing his mind. Magnus wouldn’t talk to him, he kept calling and he wasn’t even sure he wanted Magnus to answer. What would he say? “I know I was drunk but I’m sober now and I still want you?” “I miss you even when we’re in the same room?” “I want to rewrite the last two years.” “What happened to us?” “Can we try again?”

Alec hit the punching bag once for each thought. Again, and again to fight the urge to show up at Magnus’ door. He clearly didn’t want Alec there. Alec hit the bag again and again, his breathing becoming labored, chest too tight until he finally reached out, stopping the swinging bag and resting his forehead against it. His heart raced, blood rushing through his head and blocking out everything else.

Alec had always known he was a good liar, but he’d only just realized he’d been lying to himself for two years and he had no idea what to do now.

***

Magnus was sick of the memories haunting him day and night. He’d started dreaming about them. Remembering…everything. It didn’t help the pain in his heart and confusion in his mind.

He should answer the phone, he thought as it rang again. What if Alec… what if Alec was calling to say he didn’t regret it? The kiss… the almost something. Magnus shook his head, that was exactly why he couldn’t answer. Because he had hope but…but if Alec felt the same way that Magnus did then… they wouldn’t need to be drunk to be in the same room. And Magnus wasn’t sure he could face the other option, that Alec was calling to apologize, to say he hadn't meant it and he’d been stupid…

Magnus groaned, pushing off the couch and moving to shower. He had things to do, he couldn’t keep reliving the other night again and again, wishing it’d gone differently. Wishing he’d let Alec stay.

He couldn’t agonize over the fact that he didn’t even know what he was more scared of; Alec not wanting him anymore, or Alec wanting exactly what Magnus did; to erase the last years. Go back in time and stop…all of this from ever happening. Even if Alec did want to try again…how could they ever get past all of this?

Magnus squeezed his eyes shut tight in the shower, letting the water drown out his thoughts so he wouldn’t completely lose his mind

***

Alec couldn’t remember anymore, why they had broken up. It was all just… a jumbled mess. Everything got complicated and he’d bailed. By the time he’d realized that, a day after breaking up — when he realized how stupid he’d been — he’d been hurt that Magnus hadn’t even tried to stop him. And then the interview happened and…everything had just blown up. Maybe Magnus was right, maybe they’d always been doomed.

But… maybe they could have a second chance. Was he being stupid? Did Magnus even want that? He’d pushed Alec away, again. He always pushed Alec away. Two years ago, just days ago.

Alec didn’t understand his own thoughts anymore. He had no idea what he wanted or what to do. So he called Isabelle.

Isabelle’s voice came over the phone after the first ring. Loud and demanding. “Are you being stupid again?”

Alec froze, mid-pacing. “How’d you know?” he asked.

“Magnus is in New York right now and he hasn’t replied to any of my messages in three days. You’re in New York right now and have a habit of breaking his heart,” Isabelle replied without hesitation.

Alec’s heart pounded, knocking painfully against his ribcage. He swallowed, going for lighthearted. “Hey! He broke my heart too.”

Alec flopped down on the couch, screwing his eyes shut as flashes of the last weeks of their relationship played through his mind. Magnus pulling away, pushing Alec away. And Alec had been so confused and panicked and —

“I know and I hate him a little for that but…” Isabelle said hesitantly, interrupting Alec’s thoughts.

“But?” Alec asked.

“But he thought it was real,” she said, sending a sharp pain through Alec’s heart. “At the airport. And you didn’t spend a four-hour flight with him after… it shattered him.”

Alec couldn’t breathe, it felt like there was broken glass in his chest, cutting up his heart one breath at a time. Magnus had thought it was real… Magnus was shattered when it wasn’t…

Alec cut off his thoughts before they could get too far, before they could give him hope.

“Alec?” Isabelle prompted. “I was teasing about you doing something else stupid. Please tell me you didn’t?”

Alec shook his head, he didn’t know how to answer that question. Had he done something stupid? Yes. But what? What was the stupidest part? Going to Magnus’ the other night. Getting drunk and kissing him? Or did it go all the way back to the beginning, for letting this fake relationship happen in the first place? Or was it the ultimate thing, the dumbest thing Alec had done in his whole life, breaking up with Magnus in the first place?

Alec didn’t like this feeling in his chest, this feeling of doom. Like there was no hope. Like… like he was giving up. Like he was dying.

Alec rubbed his face, shaking his head. “I have no idea what I’m doing Iz,” he said in a soft voice.

“Tell me everything,” she said immediately. Alec could hear her getting settled on the other end of the phone and was suddenly overwhelmed with homesickness. He was in New York, in their apartment, but it didn’t feel like home without Isabelle there, in person, to tell him he was being stupid.

He sighed, opening his eyes to stare at the ceiling as he told Isabelle… everything.

“Do you want him back?” Isabelle asked when he was done. “For real?”

Alec swallowed dryly, shaking his head even though no one could see it. “I don’t know yet… I just — I want to fix things. I want to talk to him. I think… I want to try… to — to see what happens? But that’s stupid, isn’t it? How could anything happen, after all this time?”

“You’re an idiot,” Isabelle said abruptly. “You both are. Neither of you has any idea that the other has been waiting two years for you to come to your senses and you’re just dancing around each other, hurting each other and yourselves,” she said all in a rush before pausing.

“He’s performing tonight. If you don’t go there and try to talk to him, I will kick your ass, Alec.”

Alec was sure his heart would claw its way from his chest any moment now but — but _fuck,_ he needed to go to that concert. To see Magnus, to — to try to figure this out because who was he kidding? Of course, he wanted Magnus back, he was just…just terrified. What if Magnus didn’t want him anymore? What if they couldn’t make it work and they just shattered against each other once again?

“I’m serious, I will kill you, Alec.”

***

When Magnus got to the hotel he’d be singing atop for the night, everything in him calmed. This was what he did, what he loved. This was pulse racing as he sung his heart out. This was putting on a show and having fun. This was real life and it was exactly what Magnus needed to get his head on straight. He shouldn’t be focusing on Alec and all that drama right now. He should be focusing on his fourth album that he was nearly done recording, diving into it head first. He should be focused on his career, his music — his one true love.

Magnus swallowed the lump in his throat, ignoring the pit in his stomach and moving to direct the borrowed stage hands and start sound check.

He just needed to forget Alec. Forget everything but tonight and the music. Easy.

***

Alec had texted Hodge who quickly procured a pass to the intimate meet and greet and free concert Magnus was holding that night. Hodge texted repeatedly, reminding Alec to get pictures to post later — Alec ignored him, turning off his phone.

He dressed slowly, in his normal outfit of a black shirt and matching pants. Now he stood, staring at the front door in his jacket, hand outstretched to open the door. He just stood there, frozen, heart racing too fast, too hard, in his chest. He couldn’t breathe.

What was he doing?

“What are you doing?”

Alec jumped, whirling around. “Shit,” he said, grabbing his chest as his heart beat even faster. He’d all but forgotten Jace was even there, he’d been out all night the night before and slept all day. Now he stood halfway to the kitchen in an old shirt and boxers, staring at Alec like he was crazy when Jace had only just woken up and his hair literally stood up in a million different directions.

“I—I’m going out,” Alec said, clearing his throat as Jace continued to watch him.

“You have to actually open the door to do that, you know,” Jace said, shaking his head and moving around Alec to open the door.

“Wait!” Alec called as Jace twisted the door knob. Jace paused, letting go of the door and giving Alec another crazed look.

Jace held his hands up in surrender. “Is there something terrible waiting on the other side?” he asked.

Alec stuffed his shaking hands into his pockets, breathing out deeply. “No,” he said, screwing his eyes shut. Then, “Maybe?”

Jace laughed, patting Alec on the back and heading to the kitchen again. Alec followed. This was a sign. He shouldn’t go. What would he do anyway? Magnus didn’t want to talk to him and Alec… Alec had no idea what he wanted. Not really. It just — he thought that if he could just talk to Magnus…everything would become clear suddenly. They could look at it in a detached manner and just… figure out what this was. What they should do.

Alec groaned, collapsing on a bar stool and hiding his face in his hands.

“You want to talk or something?” Jace offered.

Alec groaned again.

“Go for it, man,” Jace teased.

Alec opened his eyes to glare, finding Jace on the other side of the counter, pouring cereal. Before he could stop himself, he was blurting, “Magnus has a concert tonight. I was going to go to… to talk to him.”

“He might be a little busy,” Jace said, turning to the fridge.

Alec snorted. “Ha. I meant after; he’s been ignoring me,” he admitted.

Jace turned around again, nodding knowingly. “I assume this has to do with you coming home trashed the other night?”

Alec sighed, shaking his head. He hadn’t known Jace had seen him. “We had drinks.”

“And?” Jace prompted, leaning against the counter to eat his cereal.

“Are those marshmallows?” Alec asked, staring at Jace’s cereal.

 _“And?”_ Jace repeated.

“ _And_ ,” Alec said, running a hand through his hair. “We kissed. And… and I miss him. I’ve been missing him for two fucking years and…” Alec paused, taking in a deep breath. He looked up slowly, meeting Jace’s eyes. “And I think I made the worst mistake of my life two years ago…how do you fix something like that?”

Jace froze, growing serious, the smile on his face dimming. He shook his head slowly, setting down his bowl. “You just… do it. Right?” he said. “There’s no other way.”

Alec swallowed. Nodded. He felt like he was going to puke.

“Come on, Alec,” Jace said, rounding the kitchen. “I know _you_ , and I know you want him back and believe me, I understand being worried he doesn’t feel the same or he does but it’s been so long he’s not willing to try again or any of a million other things but…”

Alec’s heart raced, his breath coming harder now.

Jace looked up, offering a smile. “But sure, that might happen,” he said. “But…what if he does want it and you’re both just hurting each other because you won’t _fucking_ talk? What if he does want you and is just…waiting. Do you want to keep him waiting?”

Alec shook his head. He couldn’t think, he couldn’t get enough air to breathe. God, he could not let himself imagine Magnus wanted this, too, because… then what happened? They’d… date? What did ‘trying’ even mean? It’d been _two. Years_.

“I can’t breathe,” Alec admitted, millions of possible outcomes to the night whirling through his mind.

Jace grinned, patting him on the shoulder again. “That’s how you know this is something you have to do.”

***

The meet and greet was something Magnus liked to surprise his fans with every occasionally. He’d book out a rooftop venue and tweet it to his followers an hour or so before he would be there. The first there got in, along with a few handpicked people who’d sent him fan mail or the like, that Magnus wanted to surprise.

He’d been doing it since his first album came out and it’d been months since the last. It was always easier to arrange in New York, surprisingly enough.

Magnus tried to never forget the fact that he grew up on the streets of Brooklyn. That, once upon a time, he was just a kid with what he thought was a stupid dream, looking up to other artists in the vague hope he could one day be like them. He’d worked hard to get where he was, but he never would’ve made it without his fans.

This was where Magnus was most comfortable. No second guessing himself, no panic. This he knew how to do.

Everything was going well. It was like the second he got on stage for sound check hours before, everything bad — all his twirling thoughts; all his worries — had just…melted away. He was relaxed and happy, enjoying himself as he signed posters and talked to fans.

Then he looked up. He didn’t know why, what pulled his gaze away from the fan he was talking to and straight to the other side of the rooftop. The sun was just beginning its slow descent, the twinkle lights hung across the roof had been turned on but the stage was still dark. Magnus’ eyes were drawn straight towards him as he walked through the door, onto the roof.

Magnus’ heart froze at the sight of Alec. What was he doing here? His pulse raced as one of the event organizers gestured Alec to the side where special guests waited. Magnus couldn’t breathe. He wasn’t supposed to be here; why was he here?

Magnus’ palms went sweaty, mouth dry. He lost all train of thought as he took in Alec and he hated that the sight still made him forget that anything else existed.

It took an embarrassingly long time, in which Magnus struggled to remember how to breathe, for him to realize there was still fans in front of him, trying to talk to him.

“Sorry, dear,” Magnus said, turning to the nearest girl with his best heartbreaker grin. “What were you saying?”

Magnus forced his attention to his fans but there was a layer of white noise filling his brain, he couldn’t focus, he couldn’t think. His chest was too tight. Was this panic? Was he panicking? Could he really not stand to see Alec that badly? That he panicked when he showed up? Or…or was he just so terrified to talk to him, to find out what he had to say, what happened next, that he was driving himself insane?

Magnus shook his head, forcing the thoughts away. He was here for his fans, he had to focus on them.

The rest of the meet and greet passed too quickly, Magnus managed to ignore the looming presence behind him — it felt looming even though Magnus had no clue if Alec was even still there because he refused to turn and look. He talked to his fans, had a good time. And then the line drew to an end, and there was nothing to do but turn around.

Alec was still there. Watching Magnus with this look on his face, this look like Magnus held all the answers to every question in the universe.

Magnus swallowed dryly, pretending he didn’t notice Alec as he allowed his bodyguards for the night to lead him back inside, to the elevator down to the room where he was going to get ready.

Magnus closed the door safely behind him, leaning back as a wave of vertigo overcame him. He closed his eyes tightly as his heart raced. What was wrong with him? It was nothing. Hodge had probably just sent Alec.

Once he’d calmed, Magnus crossed the room to the small bar, pouring himself just a sip of scotch that he swallowed quickly before pulling his phone out.

He told himself he wouldn’t care. It was for the best if Hodge sent Alec and it meant nothing if he hadn’t anyway. Still, his heart sank when he found the message from Catarina, warning him Hodge had asked for a ticket for Alec for the night.

Alec had been sent. He didn’t come to see Magnus. It was just for the lie.

Magnus screwed his eyes shut again, shaking his head as his heart pitter-pattered along. Of course, Alec was here for the deception because there was nothing else. Nothing else for Alec here. Nothing else between them. Nothing but Magnus’ broken, shattered heart and that wasn’t much of anything at all, was it?

Magnus was halfway to the bathroom to get ready — he had just enough time to change and relax for a few minutes, he didn’t want to keep his fans waiting after all — when there was a soft knock on the door.

Magnus froze, heart kicking back to life. He didn’t mean to cross his fingers, to briefly closing his eyes. He didn’t mean to think, _please let it be Alec_.

But he did and then he crossed the room to open the door, heart on his sleeve.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter we have things coming up, including Magnus' concert and further reveals about their breakup! This was like the set up to all that and just things are gonna get real, okay?
> 
> I'm not going to make promises on posting because I just jinx myself, all I'm going to say is I'm doing my best to get on a regular schedule and I love you for putting up with me. XD Also I've started posting previews on Tumblr off and on so make sure to follow me for updates!
> 
> Kudos and comments are life. You can yell at me on [Tumblr @imawriteriwrite](http://imawriteriwrite.tumblr.com/)  
> and make my day. Love you, thank you for reading, next chapter hopefully soon as it's an important one!  
> <3<3<3


	16. I didn't come here to hurt you, now I can't stop

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything comes to a head at Magnus' concert.
> 
> (And I continue to write synopses that sound like episodes of a soap opera)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout out to my amazing betas without whom, I would be very sad! And shout out to the anon who sent me a Paparazzi playlist! <3  
> Lastly, for Georgia, I'm sorry and I love you.
> 
> Chapter title from Already Gone by Sleeping at Last

Magnus took a deep breath before opening the door. His pulse raced, his chest rose and fell rapidly with his heartbeat and the world crashed and burned when he saw who waited on the other side of the door. Or, more specifically, who didn’t.

Magnus saw red the moment the disappointment passed, mouth turning down, eyes narrowing in a glare.

“Sebastian.”

***

Alec stood around, fidgeting nervously. There was a horrible pit in his stomach, making him sick every time he thought about talking to Magnus.

What was he doing? What would he even say to Magnus? He had no real plan, just this jittery feeling in his bloodstream, this anxious need to see Magnus and talk to him. So that was the plan. It was horrible and not even really a plan but it would have to do.

Alec had thought about slipping back to talk to Magnus before the concert but the last thing he wanted to do was mess him up before his show.

Unfortunately, Alec had overlooked one thing: by coming to the concert, he would actually have to watch Magnus perform. Live. Something he hadn’t done since they broke up. Something he’d actively avoided just weeks before.

Alec swallowed a lump in his throat, holding himself back from pacing by leaning against the wall that surrounded the edge of the roof, looking out over the city and focusing on breathing.

***

Sebastian Morgenstern had earned the title of Satan #2 by being a sleazy bastard and it took every ounce of self-control Magnus had not to punch him. He hadn’t seen Sebastian in person in over two years — he’d thought the boy was smarter than this.

“Magnus Bane,” Sebastian said in a silky-smooth voice. He leaned casually against the doorway, every gesture perfectly thought out and executed to portray a calm indifference. In all honesty, he was a good actor. Magnus could admit it because there was nothing Sebastian was better at than convincing people he wasn’t indeed the devil. Apparently, that was as far as his acting skills went however as he’d never made the name for himself his father had wanted, resorting to running his little gossip website when rumor spread of his viciousness and no one would hire him.

Magnus took a deep breath, calming the rage and sending sneaking memories away. His teeth were still gritted, hands clenched into fists when he said, “You’re not welcome here.”

Magnus promptly moved to close the door but Sebastian was faster, sticking his foot out to stop it before slipping inside. “I just want to have a conversation, between friends,” he said, smirking.

Magnus forced another deep breath, unclenching his hands. He could play this game, he thought, shaking out his shoulders; he was king of this game.

Sebastian moved to the bar and poured himself a drink. “Anyway. Long time no see,” he said, smirking at Magnus over his shoulder. “How have you been, Magnus?”

“I try not to spend too much time with psychopaths these days,” Magnus said casually.

Sebastian gasped, resting a hand over his chest — which Magnus was willing to bet was empty, no way there was a heart in there. “You wound me.”

“Bite me,” Magnus replied, glancing down at his nails. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a show to prepare for.”

Magnus thought he was doing fairly good, breathing evenly, keeping the memories at bay. Very good. And then Sebastian had to go and ruin it.

“Come on, Magnus, lighten up,” he said, grinning. _Grinning._

Magnus shook his head, even after all the crap Sebastian had done he couldn’t quite believe this. That he’d come to Magnus’ dressing room and actually pretend like he didn’t know exactly what he’d done two years ago. Like he didn’t know that he’d ruined Magnus’ life — at least the life Magnus had been trying to have.

Magnus was shaking, he realized it suddenly and curled his hands back into fists to control himself. He never lost control of his emotions like this, he worked hard to ensure he didn’t.

Sebastian held his hands up in surrender. “I’m sorry,” he said, very clearly not sorry. “Can we start over? I just came for a little pre-show interview, for the website, you know. Good publicity and all, with all the rumors circulating of a new album from you.”

The anger left Magnus all at once until all he could do was shake his head and chuckle softly. “You honestly think I would give you an interview?” he asked, looking back up at Sebastian in his all black suit, hair a perfectly tousled mess, smirking like he had no care in the world. “After everything you’ve done,” Magnus added, glaring. The anger was gone but the heat behind it remained, that he would have the audacity to show up at Magnus’ show…

“Done?” Sebastian asked, rolling his eyes. “What have I _done_? My job. That’s all.”

“Oh, when did blackmail become a part of journalism — wait. Don’t answer that,” Magnus said, moving closer to the other man who continued to lean against the bar. “You aren’t a journalist, you’re a gossip writer with a trash site. Everyone knows everything on your little website is nothing but a lie. But ruining someone’s life, isn’t that going a little too far?” Magnus demanded, stopping right in front of Sebastian so the other man had no choice but to meet his gaze.

“Don’t be a drama queen,” Sebastian said, rolling his eyes. “I didn’t ruin your life — or _Alexander’s,”_ he taunted and Magnus had never wanted to hit someone so badly. No one was allowed to call Alec that, especially not this piece of crap, Magnus thought feeling the anger creeping back.

“All _I_ did,” Sebastian taunted. “Was release a little picture.”

Magnus’ heartbeat picked up speed, memories rushing to the front of his mind. Alec pacing, freaking out when Sebastian sent them copies of the photos he’d taken. The fights. Laying curled in bed, Magnus assuring Alec everything would be fine.

Magnus hadn’t wanted to give in but Alec had seen no other choice. So they had — of course they had, Magnus would’ve paid any amount of money to protect Alec. And Sebastian — as if blackmail wasn’t enough.

“You didn’t have to release the pictures,” Magnus couldn’t help but say, vibrating with anger once again. “We _paid_ you.”

Sebastian smirked, quirking an eyebrow. “I merely give the people what they want, it’s my job. It’s not my fault they want such depraved things.”

Magnus opened his mouth, not knowing what he was going to say. Before any words could come out they were interrupted.

“Magnus,” Luke called, slipping into the room. “What’s going on here?” he asked, quickly assessing the situation. Magnus could practically _feel_ Luke going all mama bear to protect him.

Sebastian went slightly pale at the sight of Luke, dressed casually but with his arms folded and glare in place. Magnus turned away from Sebastian, moving past him to grab a bottle of water from the mini fridge, hands shaking.

“You aren’t welcome here, Mr. Morgenstern. I suggest you leave,” Luke said without hesitation.

Sebastian didn’t linger, slipping out without another word.

“You okay?” Luke asked, moving towards Magnus after he shut the door firmly.

Magnus nodded, sipping his water. His nerves were on fire and he was the opposite of the relaxed state he liked to be in before a performance. All the memories he’d been trying to force out of his mind were now front and center and he was… _tired_. Magnus was just so tired of all of this. He just wanted to move on.

“I hate that little creep,” Luke said, shivering visibly. “He freaks me out. It’s his eyes, they’re so…dead. Have you noticed?”

Magnus just nodded. Luke didn’t know about the blackmail, he knew about the pictures Sebastian had released, knew at least in part that it led to the break up because Alec couldn’t take the pressure anymore and Magnus couldn’t take the lying and sneaking around. But he didn’t know about the nights Magnus and Alec had spent fighting over Sebastian’s pictures. He didn’t know about the pictures Sebastian hadn’t released, the ones of them kissing instead of just holding hands and hugging — private moments Magnus still didn’t know how he’d ever captured. It was enough, though, for speculation. For Alec to freak out. For everything to fall apart.

“Magnus,” Luke said in a tone that made it clear it wasn’t the first time he’d said Magnus’ name.

“Hmm?” Magnus asked, looking up.

“You don’t have much time,” Luke said, watching him intently. “You should get ready.”

Magnus nodded. “Right.”

Magnus turned to head to the bathroom. His pre-show ritual was simple, it included loud dance music and relaxation while doing his hair and makeup. There was tea to calm him and he preferred to be alone.

“Wait,” Luke called. Magnus turned back and Luke tossed him a box of tea. Magnus glanced down at it, finding his favorite tea and frowning. “The hotel had this?” he asked.

Luke shook his head. “Alec brought it.”

***

Alec used to go to Magnus’ concerts whenever he could, Isabelle would get him a ticket and he’d watch from the crowd before slipping backstage to surprise Magnus. There wasn’t much he loved more than watching Magnus perform. He’d fallen in love the first time watching Magnus. Alec would be invisible in the crowd, heart racing, thinking ‘I can’t believe he’s mine’.

Alec swallowed, shaking his head of the memories. He could clearly remember the last time he saw Magnus perform, it was before they broke up but things were already…not right. It didn’t feel the same and Alec had known it was his fault, he had to make a decision. They both wanted it, so much. To stop hiding and sneaking around. To take the next step in their relationship but neither of them would say it and things were getting out of control. Alec had still lost himself though, watching Magnus. He’d spent a week on the tour bus with Magnus after that and things had been perfect again, Alec had thought they could work through it.

Behind him, Magnus’ fans started screaming. Alec went stiff, back straight. He faced away from the crowd and stage, heart lunging for freedom. Alec’s breath stuttered in and out painfully as he stared down at his hands, clenching them into fists.

There’d been one other time Alec had shown up to a concert but left before he could actually see Magnus. It was a week after the breakup and Alec never told anyone. Because he was an idiot. And he’d known that immediately. He knew it the second he broke up with Magnus. The moment he stepped into the hall outside Magnus’ apartment and the whole walk home that day. He was miserable that week, it was one of the worst of his life. He’d wanted to fix it, convinced himself he could. Until he saw the interview.

He hadn’t even meant to watch it. It started out normal and Alec could remember watching it that morning, searching Magnus’ face on his iPad, looking for any sign that he was heartbroken but he’d looked fine…perfect.

The questions had quickly turned to Magnus’ music, the new album. “The gossip sites are reeling with rumors that you’ve decided to change the whole album that’s supposed to come out next month, is this true?” the interviewer had asked. Alec could remember every word that was said, the expressions on Magnus’ face, what Magnus was wearing — dark purple pants, a tight lavender button up and a vest. But nothing about the interviewer even though he’d watched it a million times.

“Yes, I can confirm that the rumors are true. The album was done, recorded and everything, but I realized I wanted to tell a different story with this one. I actually just finished writing the last song,” Magnus had explained, smiling mysteriously the whole time.

“So, tell us, what’s the new story?”

Alec remembered not being able to breathe as Magnus’ eyes flashed with pain just for a moment before he shifted on the couch and the cocky grin returned. “It’s…it’s a love story, I guess you could say. Heartbreak… In the end, I like to say it’s about life’s disappointments; the highs and the lows.”

“Interesting. Now, is it still coming out as planned? I assume there might be a delay?”

“We’re doing what we can to still get it out on time, I have some very dedicated people helping me out.”

Alec had barely been aware of anything else, the first time he watched the interview, but he remembered feeling confused. Magnus had spent months on the album and he changed it all in the span of a week.

“Okay so let’s talk a little about the inspiration for this new album?”

Magnus hadn’t hesitated, turning to face the camera as he spoke. “I was seeing someone, it was serious but…you know how those things go. One person wants to keep it a secret…never lasts.”

White noise had filled Alec’s mind but it wasn’t loud enough to drown out Magnus’ words.

“It kind of defined a lot of my life recently and it ended suddenly…it just threw me into this transitional time in my life and I wanted to write about it while it was fresh — I find that the songs you’re compelled to write like that are often the ones the world needs. Before I knew it, I had a whole album or more worth of songs.”

“A mystery relationship? Were you in love with her?”

Alec had frozen then, on the edge of his seat.

“Him,” Magnus had corrected immediately and Alec nearly choked. “I…thought I was. He wasn’t out. It was a lot of sneaking around, you know how fun that is at first. But…things happen.”

Alec could remember perfectly the shock he’d felt, his body suddenly weighing a thousand pounds as he sank back into his seat. For weeks, months — hell _years_ — those words had haunted Alec _“I thought I was”_.

The rest of the interview was a blur Alec didn’t know how to process.

“Heartbreak is great writing material,” the interviewer had prompted knowingly.

“That it is.”

“So the picture…you know the one, with a certain dark haired actor?”

This was the moment the world had rushed back in, Alec’s heart lunging for his throat.

“Alec is a close friend,” Magnus had said casually.

“So…the mystery man?”

Magnus had stared at his fingers, fidgeting and Alec had thought, there was no way. Magnus would deny it, just like every other time. “Well…is it even a mystery anymore?” Magnus had asked, winking at the camera.

That was the moment Alec’s heart had broken but he still went to the concert that night, two years ago. He had the schedule memorized, Isabelle had gotten him tickets before…he couldn’t help himself. He felt like he was dying, wanting nothing more than to slip backstage, than to pull Magnus close the second he left the stage and…and what? It was over. Alec had ended it. And the interview — sharp pain had gone through Alec’s stomach at the thought.

He’d left before the concert even started. He’d gone home and told himself to move on, told himself it didn’t matter, it was over and he was fine. A lie he continued to tell himself for two years.

Now Alec was frozen in place once again and it felt all too much like history repeating itself.

***

“For heaven’s sake, still?” Ragnor groaned. “Do you know what time it is in London?”

“No idea,” Magnus replied, checking over his makeup and hair once more. “Late?” he suggested.

“Very late,” Ragnor grumbled. Magnus had no idea how Ragnor could make even the happiest of sentences sound grumpy, but he could. He was even worse when woken in the middle of the night.

“It’s tradition,” Magnus said firmly. He knew it was ridiculous but there were only a few things he insisted on, and Ragnor wishing him luck in his grumpy way before a performance was one of them.

“Break a bloody leg,” Ragnor bit out, hanging up.

Magnus grinned happily at his reflection, turning his phone off.

The speakers were still on loud enough that Magnus couldn’t hear himself think and over the course of the last half hour he’d managed to find his happy place while getting ready. He was perfectly calm and relaxed — if only he could keep it up.

Luke waited for him in the sitting room, scrolling through his phone. “Ready?” Luke asked, standing.

“Almost,” Magnus said, stretching. After a few stretches, he dropped to the ground and did a few pushups — to get his blood flowing. “Ready,” Magnus said, standing up.

This was his first concert in months, all he’d done was a few small performances. He was ready for this. He’d play a few new songs, he’d lose himself in the music. He’d forget that Alec was even there.

***

Taking a deep breath, Alec finally turned to watch Magnus perform.

Alec had forgotten how…hypnotizing watching Magnus perform could be. It wasn’t just the way he moved, how beautiful he was in everything he did. But it was the music, and Magnus’ voice and…and everything. Magnus was never more Magnus than when he was performing. And suddenly it was clear to Alec why he’d been avoiding this. Watching Magnus perform again, it was all too easy to remember what it felt like to fall in love with him.

Alec looked away from the stage, turning his back to the crowd — he was having trouble breathing. The sun had sunk, the stars mostly hidden by all the lights that were strung up around the rooftop. The stage was at one end, crowded by a good hundred fans. It was much tamer than most of Magnus’ concerts. There was the occasional scream here and there, but mostly the fans were just singing along, entrapped by Magnus as much as Alec always had been; as much as Alec still was.

Alec curled his hands into fists; he really needed to get himself under control. He stood off to the side, near where a bunch of the security for the event were watching.

Alec stared out over the edge of the roof for a few minutes, breathing deeply, before turning back.

Control yourself Lightwood, he told himself sternly. You can do this.

The stage wasn’t as big as most the one’s Magnus performed on, just enough room for Magnus in front of the band. It meant less of Magnus’ choreography that needed more room and always lead to him playing more acoustic songs. Magnus had a thing for playing his faster, more pop-y songs on an acoustic guitar for reasons Alec had never been able to figure out.

Just then, Magnus was in the middle of one of his older songs, his wireless mic looped around his ear as he moved seamlessly through his choreography. Magnus had always been big about incorporating dance into his music, never one to stay still much on stage.

His hair was spiked up, eyes lost in the shining lights, clothes glittering as always. Slowly, without even realizing it, Alec let himself relax, getting lost in Magnus. In Magnus dancing about; Magnus smiling as he sung, letting everything else go. In Magnus stopping to take a drink of water and shouting out to his fans like it was the easiest thing in the world.

Alec had always been in awe of Magnus, in his ability to be so…so comfortable. His ability not to let things go to his head, to own everything he was. His career, his personal life. Off stage he was just like anyone else, he never let the fame get to him. But on stage he commanded attention effortlessly.

God, Alec thought, staring up at Magnus, his heart racing, pulse throbbing, how had he ever convinced himself he wasn’t completely enamored by this man? Alec knew then that there was nothing he wanted more than to fix things, to…to make up for everything that had happened. Even if it was hard, even if it hurt.

The next few minutes passed in a blur, Alec fidgeted nervously, wanting the concert to end so he could finally — _finally_ — talk to Magnus.

***

Magnus could remember writing most of the songs he’d ever written, remember exactly what he felt when he sat down and penned them. Some were clearer than others and he remembered nothing about writing his first single beyond the excitement of knowing this was it.

The song he was now silently debating with himself — the song he’d been debating playing all night — he remembered every detail of writing. Some songs flowed out, nearly perfect from the start. Some came in starts and stalls. Some had changed completely by the time they were recorded. This one though, Magnus hadn’t changed a thing about it after first writing it.

He’d never really intended to release it but he’d played it one night at a concert in Soho. It’d been an impulsive decision, he’d played it alone, on the piano. And the fans had gone crazy for it and the record company had all but begged and pleaded.

The thing was, this song…it was Alec’s. Since the moment Magnus wrote it, it’d been for Alec and no one else. Alec had acted like Magnus was crazy the night he asked him if he was okay with Magnus releasing it, but it was and had always been, a gift for Alec. The night he’d played it live had been because he looked out at the crowd and saw Alec standing there, a complete surprise, holding up a sign that was just like a dozen others, proclaiming love for Magnus and Magnus hadn’t been able to stop himself.

Magnus debated it again and again but when it was finally time for the acoustic portion of the concert, he made up his mind impulsively.

***

Alec wasn’t aware of moving forward, slipping through the crowd until he stood directly in front of Magnus, a few rows back from the stage. He didn’t notice the fans crowding in around him, his eyes were locked on Magnus as he slowly strummed the glitter covered guitar that rested in his lap.

Alec’s eyes took in every little detail, Magnus’ dark nails resting on the guitar, the way he slowly tapped one foot, biting his lower lip, eyes half closed as he tuned the guitar. The way the skin around his eyes crinkled when the tuning was off and the little smile that curled up the right side of his mouth when he finally got it right. Even from the middle of the crowd, Alec could see that Magnus was thinking hard, it was noticeable in the way he wasn’t already talking, filling the silence like he normally would.

When Magnus’ eyes finally opened all the way, they roamed over the crowd. Alec swallowed drily when Magnus’ eyes locked on him. Neither of them looked away for a charged minute that had Alec’s heartbeat slowing down.

He breathed deeply, hands clenching. He was still working up the courage to talk to Magnus, still working out what to say, still half trying to talk himself out of it. Because…it was a terrible idea, wasn’t it?

 _No_ , Alec told himself firmly. Without meaning to, he found himself smiling up at Magnus who frowned before quickly looking away.

“Around this time,” Magnus started after clearing his throat a few times. He nodded thanks as one of the helping hands brought him a cup, Magnus took a small sip before speaking again. “Like I was saying, around this time, I usually like to break out the guitar, prove that I can indeed play instruments. Show off a little,” he added, strumming a few notes before making a last minor adjustment and strumming a few more. The crowd chuckled like they were supposed to, under the spell of Magnus Bane.

“Tonight,” he added, still strumming softly. Alec’s eyes were locked on his fingers as they moved slowly and carefully up and down the guitar. “I have a special guest,” he said and Alec’s eyes widened when he looked up to realize Magnus was staring right at him again.

Alec frowned, confused. Then he noticed the smirking edge to Magnus’ smile right before it turned soft. It was for show, Alec realized, heart plummeting.

“So this first one goes out to him.”

Alec couldn’t breathe, suddenly reminded of a moment all too much like this one. Magnus had dedicated dozens of songs to him on stage but one in particular… Alec’s heart sank as the opening notes started, Magnus’ gaze pulled back to the crowd, smile in place. He looked so…sincere, Alec thought, a bitter taste covering his tongue.

He shouldn’t have come.

***

Magnus wrote this song in the near dark, with just a few rays of sunlight slipping through the curtains as Alec slept next to him. Magnus was supposed to be on a plane, headed to Japan to start the next leg of his tour. He’d had only a few days break, spending every moment with Alec, lying around watching crappy TV and soaking up each other’s presence. That morning, he was supposed to fly out, but Alec wouldn’t let him go, holding Magnus tight.

“Not yet,” he’d muttered, still half asleep.

“I have a plane to catch, Alexander,” Magnus had laughed but made no further move to leave, running his fingers through Alec’s hair. They’d stayed like that for another hour, Magnus wasting all the time he had to get ready. “I really have to go now,” he’d muttered feeling like his heart was turning to stone in his chest because leaving was the last thing he wanted to do. It’d been haunting him all week, the thought that this wouldn’t last long, that they wouldn’t see each other for weeks.

Magnus had slipped from bed, Alec sitting up slowly behind him. Magnus was half dressed when Alec reached out, snatching his arm and pulling him back to bed. Magnus was weak and didn’t take much convincing.

“Can’t you stay just one more day?” he’d asked, kissing Magnus’ palm.

Magnus had stood at the side of the bed, Alec on his knees on the bed staring at Magnus with puppy dog eyes. “Your first show isn’t for another three days,” Alec added.

Magnus had sighed, looking away forlornly even though he’d already made up his mind. Luke could easily book him a new flight. “I don’t know…” he’d said teasingly.

“Shut up,” Alec had teased back, pulling Magnus closer. “You know you’re staying, you love me.”

Alec had paused then, frozen on his knees on the bed, Magnus still standing over him. The room was charged as Alec frowned, thinking. Neither of them had said it yet, Magnus had been waiting for the right moment…

Magnus opened his mouth to break the silence, he no longer remembered what he’d been about to say, something to wave away the words but Alec had spoken first.

“I hope you love me anyway,” he’d said, meeting Magnus’ eyes. “Because I love you, quite a bit, I have for a while now.”

Magnus pushed the memory safely to the back of his mind but it was too late, it’d already played out in fast-forward in his mind, making it hard to breathe. But Magnus was a professional, he shut down the feeling part of him, and played.

He regretted it the moment he started playing it but it was too late, the fans were buzzing excitedly at the opening chords, pulling out their phones and the occasional lighter to hold high in the dark night.

Magnus told himself this song meant nothing even as a sick feeling filled his chest. What was this? Revenge for Alec not wanting him anymore?

Magnus couldn’t recognize himself in that moment but he wouldn’t let it show, shoving his thoughts far away so he could lose himself in the music once more. Something that was harder than ever with a pair of hazel eyes staring at him defiantly.

***

Alec couldn’t breathe, a million emotions coming over him, drowning him in memories.

Waking up at three in the morning, Magnus sitting on the edge of the bed, guitar in his lap as he hummed under his breath, scribbling madly on a pad of paper. Laughing as Magnus fell off the bed when Alec suddenly asked what he was doing. And then sitting there, Magnus staring right in his eyes as he played the song for the first time.

Alec could still remember with aching clarity the feelings that had come over him, staring in awe and wonder at Magnus as he played. Alec couldn’t believe Magnus would write a song for him and that song…

Alec hadn’t been able to get it out of his head for weeks, it was the only thing that got him through Magnus’ tour through Japan when they didn’t see each other for weeks. Every time he heard it, he was overwhelmed all over again. It was a song about their relationship easily identifiable by the small details hidden in the lyrics. But it was more than that, it was…was Magnus falling in love with him. And Alec didn’t think he’d believed it, that Magnus could love him back, until that moment.

During the weeks that followed the breakup, Alec had avoided all of Magnus’ music like the plague except for the low moments, in the middle of the night when he was feeling bitter and angry.

One time, months after the breakup, Isabelle had accidentally played it over the stereo when they were all hanging out and Alec had just…sunk to the floor where he was standing, suddenly overwhelmed.

Alec shook his head, bringing himself back to the present where every second a new emotion rushed over him, leaving him reeling. He didn’t know what was worse, hearing the song and being reminded of the past. Or knowing Magnus was playing it to hurt him and being reminded of the present.

He almost turned and left but stopped himself because that was exactly what Magnus wanted him to do. Magnus was hurt — of course he was, Alec had kissed him in the airport and then the other night in his apartment…and everything was so messed up. So Alec stood tall, eyes locked on Magnus’. He wouldn’t leave; he wouldn’t run away; he wouldn’t let another stupid, petty thing they did to hurt each other ruin everything all over again. Not this time.

***

Magnus couldn’t breathe. Well, he could, obviously, because he was still playing, still going through the motions but his chest was impossibly tight and it felt like he shouldn’t still be breathing.

He didn’t know what he’d expected — Alec to storm off, to turn away — but it wasn’t this, Alec staying right there, staring right at Magnus. What was he playing at?

Magnus somehow made it through the rest of the concert, it was all a blur as he finally left the stage after coming back for two encores. His throat was beginning to hurt and the world felt suffocating as his guards for the night pushed through the crowd. The elevator felt too small, too hot. Magnus really couldn’t breathe now.

Once safely inside the room, Magnus thankfully accepted another cup of tea from Luke.

“It was a good show,” Luke said, smiling proudly. “I’ve missed seeing you perform, you seemed…more alive than ever recently.”

Magnus held back a smirk because that was ironic right now when he was feeling numb and half dead, unable to process any of his own thoughts and feelings.

“I’m glad you’re doing well,” Luke said, but his eyes had narrowed and Magnus knew he knew Magnus wasn’t doing so well right then. Luke pulled him in for a tight hug before pushing him away. “Shower, you stink.”

Magnus nodded, offering a small smile and taking his tea with him into the bathroom. Turning on the shower, Magnus considered his reflection, his makeup slightly smeared under his eyes. He was covered in sweat and…and this wasn’t how he was supposed to feel after a concert. He was supposed to be grinning, heart still racing, body full of adrenaline.

Right now, he just felt like napping.

Magnus slipped into the shower after scalding his tongue, swallowing a large mouthful of tea and quickly removing his makeup. He screwed his eyes shut, hoping the hot water would wash away his memories along with the sweat.

Magnus had no idea why he did it. He really, really shouldn’t have. But the whole concert had been charged, Magnus overly aware of Alec just standing there. And he didn’t know why but suddenly he’d wanted to hurt Alec, just a little. For just standing there like nothing mattered. For… for everything.

Bad idea. Such a bad idea.

Magnus leaned his forehead against the wall, letting the water crash over him. Magnus Bane was not…this. He wasn’t uncertain and…and petty. Everything he’d been that night. Magnus was… honestly, he wasn’t too sure anymore, but…but tonight he’d purposely hurt Alec, throwing their past back in his face and he didn’t like the way that made him feel.

What was he doing? Magnus asked himself, slowly washing his hair. What did he want? He could only answer one question, or only wanted to anyway. What he was doing was making a mess of everything all over again.

He should just end this now. Call off the whole fake relationship thing — fuck he nearly forgot about it most of the time anyway because nothing about this felt fake; it was all too real. He could call it all off, end it now and…and go back to the way things were before.

But was that so great? Hiding from his feelings, pretending everything was perfectly fine when it hadn’t been fine for two years…

Magnus stayed in the shower until the water turned ice cold. He dried slowly, pulling on a pair of sweatpants that said “diva” on the ass, and a warm long sleeve shirt. He moved slowly, counting the minutes before he’d finally be forced to leave the bathroom. He really didn’t want to leave the bathroom but he knew it didn’t matter, even if he hid here for another hour it wouldn’t change what was waiting for him outside.

Magnus hadn’t even bothered asking Luke to keep Alec out, it wouldn’t work anyway because Luke would think them talking was a good thing. Magnus was really regretting spilling his feelings to Luke over drinks the other night.

Magnus glanced around the bathroom, it was fairly nice, a walk-in shower to one side, a giant bathtub to the other with the toilet in a separate little room. Two sinks, lighted mirror. He could live here, couldn’t he?

Magnus jumped when someone knocked lightly on the door, heart jackhammering in his chest.

When Alec’s voice came, it was pitched low and weary. “You can’t stay in there forever, Magnus,” he said.

Wanna bet? Magnus thought, raising an eyebrow at his reflection.

“Do you really want to avoid me that much?”

It really was unfair that Alec still knew him so well, he thought as his heart beat out of control.

“I’ll leave,” Alec called then and Magnus turned suddenly, staring at the door like it’d betrayed him. “But you have to tell me you want me to.”

Magnus groaned, resting his head against the door. He could say that, sure, but…but did he really want that? He couldn’t avoid this forever…could he? He was tempted to try actually…

“Please Magnus.”

***

Alec stepped back as the bathroom door opened. They were alone in the hotel room, Luke had let him in telling him sternly “don’t hurt him or I’ll have to hurt you. I like you, Alec, don’t make me hurt you” before leaving.

Magnus didn’t look at him, leaving the bathroom and heading straight towards the mini bar. He wore dark sweats and a matching long sleeve, hair still wet and tangled, face bare of makeup.

Alec’s heart hurt, looking at him.

Magnus poured himself a glass of something that looked expensive before turning around casually. “Enjoy the show?” he asked nonchalantly, eyes narrowed and a smirk curving up his mouth.

Alec froze in the middle of the room, his heart beating hard and fast the only sound in the world besides his blood rushing through his head. “Really?” Alec asked, rolling his eyes.

“What?” Magnus asked, shrugging and sipping his drink.

“I’ve been trying to talk to you for days and you’re going to act like this?” Alec shook his head, shoulders slumping. What was he even doing?

“Yeah, well, maybe I don’t want to talk to you,” Magnus said, quickly swallowing the rest of his drink.

“Come _on_ , Magnus,” Alec said, nerves frayed, his not-really-a-plan-plan flying from his mind as he grew frustrated. “We need to talk,” he insisted.

“Maybe you need to talk,” Magnus said. “ _I,_ however, need another drink.”

Alec rubbed his head, his mind spinning. This wasn’t how this was supposed to go. He took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “Can we please talk?”

Magnus refilled his drink as he talked, his back to Alec. “You don’t have to do this,” he said gruffly.

“Do what?” Alec asked, shaking his head.

Magnus turned with another shrug. “Pretend.”

“Pretend _what_?”

“Pretend that you actually care. It was a long time ago, we’re in a crappy situation and we’ve made stupid decisions. Let’s call it good and let it go, okay?”

Alec opened and closed his mouth a few times but nothing came out. Magnus stirred his drink with his pinky finger, looking thoroughly unimpressed and even…bored.

“Is that really what you think I’m doing?” Alec finally asked. His chest felt like it was caving in, he couldn’t breathe. He told himself Magnus was just pushing again. That he was just afraid, just like Alec, so he was pushing Alec away before anything happened but…but Magnus didn’t seem to care at all and Alec couldn’t stop the pain in his chest from blooming. “You think I’m pretending? That what, I’m just playing games? That all I care about it is this stupid lie?”

***

Magnus was having a hard time standing, breathing, _living_. He didn’t know what he was doing, why he was saying what he was saying but it was the only way he could survive this moment.

He knew what he should say and it wasn’t what he did say. Looking up slowly, he arched an eyebrow. “Yes,” he said, flinging the word out there.

He saw it land, pain flashing in Alec’s eyes, followed by a tightening in his jaw, eyes going icy.

Magnus swallowed the rest of his second drink. Alec’s eyes boring into his, filled with a million questions. Words were lodged in the back of Magnus’ mouth, words he was too scared to say because…because even if Alec felt the same — had the same words lodged in his throat — how could Magnus be sure that was enough? He couldn’t stand it, he wouldn’t survive having his heart broken by Alec a second time.

“I know I made a mistake, kissing you at the airport that day but—”

“But it’s _fine_ ,” Magnus cut if briskly. “It meant nothing.”

“You know that isn’t true,” Alec said, hazel eyes drilling into Magnus’. Magnus’ heart twinged. “You’re just…pushing me away again, like you always do.”

When the anger in his stomach stirred to life at those words, Magnus grabbed at it greedily, anything other than the pain, then the wanting. “Oh,” he scoffed. “ _I_ push _you_ away? Really? That’s rich, coming from you.”

Alec shook his head, holding his hands up and taking a step back. “I’m not doing this,” he said.

“Not doing what?” Magnus demanded though he knew exactly what Alec was talking about.

“I’m not going to fight with you just so you can have another reason to push me away again,” Alec replied, turning away. “I came to talk, not to fight. Why can’t we just talk?”

Because fighting is easy, talking is hard. Because I’m terrified of what you’ll say and what I want you to say and what happens next. Because it’s not too late to call this shit off and pretend it never happened but if we talk, if we go there, there’s no return that doesn’t end in broken hearts all over again. Because I can’t talk to you; because I’m afraid I’ll fall in love with you all over again, that I already am. Because I’m not ready for this. Magnus’ mind supplied him with a million reasons but he couldn’t voice any of them.

“I just want to talk,” Alec repeated, stepping closer.

“About what?” Magnus all but shouted, setting his glass down with more force than necessary. His heart was racing, breath coming faster. “What could we possibly have to talk about?”

Alec didn’t hesitate, taking another step forward, shouting, “Us!”

Magnus paused, blood rushing through his ears. “There is no us.”

***

 _"There is no us."_ Magnus said it so casually, so cruelly.

Alec’s heart stopped beating for a moment, his breath lodged in his throat. Then he shook his head. “You don’t mean that,” he said.

Magnus whirled around, glaring. “You don’t know what I mean. Of course, I mean it! There is no us. What are we? Nothing! We’re two…fucked up people who broke each other’s hearts two years ago and somehow convinced ourselves it was a good idea to have a fake relationship and try to be friends. _Nothing_.”

Magnus’ voice got louder with each word, making Alec’s blood pressure rise. He bit his tongue on the urge to scream back. “That’s a hell of a lot to talk about,” he said.

Magnus scoffed but said nothing else, bristling in place a few steps away.

“Why did we break up?” Alec asked, the question bursting out of him, the one he’d wanted to ask for months, years.

“What?” Magnus blurted, eyes wide.

“ _Why,_ ” Alec asked, taking another step forward. “Did we break up?”

Magnus threw his hands up, moving away. “Because the universe cursed us? Because we were doomed from the beginning. Why does it matter?”

“You know it matters,” Alec said, working to control his breathing, wanting nothing more than to wrap Magnus in his arms as he paced back and forth, thoroughly distressed.

“No, it _doesn’t_. Why does it matter? It happened, there’s no changing it. You broke my heart, I broke your heart. It’s fine. I’ll pretend like nothing affects me, just the way nothing affects you. But I can’t keep doing this,” Magnus said.

“Doing what?” Alec asked, every other thought abandoning him.

“This!” Magnus said, gesturing around. “I can’t keep pretending that everything is fine. I can’t keep pretending we’re in a relationship. I can’t keep pretending that it doesn’t hurt to see you and talk to you. So, no, there’s nothing to talk about. We shouldn’t be talking at all. None of this, the last few months, should’ve ever happened.”

Alec forced himself to keep breathing, once again slowly approaching Magnus. It hurt, hearing all of that but…but this was good, right? They needed to get this all out, they needed to work through it.

“Please,” Alec said, stopping a foot away. “Just answer the question, why did we break up?”

***

Magnus stopped pacing, heart galloping a mile a minute in his chest. He was light headed suddenly, could feel his pulse racing in his wrists as his knees went weak. He wanted this moment to be over, he wanted to be done with this.

He retreated inside himself, rubbing his temples. When he talked, he sounded as defeated as he felt. “Why does it matter? It’s been _two years._ ”

Magnus kept his eyes closed but he could feel Alec approaching him again. Could picture his wide eyes, and the little frown on his face. “Why, Magnus?” he asked, voice low but demanding. “Why did you push me away? Did you stop loving me? Did—”

“I don’t know!” Magnus shouted, unable to hear Alec go on. He opened his eyes, glaring at the world but refusing to look at Alec. Alec who was right…Magnus had pushed him away because…because he couldn’t stand Alec slowly pulling away so he made it faster.

“Why, Magnus?” Alec asked again, voice low.

Magnus wanted to scream in frustration but instead, he turned to glare at Alec. “Because it wasn’t working! Because you didn’t want me enough. Because _I_ wanted too much. Because the world was dead set against it. Why does it _matter_?”

“Because we were happy! We were in _love_ ,” Alec shouted back, composure breaking. “Because I was stupid, Magnus. And I let it happen — I did it — I ended it, even though it was the last thing I wanted to do.”

“This is insane,” Magnus continued shouting because he couldn’t stop and think about that as his heart was crushed in his chest. “Why are we talking about this? You broke up with me. _Two_ years ago. It’s fine. It’s _over_.”

***

The word _over_ echoed in the empty room.

“Is it?” Alec asked, he could see it so clearly now, how stupid he’d been. How stupid they’d both been. They’d let all this bullshit come between them. Magnus hadn’t been happy and instead of trying to fix things, make it work, Alec had panicked. Folded under the pressure. Right then, Alec wanted nothing more than to go back and strangle his past self for being so stupid.

But…maybe it wasn’t too late.

“Magnus—” Alec started when the door was suddenly opened, breaking the tension in the room.

Luke stepped in, looking wearily between the two of them.

Alec took a step back, running a hand through his hair.

“Everything alright gentlemen?” Luke asked, pausing in the doorway, eyes narrowed. Alec flushed slightly, realizing he must’ve been standing outside the whole time, easily making out their raised voices.

Magnus cleared his throat. “It’s fine,” he said and Luke left again with a small nod.

They were quiet for a few minutes, both concentrating on breathing. Alec let Magnus pace away from him again, not trying to follow yet.

“Why did you come here, Alec?” Magnus finally asked. Alec looked up, heart skipping as their eyes met. “Did Hodge want pictures or something?”

Alec groaned, closing his eyes and shaking his head. His heart felt like it’d gone through a meat grinder. This wasn’t how he’d planned on this going… “I came because I wanted to,” he mumbled.

“Why?” Magnus demanded like he couldn’t possibly imagine why Alec would do something so stupid.

Alec shook his head, opening his eyes again. "I miss you,” he said, and once he said that he couldn’t stop. “Fuck it,” he muttered. “I _miss_ you,” he repeated louder this time. “I miss you so fucking much it hurts. That’s why I came, that’s why I want to talk, okay? I just…miss you."

***

Magnus had no idea how it happened, but between one second and the next, he’d crossed the room, slipping his hand behind Alec’s head and bringing his mouth down to crash against his.

Because Magnus missed him, too, so _fucking_ much.

The kiss was rushed and messy, Magnus’ heart was bouncing off his rib cage and he had no idea what he was doing all he knew was that the world was better and made much more sense when he was kissing Alec.

Alec’s hands went to Magnus’ face, holding him close, slowing the kiss. Every nerve ending in Magnus’ body was alight. When he was kissing Alec, it was so much easier to admit that this was all he wanted in life.

And then Alec pulled away. Slowly, coming back for a last kiss before stepping away entirely.

“Please,” Alec whispered in the air between them. “Can we just talk?”

Magnus closed his eyes, standing still, nails digging into his palms. His mind was a mess, his emotions all over the place. He cleared his throat, shaking his head to clear it. “I think you should leave,” he whispered, opening his eyes. “I…I can’t do this right now.”

Alec nodded but didn’t move.

“I’ll leave,” he finally said. “But…please, stop pushing me away, Magnus. Look…this isn’t what I came here to do, can we just…talk, please? If not tonight, then tomorrow?”

“I have an early flight,” Magnus said.

Alec’s eyes flashed with hurt again but he just swallowed and nodded. “Magnus… I — I –”

The door opened again, Luke arriving just in time. Magnus turned his back to Alec so he wouldn’t have to watch him leave.

“You alright?” Luke asked, once the door had shut behind Alec. He moved forward, putting his arm around Magnus’ shoulders.

“Of course,” Magnus said.

“You’re a terrible liar.”

***

They were such a mess. How would this ever work out? The logical side of Alec said it was impossible, it was too hard, there was too much in their past. And nothing about it was straight forward. There was no point A to point B, it was all just a mess of half-finished thoughts and fights where neither knew what they were fighting about.

It was as complicated as the fact that it wasn’t one big thing that broke them up but a thousand tiny ones. They didn’t talk enough. Alec was too scared to come out of the closet and he let that blind him to everything. Sebastian blackmailed them. And then there were always rumors about Magnus with other people and pictures – and Alec knew, he _knew_ that the paparazzi were twisting things but he let it get to him. And when Magnus pushed him away, Alec let him.

It was as simple as the fact that they fell apart. They didn’t try hard enough. It was too much.

But even while part of Alec said it was impossible, that too much had happened and too much time had passed…he knew that didn’t matter. It was going to be hard, they needed to talk things through, they needed to clear the air and if they were going to do this…they had to be all in, they had to work harder than ever. But…but Alec knew what it was like to be in love with Magnus Bane, he’d been in love with him for years and he knew what it was like to be loved by Magnus Bane — could remember the feeling all too vividly — he knew it would be worth everything else.

And part of him was scared and part of him was worried Magnus didn’t even want this anymore…but you didn’t fight like that because it meant nothing to you. You didn’t kiss like that because it meant nothing.

Alec wasn’t going to give up, not this time.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Be hopeful everyone, the happiness is coming, I promise! Also, I'm sorry.
> 
> Again, no promises on posting frequency but the next chapter should be up soon and make sure to follow my Tumblr for updates and snippets of new chapters! 
> 
> Kudos and comments are life and make the world go round, you can yell at me for breaking your heart on [Tumblr @imawriteriwrite](http://imawriteriwrite.tumblr.com/) and make my day, or a combination! <3<3<3
> 
> I love you all and stay tuned for happiness! <3


	17. Say You Won't Let Go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout out to my amazing betas!!! <3 Extra shout out to everyone reading this, I love you all! Lastly, this one is for the anon who's having a crappy week, hope this helps! =)
> 
> Chapter title from Say You Won't Let Go by James Arthur (would anyone be interested in a Paparazzi playlist, btw? Cause I have one and I could link it?)

Magnus slept on the plane back to L.A. after a night of twisting and turning in bed, flooded with rambling thoughts he couldn’t make sense out of. He had the nagging feeling that things were simpler than they seemed but he was sick of thinking. Was it so bad to just want to be done with it all? To just be tired and not want to deal with it anymore?

How stupid was he being?

So stupid, Magnus realized as the plane landed in L.A. It was so obvious suddenly. He’d known it the whole time, since the concert the night before even. but he hadn’t wanted to admit it so he’d pushed it away, buried it just like he buried everything and the moment he stepped off the plane it all came crashing down.

Alec had said he missed him and…and Magnus ran away? That was all he wanted, wasn’t it? If Alec missed him, then…then Alec wanted him, right? So why couldn’t it be so simple? They had history yes, but Magnus didn’t even care about that, did he? So they’d hurt each other before and it could happen again but…it’d been _two years_. They’d grown. They’d changed. If they both knew what they wanted now — and if the most important thing hadn’t changed; if they still wanted each other…

What the fuck was Magnus doing in L.A.?

Magnus walked through the airport in a daze, grabbing his bag and following the driver Luke had arranged to pick him up. The whole ride to his apartment, Magnus cursed himself. What had he been thinking last night? Well, actually, he knew exactly what he’d been thinking, that there was no way this would work. No way Alec wanted him but… _“I miss you. I miss you so fucking much it hurts.”_

God, Magnus thought, groaning. They were a mess. _He_ was a mess. He was messing everything up.

Magnus flopped down on the couch after tipping the driver who’d carried his bags in for him. He grabbed the small throw pillow behind him and pressed his face into it, screaming briefly.

Soft footsteps entered the room. Magnus’ feet were picked up and moved off the couch. “I thought I heard the door open,” Clary said, sitting down. Magnus kicked his slippers off before resting his feet in Clary’s lap. “Judging by your overall being right now, I’m going to guess that the trip wasn’t all that great?”

Magnus groaned, keeping the pillow over his head for just a moment longer before moving and tucking it behind his head. Blowing a strand of hair out of his face, Magnus grinned. “Whatever gave you that idea, Biscuit?”

Clary gave him a small, sad smile in reply. “Do you want to talk about it?” she asked.

“No,” Magnus said, shaking his head. But he did. He needed to get this all out, to try and make sense of it. Sitting up, he spilled everything. Every sorry detail of his and Alec’s… “relationship” over the past months. Magnus slipping, letting himself think this could be real before abruptly being brought back to reality. Every messy detail of what happened in New York, nearly hooking up, screaming at each other the night before.

“You’re being stupid,” Clary said once Magnus had finished.

Sitting up straighter, Magnus gasped. “You wound me,” he said, even while his heart twisted in his chest, knowing she was right.

Clary rolled her eyes. “I’m serious, Magnus. I know this is scary, I know…I know you never got over the breakup and you don’t want to go through that again — I get that, who would? But…” she trailed off, looking Magnus up and down.

Magnus shifted uncomfortably under Clary’s gaze, staring off into the kitchen anxiously, suddenly desperate for a cup of tea.

When the silence got to be too much, Magnus finally burst out, _“But?_ ” he prompted.

“But you loved him,” she said simply.

Magnus jerked in his seat, looking back at Clary. “What?” he blurted, feeling numb as his mind went blank.

Clary offered a small smile, reaching out for Magnus’ hand. “Did it ever occur to you that he loved you as much as you’ve always loved him and that you’re hurting him by pushing him away? You’re hurting both of you.”

“She’s right.”

Magnus turned at Isabelle’s voice. Izzy paused behind the couch, looking down at Magnus. “You’re being stupid. If there’s one thing I know about Alec, it’s that he’s always been in love with you,” she said casually, moving towards the kitchen.

“That’s not — we’re not… _He’s_ not — You don’t even know what we’re talking about,” Magnus said, distractedly waving her off. That… Isabelle didn’t know what she was talking about.

“Of course, I do,” Isabelle grinned, disappearing into the kitchen.

“It’s just…not meant to be,” Magnus insisted, ignoring his aching heart. But…but that was bullshit. Alec was right, Magnus pushed him away again, the moment it got to be too much even though this was all he wanted… This is all I want, Magnus thought, realized, had always known.

The last few months replayed in his mind, all his feelings brought uncomfortably to the surface. From the very beginning, was there even one day when part of Magnus hadn’t hoped this would lead to…something. And if Alec felt the same – Alec had to feel it, didn’t he? That there was still something there?

Alec’s words bounced around his mind, making his heart race. White noise filled his ears and he was struggling to pull air in through his tight chest. _Why did we break up? Why did you push me away? Did you stop loving me?_

Why _did_ they break up? Magnus couldn’t remember anymore, there wasn’t one reason, there were a million little things. Magnus pushed Alec away because he thought that’s what Alec wanted. They couldn’t do it anymore, it was as simple as that. But no, Magnus thought, staring off into the distance, I never once, not even for a second, stopped loving you.

“I’m a fucking idiot,” Magnus mumbled, shaking his head slowly.

“No,” Clary said, squeezing his hand. “You’re just…in love. Or on your way to being in love. Or you never stopped…something along those lines,” she said, laughing.

Magnus shook his head slowly, mind spinning. He wished he could shut his mind off because even now, it was supplying the same questions. How could this possibly work? What if went wrong again?

God, he was tired of being stuck in his own mind.

“I think I’m going to turn in early,” Magnus said, standing slowly. “I have a lot to think about.”

“Wait!” Clary said, reaching for his arm. “I have something…”

Magnus froze, gaze dragged back to Clary. He sat down immediately. “What is it, Biscuit?” Clary’s expression had fallen and she was staring down at her nails.

“I have to tell you something,” she said, taking a deep breath and sitting up straight, her hair falling out of her bun and into her face. “Something serious.”

“You’re not pregnant, are you?” Magnus asked, attempting to lighten the mood, happy to deal with someone else’s problems instead of his own.

Clary offered a small smile but nothing else.

“You aren’t, are you?” Magnus asked seriously.

Clary shook her head, letting out a forced laugh. “No,” she said. “I’m…moving back to New York.”

Magnus froze, tilting his head to the side as the words sunk in.

Clary rushed on quickly, “It’s just…I’ve loved the last few years. Dancing with Izzy and Raphael. Being with you — you’re my favorite person! It’s been a dream come true dancing and doing this, but…but I have other dreams. And…I was accepted to art school, in New York.”

“When do you leave?” Magnus asked seriously.

Clary frowned, shoulders slumping. “In two days.”

Magnus stood up, glared, and stomped away.

“Magnus!” Clary shouted, rushing after him. “Magnus?”

Magnus stopped in the kitchen where Isabelle was cooking something undefinable, and shook his head slowly. He turned to Clary, letting his disappointment show. “How _dare you_ , Clarissa, after everything I’ve done for you?”

Magnus saw the anger ignite in Clary’s eyes, her fierceness cutting through. “Hey!” she started. “I—”

Magnus quickly blew over her words. “How could you not tell me sooner?” he demanded, grinning. “There’s hardly any time to throw a going away party — let alone a celebration for getting into art school! You wound me, Clarissa!”

Clary paused with her mouth hanging open. “Wait, what?” she asked.

Magnus shook his head, moving to pull Clary into a hug. “Don’t act like you’re at a funeral,” he whispered. “This is _exciting_. Art school! Aren’t you excited?”

Clary pulled back, a small smile curving up her lips as she nodded. “Yeah, I am,” she said. “But…”

“But,” Magnus put in. “You’re worried about me? I’m a big boy, Clary. Sure, I’ll miss having you around all the time but I understand.”

“What’s going on?” Isabelle interrupted suddenly.

Clary froze, squeezing her eyes closed tightly before turning to the other girl. “Izzy, I’m sorry. I meant to tell you, I’ve just been putting it off,” she said.

“You’re leaving?” Isabelle asked frowning, then, “Is Simon?”

Clary opened her eyes, inclining her head. “He—”

“Where is he?” Isabelle asked, abandoning her pot on the stove.

“At—”

“Never mind, I’ll find him,” Izzy said, quickly leaving the kitchen, still dressed in her pajamas even though it was the middle of the day.

Magnus raised an eyebrow at Clary and a moment later they heard the front door open and close.

“Finally,” Clary said, laughing.

Magnus rolled his eyes. “Sherman’s in for a shock. He wasn’t going to leave with you, was he?”

Clary shook her head, grinning. “Why, would you miss him?”

“I don’t even know the boy’s name,” Magnus said, turning off the stove and throwing the pot with whatever mystery food Isabelle was cooking straight into the trashcan.

“And you’re okay with me going?” Clary asked hesitantly.

“Of course,” Magnus said, offering her a smile. “I’ll miss you, Biscuit, but I just want you to be happy.”

Clary grinned. “I am. And I want you to be happy, Magnus,” she said, crossing the kitchen to pull down a mug as the kettle Isabelle put on started whistling.

“I am—” Magnus started before cutting himself off. He frowned. Was he happy? He knew he should be happy, he had a good life he loved, he was recording again, the new album was nearly done… But knowing you should be happy and actually _being_ happy were two very different things.

Clary watched him knowingly as she prepared a cup of tea.

Magnus shook his head slowly. “I’m working on it, Biscuit.”

“You deserve to be happy, Magnus,” she said softly. “And Alec makes you happy, you know that, right?” she said, placing the cup of tea in front of Magnus before moving down the hall.

“I have to finish packing,” she said but Magnus was barely paying attention. His mind spun, filled with Clary’s words.

He grabbed his phone, typing out a text before he could stop himself.

***

Alec didn’t know what to do. He knew exactly what he wanted but he couldn’t force Magnus to talk to him. He couldn’t force Magnus to want to try… Maybe it was too late.

Alec laid in bed, wide awake all night and all the next morning, mind spinning.

_Because it wasn’t working. Because you didn’t want me enough. Because I wanted too much. Because the world was dead set against it._

Magnus’ words spun around Alec’s head. But it was stupid to think the universe cursed them, they just…hadn’t tried enough. They’d hit a rough patch, really rough, and shitty things had happened to them, but it was their own fault for giving up. Why had they just given up?

Alec’s heart hurt. He’d never been one to wallow but all he felt like doing right then was lying in bed, trying to make the world make sense again.

_You didn’t want me enough._

That was one thing Magnus was wrong about, there hadn’t been anything Alec wanted more than Magnus, he’d just…let everything else get in the way. He’d been stupid and immature. Terrified he’d lose Magnus, terrified he wasn’t enough. Terrified for his career. Terrified of everyone else that wanted Magnus, that Magnus could have…

He’d been an idiot. But he was done with that.

Rolling over, Alec grabbed his phone, intending to call Magnus, again and again if he had to, until he answered.

Alec’s heart skipped around and plummeted.

Magnus had texted.

Hands shaking more than he’d like to admit, Alec pulled the message up, holding his breath as his eyes ran over the words, again and again, unbelieving.

 **Glittery Bane of my Existence** : I’m sorry. You’re right. We should talk.

Alec didn’t hesitate, that was all he needed, just some small sign that Magnus might want this. He climbed from bed, quickly heading to the living room where his laptop sat on the coffee table. He booked the next flight to L.A., not even bothering with packing anything. He still had 39 hours before he needed to be on set. He didn’t care if he wasted most of it on planes. As long as he had a chance.

***

“Oof” Magnus groaned, jarred awake abruptly as Chairman Meow pounced on him. “Yes, I know,” Magnus mumbled, petting the cat with his eyes closed. “You’re happy to be home and mad I made you go on a plane again. I’m sorry,” he muttered sleepily.

The Chairman stayed on Magnus for a few minutes, purring softly. Just when Magnus was about to drift off again, he hopped to the floor and started meowing. “Food?” Magnus asked, yawning. “Already? You should really watch your weight, you’re getting a little pudgy.”

The cat hissed as Magnus stumbled from bed. “Pardon me, you know I was teasing, darling,” Magnus said, bending to pick him up.

Magnus’ upstairs room was shrouded in darkness, the dimmest light from outside seeping in around his curtains as he reached back for his phone. Heading blindly for the stairs, Magnus checked his phone for messages — nothing. Well, there were texts from Luke, Catarina, Ragnor, and Raphael, but there was nothing from the one person he wanted to hear from.

“Well, no answer is an answer in itself, isn’t it, Chairman?” Magnus asked, pretending like his heart wasn’t beating painfully, like his heart hadn’t squeezed tight the moment he checked his messages.

It was his own fault. He’d been so stupid, picking a fight when it was the last thing he wanted to do. Pushing Alec away, just like he said.

It was nearly midnight as Magnus fed Chairman Meow and debated making something for himself. The house sounded eerily empty. Knowing Raphael, he was already asleep, Clary too. And Magnus was willing to bet Isabelle and Simon hadn’t made it home yet. He rolled his eyes, sometimes he really wondered at his sanity, letting them all live there.

Magnus had just pulled the eggs out of the fridge to make an omelette when there was a knock at the front door. Magnus paused, inclining his head, who would be knocking at midnight? Setting the eggs on the counter, Magnus was heading out the kitchen when his phone buzzed on the table. Completely forgetting the door, Magnus headed straight for his phone.

He grabbed it, closing his eyes briefly and telling himself it didn’t matter if it was Alec texting back or not, it probably wasn’t — it was like 4 am in New York now.

Steeling himself, he glanced at the phone.

Magnus slumped in on himself, sighing to relieve the pressure building in his chest. He replied to Isabelle’s picture wherein she sat in Simon’s lap, the two of them making heart eyes at each other with a simple “Finally.” Followed by “I won the bet, thanks.” Before tossing the phone into the living room somewhere on his way to the door, where whoever stood on the other side was still knocking lightly.

Suddenly in a bad mood, Magnus threw the door open, snarling, “It’s midnight who the hell—” before cutting himself off abruptly. “ _Alexander._ ”

***

Between seeing Magnus — even though it’d barely been twenty-four hours since they last saw each other — and Magnus saying his full name, Alec’s heart was a mess, skipping around his chest.

Magnus froze and Alec couldn’t say anything, the words stuck in his throat as Magnus’ eyes drilled into his. Alec couldn’t breathe, suddenly everything was laid out before him, he could see exactly where this might lead and he wanted it so badly that he was frozen in fear that he’d mess it up, that he’d come so close the having what he wanted and then…it would slip away.

Magnus’ expression changed from shock to wonder, eyes lighting for just a second, reminding Alec how to breathe.

Alec took a deep breath, in and out. It all seemed so easy now, with Magnus right here. Everything Alec had been feeling tripled at seeing Magnus. It was so obvious, how had he ever convinced himself he didn’t want this anymore?

Magnus frowned, and Alec could see his walls going up once again. “What are you doing here?”

Nothing. Everything. I have no idea, Alec thought, before clearing his throat. He’d left for the airport right away, barely pausing to tell Jace and text Hodge to book him a room somewhere.

“You said we could talk,” Alec said simply. He didn’t add, I was terrified if I waited too long you’d change your mind. Or, I was desperate to see you. Or, you’re standing right in front of me and I still miss you. I don’t remember what not missing you feels like anymore.

***

Magnus couldn’t breathe. Alec just stood in the doorway, looking for all the world like he’d just woken up from a deep, restful sleep, not like he’d been on a plane for the last six hours. He was smiling slightly, dark eyes bright, hair messy as ever. He looked so…hopeful.

Magnus couldn’t think, couldn’t process that Alec was here. In L.A.

He had to have gotten on a plane just an hour or so after Magnus had texted. Magnus paused, running that again and again through his mind. Alec’s reaction to his text had been to jump on a plane…

Magnus tried to fight it but found himself smiling, shaking his head. “You’re insane,” he said, and he knew his walls were already falling, making heart eyes up at Alec. “Don’t you have somewhere to be?” Magnus forced himself to ask, still standing in the doorway, not letting him in yet.

Alec shrugged. “Yeah,” he said. “Here, talking with you.”

Magnus shook his head again, his heart felt like it was going to explode. “Or on set perhaps?” he suggested, trying to get himself under control. He had no idea what to feel, his emotions running from one thing to another faster than he could track.

Alec shook his head. “I have a few more hours.”

“Hours?” Magnus asked blankly. “How many?

“Enough before I have to catch another flight,” he said. “This was more important.”

“This?” Magnus asked, staring at Alec’s chest, right where his heart was beating. He bit his lip, keeping his gaze firmly away from Alec’s eyes, terrified of everything they clearly displayed.

“Magnus,” Alec said in this voice that was vulnerable yet so sure. Magnus looked up. “I’m going to talk, okay? I have things I have to say and then I’m going to go to my hotel and you can take time to process the things I’ve spent all week thinking about and then, if you still want, if you want what I want…we can talk.”

Magnus was frozen, not sure what to do when faced with this version of Alec. His straightforwardness had always caught Magnus off guard and now— Magnus merely nodded, bracing himself.

***

Alec didn’t hesitate, he laid it all out on the line, blurted every thought he had, all his feelings, every little thing.

“I miss you, Magnus, so much. I’ve missed you since the day we broke up. And I know a lot of it, most of it, was my fault and I wish I could take it back but I can’t,” Alec said, talking faster than he’d ever talked before. “But…but I can try harder to make things right, if — I want to try, Magnus. To work through this, with you. I’ll try harder than I’ve ever tried before.”

Alec paused for a breath, looking away from Magnus to gather his thoughts before rushing on. “I—I tried to stop, having feelings for you, wanting you, missing you, but I can’t — I never could. And now that you’re back in my life, I want you back in my life, all the way. I want… I want to try, if you want it too and I really want to talk to you, about everything.”

Alec trailed off, realizing he was rambling and repeating himself, his throat growing tight. Magnus was just staring at him, eyes wide. Alec couldn’t read his expression, didn’t know what he was feeling, was terrified he’d gotten it wrong, that Magnus didn’t want this, that Magnus just wanted to forget all about it.

Alec took a deep breath, there was nothing left to lose now. He’d laid it all out, it was up to Magnus now. That knowledge didn’t make his next breath come any easier.

“Izzy knows where I’m staying,” he said finally. “When you’re ready.”

Alec hesitated a minute before turning away.

***

Magnus opened his mouth, trying to find words but they were stuck somewhere inside him. He let his mouth close, watching Alec walk away, heart chugging along painfully slowly.

He didn’t know how long he stayed there. Alec glanced back before disappearing, waving over his shoulder and Magnus’ heart kicked into gear. Eventually, he closed the door, unaware of anything as he headed to the music room, sitting down at the piano in the dark.

Magnus felt strange, a tingling under his skin, a fluttering feeling in his stomach as his mind slowly started spinning, processing. He couldn’t think, stuck on Alec’s words.

He didn’t know how long he sat there, fingers moving slow and evenly across the piano, playing random patterns as he struggled to think until he stopped all of a sudden. What was he doing? What was there even to think about? He was tired of thinking, tired of stopping himself and talking himself out of this. He knew what he wanted, more than anything. He could have it, if he just let himself.

Magnus didn’t stop to think, thinking just lead to overthinking and Magnus never followed his head, he followed his heart and right now his heart was in some hotel room with Alec.

Magnus tore apart the living room until he found his phone, calling Isabelle as he slipped his discarded slippers back on, pausing to grab his keys before rushing out the door.

“Magnus!” Isabelle shouted when she picked up the phone. “You should come dancing. Simon and I are dancing.”

If Magnus wasn’t in a rush he would’ve paused a minute to be happy for them but he was in a rush, heading into the parking garage. “I’m very happy for you and Sherman, Izzy, but I need to know where Alec is staying,” he said hurriedly.

“ _Finally_!” Isabelle shouted before giggling, clearly mildly intoxicated. “It’s about time.”

“What?” Magnus heard Simon ask in the background.

“Magnus and Alec have come to their senses,” Izzy said. “I’ll text you the address,” she added.

“Thank you. Sharon, make sure she doesn’t drink too much,” Magnus added loudly before hanging up.

He’d just slipped into the BMW when his phone buzzed with the address. Magnus took a deep, steadying breath. Singing in front of thousands of fans he could handle without a pinch of nervousness but this… Talking to Alec… Rehashing the past so that maybe they could move on…. This was the most terrifying thing Magnus had ever done.

He hesitated only for a second before starting the car. Isabelle was right, it was about time. They’d been dancing around it for months. Magnus had just let his fears get to him, he’d always been scared of giving his heart away because every time he got it back it was more bruised than before. But…what was life without a little bruising, without risking it?

***

Alec had just got checked in and settled in the hotel room — which was far nicer than he needed for one night but Hodge always insisted on Alec staying at the finest places even when on personal business — when someone knocked on the door.

Expecting a maid with extra towels or something, Alec answered quickly, having only had time to set down the small bag he’d brought and take off his shoes. It was one in the morning, Alec didn’t have expectations but if he did, he would’ve expected Magnus in the morning, not barely forty-five minutes after Alec left him. Not that he was complaining.

Alec froze for a second, staring at Magnus, who was still in sweats and a hoodie Alec knew he must’ve worn on his flight that morning. Alec swallowed, smiling softly. “Hey.”

Magnus looked up from under his eyelashes, rolling his eyes. “I won the bet,” he said simply. “Isabelle and Simon finally figured their shit out. You owe me twenty bucks.”

Alec’s grin widened as he stepped back, letting Magnus inside. “You cheated, didn’t you?” he asked, closing the door behind Magnus.

“I would _never_ ,” Magnus replied, acting hurt.

Alec’s chest grew tight, his heart aching at all the possibilities now spread out before them. Alec watched Magnus who looked around the penthouse slowly. Two walls were made entirely of windows, showing downtown L.A. in all its glory. The other walls were white, the small kitchen stainless steel. What kind of person rented a room like this for one night? Alec had wondered when he first walked in.

There was a king size bed against the far wall and a sitting area filled with fluffy couches in the middle. After a moment, Magnus headed towards the couch, sitting down slowly.

Wringing his hands, suddenly nervous, Alec followed. There was a lump in his throat. What was he going to say again? He’d had it all planned, figured out every word on the flight but now…it was gone.

Alec sat across from Magnus which was a bad idea because all coherent thought left his mind when he looked at Magnus, curled comfortably on the other couch. Alec couldn’t breathe, but he didn’t’ really mind right then.

***

“So — um, we should — that is…”

Magnus looked over, across at Alec whose gaze was bouncing around, from Magnus to the windows to his own hands, back to Magnus. Magnus bit his lip, trying to hold in a grin. After all this time, Alec still got nervous and stuttered. Magnus tried not to find it adorable but he couldn’t help himself.

Magnus focused on that, on the way Alec’s eyes shined, instead of everything else that was circling his mind, demanding attention. Alec’s eyes were less terrifying than the things they had to say.

Alec cleared his throat, looking up suddenly to meet Magnus’ eyes. “We should start from the beginning,” he said.

Magnus sat up straight, letting his feet fall to the ground. He took a deep breath to control his heartbeat and nodded. They’d never talked about…anything. And there was no way to move on if they didn’t go back to the beginning.

“The beginning, you mean the part I still don’t understand?” Magnus asked, both trying to lighten the mood and completely serious.

“Yeah. That.” Alec said. “We never talked…ever. About any of it. And – and if we want to move on…to try, we have to talk, right? Figure out what went wrong.”

Magnus’ hands tightened into fists for a moment, grounding him. Alec stared right at him, not even blinking. Everything played in fast forward in his mind, from their first kiss to their explosion, but here they were, staring at each other like the key to happiness waited for them on the other side of this night.

Magnus swallowed dryly. He recognized that this was Alec asking him if it was what he wanted, to work through this, to try. Magnus nodded, slowly. “The beginning it is.”

***

They were quiet for long minutes, neither knowing how to start.

“I don’t even know what to categorize as the beginning,” Magnus finally said, getting to his feet.

Alec stood, panic racing through his bloodstream but Magnus merely moved to the kitchen. “I think we’re going to need some coffee,” he said. Then, “This place has an espresso machine, nice.”

The fear left Alec right then, watching Magnus dig around the kitchen of a ridiculously expensive hotel room. Alec was suddenly completely sure that everything was going to work out. It was going to be a long, hard night, but they’d get through it. They’d stop pretending the past had never happened because if they wanted this to work they couldn’t do that anymore. It had happened. They’d hurt each other, over and over again, and if they didn’t admit that…they’d get nowhere. So they would, they’d work through it all and then—

“What?” Magnus asked suddenly, voice low, a frown on his face after Alec shook his head to clear his thoughts and focus on Magnus. “You’re staring at me,” he said, rolling his eyes.

“Just…thinking,” Alec said, moving closer to the kitchen.

“Be thinking about food,” Magnus replied, turning to the espresso machine again. “I haven’t eaten and we will get nowhere on an empty stomach.”

Alec laughed, moving to grab his phone so they could order in. He realized suddenly where the surety at how this night would go came from. Magnus was here. Magnus wanted to try. And that was all that really mattered.

***

“We should probably actually talk now,” Magnus said an hour later, after the food had arrived and they’d stuffed themselves on pizza and breadsticks. They sat at the small kitchen table, Magnus’ legs folded underneath him as they sipped on coffee.

“Right,” Alec said, taking a deep breath.

Magnus wanted to skip this part but it was important. He just didn’t know where — or how — to start.

“So,” Magnus finally said.

“So…”

Magnus smiled, shaking his head. “This is ridiculous,” he said, slapping the table for emphasis. “Let’s just…get it over with already. It’s not hard, just talking,” he said, knowing it was more than that, it was…everything.

“The beginning,” Magnus forced himself to say. “Who cares about the beginning,” he rambled. “Where was the beginning? Things just got…so complicated so fast.”

Alec nodded, sitting up straight. “I’m sorry,” he said and Magnus’ heart stopped, whatever he was going to say next disappearing from his mind. Alec leaned forward, holding Magnus in place with the intensity of his gaze. “It all just...exploded,” Alec said, then looked off into the distance. Magnus didn’t have to wonder what he was looking at, he knew Alec was seeing it all play out again, fall apart while they both just stood there, wondering what was happening.

“And I...” he continued, bringing his gaze back to Magnus who just trying to breathe. “I didn't want that to happen but I didn't know how to stop it. I know...you wanted more from me but I was so scared of what that would do... I was stupid.”

Magnus started shaking his head before Alec had even finished. “No,” he said firmly. "You were protecting your career. Believe me, Alec, I've always known the price some pay to come out. I was lucky. I never wanted to force you to come out…” Magnus trailed off, unprepared for the pain of these memories suddenly washing over him. Hindsight was twenty-twenty, it was easy to see now that it was both their faults but back then all he’d known was that it hurt.

He cleared his throat, forcing himself to continue, staring down at his half-filled coffee cup as Alec stared at him. “I wanted to be able to have an honest relationship with you,” Magnus said because it was the truth and now was the time for the truth. “I wanted...I wanted to be a good enough reason for you to come out. But I understood why you didn't. And I made mistakes too... the interview...I was just so _angry_ and hurt but I should never have done that."

Magnus stopped, a lump forming in his throat. When he thought back on everything, his biggest regret wasn’t that they broke up, not that they didn’t try hard enough, it was everything that came after.

"You were mad,” Alec said softly, dragging Magnus’ gaze back to him. “I get that. I was mad for a long time, too, especially after the interview. But…it's not like you said anything Sebastian hadn't already confirmed with those pictures."

They’d barely started and already it was piling up, everything that had happened, it seemed to be so much right then, an impossible amount. How could they get over that? How could they —

“Come on,” Alec said suddenly. “Continue. There’s a lot to get through.”

Magnus looked up slowly, shaking his head. “So, what, your plan is to just…talk it all out? Every dirty detail?”

Alec didn’t hesitate. “Yes,” he said firmly. “All of it. Every little detail. You broke my heart Magnus, and I broke yours. I…I gave up, I ran away, I didn’t try because I was too scared. And I’m so sorry I hurt you, I never wanted to. If I could go back and change it I would but I can’t. But we can…get through this, can’t we? Now, after all this…wasted time?”

Magnus’ heart felt set to burst and part of him wanted to leave now, avoid the pain of bringing up the past once again, but he didn’t leave. Because he really didn’t want to. He wanted to see what lay on the other side of this night, more than anything.

“Yes.”

***

"So,” Magnus said. Alec stared at his back where he stood, looking out the window. Magnus turned around slowly, raising an eyebrow. “Why _did_ we break up?"

Alec frowned at the question he’d been asking himself for…ever it seemed. He didn’t know the answer, he wasn’t sure there _was_ an answer. Finally, he looked up, shrugging. “Because we were scared?"

Magnus seemed to consider that for a moment before nodding.

Nothing beyond that room mattered to Alec then, nothing else existed. All that mattered right then, was this, was Magnus and him, finally talking.

Be honest, Alec thought. Taking a breath, feeling like he was about to fall head first into something terrifying, he admitted, “I didn't think I was enough for you.”

Magnus’ eyes went wide and he quickly shook his head. “You were wrong,” he all but whispered. Then, “I thought I was too much for you.”

Alec swallowed a sudden lump in his throat, looking away from Magnus because everything his eyes held just then — their past, their possible future — was too much. "We really made a mess of everything. Didn't we?" he whispered.

After that, they talked about…everything. Over and over. Skipping around, there was no real order to it. There was far too much apologizing and even some yelling because how could you not yell when you were picking open your own scars and watching them bleed all over again? But despite how hard it was at some parts, despite the constant stopping and starting, both of them saying stupid things to lighten the mood, despite the pain of analyzing everything that happened…Alec had never felt better.

“Clearly there’s only one thing to be done,” Magnus said around four in the morning, after hours of talking. He sighed, flopping down on one of the couches dramatically.

“Clearly,” Alec replied, biting back a smile and perching on the arm of a chair.

“Never speak to each other again and pretend none of this ever happened,” Magnus said, sighing once more.

“That’s the only option?” Alec asked, glad Magnus had closed his eyes so he wouldn’t see the adoring look Alec was sure to have on his face.

“I do believe so,” Magnus said, opening his eyes slowly, voice growing more serious. “I mean…you broke my heart into tiny little pieces. Do you know how many weeks I spent crying? Not many because I wouldn’t let myself wallow. Instead, I spent seventy-two hours straight, not sleeping, writing song after song.”

Alec swallowed, moving to sit on the coffee table in front of Magnus as Magnus sat up, eyes bright and alert. “And you broke my heart,” Alec said softly. “So much that I swore I’d never do it again, never let anyone anywhere close to me. Just focus on my career and nothing else. When the truth was, there was just no one else I wanted to try with.”

Alec saw Magnus swallow, Adam’s apple bobbing.

Alec took a deep breath before continuing. “And I didn’t know what to do back then, all I knew was that I’d made what could be the greatest mistake of my life and I didn’t know how to fix it. And I panicked, I tried to talk to you but no one would let me and then that interview came out and I thought…I shouldn’t fix it.”

Alec stopped, out of breath. Magnus nodded. “That whole week, after you left, I was just…confused and hurt and trying to figure out what happened. I still don’t know completely what happened, how it happened…” Magnus said, trailing off.

“Me neither,” Alec said, resisting the urge to reach out and touch Magnus, grab his hand, something.

“I thought…I had to have done something…driven you away. I tried to come to see you and Hodge opened the door and said you didn’t want to see me and…and I think that was the moment I gave up, on us.”

Alec froze, frowning. Magnus had come to him? Hodge told him he didn’t want to see him? But—

“And then Isabelle had to throw that stupid party,” Magnus said, shaking his head.

Alec’s breath got caught in his chest as the topic moved to the present. “And then?” Alec prompted, sounding as breathless as he felt. Everything else fell away, he felt almost giddy, waiting for Magnus to reply.

“And then,” Magnus said softly, leaning forward to touch Alec’s hand. His fingers ran over the back of Alec’s hand, trailing around to the palm idly. “I remembered what it felt like to be near you and…all the lies I’d surrounded myself with — that I was over you, that I never wanted to see you again — were swept away.”

Alec swallowed roughly, not daring to move. “I remembered too,” he said.

“Remembered?” Magnus asked, staring at their hands.

“What it was like, when we were…together.”

They fell silent then. Both finding it hard to breathe suddenly. Magnus looked up slowly, meeting Alec’s gaze, and when he smiled it was like every bad thing in the world disappeared.

***

"Can't we...” Alec started a few minutes later. Magnus stared down at their hands, he was still holding Alec’s loosely, now in both of his own. Alec’s voice was soft, barely loud enough to hear, the whole night was far too quiet and Magnus was just beginning to notice how tired he was, how tired Alec had to be.

“Can’t we just admit we were stupid and — and move on,” Alec said, starting over. “Get over it."

Magnus nodded. "My thoughts exactly,” he said, telling himself to let go of Alec’s hand but not moving an inch. “So we should end this fake relationship now, before things get even more confusing,” he said, then held his breath.

Alec didn’t reply right away. Sighing, Magnus looked up, letting go of Alec’s hand. "No," Alec said, voice and gaze equally steady as he reached out for Magnus’ hand.

"No?" Magnus repeated, far more amused than he should’ve been as Alec’s fingers danced over his hand.

" _No_ ,” Alec repeated, smiling softly. The moment felt infinite and practiced, like they’d lived it out already, like they were just saying the lines they were supposed to but it was over already and they knew how it ended.

“I know...I think you still have feelings for me and I know I never even for a second stopped having feelings for you," Alec said.

Magnus froze, eyes wide in shock. "You..." he said but nothing else. He shook his head slightly.

"I think we should...try,” Alec finished.

“You never cease to amaze me, Alec," Magnus said, rolling his eyes.

Alec grinned, throwing his head back and laughing. And god, Magnus loved that sound far more than seemed possible. “I’m sorry, Magnus,” Alec said, looking back at him. “For…everything. I want to make it right this time.”

“Shut up,” Magnus said suddenly, slightly more vicious than planned.

Alec froze. “Shut up?” he asked.

Chest tight, Magnus nodded seriously. “Yes, shut up,” he said, feeling desperate, words falling from his mouth. “You keep saying things like that, acting like it’s all your fault or mostly your fault and that isn’t true. It’s my fault too and I’m sorry and — and I want to make it up to you too.”

Magnus swallowed hard, staring down and reminding himself to slow down and breathe as his mind whirled. He’d never felt so vulnerable, sitting here all night with Alec, talking about everything… Admitting all the things he’d never told anyone else about their breakup, about how it…broke him.

“My point is, I have a lot to apologize for too, you know. But…it was no one’s fault.” Magnus looked up slowly. “No more apologies,” he said firmly, once he’d found the words. He cleared his throat that felt too tight. “I’m sick of them.”

It felt like everything had been said now but Magnus still had no idea where to go from here. The sun would be rising in less than an hour, he hadn’t slept enough. Alec hadn’t slept since his flight and had to be feeling the jet lag but he just sat there, this small, impossible smile on his face, staring at Magnus.

Magnus rolled his eyes, laughing. “Stop it,” he said.

“Stop what?” Alec asked, raising an eye.

“Stop smiling at me like…like—”

“Like what?”

“Like I just gave you a million dollars!”

Alec’s smile only grew wider, making Magnus grin.

***

“Breakfast? Already?”

Alec looked up from where he was sitting at the table, sipping his coffee. Room service had been delivered while Magnus was in the bathroom. “It’s like five in the morning, I’m famished,” Alec said.

His gaze roamed up and down Magnus, noting the dark circles under his eyes and his messy hair — something practically unheard of unless Magnus had just done something that was generally done in a more horizontal position — Alec quickly cleared his throat, steering his thoughts in a new direction.

“If you want to take a break, you know, go home and sleep, I understand,” Alec said quickly.

“I’m not really that tired actually,” Magnus replied, taking the seat opposite Alec.

Alec smiled slightly. “Me neither.”

“Really?” Magnus accused, filling his plate with pancakes and eggs. “When’s the last time you slept?”

Alec waved the question away. “Time zones confuse me, I’m fine,” he added quickly. “I don’t want to sleep yet. I’ll sleep on my way back to set.”

Magnus just nodded, slowly covering his pancakes in syrup until they were practically swimming in it. Alec wrinkled his nose, disgusted. Looking up, Magnus grinned. Alec clearly remembered the first morning they’d had breakfast together; amidst the touching and kissing, there’d been a small argument over the proper amount of syrup to put on pancakes.

“When’s your flight?” Magnus asked, cutting into his pancakes.

Alec sighed, leaning forward to fill his own plate. “Two-fifteen,” he said. Nine hours, Alec thought, plenty of time. But…he wanted more. He wanted to be able to sleep and wake up and continue whatever this was.

“Still a while yet,” Magnus said.

Alec darted his gaze back to Magnus to find him smiling. “Plenty of time,” Alec agreed.

Magnus nodded, sitting up straight and clearing his throat. “So,” he said, pouring himself a cup of coffee. “We — if we’re going to do…anything — we have to know where we stand.”

Alec took a minute to get his thoughts together. When he spoke, he looked up, staring right into Magnus’ eyes. “I was confused, for a long time but…but I’ve regretted breaking up with you since the moment I left the apartment that day. I’ve missed you every day since and…and I want to try to…to have something again,” he said, speaking clearly and evenly.

Then he held his breath, waiting for Magnus.

***

Magnus was once again finding it hard to breathe, at this rate it would be really bad for his health to continue to spend time with Alec.

Magnus quickly sipped his coffee. “Great. Yeah...um…that’s great,” he said while inside he was grinning like a fool. This was all he’d ever wanted and he was almost afraid to fall for it, to believe in it…but it wasn’t really a choice he got to make, his heart leapt without consulting his head.

“What about you?” Alec asked, his eyes wide and vulnerable.

“Me?” Magnus asked and he almost played it off, said something flippant but then he looked up and locked eyes with Alec and it didn’t matter if he was breathing or not. All that mattered was that everything he wanted was waiting for him and what kind of idiot would say no to that?

“I’ve been trying to get over you for two years,” Magnus said, laying his heart on his sleeve like he had all night because it was easy, because after everything…he still trusted Alec not to break him. Because it really was no one’s fault and everyone’s fault and the break up was just something that happened and Magnus was tired of letting it define him. “And then you come back into my life and it’s like…not a day has passed. And — and I don’t want to get over you.” I wouldn’t mind getting under you, Magnus almost added before shaking his head.

Alec grinned, the smile slowly morphing his face and Magnus couldn’t not grin back. Was this real? Was this happening? Were they really going to do this?

“I miss you so much I can’t breathe and you’re right across from me,” Alec said like it was the easiest, most obvious thing to blurt out.

Magnus sucked in a quick breath, his heart freezing before beginning a slow, insistent pounding.

“And I was thinking — if you wanted — then maybe…maybe we could try. For real.”

“Try?” Magnus repeated like he’d never heard the word before even though he’d known, hoped, this was where they were headed all night. “You mean…”

“I _mean_ ,” Alec said, standing and moving closer, sitting next to him and grabbing his hand. “We catch up, for real. We try to be a part of each other’s lives again, no holding back. We see if this can work because…because it’s the realest thing I’ve ever had in my life. And I want it back. I want you…I never stopped wanting you.”

***

Alec thought he would be more nervous when he said these words but he wasn’t. Even as Magnus stared down at their hands silently.

“So?” Alec asked after a moment had passed.

“So,” Magnus repeated, looking up and rolling his eyes. “We take it slow and just…see what happens?”

Alec nodded.

“And we have to be honest, about our feelings, about…everything.”

Alec nodded again. “No more secrets,” he said. “No more not talking. If we do this, it’s for real.”

Magnus nodded.

Alec breathed in deeply, waiting. His mind filled with fresh memories of before, when they shut each other out, shattered each other. They couldn’t do that again, Alec wasn’t sure he’d survive it. But…but that’s what they were doing here, wasn’t it? With the talking and the wanting to try, they were trusting each, they were telling each other it was worth trying and that they’d try harder than ever…

Magnus snorted. “Is that even a question?” he asked, laughing. “How could I say no to this? You, with your puppy dog eyes.”

Alec smiled, pressing forward. “But you can, Magnus, if you want to and I promise, I’ll stop bugging you.”

Magnus stood up slowly. Alec watched closely, barely daring to breathe. He was sitting facing Magnus’ chair so there was plenty of room for Magnus to sit across his lap. Alec’s heart pounded louder than ever, his arm coming up around Magnus’ waist so he wouldn’t fall. Magnus wrapped one arm around his neck, resting his free hand right above Alec’s heart.

Alec’s mind emptied as Magnus stared down into his eyes. “I don’t want to say no, Alexander,” he whispered. Their faces were so close that they shared air, Alec shivering as Magnus’ breath ghosted across his skin. “I want to do this, I want to try.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Magnus whispered, leaning in to press his lips to Alec’s cheek. “Slowly,” he added.

Alec nodded, searching for words. This felt…good, right. God, Alec thought, his heart aching, this is what he’d been missing for two impossibly long years, Magnus in his arms, as close as possible. How did he ever survive so long without this?

Magnus shifted and Alec tightened his grip, not ready to let go. “I’m not going anywhere,” Magnus said, chuckling softly.

***

Magnus sat on the couch, stretched out with his head in Alec’s lap.

“Where do we start?” Alec asked, running his fingers through Magnus’ hair.

Magnus hummed quietly, far too content, worn out after one of the longest nights of his life. He almost couldn’t believe it. After everything the last few months…here they were. Magnus knew it couldn’t all be so easy, one night of talking wasn’t going to make this work but…it was a start. And laying there with Alec, it was all too clear, everything he’d been missing, everything he wanted. They could do this, couldn’t they?

Magnus took a deep breath, mind racing, filled with everything they still needed to discuss, to figure out. They’d missed two years of each other’s lives, they couldn’t fall back together so easily…

“How about the last two years?” he suggested.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well...that happened. Everyone still here? Did you make it this far? I think you might like where this is heading. <3
> 
> Chapter 18 is coming as fast as I can get it to you but I'm a bit behind so it might be a little bit of a longer wait this time but hopefully not! With chapter 18 I also promise I'll have my outline ironed out so I can tell you precisely how long the whole fic is going to be (should be between 25 and 30 chapters!)
> 
> Comments and kudos are LOVE, it makes Malec more fluffy and me really happy! Yell at me for breaking your heart or just nice things like what was your favorite part? did you like the chapter? on [Tumblr @imawriteriwrite](http://imawriteriwrite.tumblr.com/)  
> and I love you all and thank you for sticking through the mess of angsty feelings, settle in for the next leg of the story! <3<3<3


	18. Tangled Up In You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec and Magnus are finally at a point where they can try to be together again...what happens next?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are, the MONSTER CHAPTER!. Shout out to Maud who's not only an awesome beta but deals with my crazy obsessing! <3 This one is dedicated to Georgia who gave me a list of fluffy things to include and also deals with my crazy obsessing, I hope you like this chapter. XD
> 
> Title from Tangled Up In You by Trapt
> 
> If you're interested I made a Paparazzi playlist that took ages to perfect [on Spotify here (I hope this link works)](https://open.spotify.com/user/nobody53/playlist/1PH1vX3XcFxwRxFYcXUMw7)

Alec didn’t want to get on a plane. He didn’t want to leave this room. In fact, it was the last thing in the world he wanted just then. Every time he thought about it – getting up, leaving – his heart squeezed tight, making it hard to breathe. He dragged it out as long as he could, waiting until the last minute and then he wanted another and another. Just a minute. Just an hour. A day.

“You have to go,” Magnus said, stretching across the couch, turning his head until he was more comfortable, which was counterproductive as his head was in Alec’s lap and Alec definitely wasn’t going to be the one to move it.

Alec sighed, running his fingers through Magnus’ hair. “I know.”

Why did they have to finally figure things out right before they were going to be separated again? What if Magnus changed his mind before they saw each other next? What if they left this room and everything changed again, everything went back to the way it was before?

“I can literally _feel_ you over-thinking things,” Magnus said, voice low and soft.

Alec forced a laugh through his suddenly dry throat. He frowned, resisting the urge to pull Magnus back as he sat up straight. They’d barely moved from their spot on the couch in hours, Magnus dozing off once or twice in Alec’s lap.

The night replayed in Alec’s mind, talking through everything and then just…existing together. Taking turns filling each other in on their lives the last two years until that got too painful because there was so much they missed, so they moved on to just talking about everything and nothing. And…wasn’t there a chance that this could only work, only exist, locked away in this room together where nothing else could touch them?

“Alexander,” Magnus said, immediately pulling Alec’s gaze to him. Alec’s heart skipped at hearing his full name; he’d missed that more than he realized.

God, he thought, struggling to breathe evenly, he was already so gone again.

Magnus smiled softly, making Alec’s heart beat even faster. “I promise I won’t change my mind, about trying.”

Alec swallowed, nodding, hoping it didn’t show on his face just how much those words meant to him. “Same.”

“Good,” Magnus grinned, eyes sparkling. “But you really do have to go. I’m sure they’re missing you on set.”

Alec just nodded, staring at Magnus, who sighed, hopping to his feet first and offering Alec a hand. Cursing his job, Alec took Magnus’ hand, standing up. He loved his job and he was loving working on the show, enjoying it more than any other job. But not when it meant leaving Magnus when they were just starting to get somewhere.

Magnus tried to take his hand back, moving away, but Alec wouldn’t – _couldn’t_ , let go.

Looking up, Magnus rolled his eyes. “You’re going to have to let go of my hand.”

Feeling his mouth quirk up in a smile, Alec shook his head, barely denying the impulse to pull Magnus closer. It was too surreal, too impossible. Could this be real? After everything that happened two years ago, everything that happened up until this very moment… could it possibly have led to this moment?

Alec was almost afraid to believe it. Almost.

“You’re being ridiculous again,” Magnus said, rolling his eyes, but he was doing his little shoulder shimmy which Alec meant knew Magnus was actually very happy he hadn’t left yet.

“ _You’re_ being ridiculous,” Alec mumbled back for lack of a better response. There was a pulling in his gut, the urge to lean forward and capture Magnus’ lips filling every inch of his body but he held back, not yet. He wouldn’t rush this and ruin everything.

They stood there for another minute, staring at each other, unable to hold back matching grins. We are ridiculous, Alec thought, he didn’t mind though.

“I should go,” he said. He was more exhausted than he’d realized. Only now, when he could relax because they’d made it through the night and surely that was one of the hardest parts, could he stop and breathe and realize he’d barely slept in days. He didn’t regret it but he would once he got back to set.

Alec’s work ethic kicked in, making him realize how stupid he’d been, not sleeping all night. He was expected on set first thing in the morning after another long flight with only a short amount of time to sleep between.

Magnus nodded. “You should.”

Alec looked up, catching Magnus’ eyes again and was suddenly sure that if he didn’t leave right then, he never would. He’d forgotten how much strength it took, leaving Magnus. How he’d managed for two years he had no idea, just the thought seemed impossible now.

Nothing else seemed to exist anymore, it was just the two of them. No one to interrupt, no one to mess this up. If only there wasn’t a set waiting for Alec thousands of miles away.

There wasn’t a lot of space between them — too much until Magnus stepped forward. Alec stood still even though it about killed him, holding back. He could feel Magnus’ breath on his skin as he looked down into Magnus’ eyes, his heart beating so fast he lost his breath.

There was an insistent tugging in his gut, an urge to pull Magnus close, every inch of him craving contact but he didn’t move, watching as Magnus’ eyes dropped to his lips before bouncing back up.

Magnus grinned, rolling his eyes before moving closer. Magnus wrapped his arms around Alec’s waist, holding him close. Every inch of Alec relaxed on an exhale, arms automatically coming up around Magnus.

Alec’s eyes closed on their own accord. Magnus was so warm and – _real_ , in his arms. He never wanted to leave this moment, but he had to. He was already late.

***

Magnus went home, floating on air like a love-struck puppy. He was quite disgusting really, unable to stop smiling, constantly thinking sickeningly sweet things like “I miss him already”. but he was so exhausted he couldn’t even be disgusted with himself.

As long as he didn’t feel the urge to write a love song, he was doing fine.

But he did miss Alec already. He told himself not to, he shouldn’t care so much; it shouldn’t hurt to breathe knowing Alec was about to get on a plane and fly two thousand miles away again. But it did.

Worse than the pain that was all too familiar from two years ago, was the panic already taking root, whispering in Magnus’ ear that it would be all too easy to fall apart again, to have his heart ripped out and stomped on. He tried to drown out the voice, but it was hard.

It was the middle of the day by the time Magnus got back to his apartment. Raphael appeared in front of him the second he stepped inside.

“Jesus!” Magnus shouted, jumping back. “You can’t just appear without a word,” he berated, rubbing his head and pushing past Raphael.

Raphael followed, looking unamused, arms crossed, dark button up tight across his biceps.

“Where have you been all night?”

“Out… _mother_ ,” Magnus quipped, moving to the kitchen.

“Out where?” he asked, looking Magnus up and down slowly.

“Places?” Magnus said, rolling his eyes. He didn’t know why he was keeping it a secret, that he was with Alec, that they were – He didn’t want to say back together, but trying. It just felt so…fragile, this…truce between them. Magnus didn’t want to jinx it by talking about it, by thinking about it and everything he wanted it to be. It felt like it could slip away far too easily and leave Magnus drowning in its wake.

“Earth to Bane,” Raphael said, waving a hand in Magnus’ face. “Did you hook up last night?”

Magnus felt his face flush at the thought and glared. “Who named you mother hen?” he asked, whirling around to the fridge.

“Someone has to take Clary’s spot,” Raphael shrugged.

Magnus gasped. “I thought I was mother hen, since you’re all living in my house?”

Raphael rolled his eyes so hard Magnus briefly worried they’d get stuck. “You can’t even mother yourself.”

“Ouch,” Magnus mumbled, grabbing a bottle of water and a box of Girl Scout cookies he’d hidden, turning to head up to bed before stopping short. “What?” he asked, feeling Raphael’s gaze burning into his back.

Raphael stood on the other side of the kitchen, eyes narrowed. “You never told me how New York was.”

Magnus shrugged. “Fine.”

Raphael tilted his head, considering that. “Are you happy?” he demanded.

Magnus shrugged but his heartbeat had already quickened as his mind immediately played back the last twelve hours. Actually talking to Alec. Alec saying he’d never gotten over Magnus, no matter how hard he tried. Alec saying he wanted to try again, for real.

Magnus swallowed dryly. Looking up, he scoffed at Raphael’s disgusted look. “Yes,” he taunted. “Disgustingly so. Now can I go?”

Raphael smirked, nodding.

“I’m surrounded by lovesick people, it is disgusting.” Magnus heard Raphael mumble as he headed upstairs. Magnus’ heart skipped, lovesick…. He wasn’t _lovesick_. Not yet. Possibly dangerously close but… but all they were doing, all they’d said, is that they were going to try. To be in each other’s lives. To get over all this crap between them. That was not…lovesick.

Magnus groaned, flopping down on his bed next to Chairman Meow. “Good, you’re here,” he said, reaching out to pet Chairman. “I need someone to talk to.”

***

Alec was sitting in the airport, sipping coffee and waiting to board the plane when his phone rang. He pulled it out of his pocket, already knowing it was Isabelle because of the absurd ringtone she’d set for herself on his phone.

“Alec!” Isabelle shouted as soon as he answered. Alec smiled, shaking his head, she sounded happy. Happier than he could remember hearing in a long time.

“Izzy!” he shouted back, making her laugh.

“Tell me, brother, do I have to kill you?” she asked, turning serious quickly.

Alec frowned before remembering her threat. He considered his answer for a minute, hesitating to tell her about…everything. They hadn’t said if they were telling anyone but there wasn’t much to say yet. It — _they_ — needed time. To figure out what was still there, what could be salvaged from what they had two years ago.

“Alec?” Izzy prompted.

Alec let out a deep breath, pulling his thoughts together as he slumped in the uncomfortable airport chair. He closed his eyes, he really needed to sleep soon, he thought as his head pounded. Finally, he said “No,” forcing back a smile.

Isabelle squealed. “I need details! Now!”

“No,” Alec repeated. He didn’t want to jinx it. Not yet. They needed time to figure this out, he knew what he wanted – _they_ knew what they wanted but…but that didn’t mean it would work. Alec cleared his throat, heart aching at the thought. “Look, we talked okay? That’s all.”

“And?” Isabelle prompted.

“And…” And we’re trying. And I forgot how happy I could feel. And I can’t think of Magnus without feeling a pang of longing. And I miss him already which is stupid because I only just stopped having to miss him. “Nothing,” Alec said. “Yet.”

Silence filled the other side of the call for a minute before Izzy sighed. “Fine, but I expect details soon,” she said.

Alec rolled his eyes, picturing her knowing grin. He really had no idea how Isabelle knew half of what she did.

“Whatever,” Alec said, shifting on the uncomfortable seat. “What about you?” he teased. “Magnus mentioned something about an _incriminating photo_?”

Isabelle laughed. “Shut up,” she ordered. “I mean…okay, fine. Simon and I are together.” Alec swallowed dryly at the way she said it, so casually and sure. She sounded…ecstatic. And she should be, Alec thought, Simon and her had been dancing around each other literally for years. Now they could safely slide into the honeymoon phase.

Alec cut his thoughts off, focusing on Izzy before he could start remembering his and Magnus’ honeymoon phase. They deserved to be happy, he told himself, forcing away the strange wave of jealousy that came with it.

“Damn it,” Alec cursed, shaking his head.

“What?”

“I lost the bet because of you,” he groaned.

Isabelle laughed again. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be. You sound happy,” Alec said, wishing that they were having this conversation in person even though then he would have no chance of keeping anything from her.

Isabelle didn’t hesitate with her reply, “I am.” She paused. “I mean…I know Simon isn’t my usual type but…he’s always been here for me, you know? And…and I think I kept him at a distance because…because I knew it would be different with him than anyone else.”

“What changed?” Alec asked, staring down at the steam coming out of his coffee cup.

“I don’t know… I guess I realized he wouldn’t wait forever, he shouldn’t have to.”

“Are you scared?” Alec didn’t know why he asked the question that was out of his mouth before he could stop it.

Isabelle hesitated a minute. “Yeah…but I think I’ll get over it.”

Alec glanced around at the busy airport, people were rushing about in every direction, couples, families, groups and single people. He glanced out the window over the tarmac, mind spinning.

“I’m happy for you, Izzy,” he finally said, because he was.

“Stop being a sap,” she replied. “Love you, big bro,” she added before hanging up.

“Love you.”

Alec fell asleep nearly right away once the plane took off. His mind spun, filled with a million thoughts that calmed whenever he thought about Magnus even though Magnus was the cause of most the worries floating through his brain. That was a good sign, wasn’t it?

***

Magnus tried to sleep, it should’ve been easy, he should’ve been dead to the world as soon as his head hit the pillow. But he wasn’t. Instead, his mind was a whirlwind of thoughts he was caught up in.

There was so much he had to do over the next few weeks, his single was going to drop, he had to film the music video, finish recording. Everything was coming up fast and Magus was ready to let himself just fall forward and get lost in it all. But then there was Alec.

Magnus wanted to be happy about them, about trying and he was but also… A lot could change in the next few weeks and what if this was a terrible idea?

Magnus rolled over in bed, shaking his head. Reaching out for his phone, he slipped his headphones in, cycling through his latest demos.

It wasn’t a terrible idea, he reminded himself. Or maybe it was, but it didn’t matter. Because it could end in disaster — in broken skin and bloodied hearts. But it could also end in…in everything Magnus had made himself forget he wanted. In love and happiness and – and happily ever after. And it was worth risking the pain, he knew it was.

One step at a time, he reminded himself. They were just trying, it didn’t have to be a big deal.

His own music filling his head, Magnus scrolled through to his secret photo album. For the first time in two years, it didn’t hurt looking through the pictures from before, it made him feel…hopeful.

Magnus took a deep breath, closing his eyes. He wouldn’t talk himself out of this. He wouldn’t let himself get scared and pull away. Not this time. It didn’t matter if they couldn’t see each other for weeks or months. They’d figure it out. They had all the time in the world.

***

Slipping into the back of the car at the airport, Alec pulled his phone out idly as the driver pulled out onto the street.

Alec felt a smile curve up his mouth as soon as his phone turned back on, Magnus’ name staring at him from his notifications.

 **Glittery Bane of My Existence:** Terribly sorry but…

 **Glittery Bane of My Existence:** I told Chairman Meow you were in town…

 **Glittery Bane of My Existence:** He’s heartbroken. Will probably never talk to you again.

 **Glittery Bane of My Existence:** Terribly sorry.

Rolling his eyes, Alec bit back a smile as he typed out a quick message before changing his mind and calling instead. His heart raced, making him feel ridiculous. It was just Magnus. It was just a phone call. He needed to chill.

The phone rang and rang and then went to voicemail. Alec felt disappointed and then realized Magnus was probably sleeping. Neither of them had slept in twenty-four hours.

Sighing, he glanced out the window at the now familiar scenery. They were about to start filming the last few episodes of the season, he reminded himself, then he might be able to manage to be in the same time zone as Magnus long enough to figure out what the hell they were doing.

Alec jumped, causing the driver to eye him warily when his phone started ringing. Groaning at the ringtone Izzy had set for Magnus on Alec’s phone, he made a mental note to change it as soon as possible.

 “Hey,” Alec said, answering quickly. He cleared his throat, voice coming out slightly breathless.

“Hey you,” Magnus replied. Alec could hear the sleep in his voice and closed his eyes, leaning back against his seat.

“Did I wake you?” he asked, talking lower than he meant to, torn between feeling bad and just being happy to talk to Magnus. It’s only been a few hours since you saw him, he reminded himself, cautioning himself to go slow, to pull back, to not fall right away — like he hadn’t already.

“No,” Magnus said and then preceded to yawn.

“Oh, really?” Alec asked, chuckling. Marveling at the change one night could make, no more than forty-eight hours before Alec was ready to give up. Just a few weeks before they were nothing more than a mess of a fake relationship and now…

Alec took a deep breath, leaning against the window.

“Not to worry, you’re worth losing sleep for.”

Alec knew Magnus was just teasing but it made his heart skip nonetheless. “Shut up,” he mumbled.

“Are you blushing? I bet you’re blushing,” Magnus teased, sounding more awake. Alec heard rustling on the other end of the phone and imagined Magnus was getting comfortable in bed.

Ignoring his flushing cheeks and the pull in his stomach, yearning to be with Magnus, curled close in bed, Alec changed the subject. “So why does Chairman Meow hate me? Were you feeding him lies again?”

“ _No_ ,” Magnus gasped. “I would _never_ lie to Chairman Meow. He just found out that you didn’t visit him when you were in town. It hurt his feelings. He’ll probably never speak to you again. I’m terribly sorry, Alexander.”

Alec rolled his eyes, getting comfortable against the window. He could so clearly imagine the expressions on Magnus’ face as he talked, the way he’d rest a hand over his chest and his eyes would get all wide and innocent.

Alec scoffed. “You are not sorry. You’re happy.”

“What? Gasp,” Magnus replied, sounding honestly offended.

Alec snorted. “Did you just say ‘gasp’?” he asked.

“Of course, I wanted to make sure you heard, sometimes a good gasp doesn’t come across the phone well.”

Alec laughed, shaking his head. “You know Chairman has always liked me better, you did this on purpose, didn’t you?”

“How dare you, I’m his _everything_ ,” Magnus said. “I should hang up this phone right now.”

“Don’t,” Alec said before he could stop himself.

Silence fell on the other side of the phone for a long minute, all Alec could hear was Magnus breathing. His heart stumbled along, waiting.

“I won’t.”

Alec nodded, swallowing dryly and drumming his fingers against his leg as heat radiated through his chest. He felt weightless like he was floating through the air. “Good,” he finally said.

They didn’t say much, a few words here and there, listening to each other’s presence on the other end of the phone. Eventually, they had to hang up, as the driver stopped in front of Alec’s hotel.

“Wait,” Magnus said, catching Alec right before hanging up. “I – I don’t think we should tell anyone, yet. Just…until we see what happens.”

Alec froze for a second before agreeing, knowing this wasn’t Magnus saying he didn’t believe in them and he wasn’t trying to back out it was just… so new. And complicated. “I agree,” Alec said.

“Really? Because it’s not you, it’s just—”

“Just we have to make sure it’s going to work, trying. Before we tell everyone. It’s like…a trial period,” Alec said, mind spinning. How long would the trial period take, he wondered. Could they really get back to everything they’d had before…? No, he answered himself. They couldn’t go back but… but maybe they could find something new, better even… Maybe.

“Exactly,” Magnus said, voice soft and sounding further away suddenly. “A trial period.”

“Good,” Alec said, barely aware of the wide smile spreading across his face.

“Great.” Magnus laughed and even over the phone it sent shivers down Alec’s spine.

“I should go,” Alec said, looking out at the darkening night, sighing. “I’ll call you later,” he promised.

“I’ll text you if Chairman seems in a forgiving mood,” Magnus said.

Alec’s heart twinged as he finally opened the car door. “I look forward to it,” he chuckled.

When Alec got upstairs, he found Jace waiting for him in his room.

“Finally,” Jace said, looking up. Jace’s eyes narrowed, looking at Alec like he’d grown a second head.

“What?” Alec demanded, slipping into the room and throwing his small bag onto the bed. He slipped out of his jacket, pulling his shirt over his head. As tired as he was, he was desperate for a shower.

Jace shrugged, flopping down on the couch and grabbing for the remote. “You’re smiling, it almost hurts to look at,” he said.

“Shut up.” Alec groaned, moving to the dresser for clean clothes.

“Did you see Magnus?” Jace asked casually, flipping through tv channels.

Alec hesitated, grabbing one of multiple identical black shirts. “Yeah.”

“And?” Jace asked, peering back over his shoulder at Alec, eyebrow raised.

“And no comment,” Alec said gruffly, shutting the dresser and moving towards the bathroom. “We talked but that’s it.”

Jace stared a moment too long as Alec turned his back on him, Alec never had been good at lying to his siblings. Jace finally shook his head. “Sorry, bro.”

Alec bit his lip, thinking _I’m not_.

***

_Jace just tripped walking on set._

Magnus smirked down at his phone as Alec sent him a play by play of his evening.

“What are you smiling at?”

Glancing up, Magnus slipped his phone into his pocket, shrugging. “Cat memes, what else?” he asked, pulling Clary in close for a hug. “Are you enjoying your party?”

Clary grinned, rolling her eyes. “You really didn’t have to throw me a going away party, Magnus.”

The apartment was filled with people, music played over Magnus’ expensive speaker system. All together it wasn’t the best party Magnus had ever planned but pretty good for throwing it together in two hours flat.

“Of course, I did, Biscuit. It would hurt my reputation not to,” he replied.

Clary quirked an eyebrow. “And how does texting a certain dark haired man while grinning like a lovesick puppy help your rep?”

Magnus scoffed even as his heart skipped. There was that word, _lovesick,_ again. “I was looking at cat memes. It’s my own fault really, this party sucks.”

Ignoring Clary’s knowing look — the whole not telling anyone thing was working swell so far — Magnus’ gaze roamed around the room before landing on the couple in the armchair near the window. Isabelle sat in Simon’s lap, talking softly to each other. Magnus could practically see the heart eyes coming from the two of them.

Magnus cleared his throat, nodding towards them. “You owe me,” he reminded Clary, smirking.

“Damn it,” Clary cursed, digging in her pocket. “I really thought I’d win, who doesn’t randomly confess their love on Christmas after all?”

“A Jewish boy?” Magnus suggested.

Clary paused, eyes narrowing. “I thought you didn’t even know Simon’s name,” she taunted.

Magnus rolled his eyes, snatching the money from her hand. “Thank you, Biscuit. And I’m just happy Samuel is happy.”

Clary pouted, leaning back against the wall next to Magnus. “Are you going to tell me what happened last night or not?” she asked. “Keep in mind, I’m the most important person in your life. You taught me everything you know. I’m like…your protégée.”

“And clearly you’ve been around me too long,” Magnus snorted, grabbing his empty glass and heading to the kitchen for a refill. “There’s nothing to tell,” he added as she followed.

He considered it for a minute, looking at Clary’s puppy dog eyes. “I don’t want to curse what may or may not happen,” he said.

Clary frowned. “Okay. I guess that’s fair,” she paused, eyeing him slowly. “Are you happy?”

Magnus hesitated before scoffing. “Why is everyone asking me that?”

“Because we care,” Clary said, smirking. “For some unknown reason.”

“Shut it, you.”

Magnus filled two glasses with the champagne he’d hidden, sliding Clary a glass and raising his in a toast. “To you, Biscuit, may you blow New York away with your artistic abilities.”

“And to you, Magnus Bane, may you always be covered in glitter and surrounded by cats,” Clary grinned, clinking glasses.

Magnus snorted. “I’m not sure if you’re insinuating I’m a crazy cat lady or a stripper.”

“Both.”

***

The first few days were easy, Alec slipped back into the swing of things on set. They had to keep to a fast pace to finish filming on time so it wasn’t hard to block his thoughts out, putting all his energy into the show. But every night – or morning, whenever he finally had time to lay down for a while – his thoughts started again, worries threatening to overwhelm him.

Alec knew what happened when you had a chance to stop and think things through; you talked yourself out of the stuff that was terrifying. Like trying to be together again. He really, _really_ didn’t want Magnus to talk himself out of it.

He was on edge half the time, overly aware of everything hanging between them when he talked to Magnus on the phone. It wasn’t always effortless, like it had been when they were just…friends? Fake dating? Whatever they were. Now the first twenty minutes of any conversation was awkward and stilted.

They’d talked through everything that night, rehashed their whole past and then caught up on the last two years — most of it anyway — what they hadn’t talked about was what exactly trying entailed. It felt too late now and they were both just…wading through it, trying to find solid ground.

Just hold on long enough to find it, Alec thought. Just hold on long enough to figure this out.

And the other half the time, Alec was just _happy_. He’d nearly forgotten what that felt like. He’d been happy the last two years, sure. He loved his life, his friends, good things had happened but…but he hadn’t felt this kind of happiness in a long time.

***

The next week flew by. Magnus had meeting after meeting concerning the impending release of his new single, not to mention they were getting ready to film the music video, and he had to finish recording the album, and all the little small details that needed to be handled.

The apartment was strangely quiet without Clary. Raphael and Isabelle got into screaming matches multiple times as their dancing was thrown off without a third person. When Magnus had asked them if they wanted to be a part of his audition process for new dancers, he’d legitimately feared for his life at the dark looks they’d shot him.

And then there was Alec. And rushing thoughts and complicated emotions and…and yet, Magnus found himself in a good mood. All the time. It was slightly disconcerting.

He was getting ready for a photoshoot when it finally sank in, what was happening, what they were doing — what _he_ was doing. Magnus was lounging in his seat, getting his makeup and hair done, sending Alec increasingly ridiculous selfies, laughing all the while when he suddenly froze.

Magnus’ heart skipped around painfully as his mind supplied him with one crystal clear thought: he was falling for Alec. Again. Already. Too soon. Too fast. It wasn’t supposed to happen like this, they were going slow. Without his permission, Magnus’ thoughts took off, supplying a million reasons why this was a bad idea.

Magnus’ phone buzzed in his hand and he slipped it back into his pocket without glancing at it, finding it hard to breathe suddenly. This shouldn’t be a surprise, he told himself. It was nothing new. He’d been falling for Alec again for weeks, months. Had he ever stopped? He couldn’t tell anymore. Everything was muddied, too intertwined to untangle and figure out reasonably.

No matter what, they had a past. Despite everything that had happened since then…

Magnus shook his head. Everything was complicated. It was all so new yet…not new at all because they’d been here before, they’d been heading here forever. It was mildly terrifying. He remembered it from before, these feelings, the slowly falling, the intertwining, but he also clearly remembered where it all lead. He —

“They’re ready for you.”

Magnus glanced up, nodding to Luke who’d flown out to L.A. to handle things until the album release. Standing, Magnus slipped off the robe he was wearing over his clothes which was a dark, mildly shiny suit that made him look unbelievably sexy if he did say so himself.

“Everything alright?” Luke asked, resting a hand on Magnus’ arm.

Magnus looked up, nodding. “Perfectly fine,” he said, forcing a smile. “I look fabulous and am about to do one of my favorite things, what could be better?” he joked, moving past Luke.

But panic was slowly taking over, filling him with a new kind of dread. There was a weird tingling in his chest, an ache in the back of his throat as he followed the photographer’s directions. Normally Magnus loved a good photo session, but just then he found himself unable to slip into the right state of mind, where he could just relax and enjoy himself. Suddenly, he wanted time to speed up, pass more quickly so he could avoid the thoughts swirling in his mind.

He was drowning in emotions he was trying desperately to hold back because it was too soon. He was supposed to be taking this slow. The problem was, you could control your actions — he could put off kissing Alec, hold back from letting himself fit seamlessly with him — but he couldn’t hold back his emotions; he couldn’t force them to develop slowly. He couldn’t force them away.

“Hold up!” the photographer called suddenly. “Magnus, my dear, it’s like you’re a million miles away.”

Magnus shook his head. More like two thousand miles away, with Alec.

Magnus cleared his throat, forcing his mind to empty. “Sorry, let’s go again.”

***

Alec couldn’t help but think this would all be a lot easier if they were in the same city – hell the same state. As is, it was like they were hanging in a state of stasis, unable to move forward or backward, stuck in place.

It was driving him insane.

Alec wanted to see Magnus. He wanted to be able to…to try. Like they were supposed to. To spend time with him. See what was there. Go out together. He wanted to hear all about his day face to face instead of rushed, over the phone when they had a free moment.

Was it too much to ask to have a little time to figure things out together, now that they’d finally gotten to this place? It’d taken them two years to be in the same room together. Painful months filled with confusion and pain and longing, not to mention endless fights, to get to this moment and god why hadn’t he kissed Magnus before he left?

It was the middle of the night and Alec was taking a break in his trailer during a late night filming session. Quickly doing the math and deciding it wasn’t too late to call, he pulled his phone out. He’d just pulled up his speed dial when there was a knock on the trailer.

“Five minutes until you’re needed back on set,” his handler called.

Sighing, Alec tossed his phone onto the small couch, closing his eyes tightly. There was plenty of time, he reminded himself. But just because there was plenty of time, didn’t mean he wanted to wait. They’d already waited more than _two years_.

***

“Please tell me you aren’t sitting on the balcony ledge,” Alec’s voice came over the phone after the first ring.

Magnus laughed, sitting perfectly safely on the balcony ledge. “I have good balance,” he said, sipping from the glass of wine in his hand. Magnus could perfectly picture Alec rolling his eyes and smiled softly. “Don’t roll your eyes at me.”

“I’m not,” Alec said.

“Yes, you are,” Magnus said, swirling his wine.

“Whatever,” Alec said, making Magnus chuckle. “How was your day?”

Magnus hummed softly, thinking. “Terrible,” he finally said.

“What happened?”

Slipping off the edge of the balcony, Magnus moved to the couch, turning to look out at the shining L.A. skyline. “I need to hire new dancers and they’re all terrible,” he grumbled.

Alec hummed thoughtfully, pausing before asking, “Are they really terrible or are they just not Clary?”

Magnus sighed, loud and drawn out. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said.

“You aren’t replacing Clary, Magnus. You’re just hiring a few new dancers. Just like you would for any tour or show,” Alec said, his voice soft and comforting.

Magnus settled back in his seat, putting his feet up and closing his eyes. This was quickly becoming Magnus’ favorite part of any day, after only two weeks. Whenever they found time to talk — once they stopped letting the awkwardness get in the way and just… _talked_ — they could talk for hours and Magnus would barely notice the time passing.

“I know, but I hate hiring new people.”

Alec laughed and Magnus’ heart skipped around. It hadn’t even been two weeks, they only had time to talk every couple days, and they hadn’t seen each other since their big talk but… This is working, Magnus thought, biting back a smile. This could actually work.

***

Alec could spend all night listening to Magnus talk over the phone, just having some connection to him, something to tell Alec that this was real.

“Tell me a story,” Magnus said later that night.

Alec rolled over in bed, staring up at the ceiling, mind spinning slowly. It was late and he was wasting away all his time for sleeping, not that he minded. “Like what?” he asked, voice soft and sleepy. “Do you want to hear about how Lydia nearly killed Jace with a sword?”

It sounded like Magnus choked on the other end of the line. Before Alec could ask if he was okay, he said, “You’ve been holding out on me, Alexander.”

Alec laughed, closing his eyes as he recounted the story. Jace had been in a crabby mood lately and, after walking in on him leaving a voicemail for Clary, Alec had a pretty good idea where the bad mood stemmed from but Jace refused to talk about it. It’d lead to him blowing up a little on set when a stagehand spilled coffee on him. Lydia had overheard Jace’s tantrum and it quickly exploded from there.

“Lydia nearly skewered him,” Alec finished, shaking his head. “I don’t know what to do with Jace,” he added. It’d been weighing on his mind for days, drowning out everything else. If Jace wasn’t careful, no one would want to work with him. He needed to get himself under control before he did something really stupid and ended up getting fired.

“You know you can’t be responsible for him all the time, Alec,” Magnus said.

Alec sighed, rubbing his head with his free hand. “I know,” he said.

“No, you don’t,” Magnus said softly. “You take all the responsibility for Jace, you always have, but he needs to handle his own life. You can’t kill yourself worrying for him.”

Alec nodded even though Magnus couldn’t see him. The room seemed to shrink around him, the air growing thicker, hard to breathe.

When he spoke, the words just fell out before he registered saying them. “You should come visit set.”

Alec froze. It felt like they were being so careful, every word planned and perfect — don’t say too much, don’t make it awkward again — and then that just slipped through when he wasn’t paying attention. But, after the words were out, Alec realized how much he’d been wanting to say them. He wanted to see Magnus. He missed Magnus. They weren’t going to get anywhere with this, being two thousand miles apart.

He _needed_ to see Magnus.

***

“I mean, if you have time,” Alec quickly added. “And you wanted to. It would get Hodge off our backs, we’re still in our fake relationship after all. And — and we could hang out,” he rambled on adorably.

Magnus’ heart skipped before settling down into an easy pace _. Of course I want to_ , Magnus thought. It didn’t even matter if he had things to do, he’d push them back, put them off. He wanted to see Alec. None of this felt real. It felt like a dream and Magnus needed to be sure it wasn’t. There was no way to do that when they weren’t even in the same state let alone the same room.

“I want to,” Magnus said before he could talk himself out of it, the worries already pushing to the front of his mind, whispering along to him that what if they realized this was a mistake? What if it only worked over the phone? But was that really working at all? And none of that mattered, did it? When there was an aching pit in Magnus’ stomach, a deep tugging desire to just be in the same place as Alec.

“Yeah?” Alec asked, breathing the word out on a whisper.

“Yeah,” Magnus said without hesitating. His heart started racing, a smile curving up his mouth.

“When?”

Magnus laughed, laying back on the couch. “In a hurry, are you?”

“Yes,” Alec said, making Magnus breathe in a sharp breath. “I want to see you.”

Heart on his sleeve, racing pulse filling his head, Magnus said, “I want to see you too.” And it felt like a Big Thing, like a deep confession because they were finally allowed to say it now. They were allowed to admit that they missed each other more than seemed possible, that they’d been missing each other for what felt like forever.

“So as soon as possible then,” Magnus determined, smiling even as his chest felt oddly hollow, heart torn out and put on display for all to see.

“Sounds perfect.”

***

Alec checked the time for the fifth time in less than two minutes.

“Dude, chill,” Jace said, flopping down next to Alec where he was sitting, leg bouncing annoyingly as he stared at his lunch. “You need to relax,” Jace said, reaching out and stealing a strawberry from Alec’s plate.

“Yeah well,” Alec replied, batting Jace’s hand away. “We can’t all be so relaxed all the time.”

Jace froze, a forkful of salad halfway to his mouth. “What’s that supposed to mean?” he demanded.

Alec looked up from his phone, checking for messages — and the time. He frowned when he saw Jace’s face that was turning red, eyes narrowed dangerously. “Nothing,” Alec said, eyeing his brother closely.

“Yeah right. Just say what you mean Alec,” Jace said, voice low and angry as he pushed his plate away.

Alec held his hands up. “I didn’t mean anything, Jace,” he said carefully. The last week everyone had been tiptoeing around Jace, who could go off any minute it seemed. “What’s wrong?”

Jace shrugged. “Nothing. I’m just a little sick of all the backhanded comments.”

“What backhanded comments?” Alec asked, leaning forward. He completely forgot about his phone and obsessively checking the time, all his attention turning to Jace. He’d put this off long enough. He should’ve talked to Jace days ago, when he first started acting like this. Jace had two moods, when he was happy everyone was happy but the second something went wrong…he turned into a grade A asshole.

“Nothing,” Jace repeated. “Forget about it.” He started to get up but Alec was faster, grabbing his arm and holding him in place.

“Talk to me Jace,” he said.

Jace shook his head, visibly bristling as he threw his shoulders back. “Nothing to talk about.”

Alec sighed. “Don’t pull this shit with me, Jace.”

“What shit?” Jace snatched his arm away, crossing them over his chest.

Alec shook his head, getting to his own feet and stepping close to Jace so the other cast and crew hanging nearby couldn’t overhear. He looked into Jace’s eyes but Jace glanced away, face hard.

“Come _on_ , Jace, you’re my best friend, my brother, I know when something’s bothering you.” Alec decided against mentioning everyone on set knew something was bothering Jace.

Jace shrugged again. Then opened his mouth. Closed it and clenched his jaw. Alec waited patiently, knowing Jace would spit it out eventually.

“Did you know Clary moved back to New York?” Jace finally burst out.

Alec frowned, having not seen that coming. “Um, yeah? Why?” he asked.

Jace turned to glare at him. “Did she tell you?”

Alec closed his eyes briefly, it always came back to this. “She’s my friend, so yes, she texted me to tell me she got into art school there,” he said, knowing there was no point in denying it.

Jace scoffed. “Of course, she did.”

“How’d you find out?” Alec asked, rubbing his forehead.

Jace shrugged.

“Stalking her online again?” Alec said, shaking his head. “Of course she didn’t tell you, Jace, you aren’t even friends. You just keep —”

“Keep what? Ruining things? Just like you and Magnus? Well, so what, why do you get to be all bitchy about it and I can’t?” Jace asked, shaking slightly. “I should be allowed to be bitchy about it.”

Alec shook his head, ignoring the pang of betrayal at Jace’s words. “You know that’s not the same, Jace.”

Jace snorted.

“It’s _not_ ,” Alec repeated, feeling a headache coming on. “Magnus and I…we were together and we were friends and we both fucked things up.”

“Oh, so now _I’m_ the fuck up,” Jace scoffed.

“That isn’t what I’m saying,” Alec said, pulling Jace further off to the side, getting angry himself now. “You need to grow up, Jace,” he finally said, pushing him back into the nearest alcove. Jace folded his arms, glaring. “I mean it. You do this all the time, Jace. You need to figure it out okay? Do want to be with Clary or not? If you don’t figure it out soon, you won’t have any chance at all.”

Alec held his hand up when Jace opened his mouth, visibly growing angrier. “Stop letting all this shit get to you,” Alec demanded. “Stop being a _dick_ , I know you don’t like acting that way so just stop.”

Jace shook his head, staring resolutely at the wall.

“Alec.”

Alec turned, seeing Lydia eyeing them closely. “You’re wanted on set,” she said, nodding to the side.

Alec sighed, turning to Jace who was still glaring at the wall. He shook his head, throwing his hands up, he couldn’t deal with this right now.

Turning away, Alec quickly glanced at the time again. Just a few more hours.

***

Magnus caught himself on his third lap, pacing around his hotel room. He paused in front of the big windows, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath to clear his thoughts.

“You’re being ridiculous,” he told himself, shaking his head. “You’re better than this. Just…relax. It’s no big deal.”

Realizing he was still talking to himself, Magnus groaned, moving to the bed where he’d set his guitar case.

It was no big deal, he continued to himself silently. It’d just been a few weeks since their talk so he was nervous and anxious and worried that everything would fly out the window. That he and Alec would end up in a screaming match again but that wasn’t going to happen, he reminded himself. It wouldn’t.

He took a deep breath, forcing away the little voice that said Alec could change his mind or maybe he’d been wrong and now that they were trying he’d realize he didn’t want this at all.

 _No_ , Magnus told himself firmly. Do not go down that road. Alec wanted this. Magnus wanted this. Everything would be fine.

Magnus was only staying the weekend so he hadn’t brought much but he was glad he’d once again refused to leave home without his guitar. Pulling the dark polished acoustic guitar from its case, Magnus got comfortable on the bed, resting it in his lap.

After tuning it for a minute, he closed his eyes, letting his fingers pick out a random tune. He was wasting time to be here, time he could be using to practice and check some of the million things off of his to do list. But, as he started playing, those thoughts – just like all the others – disappeared, lost somewhere beyond Magnus and his music haze.

He was supposed to write a song for a new movie but so far all he had was a tune and a general feeling he wanted the song to invoke. It was beginning to drive him insane. He needed _lyrics_.

Fingers moving through the chords automatically, Magnus lost himself in playing it again and again, slowly starting to hum along to it. He let his mind wander freely as he played, searching idly for lyrics, a melody, anything.

Magnus lost all track of time, eventually pulling out his songbook to jot notes down, always going back to the chord progression he knew would eventually lead him to a real song. As he played, his breathing became slow and even, his heartbeat following the pace of the song. Every once in awhile, he’d take a break, playing through another song to loosen his mind, even serenading the empty room with an old country jig at one point.

He was in the middle of one of his newest songs, something that was just for him, not the new album when the sound of the door opening pulled him out of his zen zone.

Still strumming the guitar, Magnus looked up, missing a note when his eyes locked on Alec’s. Magnus’ breath stuttered as he took in Alec’s small smile, the way his eyes lit up.

Resting his hand on the fret to silence the guitar, Magnus smiled softly when he dragged his eyes away from Alec’s long enough to register the fact that he’d dressed up for their dinner, wearing a dark blue bottom up and a nice jacket in place of his normal black t-shirt and leather jacket.

“I knocked,” Alec said, pausing to clear his throat when his voice came out slightly hoarse. “I don’t think you heard me.”

Magnus glanced away, setting the guitar to the side. “No,” he said, standing and stretching. “I was—”

“Lost in the music,” Alec said, shaking his head and grinning. “I remember.”

Magnus busied himself putting the guitar away so he wouldn’t get lost smiling sappily up at Alec.

Alec moved further into the room, stepping close to Magnus and running a finger along the guitar in its case. Magnus’ eyes went wide, he hadn’t realized what he’d done when he picked out a guitar to bring, barely sparing it a second look. Alec had given this one to him, though.

Magnus shook his head, he’d nearly forgotten. It’d been before they even started dating, not long after Magnus’ break up with Camille. He’d come home one day to find it, a card tied to the neck with a bow. He still remembered exactly what it said: _You deserve nice things Magnus_. No one had ever randomly given him something like that before and it wasn’t just any guitar but one Magnus had mentioned in passing as the one thing he never bought himself when he got famous even though he used to go to the music store every day and eye the exact same model when he was just a broke orphan.

“You still have it,” Alec finally said, looking up with a million memories swirling in his eyes.

Magnus nodded, swallowing thickly. “Of course.”

Alec smiled slightly, looking down and grabbing Magnus’ hand that was just hanging at his side. “I’m glad you’re here,” he said, clearly continuing with his method of saying everything that was on his mind.

Magnus exhaled slowly, staring down at their hands, his heart racing. “Me too.”

***

Alec had gotten reservations at the nicest restaurant in town. Which they left thirty seconds after walking in, heading instead to a small diner where they shared a milkshake, ate way too much and talked for hours about all the things they’d talked about over the phone for the last weeks because it was so much better, being able to talk in person.

It was almost scary, how easy it was to forget all the crap in the past now that they weren’t trying to. Now that they were done pretending it never happened and shoving it away and instead ran at it head on.

Even the awkwardness that had been present in their first phone calls, faded away in person.

Alec barely noticed the time passing or the way he kept absentmindedly playing with Magnus’ hand as they sat on the same side of the booth, talking softly. Alec forgot the rest of the world for a while; all he could think was why had they waited so long to do this, and _this is going to work_.

They walked back to Magnus’ hotel eventually, hands clasped.

Magnus was in the middle of recounting his adventures in rehearsing with Raphael and Isabelle without Clary when they came to a stop outside the hotel.

“Luke had to break the two of them up,” Magnus finished saying, looking up at Alec, shoulders swaying slightly as he smiled. “I do believe his exact words as they flew across the room at each other where I was unfortunately in the middle of them was ‘don’t harm the merchandise’ wherein I am the aforementioned merchandise.”

Alec chuckled, shaking his head. “Who knew the balance between the three of them was so precarious?”

Magnus rolled his eyes. “I didn’t or I would never have let Clary leave.”

Magnus perked up suddenly, grinning. “Speaking of dear Isabelle…”

Alec groaned, squeezing his eyes closed. “I was hoping you’d forget about the bet.”

“Tsk tsk, my dear Alexander, I never forget a bet,” Magnus said, moving past Alec to the front door of the hotel with a smirk.

Alec’s stomach flipped uncomfortably but he couldn’t help but grin.

Magnus paused at the door as the doorman held it open for him. “Coming up?” he asked, then quickly added, “I thought we could…talk, watch a crappy movie or something. If you want.”

Alec moved forward quickly, accepting Magnus’ outstretched hand. “Sounds great.”

“Yeah?” Magnus asked, a smile quirking up one side of his mouth.

“Yeah,” Alec said and he couldn’t resist the urge to lean forward and press a soft kiss to Magnus’ cheek. All night his heart was racing but now it jumped up another gear. “I want to spend as much time with you this weekend as possible,” he admitted.

Magnus glanced away, Alec could see him biting his lip on a smile, sending Alec’s heart skipping around happily.

Magnus cleared his throat, pulling Alec behind him, into the hotel lobby. “My thoughts exactly.”

***

The hotel room wasn’t anything super fancy, a nice room with a big, comfortable bed, a flat screen tv, a small desk, and a tiny lemon yellow couch that wasn’t big enough for two people to sit on comfortably while watching a movie. Magnus had pulled rank on Luke, insisting on not staying at the most expensive hotel in town.

Slipping his shoes off as Alec closed the door, Magnus ignored the way his heart raced at all the possibilities the night seemed to hold.

Moving towards the bed, Magnus tossed his suitcase onto the couch, moved the guitar case more gently and then grabbed the remote for the TV, flopping down on the bed to get comfortable.

Turning the TV on, he held back a grin, glancing over to where Alec still stood awkwardly by the door. Rolling his eyes, Magnus patted the bed beside him. “I promise not to bite,” he teased, eyes locked on the TV screen.

Alec snorted. “I don’t trust you,” he said but the tension was broken. He slipped his shoes off, sitting on the edge of the bed.

Magnus sighed. “You could get comfortable you know,” he said, suppressing the sudden urge to giggle. All his worries had somehow deserted him at dinner. It was just…easy. Nice. They still had a past, it was still bad but that didn’t seem to matter so much anymore.

For now, he was just happy to be here, with Alec. To see what happened. He was tired of fearing getting hurt again because… he wanted this. Desperately.

Alec made a rude sound, scooting closer. “Happy?” he asked.

“Ecstatic,” Magnus snorted. He was flipping through the movie channels when Alec grabbed the songbook that was still resting on the end of the bed.

“What were you working on earlier?” he asked, staring at the cover of the notebook without opening it.

Magnus smiled, happy that Alec still respected the privacy of Magnus’ songbook even though once upon a time it wouldn’t matter because Alec would already know everything in it. He shrugged. “A song.”

“Oh really?” Alec scoffed. “And here I was, thinking you were making a pizza.”

Magnus snorted.

“Shut up, you know what I mean,” Alec said, handing over the songbook.

Magnus shrugged, humming noncommittally as he continued flipping through channels.

Alec shifted closer suddenly, making Magnus overly aware of the inch of space between their bodies. Magnus leaned back against the headboard, legs stretched out before him. Alec idly reached over, grabbing Magnus’ free hand and entwining their fingers.

“ _Magnus_ ,” he said, dragging Magnus’ name out slightly.

Magnus rolled his eyes, fighting with a smile. “Yes?”

“What were you working on? Is it for the album?” Alec asked casually. Too casually.

Magnus shrugged, pretending to be deciding between Bridget Jones’s Diary and Star Wars.

“You’re not going to tell me?” Alec asked. “Why not?”

Magnus made the mistake of looking over and catching Alec’s hurt puppy dog look, eyes wide, bottom lip pushed out. He blinked exaggeratedly. “Is it a secret?” he whispered.

Magnus snorted. “You’re ridiculous.”

“ _You’re_ ridiculous, just tell me!” Alec laughed.

Magnus turned to face him fully, pretending to think for a minute before nodding. “Okay,” he said, leaning in close like he was going to whisper. Then closer, until there was the smallest breath of air between their faces. Magnus felt a surge of victory as Alec’s eyes briefly darted away from his, down to Magnus’ lips.

Magnus’ breath hitched, eyes shining. He licked his lips, briefly lost in as it occurred to him that he could kiss Alec, right now. Swallowing, Magnus pulled his gaze away from Alec’s lips.

“It’s a…” he whispered, drawing out the suspense as Alec’s gaze returned to his. “ _Song_.”

Alec groaned as Magnus pulled back, laughing.

Before Magnus knew what was happening, Alec reached out, snatching the songbook again. Even knowing that Alec wouldn’t actually read it, Magnus shouted, lunging after him, hand outstretched for the book that Alec held out of his reach.

“You’re so childish,” Magnus laughed, struggling to reach it as Alec held it up high with one hand, the other holding Magnus back.

“Says the man climbing all over — ow,” Alec said, laughing. “And _biting_ me – to get his diary back.”

Magnus gasped, falling back on the bed. “You did not just call that a diary,” he accused, sitting up and straightening his wrinkled low cut deep emerald shirt. He tilted his head up pretentiously. “You are aware of the fact that I am a Magnus Bane, three-time multi-platinum certified pop star, yes?”

Alec snorted, pulling the songbook closer. “So you’re saying this is worth a lot of money?”

“Shut up,” Magnus laughed, lunging for the book again, successfully sprawling across Alec and grabbing the book. They both froze for a minute, Magnus half on top of Alec, looking down at him.

What were they doing? he wondered before deciding it didn’t matter. Whatever it was, he liked it.

Magnus cleared his throat, catching himself looking at Alec’s lips as he licked them. He wanted nothing more than to kiss Alec but he shouldn’t, he told himself. Not yet. “So, movie?”

Alec nodded. Magnus lingered another moment before sitting up, resuming his place next to Alec. “I’ll play it for you when it’s done,” Magnus said, turning to the first movie he found, not noticing what it was. “The song.”

Alec didn’t say anything but Magnus saw him smiling from the corner of his eye.

***

Half an hour into it, Alec had no idea what movie they were watching or what it was about. His eyes were on the screen but his attention was on Magnus, inches away. He kept getting distracted, idly playing with Magnus’ hand, watching him out of the corner of his eyes.

He remembered feeling this before, this…ease, just being together, not even doing anything. But it was more intense now because it’d been so long since he last felt it. He couldn’t think of anything else that made him feel so relaxed and…happy. Spending time with Magnus was still one of the easiest things in the world and Alec was struck suddenly with the notion that he always wanted it to be this way. He didn’t want to ever have to go back to the way it was before, the way it’d been for two years. But that was a big thought and they were taking things slow and that made Alec feel like he was standing on the edge of a cliff, ready to fall the long way down so he shoved it all away, smiling as Magnus laughed at something happening in the movie.

Alec startled a few minutes later when Magnus suddenly turned the TV off, climbing out of bed.

“What’s wrong?” Alec asked, frowning.

Magnus turned to him, a happy glint in his eyes. “I have no idea what we’ve been watching,” he admitted, then grinned. “And I want ice cream.”

Alec threw his head back groaning. “Of course, you do. It’s like midnight, you know?”

“I know,” Magnus said, moving to the bathroom. “This town does have late night stores yes?”

“Yes,” Alec sighed, scooting off the bed to retrieve his shoes.

When Magnus came out of the bathroom a few minutes later, he’d wiped off his makeup and changed into silky pajamas. “May as well be comfortable,” he said, slipping on a pair of fuzzy slippers and grabbing his room card. “Shall we?”

Alec rolled his eyes, following Magnus out of the room. He couldn’t count how many times they’d made a trip like this in the middle of the night. Usually for ice cream but occasionally for hot chocolate (when they were in New York, near Magnus’ favorite coffee shop that stayed open all night), or cookies or snacks for a midnight movie. It didn’t matter what time it was or what season – they’d done it in the middle of winter with four inches of snow on the ground. Alec just couldn’t say no to Magnus and Magnus had a habit of craving ice cream in the middle of the night and never buying ice cream when he was shopping. “Half the fun is going to get the ice cream, darling,” he’d say anytime Alec questioned his methods.

“So where’s the nearest store?” Magnus asked, sticking his hands in his pockets as they stepped outside.

“I have no idea,” Alec replied, pulling out his phone to look it up.

They started walking down the street, Magnus’ all but invisible bodyguards following behind after Magnus had knocked on their door on his way out. Alec knew Magnus hated having them follow him all the time, especially disturbing them in the middle of the night, but Luke would kill all of them if he found out Magnus was gallivanting around town without them.

“Are you sure we’re going the right way?” Magnus asked a few minutes later, reaching out for Alec’s phone. Alec handed it over without a word, staring up at the dark night sky.

“Close,” Magnus said, fiddling with Alec’s phone for a minute before stopping suddenly.

Alec took another step, looking back at Magnus curiously. “What is it?” he asked when Magnus just continued to stare down at the phone.

Magnus looked up slowly, eyes wide, a smile dancing at the corner of his mouth. “Glittery Bane of my Existence?” he demanded, a manic laugh building.

Alec screwed his eyes shut, cringing. “You looked to see what your name is in my phone?” he asked.

“No,” Magnus said, cackling. “I was looking for Jace’s number and happened to see it.”

Alec groaned, hiding his face.

Magnus stepped close suddenly. Alec kept his eyes shut, breathing in the scent of Magnus’ shampoo. He could feel the heat coming from Magnus’ body, barely any space between them now.

“Don’t worry,” Magnus said softly, voice still edged with laughter. “I think it’s adorable.”

Alec opened his eyes just so he could roll them.

Magnus was bare inches away, standing as close as he could without them touching. Alec’s breath hitched as he looked down at Magnus. His eyes were shining and he was doing his shoulder shimmy that never failed to make Alec’s heart skip.

“So,” Magnus said, arching an eyebrow.

“So?” Alec repeated, reminding himself how to breathe.

Magnus leaned closer, idly running one hand up Alec’s arm. “Don’t you want to know what your name is in my phone?” he asked, batting his eyelashes.

Alec chuckled, shaking his head. Magnus’ hair — with one blue streak — fell in his eyes and without thinking, Alec reached up, pushing it back. Heart lodged in his throat somewhere, he said, “I already know what it is.”

Magnus froze, glaring. “How could you possibly know?”

Alec shrugged. “I have my ways,” he said, moving to turn away when Magnus’ hand moved to his shoulder to stop him.

Alec looked back at Magnus, who closed the last of the distance between them, leaning into whisper in his ear. Alec held his breath, heart racing. “Sorry for being such a bane,” Magnus whispered, reaching around Alec to slid his phone into his back pocket.

“Nice one,” Alec said, rolling his eyes as he struggled to remember how to breathe, Magnus now firmly pressed up against him.

Looking up at him, Magnus smiled, a small tilting of his lips, eyes shining under the streetlamp.

Alec breathed in and out, raggedly, Magnus’ hand resting on his side. Eyes sweeping over Magnus’ face, his hand moved up, cupping Magnus’ cheek, thumb lightly running over his cheekbone where a stray piece of glitter lingered.

Feeling Magnus shiver, Alec looked up, meeting his eyes and swallowing dryly. “Glitter,” he whispered, eyes dropping to Magnus’ lips again. God, he wanted to kiss him. It would be so easy, they were standing so close. Just a quick ducking of his head and –

“Ironic,” Magnus grinned, pulling back.

Alec shook his head, breath rushing in, making him dizzy as Magnus stepped away.

“Ice cream,” Magnus said, tugging on Alec’s hand.

“Right,” Alec said. He was starting to worry for his health, heart skipping around his chest as he allowed himself to be pulled along behind Magnus.

***

Magnus woke up slowly, late afternoon light slipping in around the edges of the ugly, lemon yellow curtains. Sighing, oddly content, he burrowed into the pillows, letting the lingering feeling of sleepiness overwhelm him for a last few minutes.

He was in that place between asleep and awake where dreams and reality mingle, when he suddenly became away of the fact that he wasn’t alone in bed.

Magnus’ heart picked up speed, his body flooding with adrenaline so he was wide awake all at once. That isn’t a pillow under my head, he thought, keeping his eyes closed and trying to breathe evenly.

Thinking back, Magnus couldn’t remember what lead to this arrangement, Magnus’ head on Alec’s chest, Alec’s arm wrapped loosely around him. They’d finally found ice cream and settled in for another movie and then…they must’ve fallen asleep somewhere between talking and watching cooking shows.

Magnus also couldn’t remember the last time he’d slept so well, even now he just wanted to curl closer to Alec’s warmth and sleep the day away.

Magnus was still laying there, eyes closed, marveling at the reality of this new thing between them (and half terrified of it) when Alec woke up. He didn’t say anything but Magnus recognized the change in his breathing just before Alec’s hand came up, fingers running lightly through Magnus’ hair.

Magnus looked up slowly, smiling at the sleepy expression on Alec’s face.

“Hey,” Alec whispered, voice slightly hoarse as he looked down at Magnus.

“Hey.”

***

The rest of the weekend passed entirely too fast for Alec. He took Magnus around town, they spent too much time watching crappy TV in Magnus’ hotel room and it seemed to Alec that the whole time a countdown was hanging over their heads, reminding them that this was a brief interlude from real life where they’d both be too busy to see each other again for…weeks.

This is good though, Alec told himself, lying in bed early in the morning the day Magnus was flying back. This was what he’d needed, what they’d both needed, proof this was real, that it could work. So what if it took them awhile to get it right, to have time to get it perfect, this…was worth waiting two years for.

Alec glanced at the clock, it was still dark outside when he had to wake Magnus. All three nights they’d slept in the same bed – the night before they hadn’t even pretended it wasn’t going to happen. They could take it as slow as needed, they didn’t have to kiss even though the urge to kiss him was beginning to drive Alec mad, but after falling asleep together that first night — Alec wasn’t strong enough to deny the urge to do it again. He had no idea how he’d get to sleep that night, with Magnus thousands of miles away once again.

Alec rolled closer to Magnus, lightly shaking his shoulder.

Magnus groaned, rolling away.

Chuckling softly, Alec scooted closer again. “Wakey, wakey, sleepyhead,” he whispered, shaking Magnus’ shoulder. His heart hurt, aching because he never thought he’d get to wake up next to Magnus again and… and what came next?

Groaning, Magnus rolled over onto his back, glaring up at Alec. “I hate you,” he said, squeezing his eyes shut again.

Alec laughed, quickly forgetting his worries. “Hey, I’m not the one who booked a flight at six in the morning.”

Magnus groaned again. Then opened his eyes, smirking. “Yeah well, it was that or leaving last night, I took the lesser of two evils.”

Feeling cocky in the early hours of the morning and running on too little sleep, Alec leaned closer, running the fingers of one hand up and down Magnus’ arm. “Why is that the lesser of two evils?”

Magnus snorted, rolling his eyes.

“Because,” he said, voice low and sexy, making Alec freeze. Magnus reached up, slipping a hand behind Alec’s neck and pulling him down close. “I knew I’d want the extra hours with you,” he finished, darting up to kiss Alec’s cheek before quickly climbing out of bed, leaving Alec reaching for him.

“Rude,” Alec called as Magnus slipped across the room, into the bathroom.

“That’s what you get for waking me up early,” Magnus laughed.

Alec fell back in bed, closing his eyes. He’d been awake for just over an hour already, he’d tried to get back to sleep but knowing he didn’t have much more time with Magnus near had pushed back all his exhaustion.

What was this? he wondered again. It was easy and amazing and he hated the part of him that was waiting for the other shoe to drop.

“Cute selfie session time,” Magnus sing-songed, bouncing back into bed a few minutes later, far happier than anyone up before five a.m. should be.

Alec groaned, pulling a pillow over his head. “Cute what now?” he mumbled.

Magnus reached out, pulling the pillow away from Alec and tossing it to the end of the bed. “Selfies,” Magnus repeated, reaching for his phone. “To make Hodge and Cat happy.”

Alec sighed, right. Fake relationship. That was now real…kind of? Alec looked over at Magnus, definitely real, he told himself as Magnus grinned down at him. But just for them.

Reaching out, Alec caught Magnus’ hand, pulling so he fell against Alec’s side. “How cute are we talking?” he asked, aware of the fact that everything he was feeling for Magnus right then, making his heart race and palms sweat, was clear as day in his eyes.

Magnus swallowed, eyes shining with a mix of awe and glee. “Disgustingly so.”

The next ten minutes passed, Magnus taking a million ridiculous pictures — some of which Alec insisted be taken on his phone, so he could post them, he said but also so he had a reminder that this weekend had been real.

Magnus was meticulous with the pictures, ordering Alec to smile wider or “make your eyes smolder”. Over half of the time, Alec ended up laughing in the picture.

“You’re not taking this seriously,” Magnus sighed, covering his face with his hands as Alec took over taking pictures.

“You’re being ridiculous,” Alec shot back, leaning in to press a kiss to Magnus’ forehead, just because he could. It was so easy, slipping back into being comfortable with each other. The whole weekend had been so surreal it was almost like a different life, a different world.

Alec didn’t know what he was doing as he kissed Magnus again, this time on his nose, then each cheek, trailing his lips down, eyes closed. Magnus said nothing but his hand came up, resting on Alec’s shoulder, holding him close and Alec could feel Magnus’ pulse racing.

Everything else faded away as Alec pressed light kisses along Magnus’ jaw, sure his heart would explode any minute now.

“Alexander,” Magnus whispered, breathing his name out as Alec hovered above him, their lips less than an inch from touching.

Alec’s heart beat, beat, beat, aching for escape.

His eyes were closed but he opened them now, looking down at Magnus who stared right back, eyes wide and filled with things that made it even harder for Alec to breathe.

“Sorry,” he whispered.

Magnus shook his head, licking his lips. “Don’t be.”

Alec swallowed, forcing himself away, pressing one last kiss to Magnus’ cheek before laying back.

After taking a minute to breathe, Alec beckoned Magnus closer. “Now, come here,” he said, holding his arm out. “And look at the camera.”

Rolling his eyes, Magnus did as asked. Alec’s heartbeat filled his ears as Magnus rested against his chest. He took the picture before his hands could start shaking.

“Good,” Alec said, pausing to clear his throat. “Now, look at me…like you’re smitten,” he all but whispered.

Magnus turned to him slowly. Alec’s breath got lodged in the back of his throat. Magnus’ mouth was quirked up in ahalf-smilee, his eyes wide and filled with…a million different emotions.

“Alec,” Magnus whispered. Alec blinked, shaking his head, not sure how much time had passed. “Are you going to take the picture?”

Alec nodded. “Right,” he said, eyes locked with Magnus’ for a minute longer before turning to take the picture.

“That should be—”

“One last one,” Magnus said, cutting Alec off. Alec froze as Magnus climbed on top of him suddenly, grinning widely as he looked down on Alec. “Smile,” he ordered. Alec shook his head but smiled nonetheless, sure the giddy expression was back on his face as he looked up at Magnus.

“Perfect,” Magnus said. Flash was on Magnus’ phone, nearly blinding Alec.

Magnus didn’t move right away, straddling Alec. Eventually he looked up from his phone, meeting Alec’s gaze. Alec saw the hesitation in his eyes just for a moment before Magnus moved off him, leaning close as he settled on his side next to Alec.

“Sorry we spent over half the time in bed this weekend,” he whispered, eyes dropping to Alec’s lips as Alec turned to face him.

Alec licked his lips on reflex, shrugging. He was finding it hard to breathe again, the sound of his heartbeat echoing around the room. “Jet lag, I understand.”

Magnus just nodded. He was so close and warm. Alec clenched his hands to resist the urge to pull Magnus closer.

Magnus reached out, taking one of Alec’s hands and bringing it to his mouth. A shiver went down Alec’s back as Magnus pressed a light kiss to the back of his hand.

“The maids probably think we were in here having wild sex all weekend,” Alec said, the first thing to pop into his head as the tension in the room grew thicker.

Magnus chuckled, closing his eyes, still holding Alec’s hand. “How disappointed they’d be to know the sexiest thing we did was watch cooking shows while drinking expensive wine,” he said.

“There wasn’t even any romantic serenading,” Alec said, sighing dramatically to distract himself from the urge to kiss Magnus. He didn’t want to mess this up, not this time. Not any little bit. Not the big things. Not the things as small as kissing again. And it didn’t quite feel real yet…that’s why they needed to take their time. “You owe me a song,” he added.

Magnus chuckled. He took a deep breath like he too was reining himself in. “Next time,” he promised.

“I’m holding you to that,” Alec said, breathing out deeply.

Alec thought it was probably ridiculous, after all the time they’d spent together, everything they used to be; how often they still just stopped, staring at each other but he wouldn’t be the first to look away — he couldn’t even if he wanted to. Magnus had put on light makeup before taking the pictures but he was still in his pajamas, hair a fluffy mess Alec wanted to run his hands through.

“We should go,” Alec finally said even though it was the last thing he wanted to say. He was already tired of those words, already tired of leaving and being left.

“We should.”

***

They were nearly late by the time they finally got out of bed but Magnus didn’t care, lingering just inside the airport. There were dark circles under Alec’s eyes, telling Magnus that he hadn’t slept much the night before. Magnus hadn’t slept so good in months, feeling nice and refreshed for his…long plane ride.

He didn’t want to leave, he thought. It should’ve been obvious but he’d been pushing the feelings down all weekend, not wanting his dread of having to leave to ruin the few days they had. It didn’t matter, either way it was there, urging him to say screw it and stay, just another day. But Magnus had meetings he was barely going to make, things he’d put off to have the last two days.

At least you know it’s real now, he told himself, staring up at Alec, sure everything he was feeling was on clear display.

“I have to go,” he finally said, more to convince himself than anything.

Alec’s Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed. “Right.”

“Probably won’t see each other for at least a few weeks,” Magnus continued, just to drag out the moment. “New single’s coming out Friday. I’m going to be swapped with interviews and performances. Have to finish the music video.”

Alec swallowed again, nodding. The airport was loud around them, busy even so early in the morning. They stood close, a few inches between their bodies. “Right and we’re heading into the last stretch for filming the season,” he said. “Lots of intense work.”

“Right,” Magnus repeated, nodding.

He looked over his shoulder, checking how much time he had when it suddenly occurred to him how stupid they were being, pulling back every time they’d come close to kissing this weekend when they both knew the other wanted to. It was just a _kiss_. And they wouldn’t see each other for at least another two weeks. They’d slept in bed together every night, they’d kissed after their last big fight but now, _now_ they were holding back?

“We’re ridiculous,” Magnus muttered. “And stupid.”

“What?”

Reaching out, Magnus slipped a hand behind Alec’s head, the other tugging on his jacket, urging him closer. He was sick of waiting — he was _done_ waiting.

***

They snapped together like a pair of magnets before Alec even knew what was happening. One hand was in Magnus’ hair, the other resting on his hip, holding him close. Their mouths fit together perfectly, and the kiss was the fast and rushed kind that came with having denied it all weekend.

Alec’s mind emptied as soon as their lips touched until all that was left was the thought of _finally_ and this is right, this is the only thing that’s ever been right, that’s ever fit. The two of them, together.

Alec was only remotely aware of the fact that they were in the middle of an airport, as Magnus pushed close, slowing the kiss until their lips were just barely, slowly brushing. Alec’s heartbeat slowed down to match the pace of the kiss, hand gripping Magnus’ hip tightly. He didn’t want to let go. Ever.

Magnus pulled back after a few minutes, pressing a final soft kiss to Alec’s lips. Alec could feel Magnus’ breath, warm on his skin as Magnus pulled back but he kept his eyes closed.

A million thoughts and memories ran through Alec’s mind, all the way from their very first kiss to this moment. It was so much, rushing over him, threatening to overwhelm him.

Realizing that it would be weeks until they saw each other again, until he could touch Magnus, kiss Magnus, Alec lunged forward, pulling Magnus back into another kiss.

Their lips fit perfectly, brushing together desperately. Alec hadn’t kissed many people, and most were just acting, but nothing had ever compared to kissing Magnus. To the electricity between them, sure to send sparks through the air. To the way his heart raced, feeling set to burst and yet he’d never been so calm and content at the same time.

Magnus melted into him and Alec knew he should pull back, Magnus had to go but he hated it, following Magnus’ lips when he pulled back.

Magnus chuckled softly. “To think,” he whispered sounding winded. “We could’ve been doing that all weekend.”

Alec shook his head, grinning with his eyes still closed.

He dropped his hands when Magnus stepped away. “Call me,” he said, voice low and raw.

He heard Magnus clear his throat. “As soon as I land.”

Alec’s eyes were still closed when Magnus kissed him again, the lightest brush of lips on his before he disappeared. “Goodbye, Alexander.”

Alec kept his eyes closed instead of watching him walk away.

***

Magnus had done a lot of hard things in his life, but leaving Alec in the airport ranked pretty high. Finally settled on the plane later though, he couldn’t be that sad because it wasn’t goodbye forever or for long, just for now.

Settling in, Magnus snapped a quick selfie of himself frowning, before sending it to Alec.

***

Alec was back in his room, trying not to think about Magnus because he had a million things to do, when his phone buzzed.

 **Glittery Bane of My Existence:** You ruined my perfectly styled hair.

Alec chuckled at the picture, complete with Magnus’ best puppy dog eyes. He quickly replied, flopping down on the couch.

 **Light(wood) of my life:** Sorry not sorry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And thus concludes the monster chapter.
> 
> So...that all happened. Fluff! What even is that? Next, things get a little tricky. ;)
> 
> I don't know if you noticed but I updated my chapters, there will officially be 31! Which means, first of all, hopefully, we can all cope with the hiatus together and secondly there's still a bit of a rollercoaster to get through! I promise to make it as painless as possible!  
> Next chapter in probably two weeks, I need to catch up on things but I'll post as soon as possible! Also, you can yell at me and see updates/snippets on [Tumblr @imawriteriwrite](http://imawriteriwrite.tumblr.com/)!
> 
> This is long but I just wanted to say thank you again for everyone who reads this and comments and sends me nice messages, you're the best and I love you! <3<3<3


	19. Something More

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, it's been...awhile. A long while. Thank you for your patience, I hope you like this chapter!
> 
> Shout out to the best beta's who don't mind correcting my terrible grammar! Love you guys! <3
> 
> Chapter title inspired by Something More by Adelitas Way

Alec rolled over again, trying to get comfortable. The bed was too big and empty; too cold without another body next to him. Which was stupid, Alec told himself, rolling onto his side and groaning. He’d gone two years sleeping alone, and years before he met Magnus too. Three nights in the same bed shouldn’t change anything.

Alec screwed his eyes shut tight, sighing. His mind was turning a million miles a minute, flitting from one thought to another, making sleep impossible.

Really, at this point, it was useless to even try to pretend he could still manage to sleep. It was early morning already and he had to be on set in just a few hours to film a scene with Jace — who still wasn’t speaking to him and would no doubt be a pleasure to work with, until the cameras turned off.

He should’ve been sleeping for hours now, but was he? No. He was lying in bed, mind thousands of miles away.

***

It was the middle of the night and Magnus was wide awake. Used to insomnia, Magnus had given up trying to sleep hours ago and was currently in the soundproofed music room, watching Netflix on his laptop. The reason for doing this was simple: if he watched Netflix in the living room, he risked Raphael seeing him on his way to the kitchen which would end in a long, drawn out speech about how Magnus needed to sleep and watching Netflix wouldn’t help that and why was he wasting his time on this garbage anyway? Whereas the moment the door to the music room was closed, no one was allowed to disturb him.

It’d been a long day. Right after getting off the plane, he’d had to start an endless string of meetings before having dinner with high up record company execs. All grueling work that Magnus hated, so he should’ve fallen asleep the second his head hit the pillow. Instead, his mind had immediately turned to a hard, toned body pressed close to him, sharing warmth. A steady heartbeat under his ear and strong arms wrapped around him.

Hence, Netflix.

He needed to get himself under control. It was all too easy to forget that just weeks ago they were fighting all the time. Just weeks ago, Magnus couldn’t bear to see Alec because it hurt too much. And he was glad they were working past that, wanted nothing else, but it was too easy to forget all the bad things, lying in bed, yearning to be closer to Alec.

Magnus shook his head, focusing back in on his laptop.

He was in the middle of a bowl of ice cream and an episode of “Project Runway” when his mind wandered again, playing back the weekend in slow motion. It felt like a dream, like a brief vacation from reality. It didn’t seem real, now that he was back to real life it seemed… Impossible.

Thinking about it too much made Magnus’ chest tight with panic, a faint buzzing starting at the base of his skull. Because, this couldn’t be real, could it? After everything that had happened it couldn’t be so simple. They were playing pretend. Hoping, praying this could work when there was too much shit there, too many bad things between them… Wasn’t there?

The truth of the matter was that this was all still so complicated and confusing. It was easy to ignore during the day but in the middle of the night it all stacked up, making it hard for him to see a way through it all.

Magnus jumped, nearly upending his laptop and sending Chairman Meow bolting to the other end of the room when his phone suddenly buzzed next to him.

Reaching for it, the panic dissipated all at once when he saw Alec’s name flash across the screen.

 **Light(wood) of my life:** You up?

Rather than answering the text, Magnus closed his laptop and hit dial.

***

“I was thinking,” Alec said as soon as he answered the phone, sitting up in bed and leaning back against the headboard. His blanket fell away, leaving his chest naked but he hardly noticed the chill of the room anymore, a terrifying peacefulness encompassing him the moment he saw Magnus’ name on his phone.

“That’s never a good thing,” Magnus deadpanned.

“Ha. Ha.” Alec rolled his eyes.

“Sorry, sorry,” Magnus said. Alec could hear him getting comfortable on the other end of the phone and bit back the urge to ask him if he couldn’t sleep either. Even if he couldn’t, it wasn’t because Alec wasn’t there, he told himself. Magnus always had insomnia. His brain worked too fast for him to sleep and inspiration struck at the most random of times. “Please continue.”

Alec snorted, ignoring the way his heart skipped around happily. “As I was saying, I was thinking I should get a cat.”

Magnus burst out laughing on the other end of the line.

“What?” Alec asked, slightly offended. “What’s funny about that?”

“Nothing,” Magnus said but it was clear he was still seconds away from laughing. “I just didn’t think you were a cat person.”

Alec scoffed, picturing Magnus trying to hold back laughter, the way his eyes would sparkle with it. “Are you kidding? Your cat loves me more than you and I love him back.”

Magnus snorted. “Chairman can’t stand you. Who could blame the poor fellow?”

Alec rolled his eyes, holding back a laugh. “Who could blame him for loving me you mean?”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” Magnus said, clearly dismissing Alec’s words which Alec took as him surrendering, grinning wildly. “You can’t have my cat but I have a great idea, you should get your own.”

“Wow. What a great idea,” Alec said, laughing.

Magnus talked over him. “You’re right, I’m a genius. A cat is just what you need in your life.”

Alec shook his head, settling back in bed, a wide grin across his face. All the swirling, loud thoughts calmed as he listened to Magnus go on and on about cats.

***

Magnus strode around the music room, fingers dancing over the piano keys as he passed, listening to Alec talk about his day on set. Turning when he reached the door, he headed back the other way, carefully placing one foot in front of the other. He was too wound up, too many emotions swirling through his mind to allow him to stay still.

This — the talking, the…being together; they were together, weren’t they? — all of it with the underlying tension in the air, was achingly familiar yet terrifyingly new at the same time. Everything he felt he’d felt before, years ago, back when it was all new, when he’d never felt this way about anyone before despite thinking he was in love with Camille. And now… Now, it was like he’d never felt this before while at the same time he could remember it all crystal clear.

Magnus swallowed dryly as Alec trailed off.

“Magnus?” Alec asked, voice heartbreakingly soft. “You okay?”

Magnus opened his mouth to say yes, of course, before closing it again. He sat down on the edge of the piano, feet dangling. He could hear Alec breathing on the other end of the phone as he gathered his thoughts. His mind was so full, with endless checklists of things he had to get together, places he had to be, things he should be doing, preparing for the single to come out. Yet thoughts of Alec still managed to drown all that out. What if that was the problem? What if this was just…too much. Too fast. Too intense.

Magnus swallowed, shaking his head.

“Do you really think this is going to work?” he finally asked, his heart beating entirely too loud in the small room. He was a chart-topping pop artist, he’d been in love over and over again, had his heart broken every time and it only made him stronger. He was living his dream. Yet Alexander Lightwood could still make him feel like a lovesick teenager who had no idea what he was doing and was terrified to have his heart ripped out of his chest.

“I…don’t know,” Alec answered hesitantly. Magnus’ chest grew tight again as he bit his lip, closing his eyes tightly in the dimly lit room. “But…I really want it to.”

Magnus’ heart tripped, skipping around his chest. Breathe, he reminded himself, keeping his eyes closed a moment longer before opening them on an exhale.

It was both reassuring and fear inducing, that answer. Because they didn’t know if it would work, either of them, there was no way to know. But… But wanting it to, that was a good place to start, wasn’t it? It was okay not to know as long as they were willing to try.

“Me too,” Magnus whispered, just loud enough for Alec to hear on the other side of the country. He’d wanted a different answer but this was the real one. This was real. Real wasn’t as easy all the time as that weekend had been but…but that was normal. That was good.

“Yeah?” Alec asked after a tense moment where it felt like the whole world paused.

“Yeah,” Magnus said, smiling slightly. “So, we try, just like we said. Even if it takes a while.”

“I hear relationships take effort,” Alec said.

Magnus laughed, shaking his head as his heart skipped. “I’m all for effort.”

***

Alec managed to sleep for all of two hours after hanging up with Magnus. The rest of the day was a blur as he filmed, hanging out with Lydia between scenes. The atmosphere on set was changing — and not because Jace nearly ended up in a fistfight with Meliorn halfway through the day — slowly, but steadily. Everyone was more serious than ever, there was a tension in the air as they counted down episodes, nearing the end.

Everything had been such a rush the last few months, Alec felt like they’d barely started filming, it was all flying past him. He’d failed to see how much he’d been enjoying this. Working on the show. Getting to know the rest of the cast and crew. The end was stretched out before him now and he didn’t know how to feel about that.

Filming would end and the countless interviews and endless promotion would officially kick up to a new level — he wasn’t complaining but that had never been Alec’s favorite part. It felt so…fake, saying the same thing over and over to every question asked of him. Besides, despite being an actor for a living, Alec hated being the center of attention.

The thing he was trying very hard not to think about was the premiere, it was still a couple months off but it was hard not to worry over it. He wanted it to do good, he wanted to _be_ good. It made him panic to think of it so he tried not to as much as possible.

By the time Alec got back to his room that night, he was dead on his feet, barely sparing the time to text Magnus that he would call him the next day before his head hit the pillow and he passed out.

Alec slept past his alarm the next morning, waking up in a rush only when someone started pounding on his door. He hopped in the shower before booking it to set. Between takes, he texted Magnus again, apologizing but promising to call later. They ended up filming all night, Lydia having to restrain Alec when Jace mouthed off after messing up a scene half a dozen times.

When he got back to his room, he was desperate to talk to Magnus, hitting speed dial as soon as the door shut behind him.

“You’ve reached Magnus Bane, pop star extraordinaire. Leave a message if you wish but I never check this thing.”

Alec sighed, letting the phone fall away as he stretched out on his bed, lazily kicking off his shoes. He was fast asleep by the time his phone buzzed with Magnus’ call.

By Wednesday night, Alec was beginning to go crazy. They’d had to move up the shooting schedule slightly and he was exhausted, running on little sleep and far too much coffee. Worst of all, he and Magnus had been playing phone tag. A few short texts here and there all they managed, besides a few amusing messages left on Alec’s voicemail.

He knew he was being stupid, selfish, and slightly childish, but Alec just wanted a little time to work on this, to make sure it was real and solid before being tested like this. He had this sick feeling in his gut that told him this was part of what was wrong last time, being hundreds of miles away from each other. Missing each other constantly. How were they supposed to rebuild a relationship like this?

But Alec had responsibilities and he knew Magnus did too, so…they’d just have to make it work.

He only felt mildly pathetic that night when he reached nothing but Magnus’ voicemail again.

“I miss you. I feel like…like maybe I shouldn’t say that, but I do,” Alec said before hanging up and flopping back in bed again.

***

Magnus crawled into bed late that night. He’d been busy all day with another photo shoot followed by rehearsal where Raphael and Isabelle spent half the time arguing and the other half messing up. Eventually, Magnus had sent them away, telling them to get it together before the next day’s rehearsals. Luckily, Luke was in town, keeping him organized or Magnus would’ve completely lost his mind already.

Pulling his phone out, Magnus flipped through his missed messages, finding a voicemail from Alec. He grinned, pulling it up only for his lungs to be squeezed tight, cutting off his airflow as he listened.

Swallowing dryly, Magnus flopped back in bed, eyes closed tightly. He shouldn’t miss Alec so much, it’d only been a few days but it felt like so much longer. Knowing Alec felt the same didn’t really help, just making it harder to ignore.

There was this aching in his gut that wanted everything else to go away so they could just focus on this; on seeing if it would work; seeing if it would feel the same way it used to or even better. He just wanted time, to test this out, to make sure it would be different this time.

Magnus considered calling but he knew Alec had been shooting late and had probably only just fallen asleep so he settled for sending a text instead. Before turning over and burrowing beneath his comforter, hoping sleep would find him easily for once.

***

 **Glittery Bane of my Existence:** I miss you too.

 **Glittery Bane of my Existence:** You’re a sap

Alec chuckled, shaking his head as he climbed out of bed the next morning, stumbling his way still half-asleep to the bathroom. Maybe they were being stupid, maybe he should be more careful not to slip back in love, not to move too fast… But if they had to be thousands of miles apart, the least they could do was be honest. Even if Alec shouldn’t miss Magnus so much, even if it shouldn’t bother him so much that they couldn’t even find time to talk the last three days, it was the truth.

***

The whole week was a blur, days running together as Magnus barely had a moment to stop and think. Any free time was spent working on the new song he was writing for that movie, inspiration striking at the worse time. Between rehearsals and meetings, Magnus barely had a moment to stop and breathe — Raphael and Cat, who was in town for the release of the single, had to constantly force food into his hands so he wouldn’t forget to eat.

It was now Thursday; the single would drop first thing in the morning where Magnus would perform it for the first time on Good Morning America.

Magnus was currently in the dance studio in his apartment, rehearsing alone at nine p.m. as the nerves started getting to him. Despite his surety that he was amazing, despite the fact that he was a bestselling pop icon, the nerves inevitably hit before a new release. This album was different, more personal than even the last. Magnus hadn’t intended for it to be but once the words started flowing, everything from the last two years — some of the most painful times of his life — had come rushing out. There was something shockingly vulnerable about turning those feelings into songs and sending them out into the world for everyone who wanted to hear and judge.

With the third album, _MAGIC_ , Magnus had been working on auto-pilot, doing something practically unheard of with changing everything at the last moment. That album had been painful, he’d ripped open his veins and written it with his blood. Everything about his relationship with Alec was on that album and part of Magnus hated it with a vicious fury. But it was also the only thing that got him through that time.

And this…was everything else. And it probably sucked. This was the absolute worst song to be the first single, what was he thinking?

Magnus groaned in frustration as he missed another note. Grabbing the remote, he turned off the music, flopping to the ground where he stood. The wooden floor was cool against his heated skin. The lights were off in the studio but he could still see his reflection staring back from the wall of mirrors.

Closing his eyes, he breathed in deeply, forcing his rapidly beating heart to slow down. Once morning came, he’d be fine. He always was. He’d be hyped on adrenaline, dying to play the song. He’d be sure he was the most amazing person to walk the earth (which he was) and everything would be dandy. Getting through the night without being completely sleep deprived in the morning though, that was the hard part.

With one last deep breath, Magnus jumped back to his feet. Grabbing his water bottle he took a sip, turning the lights on. Moving to the laptop in the corner, he queued the version of the single with his vocals, not just the music, settling in front of one of the mirrored walls to practice the dance. It was simple since he wouldn’t have much room on the Good Morning America stage, but somehow, he kept messing it up anyway, his movements completely off from the music.

Taking a deep breath, Magnus lost himself in his own music, humming along as he moved through the steps. He tripped halfway through.

“Fuck!” Magnus shouted, thoroughly done with himself. He knew he was just anxious for the single to drop but that didn’t stop him from driving himself crazy.

Magnus was about ready to hurl his laptop against the wall when his phone went off. Recognizing Alec’s ringtone, Magnus’ nerves immediately calmed, his raging temper at himself instantly cooled.

There was a smile on his face by the time he answered the phone. “Alexander,” Magnus said, the name falling from his mouth without his brain deciding to use it.

“Hey.” Alec’s voice was low and calming, tinged with exhaustion.

Magnus moved to the chair along the wall, tucking his feet under him.

“Hey,” he said, heart expanding in his chest. He didn’t realize until right then how much of his mood was brought on by the fact that he hadn’t had time to talk to Alec in days. The last weekend already felt so impossibly far away. Between everything else, Magnus had these moments where he’d suddenly realize that he wasn’t broken up with Alec anymore. He wasn’t half of a tragic, terrible breakup. He was—

“How are you doing?” Alec continued in his soft voice, interrupting Magnus’ thoughts.

“Hmm? Fine,” Magnus muttered unconvincingly, pulling at a loose thread at the end of his worn sweater that was two sizes too big on him.

“Magnus,” Alec said in a way that said: ‘come on, I know you’ and made Magnus’ heart skip.

“The single comes out tomorrow,” Magnus said, sighing and letting his eyes fall closed.

“I know. You’re nervous, aren’t you?”

“No,” Magnus said because he shouldn’t be. It was stupid. And he’d get over it but right now it was this weight pushing him down into the ground, his stomach a churning mess no amount of tea could calm.

“ _Magnus,_ ” Alec said in that way again.

“Yes,” Magnus admitted. “It’s stupid. I’ll get over it,” he continued, leaning back.

 “Hang up,” Alec said suddenly.

Magnus paused, eyes flying open. “Excuse me?”

“Hang up the phone,” Alec said sternly. Magnus could hear him moving around on the other end and frowned, offended.

“No.”

Alec sighed, loud enough to be heard clearly. “Magnus,” he said and this time Magnus could hear the smile in his voice. “Hang up so I can facetime you, please.”

Magnus frowned. “Well, since you asked so nicely,” he said, hanging up abruptly.

Less than a minute later, Magnus was staring at Alec. There wasn’t much light in his room, casting his face in shadows. Magnus could just make out his bare shoulders and the headboard behind him, reminding him that it was after midnight there. Luckily, Alec’s bright eyes and extremely messy hair distracted him from feeling bad.

Alec smiled softly and Magnus grinned back, nerves briefly forgotten. “Okay,” Alec said, settling in against the headboard. “Play it for me.”

“Pardon?” Magnus asked, eyes briefly caught on the bit of Alec’s bare chest he saw as Alec moved around, getting comfortable.

“The single,” Alec said, bringing the phone closer to his face. Magnus noted how tired he looked, dark circles under his eyes. “Play it for me.”

Magnus hesitated, glancing to the side where his guitar sat before turning back to Alec. “You should sleep,” he said.

Alec rolled his eyes. “If I wanted to sleep, I wouldn’t have called you. Come on, Magnus, I know you, you won’t sleep a wink tonight if you don’t get your nerves under control. So. Play. Me. The song.”

Magnus rolled his eyes, setting his phone so it sat upright on the table with his laptop. “So demanding,” he said, getting up to grab the guitar but really his heart felt set to burst out of his chest. Most the time Magnus had no idea what they were doing anymore but most the time he was also perfectly fine with whatever it was.

Magnus swallowed dryly, returning to the chair with the guitar.

He glanced at his phone where Alec had the serious look he always got on his face when listening to Magnus play, eyes locked on the phone screen to watch Magnus.

Clearing his throat, Magnus focused on the guitar, adjusting things even though it was perfectly tuned. Looking at the phone again, he opened his mouth to say something but no words came out. This was what terrified him, if he was honest. How good Alec was at making him feel like the most important person in the world. How easy it was for the world to shrink down until it was just the two of them.

“Stop thinking,” Alec all but whispered.

Shaking his head, Magnus forced a laugh. “Shut up so I can play.”

***

Thankfully, Alec had the morning off, not needed on set until late afternoon. He slept in as much as he could, waking when his alarm went off the first time to text Magnus good luck and the second to watch the show.

Alec crawled from his warm, comfortable bed just long enough to grab his laptop and headphones, settling back in to watch Magnus’ Good Morning America show. The ritual was familiar. Back when they were together, he never missed one unless he was in the middle of filming and even then he tried to catch it. If Alec was being honest, he did it even while they were broken up. _Especially_ the first few weeks where he tortured himself watching Magnus, and even months later, when he swore he was over it. If he saw that Magnus was going to be on a show or he passed a magazine that he was on the cover of, he was too weak to deny himself.

Alec shook his head, tuning in as Magnus came out on stage. Alec cursed the universe for the fact that he was two thousand miles away from Magnus who was dressed in sinfully tight jeans and a loose emerald shirt that showed off a nice amount of his bronze skin. Hair spiked up perfectly, cut shorter on the sides than it’d been over the weekend, one pink streak standing out amongst his dark locks.

Alec missed the beginning of the interview, not hearing the pleasantries as he studied Magnus, getting lost in the wide smile that split his face. Alec could see Magnus’ nerves melting off the second he sat down to do the interview, the smile reflected in his eyes as he got comfortable, completely in his element. The opposite of Alec when he was doing interviews.

“So the song is called “I know you feel what I feel”,” Magnus said, answering a question Alec missed being asked. Magnus paused for a moment, smirking at the oohs and ahhs from the interviewers’ and audience. “Yes, yes. I guess you could call it a love song, of sorts. But really it’s about more than that.”

Alec stretched out, resting the laptop on his stomach, watching Magnus grin and completely entrap the audience the same way he did anywhere he went. If Alec didn’t know for a fact Magnus had been a nervous wreck the night before, he never would’ve known, looking at him now.

The first time he’d found Magnus freaking out before an awards show, it’d shocked him. That Magnus Bane, world renowned pop star, always endlessly confident, could be terrified he’d tank… It wasn’t something Alec had ever thought he’d see back then. But that was before he really got to know Magnus and realized that just because someone was confident ninety-nine percent of the time, didn’t mean they didn’t panic and fall apart like everyone else that last one percent.

“Great. So Magnus will be playing this new song of his here, for the first time in just a short while, but for now, what can you tell us about the new album? It’s been a long time coming, right? For a while there were even rumors you wouldn’t release it this year.”

Alec’s eyes were locked on Magnus as he shifted on the couch, crossing his legs and running a careful hand through his hair. This was the first interview Magnus had done in a while, Alec knew, he’d been keeping the album so hush hush, it was his first time really talking about it.

Alec found himself leaning forward as if that would do anything. Even he was anxious to hear about the album. Sure, Magnus had talked to him about it some, even played bits and pieces of various songs. But he’d been very careful even with Alec. He understood. Right now, the music belonged to just Magnus, and Magnus alone. He got to decide what to do with it, who got to know about it. Alec knew Magnus was greedy and quiet at this stage, keeping it to himself before it went out in the world and he lost all control over it.

"I’m gonna be honest, this whole album… It was weighing on me. I went a year or more without writing a word. And then the dam burst and it all came out,” Magnus was saying, talking with his hands as always. “It was a little touch and go for a bit, I didn’t know if I would even have new music to release let alone if it would come out this year. But you know, then the stars aligned as it were.”

Alec swallowed as Magnus’ eyes darted briefly to the camera, seeming to be looking straight at him.

“Sounds like a lot of stars have been aligning for you recently,” the interviewer teased.

Magnus merely smirked, inclining his head.

“So what about the sound of this album? Can we expect it to be like your third album, _MAGIC_?”

A sharp pinprick of pain shot through Alec at the mention of Magnus’ third album combined with the way Magnus’ smile briefly faltered. It was a good album. Some of Magnus’ best. It’d won the countless awards that it deserved. It was just…hard to listen to when you knew you were the inspiration behind a lot of it. And not in a good way.

Magnus chewed his lip, thinking. Weighing his hands before him before speaking. "You know, every album is so different. It's a different experience, a different feeling. So, no, I wouldn't say it's much like anything I've done before. It's very much...close to my heart. It's everything I've been and seen and experienced the last however many years. I think, in a sense, it's more personal than anything else I've written."

Alec’s heart pounded loudly, threatening to drown out the interview. He and Magnus had been trying so hard to catch up on the last two years but suddenly Alec was terrified to hear the full album. Terrified it would reveal everything he’d missed, everything he’d lost.

"A lot of slow songs," Magnus said. “But I think there's a nice mix. You know I've always loved penning songs you can play at a club. We still have those. We still have love songs but I think some songs also go in a different direction than I’ve ever done before. I like them. I think — I hope — the fans will too.”

Alec tuned out again as the interview was wrapped up, eyes locked on Magnus as he waved to the crowd, moving backstage to get ready to sing as the show went to commercial.

***

Magnus was up before the sun, pumped and only slightly agitated. Too wound up for coffee, he gratefully accepted the tea Luke brought him. He’d spent the drive to the studio talking to Clary on the phone, letting her give him a pep talk while Raphael and Isabelle glared on the other side of the limo, on edge because they’d be performing without her. As they’d never agreed on a third dancer, the routine was being done without one.

Once he got to the studio where the show was filmed, Magnus had all but forgotten his nerves from the night before. This was what he did, what he was good at. Every part of being a musician was a performance and Magnus was the greatest performer in…well, his ego wanted him to say ever but at least in the last fifty years — not counting Beyoncé of course.

It helped that he received a text from a certain dark-haired actor as soon as he sat down at hair and makeup.

Sound check went smooth. The interview was perfect. And before Magnus knew it, he was playing the song for the first time in front of a live audience. He could still remember the first time he’d done this, way back when he was a little, innocent artist, barely daring to believe that this was all real. He’d nearly puked but what was important was that no one could tell he nearly puked. Until this day only three people knew that he’d run off stage as soon as the cameras cut off to actually puke and not even Raphael had spilled his guts to anyone. Luke, of course, had been the one to follow him into the bathroom and make sure he was okay, looking at him like he was insane when — after rinsing his mouth — Magnus started giggling. The third person was Alec, obviously. Magnus had told him when he got nervous for the premiere of his biggest movie to date.

Standing on the stage now, Magnus realized just how far he’d come from the poor boy dancing on the streets for spare change before Luke picked him up that fateful day.

Magnus hit every note on stage, sliding seamlessly through his dance moves. It was Magnus’ favorite kind of song. On the surface, it was a love song but if you really paid attention to the lyrics it was about so much more. It also sounded equally good played slow with nothing but an acoustic guitar, and like this, with the full band, fast and perfect for the quick choreography Raphael had come up with.

Magnus was beaming, out of breath, adrenaline pumping through his blood, heartbeat echoing wildly in his ears by the time the song was over.

He’d been stupid, he thought, this song was perfect. He’d known it the night before, playing for Alec, the way Alec had smiled softly through it all.

As he waved, leaving the stage, all Magnus could think was how badly he wanted to talk to Alec. The last week had been intense, an endless roller coaster. Every other minute something else was going on and Magnus was never sure of what this was between them. The weekend felt so far away. The possible future of them together and happy, a terrifying fairy tale. But all that mattered to Magnus just then was that, as he slipped into the dressing room, tugging out his phone; it was already ringing.

“I told you that you’d nail it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was a long time coming, hopefully the next won't be so long! We're heading into the final stretch and I really want to get to all the good stuff and the slight rollercoaster of an ending so hopefully I can keep on a more fast-paced schedule!
> 
> Make sure to follow me on [Tumblr @imawriteriwrite](http://imawriteriwrite.tumblr.com/) because that is where I post updates about when the next chapter is coming and other fics and snippets!!
> 
> Thank you for reading, let me know what you think! Comments and kudos are love and you are all the best! <3<3<3


	20. Sweet Dreams

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout out to my amazing betas! <3
> 
> Chapter title from Sweet Dreams by Beyoncé
> 
> Also, part of this chapter was inspired by [this tumblr post](http://cassianandor.tumblr.com/post/157359693568/godlessondheimite-i-would-date-an-actor-just-so-i)

If Magnus thought things were complicated before, when they were avoiding each other, when he was pretending the past hadn’t happened and he felt nothing for Alec, well, now it was even worse. He hadn’t thought it possible but their current situation was driving him insane. They didn’t have time to see each other, barely had time to talk every few days and between, when Magnus had time to sit and breathe and think, he couldn’t help but feel like this could never work. To think maybe they’d be better as just friends. Neither of them had time for a relationship and it was hard for this to feel real when they couldn’t even see each other.

Even their public “fake” relationship fell through the cracks as they were both impossibly busy. Cat nudged Magnus every once in a while, reminding him to post cute throwback Thursday pics or cryptic tweets but she seemed to see that there was more going on and held back.

There was, of course, the interviews Magnus was doing, appearing on late night shows and radio shows and in countless magazines, he couldn’t even keep them all straight. Thank god for Luke and his very organized soul. But during these interviews there were questions.

“Who's the song about?”

“We hear you’re seeing a certain dark-haired actor these days?”

“There were, of course, all those rumors, when your last album came out.”

“Anyone special inspire this song?”

And so on, over and over again. Luckily, Magnus was good at hiding his annoyance, able to answer all the questions with perfect poise and biting remarks with just the right amount of teasing.

Worse possibly than that was social media. Just like Hodge had wanted, things were blowing up more than ever after the release of Magnus’ song. Everyone was talking about his relationship, about Alec. The worst ones were the ones who came up with pictures of Magnus and Camille, insisting the song had to be about her.

Magnus shivered just thinking about it.

He was on his way to another interview and texted Alec a quick good luck as the first official trailer for his show would be released that day.

Leaning back in his seat, Magnus closed his eyes, attempting to get some rest before they arrived at the next place. He was exhausted but it was a good exhausted. This was what he lived for. He loved being so tired at the end of the day that he just wanted to go home and crawl into bed with a pizza and the Chairman, because he’d spent it working on what he loved. He didn’t even truly mind the endless interviews with the same three questions — who’s the song about? How’s the love life? Is the new album like _MAGIC?_ — He got to talk about music. He got to live his dream. Even now, trying to rest between one appearance and the next, he felt his blood rushing, heart singing.

It was just — well, he missed Alec. He wasn’t used to missing someone like this again. Of course part of him had always felt Alec’s absence and their breakup, it’d never really gone away. But now. Now he was allowed to miss him and it really sucked, missing someone and knowing you couldn’t go see them whenever you wanted to because you were both far too busy for that. God, Magnus had forgotten, when remembering their past and how in love he’d been, the missing. He’d forgotten that no matter how great of a relationship you had, when it was like this, part of it always sucked.

It wasn’t that Magnus didn’t understand, they both had busy lives, it’d always been that way. It was just…after everything, if they wanted this to work, they needed time to put in the effort and Magnus wanted to do that but how long could he continue to do this where they couldn’t move forward and were just stuck in place? It drove him crazy.

***

“Hey Magnus, it’s me. Good luck on the show tonight. Call me when you have time,” Alec said, leaving Magnus yet another message. Lowering the phone, he closed his eyes tightly. It’d been this way all week again, one message after another. Alec’s heart didn’t sink now, when Magnus didn’t answer, it was just…normal. He hated it but it was what it was.

“Alec! Five minutes,” his handler called out.

Alec sighed, putting the phone away and heading out.

“Can you believe it, Alexander, top of the charts? Number one? I mean of course you can believe it, I’m amazing. Cat and Ragnor are taking me out, call me when you’re free.”

Alec listened to the message at four in the morning, in the car back to his hotel. He was exhausted after a late night filming, still grinning from his castmates antics back on set. Settling back in his seat, he called Magnus.

The phone rang a few times. When it was finally picked up, Alec could barely hear Magnus’ shouted “Alexander, finally” from the very obvious club sounds coming from the background.

“Hey,” Alec said, sitting up straighter. “Where are you?” he asked, small smile curving up one side of his mouth.

“Who is that?” Alec heard Ragnor shouting in the background.

“No one,” Magnus replied, voice now farther away. “Mind your own business.”

Alec swallowed dryly, hating the pang of hurt he felt. He had no reason to feel hurt, of course Magnus couldn’t say who he was talking to. They’d agreed to keep it quiet for now.

He could hear Magnus moving away a bit, the dance music in the background ebbing and flowing. He rested his head against the window, waiting.

“Okay, sorry,” Magnus said, sounding out of breath. “I have no idea why Ragnor and Cat would choose this place, they hate clubs almost as much as my bodyguards hate them.”

Alec snorted because he knew that was what he was supposed to do. He stupidly wished Magnus wasn’t out celebrating, was just sitting at home where they could talk for hours. He knew it was a stupid thought, a stupid reaction as a pang of jealousy went through him. But he wanted to be the one taking Magnus out to celebrate his single debuting as number one.

“Congrats,” Alec said in a soft voice, pushing away the shameful jealously. He _was_ happy for Magnus, he needed to focus on that, not these idiotic feelings. He knew Magnus had been worrying about the song, it debuting as number one would ease his worries. And the song was amazing, one of Alec’s favorites.

“Thank you, Alexander,” Magnus said. Alec could hear the grin in his voice, making his heart race.

He wanted to stay on the phone all night. Talk about a million pointless things. But he needed to sleep and he didn’t want to keep Magnus from his celebration so he only allowed himself a few more minutes before insisting Magnus get back to his friends.

***

“Hey, I’ll be filming all night but I’ll text you later.” Magnus woke up to the short voicemail on his phone the next morning, head stuffy, room spinning from drinking a little too much the night before.

Groaning, Magnus rolled over in bed, burying his head. He was nearly asleep again when Luke knocked on his door. “You have to be out of here in twenty minutes!”

Magnus groaned again.

“Yeah. Yeah. Get ready, Mags,” Luke said, moving in and yanking Magnus’ blanket away from him.

Looking up, Magnus glared, sticking his tongue out.

“Act like an adult, Magnus,” Luke said, rolling his eyes.

Magnus huffed but rolled out of bed.

“Alexander,” Magnus said a few days later, leaning against his door frame after getting in from a long day. Magnus spent a moment searching for words but couldn’t come up with any. “Call me,” he finally said.

Hanging up, Magnus leaned his head back against the wall and sighed.

***

Alec woke up in the middle of the day, sleeping in on his one day off from filming. He only had an hour before he had to be in the gym. As always, his hand reached for his phone before he was fully awake.

Blinking sleepily, every inch of his body exhausted after the long hours he’d been putting in, he pulled up his texts. Smirking at the pictures of the Chairman Magnus had sent at some point.

Alec frowned as an email from Hodge came in, pulling it up. His eyes roamed over it, reading quickly and he froze, smile spreading across his face. He checked the dates, mentally going over his schedule but Hodge knew what he was doing. There would be just enough time. It would kill Alec a bit, the jet lag, he’d barely sleep but it wasn’t even a decision. Not because Hodge decreed it. And not because the tickets were already bought. Because he’d get to see Magnus. If only for a few hours.

Worth it.

***

“You have the rest of today and tomorrow off,” Luke was saying in the back of the car on the way home from another photo shoot.

Magnus nodded next to him, head back on the seat, half asleep. Between rehearsals, meetings, interviews, and his persistent insomnia every night, Magnus had barely been managing a few hours of sleep. He fully intended on using the twenty-four hours he had free for sleeping. And talking to Alec if they could manage.

“You have dinner tomorrow with Tessa. The next day is a meeting with the director of your music video. Rehearsals Saturday night. And Sunday…” Luke trailed off. Magnus, nearly lulled to sleep by his deep voice, could hear him rummaging around, likely looking for his phone to scroll through his nice, color coded schedule.

“The awards show,” Magnus mumbled, shifting in his seat. “Tessa and I are up for her song, song of the year. And then the song I did for that movie, the love story one. It’s up for song from a major motion picture or something. Do you think I do too many soundtrack songs?” he asked, mind running off in a new direction.

Magnus tried not to get wrapped up in awards, sure he _loved_ getting them and he’d agonize over it when the album came out – was it good enough to win him album of the year again? – but for now, it was just another thing. Of course he’d love to win but if he didn’t he wouldn’t be too disappointed. They were up against some amazing songs and artists. He was more concerned with performing, and performing with only two dancers at that.

Luke snapped his fingers. “Exactly. And no. It’s good money. Good exposure.”

Magnus yawned, stretching slowly. He opened his eyes just long enough to glance out the window, still a few minutes from home. “So I should do more soundtrack songs?”

“Sure,” Luke said, clearly distracted as he scrolled through his phone in full on manager mode. “Cat sent something about that — not the soundtracks, the show,” he mumbled. “Next week should be calmer.”

“The calm before the storm you mean,” Magnus smirked. While he wasn’t the best at keeping his own schedule, he did know the filming of his video would be soon, rehearsals would only become more frequent — he’d been slipping just a little in the last few months. The album’s release would come all too soon with more public appearances and single releases between. Then it would be planning a tour and really, Magnus should enjoy the next twenty-fours. He wouldn't get many breaks over the next few months.

“Ah, here it is,” Luke said. Magnus opened his eyes, looking over Luke’s shoulder as he pulled up a message. “Cat says you’ll have a date.”

Magnus frowned. “Who?” he asked.

Tessa? he wondered. It would make sense, they were up for song of the year together as co-writers. Then he froze, sitting up straighter and turning to Luke, heart pounding.

“Alec.”

***

“Why are you doing this? Who cares about this whole fake dating thing anymore? You’re just gonna end up hurt, everyone knows you’re still in love with Magnus.”

Alec froze, going tense, hands clenching. He closed his eyes, breathing in and out deeply. “First,” he said, once he’d calmed. “It’s none of your business. Second, I’m going because I have to.”

Jace snorted on the couch behind Alec. Grabbing a pair of socks from the dresser, Alec reminded himself that he couldn’t kill Jace. It would be bad for both of their careers.

“Whatever, it’s your funeral.”

Alec loved his brother but when Jace was in this kind of mood he was intolerable. He should be teasing Alec, or trying to protect him. That was normal Jace. This was jackass Jace. No one liked jackass Jace, not even Jace himself.

He’d been hoping to avoid his brother, at least until after he got back from this spur of the moment trip. Jace was getting worse by the day. Pretty much everyone on set hated him now but Alec didn’t know how to fix it. It was driving him insane. The cast and crew thought this was Jace showing his true colors, proving to be the fuck boy most magazines made him out to be. Even Lydia was having trouble not going off on him. But Jace didn’t want to talk, he just wanted to be an ass. And Alec was a little busy with late night shooting and juggling this thing with Magnus and fuck, for once he just wanted Jace to figure his shit out himself.

Alec froze, immediately feeling guilty for the thought. Shoving the socks along with an extra shirt and sweats into his bag, he turned to Jace, whose face was pinched up, dark circles under his eyes, hair a lifeless mess.

“Have you been sleeping?” Alec asked, grabbing his phone charger.

Jace shrugged, looking for all the world like a petulant child.

Sighing, Alec slipped the charger and the last few little things he might need into his bag. He’d only be in L.A. for a few hours. Hodge was going to have a suit waiting for him there. All he cared was that he’d get to see Magnus, being there with Magnus when he and Tessa won song of the year. There were so many times before, when Alec couldn’t be there for Magnus, but he be would this time. Even if it was only for a few hours.

“Do you want to talk?” Alec finally asked, flopping down on the chair opposite of Jace.

Jace glanced up from his phone, raising an eyebrow. “About what?”

“I don’t know, anything?” Alec did his best not to get annoyed. This was just what Jace did, he didn’t know how to handle emotions so he became a dick. Alec was used to it by now.

“Not really, no.”

Alec rolled his eyes. “Fine,” he said, standing and heading to the bathroom. “Let me know when you decide to stop being a dick and act like my brother again.”

***

It’d been easy to concentrate the last few days; Magnus had kept his thoughts firmly on the album and his responsibilities, far away from thoughts of the awards and Alec. Now, however, the day of the awards show, it was impossible to concentrate. One moment Magnus was overflowing with excitement, the next he was nauseous. He couldn’t help but worry. This was all so new, they hadn’t seen each other since their perfect weekend. Everything was just confusing right now and Magnus didn’t like confusing.

He’d had rehearsal that morning which, thankfully, Isabelle and Raphael managed to get through without killing each other. Now, there was only a few hours before they had to be at the red carpet. Before Alec would be landing.

He was more convinced than ever, though, that he’d made the right decision, calling in the big guns — mainly because it proved a good distraction. Magnus liked to do his own hair and makeup but occasionally he let someone else do it, say when his favorite makeup artist was in town. Magnus had known Maia for years. After she’d done the makeup for one of his music videos, he’d even taken her on his last tour as his official stylist. When he heard she was back in L.A., he’d had to ask her to do his makeup for the show. Also, if he was honest, he had ulterior motives and a slightly nefarious plan in mind.

“You seem nervous,” Maia commented as she unpacked her makeup bag, looking Magnus over closely. “Which is strange because in all five years I’ve known you, I’ve never once seen you nervous. Not even when you met Beyoncé!”

Magnus waved her words away, flopping on the couch in his bedroom with Chairman Meow in his arms.

“He’s been like this all day,” Izzy said from her perch on his bed. “One guess why.”

Magnus rolled his eyes as they both said “Alec” at the same time. Simon’s answer came a second later but was the same.

“What’s going on there anyway? I feel so out of the loop,” Maia pouted. She discarded her coat, leaving her in her normal t-shirt and jeans. “Last year his name was practically taboo in your presence and now I’m seeing you two all over the tabloids.”

Isabelle glanced up from her phone, leaning back on Simon who was stretched out on the bed behind her. “That’s what happens when you’re off to wild parts of the world,” she teased.

“It wasn’t wild parts of the world,” Maia replied, deftly organizing her supplies on the vanity. “It was just Ireland, for a few months. And let me tell you, I am so over this working for movie stars thing. All three members of the main cast? Dicks. All of them.”

Magnus nodded sympathetically. “Movie stars are a handful.”

“You would know,” Izzy smirked.

Magnus stuck his tongue out, moving to his seat when Maia finished setting up her space.

“I missed you guys,” Maia admitted. “You’re all so chill and nice.”

Magnus had been briefly worried about bringing Maia back in as she and Simon had a thing a few years ago. But she didn’t seem the least bit surprised that Simon and Isabelle had gotten together, genuinely happy for them — though upset she’d also lost the bet. His plan just might work.

Mind wandering as Maia set to work, Magnus quickly found himself thinking of Alec — of course. He shouldn't have been nervous but the girls were right, he was. Worrying that they’d see now, that they were together again, that it was too hard, too much, not worth it. That it could never work out. On top of that, he was overly aware of the fact that Alec would be in L.A. for less than eight hours. Long enough to land, change, go to the awards show and the after party only to head back to the airport. It barely counted.

“Anyway,” Maia said loudly, pulling Magnus from his head. “You, Alec, details, please. So the relationship is…fake?”

Magnus hummed thoughtfully but said nothing else.

Isabelle hopped up, coming to lean against the vanity, watching Maia’s work. “So they say,” she said. “I mean, it definitely was at first, I thought they might actually kill each other for a while, or at least just completely wreck each other once again.”

Magnus swallowed dryly. How easy it was all ready to forget those first days. Seeing Alec again for the first time in two years when he’d been sure it would kill him, heart racing, pain lacing every breath. When he looked at Alec and all he felt was white hot pain and anger. And now…

“And now?” Maia asked.

“Now,” Izzy said, narrowing her eyes on Magnus. “Now, they both know they were never over each other at all and once they finally figure out how to do this whole relationship thing, it’s only a matter of time.”

“A matter of time?” Simon asked, clueless.

“Before they admit they’re madly in love, jump each other’s bones and probably get married. The whole nine yards,” Isabelle said, grinning proudly. “I, of course, will be maid of honor. Or best man, I’m flexible.”

Magnus looked away, discreetly swallowing before chuckling softly to drown out the buzzing at the base of his skull. He couldn’t begin to think of the things Isabelle was talking about. He could barely believe any of this was real, let alone think about anything that could possibly, maybe in a million years, happen somewhere long, long down the line. Sure, once upon a time Magnus had thought, hoped, that maybe — but that was a long, long time ago. Another lifetime.

“Ignore Isabelle darling, she has wild ideas.” He forced his cheerful expression to linger, smirking at them. While Magnus truly loved Isabelle, her ability to know far more than she should about everyone’s love life was disconcerting and sometimes annoying.

“What about you Maia, darling?” Magnus asked, laying it on just thick enough that Maia cocked an eyebrow. “How’s life? Seeing anyone special? Got any jobs lined up?”

A smile lingering at the edge of her lips as she continued to do Magnus’ makeup, Maia shrugged. “Same old, same old. Not seeing anyone. No jobs beyond the usual so far.”

“So you might have some free time then?”

Frowning, Maia nodded. In the corner of his eye, Magnus could see Isabelle watching, intrigued. While Simon was oblivious, playing some game on his phone behind them.

“You need a permanent stylist again?” Maia asked, digging through her brushes. “You know I’m always happy to drop everything and help out my favorite pop star.”

“You just love being one of the only people who can say they’ve done my makeup,” Magnus teased.

Maia smirked. “Maybe. But it is a high honor, _and_ you don’t let me do it enough. I’m just saying, I would never say no to doing your makeup on a more permanent basis again.”

Magnus shrugged, staring at his nails nonchalantly. “While I would love that,” he said. “I actually had something else in mind. You still dance, right?”

Isabelle almost fell off the vanity, eyes widening.

Maia had stopped, inclining her head to the side. “Sure,” she said. “I didn’t take all those classes when I was younger for nothing. Why?”

Magnus smirked, he really was a genius.

An hour later, he was ready to go, trying to ignore the anxious feeling in his gut, the sound of his pulse racing filling his ears. He’d gotten Maia to agree to consider joining Raphael and Isabelle, at least temporarily, promising to not only pay her well but let her do his makeup more often too. Things were coming together nicely. And now… Alec.

Isabelle and Raphael would be arriving separately, to perform with Magnus, Maia lingering to do their makeup. Leaving Magnus to wait anxiously for the limo to arrive.

***

Alec didn’t have to go up to the door, he could’ve just sat in the limo and waited but he didn’t want to. He felt like he was losing his mind, his skin crawling, stomach aching. He wanted to see Magnus, he didn’t want to wait any longer. The plane ride was already the longest of his life, he could barely sit still.

Unfortunately, it was Isabelle who answered the door, throwing herself at Alec who, unprepared, nearly fell back.

“Curse you,” Isabelle said, pulling back quickly. “You’re a terrible brother.”

“Sorry?” Alec asked, grinning at his sister. In all the excitement and nerves over seeing Magnus — Alec couldn’t help it, even with talking on the phone, even after their weekend and their assurances that they were going to give this a real try, even with that same giddy completely gone for Magnus feeling he got whenever he thought of Magnus, the pain and anger of their breakup somehow long forgotten now that they were back together. Even with all of that, he was still terrified something would happen. That Magnus would change his mind. — Alec had almost overlooked the fact that he’d briefly be in the same state as his favorite person.

Shaking her hair out of her face, Isabelle hit him lightly on the arm. “You’re only here for a couple hours and I won’t even get to see you,” she accused.

Alec sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I know, I’m sorry,” he said. “But filming ends soon and Jace and I will visit,” he promised. “And at least I’ll see your performance tonight.”

Sighing, Isabelle nodded. Giving him a last hug, she turned away. “I’ll go get your date,” she said, a teasing edge to her voice.

Lingering awkwardly by the door, Alec shifted, glancing around. He hadn’t been in Magnus’ L.A. apartment in a long time. Even when he’d come to talk to Magnus, he hadn’t come inside. It hadn’t changed much over the years but it was foreign to Alec in a way Magnus’ New York apartment wasn’t. Alec had never spent as much time here and when he did — he swallowed. Most of those weren’t the best memories.

“Hey handsome.”

Alec turned around, heart leaping. His mouth went dry as his eyes roamed up and down Magnus who stood in the doorway to the kitchen, dressed in tight gray pants, a deep red undershirt that shimmered with thin silver threaded weaved in intricate patterns, and a black vest. His hair spiked as always but missing its normal streak of color. His eyes darkened with makeup, lips curved up in an inviting smile.

Before Alec could move to capture Magnus’ lips like he desperately wanted or think of anything to say, Luke came in, dressed in a nice suit, eyes glued to his phone.

“Time to go, gentlemen,” he said, moving to the door without another word.

Alec and Magnus shared a look, Alec’s breath stuttering at Magnus’ secretive smile, before heading out.

It wasn’t until they got in the limo, Luke sitting across from Magnus and Alec, who were careful to leave space between them, that Alec realized just how complicated and crazy this had gotten. They were now in a real relationship that they were hiding from everyone while pretending they were in a fake relationship and mostly still hated each other.

Refraining from giving into the urge to pull Magnus close, biting his tongue on the words to describe just how good Magnus looked, the sudden tension in the car became too much and Alec ended up laughing. Really loudly.

Luke glanced over, concern written on his face but Magnus just stared straight ahead, clearly biting his lip on his own laughter.

“Sorry,” Alec said, closing his mouth but it was a struggle to contain his giggles. Honestly, only the two of them could get into this kind of situation.

The limo ride was awkward to say the least. The longer they sat there, barely looking at each other, the more the tension built and it wasn’t a good tension, more awkward than “I wish we were alone so I could kiss you senseless”. Alec felt like he was crawling out of his skin, like he would explode if he couldn’t end this awkward silence soon.

“When you win, don’t forget to thank Ragnor again or you’ll never hear the end of it,” Luke said, wrapping up his pep talk as they got close to their destination.

“ _If_ I win,” Magnus corrected. “He’s the first person I mention or else he’ll strangle me.”

“You _will_ win,” Alec and Luke said at the same time, making Magnus smile and roll his eyes.

Pulling up outside the venue, right before the red carpet, Alec breathed in deeply. By now he was getting used to this. It was out now, he was gay. It wasn’t like it’d been a real secret in years anyway. Isabelle forwarded him links to all the articles but just like Hodge thought, they were more focused on his and Magnus’ romance than his sexuality. Still, Alec hated these events, even if it gave him an excuse to stand close to Magnus, touch Magnus, act like he was in love with Magnus.

Alec was first out of the limo, holding his hand out to Magnus as the cameras started flashing. Alec forced himself not to flinch, pushing back memories of paparazzi hounding them. Luke followed behind, off to the side, a silent ghost.

“Ready?” Magnus asked, turning his shining eyes on Alec who forgot to breathe for a second before nodding. Leaning in, he brushed his lips lightly against Magnus’ cheek before he could start walking. Ignoring the flashing of lights and calls for attention.

“Ready.”

***

Magnus bit back a smile when Alec took his hand as they walked down the red carpet, posing for pictures every few feet. There’d been many times, when they were together before, when Magnus wanted to be able to go out like this, with Alec. And now…

Catarina met up with them soon enough, leading Magnus towards different reporters. This was his zone, surrounded by other artists, posing for pictures, exchanging sometimes false, sometimes honest greetings. And yet, Magnus wished he could just be home, alone with Alec.

“You look amazing,” Alec whispered in his ear.

Rolling his eyes, Magnus pushed him slightly, tilting his head and leveling his eyes at another camera. “Obviously.”

Posing close for pictures, talking to other artists with Alec lingering at his side, Magnus couldn’t shake this awkward feeling. His heart was racing too fast and he could barely enjoy being so close to Alec, his mind already starting the countdown. He loved these events but couldn’t enjoy it. He didn’t know what he thought it would feel like, when they saw each other in person again, after their weekend, after being officially back together but this… Wasn’t it.

Maybe it was because they couldn’t really be together, because this was really just another part of their jobs. They couldn’t sit and talk. They only had a few hours and all of it would be spent here, surrounded by other celebrities when what Magnus really wanted was to just curl up on his couch back home with Alec close so they could soak up each other’s presence.

Magnus shook his head, slightly disgusted with himself. He would enjoy whatever he got, even if there was this awkward distance between them. Every touch calculated, every word they wanted to say held back until they were alone.

“You okay?” Alec asked, once they’d finally made it inside, away from most of the prying eyes. Luke was still around somewhere, but Magnus had lost track of him. Cat hung back a bit, tapping away at her phone. They stood off to the side, standing a little closer than necessary but not as close as Magnus wanted.

He stared up at Alec, mind spinning. Alec looked unfairly good in a dark gray suit, a perfect five o’clock shadow along his jaw. Magnus wanted to lean in, capture Alec’s lips between his own. And he could. A small kiss here was more than acceptable. They were supposed to be together after all. But something held him back. There was a small smile on Alec’s lips, his eyes shone but there was something in them, something that told Magnus that Alec felt the awkwardness too.

What were they doing?

“I—” Magnus opened his mouth only to be interrupted, someone across the room calling his name. Turning, he found Tessa heading his way.

“Magnus Bane,” Tessa called pulling him close in a hug. “I hear we’re up for an award tonight.”

Magnus hugged her back tightly before letting her go. She looked stunning in a silver dress, eyes sparkling. “We?” Magnus said, scoffing. “Really, it’s all you.”

Tessa rolled her eyes, smiling at Alec. “He’s too humble,” she said, leaning in to kiss Alec’s cheek. “It’s been too long, Alec.”

Alec nodded, looking slightly uncomfortable, shifting and eyeing Tessa in a way that made Magnus smirk. He could imagine the kind of things his friend had said to Alec after the initial breakup.

“Is he?” Alec teased. “I think he’s just humble when cameras are lingering, to keep up appearances. We all know he has a big head.”

“Rude,” Magnus said, glaring and shoving him lightly.

They easily slipped into friendly conversation, waiting for the show to start, Tessa was flying solo for the night and they were sitting next to each other. It wasn’t the biggest award show but they were all important and Magnus and Tessa were up for song of the year, meaning he had to be here, to be seen. And there was the performance, meaning no hope of slipping out early, not that Magnus would really dare to, no matter how badly he wanted to be alone with Alec.

***

Alec held back a bit, watching Magnus socialize until the show started. Alec knew most the same people Magnus did but he was never good at small talk, another reason he hated these kinds of things.

Alec didn’t really know what to do with himself. Every move he made felt awkward, everything he said coming out strange. He’d been waiting for over a month to see Magnus, he’d planned to make the most out of these hours even if they had to be spent in a very public place but now that he was there, with Magnus, it just didn’t feel how he thought it would. He was happy, of course. Definitely. Wasn’t he?

He was happy to be with Magnus, his heart aching in a good way every time he looked over to see Magnus next to him during the performances, which Alec admittedly did too often. But it wasn’t what he’d thought it would be, he almost wished he was back on set, back in his apartment on the phone with Magnus where he could just relax, close his eyes and imagine they were in the same room. Now that they actually were… It just wasn’t what he’d imagined.

He was being stupid, he knew. It was his own fault, he’d imagined getting another weekend like the last, just the two of them and endless time to spend together, to figure things out. But that wasn’t real life. This was. It wouldn’t always be perfect but it was perfect enough as long as Magnus was there. That was why his heart had been beating off kilter since he saw Magnus earlier that night, honest to god butterflies taking off in his chest like he was falling for Magnus for the very first time.

The show passed slowly with an odd combination of pining, frustration, and boredom. It was torture, sitting through the awards show, wanting Magnus when Magnus was right there, playing with the hand he held. The strange tension that had been there since the limo had yet to fade. It was so much easier over the phone. Alec’s mind ticked, counting down the minutes. He wished he could stay longer, long enough to get through this awkward place and into something else but he had to be back to film another scene. As it was he’d have to sleep on the plane if he had any hope of not fucking up the scene.

Alec entertained himself with thoughts of escape, slipping out the back without anyone seeing. Going somewhere they could be alone, all the while dreading the after-party schmoozing.

Eventually, it was time for Magnus to perform and he disappeared in the back half an hour before to get ready. Alec forgot all his worries when Magnus came on stage, flanked by Isabelle and Raphael, not to mention the band. He performed his new song, the dance club remix. Tessa moved closer to Alec, grinning at him as they watched together.

Alec was sure that everyone in the room fell in love with Magnus when he performed, how could they not? He shined brighter than anything else, demanding attention so well that not one pair of eyes could be pulled from him. That alone was worth the plane ride.

***

The awards show provided plenty of time for Magnus to convince himself this was doomed. It would never work. They’d never have enough time to make it work. Alec would finish filming soon, it was true, but then he’d be doing promotional stuff and he already had a few auditions he’d been telling Magnus about. Plus, the album would come out soon enough and Magnus was swamped with filming music videos and interviews and all of the millions of things he had to do before and after the album came out. Sure, there would be whole weeks in there where, if they were lucky, they’d both be free but was that enough time to try and build a new relationship on the burnt embers of their past?

Magnus wasn’t so sure anymore. Really, they were barely even in a relationship right now. They were friends. They didn’t have time for anything else.

Magnus tried to distract himself from his thoughts with the very obvious reality of the fact that Alec was here, now, for a bit.

The show also gave him ample opportunity to figure out just how much he wanted this. Even with the doubts. This was what he’d wanted for as long as he could remember. And that was far more terrifying than the doubts.

He was so distracted by his thoughts that he almost missed it when his and Tessa’s song won, pulled from them when Tessa and Alec, sitting on either side of him, lunged to their feet. Tessa pulled him into a tight hug, grinning. Magnus shook himself out of it, shaking hands around him, pulling Alec in close, just long enough to whisper “I’m so not humble. I knew we’d win,” before letting Tessa drag him away up stage to get their award.

Magnus let Tessa do most the talking, throwing in quick thanks to his favorite people (starting with Ragnor) and a funny joke on the way out. After that, the night was a blur until finally they were done with pictures and interviews and it was time to head to the after party.

Texting Luke and Cat while everyone was filing out, Magnus slipped away as soon as possible, pulling Alec behind him with a hurried explanation to Tessa who grinned knowingly. There was a party after, for schmoozing and celebrating and whatnot but no one would really miss Magnus if they skipped it. And if they did, fuck it. He’d won song of the year, meaning he got to celebrate however he wanted. And the last thing he wanted to do was spend the next two hours sipping champagne and making small talk. Not when he could have Alec to himself for just over two hours before he had to leave instead.

“Where are we going?” Alec asked as they slipped into the limo, a small frown turning his face down.

“Food,” Magnus said, closing the door behind him. He slid across the seat, hand slipping behind Alec’s neck to pull him close. Their mouths fit together as perfectly as ever, Magnus’ churning emotions settling as Alec gasped a little before melting into the kiss, hand moving to the small of Magnus’ back to hold him close. Leaning back for a second Magnus said, “I don’t know about you but I’m starving,” before returning his lips to Alec’s.

All the awkwardness and strange tension disappeared within seconds. Magnus’ heart stopped racing as he relaxed into the kiss. There’d always been something about kissing Alec, that extra spark that made his blood hot, that bit of magic that Magnus named his third album for, that Magnus wrote a song about because the first time he kissed Alec, way back when, he’d been sure that had to be what was between them: magic. It never went away. This, more than anything, convinced Magnus they could work this out. They could get over all the crap in their way and figure this out.

Magnus let out a small moan as Alec’s tongue slipped into his mouth, becoming aware of the fact that his own hands were now roaming under Alec’s jacket, Alec’s sinking lower on his back. They were in a slightly uncomfortable position in the back of the limo but Magnus lingered one more moment, savoring the kiss before pulling back.

Straightening his clothes, Magnus calmly sat back in his seat. His heart raced in the best way, a smile curving up his lips as he said, “Okay. That’s enough.”

Magnus didn’t look over but he knew Alec was looking at him like he was crazy.

“What?” Alec asked.

Magnus bit his lip, Alec was completely out of breath. He glanced over for a second, taking in Alec’s wide eyes, flushed cheeks and smirking. Gaze bouncing away before it could linger on Alec’s lips again. “I said,” Magnus repeated firmly but with a laugh clearly hidden in his voice. “Enough.”

“Why?” Alec asked, confused.

“Because,” Magnus said, turning to meet his gaze head on. “If we don’t stop now, I don’t think I can stop.”

Alec’s eyes went wide for a second before he swallowed, nodding. “Right.”

Magnus rolled his eyes. “You’re a dork,” he said, looking ahead again and calling out directions to their driver for his favorite taco place.

“Yeah well,” Alec said, leaning over and grabbing Magnus’ hand. “I least I can control myself around other dorks.”

Taking a deep breath to control his emotions, his face instantly wanting to turn up in a grin that had nothing to do with the high he still rode after winning — no matter how many awards Magnus won, no matter how long he did this, he’d never get over the feeling of being recognized for his efforts and seeing crystal clear that this was real, that people liked his music, that it was _good —_ , Magnus slyly glanced over, raising an eyebrow. “Did you just call me a dork?”

“I may have referred to you as such, yes.”

“Wow,” Magnus said, feigning hurt. “I don’t think you’re invited to tacos anymore, Alexander.”

“No?”

Magnus licked his lips, keeping his head facing forward as Alec scooted closer, raising his free hand to brush a loose hair from Magnus’ face. “No.”

“That’s a shame,” Alec said, voice lower than a whisper. “Oh, I almost forgot. Congratulations.”

Before Magnus could respond, Alec’s hand was back on his face, urging him to look over. Their faces were barely an inch apart. Magnus didn’t hesitate, leaning in as Alec guided their mouths closer, brushing their lips together again. This, he was good at. This, he knew how to do. Just the two of them, forgetting time existed, forgetting to think.

Alec slowly dragged his lips against Magnus’ before pulling back and returning to his side of the car. “Okay,” he said. “Enough.”

Magnus still had his eyes half closed but opened them to level a sharp glare at Alec. “Funny,” he said, but returned to his side, leaning against the window. “No tacos.”

***

Everything was easy when it was just the two of them, the world shrank until nothing else mattered, there was no time limit, just them. Alec selfishly wanted it to be like that all the time but he knew that wasn’t possible. He’d just have to settle for the next two hours and three minutes.

Two hours and three minutes was enough time to do lots of different things, go to an after party, watch a movie, play pool, go on a real date. Do something that involved a bed and less clothes — Alec cut his thoughts off. As much as he wanted to do that, with Magnus, soon. He didn’t want to rush this. They were still finding their footing. So, tacos.

Whatever awkwardness had been left disappeared during their meal. They talked about the award show — “I’m happy Tessa’s greatness was recognized.” “You mean your greatness?” “Tessa and my greatness” — and Isabelle and Raphael — “I thiiiink I might have fixed the situation”. They talked about Jace — “I don’t know what to do with him,” — and filming — “It feels weird, being almost done.” They talked about things they’d been talking about for weeks over the phone but it was so much better, in person.

And then it was time to go. They had just enough time to get back to Magnus’ apartment where another driver would meet them to take Alec to the airport. The drive back was filled with suffocating silence. Alec didn’t know what to do or say. The last two hours had been perfect, and now… It would be at least another two weeks until they saw each other and even then…

It was overwhelmingly obvious that neither of them was ready for the night to end, for Alec to leave. They didn’t say a word on the return drive, not until they’d ridden the elevator and were back in Magnus’ apartment once more.

Alec stuck his hands in his pockets, feeling awkward again. Was this how it would always be? Playing phone tag for days because it was worth the frustration when they actually got to talk. Going a month or more without seeing each other only to have a few hours, a day if they were lucky, in person. Could you rebuild a relationship on that?

Magnus turned to him just inside the apartment, a weary half-smile on his face and everything snapped into focus. It didn’t matter how much time they had together, how much time it took to figure this out.

Alec was stepping forward before he realized it, hands coming out of his pockets to pull Magnus’ close. A smile curved up Magnus’ mouth as Alec’s hand slipped behind his neck, the other one stroking his cheek for a brief second before their lips were meeting —

And there was a knock on the door.

***

Alec groaned, pulling back and even as Magnus’ heart skipped, yearning to pull Alec back, he laughed. Of course. Magnus shook his head, wandering to the kitchen as Alec answered the door before appearing in the kitchen a second later, looking far more exhausted than he had moments before.

“My driver’s here,” he said, slumping against the nearest cabinet.

Magnus nodded, because obviously. “Until next time,” he offered with a grin, trying to hide the sudden hollow feeling in his chest at the realization that he’d wake up tomorrow, not grinning because he’d won tonight but with the same hollow feeling in his chest because after a month of pining and worrying over when he’d see Alec again, he’d only gotten to be with him for a few short hours. Magnus really, really hated how big the world was. If it was smaller, they wouldn’t be so far apart all the time and maybe they could finally figure out how to do this.

Alec sighed, nodding.

Magnus looked away, not wanting to see the dark circles under Alec’s eyes, the weary look in them. He hesitated a minute, looking torn between coming closer and just leaving. Magnus didn’t move. Would it be better or worse if they kissed goodbye? In the end, the driver made up their minds for them, clearing his throat from the front of the apartment.

“Goodbye, Alexander.”

***

Alec slept fitfully on the plane ride back. Berating himself the whole time he sat in the airport waiting to board the plane after changing out of his suit in the bathroom. His hired security stayed back, one of them venturing to ask him if he was okay before falling silent. How had he not kissed Magnus again before leaving? How had he just left without another word?

Alec barely had time to shower after the plane landed before he had to be back on set for makeup, leaving him no time to call Magnus and tell him how stupid Alec had been.

Jace showed up as Alec was sitting for makeup. He was grinning, already in costume, having been filming for an hour or so already. He flopped down in an empty seat, smirking at Alec. “Tired?”

Alec frowned, Jace seemed oddly normal… He didn’t trust it. Alec flipped Jace off, groaning loudly.

“Dude, I told you not to go.”

Alec rolled his eyes. The truth was, had he and Magnus still been…what? Hurt? Bitter? _Broken up._ He probably would’ve refused. He could’ve easily talked Hodge out of this, saying he needed rest before filming or any of a million things. But he and Magnus weren’t still broken up and he’d wanted to see him, go with him to the awards show when he’d missed them all before.

Alec just shrugged, unable to tell Jace these things. “You were right.”

Jace’s smile froze, eyes going hard. He sat up from where he’d been sprawled out, gaze narrowing on Alec who shifted uncomfortably. This was the Jace he’d gotten used to the last few weeks.

“You’re seeing him again, aren’t you?” Jace accused, voice low and bitter.

“What?” Alec blurted, jerking in his seat, making his stylist glare at him. “What are you talking about?”

“Fucking figures,” Jace muttered. He stood up, waving Alec away.

“What? What figures? Jace?” Alec asked. His stylist backed up, letting him stand and follow Jace across the trailer. “What’s going on, talk to me.”

Jace kept walking, throwing the door open and walking out into the dark night.

 _“Jace!”_ Alec snapped.

Jace stopped, glaring back over his shoulder. “What?”

“We need to talk,” Alec said. He should’ve done this weeks ago instead of letting Jace stew in his own mind. “Come on,” Alec pleaded.

Jace just shook his head. “Nothing to talk about. I’m fine. You’re more than fine. You should get back inside. They need you on set soon.”

Alec watched silently as Jace ambled off, hands shoved into the pockets of his jacket. Finally, Alec moved back inside, swallowing his anger and frustration with his brother, sitting down to get his makeup finished.

When he finished filming for the day, he stared at his phone, lying on his back in bed, for an hour or more. He kept clicking on Magnus’ number, finger hovering over the call button but never pressing it. Eventually he turned over in bed, burying his head in his pillow. Quickly falling into a deep sleep.

***

Three days passed before Magnus realized how stupid they were being. What the hell were they doing? Ignoring each other because they missed each other and hated that they’d only had a few hours together the other night? They were idiots.

Alec answered on the second ring. “ _Magnus_ ,” he said, Magnus’ name barely a breath of air across the phone.

“Alexander,” Magnus said, fighting a smile. There’d been this horrible feeling in his chest the last three days, a combination of missing and worry and a million other things he couldn’t describe except to say it all added up to how he felt whenever Alec left. But now it slipped away without his notice as he settled on the couch on the balcony, phone held close to his head.

“I saw your interview,” Alec said, Magnus could hear him getting settled on the other end of the phone, talking softly.

“Ugh,” Magnus groaned, easily falling back into the familiar rhythm of things. “I’m so sick of answering the same questions.”

“No, you aren’t,” Alec teased. “You love talking about yourself.”

Magnus smirked. “Well, I can’t deny that.”

“Have you seen twitter? Your fans are going crazy speculating about who your song is about.”

Magnus smiled, heart skipping. “You’re stalking me on twitter, Alec? The Magnus Bane hashtag?”

He heard Alec’s soft snort but could imagine the look on Alec’s face, cheeks going slightly red. “I get bored on set between scenes.”

“Uh-huh,” Magnus said, kicking off his shoes. “Whatever helps you sleep at night.”

“I know something that could help me sleep at night…”

Magnus snorted, rolling his eyes but having to force his mind not to wander through the doors that comment opened in his mind. “I’m sure.”

Alec laughed, the sound making Magnus smile softly. “Anyway, did you know some of your fans still think you’re pining after Camille? They think the song is about her.”

“You know the song is about Chairman Meow, right?” Magnus asked, moving to stretch out and closing his eyes so he could better imagine Alec was right next to him.

“What?” Alec spat, honest to god gasping. “Really?”

“No,” Magnus smirked. “The single is about no one and everyone, it’s just about…a feeling. I can’t explain it. But I have written a love song for Chairman. It may or may not be one of the ones some assumed were about you.”

“I’m not sure if you’re joking or not but honestly I would be disappointed if you hadn’t written multiple songs for the Chairman.”

Magnus grinned, feeling happier than he could remember feeling in a long time. One of the greatest things about being with Alec had always been that Alec just _got_ Magnus. Got his eccentrics, liked him for them. He never once acted like he thought Magnus was too much, too loud, too bright, like his past relationships. Alec was just — had always been — something completely different. The kind of relationship, the kind of love, Magnus had never thought he could have. Had been damn sure he couldn’t have after everything that happened. But now — take it slow, he cautioned himself.

“What else have you read about me online?” Magnus asked, smile dancing at the corners of his lips.

“Some of the things people say online,” Alec exploded. “They do know you can see it right?”

“Oh my god, get a life,” Magnus teased.

“I have a life, it involves watching Twitter constantly to see what your pervy fans are saying and gagging at tweets shipping you and Camille.”

“Gagging, huh? They make you sick? Not…jealous, perhaps?”

Alec growled, a low sound Magnus would’ve missed had he not been listening for it. “I’m kidding,” Magnus said, chuckling softly. “You know I’d never go back to Satan. Continue.”

“Okay, well, what about this one—”

“You’re looking at them now?” Magnus asked, raising an eyebrow even though no one was around to see it.

“Yes, now shush, I’ll read it out loud.”

Magnus shook his head. How had they gotten to this? He had no idea but he’d never complain. Even now, it would suddenly come over him and he’d realize just how much he’d missed this, missed Alec. Not just the being together and kissing and being in love – not that they were there yet – but Alec. Making Magnus laugh. Being there for him. Being his _friend._

“‘ _I want to ride Magnus Bane. He owns my ass’._ They know this is public, right? Dear god, who says that?” Alec stormed, voice getting progressively louder. “And this could be anyone! Probably some old, hairy guy.”

Magnus snorted. “This is why I have someone else handle reading tweets about me.”

“Yeah, me now. Dear god, how do we stop this? This is terrible. Though they are saying mostly good things about the song. Oh, this person ships us. They're using that name again, _Malec_.”

Magnus snuggled down further in the couch, enjoying the cool L.A. breeze and Alec’s soft voice.

“Are you trying to defend my honor, Alexander?”

“What honor?” Alec shot back, snorting.

Magnus gasped. “Rude. Now I’m not going to defend your honor. I’m sure your fans say just as many lovely things.”

“Ugh. I feel so uncomfortable now. Don’t talk about that.”

For a moment, they drifted off into comforting silence, just listening to each other breathe. Then Alec started softly, “Hey, Magnus?”

Sensing the shift in his tone, Magnus’ eyes opened, heartbeat slowing down. “Yeah?”

“What are we doing?” Alec all but whispered.

Magnus swallowed, licking his lips. “What do you mean?”

“I mean… Are we together, officially? Dating? Just…friends?”

Magnus sat up slowly, white noise filling his ears. He knew what he wanted them to be but couldn’t bring himself to say it, chest growing tight. Why was Alec bringing this up now, of all times?

“Say something,” Alec whispered, his voice soft and familiar, reminding Magnus of warm blankets on cold nights.

Magnus shook his head. He didn’t know what to say. “What?”

“I don’t know,” Alec admitted. “What are you thinking? I know…things were kind of weird the other day. And – and I’ll be done filming in just over two weeks but…”

Magnus nodded, standing and moving to the edge of the balcony. He rested his elbows on the stone wall, staring out over the relatively quiet (for L.A.) night. “I’m thinking… I don’t know what to think,” he admitted honestly. He knew what he wanted but he also knew all the worries and doubts he had. He wished he could see Alec’s face to better understand what was going through his head.

He just… He wasn’t sure he could trust it, yet. He wanted to. He wanted to slip back into this, back into Alec and them, together, happy. But… but no matter what, he couldn’t forget the sting, the burn, of everything that had happened. He couldn’t forget the hours – _days_ – spent trying to figure out what happened, trying not to fall apart. Could it be so easy, to just…try again or were they still merely pretending the past never happened. What if… What if they tried and it still ended the same? Magnus didn’t think he could stand having his heart broken by Alec, by the only person that’d ever really mattered, again.

Finally, Magnus took a deep breath and talked.

***

“It hasn’t been this easiest thing, so far. But I want this, Alexander. Us. But…”

Alec swallowed. He’d stood up, leaving his laptop discarded on the table and pacing as well as he could in his trailer. He couldn’t breathe. This wasn’t where he’d wanted the conversation to go.

“But,” Alec said, forcing every word out through what felt like a thousand pounds of weight on his chest. “A lot has happened and how — how can we be sure it will work this time?”

“Yeah.”

Alec pressed his back to the wall and slid to the floor slowly. Why had he brought this up? Everything had been going great. God, if Magnus changed his mind…

Alec licked his lips. “So?”

“So…” Magnus said and Alec could almost hear it the moment he stopped and shook his head. A small laugh coming down the line. “So, we’re idiots,” Magnus said. “We’ve been over this, haven’t we? And — and I don’t care if it takes us months before we can be in the same place for more than a couple days and figure this out, I still want to figure it out. If you want to,” he added, hesitating over the last bit.

Alec bit his lip on a grin nodding before realizing Magnus couldn’t see that. Relief filled him, making him want to laugh. He’d been sure – for weeks now – that Magnus would wake up one day and realize this was a mistake. But maybe… Maybe it could work this time. “Of course.”

“Okay, new rule,” Magnus laughed. “No overthinking things. It’s going to suck and it’s going to be hard. I can’t promise not to hurt you and you can’t promise not to hurt me but…”

“But?”

“ _But_. I’m in. For as long as it takes, I’m all in.”

Alec’s heart felt like it would burst out of his chest and he was having a hard time catching his breath. “Me too.”

Alec breathed out deeply, leaning his head back against the wall. “Magnus,” he started, feeling like he had to say more. “I understand if you don’t trust this completely yet, trust me completely—”

“But this time is different,” Magnus cut in.

Alec nodded. He regretted so much of their past but… but maybe it had to happen. Because he _had_ grown in the last two years, he knew now what he wanted, he knew what he didn’t know back then, that none of it mattered — not the coming out, not what other people said or thought, not his job, not anything — if he wasn’t happy, if he wasn’t with someone who made him happy.

They weren’t the same people they were two years ago and they weren’t the same people they would be two years from now but if, despite all that, they both still wanted this, didn’t that say enough as is?

He wouldn’t let himself get so caught up in being in love he spooked the moment it became hard and he wouldn’t let stupid things tear them apart. Not this time.

“So then, it’s completely official?” Alec asked.

Magnus laughed softly. “Yes, Alexander. We’re no longer lying about being in a relationship.”

“So when someone asks you if you’re in a relationship or who the song is about, you’ll say?”

“Yes, and the song is about my boyfriend. He’s an actor. Want to know what he’s been in?”

Alec froze, groaning. “Don’t say it.”

“Me. He’s been in me,” Magnus continued, delivering the line with far too much pride.

Alec choked, even knowing where the joke was going. He could vividly remember the first time Magnus had said it, back when they first got together. Not long after their first time. Alec had been drinking coffee. He’d nearly died.

Groaning as Magnus cackled, Alec shook his head, biting his lip on the urge to reply ‘not in two years’, doing his best to keep his mind from going down that road. “Glad to see some things never change,” he said instead.

“True. I’m just as fabulous as ever.”

***

Magnus went to bed smiling that night. That was it, he was done over thinking. He was done holding back. Done being cautious and worrying. Things would work or they wouldn’t but… But he didn’t want to regret it, ten years from now. Never trying. Never knowing where it could go. He’d once thought Alec was his happily ever after. He wouldn’t ruin this second chance to find out if that was true.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for never giving up on me even though I've been taking forever to update! I love and appreciate you all! Next chapter is super fluffy and will hopefully be posted soon!! <3<3<3
> 
> The best place for updates (like hints at the new fic I'm working on) is on [Tumblr @imawriteriwrite](http://imawriteriwrite.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Comments, kudos, messages give me life so thank you! <3


	21. Picture This

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> FLUUUUFF

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are you ready for the fluff?
> 
> All my love to my amazing betas and all my lovely tumblr friends and all the lovely people who comment because you're all awesome. <3
> 
> Chapter title from Picture This by Hilary Duff  
> "It's not how I pictured this, It's better than it"

As they filmed the last episode of the season, Alec got more and more anxious. He’d never been good at this part, the end of filming, the promotional stuff, and, more than anything, not panicking with worry that everyone would hate it. He was more than grateful for this show and this first season they got but it would be bittersweet if, after all that work, it did terribly and didn’t get picked up for a second season.

“You’re getting ahead of yourself, Alexander,” Magnus said, voice soft from across the country. He was sitting on the balcony, face cast into shadows as they FaceTimed. “Just, try to enjoy your last few days on set. _Then_ quietly panic over everything.”

Alec snorted into his coffee cup, shaking his head. He was in his trailer, waiting to be called to set. One good thing about the last hectic week was that, for the first time since they started seeing each other again, Magnus was the only thing Alec wasn’t over thinking. Even when they didn’t have as much time to talk, there was this…excitement and anticipation in Alec, this feeling of contentment and surety that, at some point, they would figure this out, that left him smiling without realizing.

“By the way,” Magnus continued, his tone changing to be more teasing, a twinkle in his eyes. “I saw the posters.”

Closing his eyes, Alec groaned. The promotional posters for the show had slowly been released over the last few days. He’d known since the second he saw his that Magnus would tease him about it. Alec looked so serious in it, holding a bow and arrow, quiver over his shoulder.

“You look good, holding that bow,” Magnus continued, smirking. “You know how to use that thing?” he asked before casually sipping his wine.

“Yeees,” Alec said, dragging out the word as he waited for Magnus’ punchline.

“Hmm. Interesting.” Magnus glanced away from the screen for a minute, Alec could see him holding back laughter.

Alec bit back a smile himself, shaking his head. “What?”

“What?” Magnus asked, all innocent smile and wide eyes. “I’m just saying, it’s very interesting. Looks like you know how to handle that thing well. Maybe—”

“Stop,” Alec interrupted, trying not to feel amused as he narrowed his eyes at Magnus.

Magnus laughed. “Stop what? You don’t even know what I was going to say.”

They locked eyes for a moment before Alec rolled his. “I know it was something that would make me blush and that shouldn’t be said around children.”

Magnus gasped, holding a hand to his heart. “I had no idea you thought so little of me, Alexander.”

Alec shifted, getting more comfortable as he shook his head. “It’s not that I think little of you, it’s that I know you too well. And your innuendos are shameless and sometimes traumatizing.”

“Why thank you,” Magnus chirped, looking far too proud. “And mission accomplished.”

Alec frowned, taking a drink of his coffee. “What mission?”

“You laughed,” Magnus said, turning more serious. “You stopped overthinking, didn’t you?”

Heart suddenly skipping around, Alec nodded. He cleared his throat, “Yeah.”

“See, how did you ever survive without me?”

Swallowing dryly, Alec smiled softly as Magnus grinned at him. “I have no idea.”

***

Magnus was walking to the car late one afternoon on his way to dinner with Tessa and Ragnor when his phone buzzed. Glancing down, he stopped in his tracks. Jace had taken to sending him pictures of Alec throughout the day, ever since Magnus’ weekend there, even before Alec told him Jace knew about them. Usually, they were amusing pictures of Alec getting ready, or bending over to grab something. This was Alec standing intimately close with Meliorn, a lovesick expression on his face.

Magnus took a deep, shuddering breath. Even without Jace’s following text — _Least Favorite Lightwood: It’s_ for _the scene but_ idk _. seems like there could be something there, no?_ — Magnus knew it was for the show but that didn’t stop the jealousy flaring in his chest. Magnus texted Jace a quick _I will kill you_ , and was just about to text Alec when a high pitched voice called out, “Magnus, darling!”

Magnus had a disgusted look on his face, shivering before he even looked up. Before he could react, Camille was clinging to him, smiling brightly.

“I was hoping to run into you,” she said, claws sinking into his arms. The thing about Camille was that if you looked just a little closer, you could see all her jagged edges, the way everything she did and said was fake. Even now, that slightly predatory smile didn’t reach her eyes. “We must catch up.”

It took Magnus a second to realize what she was doing. He was just outside his apartment and her L.A. home was across the city. She was facing the street, still smiling even while talking to him.

Glaring, Magnus shrugged off her touch, moving away. “Where are the cameras?” he asked, peering around angrily. It wasn’t like he was surprised, this was classic Camille. Using others to get attention.

“What cameras?” Camille shrugged. “There are no cameras.” She was dressed in a tight red dress, teeth flashing as she smiled.

Magnus shook his head, letting Luke, who was standing off to the side, lead him to the car.

“Bye, babe,” Camille called, waving.

“Bye, Satan,” Magnus replied, slipping into the back seat.

He pulled up Alec’s number, attaching the photo from Jace and adding and short text. _Hope he knows you’re a terrible kisser._

***

Filming wrapped a few days earlier than expected, everyone nailing the final days on set. Alec, Jace, Lydia and a bunch of the cast, even some of the crew, spent the night up late, celebrating and reminiscing. Over the last week, Jace had started acting normal again, apologizing to everyone for being a dick and overcompensating by being a little too nice. Alec didn’t trust it but decided not to worry about it for the night as Jace offered to pay for the food they ordered.

A few days later, Alec, Jace, and Lydia were at the airport. It was a little bittersweet but for once Alec was feeling good about the show. It was _good_. Everyone that was a part of it was good. And in just over a month, everyone would see it. He was almost a little afraid of how good everything was going but decided that, for once, he wouldn’t worry about that either.

“You seem to be in a good mood,” Lydia pointed out once they’d boarded, taking the seat between Alec and Jace. They were headed to L.A. for a bunch of promotional stuff that would take place over the next few weeks.

Jace snorted. “I wonder why?”

Alec glanced away, shrugging. “No particular reason,” he said.

Lydia looked him up and down closely. “Uh-huh. I’ll take your bags to the hotel for you,” she said, turning back to face the front. “So you can go straight where we’ll all pretend you aren’t going.”

Alec shook his head, biting back a grin. “Thanks.”

***

Magnus looked up the third time his phone rang, giving in. He’d been ignoring it because he was trying to sleep but now he was starting to get worried. Despite himself, he grinned when he saw who was calling.

“Alexander, it’s three in the morning, are you dying?” he deadpanned, sitting up on the side of his bed, petting the Chairman when he glared at Magnus for moving.

Alec snorted, sounding far too awake when it was the early hours of the morning for him. “Nope, not dying. I just forgot to tell you something the other day.”

Magnus frowned, flipping the light on his nightstand on. “And it was so important that you had to call at three in the morning?”

“Yup.”

Magnus sighed dramatically. “If you called to tell me you’re in love with Meliorn, it’s fine. I understand. Now can I sleep?”

Alec laughed. “I’m _not_ in love with Meliorn. I don’t know why Isabelle was with him, he’s a terrible kisser.”

Magnus smirked, remembering Alec’s affronted reply to his text a few days before. “Maybe you’ve just been spoiled,” he pointed out helpfully.

“Maybe,” Alec snorted.

Magnus bit his lip, holding in a laugh. Even with Alec back on set, things had been good. Really good. They still didn’t have a ton of time to talk but it felt different now. Not like they were pretending anymore. Like they were just merely waiting. They both knew where this, they, were heading and it was only a matter of time now. With that surety, it was easier to go about his life. He wasn’t constantly worrying about this or overthinking it all. He could focus on his career and life, and be happy with whatever time he got with Alec, knowing that as soon as the time was right… it’d all fall into place.

“So if you’re not in love with Meliorn what is so important you had to pull me from my beauty sleep?” Magnus asked, standing to pace around the room.

“We wrapped,” Alec said nonchalantly, voice cutting out for a moment.

“What?” Magnus asked, coming to a stop and frowning.

“We finished filming the season a few days ago,” Alec said, a smile in his voice.

Magnus’ head spun for a moment, thoughts flitting in and out as he continued to frown. “And you forgot to tell me?” he asked, confused.

“Yeah, sorry about that,” Alec continued in his uncaring voice. Magnus thought he heard someone honking in the background but dismissed the sound.

“I’m confused,” he admitted. He had an idea — well, a hope. But… “If you’re done filming, where are you?”

“Far, far away,” Alec teased.

Magnus’ heart pounded and a second later he just barely heard the knock on the front door. Standing, he hung up the phone, slowly walking downstairs to the door. He did not rush, even though his heart was racing.

“You hung up on me,” Alec pouted as Magnus opened the door.

“Asshole,” Magnus replied, reaching out and grabbing Alec by his shirt, pulling him in close and swallowing his laugh with a kiss.

***

In Alec’s opinion, there was no sight more beautiful than Magnus opening the door with an annoyed expression on his face that quickly melted into a smirk. Dressed in loose pajama pants and a plain tshirt, no makeup on. Alec lost his breath before Magnus pulled him in.

Alec gasped as their lips touched before stepping into the kiss, wrapping his arms around Magnus and pulling him closer. They were smiling so much they could barely kiss.

Alec pulled back slightly as Magnus tugged him fully into the apartment. “Surprise,” he said, laughing when Magnus chased his lips.

“Shut up,” Magnus said, bringing him back into the kiss.

Reaching behind him, Alec swung the door shut, opening his mouth as Magnus pressed close, looping his arms around Alec’s neck and deepening the kiss, their mouths fitting together seamlessly. somehow Alec constantly managed to forget how addicting Magnus' kiss was.

“To be clear,” Alec started breathlessly, pulling away once again. His heart was racing and he couldn’t stop smiling, a laugh building in his chest. “Is the reaction because I’m here or because I kept it a secret? So I know for future reference.”

Magnus snorted, pressing a soft kiss to Alec’s lips before pulling away. “For future reference,” he said, eyes glinting mischievously. “With a little warning, I can make sure the house is empty so we don’t turn a random corner and find a lurking Raphael.”

Alec leaned his head back, groaning. “Damn it.”

Magnus laughed, shaking his head. Reaching out, he took Alec’s hand, tugging him into the kitchen. “You staying tonight?”

Alec nodded, fighting to control his expression, smiling so wide it was starting to hurt. “If it’s okay with you.”

Magnus turned back, smiling softly before his face went blank. “No. You should go,” he deadpanned.

Alec rolled his eyes, tugging Magnus close by the hand he still held. “Ha. Ha.”

“I’m serious,” Magnus said, laughing when Alec pouted. “Put the puppy dog eyes away,” he said, wiggling out of Alec’s grip. “You hungry?”

“Starving.”

***

“Shh,” Magnus said, biting his tongue on his own laugh. “You’ll wake, Raphael.”

“We wouldn’t want that,” Alec smirked. Magnus rolled his eyes across the counter; when he wanted to, Alec could make a smirk look far too sexy.

Magnus couldn’t quite believe he was there, in person, eating cereal in Magnus’ kitchen at four in the morning. He couldn’t stop smiling. It was intoxicating, being together. As happy as he was that Alec was there though, he couldn’t stop himself from asking, “How long?”

Smile freezing on his face, Alec sighed. “Two days. Then we have to go to a con over the weekend. But then,” he said, standing from the barstool and coming around the counter to stand before Magnus who leaned his back on the counter, resting his hands on Alec’s forearms, barely a breath of air between them. “I have two whole weeks here, in L.A., shooting promotional stuff.”

“Oh yeah?” Magnus asked. His heart skipped around happily, a shiver going down his back as Alec rested one hand on his chest, the other on his face, gently stroking Magnus’ cheek.

“Yup.”

Magnus swallowed, letting his hands wander to Alec’s waist. “Sounds heavenly.”

“I thought so,” Alec grinned, eyes shining with intention.

Magnus laughed as he slipped out of Alec’s grip just as he leaned in for a kiss.

“Mean,” Alec said, laughing as he caught Magnus’ hand again.

“Come on,” Magnus said, nodding to the stairs. “Sleep.”

“Aye, aye captain,” Alec called back, following dutifully.

“Were you always so cheeky?” Magnus asked over his shoulder.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Alec shrugged.

“Uh-huh.”

Magnus was already in silk pajama bottoms and a tanktop. Once in his mostly dark room, nothing but the moonlight slipping in through the windows and the one bedside light on, he pulled off his shirt, casting it to the side.

Turning, Magnus smirked, watching Alec’s eyes running over his bare skin. “It’s nothing you haven’t seen before,” he pointed out, walking towards the big bed in the middle of the room. “Get comfortable,” he added, nodding to Alec’s own clothes. He still wore his leather jacket, a plain black tee, jeans, and boots.

"I haven't seen it in awhile," Alec muttered, sticking his tongue out before slipping his shoes and jacket off. Magnus watched unabashedly as Alec stripped down to just his boxers.

“Better?” he asked.

Magnus rolled his eyes but still let his gaze wander over Alec. If anything, he was in even better shape than he used to be.

“It’s nothing you haven’t seen before,” Alec teased, then his eyes landed on something on the bed. “There’s the real reason I’m here,” he cooed, moving to scoop up Chairman Meow who didn’t even grumble in complaint.

Magnus snorted, there was nothing more amusing nor adorable than Alexander Lightwood in his underwear, cuddling Magnus’ cat. Grabbing his phone, Magnus snapped a quick picture. Alec barely noticed, having a whispered conversation with the Chairman.

“You will not smuggle him away from me. This isn’t a prison, Alexander, and he loves me,” Magnus glared. Standing, he grabbed his cat from Alec. Chairman Meow grumbled and jumped out of his arms, running from the room.

Alec chuckled while Magnus glared. “Traitor!” Magnus hissed.

“You sure he loves you?” Alec asked, peering around the room closely. Most their time had always been spent in New York, or else somewhere random. Magnus took a minute to enjoy the image, Alec in his apartment, in his bedroom. Not too long ago, he’d been sure this would never happen again.

“I changed my mind,” Magnus finally said. “You can sleep on the couch. Or go to your hotel. Get,” he said, waving him away.

Alec chuckled. “Really? Is this because your cat loves me more? That’s really not my fault.”

“Are you serious?” Magnus asked, grabbing a throw pillow and chucking it at Alec’s head. Alec batted it away, laughing. “You and I both know you bribed him to love you.”

“I would _never_.”

“I know you used to feed him extra treats, Alec,” Magnus said with a pointed look.

Alec’s eyes went wide before he glared. “Isabelle told you, didn’t she? She is a terrible sister. I should go pour cold water on her or something.”

Magnus threw his head back, laughing. It was the middle of the night but he’d never been more wide awake in his life. Never been so happy, at least not that he could remember just then.

“You could do that,” Magnus said, moving to his side of the bed and sitting down. “Or, we could sleep.”

***

It wasn’t a real decision. Given the choice of doing just about anything or lying in bed with Magnus, Alec would choose Magnus.

Nothing happened that night. Just soft voices, talking about nothing. Muffled laughter and a brief war over the blanket. Alec hadn’t been very tired, even accounting for jet lag, but lying in bed, holding Magnus close, warm and content, he drifted off easily, between one breath and the next.

When he woke a few hours later, it was slowly. He had the brief sensation of leaving behind a perfect dream, a slight ache in his chest until he opened his eyes to Magnus’ arm thrown around his stomach, Magnus’ head on his chest.

Turning his head into the pillow, Alec stifled a smile. This couldn’t possibly be real life, he was far too happy.

“Magnus Bane, get your butt up!” Isabelle’s voice came suddenly from downstairs.

Alec just had enough time to jump out of bed and slip into the bathroom, nearly tripping on the way, before Isabelle stomped into the room. Alec shut the door quietly, shutting his eyes and shaking his head. This was crazy, he thought, heart beating out of his chest as he swallowed the urge to laugh.

“Isabelle, darling, don’t you know how to knock?” Magnus asked. Alec could hear him getting out of bed, sounding perfectly awake even though he’d been fast asleep moments before.

“Nope. I’ve never heard of this knocking before in my life,” Isabelle replied. Alec was sure she said it with a knowing smirk.

“Looking for a serial killer?” Magnus asked. Alec bit back a groan, imagining Izzy peering around the room, snooping. His clothes were still out there. Hiding was stupid really, she’d find out eventually, she basically already knew — probably already knew. And… _and_ maybe they should just tell everyone already.

“Something like that,” Isabelle replied eventually. “Maia’s here for rehearsal,” she continued. “And Jace, Alec, and Lydia arrive today, game night tonight?”

“Sounds positively thrilling,” Magnus said smoothly. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I must shower.”

“Uh-huh,” Isabelle called out. “Enjoy yourself.”

Alec rolled his eyes.

“I always do,” Magnus replied, slipping into the bathroom. He slid past Alec. Holding a finger to Alec’s lips, he quickly turned the shower on to mask their voices in case Isabelle lingered. The bathroom was huge, a wide counter with two sinks, covered in various moisturizers and cleansers. A giant tub and a walk in shower. Everything from the towels to the toothbrush, to the curtains on the small window, a sleek black and silver.

Turning back to him, Magnus smirked. Alec was finding it hard to look away from him in his low hanging pajama pants, so much bronzed skin on display without a shirt on. Mouth suddenly dry, Alec licked his lips, trailing his gaze back up to Magnus’ face. His smirk had somehow managed to get even more mocking.

“Shut up,” Alec said, voice coming out hoarse.

“I haven’t said anything,” Magnus whispered, moving close. He stalked towards Alec, across the large bathroom, gazes locked. With one hand, Magnus carefully pushed Alec back against the door, the other slipping behind his neck to bring his mouth down on Magnus’. Just before their lips touched, Magnus muttered, “Good morning.”

The kiss was soft and chaste, closed mouths, no wandering hands. Soft. Familiar. Perfect.

Alec couldn’t remember ever feeling like this before, grinning so much it hurt, pulse racing, heart singing. But he knew he had, before the breakup, every time he saw Magnus after they’d been apart for a long time. Back then, it’d been even harder to find time to see each other, sneaking around, keeping it hidden. This time it was different, no holding back.

“Morning,” Alec whispered when Magnus pulled back, his eyes still closed.

Alec opened his eyes after he regained his breath, they stayed close, staring at each other without saying anything. Alec couldn’t believe his luck, that this was real but it was and he wouldn’t fuck it up. Which meant — “We have to tell them,” he said, voice still low and scratchy.

Magnus looked shocked for a minute but then nodded. “Yeah, we do,” he said.

“I kinda like it just being between us,” Alec admitted.

Magnus smiled softly, stroking his cheek, Alec leaned into his touch. “Me too,” he said. “But if we’re going to give this a real shot, we have to tell our friends.”

Alec nodded. Leaning forward, he brushed his lips across Magnus’ for just a second, before pulling away. “Let’s wait until I get back next week,” he said.

Magnus nodded. “Probably best.”

“Okay,” Alec said, unable to resist leaning in for one last kiss. “I’ll leave so you can shower.”

“Probably best,” Magnus repeated, pulling him back for another soft kiss before letting him go.

Alec opened the bathroom door, walking backwards. “I’ll just hide out here until you guys leave,” he added.

Magnus nodded, hands moving to the top of his pants. “Probably best,” he said again with a teasing smile.

“Right,” Alec said, turning away and closing the door behind him just as Magnus pulled his pants down. He could hear Magnus’ devious laugh through the closed door.

Alec shook his head. _He’s trying to kill me_ , he thought, but he was grinning.

***

Magnus hummed while he showered, debating teasing Alec further by going out in only a towel before deciding that was too mean — and far too tempting. Luckily, his walk-in closet connected to the bathroom. He dressed quickly in yoga pants and a sleeveless hoodie, leaving his hair to air dry and skipping makeup as they’d be rehearsing for a few hours before heading over to start filming the music video.

Stepping out of the closet, Magnus found Alec stretched out in bed, sleeping with Chairman Meow on his chest. “Traitor,” he hissed at the Chairman who ran off as soon as Magnus sat on the edge of the bed.

Alec stirred at the movement. “What—”

“Shh,” Magnus said, leaning over him to capture his lips, kissing him awake. Now that he could kiss Alec whenever he wanted again he was finding it increasingly hard not to.

Alec woke fully, hands moving to grip Magnus’ arms, holding him close. They broke apart, gasping for breath, both grinning widely.

“Are you leaving?” Alec asked, licking his lips.

Magnus’ eyes tracked the gesture and he nodded. “I’m sure Isabelle will be yelling for me any moment now. We have to learn the choreography for the new video.”

Alec nodded, leaning in to press a lazy kiss to Magnus’ lips.

Magnus closed his eyes leaving them closed even after Alec pulled away again, resting their foreheads together. “I was going to ask,” Magnus started, breathing in deeply through his nose, surrounded by the scent of Alec, minty shampoo, his familiar aftershave and something earthy.

“Yeah?” Alec asked, voice low and breathy.

“When you get back,” Magnus said, opening his eyes so he could look into Alec’s. “We should go out. On a real date.”

“You’re asking me out?” Alec teased.

Magnus rolled his eyes, shoving back from Alec. “Yes. And you’re ruining the moment.”

Alec bit his lip on a laugh. “I’m sorry,” he said, clearly trying to suppress a grin. “Ask again.”

Magnus sighed dramatically, rolling his eyes as Alec sat up and grabbed his hand. “Alexander, will you do yourself the honor of letting me take you out on a date?”

“Monday night?” Alec suggested.

Magnus snorted. “Eager, are you?”

“Yes,” Alec said, grinning wolfishly.

Magnus rolled his eyes again, leaning in to press a kiss to Alec’s cheek before jumping out of bed. “Monday night.”

“It’s a date.”

***

Alec slipped out after everyone had left, meeting up with Lydia for brunch at the hotel.

“Have a nice night?” Lydia asked, smirking at they sat down.

Alec cleared his throat, blushing slightly. “It was fine. And yours?”

“Probably not nearly as good as yours, Lightwood.”

Alec shook his head, turning his attention to the menu. Jace joined them a few minutes later, far too cheery for Alec who watched him closely throughout lunch before inclining his head as they left the restaurant. “Can we talk?”

Jace briefly looked like a deer caught in the headlights, eyes wider than Alec had ever seen before nodding.

“Just as well. I am going back to bed to enjoy a day of freedom and sleep,” Lydia called, waving over her shoulder.

“No one loves you like a bed loves you,” Jace hollered back.

“Exactly!”

Alec snorted, heading for the room he and Jace were sharing. “So?” Alec asked as they stepped inside.

“So,” Jace repeated, a blank look on his face.

“Are we going to talk about what’s been going on with you or not?” Alec asked, cutting right to the chase. He was done tip-toeing around this. He was more worried for Jace now than ever and he couldn’t put off talking to him any longer.

Jace just sighed, flipping down across the nearest couch in their cushy hotel room. Alec sat in a chair across from him, waiting patiently.

“Look, we all know I’m not the best when it comes to feelings,” Jace started.

“True. Pretty sure the whole world knows that,” Alec teased, earning a glare.

“Anyway. It’s just… Well, I’m an idiot. I know that. I don’t mean to be, I don’t mean to be bad with feelings it’s just…” he shivered, shaking his head. “Not easy for me. To feel anything. To believe anyone feels anything for me.”

Alec swallowed dryly, giving his brother a sympathetic look. He could understand that, it wasn’t like Alec had ever been the best with feelings himself. He was just…finally learning. It wasn’t even that he was better at them it was just he knew what happened when he was scared of them, that was how he lost Magnus. He wasn’t going to do that anymore.

“We do though, Jace. A lot of people love you,” Alec said when Jace hesitated. Jace ran a hand over the back of his head and nodded.

“I _know_ that, but it’s not always easy to remember. And just, the stress of the show, and trying to figure out what to do about Clary… When I can’t handle these emotions, I cut everyone out, you know that. And then, with you and Magnus… I’m happy for you Alec, I really am. You guys deserve happiness and to work all this crap out, I always knew you’d end up together.”

Alec shifted uncomfortably, face turning hot.

Jace shook his head, sighing again. “It just…pushed my buttons because I want that, with Clary if she can ever forgive me for being a complete idiot. I just…don’t know how to get it.”

Alec nodded, standing and moving to sit next to Jace. He propped his feet up on the table. “We’ll figure it out,” he said, knocking their shoulders together.

“Yeah?”

“Of course,” Alec nodded. “But you’ve got to talk to me, Jace, don’t shut me out. We’re brothers.”

Jace rolled his eyes. “Stop being a sap,” he said, shoving Alec’s shoulder as he stood, moving to his bed.

Alec snorted. “You stop being a sap.”

***

The day passed quickly and yet entirely too slowly for Magnus who was overly aware of the fact that Alec, his _boyfriend_ , was finally in the same city as him for more than a couple hours. Still, he was a professional, he pushed it out of his mind and quickly nailed the choreography and if he was inspired by the thought that the sooner they finished the sooner he’d get to see Alec again, well, sue him.

One thing he couldn’t help but notice though, was that Maia fit perfectly with them. She could never completely replace Clary, of course, but she was the best alternative. And she seemed to enjoy it, grinning at Magnus when they were done for the day.

“Okay,” she said. “This is fun.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Maia nodded, wiping her forehead. “It’s been forever since I danced like that, forgot how much I loved it.”

“But?” Magnus prompted, sipping on a bottle of water.

“But,” Maia smirked. “Since I’m still a makeup artist, you have to let me do yours. Whenever I want.”

Magnus rolled his eyes, glancing over at Isabelle and Raphael who weren’t arguing for the first time in weeks, actually talking to each other civilly. “Deal.”

Once home, Magnus showered and changed quickly, texting Alec between until they finally all showed up.

Magnus bit his tongue on a grin, standing around the living room, trying not to look at Alec who was clearly doing the same thing, trying to maintain the illusion that they were still nothing more than a fake couple.

Isabelle ordered a ton of food, jumping around the living room, yelling at her brothers for one thing or another. Raphael sulked in the corner and Simon bickered with everyone who vetoed his choice of movie for the night.

“Gross,” Jace called when they finally settled down for the movie, Isabelle sprawling out in Simon’s lap.

“You’re gross,” Simon said, flushing despite himself.

“Dude, I still hate you for making me lose that bet,” Jace grumbled, throwing popcorn across the room at him. “Don’t test me.”

Magnus sat on the long couch, leaving plenty of space for Alec who sat a minute later, leaving a careful, casual distance between them. Magnus glanced at him out of the corner of his eyes, fighting a smile when he found Alec looking back.

Raphael suddenly plopped down between them, pushing Alec over as there really wasn’t enough room. Magnus glared down at his glass of wine as Lydia snorted from her spot on the floor, sharing a knowing look with Maia who sat nearby.

Isabelle stood up suddenly, exclaiming, “Almost forgot something,” before rushing out of the room.

Silence fell in the living room, Alec shifting awkwardly as everyone carefully avoided each other’s eyes. Magnus narrowed his eyes, something was going on.

He pushed at Raphael. “You’re edging into my personal space.”

Raphael looked over, gaze cold. “I’m saving you from sitting next to your ex,” he said, loud enough for everyone else to hear.

Alec cleared his throat, shifting over even further.

“My knight in shining armor,” Magnus grumbled. Glaring at Maia and Lydia as they nudged each other, letting out choked giggles before falling silent.

Magnus’ eyes roamed the room, landing on Jace who sprawled in the chair, looking far too casual and relaxed, a lazy smile turning up the corners of his lips. He winked at Magnus. And Simon who avoided his gaze, pretending to stare off into space.

“What’s going on?” Magnus finally demanded.

The other’s all shrugged, avoiding his gaze. Except for Raphael, who deadpanned, “Movie night, apparently.”

“Apparently,” Magnus mumbled, denying the urge to peer around Raphael at Alec. It drove him insane, Alec was _so close_ and he couldn’t even hold his hand.

“I’ll tell you what’s going on, no one ever invites me until the last minute,” a posh British voice called, followed a moment later by Ragnor strolling in. He flopped down on the couch dramatically, between Raphael and Alec putting even more distance between them.

“Who invited him?” Magnus teased with a slightly bitter edge as Alec was pushed all the way to the other end of the long couch. “I specifically said not to invite him.”

Ragnor leaned around Raphael, flipping Magnus off. “Nevertheless, my dear Raph invited me.”

Isabelle strolled into the room then, holding up her phone, smirking at the screen. “Ta da,” she said, turning her phone around to reveal Clary on FaceTime.

Clary waved. “Hey guys! I miss you,” she called, blowing kisses.

Jace choked, sitting up so fast he nearly fell out of his chair.

Magnus was close enough to see Clary’s wince while Isabelle snorted and Alec muttered, “Smooth, Jace. Real smooth.”

“How’s New York, biscuit?” Magnus called. He made a point to Skype her every few days so he knew how New York was but he felt generously like helping Jace out by taking the attention away from him.

Clary’s face flushed as she grinned. “It’s great. My teachers are amazing. I’m learning so much. I’d forgotten how much I loved this, you know?”

“Good for you, red,” Alec called.

Clary rolled her eyes before smirking. “Are you still torturing them, Iz?” she asked, eyes flashing with mischief as she shifted on her bed, some fancy painting hanging on the wall behind her.

Isabelle widened her eyes, face turning far from innocent. “Me? Never,” she said. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Uh-huh,” Clary singsonged.

Magnus frowned, leaning back slightly to share a look with Alec, who shrugged.

“Have they been mooning over each other all night?” Clary continued.

Magnus sat back up, eyes narrowing.

“Uh-huh.”

“Yup.

“It’s gross.”

“Makes me terribly uncomfortable.”

Everyone chorused.

Magnus shook his head. Reaching out, he shoved Raphael off the couch. “So you know,” he said, unamused.

Ragnor raised an eyebrow as everyone else fell silent. “I don’t know anything,” he shrugged.

Magnus sighed, rolling his eyes. Alec was clearly trying not to look amused as everyone else continued to look anywhere else, going along with the charade.

Raphael nudged Ragnor, leaning in to whisper in his ear.

“Oh that,” Ragnor pulled back with a smirk. “Does anyone not know about that?”

Magnus groaned, dropping his head back on the couch dramatically.

“I mean, that’s been going on for what? Weeks? Months? I forget. They’re not trying to hide it, are they?”

“Ha. Ha.” Magnus finally said, kicking out at Ragnor. “We get it.”

“Do you though?” Isabelle teased.

“Yeah, Mags, Alec,” Clary said, her expression turning serious. “You don’t keep secrets from friends.”

Suddenly, everyone was glaring at them.

“Yeah, Alec,” Jace put in, folding his arms.

Even Maia and Lydia joined in, leveling falsely disappointed looks at them.

“Oh my _god_ ,” Magnus drawled. “You guys are way too tied up in our lives.”

“And it hasn’t been that long,” Alec cut in, flushing.

“Uh-huh,” the others chorused, Simon coming in last, a minute too late.

“Can we just,” Alec started, gesturing to the popcorn and tv, face turning red. “Watch the movie already?”

Clary glanced away from her phone for a second, nodding at someone they couldn’t see before turning back. “Sorry guys, I’ve got to go. Talk later, leave them alone,” she called, waving.

“Never,” Izzy grinned.

“For the love of art, let them live!”

“Bye, love,” Isabelle called, hanging up and flopping back down in her seat with Simon.

Magnus relaxed as she quickly played the movie, Raphael settling on the floor while Ragnor lounged between Alec and Magnus a little longer. Magnus elbowed him, giving him a _look_. Ragnor ignored it, face expressionless as he turned to the tv.

“What’s this movie about again?” he asked.

Isabelle bit back a smile. “It’s a love story,” she said.

“Fascinating,” Ragnor replied. “One has to love a good love story.”

Magnus’ glare deepened but Ragnor seemed not to notice while Alec bit back a smile, leaning back in his seat.

“I don’t know,” Simon grumbled. “I prefer something with a little more…superheroes.”

Alec snorted. “No one is the littlest bit surprised, Si.”

“Superhero movies are decent I suppose,” Ragnor said and Magnus burst out laughing.

“Really?” he asked.

“What?” Rangor raised an eyebrow curiously.

“Ragnor, you’re an obnoxious ninety-year-old in a thirty-year-old’s body and you’ve never once seen a superhero movie. Now move so I can cuddle with my boyfriend before I kick you off the couch,” Magnus finally exploded.

Isabelle squealed. “He said it!” she shouted. “Also, who won the bet?”

Alec and Magnus groaned at the same time. “We were going to tell you, you know,” Alec grumbled.

“You should’ve,” Ragnor said, standing in a smooth motion. “Would’ve saved you some time.” He sat in the last free chair, grabbing the popcorn from Jace as he went. “And I believe Luke won the bet.”

“Really? Luke too? Where’s the honor?” Magnus asked.

“There is no honor,” Raphael deadpanned.

Magnus rolled his eyes but forgot whatever complaint he was going to make when Alec kicked off his shoes, stretching out with his head in Magnus’ lap. Magnus stared down at him, immediately running his fingers through Alec’s soft, dark locks.

"Where is Luke anyway?" Lydia asked, grabbing for a box of candy. "I though he was in town, being all manger-y."

"He's having date night with Jocelyn, they have dinner over Skype," Isabelle explained.

Magnus barely heard them, staring down at Alec.

“Hey,” Alec whispered. They’d barely made eye contact all night. Through three rounds of Jenga and an intense game of Monopoly.

“Hey,” Magnus whispered back, briefly forgetting anyone else was in the room.

“Barf. I forgot about this part,” Jace said, abruptly ruining the moment.

“Maybe we should’ve let them suffer longer,” Maia said, wrinkling her nose.

“And what happened to personal space?”

“Shut up or I will kick you all out,” Magnus said without looking away from Alec who rewarded him with a blinding smile.

***

Alec barely paid attention to the movie, nearly falling asleep stretched out on the couch, Magnus’ fingers running through his hair. He couldn’t remember the last time he felt so content. He couldn’t even bring himself to be mad at their friends for teasing them, just relieved they knew. It was real now, no taking it back, no deciding to call it quits before it went too far.

Alec found it hard not to smile, looking up every few minutes to find Magnus looking back. It wasn’t the same as it had been two years ago. Not exactly. Back then it’d been…fast and fiery, passionate and all consuming. They lost themselves in it until everything was too much. Now it was…familiar, the end to two years of longing. There was still passion there, still fire but not the kind that burned hot and fast before dissipating, the kind that could (hopefully) last forever.

Before he knew it, the movie was over, everyone standing and heading to the kitchen for ice cream. Alec stayed still, eyes closed, savoring a moment alone with Magnus.

“I’m glad we decided to tell them,” Magnus teased, voice low in the quiet room as laughter came from the kitchen.

Alec smirked, opening his eyes slowly. “Me too.”

***

“Now, since Magnus just won Song of the Year, and the new single is number one — thanks, of course, to me,” Ragnor said as they all stood around the kitchen with bowls of ice cream.

Magnus snorted, leaning back against Alec who stood behind him, one hand resting on Magnus’ hip, stealing bites of his ice cream. “Yeah. All thanks to you.”

Ragnor continued as if he’d heard nothing. “I do believe it’s time for a trip down Magnus’ accomplishments lane.”

Magnus groaned, leaning his head back against Alec. “No,” he said.

“Come on, you love Magnus’ accomplishments lane,” Ragnor teased.

“No, I don’t. You and Raph use it to tell embarrassing stories of me and take credit for all my work,” Magnus said.

Raphael and Ragnor shared a look.

“I have no idea what he’s talking about,” Ragnor said.

“He loves Magnus’ accomplishments lane,” Raphael replied, turning without another word and heading for the music room.

“It’s for your own good,” Ragnor said, following behind. “Keeps you humble.”

Alec followed next and Magnus glared. “Really?”

“I haven’t heard the stories in forever,” Alec laughed, holding out his hand for Magnus.

Magnus rolled his eyes, taking a last bite of mint chip ice cream before accepting Alec’s hand. They followed the others down the hall, Simon and Jace already laughing.

Magnus leaned against the piano as Ragnor and Raphael stood before the wall of awards, whispering to each other.

“Here,” Ragnor finally called. “We have Magnus’ first award. Given to him, for most use of glitter in a twenty-four hour period. Oh. And that first single of his. If you’ll remember correctly, though, his entire suit was covered in glitter as he accepted this award, tripping all over himself, forgetting to thank the most important person in his life.”

Raphael hated touching people but for this occasion, he reached out, patting Ragnor on the back. “There, there.”

“And here,” Ragnor continued after taking a deep breath, seemingly to hold his emotions in check. “We have the second award he got, for the most ridiculous music video. Accepting this one, he remembered to mention the most important person in his life but it was side note, right before he left the stage.”

Magnus snorted. “I need a drink.” He turned to leave as Ragnor moved on to the next award but froze when he found Alec standing close to the wall, a frown on his face, eyes narrowed in thought. Magnus approached slowly, standing close and entangling their hands. Alec squeezed his hand but didn’t turn to look at him.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Magnus asked, voice lowered so the others couldn’t hear over their own laughter.

“Ah and this, first album of the year. Of course, you’ll remember, we celebrated in Peru,” Ragnor recalled then.

“That was entirely your fault,” Magnus shouted before turning back to Alec who stayed quite for a minute, eyes running over the various awards before him. All that he’d won after their breakup, most for the most painful songs he’d ever written about them.

Alec was running his finger’s lightly over Magnus’ billboard award for album of the year for MAGIC, frowning in thought. “I bought it the day it came out, you know? Downloaded it at midnight. Couldn’t sleep the whole night. I listened to it on repeat for…a week straight before Isabelle told me I needed to stop. That I was only hurting myself.”

Magnus swallowed dryly, staring at the award instead of Alec. He’d never regret that album, the whole process was the most organic experience of his life. Somehow writing it all out like he did, performing the songs night after night on his longest tour yet… It’d been amazing, despite the pain it stemmed from. “I had no idea,” Magnus finally muttered.

Alec turned to him then, brow furrowed. “I haven’t listened to it since,” he admitted.

Magnus just nodded, still staring at the award. It hadn’t occurred to him until then how that album would always be between them, this very real proof that they’d fallen apart, _torn_ each other apart, for a long time. He wouldn’t apologize for it or regret it but it was getting increasingly clear that it was time to move on and he was more relieved than ever to be putting out something new. A new album, new music, it always symbolized a new phase in his life, glancing at Alec out of the corner of his eyes, thinking about the night before and that morning… Magnus was more than ready for this phase of his life.

“Do you ever think about how different it would’ve been?” Alec finally asked, letting his fingers run over another album of the year award.

“If we hadn’t broken up?” Magnus asked even though he knew that was what Alec meant.

Alec turned to him, eyes dark and serious. “Yeah.”

Magnus swallowed, looking away, unable to hold Alec’s gaze as his mind spun. Of course he thought about it, more often than he meant to since the day they’d come back into each other’s lives. Before that, it’d been a steadfast rule, one of the only he kept concerning their breakup, never think about what could’ve been. Finally, Magnus let out a deep breath, turning back to Alec who was still staring at him, steady and unmoving.

Magnus moved close, reaching up with one hand that he rested on Alec’s cheek, the other on his chest. “Of course,” he finally said, speaking quietly so the others couldn’t hear. “But I think, maybe, it was a good thing.”

Alec frowned. “That we broke up?”

Magnus nodded slowly, seeing the confusion in Alec’s eyes. “I hated it, Alec, of course I did. But maybe…maybe we needed that to get here. We weren't happy, at the end. And...I kind of like where we are now.”

Magnus unconsciously held his breath as Alec silently studied him, his heart was beating out of his chest as he held himself still, forgetting anyone else was even in the room.

“Me too,” Alec finally whispered, leaning forward and pressing a soft kiss to Magnus’ lips.

Resting their heads together, Magnus breathed in and out slowly. He knew exactly what Alec was thinking about, all the things they’d missed. But it was different now. Alec had been there for the last award and, Magnus hoped, he’d be there for the next. That was what mattered right now.

“Okay, enough of this,” Isabelle called out.

“Yes, we do not need to see evidence that you are back together and once again sickeningly in love,” Raphael droned.

They unconsciously moved away from each other, Alec blushing slightly as he rubbed the back of his head.

“We should’ve never told them,” Magnus muttered.

***

They lingered in the music room a little longer. Alec couldn’t pull his gaze away from the wall of awards, mind spinning, thinking of all the things he’d missed as Ragnor and Raphael continued to tell their little stories. He hadn’t been there for Magnus. Even when they were together, he hadn’t gone to the award shows and events Magnus wanted him to. He knew it was stupid to feel guilty, they weren’t supposed to feel guilty over this anymore. He just hadn’t been ready back then and he knew Magnus understood that, then and now. He knew nothing was wrong with that but he still couldn’t help the melancholy feeling in his chest, thinking about all the things they’d missed, that they could never get back.

Eventually, Magnus took his hand again, silently pulling him from the room and back to the kitchen.

“You okay?” Magnus asked, lingering in the hallway as everyone else spread out across the kitchen, the night slowly coming to an end.

Alec turned to face Magnus, noting the worry lingering in his dark eyes. He nodded, pulling Magnus close, slipping his arms around his back in a tight hug. “Perfect,” he whispered before pulling away again.

“Personally, I have not yet taken full advantage of the fluffy bed waiting in my hotel room,” Lydia said a few minutes later.

“You mean you’re getting up early to work out,” Alec teased. Magnus sat on the kitchen counter, Alec’s back to him as Magnus had pulled him close, hands resting on Alec’s shoulders.

Lydia glared. “Maybe,” she conceded. “Alas, I bid you ado.”

“Wait up, we can share a cab,” Jace called, dropping a kiss on Isabelle’s head on his way past, making to do the same to Alec before he pushed him away.

Slowly everyone else left, Simon and Isabelle retreating to their rooms — or more likely both to Isabelle’s. Until it was only Alec, Magnus, Raphael and Ragnor.

Ragnor smirked, making Magnus lean forward, burying his head in Alec’s shoulder.

“I suppose I should go, leave the two love birds to their own devices,” Ragnor called, slipping his fancy, tailored jacket on slowly. “Don’t stay up too late.”

Magnus flipped him off.

Raphael looked over the two of them, raising an eyebrow before turning away. “Don’t be too loud, for heaven’s sake, I’m too innocent to hear you all night.”

Magnus groaned, snatching up an empty water bottle and throwing it at Raphael’s retreating form. “And remember, we’re going to the gym first thing in the morning, I will not listen to you complaining of sore muscles the whole time.”

Magnus buried his head in Alec’s shoulder. “Why am I friends with them?”

“I have no idea,” Alec laughed. He turned around in Magnus’ grip, looking up at him intently. The glare melted from Magnus’ face, leaving it carefully blank as they stared at each other.

Magnus offered a small smile as he searched Alec’s eyes. “You’ve been quiet,” he finally said, practically whispering.

Alec stepped closer between Magnus’ legs, resting their heads together. “I know,” he whispered. “I’m sorry.”

Magnus shrugged slightly, not wanting to move too much and shatter the moment. He rubbed his hands up and down Alec’s arms comfortingly as Alec rested his palms on Magnus’ thighs.

“We’ve missed so much,” Alec finally muttered, eyes drifting close.

Magnus fought off the nerves in his stomach, staring at Alec’s relaxed features. “What happened to no overthinking?” he teased.

Alec’s eyes fluttered open. “Not overthinking. Just…thinking,” he said, leaning in to press a soft kiss to Magnus’ mouth, sending his heart skipping.

“And?” Magnus asked, blinking slowly.

“ _And_ ,” Alec said, leaning back until their lips were just a hair away from touching, brushing as he talked quietly. “We missed two whole years of each other’s lives, big moments, little moments. I didn’t get to cheer you on when you won album of the year — multiple times. Or follow you around on tour. Or take care of you when you got sick last winter and had to cancel shows—”

“How did you—” Magnus started but they answered together. “Isabelle.”

Alec nodded, Magnus’ head moving slightly with the movement because of their position leaning close. “Who do you think told her how to make your favorite tea?” he asked and Magnus actually forgot to breathe for a moment, heart skipping before Alec continued. “And you didn’t see me win my first award or land this role or freak out when my parents confronted me about my sexuality. And…” Alec trailed off for a minute, leaning back until their eyes locked. He licked his lips. “And I don’t want to miss out on another two years.”

***

Magnus’ eyes closed, they were close enough for Alec to count his eyelashes if he wanted to. The night had been a bit more of a rollercoaster than he’d planned. It was like, when he was with Magnus, it was so easy to forget everything else and then suddenly something came along to throw him off course, remind him of everything that happened. But…maybe that wasn’t a bad thing. Maybe Magnus was right, that they needed all of this to happen to get to here. Where they could really be with each other, be there for each other. For the long haul.

Magnus swallowed, Alec’s eyes tracking the movement, waiting patiently for Magnus’ response, feeling like they had all the time in the world. Alec could feel Magnus’ heart beating fast they were pressed so close together. Magnus licked his lips, breathing out slowly before whispering, “I don’t even want to miss out on two weeks.”

Alec grinned. Leaning in, Magnus met him halfway in a soft kiss. Alec’s hands moving to cup Magnus’ face as Magnus pulled him closer.

“Good,” Alec whispered against his lips.

Magnus laughed into the kiss. “Good.”

***

After a few more unhurried kisses in the kitchen, they made their way up to Magnus’ bedroom. Magnus lending Alec sleep clothes before crawling into bed together, facing each other, hands tangled together.

Magnus tilted his head, pressing one last kiss to Alec’s lips. “Good night, Alexander.”

“Night, Magnus.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully the next chapter will be up soon! So here's the plan: next three chapters or so? Lots of fluff (including their first real date now that they're back togehter, next chapter!). Then, there is a slight...twist as we near the end of the fic, sound good? <3
> 
> Comments, kudos, asks, messages, all give me life and help me write! You can find me on [Tumblr @imawriteriwrite](http://imawriteriwrite.tumblr.com/) If you want to see updates about my fic writing and snippets, FOLLOW MY TUMBLR.
> 
> Thanks for reading, biscuits! <3<3<3


	22. Still Falling For You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Malec's two weeks together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout out to the best betas ever <3
> 
> This chapters inspiration comes from Still Falling For You by Ellie Goulding, highly suggest you listen to while you read, just saying. XD

Alec opened the door to his and Jace’s hotel room Monday night. They’d spent the weekend in San Diego at a convention, only getting back that morning. Alec had crashed for a few hours before showering and getting ready for tonight. His first official date with Magnus since getting back together.

Alec could barely hold back a smile as he opened the door. Magnus had insisted on doing everything proper, from planning the date himself to picking Alec up at his hotel room when Alec had wanted to go straight to Magnus’ apartment as soon as they got back.

Magnus looked amazing in tight purple pants, boots with shiny buckles, a tight black button up that showed off his muscles and a dark grey vest, not to mention his ever present necklaces and rings, his familiar cuff earring glinting in his ear. That wasn’t the first thing Alec noticed or what took his breath away, almost making him choke, that was done by the wide smile on Magnus’ face. Alec wanted to spend every day of the rest of his life, making Magnus smile like that. The realization came to him suddenly, not making it any easier to breathe.

Magnus’ eyes ran up and down him lazily as he got his breath, giving Magnus the same once over. “When I said casual, I meant at least wear something other than your usual black,” Magnus teased.

Alec rolled his eyes. “I don’t have anything else here,” he said, grabbing his leather jacket from the hook next to the door and pulling it on over his black tee and matching jeans.

“Uh-huh,” Magnus replied, eyes twinkling. “Here, wear this,” he said, thrusting an ugly floppy, camo hat at Alec along with a pair of glasses, the kind that had a fake nose attached to them.

Alec chuckled, shaking his head but Magnus just kept staring at him, waiting. “Are you serious?” Alec asked, grabbing the hat and glasses and staring at them like they were something disgusting. “I know I have no fashion sense but even I know this is ridiculous.”

Magnus merely grinned wider. “We have to be incognito,” he said. “It was the only way to get Luke to agree to give my bodyguard the night off.”

“Really?” Alec asked, disbelieving. He stared at Magnus, noting the way his mouth twitched like he was holding in a laugh. “Because I’m pretty sure nothing could make Luke agree to that.”

Magnus shrugged, pulling out his own hat — this one a normal, black baseball cap — and sunglasses. “It’s the price of our date, isn’t it worth it?” Magnus said, sticking his bottom lip out in a pout.

Alec rolled his eyes, slipping the glasses on without another word.

“Wait!” Magnus said suddenly, stopping Alec who raised an amused eyebrow. Reaching into a bag resting at his feet, Magnus pulled out a god-awful bright orange wig in a bowl cut. Magnus was very clearly holding in a laugh as he reached up, settling the wig on Alec’s head. “Okay,” Magnus said, voice shaking though he didn’t laugh.

Alec gave him his best unimpressed look, blinking slowly.

Magnus cleared his throat. “Looks good.”

Alec shook his head, fighting a smile. Leaning in, he pressed a light kiss to Magnus’ lips. It only lasted a second before Magnus was turning away, burying his head in Alec’s shoulder. A choked sound reached Alec who grinned, patting Magnus’ back that shook with laughter. “There, there.”

Magnus took a minute, laughter buried in Alec’s shoulder, breath brushing Alec’s neck, sending a shiver down his back, before pulling back, once again calm and collected, though Alec saw the twinkle in his eyes when he looked at Alec’s appearance again.

“Put the hat on,” Magnus said, pressing his lips together tightly.

Alec shook his head but did as told.

Magnus nodded, looking anywhere but at Alec’s face, his own face turning red as he tried not to laugh. Alec held back a smile.

“Ready?”

Alec stared at Magnus’ hand that he held out for Alec to take, his nails were painted a dark purple, rings adorned nearly every finger. He wasn’t just looking like an idiot but also smiling like one when he took Magnus’ hand, calling out a goodbye to Jace before shutting the door behind them.

***

Magnus still couldn’t quite believe this was happening, that they actually had time to spend together. The two days before the con were amazing as is but now, they had two whole weeks. He was surprised to find the thought didn’t scare him, didn’t have him wondering if this was it, the moment they realized it wouldn’t work. Because, finally, he was starting to think, to hope, to believe that that moment would never come.

Tugging Alec downstairs, Magnus tried to still his racing heart. Luckily, Alec’s embarrassing appearance in the glasses, wig, and hat, helped distract him. Knowing he’d have Alec here for two weeks — even if he knew both their schedules were packed for those two weeks — made him feel dizzy, high with excitement and happiness. Where before, all he could think about was everything that had and hadn’t happened the last two years, now it was the last thing on his mind.

Alec whistled, long and low when they stepped outside the hotel, seeing the car waiting for them with the valet. “The BMW,” he smirked. “Are you trying to seduce me?”

Magnus turned to him with an unimpressed look, ignoring the urge to laugh when he saw Alec’s ridiculous appearance again. “I don’t need a car to seduce you, Alexander,” he winked. Dropping Alec’s hand, he opened the passenger door for him.

Alec hesitated. Looking between Magnus and the car before giving Magnus his best puppy dog eyes behind the fake glasses. “Can’t I drive?” he asked.

Magnus snorted. “You’re a terrible driver.”

Abandoning Alec’s door, Magnus went around and slid into the car, smirking at the affronted look on Alec’s face. He quickly took his hat off, checking his hair in the mirror.

“I’ll have you know,” Alec said, finally sliding into the car. “That I am an amazing driver.”

“You live in New York, you hardly ever drive,” Magnus pointed out, starting the car and pulling out of the hotel. He watched Alec out of the corner of his eyes, biting his tongue on a smile as Alec pouted. He looked away again quickly, staring at Alec too long would cause an accident — for once, not because of his striking appearance but the glasses and nose and everything. Magnus bit back another laugh, focusing on the road.

“I’m still a good driver,” he insisted.

Reaching out, Magnus patted his leg. “I know darling.”

Alec snorted. “Now you’re just patronizing me.”

“I would _never,_ ” Magnus said, driving faster. He spared Alec a quick look, slipping his sunglasses down so Alec could see his wide, innocent eyes, before turning his eyes back to the road.

“Where are we going?” Alec asked, easily entwining their hands while Magnus drove with the other.

The sun was slowly slipping away as they drove, disappearing behind the Hollywood sign. The windows were down, letting in the cool night air. Magnus drove with ease, knowing his way around L.A. like it was the back of his hand. A twinge of melancholy went through him, remembering his first trip to L.A., how excited, how terrified he’d been. He’d felt so grown up when he bought the apartment, terrified in a good way the first night he stayed there. Without Raphael, he never would’ve made it, hating being alone. And now…

Magnus glanced over, grinning at Alec who was already looking back. He’d come a long way.

“It’s a surprise.”

***

Alec grinned as they pulled up outside their destination. “Mini golf?” he asked, shaking his head.

“Of course,” Magnus smiled, tossing his hat and sunglasses in the back of the car.

“What else does one do on a first date?” Alec replied.

“Exactly. Though, can it really be considered a ‘first date’ when I’ve seen you naked?” Magnus smirked, opening his door and slipping out of the car.

Alec felt his face go hot even as he rolled his eyes. “You haven’t seen me naked in literally years,” he teased. “Besides, you’re the one who asked me out,” he said, slipping out of the car, eyes roving around the parking lot that was suspiciously…empty.

Magnus rounded the car, grabbing Alec’s hands and tilting his head to the side. He seemed to scrutinize Alec for a minute before saying, “I did, didn’t I? Can’t imagine why.”

Alec snorted. “Fine, I could just go.”

Magnus dropped one hand, tugging on the other as he started walking backward. “Don’t you dare.”

Inside the small mini golf place, a girl dressed in all black with heavy eye makeup greeted them next to a bubbling man who clearly owned the place. Alec watched silently as the man shook Magnus’ hand, babbling a million words per minute, most of which Alec didn’t catch. He shook his head as Magnus accepted a pen and a couple CDs from the man, quickly and efficiently pulling out the booklets to sign to the man’s children.

Alec pulled off the fake glasses, wig, and hat, giving Magnus a look when he glanced back over his shoulder. He couldn’t really be mad though, especially not when Magnus bit his lip on a laugh, eyes twinkling in the dimly lit room.

Alec’s eyes slipped down Magnus’ form as he leaned against the counter, scrawling out signatures while nodding along to whatever the man was saying. He finished abruptly, turning and catching Alec staring. Magnus’ eyes went wide, a smile teasing the corners of his mouth as the girl handed them each a putter and golf ball, along with a scorecard.

For a moment Alec was struck by the fact that this was real, what was happening between them. And he couldn’t begin to imagine how he’d gotten so lucky as to get a second chance at this.

“Were you checking out my butt, Alexander?” Magnus asked as they headed to the first hole, taking Alec’s bright pink golf ball and putter and replacing them with his own neon green ones.

“Of course not, I would never do that on a first date,” Alec deadpanned. “Did you rent out the whole place?”

Magnus shrugged. “Of course. Those stupid disguises never work, Alexander. Luckily, I got a picture for dear Isabelle before you took yours off,” he said, walking faster as Alec stopped, a betrayed look on his face.

“You didn’t,” Alec gasped.

Magnus stopped at the archway leading out to the mini golf course, the dim lighting of the room, along with the last rays of the sun, casting him in shadows with a slight halo.

Magnus smirked. “Of course, I did. Now come on so I can beat you and we can move on to phase two.”

***

“Stop cheating!” Magnus shouted, knowing his glare was ruined by the laugh he couldn’t hold back. Shoving Alec lightly, Magnus focused back on the pink golf ball. Alec stood right before him, making moony-eyed expressions at him.

“ _I’m_ cheating?” he said, leaning forward and blowing air in Magnus’ face. “You started it.”

“Yeah, well,” Magnus said, trying to regain a serious face. He _had_ started it admittedly, saying crude things the moment Alec went to swing. Night had fully fallen over Los Angeles, the city’s sounds surrounded them, cars honking, people shouting, the normal, everyday buzz of the city. But they were alone, in their own little bubble, undisturbed at the mini golf course as Magnus had paid the owner a very fair amount to close for the night and not tell anyone who would be there. “Stop, we’re at the last hole. That’s just not fair.”

Alec shook his head, licking his lips in a distracting manner. “I’ll stop when you stop.”

Magnus looked up, shaking his head.

“I’m completely innocent here,” he said, turning back to the small bright pink lighthouse where the final hole was. “I was just making casual conversation. It’s not my fault you’re a terrible mini golfer. It’s okay, Alexander. We can’t all be good at everything.”

Alec stepped closer, small, determined steps, stopping only when they were close enough to kiss. “Am I distracting you?” he whispered.

Magnus bit his lip, fighting not to give in and look at Alec, staring resolutely down at the ball. “Not at all.”

They’d been playing for over an hour even though mini golf wasn’t the hardest of sports, spending more time teasing each other than actually playing. Alec kept staring at him, waiting. Eventually, Magnus gave in, looking up and meeting Alec’s eyes.

“Can I help you?”

“No. Just…enjoying the view.”

Magnus snorted, pushing Alec away before hitting the ball quickly.

“Cheater!” Alec called as the ball sailed straight into the hole.

“What can I say? Maybe you can’t be good at everything, but I can.”

***

“Show off,” Alec muttered, pulling Magnus close by the hand he held as they stepped into the empty restaurant.

Magnus’ eyes widened innocently. “What?”

Alec narrowed his eyes, inclining his head with a knowing look.

Magnus pulled away, holding a hand over his heart. “You think I bribed them to close early for us? I would _never_.”

“You just did at mini golf,” Alec laughed.

Magnus shrugged, turning to walk to a booth in the back corner of the small diner. “Don’t worry, they love me here. They don’t mind.”

Alec followed, shaking his head slowly. If he was being honest, of course he loved that Magnus would go through so much trouble for their date, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t going to tease him about it. “I guess this is what I get for dating Magnus freakin’ Bane.”

Magnus snorted. “Don’t get used to it, this is all for first dates only.”

“Yeah?” Alec asked, slipping into the booth next to Magnus and entangling their hands. The restaurant was small, one step up from a diner with dim lighting and jukeboxes at every table. The lighting made Magnus’ eyes shine brighter than usual, making it hard for Alec to concentrate. He stared down at their hands, twined together as he asked, “Have you had many of those, recently?”

Magnus didn’t hesitate, rolling his eyes. “Recently as in the last two years?”

Alec shrugged, distracting himself by looking over the menu, still holding Magnus’ hand. The restaurant was a quaint little place, pictures of celebrities hanging on the walls, mismatched tables and chairs, nothing overly fancy.

“Not many,” Magnus admitted, voice low and soft. “It’s hard when I’m touring.”

“Right,” Alec said, trying not to show how happy the confession made him. He glanced up, meeting Magnus’ gaze. “And same. Too busy, you know.”

It wasn’t the Alec really cared about how many people Magnus had been with in the last two years, he only hoped none of them left a mark. That he wasn’t in love with any of them. It was stupid but Alec wanted to be the only one Magnus loved, even while they were broken apart. Just like Magnus was the only person Alec had been in love with…ever.

The waiter came over then, making small talk with Magnus. It was clear they knew each other quite well. Magnus ordered for both of them while Alec stared at Magnus with what he was sure was an embarrassingly wide smile on his face. It was only after the waiter left that Alec glanced up at the wall behind Magnus and snorted.

“Really, Magnus?” he asked.

Magnus looked over his shoulder, faking surprise when he saw the picture of himself hanging there. “I had no idea they’d finally hung that,” he said.

“Uh-huh,” Alec muttered, leaning in close when Magnus turned back around. Magnus smiled as their eyes met, crossing the last of the distance between them and kissing Alec lightly.

***

“So, best first date ever or what?” Magnus asked, smiling over at Alec as they walked through the park. It was late, not many people around, the city quiet and peaceful around them, or at least as peaceful as L.A. got.

Alec laughed. Stopping to face Magnus, he leaned in, brushing his lips across Magnus’ cheek, making his breath stutter.

“I don’t know,” Alec said as they started walking again. “While mini golf was fun, the burgers delicious, and also bribing the ice cream shop was a nice touch, I’m not sure it beats our real first date.”

Magnus paused, inclining his head, mind picking through memories carefully. “Which one do you consider our ‘real first date’?” he asked. When they first got together before, there’d been so much sneaking around and not a lot of real dates. They kind of skipped the dating part and slipped straight into a hectic relationship.

Alec was walking backwards now, pulling Magnus forward by the hands. They were on a small path in the park, trees surrounding them, the moon bright overhead the only light between sparsely placed streetlamps. Magnus knew his bodyguard was following at a distance and had been all night but for Luke’s and his bodyguard’s sake, pretended not to know.

They stopped under a street light, Alec tugging Magnus close until there was only an inch or so between them. “Christmas Eve,” Alec finally said.

Magnus frowned before it clicked. Looking up, he met Alec’s eyes that were bright under the street light. A small smile teased the corner of Alec’s mouth, his hair was more of a mess than ever and suddenly Magnus could clearly remember the day Alec was talking about. He chuckled, rolling his eyes. “You mean when we almost died?”

Alec laughed, throwing his head back and showing off his long neck. “We didn’t almost die.”

“It was pretty close,” Magnus said, dropping Alec’s hands to rest his on Alec’s hips, stepping closer until he could feel Alec’s warmth seeping into him.

Christmas Eve had come just a few weeks after they started seeing each other. Neither had had time to go Christmas shopping so they’d put on disguises — just hats and glasses — and slipped out into the cold New York day to shop. Magnus could still remember the giddy feeling of pushing through the crowds, hands clasped tight, laughing at nothing. Hiding away on the top floor of a department store, kissing behind a clothes rack. It was one of the only times they’d gone out and actually acted like a couple instead of pretending to be just friends. They didn’t actually do any shopping but ate enough food court food to feed an army before admitting defeat and booking everyone flights to Hawaii for the new year as gifts.

“It was our first real date,” Alec said, hands resting on Magnus’ upper arms.

Magnus raised an eyebrow. “Was it really a date?” he teased.

“Of course!” Alec gasped dramatically. “Remember, we even went dancing.”

Magnus smiled softly, shaking his head sadly. “I really need to up my game if you think dancing on the subway while someone played bagpipes counts as a date.”

Alec’s mouth dropped open comically and he dropped his hands from Magnus, stepping away. “I can’t believe you mock our first date.”

Magnus pouted, whining at the loss of contact but Alec only stood straighter, glaring.

“I’m sorry,” Magnus said, growing solemn. He tugged Alec closer by his belt loops until their bodies were pressed together. “I’ll never mock it again.”

Alec sighed before dropping the fake hurt act. He moved to cup Magnus’ face, his breath warm on Magnus’ skin. Leaning their foreheads together, Alec whispered. “I loved that date. It was the first time I thought… ‘wow. This is real. This could work.’”

Magnus swallowed drily, shocked into dropping his teasing façade. His heart galloping wildly in his chest. He licked his lips, staring straight into Alec’s eyes. “And now? What are you thinking now?”

Alec smiled softly, leaning in close so that Magnus’ world narrowed to just the two of them. Soaking up the image of Alec’s small smile that was just for him, his gorgeous eyes shining, as their breath mingled.

“Wow,” Alec whispered. “This is real. I want this to work.”

Magnus just had time to mutter “me too”, and then they were kissing. He didn’t know who leaned in first but it didn’t really matter. His heart rate evened out, his mind spun, filled with memories of all their previous kisses as he slipped his tongue into Alec’s mouth. Filled with the thought that this still worked, they still fit.

Magnus lost track of time as they stood under the street light, his bodyguard in the shadows somewhere, the thought of which had him pulling away and laughing at one point. They stayed close for the longest time, exchanging small kisses and whispered words before finally pulling themselves away from each other to finish their walk.

Magnus loved the memory of their Christmas Eve date but he couldn’t currently think of anything better than this.

They didn’t get back to Magnus’ apartment until well after midnight, kissing lazily in the hallway outside. Magnus leaned back against the door, slipping his hands under Alec’s jacket and pulling him with him, pressing a last small kiss to his lips before pulling back.

Alec’s eyes opened slowly, making Magnus smile. “What are you thinking?” Magnus asked, voice soft in the quiet of the hall, not wanting to disturb this peaceful moment more than necessary.

Alec studied him for a moment before his eyes darted to the door behind Magnus, darkening in thought. He licked his lips before saying, "I'm thinking I want to come inside."

Magnus smiled softly, running his hands up and down Alec’s sides. "Yeah?"

Alec looked back down at him, eyes narrowed in thought. "Yeah," he breathed out softly.

Magnus had a feeling he knew where this was going. He leaned in, whispering "Good." Before kissing Alec lightly. "Because I want you to come inside,” he said, resting their foreheads together. “But?"

"But?" Alec parroted, eyes clouding with confusion.

Magnus shook his head, offering a small smile. "Not me,” he said, running his hands down to rest on Alec’s hips. “You. I can see it in your eyes."

Alec hesitated before leaning in, tilting Magnus’ face up to kiss him deeply. Their lips fit perfectly together. It wasn’t so much electricity and fire between them as just this overwhelming feeling of _right._ Alec pulled back quickly, leaving Magnus breathless, chasing his lips, heart racing.

"But,” Alec said, pausing to clear his throat. They were talking quietly, pressed close together, Magnus could feel Alec’s heart racing, pace matching his own. Their eyes locked, everything written clear across their faces. “While I want to…you know..."

Magnus couldn’t help it, snorting suddenly and breaking the quiet. "Sleep together,” he said flatly. “Have sex. You can say it, Alexander."

Alec shook his head, the tips of his ears turning red. “Shut up,” he laughed before getting serious again. "I just, I think..."

"We should wait," Magnus cut in, deciding to save Alec from himself.

Alec let out a low breath. "Yeah," he said, moving his hands to Magnus’ arms, watching where his thumb rubbed lightly against Magnus’ shirt.

“Hey,” Magnus said softly, urging Alec to look up at him. “We’ve been through a lot, I think the least we can do is talk about this without it being weird,” he pointed out. “Besides, I agree."

As much as Magnus was growing to trust this, what they had, getting over his fear that it would be pulled away again at any moment. He just…didn’t want to rush it. No matter how much he wanted Alec like that. Plus, it’d been over two years since they last slept together, he figured they could both hold off a few more weeks. Until they were ready.

Alec searched his eyes. "Really?"

" _Yes_ ,” Magnus said, sliding his hand up to cup Alec’s cheek. “I want to too, Alexander. I want to know you again like that, but I like where we are and I don't think we should rush. And even if I wanted to jump your bones right this second I would never want to move faster than we're both comfortable with."

Alec nodded, starting to smile. "Same."

Magnus grinned, shaking his head. “Dork,” he muttered, pressing forward to brush their lips together once more before pulling away and finally turning to open the door.

"I still want you to come in, though," Magnus added, glancing over his shoulder.

Alec grinned. Magnus’ heart skipped the same way Alec’s smile always made it. "Me too," he said, following Magnus inside.

***

Alec woke up to his alarm going off at five in the morning. He reached over quickly silencing his phone before it could wake Magnus who was curled up next to him, his arm wrapped around Alec’s middle. Alec laid back for a moment, studying Magnus closely. There was the smallest smile on his face, like he was having a good dream. He’d kicked the blankets off in his sleep like he did frequently, his shirt riding up to reveal a sliver of bronzed skin. His hair was a mess, sticking up everywhere, it made him look far too adorable.

Alec pulled his gaze away, checking the time before carefully moving Magnus’ arm, trying to get out of bed without waking him. They’d stayed up far too late, looking through old pictures. Even now, Alec couldn’t stop grinning. He’d never let himself imagine he could have this again and, if possible, it was turning out to be even better than before.

Magnus stirred as Alec stood up, blinking his eyes open. He glanced at the clock before groaning and closing his eyes again. Alec tried not to find it endearing but failed.

“Where are you going?” Magnus asked, voice low and sleepy as Alec started across the room. He’d borrowed a pair of sweats to sleep in, his clothes from the day before waiting in the bathroom. He just barely had time to make it to the hotel to shower and get dressed before he, Jace, and Lydia would be picked up for a day shooting promotional stuff.

“I have to get back to the hotel,” Alec said, keeping his voice low in the dark room. “We’re shooting some promotional stuff at the studio today.”

Magnus groaned. “It’s so early.”

Alec smiled, moving back to bed to press a kiss to Magnus’ head. “I know,” he said. “Go back to bed.”

“Have fun working,” Magnus called, rolling over in bed. Alec was halfway to the bathroom when he heard Magnus’ muttering voice call, “Loser.”

Snorting, Alec quickly changed, slipping out of the apartment as Magnus went back to sleep. It was far too early and he hadn’t gotten nearly enough sleep but he found he didn’t really care. Not when he got to wake up next to Magnus.

God, he was a sap.

***

Magnus woke up slowly, stretching languidly. The other side of the bed was cold by then, Alec having left hours before as Magnus had a late day for once instead of an early morning, but not even that could stop the giddy feeling in his chest. Last night had been good. Really good. There was no more of that lingering feeling of this not feeling real, it felt like, maybe, just maybe, everything was finally falling into place.

“Magnus, get up,” Luke said coming into his room an hour later before stopping dead. “You’re ready,” Luke said, shock written clear across his dark face.

Magnus rolled his eyes, slipping on his shoes. “Obviously,” he said. “You do realize I’m not a child, right?”

Luke snorted. “Yes. I just didn’t think you’d realized that yet. Want to grab some lunch before rehearsals?”

Magnus nodded. “Sounds divine.”

Despite spending a lot of time in close proximity with Luke as his manager it was always nice to do something casual, like lunch together. For Magnus, Luke was the closest thing he’d ever had to a parental figure, taking him in off the streets and helping him start his career. Without Luke, Magnus knew, he would still be nothing but some kid with a decent voice, singing and dancing in the subway tunnels for enough money for dinner.

“So, you and Alec, huh?” Luke asked as they got settled at their favorite diner, Magnus’ bodyguard lingering near the door even though Luke was enough of a bodyguard himself.

Magnus rolled his eyes. Luke and Jocelyn were the only people who could make Magnus feel like a little kid.

“I’m serious,” Luke said. “I want to know.”

Magnus hummed, surveying the menu even though he always ordered the same thing here. Finally, he looked up, catching Luke’s intense stare. “It’s…good,” he finally settled on saying, biting back a smile.

Luke nodded. “Good.” They both turned back to their menus. A few minutes later, Luke spoke up again, “But I swear, if he breaks your heart again, I will break his legs.”

Magnus chuckled, sipping his coffee and shaking his head. “He won’t,” he said and was only slightly shocked by how sure he sounded, how sure he felt. This time was different.

***

Alec dressed for dinner slowly, a bad feeling in his gut for reasons he didn’t know. It was just a casual dinner with Hodge. And Jace would be there. Sure, he’d rather be having dinner with Magnus but he knew Magnus would likely be rehearsing late into the night with his band anyway. So what was the cause of the feeling rooted in his gut, urging him not to go tonight?

Alec shook it off, pulling on his jacket just as Jace came into his room.

“Ready?” Jace asked.

They met Hodge in the restaurant in the hotel so they didn’t have to go anywhere, sitting at a table in the back corner where hopefully neither of them could be recognized. Jace was always the one to get recognized most, though it was already starting to happen more and more frequently for Alec because of the show.

Hodge was dressed in a neat, dark suit, sipping expensive scotch from a small glass. Sunglasses on as he stared down at his phone. He barely glanced up as Alec and Jace sat, nodding to the waiter who quickly brought over two more glasses of the expensive scotch.

Hodge held a finger up as he finished typing something before coolly slipping his phone away and sunglasses off. He smiled a wide, fake looking smile that made Alec uneasy. He couldn’t figure out why he was uneasy suddenly but realized he recognized the feeling from the last few times he’d talked to Hodge.

“So, how are my favorite clients?” Hodge asked, rubbing his hands together.

Alec took a sip of his drink, letting Jace handle the talking. Most of dinner passed well enough, but Alec was itching for it to end by the time Hodge ordered coffee and dessert.

“So, Alec,” Hodge started, leaning across the table slightly. “I’ve been meaning to talk to you about your relationship.”

Alec tensed suddenly, forcing himself to take a deep, calming breath. “My relationship?” he asked, pouring himself a cup of coffee from the pot that was left behind.

“With Magnus,” Hodge said, leaning back and glancing at his phone as it buzzed. “It’s worked well enough the last few months, kept you in the fans good graces, generated a nice buzz online of those fans who love you together. I know it must be getting to you though,” Hodge continued, still staring at his phone. “So I figure we should end it soon. I just have to figure out the best angle for your career.”

Alec froze with his coffee cup halfway to his mouth. His heart slowed down to a painful crawl. He felt Jace go stiff next to him, and placed a hand on his arm to still him. Setting the cup down, Alec shrugged. “That won’t be necessary.”

Hodge looked up slowly, phone forgotten. He frowned. “No?”

“No,” Alec said firmly. He’d known he’d have to tell Hodge soon but was hoping he wouldn’t have to bring it up just then. Once again, he found himself confused by his reactions to Hodge, what was the big deal about telling him? It only made things easier.

Hodge studied him for a moment before seeming to finally figure it out. “Oh,” he said, slipping his phone into his breast pocket and leaning forward again. He pursed his lips, considering Alec. “I do wish you had talked to me about this first.”

“Excuse you,” Jace said before Alec could stop him. “How is that any of your business?”

Hodge sighed, shaking his head. “Everything about the two of you is my business. You know I love you guys, I want you to be happy but I have to think of what’s best for your image.”

Alec could barely breathe, he could feel anger stirring to life in his chest. What the hell was Hodge saying?

“You know what’s best for Alec’s image? Happiness,” Jace said, voice low and forceful.

Hodge leaned back, holding his hands up. “You know I wouldn’t do anything we weren’t all in agreement on, I’m just saying, in the future it would be better if we could talk these kinds of things over. Decide what’s best for your careers together.”

Alec breathed out deeply suddenly. This was Hodge’s job, he reminded himself. He wasn’t saying these things to be mean. Jace apparently didn’t feel the same way however, pushing to his feet.

“Yeah,” Jace said, throwing down his napkin. “Or we could just fire you.”

***

“He did not say that,” Magnus snorted.

Alec finally stopped pacing around the music room, coming to sit next to Magnus on the piano bench. It was late and Alec was still dressed in his suit from dinner which Magnus found wholly unfair as he was already in purple pajama pants and an old shirt. Alec shook his head, resting his forehead on Magnus’ shoulder. “He did,” he said. “You should’ve seen Hodge’s face.”

Magnus smiled slightly, staring down at the ivory keys of his piano. “What’d you do?” he asked softly.

“I thanked Hodge for dinner and left,” Alec said, looking up and pressing a kiss to Magnus’ cheek.

Magnus bit his lip on a smile, forcing himself to ask the question that had been on his mind since Alec started talking about his dinner. “Do you think he’s right?”

“Who, Jace? He probably overreacted, but it came from a good place,” Alec said, turning on the bench to actually face the piano.

“No,” Magnus said, looking over at him. The music room was dimly lit with red painted walls that made it even more so. The profile of Alec’s face in sharp contrast to the wall behind him. “Hodge.”

Alec looked over slowly, trailing a single finger along the piano keys. Magnus forced himself not to look away from Alec’s eyes as they drilled into his.

Alec shook his head slowly. “It doesn’t matter if being single is better for my career or not Magnus,” he said, leaning in close and resting their foreheads together so Magnus had no choice but to look in his eyes. “I don’t see how that even matters, honestly. But either way, I wouldn’t let that get between us.”

Magnus licked his lips before tilting his head to capture Alec’s in a soft, sweet kiss. “Good.”

“Good,” Alec agreed, pulling back and looking at the piano with a smile on his face. “What were you doing in here, anyway? Before I came in?”

Magnus placed his hands on the piano, playing a short melody. It’d been stuck in his head for days, bringing this feeling to his gut that he only got when he was on the verge of something amazing. “Just…playing around,” he said, switching things up and playing a quick tune.

He saw Alec’s smile from the corners of his eyes as Alec rested his hands on the piano next to Magnus’. He looked over, catching Magnus’ eye. “Remember when we used to play together?”

Magnus swallowed, nodding slowly. Some of his favorite memories were of the two of them playing piano together. Soft, sweet moments where they just sat next to each other, letting the music say the things they were scared to. Piano was one of the special skills Alec’s parents had insisted he learn when he was little while it’d always been one of Magnus’ favorite instruments.

Magnus stayed quiet, hands in his lap as Alec started playing something soft and sweet. Magnus waited a few minutes, catching onto what Alec was playing before putting his hands back on to play the next part. They stayed there for hours or maybe it was only minutes, playing back and forth, not saying a word. Magnus’ heart beat slow and steady, his skin on fire, eyes straying to Alec again and again and again until he couldn’t resist anymore and leaned over to kiss him.

***

The next few days were hectic. Alec had interviews and photoshoots, most the time he had free Magnus was busy with rehearsals and appearances and the last things he had to do in the studio. Meaning most their time spent together was a quick dinner and falling asleep while watching Netflix. Alec loved every minute of it, though. Even when they weren’t together in the same place, he still knew he’d get to see Magnus soon, but instead of being distracting it only grounded him throughout the day.

Magnus got home late that night, falling on the couch beside Alec with a loud sigh. “I have mentioned how much I hate rehearsals?” he asked, pressing a kiss to Alec’s temple.

Alec smiled softly, pulling Magnus close. He still had his coat and shoes on, practically laying on Alec who’d been stretched out on the couch, watching a movie. “Really?” Alec teased. “I had no idea.”

Magnus swatted at him, pulling himself back to his feet. “Rehearsal is important of course, have to know how to play the songs and all that nonsense. But it’s only fun for so long,” he pouted, slipping his coat and shoes off.

“Where are you going?” Alec asked, reaching out for his hand.

“Need substance,” was Magnus’ only reply.

Alec followed him into the kitchen. Alec had moved his small bag over a few days before, realizing it was stupid to have to go back to the hotel every morning to get dressed when he spent every night with Magnus anyway. It felt a little too perfect as they started cooking dinner together, Alec knew it couldn’t last like this for long, all too soon they’d be in different places again but that just made it all the more necessary to savor this.

Alec finally convinced Magnus to sit while he cooked. “This is totally unnecessary,” Magnus insisted, sitting on the countertop as Alec cooked. “You had a long day too. I’m not even that tired.”

Alec rolled his eyes, quickly chopping peppers. “Would you just let me do something nice for you?” he asked, glancing at Magnus over his shoulder.

Magnus sighed like it was some great hardship. “I guess.”

The peace only lasted a few minutes before Magnus insisted he was doing it all wrong. Slipping off the counter, he stood behind Alec, peering over his shoulder. “Just, let me,” Magnus pleaded.

Alec chuckled, shaking his head. “I know how to cook, Magnus,” he insisted.

“Yes. But not well,” Magnus mumbled, slipping his arms around Alec’s waist and kissing the side of his neck.

Alec snorted. “I’m not Isabelle, you know?”

“You’re not much better of a cook than her though.”

Alec gasped, turning in Magnus’ arms. “That’s a lie and you know it,” he said, glaring down at Magnus who looked up at him with an innocent look on his face.

After a minute, Magnus sighed. “Fine. But you’re still doing it wrong,” he said, leaning in to press a kiss to Alec’s nose.

Alec shook his head. “You’re insufferable.”

Magnus grinned. “In a good way, I hope?”

Alec smiled, shaking his head. Leaning in, he tilted Magnus’ head up, kissing him deeply. Alec’s mind emptied as Magnus slipped his tongue in Alec’s mouth, raising on his tiptoes to deepen the kiss, hands gripping Alec’s hips tightly. Alec’s hands rubbed up and down Magnus’ back, his heart racing.

Someone cleared their throat but Magnus continued to kiss Alec for a minute before pulling back, leaving him thoroughly out of breath.

“You know you have a perfectly good room upstairs,” Isabelle pointed out, grabbing a package of cookies from the cabinet.

Alec flushed slightly, looking anywhere but at his sister.

“But why go all the way up there when I have a perfectly good kitchen right here?” Magnus pointed out, continuing to hold Alec close.

“Did you want something?” Alec asked as Isabelle snorted.

Izzy stood up straight, growing sober. “I came to tell Magnus that Simon and I are moving out, into our own place.”

“Finally,” Magnus said, pulling away from Alec.

Isabelle glared but it fell away as Magnus hugged her. “You sure you can handle Sherwin all by yourself?”

Isabelle laughed. “I think so. It won’t be right away, but we’re looking for places.”

“I’m happy for you, Iz,” Alec said, when Isabelle turned to him, pulling her in for a tight hug.

“I’m happy for you too, big brother,” Isabelle whispered in his ear before pulling away. “Also, your food is burning.”

***

It was the middle of the night and Magnus sat on the floor in the middle of his bedroom, Alec sleeping peacefully in bed behind him. His guitar rested in his lap, his songbook on the ground before him, lines written and crossed out and rewritten again and again. He’d had the same melody in his head for days now but it was only as he laid down to sleep that night that it started to grow in his mind. He’d only been able to lay still for a few minutes, in which Alec fell asleep, before climbing from bed, pencil a mad blur across the paper.

Magnus didn’t notice anything else when he was writing, the rest of the world slipped away, became a distant blur until all that was left was Magnus and the music. The lyrics came to him quickly, like the floodgates had opened. The music coming as he played around with his guitar.

Magnus hummed under his breath, wide awake and slightly giddy. This song, he knew, was it. The last piece for the album. He kept tweaking the album, thinking it was good but not perfect yet, not complete. But this was it.

He scratched out the first line again, rewriting it for the dozenth time before leaning back. He quickly read over what he’d written, looking at the sheet music he’d jotted on while he repositioned the guitar. Humming under his breath, he started from the top.

Alec stirred behind him like he had off and on for the last two hours Magnus had been working. Magnus didn’t notice him sit up, staring across the room at Magnus where he was sitting, legs crossed, eyes closed, playing for himself.

Magnus could feel the music, deep in his soul, coursing through his blood as he played. This was his favorite part, riding a creative high, writing a new song. It would need work, of course, but it was good.

“Magnus,” Alec’s soft voice called through the quiet room when Magnus finished playing.

Magnus didn’t startle, having felt Alec’s eyes on him. He glanced over his shoulder to see Alec holding a hand out to him. “Come back to bed.”

Magnus hesitated a moment, staring down at the new song written out messily in his song book before nodding. Standing, he left his sheet music, songbook, and guitar where they were, taking Alec’s hand and climbing back into bed.

They laid there, staring at each other, breathing softly for a few minutes before Alec reached out, tucking a loose strand of Magnus’ hair behind his ear.

“Was that about…” he started.

“Us?” Magnus supplied for him, both their voices less than a whisper, not wanting to disturb the quiet night. “Yeah. Do you like it?”

Alec leaned forward, pressing the lightest kiss to Magnus’ lips before nodding. “I love it.”

***

Alec had a free day the next day. Sitting in the kitchen, sipping coffee, he watched Magnus talk animatedly to Luke and then Ragnor over FaceTime, discussing the new song. It went on for a while as they arranged everything. Magnus insisting the song had to be on the new album.

Alec stared down at his coffee, trying not to smile too widely at the memory of Magnus’ song. Magnus had written so many songs about Alec, about them, in the past, good and bad, but, though he was kind of biased, Alec thought this was going to end up being the best one yet.

There was nothing quite like having a song written about you, Alec had learned early on. Being immortalized in someone’s music. The first time Magnus dedicated a song to him, wrote a song _for_ him, Alec had panicked, just a little. Because he couldn’t understand how someone would do that for him. Writing a song like that was such a personal thing, it was like showing the whole world what was inside your head and it’d scared Alec that Magnus would do that for him. Now, he took it as a responsibility. It didn’t scare him, it made him feel cared for. And he owed it to Magnus not to betray that trust now.

After agreeing to meet Ragnor in his studio the next morning, Magnus turned to Alec, grinning widely. “I do believe we have a lunch date,” he beamed, grabbing Alec’s hand.

Alec’s first week in L.A. was already over but for once he wasn’t focused on their time limit. It didn’t matter. Once these two weeks were up, they’d just have to start counting down until the next two.

***

“I’m telling you, Alec, it’s all coming together,” Magnus said, unable to stop grinning as they walked to the restaurant. Hodge had insisted that if they were really doing this they at least needed to be seen out together, thus, here they were. Magnus wouldn’t complain though, he loved being able to do this too much. It was everything he’d wanted before, more than he wanted or ever thought he’d get.

Alec was smiling at him, their hands entwined together, Magnus’ bodyguards behind them, just in case.

Alec was just opening his mouth to reply when the first shout rang out. Within seconds they were surrounded by Magnus’ fans, his bodyguards quickly moving, doing their best to keep them at a distance.

Magnus gave Alec an apologetic look at the fans screamed for his attention. There were a few dozen, holding out cameras for pictures and notebooks to get signed. “Sorry,” Magnus said.

Alec smiled softly, kissing the top of Magnus’ head before letting go of his hand. “They’re waiting for you.”

***

Alec stood back out of the way, watching Magnus interact with his fans. Taking time to talk to them as he signed their posters and took dozens of selfies. He could easily be annoyed at the situation as they stood around for a good hour but it was hard to be annoyed when he was busy being torn between pride and awe. Awe because Magnus was so good with his fans. Alec didn’t know how to interact with his own very well. And pride because he knew how hard Magnus had worked for this, how much Magnus deserved moments like this.

Eventually, Magnus held his hands up, stepping back as his bodyguards moved forward. “I’m sorry dears but I really must get going now,” Magnus said. “I have a lovely date waiting for me,” he added, winking at Alec. His fans only screamed louder at that.

A car pulled up then, Luke stepping out to hold the door for them.

“Hodge?” Alec asked Luke before slipping into the car. Hodge had told them to go out, be seen. He had not, however, mentioned tweeting their location, something Alec had seen while waiting for Magnus.

“Yup.”

***

Magnus spent the next few days bouncing between rehearsals with his band and Ragnor’s recording studio while fielding calls from his label about the new song. It was exhausting in the best, most exhilarating way, made all the better by the fact that when he got home every day, he was greeted by a grinning Alexander. It was all too easy to imagine the rest of his life just like this, if he let himself think about it, it was a bit frightening, how much he wanted it.

Laying on the couch, leaning back against Alec as they searched Netflix for something to watch, Magnus couldn’t help but think of how quickly they were coming to the end of Alec’s two weeks in L.A. In just a few days he’d been going back to New York and they’d both be too busy to see each other again for…weeks.

“Don’t think,” Alec whispered, pressing a kiss to Magnus’ neck before finally giving in and putting Jessica Jones on, which Magnus had been trying to convince him to watch for the last hour.

“You don’t think,” Magnus muttered back, getting more comfortable and snuggling in close to Alec who chuckled, holding him tight.

“I won’t think if you don’t think,” he countered.

Magnus bit back a smile, eyes glued to the screen. “Deal.”

***

Before Alec knew it, it was his last night in L.A. He had the day free and Magnus rearranged a few things so that he only had to go into the studio for a bit in the morning. The afternoon was spent traipsing through the city, Alec surrendering to Magnus’ sudden urge to dress him, letting him pick out everything he bought for himself before they had a late lunch and returned to Magnus’ apartment early.

Alec was packing in Magnus’ room while Magnus sat on the bed, idly strumming his guitar when it fully sank in that he had to leave in the morning. His heart sank slightly as he stared at Magnus, who was looking down at the guitar, tuning it carefully. He felt numb suddenly as he realized just how badly he didn’t want to leave in the morning. Still, watching Magnus, it didn’t feel the same as it had the last few times because suddenly he was sure that it’d be fine, that even though they’d be apart for a bit they’d find time to see each other again and it’d be just as good as it was now. Maybe even better.

Magnus looked up suddenly, quirking his lips into a crooked smile. “What?” he asked.

“What?” Alec parroted, resisting the urge to look away, staring right into Magnus’ eyes that looked more gold than green in the low light of the room.

Magnus smirked. “Why are you staring at me?”

“What else is there to stare at?” Alec replied, grinning widely when Magnus reached out, throwing a pillow at him. Alec caught the pillow and threw it back.

Alec finished packing quickly before turning back to Magnus who was playing his new song on the guitar, a slowed down version as he hummed under his breath. Alec sat next to him, pressing a kiss to his cheek and waiting for him to look up before asking, “Are you finally going to play it for me?”

Magnus smiled mysteriously, eyes twinkling. “I was considering it,” he teased, continuing to strum the guitar.

“Should I beg?” Alec offered, leaning close.

“Maybe,” Magnus said, looking back at his guitar before glancing at Alec again. “Couldn’t hurt.”

Alec leaned in closer, making it impossible for Magnus to continue playing. He kissed his cheek again, thinking he’d never get tired of being able to casually touch Magnus, kiss Magnus. It was hard not to do it all the time. He trailed his lips to Magnus’ slowly, pausing with only a breath of air between their mouths, eyes locked together.

“Please?” Alec whispered, voice barely loud enough to be heard.

Magnus sighed, long and drawn out. “I guess.”

Alec chuckled. Shaking his head, he leaned back, taking Magnus’ guitar with him. “You have the recording, right?” he asked.

Magnus frowned but nodded. “Why?”

“Dance with me.”

“Dance with you?” Magnus asked incredulously. “You hate dancing.”

Alec shrugged, standing and holding his hand out for Magnus. “Not always,” he said. Dancing was just an excuse to hold someone close after all.

Magnus rolled his eyes. Grabbing his phone, he pulled up the song which played through the speakers in his room. As the music started, low and soft, just the piano to start, Alec took Magnus’ hands, pulling him into the center of the room where there was plenty of space. Even though the song picked up, changing from what at first appeared to be a ballade into something much faster and catchier, Alec held Magnus close, swaying back and forth lightly.

Magnus grinned rolling his eyes again. “You’re such a sap,” he said. Their bodies were pressed close, Magnus’ arms wrapped around Alec’s neck, their breath mingling.

Alec closed his eyes as Magnus rested his head on Alec’s shoulder, focusing on the music. His heart picked up speed as he listened to the lyrics, Magnus’ voice low and soulful on the track, singing about wanting a redo. A second chance to start over. The music fast but not too fast, low and romantic. Magnus’ voice sent shivers down Alec’s back, the song somehow sounding exactly like the last two weeks had felt.

Alec closed his eyes, nuzzling against Magnus. Everything else ceased to exist, the music surrounding him, filling him, Magnus grounded him in this moment that he never wanted to move on from.

Alec’s heart beat faster and faster as he held Magnus, trying to make the moment last for as long as possible. He didn’t want to go back to New York tomorrow, even if he was completely sure everything would be fine between them, that they’d make it work. He still didn’t want to go, felt like he was missing Magnus already as his heart gave a sharp pang.

He’d been trying not to think it, didn’t want to jump the gun and rush things but as the song Magnus wrote about this, about their second chance, restarted, it was impossible to deny that Alec was falling in love with him all over again. Had probably never fallen out of love with him the first time. It just got more and more obvious with every moment they spent together.

Alec bit his lips on the words, not yet, he thought. Soon, but not yet.

***

Magnus barely slept a wink that night, he knew it was stupid, he needed to sleep, not sleeping wouldn’t make Alec’s leaving any less imminent. He wasn’t ready for this to end, the last two weeks had been as close to perfect as Magnus could imagine and, even though his logical side told him things would be fine and this had to happen — they were both busy, they were lucky that they both had successful careers doing what they loved; they’d make it work — his heart insisted that this was the worst thing that could happen right now.

They laid close in bed, Magnus on his back with Alec resting on his shoulder, staring at the clock over Magnus’ shoulder. “I should get up,” he muttered eventually, kissing Magnus’ shoulder before moving to do what he said.

Magnus didn’t comment, sitting up with him until they were facing each other in bed, each waiting for the other to talk. Magnus didn’t know how it could both be better than the last time they said goodbye, knowing it was only temporary, that this was real and good now. And impossibly worse. Magnus loved the little bubble they’d been living in the last two weeks, even if he knew it wasn’t completely real, he wasn’t ready for it to end, to go back to reality and hundreds of miles between them.

Magnus moved first, sitting up on his knees and cupping Alec’s face, tilting his head back to kiss him deeply. It was the kind of rushed, messy kiss he hadn’t let himself have the last weeks, not wanting to rush things. Climbing into Alec’s lap, their hands moving all over each other, as Alec’s mouth opened to Magnus’ tongue. Magnus rested one hand over Alec’s heart, the other tangled in his hair as Alec’s hands roamed up and down his back, kissing Alec until he had to pull away, lungs aching for breath.

Magnus leaned his forehead against Alec’s, breathing heavily, eyes still closed. Alec’s hands moved to his hips, holding him close, their breath mingling.

“It’s only a four-hour difference,” Alec said, voice hoarse once he’d gotten his breath back. “That’s not so bad. We’ll talk all the time.”

Magnus nodded, eyes still closed. He breathed out deeply, heart skipping wildly.

“And things will calm down with the show soon and I can come back for a bit,” Alec continued, sounding a little more desperate now.

Magnus nodded. “And I’ll come to New York,” he added.

What neither of them said was just how hectic the next few weeks would be. Magnus had to get on top of rehearsals and film music videos and do appearances, promoting the album before it came out and after. Alec already had auditions lined up not to mention further promoting of the show once it aired. This was their lives. How it had always been and would always be. Constantly jumping on a plane, together for a few days, weeks if they were lucky, before being pulled apart again. Magnus’ tour was already being planned, would be announced in just a few weeks; Alec would land other parts. That was the reality of their lives. It would be a constant string of hello’s, followed all too soon by goodbyes.

Yet, when Alec pulled him close, their bodies pressed together, kissing him deeply once more, Magnus found he really didn’t mind it at all. He’d take whatever time he got with the man he loved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo...did you like the chapter? Favorite part? Favorite line? Remember to follow me on [Tumblr @imawriteriwrite](http://imawriteriwrite.tumblr.com/)  
> for snippets/updates! Comments and kudos are always appreciated. Thanks for reading and hopefully it won't be more than a week or two until the next chapter! I also officially updated the length of the fic which should be 31 chapters so you know, we're beginning to near the end. Into the LAST THRID! More fluff coming soon. <3


	23. Crazy In Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout out to my amazing betas, I love you guys <3
> 
> The last of my chill is officially gone. I try to write shorter, normal lengthed chapters and then this happens!

“Did you survive the flight without giving in to the urge to kill Jace?” Magnus’ voice came over the phone after one ring, a teasing lilt to it that immediately cheered Alec up, bringing a wide smile to his face.

“Barely,” Alec groaned, flopping down on the bed in his New York apartment. “How’s your day been?”

It’d barely been nine hours since Alec left Magnus’ apartment but it already felt longer, like he could physically feel the distance between them growing wider, wearing him out. He could picture Magnus smiling and pacing in the recording studio, heard Ragnor’s voice in the back, calling for him to get off the phone with his boy toy.

“Ragnor is just so lovely to work with,” Magnus deadpanned. “We’ve been tweaking the song all day because _someone_ isn’t happy with it yet. He’s trying to change the chorus; can you believe him? After all the work we’ve already done. He’s not even a song writer!”

“But I know what sounds good and that chorus could be better,” Ragnor yelled.

Alec laughed, stretching out in bed, tired even if it wasn’t that long of a flight. It was made all the worse by Jace talking nonstop about Clary the whole time, repeatedly asking anyone who would listen how to fix things. Lydia had quickly put her headphones in, patting Alec’s shoulder and saying, “It’s all up to you,” before promptly going to sleep.

“He’s insufferable,” Magnus sighed.

“I can hear you,” Ragnor called.

“Stop listening,” Magnus shouted back. Alec could hear him walking and then a door shutting. “Remind me to bring Raphael tomorrow, to distract Ragnor.”

“I don’t think adding Raphael to the equation will make things better.”

Magnus sighed loudly. “True. The only option left is to get new friends then.”

“Probably best. Can I get in on that?” Alec asked, kicking his shoes off and getting comfortable.

Magnus chuckled. “So is Jace being insufferable, then? I warned Clary he was coming back to town. She won’t admit it but part of her is still waiting for him to come back around.”

Alec rolled his eyes, rubbing his forehead. “This is a job for Izzy,” he said.

He could practically hear the pitying smile in Magnus’ voice. “Unfortunately, you’re the only one there to handle it.”

“I’m not a good matchmaker,” Alec pouted.

“You don’t have to matchmake, only snap some sense into your dear brother.”

Alec snorted. “Easier said than done.”

They lapsed into silence for a moment. Alec closed his eyes, easing his lingering exhaustion, letting Magnus’ presence on the phone soothe him. His mind was still filled with their last two weeks together and he hated that they were over. He so badly wanted to be in Magnus’ apartment, in Magnus’ bed, curled up with Chairman Meow, Magnus warm beside him. In comparison, his own bed seemed cold and lonely.

“How’s New York?”

Alec breathed out deeply, sitting up and pulling at a loose thread in his dark comforter. “Same old,” he said, glancing out his window. He had missed New York, of course. No matter where else he was, for however long, New York would always be home. Yet… “Too far from L.A.,” he added softly.

Magnus laughed, the sound pulling at Alec’s heart. He knew there were more important things in the world, like their careers. He knew they were lucky they’d had the last two weeks. It was just; two weeks didn’t seem like as much when they were on the far end of it.

“I couldn’t agree with you more,” Magnus whispered.

Alec’s heart skipped stupidly, a grin spreading across his face despite feeling every mile between them far too clearly.

Alec knew he should hang up, Magnus had things to do and Alec needed to shower before meeting his parents for dinner but he didn’t want to. Somehow, hanging up the phone suddenly seemed impossibly harder than saying goodbye to Magnus that morning had been. He was so busy then, reminding himself that it wasn’t forever, just for a bit. That was harder to remember with more than half a dozen states between them. When he closed his eyes, all he could see was Magnus smiling at him softly as he looked back before leaving. _Fuck._ Alec always forgot how much he hated leaving.

“You should get back,” Alec finally muttered, hoping Magnus would be strong enough to hang up.

“Yeah,” Magnus said after a moment before falling silent once more.

Alec bit his tongue on a smile. Even when he was pinning and missing Magnus, it was impossible for those feelings to linger when he was talking to Magnus, even if he couldn’t currently see or hold him like he wanted. He stayed silent, listening to Magnus breath on the other end of the phone, briefly content to just know Magnus was on the other side of the country, thinking about him.

Finally, he whispered, “I miss you.”

He heard Magnus breathing out deeply, followed by a small laugh. “I miss you too.”

***

Magnus had trouble sleeping that night, even with the Chairman curled close, both were missing the third body in the bed. Magnus had forgotten how comforting it was to have someone sleeping in the same bed as you. And he loved his cat more than life itself but Chairman wasn’t quite as good at cuddling as Alec. Therefore, most of the night was spent tossing and turning, both Magnus and Chairman Meow grumbling off and on.

When he finally slept, it was fitfully and too short, having to get up early to hit the gym before going over to the studio to finish the song. Magnus checked his phone. He grinned, heart skipping when he found a text from Alec.

 **Light(wood) of my life:** Good morning, sunshine. Hope you slept well. Call me when you’re free. <3

Magnus shook his head, crawling out of bed. His boyfriend was a sap. Magnus called him on the way to the gym. He was also a sap.

***

Alec was very aware of how pathetic he was and how addicted to his phone he’d been since getting back to New York two days before. They had a few promotional things to do and he was preparing for an important audition but he also had way too much free time. He’d prefer zero free time. Then there wasn’t as much time for pining. Which he was doing. Basically every second of the day.

He endured Izzy’s teasing over text; Jace and Lydia’s in person, knowing he couldn’t really defend himself because he was, as Jace put it, whipped. And pining. Desperately. He was pathetic. Hopelessly so.

“You two are so adorable,” Clary teased over lunch that day.

Alec glanced up, slipping his phone away and glaring at the redhead, who merely shrugged. “You’re grinning down at your phone, not hearing a word I say, I get to call you adorable,” she grinned before growing serious. “So, it’s going well?”

Alec sighed, but he couldn’t stop the smile crossing his face as he nodded, sipping his water. “Yeah.”

Clary smiled softly. “I’m happy for you guys,” she said. “You deserve it. I always knew you’d eventually figure things out. I mean, you’ve practically been in love since the moment you met.”

Alec bit back a smile, shaking his head and staring down at the menu, not denying it.

“We were all shocked when you broke up,” Clary continued.

Alec cleared his throat, taking another sip of water. He wondered if there would ever be a time where the breakup wouldn’t be a sore subject that made him feel as if he were being stabbed in the heart.

Clary reached out, reaching out and squeezing his hand. “I know you don’t like to talk about it but, I’m just saying, we’re all happy for you guys,” she said, her grin growing wider suddenly. “And, also, get a move on because we have a bet going on when you’re going to get engaged. Mind you, we had to start a new one since you ruined the one from before with your breakup. We spent that money on a consolation dinner. You guys weren’t the only ones destroyed back then.”

“Gee, thanks,” Alec muttered, laughing humorlessly, shifting uncomfortably. He looked around, wishing the waitress would come take their order already. They were at an expensive place that Alec had to force Clary to come to, treating her since he’d missed her birthday a few months before. He cleared his throat, “Yeah, well. What about you?”

Clary’s gaze dropped down to her menu, turning sour. She shrugged. “I’ve been good. Art school is great, everything I always thought it would be. I miss L.A. though, I’m not used to New York as much anymore.”

Alec nodded, humming thoughtfully though they both knew that wasn’t what he meant. The waitress came over then and they ordered. Once she was gone, Clary sighed. She took a sip of water before sitting up straight.

“He wanted you to ask about me, right?” she asked, not batting an eye when Alec nodded. Jace had been hounding him since they landed.

Alec offered an apologetic smile. “But I promise, I wanted to take you to lunch to hang out, not just because of my idiot brother.”

Clary smiled. “I know.”

Despite a rocky start to their friendship, Alec did consider Clary a close friend these days. “We don’t have to talk about him,” he said.

Clary sighed again, staring down at her hands on the dark table. “Do you know how long I’ve been in love with Jace?” she asked, not waiting for a response. “Too long. I — I still am but I don’t know that I want to be. I’m not…going back there. Unless he can prove he’s changed and even then…”

Alec just nodded, the one to squeeze her hand this time. “I understand.”

“I know you do Alec, I’m just not sure I do.” She rolled her eyes, blowing her hair out of her face. “And I’m seeing someone. It’s not… overly serious. Actually, I don’t like him much at all but I want to move on with life. Anyway.” Clary shook her head, shaking her shoulders out. “Let’s talk about something happy. Like you and Magnus,” she smirked.

Alec rolled his eyes.

“You’re in love, aren’t you?” she teased.

“Shut up.”

Clary only grinned wider. “You’re pathetic, you know? It’s written all over your face. Here, let me take a pic for Izzy.”

Alec lunged forward, blocking her phone from taking a picture. Once he’d taken her phone from her, lunch passed quickly, filled with laughter as they caught up. Alec didn’t ask any more questions on Jace’s behalf and Clary only teased him a little when Magnus called in the middle of lunch and Alec reached for his phone so fast he almost dropped it.

***

Only a few days after Alec left, Magnus had a surprise intimate concert on the beach. It was one of the things they did when gearing up to promote the album, small, intimate performances to build hype. Magnus loved playing on the beach as the sun set over the ocean, just him and his band. It gave him a chance to play with some of his new songs, fans sitting in the sand, the soft sound of waves crashing in the background perfectly setting the mood as tiki lights lit the small stage.

Magnus sat center stage where it was easy enough for everyone in the crowd to see, talking to the crowd and playing his favorite way on an acoustic guitar. The stars shone brightly by the last song of the night. The only way it could’ve been better was if Alec were there.

Magnus could see Isabelle standing off to the side, she’d been dancing with Simon throughout the night but, for the last song — which was Magnus’ newest, written about Alec — she paused, phone held high to record it.

“This last one,” Magnus said, addressing the crowd, trying not to stare directly at Isabelle, knowing she would send the video to Alec. “Is something I just recently wrote,” Magnus said, strumming his guitar idly as he talked, something he hardly ever noticed he was doing. “And it’s about… Well, love.” Magnus paused, smiling as the crowd cheered. “And…second chances. And how, sometimes, things don’t work out the first time but that doesn’t mean it isn’t worth trying again,” Magnus gave up pretending he wasn’t addressing Isabelle’s camera, barely noticing her wide grin. “This song is for Alec,” he said simply, letting his fans scream for a moment before nodding to the band to start.

Luckily, on top of making a cute video for his boyfriend, this would appease Magnus’ record company and Catarina, as more phones than ever were raised in the air to record this last song. Magnus smiled to himself, staring down at the guitar as he started to sing before looking up again, straight at Isabelle’s raised camera before focusing back on the crowd. It was his first time playing it for anyone but Ragnor or Alec and fuck if Ragnor wasn’t right about the rewrite of the chorus.

After the concert, Magnus stuck around, signing posters until he couldn’t feel his hand and Luke stepped up, insisting it was time to leave. By the time Magnus got back to his apartment, showered and changed, he was ready to pass out. Falling into bed, he pulled up his messages, ignoring most in favor of Alec’s.

 **Light(wood) of my life:** I love when you dedicate songs to me.

 **Light(wood) of my life:** I wish I could’ve been there.

Magnus sighed, heart hurting. This wasn’t like before, when they could never be there for each other because it was a secret, but this still sucked. He knew Alec would’ve been there if he could, he just hated that they had to be so far apart, suddenly longing for busy New York streets and a quiet little apartment he’d barely stepped foot in in two years.

 **Glittery Bane of my Existence:** me too.

 **Glittery Bane of my Existence:** Run away with me?

Barely a minute passed before Alec’s reply came.

 **Light(wood) of my life:** Just say when and where.

Magnus grinned, heart feeling close to bursting.

 **Glittery Bane of my Existence:** Paris. Tomorrow.

 **Light(wood) of my life:** meet you there

“We’re pathetic, Chairman,” Magnus said as the cat curled up next to him. Magnus turned over, burying his head in his pillows, still smiling widely as he drifted off to sleep.

***

“Okay, I’m just going to say it,” Magnus said by way of answer the next night when Alec called. Alec stood on his balcony, Jace inside, eating enough food to ruin the diet they’d been on, watching cartoons. Alec stared out over New York, heart beating slow and steady, content now that he’d heard Magnus’ voice. “We’re pathetic. It hasn’t even been a week but I’m needy. I miss you.”

Alec leaned against the balcony railing, staring straight up at the sky. It was so much harder to see stars in New York. He wondered if Magnus was on his balcony, it was late enough for the stars to be out there too, for them to be looking up at the same sky, at the same time, hundreds of miles apart.

“I, too, am needy,” Alec admitted quietly. “I miss you.”

Magnus let out a deep breath, loud enough for Alec to clearly hear. “Good.”

“Good?” Alec teased.

“Yes, good,” Magnus said and now Alec could hear the grin in his voice, making him perk up. “Because I have a proposition for you.”

“Please do go on.”

***

That week had been a blur of finishing up the single, the second single off the album dropping and a whirlwind of rehearsals and promo things, leading up to Magnus’ appearance on one of the most popular late night shows, Friday night. He’d managed to talk to Alec every day at least for a few minutes, along with exchanging texts complaining about their various responsibilities. And, of course, come up with a genius plan to see him soon like his pining heart demanded.

Magnus looked amazing that night if he did say so himself, in black and dark green with silver jewelry and a bright blue streak in his hair. His makeup was dark and sexy, done by Maia. He made sure to send Alec a preview of his outfit.

There was a short interview before his performance of the newest single which was a loud, fun dance song. He’d also be revealing the cover and title of the new album, something that had him feeling giddy as he always did at this point in the process as the album became a real, tangible thing he’d soon get to share with his fans.

The interview was basic, Magnus answering questions about the new album, how it compared to MAGIC. His upcoming tour, how this affected his new relationship. Most questions about Alec, Magnus skillfully ignored, talking around them without really answering. Now that this was real, he found he wasn’t in a big hurry to talk about it with half the world. He much preferred their little bubble of solitude.

“Well, alright then,” the interviewer finally said, rubbing his hands together. “I believe we have the album cover and title to reveal real fast before you perform your new song?”

“Yes,” Magnus grinned, sitting up straighter. “The title is something we only just figured out and I just saw the cover yesterday.”

“So, the album will be called?”

Magnus grinned, this was a big deal to him. It’d seemed perfect, not just because of what it meant to him personally, but because of how MAGIC complemented this new album. It seemed right to name the album after the song he’d written for Alec, all about their second chance when MAGIC had been about everything else. “Redo” also perfectly explained this album which, in a way, was Magnus starting over, going back to his roots.

***

Alec watched the interview that night, staying up just to see it though he didn’t watch late night shows often. He lost his breath when Magnus came out on stage and then all over again when they showed the album cover on the big screen in the background. It was a close up of Magnus’ profile, all dark, harsh lines, and glowing eyes. It was stunning, to say the least. Alec hadn’t known about the title, Magnus keeping it quiet. But it made sense, Magnus named all his albums after a song on it.

When Magnus performed his newest song (called Midnight Magic) Alec’s eyes were locked on the screen, following Magnus’ every movement. He’d never get tired of seeing Magnus perform.

Afterward, he texted Magnus a quick “you looked good” before attempting to sleep. He was meeting Lydia at the gym first thing in the morning and they had a charity event that night they were going to.

Lying in bed, Alec looked over as his phone buzzed.

 **Glittery Bane of my Existence:** “good” that’s the best you’ve got?

Alec rolled his eyes, replying quickly.

 **Light(wood) of my life:** you looked hot. Better?

 **Glittery Bane of my Existence:** yes.

 **Glittery Bane of my Existence:** shouldn’t you be sleeping, darling?

Alec smiled, biting his lip.

 **Light(wood) of my life:** I am. Just talking in my sleep.

 **Glittery Bane of my Existence:** Goodnight Alexander. See you in two days.

Alec smiled, heart skipping as he rolled over in bed, quickly falling asleep but only after changing Magnus’ name in his phone.

When he woke up it was to a picture of Magnus lying in bed with Chairman Meow

 **Glittery Love of my Life:** don’t worry, he doesn’t miss you.

***

Before Magnus knew it, a week had passed. The days slipping by one by one, endless and unforgiving. Isabelle and Simon moved out quicker than thought. Raphael teased Magnus for moping about and Magnus distracted himself by going over plans for the tour as dates were already being set and he still had a million things to do. Everything was happening quickly now, leaving little time to mope and pine, which just annoyed him even more.

Magnus wasn’t ashamed to admit that he’d desperately missed Alec from the moment he left for New York. For two years, Magnus hadn’t allowed himself to admit he missed Alec, to admit he was terrified he’d never met someone like Alec again, never love someone the way he loved Alec. And now, finally, Alec was his again and — and Magnus wanted to be stupid and selfish and he wanted to see his boyfriend, damn it.

When Luke had suggested having Alec star in the new music video, after talking to Catarina who talked to Hodge, who all agreed it’d be good to keep the fans interested in their relationship (something that was slowly starting to annoy Magnus, this was their lives now, not just some stupid publicity stunt). Magnus had, of course, jumped at idea just for the chance to see Alec again.

So here he was, pacing through the apartment just over a week and a half after Alec left, waiting for his plane to arrive. It was early in the morning, they’d be shooting that night to keep to Alec’s schedule back in New York. Luke had refused to let Magnus pick Alec up at the airport himself. It was times like these that Magnus hated being famous.

Magnus glanced at the clock as he paced through the kitchen. 4:30 AM. Alec’s plane wasn’t supposed to land for another forty-five minutes. Sighing, Magnus turned, forcing himself to go upstairs and shower and dress for the day. He wasn’t so needy that he would count down minutes until Alec arrived. At least, that’s what he told himself, pretending he wasn’t counting minutes.

Magnus smiled while doing his makeup, shaking his head slowly. He was pathetic and he didn’t even care if he were honest. He couldn’t remember how they did this before, survived the days and weeks apart, it was practically torture.

Magnus didn’t hear the knock on the front door that Raphael answered, nor the footsteps on the stairs up to his room. He did, however, hear the soft, “hey,” as someone leaned against the bathroom doorway.

Magnus froze, heartbeat slowing before taking off in a race when Magnus glanced up, catching sight of Alec’s reflection in the mirror. His hair was adorably messy, telling Magnus he’d slept on the plane. His eyes shining as his mouth quirked up in a half smile. Dressed in his normal black shirt and leather jacket.

“You’re early,” Magnus said when he finally found his voice. The world had paused but now ran along as fast as ever. His pulse thrummed quickly as he focused back on his own reflection, finishing lining his eyes.

Alec stepped into the room behind him, moving close to rest his hands on Magnus’ hips. Magnus shivered. “Sorry?” Alec asked, a teasing glint in his eyes as he stared at Magnus’ reflection over his shoulder.

Magnus shrugged his shoulders lazily. “I guess I forgive you,” he said flatly before dropping his calm act. He quickly turned to face Alec, staring into his eyes for a minute before smashing their lips together.

Alec’s arms moved around him, holding him close as their mouths crashed together, desperate and needy. Magnus’ back pushed up against the sink, his hands fisted in Alec’s shirt, heart racing.

“Missed you,” Magnus whispered between kisses, slipping his hands up around Alec’s neck.

Alec pulled back, trailing kisses down across Magnus’ jaw to his neck. “Missed you too,” Alec said. The words, coupled with the feeling of Alec’s mouth on his neck, made Magnus shiver again.

Magnus ducked his head, nuzzling into Alec’s shoulder, arms moving down, pulling Alec into a tight hug as his heart beat evened out again. Magnus hid a grin in Alec’s shoulder, feeling him press a light kiss to his temple.

“I’m glad you’re here,” he whispered, makeup forgotten, not caring that they were having this sweet, intimate moment in the bathroom.

“Me too,” Alec whispered back, tightening his arms around Magnus whose heart felt lighter already.

***

Alec would’ve rearranged his whole schedule for this, if needed, anything to see Magnus, even if it was only another two days. Luckily, he’d had a lull in his schedule that lined up perfectly with Magnus’. Alec had been thanking the universe since Magnus first brought it up. Plus, it made Hodge happy because what could make their fans even more happy to “ship” them — as Magnus put it — than a romantic music video starring Alec as Magnus’ love interest?

They’d intended to go to breakfast but somehow ended up in Magnus’ bed, talking between lazy kisses. Interrupted as Chairman Meow came running into the room, jumping on the bed to rub against Alec.

“I give him everything,” Magnus sighed, watching Alec as he picked up the Chairman, cuddling him against his chest. “He wants for nothing and yet, he loves you more than me.”

Alec laughed, running his fingers through Chairman Meow’s soft fur, the small cat purring in his arms as Alec leaned back against Magnus, who was propped against the headboard.

“You know what they say,” Alec muttered, staring down into the Chairman’s beautiful eyes. “Distance makes the heart grow fonder.”

“They’re idiots,” Magnus grumbled.

Alec said nothing as Magnus kissed along his neck, distracting him from the Chairman, who eventually ran off with an affronted meow.

“We should probably get lunch,” Alec said a few minutes later, glancing at the clock as Magnus kissed along his collarbone. He didn’t remember exactly how they ended up in this position, Alec laying on his back, Magnus straddling him, kissing him softly in a way that made Alec’s heart physically ache in the best way possible. He also didn’t know how so many hours had passed already.

“Probably,” Magnus muttered, trailing his lips back up to Alec’s, kissing him deeply and making him forget his perfectly reasonable reasons for leaving bed. Why would he want to leave bed, he wondered idly, kissing Magnus back, pouring everything he was feeling into the kiss that quickly grew heated. Everything he didn’t want to say out loud, that he couldn’t say, not yet, was poured into the kiss. Letting Magnus’ lips erase the last few weeks, make him forget that they had less than forty-eight hours together now.

When Magnus pulled back suddenly, disappearing from the bed before Alec could even open his eyes, Alec whimpered pathetically. “Where are you going?” he asked, rolling over in bed, watching Magnus grabbing his shoes while throwing Alec his shirt and jacket that he now couldn’t remember taking off.

“You said you were hungry,” Magnus teased. “Shouldn’t we get something to eat.”

Alec pouted even as his stomach growled. It’d been over twelve hours since he last ate and that was just a piece of pizza he stole from Jace on his way out the door. “I’m good,” he said, reaching out for Magnus as he walked past the bed. “Not hungry.”

Magnus raised an eyebrow, sitting on the edge of the bed. “Oh really?” he asked, leaning close until his breath ghosted over Alec’s skin.

Alec shook his head, eyes closing long before their lips even touched. He sighed into the kiss. Unfortunately, before he could deepen the kiss, his stomach growled again. Magnus pulled away with a laugh, grabbing Alec’s hand and dragging him out of bed behind him.

“Come on, let’s feed you,” Magnus laughed before freezing Alec with a heated look as he chewed his bottom lip. Magnus smirked, leaning in close so his breath tickled Alec’s ear. “Besides, I think we both know if we don’t get up now, we won’t be leaving bed all day.”

Alec groaned as Magnus pulled away, laughing at Alec’s reaction. Alec couldn’t bring himself to complain, though, slipping his shirt back on with a smirk before leaning in to press a soft kiss to Magnus’ lips. He honestly didn’t care about anything in that moment besides keeping Magnus close.

***

“I was promised that you would feed me,” Alec teased as their food was delivered.

Magnus threw his head back, laughing. They were squished together in a small booth at Magnus’ favorite diner. In a back corner where they only got a few lingering looks that he hardly noticed.

“I’m serious,” Alec said, gesturing to his plate.

Reaching out, Magnus grabbed a fry from Alec’s plate, holding it up to his lips while smirking.

“This would be adorable if I wasn’t watching,” Isabelle said from the other side of the table.

“I think I am going to be sick,” Raphael added.

Magnus flipped him off without looking, leaning in to kiss Alec lightly before turning to his own plate.

“No offense, big brother,” Isabelle said, chewing a fry thoughtfully. “But I’ve never been so glad that you’re leaving the day after tomorrow.”

Alec snorted, shaking his head. “Hey, if I have to see you with Simon, you can deal with this,” he said, reaching out for Magnus’ hand.

Magnus smiled happily, eating with his free hand. It was almost scary, how quickly everything became better with Alec around. It wasn’t that it wasn’t good before, just that everything was better with Alec around. Magnus’ heart felt like it was soaring. There were no words for it, the way a smile came so easily to his face, the way his blood hummed. Almost scary but not quite, Magnus thought, turning to look at Alec as he bickered with Isabelle. The fear lessened day by day until Magnus could barely remember why it’d ever been there. Their past didn’t matter so much anymore, not nearly as much as their future.

“Okay, well, no locking yourselves away this time,” Isabelle was saying. “Tonight, after the shoot, you’re coming out with us.”

Magnus opened his mouth to protest but Raphael cut him off. “Or we strike.”

Magnus pouted but nodded. “Fine.”

***

Once they arrived at the empty warehouse where they were shooting, Luke pulled Magnus away, taking him to get ready and directing Alec in another direction.

“I knew hiring you was a bad idea,” Magnus told Luke dramatically. “Tearing us apart moments after we’re back together.”

Alec bit back a smile, trying to keep his face blank of the horribly smitten look he knew he’d been wearing since his plane landed that morning.

Luke didn’t respond, merely giving Magnus a look that made him sigh. He glanced back over his shoulder, winking at Alec.

Alec followed a stage manager into a dressing room where a pair of dark, tight jeans and a blue button up waited for him. He was surprised when Maia came in to do his hair and makeup, talking fast and friendly as ever.

Magnus had already walked him through the whole video where he basically just had to stand around, look pretty and stare at Magnus with a longing expression as his boyfriend put it. Alec was fairly sure he didn’t need any acting skills whatsoever to pull that off.

When Alec was ready, he moved to the main area of the warehouse where they’d be shooting. The empty warehouse had been turned into a dimly lit rave, filled with extras dressed in shimmering, bright colors, most covered in glitter.

“This is a fun song,” Magnus had told him over the phone. “That moment you see someone and think, not love at first sight but…this could be fun. So, you’ll be the — not love interest more…lust interest. All you have to do is stand there and look pretty.”

Alec turned when he heard someone clear their throat behind him to see Magnus standing next to Jem, whom Alec already knew was directing the video.

“I’m just not sure he’s pretty enough,” Jem was saying, staring right at Alec. “I mean, we do want this video to be a hit. Does he have any acting skills whatsoever? To make up for his…everything?”

Alec rolled his eyes when Magnus pursed his lips, considering Alec. “Not really. What do you think, should we find someone else?”

“Ha. Ha,” Alec said, striding towards Magnus as Jem laughed and wandered off. “You couldn’t replace me if you tried.”

Magnus sighed. “Alas, you’re right. I have tried.”

Alec snorted, letting his eyes drop, devouring Magnus’ appearance. He wore tight pants that left nothing to the imagination, feet oddly bare, and a loose, shimmering, dark red blouse with half the buttons undone, leaving so much bare skin glinting enticingly that Alec’s mind went blank. He wore his normal necklaces of varying length, his makeup more pronounced than usual, new blond streaks in his hair. Alec was finding it increasingly hard to remember why he’d wanted to hold off on having sex.

“Stop looking at me like that,” Magnus teased, but his voice was low and slightly hoarse.

Alec licked his lips. “Like what?”

Magnus rolled his eyes. “Like you wish there was a bed nearby that you could throw me down on.”

Alec chuckled. Moving closer without noticing, he rested his hands on Magnus’ hips. Magnus’ hands slipped around his neck, eyes shining as he smiled the soft smile that relaxed his whole face, all teasing pushed aside, the kind of smile Magnus only wore when they were alone.

“You look good,” Alec whispered against Magnus’ lips.

Magnus turned his head, making Alec’s lips brush his cheek instead of his lips.

“I know,” Magnus smirked.

Alec nuzzled against his cheek, holding back a smile. “And me?” he prompted.

“Look as stunning as ever, my darling,” Magnus whispered, moving to bring their lips together.

“Enough of this!” Jem called suddenly. Alec tried to jerk back but Magnus held him in place, looking into his eyes for a moment before kissing him lightly. “Let’s get started, people. Time is money!”

***

Magnus had underestimated just how much fun it was to film a music video with Alec. Magnus always enjoyed doing videos but this was better than ever, the looks Alec kept sending him, making funny faces when the camera wasn’t on him, like he was daring Magnus to break and laugh — which Magnus didn’t, not even when he made an exaggerated come-hither gesture. Magnus was a professional, thank you very little.

Then there were the all too serious, smoldering looks he leveled at Magnus, playing his part of admirer far too well. The lights were low, fog covering their feet in the makeshift club as Magnus and Alec spotted each other across the room. Magnus sang about that moment of connection, about past heart ache being forgotten as he danced through the crowded room, Alec’s eyes tracking him the whole time.

Magnus fought a shiver as they slowly made their way to each other, meeting in the middle of the room, Alec’s enticing gaze never wavering as they circled each other, not quite touching. Alec’s eyes shined and Magnus fought not to slip into them and forget what exactly he was supposed to be doing.

“And cut!” Jem called.

Magnus breathed out, fighting a grin as Alec continued to stare at him, eyes narrowing, sexy smirk taking over his face.

“I couldn’t help but notice you staring at me from across the room,” Alec said, stepping in closer, one arm looping behind Magnus, bringing him closer as the other lightly brushed his face.

“I wasn’t looking at you,” Magnus teased, inclining his head to where a tall blond woman stood.

Alec snorted, leaning their foreheads together as Magnus rested his hands on Alec’s chest. Because of Jem’s schedule, they only shot part of the video, the part inside the warehouse, done within a few hours. They’d film on the beach tomorrow, leaving Magnus the night to spend with Alec. Not like _that_ , Magnus told himself firmly.

“Fine,” Magnus sighed. “I was looking at you, but only because you have a really nice ass.”

Alec rolled his eyes, leaning in to kiss him. Just before their lips touched, Isabelle appeared next to them, sighing loudly. “You’d think you were two horny teenagers with the way you can’t keep your hands off each other.”

Magnus let his head fall on Alec’s shoulder, resisting the urge to tell Isabelle to go away, overly aware of the fact that she was right. But there was a perfectly good reason for that, he thought, considering they’d been apart for over two years and oh yeah, they’d barely done anything but kiss since getting back together. Which Magnus was fine with. He did want to take things slowly but he was more sure of this, of them, by the day so excuse him for being a little handsy.

“Come on, we’re going out for drinks!” Isabelle demanded, grabbing Magnus’ arm and pulling him away from Alec.

Magnus reached out for Alec. “Save me,” he called dramatically, heart skipping when Alec laughed, falling into step behind him.

***

“Come on, darling,” Magnus teased, leaning against his pool cue. “You can do better than that.”

Alec ignored Magnus, knowing he was just trying to distract him like he did every time they played pool — or any game for that matter, even Mario Kart. He’d hustled Alec, the first time they played pool. Pretending not to know how and then wiping the floor with him a few minutes later.

Alec was currently about to win, all he had to do was get the eight-ball in. Just as he was leaning over to aim, Magnus rounded the table, stepping close.

“You look good,” he whispered, running a light hand over Alec’s back. “Bent over like that.”

Alec snorted just as he hit the cue ball, completely missing the eight ball.

“Oops,” Magnus laughed. “Was that my fault?”

Alec turned with a glare that melted the second he saw the wide, unhindered smile on Magnus’ face. “You’re such a cheater,” Alec whispered, stepping closer to kiss Magnus, who pulled away before he could.

“You’re the cheater,” Magnus whispered. “Trying to distract me with kisses.”

Alec shook his head slowly, glaring.

Magnus walked back around the table, taking careful aim. Alec considered attempting to distract him but held back, knowing just how cute Magnus got when he won and got to gloat. Which he did, not even thirty seconds later.

“What do I get for winning?” Magnus asked after finishing his victory dance, taking a drink of his martini before pulling Alec close by his shirt. Alec shivered as Magnus’ hands slid down his stomach to rest at his hips.

“A kiss?” Alec suggested, tilting Magnus’ head up and locking their lips together. Magnus sighed into the kiss and Alec couldn’t even bring himself to care that Magnus tasted like martini.

“What’s my consolation prize?” Alec asked, pulling back after a minute.

Magnus leaned in again, their lips just touching before he pulled away with a laugh. “No consolation prize,” he called over his shoulder, heading back to the table where Isabelle, Simon, Raphael, and Ragnor waited.

“Rude,” Alec called, following him.

The night passed too quickly though Alec did his best to make it last. They were in some weird cowboy bar that played loud country music Magnus forced Alec to dance to after a few drinks. Leading Alec in a fast jig Alec had no idea where Magnus had learned, as Isabelle cackled, filming them in the background. When a slower country song came on, Magnus turned to go back to the table and Alec caught his hand, pulling him back in close even as their friends wolf whistled, Izzy’s loud “awww” easily reaching them across the room.

Alec flipped them off, holding Magnus closer, more gently swaying than actual dancing.

“Have I mentioned that I’m glad you’re here?” Magnus whispered in the air between them.

Alec smiled softly, nodding slowly. “I do believe you have.”

“Good,” Magnus said, leaning his head on Alec’s shoulder and kissing his neck. “Because I am.”

“Me too,” Alec whispered back. The show was long forgotten as were all his responsibilities back in New York, he suddenly had no idea how he’d forced himself to leave Magnus. He hated leaving Magnus.

They remained right where they were even as the song changed.

“Get your sappy asses back here!” Isabelle shouted a few minutes later.

Magnus turned towards her, taking Alec’s hand as he started walking. “Just because we make a more disgustingly adorable couple than you and Sheldon doesn’t mean you have to continually ruin our moments. I could fire you, you know?”

Isabelle gasped, holding a hand over her heart. “You would never.”

Alec missed the next part of the conversation, his mind stuck on one thing that should’ve been glaringly obvious but just then clicked in his mind. Magnus had called them a couple. They were a couple. They were really doing this. It wasn’t just _trying_ anymore. Alec didn’t know when it’d changed but it clearly had. There was no tentatively trying to fit together, no feeling it out to see if a relationship could work. They were in a relationship.

Alec came out of his thoughts as Isabelle took a picture of him.

Clearing his throat, his sipped his drink, frowning at her. “What was that for?”

“I want to make Jace sick, I think the sappy grin on your face will suffice,” she replied with a smirk.

Alec rolled his eyes but sure enough, a moment later his phone buzzed. A one-word text from Jace: barf.

A few minutes later, Isabelle shooed Simon away, announcing she was getting another round of drinks and pulling Alec with her to the bar. Leaning against the bar, she turned to Alec, a soft look on her face.

“Are you happy, Alec?” she asked.

Alec didn’t hesitate, glancing back over his shoulder as Magnus danced his way to the jukebox, shouting to Raphael that he was going to play his favorite song. Alec wasn’t aware of the smile on his face when he turned back to Izzy. “Yes.”

Isabelle grinned, suddenly lunging forward to bring him into a tight hug. “I love you, Alec,” she said. “And I’m so happy you’re happy. And I’m proud of you.”

Alec frowned. “What for?”

Isabelle grabbed his hand, squeezing it, her eyes shining. “For everything. For not being scared anymore. I know you were scared last time. For coming out even when it wasn’t your choice but not backing down, not hiding anymore. For choosing love, and fighting for it.”

Alec was tempted to roll his eyes but the moment felt too important for that. Isabelle had been there for him, forever. But especially after the breakup, when Alec didn’t know what to do with himself. For the whole two years Alec hadn't known what to do with himself. Never asking questions she knew he didn’t want to answer; hopping a plane the second he called and said he needed her. She was his favorite person in the world and, looking back at the table where Magnus was now trying to coax Simon onto the dance floor, Alec couldn’t help but feel like they were looking at their futures, laid out before them.

Swallowing dryly, Alec pulling Izzy in for a tight hug. “Thanks, Iz. And I’m happy you’re happy.”

Their drinks were placed before them as Alec glanced back at Simon. “But I’ll kill him if he hurts you.”

“Likewise,” Izzy grinned, raising her shot in a toast.

***

The next day passed too quickly for Magnus’ liking. They stayed in bed as long as they could and Magnus thought that he would never get tired of waking up next to Alec. They had lunch with Isabelle and Simon and then finished shooting the video on the beach which took longer than planned after a minor disaster – Magnus couldn’t complain about that too much though, as he and Alec got to cuddle in the sand while Jem got things under control.

They didn’t sleep that night, curled on the couch after cooking, watching a movie, and getting ice cream at three A.M. They were both tired but Magnus refused to waste any of their last few hours together doing something as mundane as sleeping. As the clock insistently grew closer and closer to five A.M., they sat curled close, looking through pictures with Chairman Meow half on Alec, half on Magnus.

“Aw, look, you were so in love with me here,” Magnus teased, picking up another picture to pretend they both didn’t know Alec had to leave soon. This one was from a music festival Alec and Jace had attended where Magnus was performing, one of the first times Isabelle danced with him. In the picture, they were all spread out on the grass, relaxing and watching some other performance. Magnus was stretched out with his head in Clary’s lap, Alec sat across their little circle from him and even though this was taken before they’d ever even kissed, he was looking right at Magnus, a small smile on his face.

“Shut up,” Alec mumbled, flushing slightly.

“You didn’t deny it,” Magnus teased, leaning up to kiss Alec’s cheek before pulling out more pictures. Isabelle had left the box for them, apparently finding it when she was packing.

Reaching out, Alec snatched one before Magnus could see it. Magnus frowned, turning to look at him.

“Now who’s so in love with whom?” he teased, presenting the picture.

“Look at my hair,” Magnus groaned, snatching the picture back. “I’m not even wearing makeup!”

“Nope,” Alec said, grabbing the picture back. “You aren’t getting out of this, look at that, clearly in love with me.”

Magnus bit his lip, keeping his eyes firmly locked on the picture even as he thought, yup, clearly in love with you.

Magnus blinked, focusing on the picture. It was taken on tour, backstage in his dressing room. He, Alec, Raphael, Ragnor, Isabelle, Clary and even Jace were in a loose half circle, arms thrown over shoulders. Magnus could vaguely remember Luke snapping the picture at the first tour stop that year. But Magnus’ gaze in the picture was firmly locked on Alec who was mid laugh at something Jace had said. Magnus was in his purple robe that said his name in flashy letters on the back, hair a mess, barefaced and undeniably smitten.

“That was the night we first kissed,” he said softly.

Alec froze, looking up from another stack of pictures. “It was, wasn’t it?”

Magnus nodded, turning around completely, making Chairman hiss and run off. Moving the box of pictures to the side, Magnus sat in Alec’s lap, wasting no time before leaning in and capturing his lips.

God, he thought, I don’t want you to go.

***

It was harder to leave this time. Alec was exhausted from the last two days, from jet lag and barely sleeping, but still wide awake as he said goodbye to Magnus. Maybe those weren’t the right words because he refused to actually say it. He’d rather pretend he was just leaving for a minute, stepping out to go to the store, not across the country.

“This was a terrible idea,” Magnus said, standing in his open doorway, holding Alec’s hand. “Two days isn’t nearly enough.”

Alec laughed, shaking his head, but he’d been thinking the same thing. Giving in and coming back for two days just made him more aware of what he’d been missing and just how much he wanted Magnus, all of him, all the time. “Horrible, really,” he agreed, their gazes locked, making Alec feel as if he was on fire on the inside.

Magnus nodded, leaning in to kiss Alec’s cheek before pulling away again.

Luke had offered to drive Alec and went to pull the car around, giving them a few moments. Alec stared down at their clasped hands, unable to look at Magnus, who looked soft and inviting, face bare of makeup, dressed in a hoodie and sweats, hair falling in his face.

“Terrible idea,” Magnus repeated, gaze burning into Alec. “I already miss you.”

Alec looked up then, tugging Magnus close without another word and wrapping him in a tight hug. Fuck, how could he ever think this was easy? It’d all been happening so fast again, just like the first time. Erasing the last two years until he couldn’t remember how he’d survived without Magnus for so long. It was hard to breathe as he buried his face in Magnus’ shoulder, Magnus’ fists tightening their hold on his shirt.

Alec could feel Magnus take a deep breath, letting it out slowly as he pulled back. He offered a small, crooked smile that pulled at Alec’s heart. “It won’t be for that long,” Magnus whispered part reassurance, part desperate hope.

Alec took his own deep breath, steeling himself as he nodded. “We’ll talk a lot,” he added.

“Skype.”

“Send carrier pigeons.”

Magnus rolled his eyes, laughing before fisting his hand in Alec’s shirt and tugging him close again. “Kiss me,” he whispered. Alec didn’t hesitate.

***

The next two weeks were torture. Okay, not torture, but they could’ve been better. During the day, everything was fine, Magnus was busy, he had a full life, responsibilities, a million and one things to do. But he missed Alec, and he was reminded of that every night. It was all great fun to tease and joke about running away and talking and FaceTiming and texting helped, but it wasn’t the same as being in the same place, as falling asleep next to each other and waking up next to each other.

But this was reality, Magnus had to remind himself again and again. It wouldn’t always be perfect and that was something they’d just have to deal with, something that was true of every relationship. Still, Magnus was surer than ever that he wanted to be with Alec. Helpless pining and aching heart and all.

Magnus woke late one Friday night with his phone ringing insistently. Recognizing Alec’s ringtone, he sat up quickly, grabbing the phone.

“Alexander, is everything alright?” Magnus asked, heart racing as he checked the time. It was just past midnight meaning early morning in New York.

“Magnus,” Alec said sounding on the edge of panic. “It’s going to flop, I know it. And it’s all my fault. I’m a terrible actor.”

Magnus frowned, brain moving sluggishly after a long day, still half asleep. When his mind finished processing Alec’s words, he relaxed, leaning back against the headboard.

“Alexander, calm down,” he said, voice low and sure. “Yes, the show airs Monday night, and yes, that’s terrifying, but you are an amazing actor, my darling, and everyone is going to love you. They already do. Not just for your previous roles but they fell in love with you the moment they heard you got the role, the second they saw you in costume, the minute they saw the previews and your interviews. And the show is already getting glowing early reviews, including numerous mentions of the talented Alexander Gideon Lightwood in one of the main roles.”

Magnus could hear Alec’s breathing evening out on the other end the more he talked, so he kept going. “You’re proud of the work you did and that’s all you can hope for. They’re going to fall in love with you, Alexander. Do you feel better yet? I can read you tweets of what people are already saying about you, though, I must warn you, love, some of them are not suitable for work.”

Alec breathed out a shaky laugh. “I think I’m good right now,” he finally said.

Magnus smiled to himself, slipping back down into bed, phone pressed to his ear. “Are you sure? Some of them were pretty funny, other’s actually quite nice, and some just downright disturbing.”

Alec’s laugh was sincerer this time. Magnus could imagine him shaking his head, the endeared expression that never failed to make Magnus forget how to breathe on his face. “Thank you, Magnus.”

“Anytime, darling,” Magnus replied without hesitation. “Shouldn’t you be sleeping?”

Alec snorted softly. “I’ve been trying too. Can’t.”

“Why not?” Magnus teased.

“Bed feels empty. Head won’t stop spinning.”

Magnus nodded even though Alec couldn’t see him. “I know what you mean,” he whispered.

“I miss you.” They’d said it countless times over the last two and a half weeks but it never failed to make Magnus’ heart simultaneously skip and sink.

“I know,” he teased, trying to keep it light. “I’m very missable.”

“You are,” Alec said but on the edge of a laugh now.

“The show is going to do amazing, Alec, I promise.”

They ended up staying on the phone until they both fell asleep again, the Chairman rubbing his head against the phone at one point like he knew exactly who was on the other end.

First thing in the morning, Magnus booked a plane ticket.

Three days later, on the day of Alec’s premiere, Magnus followed his security guard through the airport, head down, sunglasses on, hoodie pulled down low to hide his face. Sliding into the back of the car that was waiting for them, Magnus breathed a sigh of relief. He hadn’t wanted to be seen at the airport. Firstly, because he didn’t have time to sign autographs and take pictures. Secondly, because he knew how quick his fans were about posting his whereabouts online and he didn’t want Alec to know he was there yet.

Magnus bit his lip on a smile, pulling out his phone as the car pulled away from the airport. He knew from Izzy, who had come to New York the week before and whom he’d entrusted to keep his arrival a surprise, that Alec’s cast and some of the crew were meeting up at Alec and Jace’s apartment to watch the premiere together and live tweet it and what not. He directed his driver there without another word.

Magnus checked twitter, where he’d already been reminding everyone to tune in tonight like the good boyfriend he was. Alec had retweeted Magnus’ last tweet about the show, which included the picture of Alec holding his bow and Magnus’ caption that read ‘tune in tonight to see if @ALightwood even knows how to use this thing’. Magnus smirked when he saw Alec’s reply, a simple ‘really Magnus?’.

As if Alec knew Magnus was thinking of him, or all the stars in the sky aligned, Magnus’ phone started ringing, showing off the picture he’d set as Alec’s contact: Alec lying in bed, smiling sleepily.

Magnus bit his lip on a smile, ignoring the call as he glanced out at New York. It was possible he’d never been so happy to be back in his home town.

***

Alec frowned down at his phone, heart sinking slightly. Magnus was probably busy but he’d been hoping to at least hear his voice before the show started.

“Lightwood! Get your butt over here for a group pic,” Lydia called from the couch in the living room.

Alec glanced out at the darkening New York night, taking a deep breath before turning back to his friends. The room was fairly packed with most the main cast, various friends of the cast, and some of the crew. Slipping through the living room, Alec flopped down in the free corner of the couch, leaning in against Lydia as Isabelle took a picture of them.

He’d been surprisingly calm all day, hanging out with Isabelle, Jace, Lydia, and Clary. Even with the awkwardness between Clary and Jace, they’d had fun showing some of their other cast members around the city. The only down side was that, save a good morning text and a few tweets, Alec hadn’t heard from Magnus all day.

If he was honest with himself, he was just disappointed. He knew Magnus couldn’t be there, which was what Alec really wanted but, of course, couldn’t blame Magnus for that. It still caused an uncomfortable feeling to take root in Alec’s gut, a bad taste in his mouth even as he laughed at Isabelle and Jace’s antics.

“Fifteen minutes,” Isabelle called, sounding more excited than Alec and Jace combined.

Lydia grinned, bumping shoulders with Alec who watched over her shoulder as she posted the video she’d recorded earlier, of all of them telling everyone to tune in in fifteen minutes to catch the first episode of their show.

“You excited, Lightwood?”

Alec nodded, leaning forward to grab a piece of pizza. “Of course.”

“But you’re also nervous and over-thinking everything and, if I know you at all — which I do — you’re missing your fabulous boyfriend,” Lydia filled in for him.

Alec glanced away, checking his phone once again but all he had were texts from his parents and Simon. Nothing from Magnus. Alec sighed. “You know me too well,” he grumbled, staring moodily at his pizza.

He didn’t want to be disappointed, he hated it. It wasn’t fair to Magnus, when he was probably super busy, not meaning to miss this. And it reminded him far too much of before. Of him letting Magnus down and then feeling disappointed in himself. Of them both letting each other down again and again and again. This wasn’t like that, he knew that, through and through. He just hated any memory of that time when things were going so good now.

“Ten minutes!” Isabelle shouted, heading to the door as someone else knocked.

Alec barely heard her, pulling out his phone again. Fuck seeming needy and pathetic, he _was_ needy and pathetic. Alec was just pulling up Magnus’ contact, smiling at the picture he had set of Magnus and the Chairman grinning up at him, when a pair of hands covered his eyes. A soft voice whispering in his ear.

“Surprise.”

***

Alec gasped, tossing his phone aside as he whirled around. Magnus barely had a second to breathe before Alec was pulling him close over the back of the couch, kissing him deeply.

Magnus laughed, hands fisting in Alec’s shirt, the kiss messy but perfect. Cheers erupted around them, along with wolf-whistles from Jace and Lydia.

Alec pulled away quickly, both their eyes wide as they stared at each other, foreheads resting together, breathing heavily. “What are you doing here?” Alec asked.

Magnus leaned forward, unable to resist kissing the edge of Alec’s beautiful smile. “Surprising you, silly.”

Alec shook his head, eyes closing for a minute. “You’re crazy.”

“Crazy for you,” Magnus mumbled back. He kissed Alec’s cheek before breaking away. Rounding the couch, he hugged Clary before squeezing into the corner of the couch, next to Alec who immediately kissed him again, soft and chaste, intertwining their fingers.

Lydia handed Alec back his phone with a smirk. “Hey, Magnus,” she grinned.

Laughter filled the room suddenly, everyone staring down at their phones. Frowning, Magnus pulled his own out, seeing that he was tagged in something on Instagram. He opened it to see a video posted by one Isabelle Lightwood captioned “true love or giant saps?”.

Magnus rolled his eyes, noting the thousand heart comments already.

“You guys look like such saps,” Jace teased, commenting with the sick looking emoji.

“Ignore him,” Magnus said, squeezing Alec’s hand. “We’re adorable.”

Magnus’ heart felt full as Alec grinned over at him. This was worth the missed sleep, he thought when Alec kissed the back of his hand.

“Five minutes!” Isabelle called, squishing into her place on the couch with a bowl of popcorn.

Leaning close, Magnus snapped a quick selfie, smirking at the camera as Alec stared down at him. Magnus posted it quickly with another shout out to the show.

“What?” Magnus finally asked, leaning back in the corner, getting all cozy with his feet in Alec’s lap. Alec was staring at him with a small smile.

“I can’t believe you came,” Alec said, shaking his head slowly.

Magnus glanced up from his phone, smiling softly as he tangled his free hand in Alec’s hair, pulling him down for a chaste kiss. “Of course, I came,” he said. “There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.”

***

By the time the show started, Alec had completely forgotten to be nervous. Magnus was pressed close to him, taking funny pictures and posting stupid little videos of the cast on his Instagram.

Once the show started, Magnus sat up straight, biting his lip as he concentrated. When Magnus watched something, his feelings were on clear display on his face. He’d smile slightly when he found something amusing. Grimace when something he didn’t like happened. Squeeze his eyes closed at something gross. There was a new intensity as he watched the show though, chewing on his bottom lip, smiling every few minutes as he glanced away to tweet his thoughts, easily tagging other members of the cast, already somehow knowing them all by name. Alec could barely concentrate on the conversation around him or the tweeting he himself was supposed to be doing, much more interested in what Magnus was doing.

On the first commercial, Alec leaned in to explain what was happening to Magnus who just smirked.

“I know,” he said, as Alec tried to explain the whole demon hunting thing to him.

“You know?” Alec parroted, frowning.

Magnus nodded, grin growing wider and brighter. “I read the books,” he shrugged.

Alec froze, disbelief written across his face. Of course, he knew Magnus liked to read but it’d never occurred to him that he would’ve read the books the show was based on. “You read the books,” Alec said, blinking slowly.

Magnus nodded. “Of course,” he said like it was obvious. Leaning in, he kissed Alec’s cheek again before getting comfortable pressed against him. Alec’s heart beat loud and slightly painful. Somehow, Magnus never stopped surprising him.

The rest of the episode, Alec could barely focus on his phone or the show, watching Magnus’ every reaction. Heart skipping happily when he laughed, smirking when Magnus gasped at one part. He nearly forgot what he was doing, watching his own show, that this was part of work, tweeting along with the fans. Magnus was far too good of a distraction.

 **@MagnusBane** : @ALightwood can you really shoot a bow that well? I need proof

 **@MagnusBane** : I would like to personally thank whoever dressed @ALightwood in this scene, I can assure you, he does not dress himself so well

 **@MagnusBane** : @ALightwood @JaceJaceWayland Be honest, you hated working together, right?

 **@MagnusBane:** That scene… My heart… @TheLydiaBranwell

“You’re ridiculous,” Alec whispered, reading Magnus’ tweets.

“Hush.”

 **@MagnusBane:** Okay, seriously, I need more of this show in my life now. If @ALightwood doesn’t tell me what happens next, we’re over

 **@ALightwood** : Sorry, @MagnusBane, my lips are sealed.

When the episode ended, Magnus kissed Alec again before he moved to the kitchen with Clary and Isabelle as the cast started a facebook Q&A.

Part of Alec couldn’t believe Magnus was there, but the rest was just thinking: Of course Magnus was there because this time was different. Because they were in — like. Very, very serious like.

Magnus wordlessly joined in later that night when they settled in to watch the episode again, to tweet along with the west coast. Magnus curled up next to Alec, legs tucked under him, head on Alec’s shoulder.

“I’m glad you’re here,” Alec said, pressing a kiss to the top of his head.

Magnus sighed, a content sound. “Me too.”

***

After they watched the episode a second time, Magnus’ phone blowing up anytime he tweeted about how hot the main character, played by one Alec Lightwood, was, the party slowly winded to a close. Magnus sat talking to Clary while Alec and Lydia mingled with other cast members, when Meliorn approached, suddenly, asking for an autograph for his niece.

Magnus grinned, accepting a pen and a stack of headshots from Isabelle, not even questioning that she just had them lying around somewhere. On top of being a great dancer, Isabelle was always prepared for anything Magnus might need at any given moment, it was one of the reasons he paid her so well. “Of course,” he said, standing. “What’s her name?”

A few other cast and crew wandered over and Magnus made small talk with them, complimenting the show as he signed pictures for kids and nieces and nephews.

Alec groaned from across the room.

Magnus snorted when he looked up to see Alec rolling his eyes at Magnus. “Even during the premiere of my show, my boyfriend is more popular than me.”

Magnus smiled at him, looking up from the last autograph with a shrug. “Sorry, darling.”

Alec smiled, shaking his head slowly. “It’s okay, I’m used to it.”

Magnus smirked to himself. Not thinking of the fact that he was flying out again the next day to make it back in time for a show, just enjoying the night.

As everyone started leaving slowly, Magnus retreated to the balcony to wait for Alec, staring out at the bright New York night. He’d avoided the city for a long time, if he were completely honest. Scared of running into Alec or, more likely, scared of running into the memories and having to admit to himself that he was in no way over it all. For so long, he couldn’t even step foot in his Brooklyn apartment where they’d spent so many days and nights. But New York didn’t feel like a stifling memory of something he no longer had anymore. It felt…full of possibilities and terrifyingly close to home.

“Hey,” Alec whispered, stepping out on the balcony behind Magnus. He shut the door before stepping close to Magnus, hugging him and kissing his cheek lightly before moving to lean against the balcony next to him. “Sorry that took so long.”

Magnus just shook his head, smiling softly. “It was fun.”

“Yeah?” Alec asked, inclining his head. His eyes were bright with the city spread out behind him, all his attention on Magnus who smiled softly, nodding.

“Yeah.”

Magnus turned around, boosting himself onto the wide stone wall bracketing the balcony. Alec rolled his eyes, quickly moving in between Magnus’ legs, holding him to ensure he wouldn’t fall. Magnus shivered at their sudden proximity, Alec’s eyes drilling into his, barely an inch of space between their bodies; he’d only have to lean down slightly to capture Alec’s lips.

Magnus rested one hand on Alec’s shoulder, the fingers of his other hand brushing through Alec’s hair. “You know you’re amazing, right?” Magnus all but whispered, seeming unable to speak loudly right then.

Alec’s brow furrowed, eyes going wide in a way that made Magnus’ heart ache for a brief moment. Alec had never believed he was even half as amazing as he actually was.

“You are,” Magnus said quickly before Alec could say anything. “You’re an amazing person Alec, and an amazing actor, and your show is great and everybody loved it; loved _you_.”

Magnus moved to cupping Alec’s face, forcing him to meet Magnus’ eyes when he tried to look away.

“You’re too humble,” Magnus sighed, shaking his head. “The show is great, Alec, and you’re the best part and I’m not just saying that because I hate Jace and am infatuated with you. I’ll say it as many times as I have to until you believe me. I will scream it from the rooftop,” Magnus teased.

Alec was thoroughly blushing now. He moved his head to kiss the palm of Magnus’ hand before moving closer to rest his head against Magnus’ shoulder. “You’re too good to me,” he muttered against Magnus’ shirt.

Magnus laughed, holding Alec close, careful of his precarious balance on the balcony ledge. “I’m proud of you,” Magnus corrected.

Alec pulled back suddenly, eyes dark and serious. Magnus’ breath got lodge in his throat as Alec’s eyes carefully roamed over him, something in his gaze sending pleasant shivers down Magnus’ back.

“Alec?”

Alec didn’t say anything. Instead, something in his gaze changed, a tension in his body snapping and a second later they were kissing, everything in between blurred. Magnus gasped into the kiss, pulling Alec closer, angling his head to deepen the kiss, momentarily slightly taller than Alec as he sat on the balcony ledge.

Magnus’ mind short circuited until all he knew was Alec. Alec’s mouth hot against his, Alec’s tongue tangling with Magnus’. Alec’s body pressed close, Magnus’ legs wrapped around his waist, something Magnus had no idea when happened. Alec’s hands firmly locked on Magnus’ thighs so he wouldn’t fall. Magnus’ own hands slipping under Alec’s shirt, searching out warm skin. Alec nibbling at his bottom lip. Alec moaning when Magnus trailed his mouth down to Alec’s neck, kissing along the tattoo on the side of his neck.

Magnus barely noticed his own heavy breathing, the way his hands shook under Alec’s shirt, filled with want, white hot and all consuming.

It wasn’t until Magnus scooted closer, briefly unbalancing and coming within seconds of falling, that they broke apart. Alec laughing breathlessly in the space between them. “I thought you had good balance?”

Magnus opened his eyes long enough to glare at Alec. It didn’t last long as he noticed Alec’s messy hair that Magnus’ hands had been running through, his eyes blown wide with lust. Magnus smirked, leaning in to kiss Alec softly. “I’m a little distracted,” he whispered against Alec’s lips making him laugh again before their lips met in a crash of electricity filled with want and love and everything they’d been only just holding back from each other.

Alec dropped his head, kissing along Magnus’ neck, making him arch into Alec’s touch, completely forgetting where they were until Jace called out from inside. “At least take it to your room, Alec! The neighbors don’t want a show but the paparazzi do!”

Alec groaned, and not a good groan, dropping his head to Magnus’ shoulder. Magnus laughed even as he breathed heavily, his body overheated and aching in a way he hadn’t let himself notice for the past few weeks.

The last thing Magnus was currently concerned with was paparazzi but he couldn’t afford not to be concerned. It never seemed like they were around but most of the time they were. Lurking off somewhere, waiting for that one picture that would ruin someone’s career and make their own.

“We should go inside,” Alec mumbled against Magnus.

Magnus nodded, taking a few deep breaths to reel himself in and ground himself. “We should.”

Alec stepped away with a small smile, moving to open the balcony door.

“Aren’t you forgetting something?” Magnus teased, still sitting on the balcony ledge.

Alec turned back, raising an eyebrow.

Magnus held his hand out.

“How could I forget?” Alec teased, taking a step closer to grab Magnus’ hand as he jumped off the ledge.

“Don’t even think of going back to your room, we’re watching a movie,” Isabelle called as they stepped back inside.

“We were in the middle of something, you know,” Magnus said, glaring over at Isabelle who just shrugged.

“I know. And you can go back to doing that, if you’d like, but just know Jace and I will be standing outside Alec’s door, singing show tunes the whole time.”

“Wow,” Magnus deadpanned. “You’re evil.”

“I know. Now, sit. Movie time.”

Magnus groaned, leaning his head against Alec’s shoulder. Alec laughed, tugging him back to the couch, where they curled up close, Magnus falling asleep on Alec’s shoulder before the movie was even half through.

***

Eventually, Alec forced himself up, carefully waking Magnus and guiding him to the bathroom to shower, knowing Magnus was always desperate to shower after a flight and it’d now been hours since he landed. Alec pulled out some spare clothes for Magnus to wear when he was done in the shower, quickly changing into his own pajamas.

It wasn’t until he heard the shower shut off, leaving nothing but Magnus’ soft voice coming from the bathroom as he sang to himself, that Alec realized he’d been smiling this whole time. Who wouldn’t be smiling like this though when the most gorgeous and funny and generous man in the world flew across the country for one brief night, just for Alec?

Alec was already lying in bed, trying to get ahold of his racing heart that felt lighter than ever in his chest, when Magnus came out looking far too adorable in one of Alec’s bigger shirts. It was a size too big on Alec and therefore big on Magnus also, a pair of Alec’s sweats hanging low on his hips.

“Don’t lie,” Magnus smirked, setting his clothes and jewelry on top of the dresser. “You love seeing me in your clothes.”

Alec snorted but nodded because it was true.

“Marking your territory, are you?” Magnus teased, slipping into bed next to Alec and snuggling up close.

“Something like that,” Alec muttered, pressing a soft kiss to Magnus’ lips before brushing his wet hair out of his face.

Magnus smiled slightly, just the corners of his mouth tilting up the littlest bit, making Alec’s heart skip. What he wouldn’t give to have Magnus in his bed every night.

“What are you thinking?” Magnus whispered. There wasn’t much room between them, no need to talk above a whisper as they laid on their sides, staring at each other.

“I’m thinking, I like having you in my bed,” Alec murmured, continuing to run his fingers through Magnus’ hair. “You?”

Magnus smirked, eyes lighting in the way they always did before he made some innuendo or else did something to embarrass Alec. “I’m thinking I like being in your bed and I’m tired of waiting,” he said with a pointed look.

Alec met Magnus’ smirk with one of his own, leaning in to kiss Magnus, mind flashing back to the earlier scene on the balcony. “Me too,” he said against Magnus’ lips. Alec turned over on his back as Magnus shifted to straddle him, their kiss turning from sweet and chaste to sloppy and heated in seconds.

Alec shivered, his hands tightening on Magnus’ hips, holding him close, struggling to keep up with the fast pace of his kiss as Magnus’ hands slipped beneath his shirt.

“But?” Alec prompted, thoroughly out of breath when Magnus pulled back, burying his head in Alec’s shoulder. They were close enough for Alec to feel Magnus’ heart racing just like Alec’s own.

Magnus was silent for a moment, both breathing deeply. When he looked up, his eyes narrowed as he bit his lip. “But,” Magnus said, voice low and hoarse. “I just… I don’t think I could stand doing this tonight and leaving in the morning.”

Alec swallowed the lump suddenly forming in his throat, his heart aching at the reminder that Magnus would be gone again in the morning and they had no idea when they’d have time to see each other again. He leaned up, kissing Magnus once more before turning over so Magnus fell back on the bed next to him with a strained laugh. Propping himself up on his elbow, Alec leaned over Magnus, brushing his wet hair out of his face again, grabbing his hand and pressing a kiss to his palm.

“Next time,” he said against Magnus’ skin.

Magnus’ Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed, nodding slowly. “Next time.”

“I wish you didn’t have to leave tomorrow,” Alec admitted, lying back down with his head on Magnus’ shoulder, Magnus’ fingers now running through his hair. “And not just so we could have sex.”

Magnus laughed softly but it sounded forced. “I know, me too.”

Alec glanced back at Magnus after a few moments in silence. “You look tired.”

“Haven’t been sleeping well,” Magnus whispered, yawning.

“You should sleep then,” Alec said, kissing the tip of Magnus’ nose as Magnus’ eyes drifted close. It was hard, just then, with Magnus so close and sleepy, with everything that had, or had almost, happened that night, fresh in his mind; not to say it, tell Magnus he loved him, but Alec found himself drifting off only moments after Magnus.

***

The next three weeks sucked. Between rehearsals and promotional appearances, planning the tour and gearing up for the album launch, Magnus barely had any time to even talk to Alec except for Monday nights, when Magnus watched Alec’s show while skyping with him. Magnus was barely sleeping — not only because of his hopelessly Alec-less bed — but he had a million things on his mind, from album release to photo shoots to appearances to agonizing over snapping at that one interviewer for saying something degrading about Magnus and Alec’s relationship to planning his world tour which took so much fucking work to desperately wishing his boyfriend was there.

Magnus was having a quick breakfast with Luke one morning, just a week and a half from album release — this close to an album release the time was judged solely by how many days/hours till release — going over his schedule when Luke surprised him by saying, “I’ve cleared your schedule for the next few days.”

Magnus frowned, looking up from his waffles — so he was cheating on his diet, sue him. “What? Why?”

Luke smiled softly, sipping his coffee. “We both know you start to go crazy before an album drops,” he said. And okay, he was right. Magnus always panicked, especially when he was switching up his sound. He didn’t need the fans to love it, all that mattered was that he loved it and he did something he had fun with but… he wanted the fans to love it, he couldn’t help it, he didn’t want to disappoint them.

“Aren’t there things to be done though?” Magnus asked, not letting his hopes get up.

Luke shrugged. “There are things that could be done, sure, but nothing that can’t wait until after the launch. This way, you’ll get back five days before the launch. Time for the launch party and all the launch week fun. The tour planning is nearly finished, the rest can be handled the following week. You seem to forget, sometimes, just how many people you have working for you who don’t mind helping out with these things, you do pay them to do that after all.”

Magnus rolled his eyes, chuckling softly. “So what am I doing with these off days?”

Luke smirked, pulling out an envelope from his jacket and sliding it across the table. “Consider it an early Christmas present.”

Frowning, Magnus opened the envelope, eyes going wide when he saw what was inside. His heart skipped. “Just what I wanted.”

***

It was getting late but Alec was wide awake, waiting for Magnus to finish a late night photo shoot and call him. Things had calmed slightly for Alec the last few weeks. The show was doing even better than hoped, he’d nailed an audition for a new movie he was kind of dying to be in, and everything seemed to be coming together nicely. If only he could manage to talk to his boyfriend for more than a few minutes every couple of days. But, even despite that, things were good.

Alec was sitting at the kitchen counter with his computer open, replying to emails when Magnus’ skype call came through.

Alec couldn’t stop the wide grin crossing his face as Magnus appeared on his screen, sitting in the middle of his bed, Chairman Meow sniffing at the computer screen. Magnus smiled and Alec’s heart skipped. His hair was wet, face bare. Dressed in an old, ratty shirt and yoga pants, telling Alec he must’ve showered quickly before calling.

“Is that my shirt?” Alec found himself asking before Magnus could say anything, eyes suddenly pulled back to the shirt Magnus was wearing, one Alec had been looking for just the other night.

Magnus smirked, shaking his head. “No. How would I have your shirt?” he asked before gasping and holding a hand to his heart. “Are you insinuating that I stole from you?”

“That is my shirt,” Alec said. It wasn’t just his shirt, but one of his favorites. Perfectly worn in, a nice dark green color. And, he remembered, one Magnus had made fun of constantly, insisting he should just throw it out.

“…No. It’s not,” Magnus said, not the least bit convincing.

Alec snorted, biting his lip as Magnus turned his head, sniffing the shirt. “Did you steal my shirt?” Alec demanded though his voice came out more adorably amused less demanding. “And sniff it just now?”

Magnus looked up, rolling his eyes. “Don’t be ridiculous, Alexander.”

“You stole my shirt.”

Finally, Magnus sighed. “What?” he asked, smiling softly. “It helps me sleep.”

“Did it have to be my favorite?”

“Yes. Yes, it did. It looks better on me anyway.”

“Looks better on my floor,” Alec muttered, making Magnus laugh.

“Come on, you know I’m worth your favorite shirt,” Magnus teased, their connection cutting in and out briefly.

“You are,” Alec said without hesitating.

Magnus beamed before growing serious. “Did you get my present?”

Alec frowned. “Present?”

“Check your email.”

Frowning, Alec quickly flipped back to his email which he’d been slowly combing through, not even noticing the one from Magnus. Clicking on it, his heart lodged somewhere in his throat as he saw what Magnus had sent. A confirmation of a flight to London.

“Ragnor has an apartment that never gets used anymore. It’s really nice,” Magnus said softly. “And I checked with Hodge, your schedule is clear.”

Alec swallowed dryly, eyes locked back on Magnus who was smiling his crooked smile that never failed in making Alec’s heart race.

“Three full days, we fly down Sunday morning, leave Wednesday morning. Just me and you.”

White noise filled Alec’s head for a moment, a dull roaring at the base of his skull, he almost couldn’t believe it. He’d resigned himself to the fact that he wouldn’t get to see Magnus again for at least another three weeks, besides flying down one night for the album release. After that, Magnus would be too busy with everything and Alec would just be in the way, besides, he himself had a con to go to in Paris in two weeks.

“So,” Magnus prompted. “What do you say? Come away with me for a few days?”

Magnus asked it like it was a question but there was no question in Alec’s mind. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo. Thoughts? Any favorite lines? Parts?  
> Next up: Malec's first official weekend away. I'm trying to get on a real schedule I swear but just when I think I do things get messed up so hopefully, it won't be quite as long a wait for the next chapter but no promises!
> 
> Make sure to stalk my [Tumblr @imawriteriwrite](http://imawriteriwrite.tumblr.com/) for updates. Comments and kudos are life and make me love you forever. Feel free to scream at me on Tumblr as it really does make my day and thank you for reading! <3


	24. London

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Malec's vacay in London...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got lazy and didn't pick a song to name this chapter off of. Oops. Shout out to my always amazing beta Maud. <3
> 
> Casual reminder to yell at me on [Tumblr @imawriteriwrite](http://imawriteriwrite.tumblr.com/), I love getting commentary or asks or just simple messages, you can also do it on twitter if you would like you can tag it #Paparazzific
> 
> And warning for light smut ahead...

Alec was running late. It was Saturday night and he was supposed to be on a plane in just over an hour, going to London to meet Magnus and he was late. _Fuck._ He hurried through the apartment, quickly pulling a coat on, suitcase in hand.

“Dude,” Jace called from the kitchen where he was cooking himself lunch. “You know you have like twenty minutes to get to the airport, right?”

“No, Jace, I had no idea,” Alec grumbled, quickly pulling his shoes on. He’d gotten news of the callback, a second audition for that movie, just the other day and of course it was this morning. Then the callback had taken longer than he planned, which was good, it was good. But now he was late. He’d be completely screwed if Jace hadn’t packed for him.

“I take it the callback went well?” Jace asked.

Alec nodded, rushing around the living room, searching for his wallet and keys.

“On the coffee table,” Jace said.

Alec looked up, freezing for a second. Jace was a mess, his hair all over the place, he wasn’t wearing a shirt, and he had dark circles under his eyes. “Are you okay?” Alec asked, moving to grab his wallet and keys, right where Jace said they were.

Jace waved him away. “I’m fine. You need to go though. Like ten minutes ago.”

Alec glanced at the clock. “Fuck.”

Rushing back to the front door, he grabbed his suitcase, yanking the door open before freezing again.

“There’s a car waiting,” Jace called. “Have fun.”

Alec exhaled in relief, glancing over his shoulder. “I love you,” he said.

“You owe me,” Jace snorted, throwing a bagel at Alec’s head. “Get going, you’re going to miss your plane.”

“Bye!” Alec called, rushing out the door to the elevator. He pushed the button half a dozen times before forcing himself to take a calming breath. He’d had it all planned, he never missed planes, he was never late. Alec glanced at the time. _Fuck._ He was so going to miss his plane.

Alec caught himself grinning as he stepped into the elevator and forced his expression back into a carefully blank look. He never let himself get his hopes up about auditions but…it’d been good. Really good. He could feel it. That, coupled with the fact that, in less than ten hours, he’d be in London with his boyfriend, locked away from the world for three whole days, made it hard to stop smiling. Alec shook his head at himself before rushing off the elevator to the waiting car.

It was a close thing, he just barely made it in time to catch his plane. He didn’t relax again until he was seated on the plane, on his way to London. To Magnus.

***

Magnus’ flight was delayed. Of course, he thought, glaring at the flight schedule at the airport. Of fucking course.

After texting Alec to let him know he’d be late, Magnus got something to eat and paced around the airport until it was finally time to board. He couldn’t be all that annoyed though, because he was going to have three whole days with Alec. No distractions. No other obligations. Just the two of them.

Magnus’ heart was beating overtime, faster and faster by the minute. He felt like a teenager going on his first date; like he was standing backstage, preparing to play for a packed stadium. All jittery nerves and unbridled excitement.

He tried to sleep on the plane but ended up watching some superhero movie followed by mentally going through his checklist again and again and again. This weekend away was a good distraction, Alec was a good distraction, but Magnus’ album was still dropping in just over a week and even though he was on vacation he couldn’t completely stop thinking about it. The reaction to the singles was great, the hype for the album amazing, everything was going perfectly and yet, as always, there was a part of Magnus that was sure something had to go wrong. It was all too perfect. He knew the universe and it never let him be this happy for long.

It was a long flight, his mind slowly cycling through every little thing that could go wrong and always ended up at the most irrational of his fears. That his fans would hate the album, hate him, and no one would buy tour tickets that went on sale in two days, and he would be a major flop all together until he was forced to hide away in some small town where he’d be known as nothing more than a washed up has been.

Or worse, Alec would realize they’d made a mistake and never should’ve gotten back together in the first place. Because Magnus was a washed up has been. Even he knew he was being ridiculous at this point but it was such a long flight, far too much time for thinking and worrying. He finally fell asleep a few hours in, welcoming the quieting of his thoughts.

The second the plane landed, hours later, everything in him calmed. And by the time his car pulled up outside Ragnor’s flat, in a posh part of the city, Magnus was smiling wider than ever. It was a tall, expensive apartment building, Ragnor’s flat at the very top. The sun had already set thanks to Magnus’ delayed flight, the city bright around him. He’d been to London many times, stayed in Ragnor’s flat even, but he couldn’t remember being so happy about the prospect before.

 The elevator opened on the top floor. Magnus could see lights coming from underneath the door at the end of the hall, he’d sent Alec a set of keys a few days before. Pulling out his own set of keys, Magnus bit back a grin, heart skipping as he unlocked the door as quietly as possible.

It wasn’t a very large flat. A darkly lit, carefully decorated two bedroom apartment with a wall of windows looking out on the city, currently hidden by thick, dark curtains. Fancy looking, highly uncomfortable high back chairs and a couch positioned around the fireplace to the left, with wall to wall bookshelves and a piano in the corner. The kitchen was toward the back, with dark cabinets and expensive china. There was a hallway each to the left and right, one leading to the master bedroom where Ragnor insisted “you absolutely cannot have sex in my bed, Magnus, I forbid it”. The other leading to the guest bedroom.

The flat was filled with the smell of pizza that Magnus saw waiting on the kitchen counter. Stepping into the apartment, he opened his mouth to call for Alec before falling silent.

Magnus closed the door behind him quietly. Leaving his bags by the door, he pulled his coat off, dropping it on the floor as he made his way to the living room. Alec was stretched out across the dark red couch, feet hanging off the end, hair in his face as he slept. Magnus kneeled in front of him, torn between waking him or letting him sleep. Luckily, he didn’t have to decide.

Like Alec sensed someone there, his eyes slowly opened, a lazy smile crossing his face as his gaze landed on Magnus. Magnus’ heart definitely didn’t stop for a moment. Nope.

“Hey,” Alec murmured sleepily.

Magnus reached out, pushing his hair from his face. “Hey.” It was a little scary, the things his heart did in Alec’s presence, how sure he was in that moment that this was all he ever wanted. The album could flop. His whole career could crash and burn but if he had Alec… He’d barely even notice.

Alec reached out, grabbing Magnus’ shirt and pulling him close, eyes drifting shut once more as he kissed Magnus. Magnus’ heart went haywire for a minute. It was barely more than a lazy pressing of lips together but it made Magnus ache inside, a mixture of love and fear. How could he not be scared when every time he was with Alec, it just reinforced what he’d known for as long as he could remember? That Alec was it for him. The one. There was no else, had never been anyone else that even slightly compared to what Magnus felt for Alec.

Alec pulled back slowly, turning onto his back and pulling at Magnus until he crawled up on the couch on top of Alec, careful not to crush him.

“What time is it?” Alec asked, his arms moving around Magnus to press him close, hands slipping under the back of Magnus’ shirt.

Magnus pulled his phone out, checking the time before tossing it away. “Ten thirty. My flight was delayed.”

“Stupid flight,” Alec muttered before tilting his head up and catching Magnus’ lips once more. Magnus laughed into Alec’s mouth before kissing back. He could feel it when Alec finished waking up, kissing him with more vigor, hands coming up to cup Magnus’ face as Alec slipped his tongue in Magnus’ mouth.

Something tickled the back of Magnus’ mind, something he’d meant to ask or say but it slipped further and further away as Alec shifted under him, getting more comfortable. Magnus slipped his hands beneath Alec’s shirt, running his fingers over Alec’s warm skin, Alec moving to kiss along his jaw and down his neck. Magnus tilted his head back to give Alec better access, completely unaware of just how uncomfortable their position on the couch was beginning to get as he tried to keep his breathing under control.

Alec’s hands slipped under Magnus’ shirt, tugging it up before freezing.

Magnus groaned when Alec pulled back. He opened his eyes slowly to see Alec looking torn between smirking and glaring, before settling for a combination of the two.

“What?” Magnus asked unable to mask how out of breath he was.

“Is that my shirt?”

Magnus leaned back and pulled his shirt back down, raising an eyebrow. “I think it’s clearly my shirt now,” he said. He’d thrown it on before leaving for the airport, smirking to himself the whole time.

Alec shook his head. “Thief,” he whispered before bringing their lips back together in a kiss that went from zero to a hundred in record speed, leaving Magnus gasping for breath as Alec’s hands ran all over his body, holding him close.

Magnus’ head went fuzzy, his body growing hot as his heart raced in his chest. He couldn’t remember the last time he felt like this; like this was the first time Alec had ever kissed him like this, rather than the thousandth.

Magnus broke away after a few minutes, catching himself before they passed the point of no return. “As much,” Magnus started, panting as Alec once more kissed and bit along Magnus’ neck. Magnus pulled back out of his reach, laughing at Alec’s low whimper. “As much as I love what you were just doing,” Magnus continued, urging his body to cool off. “I’m starving and you’re tired and we have the next two days for this.”

Alec grinned wolfishly, eyes blown wide in a way that made Magnus’ heart skip, before slowly pouting. Giving Magnus his best puppy dog eyes that never failed to make Magnus weak. “We lost a day,” he said.

Magnus leaned down, kissing his cheek before pressing a light kiss to Alec’s pouting lips. “I know,” he sighed. “Stupid planes and callbacks.” Magnus sat up suddenly, mind lighting up. “The callback!” he shouted, slapping Alec’s chest lightly when he laughed. “How did it go?”

Alec shrugged, a hard thing to do when laying on the couch, pinned under Magnus.

“If you don’t tell me everything right now, I won’t so much as kiss you for the next two days,” Magnus threatened, voice low as he glared, still laying across Alec.

Alec chuckled, leaning up to kiss Magnus lightly. “Liar,” he whispered.

Magnus pulled back, carefully climbing off Alec.

“Wait!” Alec was quick to call. “Come back!”

Magnus smirked, shaking his head. “Need food,” he said, heading to the kitchen.

“You’re killing me!” Alec called.

Magnus laughed. “Surely not.”

He heard the sounds of Alec nearly tripping as he jumped off the couch, following Magnus. He caught up to him in the kitchen. Moving close behind Magnus, Alec slipped his arms around Magnus’ waist, holding him close. Lightly kissing his shoulder before propping his chin on it.

“I ordered pizza, figured it’d be too late to go out by the time you got in, but it’s probably cold by now.”

“Did you eat?” Magnus asked, leaning back into Alec’s warmth as he noticed for the first time that the flat was just a little chilly.

“Nope,” Alec said, shaking his head. “Wanted to wait for you.”

Magnus bit his lip on a smile, pulling the pizza box close. “My favorite,” he said, opening the box.

“Of course, what kind of boyfriend would I be if I didn’t have your favorite pizza waiting for you for our romantic weekend?” Alec asked, and Magnus definitely liked the sound of that. Both Alec calling him his boyfriend, and their ‘romantic weekend’.

Alec pulled away to go to the fridge, grabbing two bottles of water. “I also went to the store. I had some time.”

Magnus grinned, turning to kiss Alec’s cheek as he passed. “You’re the best.”

“I know,” Alec teased, grabbing the pizza box and heading for the guest bedroom.

Magnus cocked an eyebrow.

Alec nodded down the hall. “We’re eating in the bedroom.”

Magnus shrugged, following after him without another word, only pausing to grab his bag and lock the door.

The second Magnus stepped into the bedroom, he froze. He was beginning to wonder if his heart could take it, this weekend away, as a smile crossed his face. Alec had spread out a blanket and some pillows on the floor before the large, floor to ceiling set of windows that looked out over the city. With the lights off inside the room, the only light came from outside, the city shining brightly below them.

Alec sat on the blanket on the floor, setting the pizza box before him. The rest of the room was fairly empty, a large open space with a king-sized bed covered in a plain black comforter. A chair off to the side, a dresser with a tv against the wall and the bathroom across from the windows. Magnus barely spared a glance for the rest of the room, pulling his shoes off before joining Alec on the floor.

Neither said anything for a few minutes, staring out at the city as they ate cold pizza. Glancing over at Alec, Magnus found himself stuck, just for a moment. The city lights shining in through the window, falling perfectly across Alec’s face. The way he smiled crookedly, just half of his mouth turning up, eyebrows raising as he caught Magnus’ staring. And everything just sort of clicked in Magnus’ mind, his heart, his soul. This is what he’d been waiting two years – hell, his whole life – for. And it was real and it was his, just as he’d never even let himself dream it could be.

“Stop staring at me.” Alec’s voice snapped Magnus out of his haze. Rolling his eyes, he threw a napkin at Alec, who laughed, easily batting it away.

“So?” Magnus prompted, staring down at his food and biting back a smile. His heart felt full and he couldn’t exactly say why, it was just like everything suddenly, inexplicably, felt perfect. Being here with Alec. Alec’s show doing well. Magnus’ album about to drop.

“So?” Alec parroted back innocently.

“I’m not going to beg, Alexander,” Magnus deadpanned, glaring lightly at his boyfriend.

Alec’s smile widened as he shrugged. “Can’t blame me for trying.”

Magnus snorted, throwing another napkin.

“I think it went pretty well,” Alec finally said, before launching into the story of his callback.

Magnus found himself grinning proudly, reaching out to squeeze Alec’s hand. “It sounds like it went better than pretty well,” he pointed out.

Alec shrugged, picking at his pizza. “Yeah, well. We’ll see.”

Magnus shook his head slowly, Alec was never one to believe the best of himself. “We will see,” Magnus said, tilting his chin up proudly.

Alec chuckled. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Smirking, Magnus arched an eyebrow, meeting Alec’s gaze head on. “Bet you five dollars you get offered the part,” he challenged.

“Five dollars?” Alec asked. “That’s all the confidence you have in me?”

Magnus shook his head, bringing Alec’s hand to his mouth and pressing a soft kiss to his palm. “I just don’t want you to lose all your money to me, darling.”

“You want me to bet that I won’t get a part?”

“Yes. You don’t need to be sure and bet on yourself, you have me for that.”

Alec snorted, shaking his head slowly but his mouth twitched, a smile fighting to cross his face. “Five dollars it is.”

Magnus beamed. “Prepare to lose, love.”

Alec rolled his eyes, turning back to stare out the window. Magnus watched him for a minute, eyes mapping out Alec’s sharp features, basking in the feeling of contentment in his chest.

After a minute, Alec glanced back over, smiling his same crooked smile that never failed to make it harder for Magnus to breathe.

Reaching out, Alec grabbed Magnus’ hand, snapping him out of his haze. “What are you thinking?”

It was like they were the only two people in the world. Alec’s eyes locked with Magnus’ as Magnus’ heart raced erratically before falling back into a new rhythm, a brief wave of panic replaced with that deeply content feeling.

Magnus didn’t plan to say what he said next, he wasn’t aware that the words were on the tip of his tongue, barely registered them even as he said them. Three simple words. Ones he’d said countless times to countless people, Alec included. Ones he’d been holding back now, for a long time. Ones that had never been truer.

“I love you.”

***

Alec froze. There was this soft buzzing in his ears and his heart was rushing about and he couldn’t quite believe what he thought — what he was almost positive — Magnus had just said. The words repeating in his mind again and again, barely above a whisper, a breathless confession Alec desperately hoped he hadn’t dreamed.

Magnus’ eyes went wide like he hadn’t quite meant to say it but he didn’t pull away or take it back. Sitting across from each other on the bedroom floor, Magnus’ hair a fluffy mess after the long flight, dressed in Alec’s shirt still, with this look on his face full of sincerity and…and _love_ , Alec knew this moment would be burned into his memory forever.

He didn’t even realize he was grinning. “You…love me?” Alec checked, to be sure, because this was too much like a dream and he wasn’t sure he could survive if it was just that. He didn’t mean for the teasing edge to come out, a smirk pulling up the corner of his mouth.

The tension in the room dissipated just like that, like everything had been frozen for a brief moment in time, the world paused to let them soak up the moment and now it was moving on again.

Magnus sighed, a long drown out sound as he rolled his eyes. “Don’t make me take it back,” he deadpanned but Alec knew Magnus, better than he knew anyone, he saw the way Magnus bit his lip, not quite meeting Alec’s gaze. Knew that, even after everything they’d been through, he was still scared of being rejected. Alec still had no idea how Magnus couldn’t know just how amazing he was, just how lucky Alec felt, knowing Magnus loved him.

_Magnus loved him._

“You can’t take it back, you already said it,” Alec teased, mouth curving up in a smile as he moved to his knees, edging closer until he was in Magnus’ space, forcing Magnus to look up at him, barely any space between them. His heart was lodged somewhere in his throat, making it hard to breathe. Magnus’ eyes shone, glinting from the moonlight slipping through the window pane as he glanced up at Alec, Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed.

Alec brought his hand up, pushing a strand of hair out of Magnus’ face. His eyes roaming over Magnus, taking in every little detail, committing this moment to memory. Magnus’ breathing was uneven, his eyes wide and vulnerable, all teasing forgotten in seconds as he stared up at Alec.

Alec leaned close, letting his lips just barely brush Magnus’, never looking away from Magnus’ gaze. “Please don’t take it back.”

Alec nearly fell back as Magnus lunged forward, on his knees to meet Alec, hands slipping around Alec’s neck to bring him into a crushing kiss. The air was knocked from Alec’s lungs but he barely noticed.

Alec breathed in through his nose, struggling to keep up with Magnus who was kissing him with a ferocity Alec had never seen before. Everything Alec had been feeling these last few weeks, months, ever since Magnus came crashing back into his life, filled his chest close to bursting and he poured it all back into the kiss, giving back everything Magnus was giving him. He had no idea how he’d ever lived without this, how he’d ever thought even for a moment that he could be happy with anyone but Magnus. Magnus who could calm him with a word. Magnus, who was always there for him, who made him grin like an idiot with one stupid text. Magnus, who loved him. Magnus, the man Alec was so far in love with he couldn’t see or feel anything else.

Magnus pulled Alec even closer like he could hear Alec’s thoughts, pressing his hands to Alec’s lower back and kissing him senseless.

A few seconds or maybe it was minutes, later, Alec broke away with a laugh, struggling to breathe. Magnus’ hands were tight at his hips, holding him close, something Alec would never complain about. All his earlier exhaustion was long forgotten, everything was forgotten except Magnus, breathing raggedly, eyes shining, leaving Alec’s lips tingling even as they broke away.

Alec moved to cup Magnus’ face, kissing him softly, wanting to linger in this moment for as long as humanly possible. When he spoke, his voice was hoarse, just loud enough for Magnus to hear him. “Don’t take it back,” he repeated, pulling back just enough to see Magnus’ eyes. He waited a beat, two, watching Magnus’ brow furrow, eyes tracking Magnus’ tongue as he licked his lips until finally, Alec couldn’t hold it in any longer. “Because I love you too.”

When Magnus grinned, laughing breathlessly, Alec knew this was it. This was the rest of his life, staring back at him.

“Fine,” Magnus pouted, eyes shining with held in laughter. “I don’t take it back.”

Alec shook his head, his heart racing because he couldn’t quite believe this was real. “Gee, thanks,” he deadpanned.

Magnus leaned forward, kissing him, just the barest brush of lips, more the ghost of a kiss than the actual thing. “I mean it,” he whispered against Alec’s lips. “I do love you, Alexander. I don’t — I don’t think I ever really stopped.”

Alec swallowed dryly, the world at a stop around them. If he listened hard enough he was sure he could hear the traffic outside, the clock ticking in the living room, but it didn’t really matter just then. None of it did. They weren’t Magnus Bane and Alec Lightwood, celebrity it couple. They weren’t award winning artist and actor. They were just two people, madly in love, with a whole romantic weekend stretched out before them.

Alec didn’t know what to do or say, didn’t want this moment to end, the two of them just staring at each other, breathing each other in and basking in the glow of their confessions as if they both hadn’t known this for…months now.

When they finally moved, Alec had no idea who leaned in first and he really didn’t care. Falling back on the mound of pillows, Magnus on top of him, their lips moving together slowly, unrushed, like they had all the time in the world.

***

Magnus couldn’t stop smiling or laughing which made kissing a little hard but Alec seemed to be having the same problem so he didn’t feel too badly about it. Magnus had grand plans for their weekend away but only a few hours in and it was exceeding his expectations. He hadn’t meant to say it just then but he didn’t regret it, because it was true, he loved Alec more than he’d ever realized before. So much it was impossible to hold it in any longer.

Minutes or hours passed, lazy kisses between laughter turning deeper and more sensual. Searching hands turning more intently to slowly pushing up shirts and undoing buttons.

Suddenly aware of the fact that they were still on the floor, Alec kissing his way down Magnus’ jaw to his neck, his purposeful hands slipping up under Magnus’ shirt, Magnus pulled back, breathing heavily.

“Are you sure—” he started, only to be cut off by Alec nodding. “Yes.”

“If you’re tired, we can wait,” Magnus said even as he shivered at the way Alec’s hands moved around to his back and down.

Alec looked wrecked already, hair impossibly messier than usual, lips kiss swollen, pupils blown wide, his shirt half unbuttoned, showing off far too much tempting skin. “I’m not tired,” Alec whispered, moving up until his lips were hovering just over Magnus’. “I am, however, tired of waiting. I want this,” he said, eyes drilling into Magnus’ without a doubt anywhere in sight. “As long as you want it.”

Magnus snorted. “Are you kidding? I’ve been berating myself for weeks for not doing this sooner.”

Alec threw his head back, laughing, Magnus’ heart skipped at hearing one of his favorite sounds. He leaned down, unable to resist kissing along Alec’s neck, making Alec moan, his hands tightening on Magnus’ waist. “So I guess we should get back to it then,” Alec suggested breathily.

Magnus pulled back to nod. Standing, he tugged Alec to his feet, walking backward to the bed before turning to push Alec down on his back. Magnus hesitated just a minute, soaking in the sight of Alec smiling softly up at him, hand outstretched towards Magnus.

“Coming?” Alec asked, quirking his mouth into a smile.

Magnus raised his eyebrows, slowly pulling his shirt up and off. “Not yet,” he smirked. “But hopefully soon.”

Alec snorted, sitting up and tugging Magnus to him without another word.

***

Alec had, of course, imagined this moment many times over the last few months. He hadn’t wanted to rush it, he’d wanted them to take their time and be sure, wanted them to trust each other and their new relationship before sleeping together again but of course he’d thought about it. Wondered if it would be different from before, wondered if Magnus still had the ability to take him apart with barely a touch, with nothing more than a lingering look. It was everything he remembered and so much more. It was more than two years of longing, months of foreplay, and the earth-shaking chemistry they’d always had but we’re only just rediscovering.

It wasn’t just about the act itself, it was finally fully letting go, falling back together in one epic crash. It was love, soft caresses and searching mouths. And passion, fiery touches and racing heart beats. It was slowly remembering how this worked, how they fit together so perfectly, and falling together without a single moment of hesitation.

Slowly shedding each other of their clothes, kisses turning from soft and caring to heated and sensual back and forth, slowly exploring each other’s bodies, everything a strange mix of feeling like it was the first time and simply rediscovering something they’d never completely forgotten.

Nothing was rushed, that would come later. This was soft, lingering kisses, shared smiles, gasps of breath confessing their love again and again as they relearned how to move together, the rest of the world ceases to exist just for the two of them.

Afterward, lying close together while trying to catch their breaths, limbs tangled together, Alec closed his eyes. Breathing in deeply, his blood still singing, skin still heated, Magnus’ arm tight around his waist, anchoring him to the moment; he felt more content than he could ever remember feeling.

“Well, that still works,” Magnus said.

Alec hummed in agreement, laughing when Magnus’ breath tickled the sensitive skin of his neck as he turned.

“And to think,” Magnus all but purred, propping himself up on his elbow to lean over Alec. “We have two more days here.”

Alec smirked. “What ever will we do with that time?” he whispered, pulling Magnus’ closer for a chaste kiss.

“I might have a few ideas,” Magnus replied between kisses.

“Can’t wait to hear them.”

Leaning back, Magnus smirked, looking far too sexy with his disheveled hair and smoldering eyes.

“You know you don’t have to undress me with your eyes, right?” Alec teased, settling back against the pillows and closing his eyes. “I’m already naked.”

“Yes, I did notice that.” Alec could hear the smirk lingering in Magnus’ voice and shook his head.

The bed dipped suddenly and Alec opened his eyes again, groaning when he saw Magnus moving to leave the bed. “Where are you going?”

Magnus glanced over his shoulder, half out of bed with a devious smirk on his face. “Miss me already?” he teased.

Alec didn’t even bother denying it. “Obviously,” he said. Reaching out, he caught Magnus’ hand, tugging on it to pull him back. “We’re still cuddling here.”

Magnus sighed, climbing back into bed. Burrowing under the covers, he pressed close to Alec, making him shiver. “But I need my song book, inspiration has struck.”

Alec groaned, feeling his face heat despite himself as he hid his head in the pillow. “You are not writing a song about this.”

Magnus hummed, shrugging his shoulders lazily as he idly ran his fingers over Alec’s bare chest. “You can’t fight inspiration, Alexander.”

“I will divorce you if you write a song about our sex life,” Alec mumbled.

Magnus laughed, making Alec’s heart skip. “We aren’t married, darling.”

“I will marry you and then divorce you,” Alec said, tightening his hold on Magnus as he laughed.

“Fiiiine,” Magnus sighed, shifting until he was comfortable against Alec. “I’ll write it later and never tell you which song it is. Do you like the title London Love or London Lights better? Clearly, it must reference London.”

Alec snorted, shaking his head. With Magnus wrapped around him and the words they’d exchanged earlier still floating around his head, before he knew it, Alec was on the verge of falling asleep, content and completely satisfied.

“Thanks for running away with me,” Magnus said quietly sometime later, pressing a soft kiss to Alec’s chest.

Alec smirked, turning his head into Magnus’ shoulder. “Anytime.”

***

Magnus woke slowly the next morning, Alec was leaning over him, running his fingers through Magnus’ hair. Magnus tilted his chin up, eyes still closed and Alec met him in a soft, sleepy kiss.

“Love you,” Magnus mumbled between kisses.

“Love you too,” Alec said, smiling against him.

Magnus had plans for their little getaway but all of that was forgotten as Alec’s kiss turned from soft to deep and lingering. Magnus moaned, tilting his head back to give Alec better access as he trailed his lips down across Magnus’ jaw, lingering on his neck for a few minutes before dropping lower. Magnus’ hands roamed Alec’s body, nails digging into his back when Alec returned to his neck, biting down lightly.

Tugging on Alec’s arms, Magnus pulled him up, crashing their lips together, holding Alec close so every inch of their bodies touched as their tongues danced, teeth crashing. Magnus shivered, moaning into the kiss, Alec’s fingers dancing across his skin.

Pressing a few last, softer kisses to Magnus’ lips, Alec pulled back, staring down at him with a sexy smirk.

“Any plans for the day?” Alec asked, voice even, expression calm like he was completely unaffected by the kiss; like he wasn’t practically laying on top of Magnus, naked save the boxers he’d slipped on at some point in the night.

Magnus arched an eyebrow, letting his gaze briefly drop, roaming down Alec’s body before returning to his eyes. “Thought I might call it quits early,” he deadpanned. “Catch a flight home. Everything here seems suddenly…boring.”

Alec snorted, leaning in to capture Magnus’ lips again. “I’ll give you boring.”

“Please do.”

***

“Do you think we should leave bed at some point?” Alec asked, late in to the afternoon.

Magnus shook his head from where he was kissing his way down Alec’s chest. “We’ve left bed,” he said.

“I don’t think what we did in the bathroom counts as leaving bed.”

“We were in the shower, not in bed,” Magnus shrugged, pausing to look up at Alec with hooded eyes. “Totally counts.”

Alec laughed, shaking his head but offered no further objections as Magnus got back to kissing down his body.

“Besides,” Magnus said against Alec’s skin, sending a full body shiver through Alec. “We’re making up for lost time.”

Alec moaned when Magnus suddenly moved down lower. He definitely couldn’t argue with that.

***

They did eventually make their way out of bed, the need for substance becoming stronger than the need to stay pressed close together, exploring each other’s bodies thoroughly. Magnus only left bed with the promise of a swift return though. It was intoxicating, letting down the last of their walls, admitting their true feelings. Magnus would be content simply lying in bed all day, cuddling and watching crappy tv, if he were being honest.

“There are takeout menus around here somewhere,” Magnus said once they’d finally made their way to the kitchen. He stepped behind Alec, wrapping his arms around him to hug him close, pressing a kiss to his bare shoulder as Alec was currently wearing nothing but a pair of low hanging sweat pants.

“You’re so clingy,” Alec teased, turning around in Magnus’ arms to kiss his cheek.

“Not clingy,” Magnus corrected. “Cold and you’re warm. I can stop touching you if it’s such a bother,” he added, batting his eyelashes.

“Don’t you dare,” Alec said, ducking slightly to kiss Magnus.

Magnus hummed into the kiss, enjoying himself until his stomach rumbled.

Alec groaned when he pulled back, making Magnus laugh. “Food,” Magnus reminded him, quickly stepping away before they could get distracted again.

Alec followed along as Magnus dug out the take out menus. “Thai? Sushi? Chinese?” Magnus asked, flipping through the menus.

“Are you on any of these menus?” Alec asked, casually peering over Magnus’ shoulder.

Magnus snorted. “You’ve already had me. Multiple times.”

Alec hummed, leaning down to kiss Magnus’ neck as he looked through the menus. Magnus closed his eyes, enjoying his boyfriend’s attention for a minute before batting him away. “You’re distracting me from my mission.”

“Sorry,” Alec mumbled.

Magnus rolled his eyes, sparing Alec a glance over his shoulder. “No, you aren’t.”

Alec smirked. “No. I’m not,” he agreed, resting his hands on Magnus’ hips as Magnus pulled out his phone. Magnus finally managed to order food half an hour later, after banishing Alec to the other side of the kitchen, his wandering hands and warm lips far too distracting. By the time their food arrived, Alec was sitting on the dining room table, Magnus in front of him, lost in kissing each other so that they barely heard the doorbell when the delivery boy arrived.

“If Isabelle saw us right now, she would be puking,” Magnus pointed out as they sat close together, feeding each other pieces of sushi.

Alec grinned. “Let’s send her a picture.”

Magnus shook his head, nearly choking on a bite of sushi as Alec took a picture of them. Alec bit his lip, eyes shining as he stared down at his phone, sending the picture to both Isabelle and Jace. There was a fluttering in Magnus’ stomach that he was used to at this point as Alec snorted, a reply quickly coming in.

“Isabelle says she’s glad we’re far away because she’d have to put us out of her misery if she could see us right now,” Alec read off, smirking at his phone.

“Clearly, the picture wasn’t cute enough,” Magnus replied, stealing the phone from Alec’s hands and leaning in to press a kiss to his cheek while taking another picture. “The problem, love, is you need an equally good caption for the photo. How about ‘enjoying our vacay’ with at least three winky faces?”

Alec snorted as Magnus quickly typed out the message before throwing the phone off to the side. Alec shook his head, hand snaking out to pull Magnus’ close. “I love you.”

Magnus ignored the way his heart jumped, grinning widely. He was sure he’d never get tired of hearing those words. “And I love you, Alexander.”

Alec smiled softly, leaning in for a kiss. Just as their lips were about to touch, Magnus flinched away, eyes lighting. “Your show is tonight!” he all but shouted. “I nearly forgot.”

Alec shrugged, leaning back in. “It’s fine, I already told everyone I would miss the live tweeting.”

Magnus pulled away, standing to grab the rest of their food and head back to the bedroom. “It’s not okay,” he said. “I have to know what happens. There was a cliffhanger last week, Alexander.”

Alec’s frown quickly turned into a smile and then a smirk. “You can always watch it later,” he said, standing and grabbing Magnus’ hand. “There were a few things you mentioned earlier that we haven’t gotten around to doing yet,” he whispered in Magnus’ ear before kissing his neck.

Magnus rolled his eyes. “Sorry darling, I love you but we’re watching the show first. Hurry up, it’s already aired back home.”

***

“Are you serious?” Magnus shouted, slamming his laptop shut as the episode ended.

Alec only just held back a snicker as Magnus turned to glare at him.

“Tell me what happens next or I’m breaking up with you.”

Alec bit his lip, holding back a smile as he shook his head. “Sorry, can’t.”

“I mean it, Alexander,” Magnus demanded.

When Alec still didn’t say anything, Magnus climbed on top of him, straddling his hips. “The rest of our little vacation could be very, very nice,” Magnus smirked, leaning in close to let his breath brush across Alec’s skin. Alec tried not to laugh even as he shivered. “Or,” Magnus continued, pulling back. “It could be very boring.”

Alec shook his head again trying not to let just how endearing he found Magnus show. He didn’t remember this from before, the casual playfulness. Everything had seemed so…life or death, full speed ahead or crushing stop. Alec wouldn’t trade any of the time he’d had with Magnus for anything in the world, but he much preferred how things were now. It was the comfort that came with knowing that this wasn’t something that could crash and burn any day now. It was so much more than that.

“Are you trying to bribe me with sex?” Alec asked, feigning shock.

“Obviously,” Magnus snorted.

Magnus seemed to consider him for a moment before changing tactics. His expression went soft, eyes wide, lower lip pushed out in a pout that would normally break Alec within seconds. Alec closed his eyes, shaking his head again.

He kept his eyes closed when Magnus leaned down close again, hands sliding along his chest, mouth hovering right above Alec’s.

“Please?” Magnus whispered before bringing their lips together slowly.

Alec tried to fight it, tried not to kiss back but he was a weak man, easily lost in Magnus’ kiss. Alec’s hands moved, cupping Magnus’ face and holding him close, their lips moving together slowly, soft and unrushed.

“So?” Magnus prompted, pulling back slightly.

Alec shook his head. “Nope. You’ll have to wait for next week.”

Magnus hit him lightly and swiftly climbed from bed.

Alec finally opened his eyes, sitting up quickly. “Where are you going?” he asked, resolve already crumbling.

“I need ice cream,” Magnus grinned, slipping on his shoes. “There’s a late night shop nearby. You’re buying,” he added.

“Am I?” Alec laughed, climbing from bed and tugging on the shirt Magnus tossed at him.

“Yup. If you hope to be able to kiss me again this week.”

Alec didn’t argue further even insisting on buying Magnus an extra scoop.

***

Magnus woke up late in the morning, a pit in his stomach, arms wrapped tightly around Alec. As much as he didn’t want to think about it, didn’t want to ruin any bit of their little vacation from reality, the thought that this was already their last day lingered. By the next afternoon, they’d be on separate flights back away from each other.

Like he could sense Magnus’ thoughts, Alec stretched, turning over slowly and pulling Magnus close. “Don’t think about it,” he whispered, kissing Magnus’ forehead.

Magnus ducked his head, tucking it into Alec’s chest and breathing out slowly. “I’m not thinking about it,” he said.

“Good. Me either.”

Magnus bit back a smile, forcing his mind to shut off so he could just enjoy cuddling with his boyfriend. He felt suddenly like they’d come a long way, the last two days. Not much had changed at all but it felt like it had. Like they’d grown even closer, even more sure of what they were doing. He also knew this would make it both harder and easier to leave each other again when their little break from reality was over.

“What do you want to do today?” Alec asked a little bit later, running his fingers through Magnus’ hair.

Magnus looked up, smirking. “I get to pick?”

“Anything you want.”

Magnus’ grin turned devious, making Alec’s gaze narrow. “I know just the thing.”

***

“You are the most ridiculous person I’ve ever met,” Alec said, voice devoid of emotion as he stared at his reflection, thoroughly unamused.

Magnus peered over his shoulder, raising an eyebrow. “And?”

“ _And_ ,” Alec rolled his eyes, turning to pull Magnus close, nuzzling into his neck. “I love you,” he finished, still not used to being able to say the words. The whole weekend had this perfect dreamlike quality, one he wasn’t looking forward to leaving behind. Part of him wished their whole lives could be like this even while knowing that wasn’t possible and would make them miserable even if it was.

Magnus grinned, kissing Alec’s cheek before pulling away. Heading back into the bedroom, he grabbed the top hat resting on the bed and positioned it on Alec’s head, handing him a pair of sunglasses to go along with it. Alec was already dressed in a nice, perfectly fitted suit, complete with a green tie to match Magnus’ own suit.

“Did you really pack this, knowing we’d need it?” Alec asked, fixing his hat as Magnus slipped his own on.

“Hey, don’t make fun of my packing techniques. I also packed the condoms and lube knowing we’d need them,” Magnus said with a wink.

Alec rolled his eyes. “You know, I don’t think you even believe these disguises will work,” he said, straightening out his suit before moving to fix Magnus’ tie.

Magnus got an overly serious expression on his face, voice flat as he said, “I have no idea what you’re talking about, Alexander.”

“Uh-huh,” Alec hummed. “If anything, these outfits will draw attention. You just like making me look ridiculous.”

Magnus gasped, resting a hand over his heart. “I would _never_ do that and you do not look ridiculous, Alexander. You look stunning, as usual.”

Alec hummed but didn’t respond any further. “How long until I can take the hat off? And sunglasses, inside a club, really?”

Magnus shrugged, tugging on Alec’s hand as he set off for the front room. “Not until I get pictures for Isabelle.”

***

By the time they made it to the club, Alec had lost the sunglasses and hat, along with his suit jacket and tie, untucking his dark button down but still managing to look drop dead gorgeous. Magnus left his own top hat behind, leaving him in his vest and shirt which he unbuttoned enough for his necklaces to brush his skin in a way he knew for a fact always managed to distract Alec.

Magnus had considered spending another night in bed with Alec but what he’d really wanted was to go dancing, something that was normally hard to convince Alec to do but proved easy that night.

Slipping into the club, Magnus held Alec’s hand tightly, pulling him in behind him. As one of the most popular clubs in this part of the city, it was packed but Magnus barely noticed. The dim flashing lights and dozens of bodies dancing as a less than amazing DJ jumped around were interchangeable with a hundred other clubs. The only thing that mattered was that the lights were low enough and alcohol flowing swiftly enough that no one should recognize them.

Magnus made a beeline for the bar, Alec following close behind. Leaning over the bar, Magnus shouted their order to the bartender as Alec slid up behind him, leaning close. Holding back a shiver, Magnus waited until their drinks were placed before him before turning to face Alec, barely any room between their bodies already.

Passing Alec his drink, Magnus leaned in close, whispering in his ear, “To us.”

Alec smiled, one corner of his mouth turning up as they knocked their glasses together. Magnus’ eyes didn’t leave Alec’s as he sipped his drink, smiling his best sexy smirk after swallowing.

Alec’s pupils dilated even as he rolled his eyes. Swiftly discarding both their drinks, Alec took Magnus’ hand, walking backward towards the dance floor.

Magnus grinned happily, heart skipping about like he was some kid about to dance with his crush for the first time. Stopping towards the middle of the dance floor, Magnus willing moved closer when Alec tugged on his hand, wrapping his arms around Alec, mesmerized by the way the flashing lights lit his eyes, dancing along his sharp features.

They weren’t moving, not yet, just holding each other close, eyes locked. Magnus bit his lip, gaze dropping to Alec’s lips and lingering. Alec moved his hand up, cupping Magnus’ face as he leaned in. Magnus’ heart was beating out of his chest like he hadn’t spent the last forty-eight hours having his way with Alec, repeatedly. Still, every time their lips met, Magnus’ heart skipped. It wasn’t anything fancy, there were no sparks or fireworks or maybe there was. Maybe that was the feeling that made his fingers tingle, that sent shivers down his back and made him feel like his chest was about to burst open or maybe that was just because he was so totally and completely in love.

It was just a soft kiss, Alec pulling back far too quickly for Magnus’ liking. Magnus moved to follow when he suddenly registered the song that had just begun playing over the speakers.

Groaning, he buried his head in Alec’s shoulder. Alec started laughing, his whole body shaking with the action. Of all the songs that could play in a club, of course, it had to be one of his.

Alec’s laughter slowly petered out and he leaned down slightly, lips brushing Magnus’ ear. “We’re supposed to be dancing.”

Magnus shivered, pulling back just far enough to glare at Alec who looked far too amused for Magnus’ liking. Of course, he also looked far too endearing, trying to hide a smile, eyes shining. Magnus couldn’t help himself, leaning in to bring their lips back together.

The heat of the club suddenly registered with him, sweat beading his temples, both their palms sweating when Magnus entangled their hands. People were pressing in on every side, the lights pulsing along with the music. Losing himself to Alec, Magnus could almost forget it was his own voice singing the sexy anthem. He barely noticed when they finally started dancing, trailing his lips across Alec’s jaw, feeling the slight prickle of his facial hair as he hadn’t shaved that morning, before kissing along his neck. They were pressed close together, Magnus’ hands now on Alec’s hips, guiding him as they danced. Biting down lightly on the sensitive skin of Alec’s neck, Magnus felt him shiver against his body when he licked over the spot he’d bitten.

“Having fun?” Magnus drawled, trailing his lips to Alec’s ear before pulling back to see his face.

Alec’s eyes looked darker than ever in the bright blue lights, narrowed on Magnus like nothing else in the world existed. His breath stuttered for a moment before he seemed to collect himself, smirking deviously as he pressed closer, resting a hand on Magnus’ chest before slowly trailing it down. “Not really,” he deadpanned.

“Funny,” Magnus replied equally emotionless as he made a show of looking around the room, barely aware of the fact that they were practically shouting to be heard over the loud club. “I could always find someone else to dance with.”

His words had the intended effect as Alec’s hands dropped to his hips, pulling him flush against Alec’s warm body. Magnus’ eyes closed on instinct, breathing in deeply as Alec swiftly bent to kiss along his neck, nibbling at his ear. “Oh really?” Alec asked, voice low and hoarse.

“I could be persuaded to stay,” Magnus replied quickly, voice breathier than intended.

Alec laughed, pulling back slowly, making Magnus groan. “I thought we came to dance,” Alec reminded him.

Magnus sighed. “Fiiiine. Let’s dance.”

***

By the time they left the club, it was the early hours of the morning. They stumbled back to the flat, only just managing to get inside and shut the door before falling back against it, lost in a heated kiss. Alec felt high, drunk, like he’d stood up too fast and the world was falling away beneath him though he’d only had the one drink.

He was drunk on Magnus; Magnus’ laugh, Magnus’ kiss, the fact that they’d spent the last few hours pressed tight against each other. It hadn’t all been so heated, flashes of Magnus spinning about, head thrown back as he laughed, flashed through Alec’s mind as he pushed Magnus up against the nearest wall. Half the time they’d spent teasing each other, the other half had been for actual dancing or simply holding each other close, swaying as they had whispered conversations, shouted into each other’s ears.

“I told you, you wouldn’t regret going dancing, Alexander,” Magnus said with a laugh as he disentangled himself from Alec to pull him towards the bedroom.

“I don’t know why I ever doubt you,” Alec muttered, following quickly and slotting their mouths back together, leading to them blindly stumbling their way back, lucky that neither of them tripped before reaching the bedroom. Very lucky, Alec thought as Magnus pushed him back on the bed, quickly following after him.

***

Magnus had done a million amazing things in his life. Had had a million amazing experiences, done things he’d never thought he would be able to. Had his dreams come true. From playing sold out stadiums to traveling the world to meeting his idols. From seeing some of the most beautiful sights in the world to playing in some of the most prestigious music festivals and a million things in between. He’d won awards, had countless fans tell him just how much his music meant to them. Got to do the thing he loved most, every day of his life. And yet, this seemingly mundane moment was, without a doubt, one of the best of his life, one of his favorite.

Just the pure, simple casualness of lying in bed with Alexander Lightwood. No barriers, no walls, no anything. Just the two of them, alone in their little hideaway, basking in the afterglow.

Alec stirred under where Magnus was resting his head against Alec’s chest, Alec’s arm wrapped around him, his free hand tangled with Magnus’. “What are you thinking?” he asked, voice barely more than a whisper, the hand wrapped around Magnus, casually brushing up and down Magnus’ side, sending peaceful shivers down his spine.

Magnus turned slightly, kissing Alec’s chest before meeting his eyes. He studied Alec, the way his hair stuck out everywhere making it clear as day that Magnus had been running his hands through it. A bruise already forming where Magnus had bit along his collarbone. Lips kiss swollen, eyes bright, mouth curled up just so in a content smile.

Magnus turned his head, settling back against Alec, thumb rubbing lazy circles over the back of Alec’s hand. “I’m happy,” he finally whispered.

Alec smiled, grip tightening slightly around Magnus as Magnus closed his eyes. “Me too.”

***

Alec woke up only a few hours after falling asleep. It wasn’t gradual. One moment he was asleep, the next wide awake, a pit in his stomach, heart sinking stupidly as the thought that, in just a few impossibly short hours, he would be on a plane, leaving Magnus once again. It was vaguely torturous, getting these little breaks from reality where it was like they were the only two people in the world only for it end suddenly as they were thrust back into glaring reality where they lived hundreds of miles apart. It…really, really sucked.

Eyes still closed, Alec rolled over, banishing the thoughts from his mind for now as he wrapped an arm around Magnus’ waist. Pressing a kiss to Magnus’ shoulder, the heavy feeling in his bones slowly disappeared. They still had a few hours, practically a lifetime.

Magnus hummed lightly, pressing back into Alec who slowly opened his eyes. “What are you doing?” he whispered, leaning over Magnus’ shoulder to look at his phone, lazily kissing his bare shoulder once more. “Really Magnus?” he asked as he saw what Magnus was flipping through on his phone.

“I miss him,” Magnus pouted, scrolling through his photo album of Chairman Meow pictures. “Look at him, he looks so tiny here.”

Alec shook his head, chuckling softly, slowly rubbing Magnus’ side.

“He gets so sad when I’m gone, you know,” Magnus sighed.

“You mean he gets sad when I’m gone,” Alec teased, leaning over to kiss Magnus’ cheek before he could protest.

“Shut up,” Magnus muttered, discarding his phone to turn around, facing Alec and tilting his head up for a morning kiss.

“I’m just trying to distract you from the pain of missing him,” Alec said, happily accepting Magnus’ kiss, shivering as Magnus ran his fingers over Alec’s abs.

“Uh-huh,” Magnus said against his lips. “My hero.”

Alec pulled away to smile, Magnus following to recapture his lips. Alec’s head felt pleasantly foggy, his earlier thoughts forgotten as he lost himself in the simple pleasure of kissing Magnus. Their kisses were light, interrupted every few minutes by soft whispers or quiet laughter. Alec never wanted to leave the bed, would be perfectly fine spending the rest of his life right there, Magnus’ arms wrapped around him, talking about nothing at all.

They laid on their sides, facing each other, creating a little bubble that was just the two of them. “Chairman must miss me terribly, I hardly go anywhere without him, you know,” Magnus sighed between kisses.

Chuckling, Alec pressed a soft kiss to the corner of his mouth. “You’ll see him soon,” he replied.

Magnus sighed, resting his head in the crook of Alec’s neck, grip tightening around him. “Don’t remind me.” Alec had to lean in to hear him, his voice was so low.

Kissing the top of Magnus’ head, Alec closed his eyes, breathing out slowly. They laid there like that for a while, neither saying anything. Alec tried not to think but it wasn’t really working. By tonight they’d been miles and miles away from each other again. It wasn’t forever, it wasn’t even that long really. Alec was going to go to the album release in just a week, but he’d only be there for the night and just then a week might as well as have been forever.

Not much had changed the last few days but it felt like it had. For the first time in over two years, Alec had admitted just how much he still loved Magnus. And, better than that, Magnus had told him the same thing. The thought of leaving this place, of having 2,795 miles between them…

Magnus breathed out deeply, turning over onto his back and tugging Alec down with him. Resting his head on Magnus’ shoulder as Magnus’ fingers danced lightly over his skin, Alec sighed. “You make a good pillow,” Alec commented.

“Really?” Magnus quipped. “I thought all those muscles would be uncomfortable.”

Alec snorted, shaking his head. “Shut up.”

A few minutes passed before he admitted quietly, “I don’t want to leave. I just got you back, I don’t want to let you go.”

His words echoed in the otherwise silent room. Magnus’ hand suddenly stilled and he sat up so fast, Alec didn’t have time to move, head falling to the bed with his pillow suddenly gone.

“Magnus?” Alec frowned, sitting up in bed as Magnus crossed the room to where his phone had landed. Alec enjoyed the view for a moment, Magnus dressed in nothing but a pair of tight boxers. Shaking his head, Alec climbed out of bed. “What are you doing?”

Magnus’ thumbs were flying across his phone, typing out a long message. Alec heard the buzz of a return text, frowning as he stepped up behind Magnus. “Magnus?”

Magnus held up a finger, quieting him, still saying nothing.

Alec shook his head. His boyfriend was crazy. It was one of the reasons he loved him. Moving across the room, Alec grabbed a shirt and a pair of sweats, dressing quickly even though it was the last thing he wanted to do.

Finally, Magnus tossed his phone away again. Turning to Alec with a smirk, he stalked towards him. Alec frowned as Magnus stepped close, hand moving behind Alec’s head to pull him down into a heated kiss. Alec stopped frowning, mind going blank as Magnus’ tongue teasingly slipped into his mouth.

When he pulled away, resting their foreheads together, Alec was thoroughly out of breath, thoughts scattered. He breathed in deeply, trying to regroup. “Are you going to tell me what that was about?” he asked, slowly opening his eyes.

Magnus was still smirking, fisting his hands in Alec’s shirt as he shook his head, walking backward to the bed, forcing Alec to follow, not that he wanted to do anything else. Alec stopped when Magnus reached the bed, holding him still, searching his eyes that shined with glee.

“Magnus?”

“Alexander,” Magnus purred, flattening his hand on Alec’s chest.

Alec fought a grin, shaking his head. “Come on,” he whispered, pressing his lips lightly to Magnus’ throat before pulling away again.

“I texted Luke,” Magnus said casually, leaning in to kiss along Alec’s throat, much more determined than Alec had been.

Alec blinked slowly, trying to stay focused as Magnus grazed his teeth along his neck, hand slowly slipping down Alec’s torso. “Why?”

Magnus took his time, taking Alec apart by the second as he trailed his lips to Alec’s ear, hand slipping down towards Alec’s pants. “To switch our flights,” he whispered before lightly biting at Alec’s neck.

Alec moaned, barely hearing the words. His mind worked sluggishly, Magnus hands now trailing back up his stomach under his shirt. “Wait. What?”

Magnus smirked, clearly proud of himself which did nothing to help Alec’s focus. “We missed most of our first day,” Magnus pointed out, hands slipping around to Alec’s back, tugging him close again. “So he’s switching our flights from this afternoon, to tomorrow.”

Alec shook his head slowly, heart skipping. “I love you,” he said, bringing their lips back together.

“I know.”

***

Magnus woke up the next morning without the same sinking in his gut he’d had the day before. Wrapped around Alec, he woke slowly, a smile turning up his mouth, heart pounding along happily. He still didn’t want to leave but it was somehow easier to face today than it had been yesterday. They’d had a good getaway, the day before spent lounging around, walking through the chilly London streets, window shopping. Instead of going out, they’d just been shopping and cooked dinner together before spending the night talking. Alec had pestered Magnus until he brought out his guitar that he took everywhere and played him one of the new songs, telling Magnus again and again that he had nothing to worry about. The album was less than a week from release and everyone would love it. Around the dozenth time, Magnus finally started to believe him.

Kissing Alec’s shoulder, Magnus slowly climbed from bed, heading to the bathroom to shower. He didn’t feel the same crushing melancholy he had the day before. Maybe it was because they’d gone over their schedules when they finally made it out of bed and went to breakfast the day before, already booking the flights for the next two months, even when it was just a day they’d have together. Maybe it was because Magnus had no doubt that this would work. And maybe it was because they’d shown each other again and again over the last three days, just how much they loved each other and that wouldn’t change with a few hundred miles between them. For once, he wasn’t sad to be leaving Alec. Well, he was. But more than that, Magnus was excited for whatever came next.

***

“What are you doing?”

Alec looked up from pulling clothes out of the dresser, mouth going dry as he saw Magnus step out of the bathroom in nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist, water droplets falling from his wet hair, dripping tauntingly down his torso.

Alec cleared his throat, forcing his eyes away. “Packing?” he said, carrying the clothes to the bed, where their suitcases rested. He’d nearly finished, waking up as Magnus slipped off to shower, he’d decided he may as well save them time later.

Magnus hummed thoughtfully, grabbing the clothes Alec had left out for him, a pair of yoga pants and one of Alec’s own shirts and hoodie, so Magnus would be comfortable on the plane later. Magnus leaned in, kissing Alec’s cheek before carrying his clothes and makeup bag back to the bathroom.

Alec finished packing, slipping into the bathroom to shower as Magnus finished getting ready.

“You’re an evil temptress, you know that?” Magnus said, arching one eyebrow even as he stayed facing the mirror, spiking up his hair just right.

Alec laughed. Finished undressing, he leaned in to kiss Magnus’ cheek before jumping in the shower.

Showering quickly, Alec dressed in another pair of sweats and a holey sweater Magnus liked to make fun of, running the towel through his hair to dry it before coming back into the bedroom. Magnus was putting his last few things in his suitcase, frowning down at something.

“What’s wrong?”

Magnus looked up slowly, biting his lip. “Alexander,” he started in an overly serious voice.

Alec raised his eyebrows, holding in a smile.

“Where’s my shirt?” Magnus demanded.

“I packed all your shirts,” Alec said, feigning ignorance as Magnus stepped around the bed, stalking towards him. “ _My_ shirts, however, are in my bag.”

Magnus stopped before him, eyes narrowed in a glare. “You want to play like that?” he asked.

Biting his lip to stop himself from laughing, Alec nodded.

“It’s on,” Magnus whispered, leaning in to let his lips linger over Alec’s before abruptly pulling away. “Breakfast?” he called over his shoulder on his way out of the room.

Alec shook his head, quickly following after Magnus.

***

Magnus stepped close to Alec, resting his forehead against Alec’s back, kissing between his shoulder blades as Alec flipped pancakes. Not wanting the outside world to interfere with their time together, they’d grabbed the things the night before to cook breakfast, which hadn’t been going over well as they seemed to keep getting distracted, no matter how hard they tried not to.

“I love when you cook for me,” Magnus said, arms tight around Alec.

He could hear the smile in Alec’s reply, “Only sometimes.”

Magnus snorted. “Fine, I love cooking together, happy?”

“You love bossing me around.”

“That too,” Magnus agreed, kissing the side of Alec’s neck before pulling away. Stepping up next to Alec, he hip checked him, pushing him out of the way and taking over. Alec laughed. Magnus bit his lip on a smile, staring down at the pancakes like they were the most fascinating thing in the world, like that wasn’t Alec.

Alec moved behind Magnus, taking up Magnus’ place, slipping his arms around Magnus and leaning close to whisper in his ear. “I love you.”

Magnus shivered, nearly messing up the pancake he was flipping. He’d never get tired of hearing that.

“I love you and I love how bossy you get when cooking,” Alec continued. “I love spending time with you and I hate when we’re apart but I also love talking to you on the phone every night. I even love it when you send me a million pictures of Chairman Meow in the exact same spot from multiple angles.”

Magnus laughed, shaking his head. He could barely concentrate on cooking, his heart pounding loudly. It wasn’t very often that Magnus Bane felt flustered but this was one of those rare moments.

“I love that you write songs about me, about us. But, I also love any song you write. And I love your voice, have I ever told you that? Singing, talking, moaning—”

Magnus snorted, turning around in Alec’s arms suddenly. “Shut up.”

Alec grinned. “But I love you,” he pouted.

“Yeah, well I love you too,” Magnus said, not one to be outdone. “I love any minute we get to spend together. I love that you actually like my music and I love that you always know when I’m feeling down and always know exactly what to say. I love that you were in my stupid music video for me —”

Alec shook his head. “It wasn’t stupid.”

“I love your stupid eyebrow scar,” Magnus continued, pretending not to hear him. “And —”

The peaceful moment was shattered as Alec’s phone started blaring a loud pop song.

Magnus snorted, turning away from Alec as he moved to grab his phone off the counter. “I love that you have me set as your ringtone,” Magnus added, pulling the pancakes from the pan right before they would’ve burned.

“Isabelle’s facetiming me,” Alec snorted, leaning back against the kitchen island. “She probably sensed we were being grossly adorable and started puking.”

Magnus chuckled, turning off the stove and turning to Alec as he answered.

“Isabelle, darling, perfect timing. Save me from your sappy brother, would you?” Magnus called, moving close to Alec and slipping an arm around his back.

His smile fell quickly, Alec straightening up next to him.

“Izzy?” Alec asked, voice losing its teasing edge as he frowned. “Is something wrong?”

Isabelle appeared on the screen, looking…frazzled was the only word Magnus could think of. Something Isabelle Lightwood did not look often. Her and Simon’s new kitchen was in the background as she paced, the phone bumping up and down in her hand. Her hair was in a messy bun, not the purposely messy kind, half of it falling down. She looked like she hadn’t slept, biting her lip, eyes wide in concern.

“I’ve been waiting for you to call,” she said, throwing her free hand up in the air. “What the hell is happening Alec?”

Magnus shrugged when Alec glanced at him, frowning. “What are you talking about? You got my text, right? About staying an extra day?”

Isabelle started pacing faster. Magnus’ heart sank suddenly. There was no reason for it but it did, his chest growing tight with panic he had no reason to feel as Isabelle turned wild eyes back to them. She opened her mouth looking set to shout before freezing. Her mouth fell open, eyes going wider as she put a hand in front of her mouth.

“Shit,” she whispered.

Magnus automatically reached out, grabbing Alec’s free hand tightly, like he could sense what was about to happen.

“What is it, Isabelle? Are you okay? Is Simon hurt? Jace?” Alec demanded, going into protective big brother mode.

“What?” Isabelle asked, shaking her head. “No. Everyone’s fine. But…” She paused, licking her lips and shaking her head. “Have you been online? You haven’t, have you?”

Suddenly Magnus was thrown back months. To the night after he ran into Alec again for the first time. To Clary coming in, demanding he look online. To his heart sinking, world tittering on the edge.

Alec squeezed his hand, bringing him back to the present.

“No,” Alec finally said. Magnus couldn’t look away from his face, seeing his own fears echoed there. What happened now? “Why, Isabelle?”

“I—” Isabelle shook her head. “I think you have to see it for yourselves.”

Magnus was already moving to grab his own phone. He didn’t need Isabelle to tell him what to search, quickly typing in his own name. Millions of hits. And right there, at the top, an article written by Sebastian Morgenstern. Magnus stopped breathing. “Playboy Magnus Bane at it again. Inside sources say he cheated on Alexander Lightwood of the prestigious Hollywood Lightwoods, with ex-girlfriend Camille Belcourt.”

Magnus read the headline, again and again, numb, unable to click on the link. He couldn’t believe it. Wasn’t even aware he’d read the headline aloud until Alec cursed.

“What the fuck?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Listen, LISTEN, it's not as bad as you might think! I PROMISE. And the next chapter will come as soon as humanly possible! Thanks for reading for so long everyone, this is that final plot point I was talking about. <3<3<3
> 
> Now that that's out of the way... What'd you think? Any favorite parts? Favorite lines? XOXOXOX
> 
> Yell at me on [Tumblr @imawriteriwrite](http://imawriteriwrite.tumblr.com/)! Which is where you can find snippets! Also, check out my newer fic, Plus One, which I'll be posting the second half to next week! And, lastly, I love you all. <3


	25. I'm looking right at the other half of me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, my heart to Maud whom saves me lots of embarrassment and calms my worries (sorry for being sappy) <3
> 
> Shout out to [s0ftmalec](https://s0ftmalec.tumblr.com/) on tumblr who inspired a certain scene in this chapter. I hope it lives up to expectations. ;) <3
> 
> Chapter title from Mirrors by Justin Timberlake

Magnus tried to sleep on the plane, head on Alec’s shoulder, hands entwined loosely but, no matter what he did, he couldn’t turn his mind off. _Magnus Bane and Alec Lightwood split up. Magnus Bane and Camille Belcourt, love or lust? Magnus Bane, pop star or play boy?_

Magnus squeezed his eyes shut tighter before opening them, turning his head to stare out the window at the darkening world. The headlines floated around his mind, again and again, making his heart clench, anger swirling around in his gut. He should be use to this by now, it was one of the great downsides to being openly out about his sexuality. Bi obviously meant cheating. At least, that’s how all the worst gossip sites saw it. He should’ve known. Things were too good, he was happy. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d actually been allowed to be happy.

He wanted to kill Camille. All those pictures from when she blindsided him outside his apartment, now titled “Camille Belcourt seen leaving Magnus Bane’s loft early one morning in last night’s clothes”. Or at that cocktail party a few weeks ago when he’d been doing everything to get her to leave him alone and she kept clinging to him.

And Sebastian, who’d of course been the first to break the story on his godforsaken site, playing at being a journalist. Magnus didn’t have words for what he wanted to do to him.

Magnus loved his life, he loved his job, nothing made him happier than the fact that he got to do what he loved but this… This was the kind of thing that made him want to quit. This was the part that he hated. He had no personal life anymore and he was constantly dragged through the mud for crap rumors anyone with a brain would be able to figure out were a lie. He couldn’t count on his hands how many times he’d been called a cheater since loudly declaring his bisexuality not long after getting a record deal. And that? That really hurt and _really_ pissed him off. It was a harmful stereotype that couldn’t be further from the truth.

“Magnus.”

Magnus closed his eyes, breathing in deeply. By this point, he was an expert at not letting things like this get to him but this — this was bringing up memories he’d rather forget altogether. Like history repeating itself. He really didn’t want history to repeat itself. He wanted to go back to the day before, or even that morning, in the kitchen in London with Alec, when they were so happy that it was gross.

When Magnus finally opened his eyes, looking over at Alec, neither said a word. They were getting close to New York now, the only two people on the private plane Luke had been quick to arrange that morning. The closer they got, the tighter the knots in Magnus’ stomach tied. This wasn’t how Magnus had planned on their vacation ending. They hadn’t even eaten the breakfast they’d made, fielding phone calls left and right, with agents and PR people and everyone in between, not to mention Izzy and Clary and Raphael and Ragnor and Jace. Magnus was getting a headache just remembering it.

Turning in his seat, he leaned forward, resting his forehead against Alec’s, breathing him in with each inhale. They’d barely talked to each other all day, what was there to say? And they were both so busy talking to everyone else… When Alec tilted his head back, their lips meeting in a soft, chaste kiss the complete opposite of most their kisses the last few days, Magnus’ heart skipped. He fell headfirst into the comfort that Alec offered, losing himself to it for a few minutes, allowing himself to forget the mess that they were headed straight into.

Nothing could stop the rumor mill; social media had blown up hours ago, fans avidly discussing the situation, taking sides. Some defending Magnus, others saying he was a terrible person. God, Magnus didn’t even care about that. Rumors were always forgotten eventually and, sure it might mess with his album release but even that didn’t matter just then. All he cared right then, was that it didn’t ruin this. Alec brushing his fingers across Magnus’ cheek, kissing him softly. Magnus could handle anything else, as long as he didn’t lose this.

“I love you,” Magnus whispered, voice hoarse when they broke apart.

Alec smiled his half smile, eyes shining, looking pathetically in love in a way that made Magnus grin. “I love you too,” he whispered back, pulling Magnus in for another kiss.

Everything would be fine, Magnus thought. As long as Alec kept kissing him like that. Everything would be perfect.

***

Everything was a blur. The morning, the plane ride, the rush at the airport. Before Alec knew it, Hodge was there leading him one way while Luke led Magnus another.

“What’s going on?” Alec demanded, chest tight, stomach in knots as he slipped into the back of the SUV, Hodge pushing in next to him. “Where’s Magnus?”

Hodge leaned forward, giving directions to the driver before turning back to Alec. “It’s good you were gone when this broke,” Hodge started, focus on his phone rather than Alec. “Reporters were outside the apartment building all morning. I don’t want you to worry about a thing, I’m handling the situation.”

Alec shook his head, he didn’t care about that. “Where’s Magnus? And what is the situation, exactly?”

“We thought it best not to risk you being seen together. This isn’t to do with you two right now, we have to figure out how best to direct the narrative to make you look good.”

Alec frowned. “What? How is this not about us? We should be together right now, figuring this out together. I don’t care how I look to the media; I care about Magnus.”

“I know and that’s why you have to trust me,” Hodge assured him, looking up from his phone for a brief moment. “This is the best way to do things. Don’t worry, I’ll handle this.”

Alec shook his head, pulling out his phone to text Magnus before realizing it was dead. Fuck. They’d been pulled away so fast he hadn’t gotten to say anything. He should’ve said something on the plane but he’d been in shock or…something. The last three days had been so good, perfect, and then this happened. Alec had never been good with dealing with the media. He didn’t care what they said about him but he hated the rumors. This is what fucked everything up the first time. Alec shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut, finding it harder to breathe as the car shrank around him.

“Handle it?” Alec scoffed. “How did it _happen_?”

Hodge shrugged, seeming mostly unconcerned with the whole situation. “You know how it goes, Alec. You know what these gossip sites are like, the truth doesn’t matter nearly as much as the pageviews. It wouldn’t be a big deal if it weren’t for Magnus being one of the most popular musicians at the moment.”

Alec frowned at Hodge’s phrasing, the way he talked about Magnus like he was nothing more than an inconvenience. Hands tightening into fists, it took everything in him not to lash out at Hodge. They were all stressed right now, Hodge was just doing his job.

“We just have to figure out how to respond to it,” Hodge finished, unaware of Alec’s internal battle.

“And we can’t do that together?” Alec demanded. It didn’t feel right, not being with Magnus during this… crapfest.

“Trust me, it’s best for you to be apart for now.”

Alec snorted, shaking his head slowly, eyes closed to help refrain from the urge to hit Hodge. He was just doing his job, looking out for Alec. He just didn’t seem to get that the best thing for Alec was _Magnus_.

Alec spent the remainder of the drive to his apartment trying to calm himself down. Sure, this sucked, but everything would be fine. They could handle a few rumors, he was only really worried about what this would do to Magnus. He wanted to kill Sebastian for insinuating that Magnus would ever cheat on anyone. And right before Magnus’ album release, something like this could really affect sales.

And this… this was exactly what tore them apart before. The constant spotlight on Magnus that Alec was always trying to hide from. The stories released every other week. But this wasn’t like that, Alec reminded himself. Before, they were hiding. Before, he was an idiot who nearly believed the stupid tabloids. He knew better now.

His heart hurt thinking about the last few days; saying ‘I love you’, everything finally feeling like it was perfect. And now… God, he didn’t want to deal with this bullshit. He didn’t want Magnus to have to deal with it. He wished he could protect Magnus from this, knowing that no matter how much Magnus didn’t care what people thought of him this was hurting him.

The car pulled up to the back of the apartment building. Alec’s bodyguard stepped out of the passenger seat, holding the door open for him before shuffling him inside. There were no signs of paparazzi but that didn’t mean they wouldn’t show up at any possible moment.

Once safely in the elevator, Alec leaned back against the wall, sighing. He ran a hand over his face, trying to force the world away. The elevator dinged when they arrived on the top floor.

Alec had barely taken a step out when someone knocked into him, arms wrapping around his neck. “Alec!” Isabelle shouted, hugging him tightly.

Alec stumbled in surprise before catching himself. Hugging her back, the anxiety eating away at his gut abated for a moment. “Izzy, what are you doing here?” he all but whispered.

Isabelle pulled back, grinning widely even as she looked him over carefully like she might find some sign about how he was doing. “Simon and I flew in right away. Where else would I be?”

Alec shook his head, squeezing her close again. “You didn’t have to do that.”

“Of course, I did,” Isabelle said, smile turning softer.

“We should get inside,” Hodge said behind them.

Isabelle winced. “Warning, Mom and Dad are here.”

Alec closed his eyes, rubbing the back of his neck. This was the last thing he wanted to deal with. “And Jace?”

“Is also here. Clary and Simon are with Magnus even though I told Hodge we should all be together,” Isabelle said with a pointed glare at Hodge. “I’m going to kill Sebastian,” she added, turning to the apartment and marching in with her head high. “Shove my nine-inch heel through his throat.”

Alec chuckled, shaking his head. “I won’t try to stop you.”

“How’s Magnus? I can’t believe the vile things Sebastian said, it’s sick,” she continued, hands clenched into tight fists.

“He’s fine,” Alec said though he wasn’t quite sure. “You know Magnus, he doesn’t care what the tabloids say. He’s just pissed.” Alec swallowed dryly, letting his bag fall. He was struggling to pull air in, chest tight. He should’ve talked to Magnus. He should’ve refused to leave his side. What was he thinking? How was he feeling? Alec’s stomach ached at being separated.

“Alec,” Jace called, stepping forward as soon as Alec stepped foot in the door, pulling him into a hug. “You okay, man?”

Alec nodded, patting Jace’s back before pulling away. His parents stood near the balcony; Alec kissed his mother, nodding at his father.

“I don’t see what the big deal is,” Isabelle grumbled, anger clear in her voice as she stepped up to the bar, pouring a drink. “Magnus should be here. So Sebastian and a few other idiots started some rumors. Wait for them to die out and go on with life.”

Hodge finally slipped his phone away, looking grave. “It’s not that simple, Isabelle.”

“Because of Magnus’ album,” Alec agreed, moving to flop down on the couch. “Who knows what these rumors will do to his sales.”

“That,” Hodge agreed, glancing away quickly. “But I’m more concerned about your career.”

“Mine?” Alec frowned, waving away Isabelle’s offer of a drink. “What’s it got to do with me? The show has already started, that was the point of this anyway, get more attention for the show. And they aren’t saying anything bad about me, unless you count the lovely comments concerning my sexuality.”

Hodge sighed, inclining his head in assent. “Yes, that’s true. We’re lucky in that they painted you as the victim, but, you’re this close to a giant role, they want you to come in for a chemistry reading with their lead actress. We don’t want this messing that up.”

Ignoring the news about the movie, Alec shook his head. “How could this mess that up?”

“That’s what we have to make sure doesn’t happen. These things have a way of spiraling out of control. We need the fans on your side.”

“What side?” Isabelle interrupted. “It’s not real. Magnus didn’t cheat. They _aren’t_ broken up.”

Hodge shook his head, pacing around the living room that was messier than usual with Jace being left to his own devices the last few days. “It’s not that simple. This is about Alec’s career.”

“And Magnus’.”

“Magnus,” Maryse scoffed. “You never should’ve gotten back together with _that man_.”

Jaw clenched, Alec closed his eyes, trying to hold in his anger.

“And Magnus’,” Hodge nodded. “It’s not about them, it’s about their image and how we want them to be perceived. We need to get out ahead of this. Distance you from these rumors before they affect your career.”

Alec held a hand up, making everyone fall silent. Isabelle poured another drink, passing it to Jace, the two of them looking set to bash some faces in. Robert and Maryse seemed thoroughly unaffected by what was happening, Alec had no idea why they were even there.

“My career isn’t my concern right now,” he said, standing. He needed to charge his phone, call Magnus. “Magnus is.”

“Alec,” Robert started. “Think about what you’re saying. You don’t want to damage your career for some man—”

“That _man_ ,” Alec interrupted sharply. “Is more important than my career.”

“Alexander,” Maryse said, shaking her head. “Be serious—”

“I am being serious. I love Magnus and he is my only concern right now.” The room fell silent at Alec’s forceful tone. Isabelle grinning proudly as Jace snorted at the looks of shock on their parents’ faces.

Hodge sighed, typing away at his phone once more. “I get that, Alec, but it’s my job to care and worry about your career—”

“What the fuck?” Isabelle swore suddenly.

Alec’s only thought was, what now? as he headed over to see what she was looking at on her phone. Alec stared at the article for a moment, speechless. Then he looked up, voice emotionless as he asked, “Hodge? Care to explain this?”

***

Magnus was numb. People were talking around him, things were happening, the endless articles floating through his mind, but he was numb to it all. Even as Alec was led away from him, he was barely aware of what was happening.

God, he _hated_ this. He just wanted it all to go away, to be back in London, locked away for the week with Alec. He’d been wrong, this wasn’t the real world, that was. This all felt like some kind of nightmare.

Catarina was waiting in the car. She immediately started talking a mile a minute, explaining the situation. Sebastian had started the rumors, by the time it got out it was too late to quietly put a stop to them. They were looking into a lawsuit already, for the slander to Magnus’ name. They were crunching numbers but hoped that since only the worst of the sites had picked up the story, sites only the lowest of the low believed, it wouldn’t affect the launch too much. They needed to release a statement soon though, get out ahead of the story. The paparazzi were circling like hungry sharks, everyone looking for a juicy story on one of the biggest pop stars of the century.

Magnus only heard every other word, saying next to nothing the whole ride. They went to Luke and Jocelyn’s, Magnus’ apartment currently surrounded by paparazzi.

“Magnus!”

Magnus stumbled back, knocked out of his stupor the moment he walked into the flat. He smiled despite himself. “Nice to see you too, Biscuit,” he chuckled, hugging Clary.

“You okay?” Clary asked, pulling back to let Jocelyn hug Magnus.

Magnus nodded. “It’s not like it’s the first time nasty rumors have arisen about me,” he said, trying to laugh it off.

“Yeah but…with Alec,” Clary trailed off.

Magnus shrugged, waving it off even as his heart sank.

“Don’t worry,” Simon said, encouragingly, pulling Magnus into a half hug. “You guys are perfect together. A little rumor isn’t going to ruin that.”

Magnus accepted a cup of tea from Jocelyn, feeling oddly touched by Simon’s reassurances.

“I mean, you have an epic love story here. And you’re amazing at what you do. All of this is going to blow over.”

Magnus quirked an eyebrow, sipping his tea. “Hopefully,” he muttered, moving to sit at the kitchen table. Everyone else sat, leaving just Luke and Catarina, taking turns pacing the kitchen, eyes glued to their phones. Magnus was used to handling these kinds of situations, ignoring the two of them as they did whatever it was they were doing.

“What are you even doing here Sherwin?” he asked, idly spinning his mug.

“Izzy and I flew in this morning. She wants to kill Sebastian,” he added thoughtfully.

“She’s not the only one,” Clary muttered darkly.

Magnus smirked. “Down dog,” he said, eyeing Clary’s clenched fists.

“Okay,” Catarina said, sitting down opposite of Magnus. She smiled tiredly, shaking her head. “Did you have a nice vacation?”

Raising an eyebrow, Magnus merely nodded.

“Good. I’m glad you got to do that before shit hit the fan.”

“What even happened?” Jocelyn asked. “How did this spiral so quickly?”

Catarina sighed, rubbing her forehead. “We don’t know. Morgenstern has probably been sitting on this “story” for a while now. He’s never liked Magnus. He’s known for ruining careers; it’s how he makes his money. Knowing him, he saved it for now to maximize the impact, what with the album releasing Friday.”

“So what are we going to do?” Luke asked, stopping behind Magnus’ chair like a guard dog.

“Well, we’ll need to release a statement probably. For now, we’ll start with denying the rumors of Magnus and Camille but I would advise against talking about it too much. We need this to blow over, not blow up. Don’t answer questions about it in interviews, focus on the music. It seems like a big deal now, I know, but only because we weren’t expecting something like this. It’s Morgenstern though, this will blow over soon. Everyone knows he has no credibility. We lie low, let it pass.”

Magnus breathed out deeply, nodding. He could do that.

“Now,” Cat started, sitting up straighter. “You and Alec—”

She was interrupted by her phone suddenly blowing up with messages. A second later, Luke’s started doing the same. Magnus’ heart sank.

Cat glanced at her phone, face going blank. “Well, fuck,” she breathed.

Magnus looked up, forcing the smile to stay on his face. “What now?” he asked. They both stared at their phones, fuming. Luke’s jaw locked, Catarina’s eyes narrowed in a sharp glare.

“I’m going to kill Hodge,” Luke said, voice deadly serious as he sat down heavily next to Magnus.

Magnus picked up his tea, taking a drink as he waited. It would be fine, he told himself again and again. He could handle stupid rumors, they didn’t do anything but annoy him. And he and Alec… They would be fine this time.

Cat and Luke exchanged a look. Clary reached out, squeezing Magnus’ hand. “Come on, you guys,” Magnus said, trying to sound light-hearted. “My puppy didn’t die. Just…tell me. How bad can it be?”

Luke slipped his phone away, sighing as he turned to Magnus. “Someone just released a statement for Alec.”

Magnus sat up straight, unable to maintain his carefree appearance. “What?”

“He confirmed the breakup,” Luke said, deep voice turning soft, eyes locked on Magnus like he was waiting to comfort him.

Magnus froze, heart sinking before he shook his head. “That wasn’t Alec’s decision,” he said surely. “He wouldn’t do that.”

“This is fine,” Catarina jumped in. “This is good. It will blow over now and we can figure out how to deal with your relationship later. Having you appear single can only help with ticket sales.”

Magnus snorted. “Ticket sales? I don’t care about ticket sales,” he said flatly. He felt like screaming but couldn’t find the energy to. He stood slowly, turning to grab his coat, having discarded his hoodie when they walked in. He slipped his coat on over Alec’s shirt that he was still wearing. This day felt far too long, he wanted it to end already.

When he turned back around, everyone was watching him closely, like they were afraid of what he was going to do.

“We aren’t going to get anywhere working this on two sides,” Magnus said. “None of this matters. The album will sell either way. I don’t care about that. I don’t care what Hodge is doing, or what you do. I’m going to see my boyfriend. You can come with or sit around talking about my image. I don’t care either way.”

***

“Listen, Alec, Magnus’ team knew about this, we needed to get out ahead of it,” Hodge explained calmly.

Alec stared at him, one eye squinted in concentration. Isabelle was glaring next to him, arms crossed as Jace took her phone to read the article. It’d been posted just a few minutes before, a statement saying that Magnus and Alec had broken up. The only thing holding in Alec’s temper was the fact that it didn’t address the cheating rumors, stating they ended things over the weekend and it was all very applicable.

“What do you mean they knew about this?” Isabelle asked.

Hodge shrugged. “Why do you think it happened now of all times? They need the press for the album release.”

Alec shook his head. He didn’t believe that for a second. Magnus would’ve warned him if he knew and besides—

“Why would they do that?” Jace said, voicing his thoughts. “This doesn’t paint Alec as the bad guy, if they were trying to gain publicity they wouldn’t paint Magnus as the bad guy.”

“I don’t know who did it, but my sources say a leak came from Magnus’ camp.”

“Bullshit.” Alec shook his head. “Why would they do that?”

“Maybe they have a mole,” Hodge said, typing something on his phone before looking up again. Met with all three Lightwood siblings glaring at him, he raised his hands in surrender. “I don’t know what’s going on, I’m just playing it by ear. As for the statement, you pay me to look out for your career, that is what I’m doing. Besides, it was the PR team who issued that statement. Not me.”

Alec eyed him a moment longer, he didn’t know what to think, what to do anymore. Everything was blowing up so fast. He’d never been good at handling media situations.

Before he could say anything, there was a light, cheerful knock on the door.

“Who—”

Ignoring Hodge, Alec moved to answer, everything happening in that room fading to background noise, a relieved smile crossing his face even before he opened the door and pulled Magnus into a tight hug. The second Magnus wrapped his arms around him, sighing against Alec’s neck, everything felt perfect again. His racing thoughts stopped, his heart calmed. They could handle this together.

***

“I hear we broke up,” Magnus teased, pulling back from Alec enough to look into his eyes. Alec snorted, mouth tugged up in a half smile that eased the last of Magnus’ anxiety.

“Such a shame,” Alec shot back, leaning in for a soft kiss.

“Really,” Magnus mumbled between kisses, completely forgetting where they were. “I wish we’d known sooner. Pretty sure most people who’ve just broken up don’t do what we did all week.”

Alec chuckled, the sound making Magnus feel lighter. Magnus decided then that he wouldn’t let any of this get to him. They would deal with it and get through it and then everything would be perfect again.

Resting their foreheads together, Magnus smoothed his hands across Alec’s chest, breathing him in. Alec searched his eyes for a moment like he was trying to figure out what to say.

“I didn’t tell them to release that statement,” he finally said, voice soft, just loud enough for Magnus to hear.

Magnus smiled, wrapping his arms back around Alec. “I know.”

Luke and Catarina arrived then, Simon and Clary trailing behind. Magnus didn’t bother looking up as they slipped into the room around them, he would just continue to stand here with Alec and everything else could figure itself out for all he cared.

“What do you think you’re doing Hodge?” Luke demanded, practically growling.

Magnus closed his eyes, squeezing Alec close.

“What I’m doing is none of your business. I’m trying to protect my client.”

“Bullshit.”

Alec leaned close, blocking out the noise of their agents fighting. “Does this mean we get to have breakup sex?”

Magnus snorted, the action surprising them both as their heads knocked together. Magnus smirked, pulling away slowly. “If you’re lucky,” he winked, heading fully into the apartment, Alec close behind him.

“Let’s try to be civil boys,” Catarina said, standing in the middle of the living room, ready to take charge. “Let’s not make this a bigger deal than it is. There’s nothing to do now but handle the situation.”

Luke bristled, leaning back against the wall, arms crossed, glare in place. Hodge straightened his suit, looking far too happy with himself for Magnus’ liking. Magnus watched him closely, mind turning slowly. He’d never liked Hodge, he didn’t know why, just a feeling he had. It didn’t help that every time they found themselves in a situation like this he acted without anyone’s consent.

“What’s the plan?” Magnus asked, letting Alec pull him close after sitting down on the couch.

“Well, there’s not much to do now,” Catarina said all business. “You’ll have to lay low for a bit, no being seen in public together—”

“Why can’t we just deny the rumors?” Alec interrupted, squeezing Magnus’ hand.

Catarina sighed, turning to shoot Hodge a cold look. “We might have been able to do that, before your team released a statement. I’m sure Hodge doesn’t want you going back on that now?”

Hodge shook his head, standing up straight and commanding. “Definitely not. That would only create more problems. Besides, with everything that has happened, it’s best for you to be separated from Magnus for now.”

Alec bristled, mouth opening to say something. Magnus ignored the pain in his chest, reminding himself that it was nothing personal. Luke, however, didn’t hold back. Straightening up, he stalked over towards Hodge, getting right in his face. “I would suggest you more carefully phrase your words from now on Starkweather,” he said in a low voice.

“I’m just telling them the truth. It’s better for Alec’s image right now to be as separated from this situation as possible.”

“I don’t—” Alec started.

“And what about Magnus’ image? You don’t give a shit about that, do you?” Luke demanded, taking a step closer.

“ _Enough_ ,” Isabelle’s voice cut through the room, instantly silencing everyone. Magnus bit back a smile as she stalked forward from the bar, drink clasped tightly in her hand, eyes on fire as she glared at everyone. “This is all such bullshit; you’re making it more complicated than it needed to be. Hodge,” she said, turning to glare at the manager. “You may be a family friend and all three of our manager but I swear to god if I find out you released that statement I will cut you.”

Magnus raised an eyebrow, almost feeling bad for the guy as he went suddenly pale. “That was the PR team Isabelle, I’m sorry, I couldn’t stop them.”

“Well, fire them,” she snapped. “They can’t do that without Alec’s permission. Now leave the testosterone out of this and act like you’re competent at your job.”

Magnus turned his face into Alec’s shoulder, stifling the urge to laugh hysterically.

“Isn’t anyone a little bit curious how this keeps happening?” Isabelle continued. “How does Sebastian keep doing this crap? Getting this shit? The pictures, his “inside source”?”

“Probably Camille,” Magnus said, pulling away from Alec, urge to laugh forgotten as he glared at the room at large. “She likes to create drama. Hurt people. Make herself look good.”

“But why now? To ruin Magnus’ album launch? Does he hate you that much? God, I want to strangle him.”

Jace stepped forward, patting Isabelle’s arm and carefully taking the glass she was demonstrating her feelings on away from her before she could break it.

Catarina cleared her throat suddenly. “Look, the situation is not dire. It’s not ideal but we can make this work. Unfortunately, social media is exploding. Taking sides. There are even rumors that your relationship was never real, purely for promotional services —”

“Which isn’t entirely a lie,” Magnus mumbled.

“It is now,” Alec said, holding one of Magnus’ hands in both of his. Rubbing lazy circles around his pulse point.

“Suffice to say, it’s too late to deny it currently. Meaning the best thing to do is ignore it. I’ll come up with a game plan for you, Magnus, but for now, we’re denying the rumors of a Camille relationship and saying nothing about Alec, got it? Interviews start the day after tomorrow, you’re swamped until the album release. You two will lay low; during interviews, you keep everything on topic, ignore questions about your relationship except to cool rumors of Camille, got it?”

Magnus nodded, swallowing a lump in his throat.

“We’re looking into what action we can take against Sebastian and where exactly he’s getting his “information”. But we won’t let this ruin launch week, okay?”

Magnus nodded again, staring straight ahead. He didn’t glance at Alec to see what he was thinking, trying to ignore the sinking in his heart.

“Alec, meanwhile, is clearly playing the wounded party,” Cat continued, not so subtly glaring at Hodge.

“That’s great and all,” Jace suddenly spoke up. “But what are they supposed to do? Sneak around for the next who knows how long?”

Magnus was touched despite himself, the anger in Jace’s voice betraying his protective side as he came to stand next to Alec.

Catarina sighed. “Unfortunately, yes. They just need to lie low for a little while, until things calm down.”

“How long?” Isabelle demanded.

“Until the album release at least. Hopefully, once the tour starts, things will calm down. Everyone will forget and we can slowly start to go public with it again.”

“Wouldn’t it be best to get it over with now though?” Isabelle frowned. “What’s going to change in a month or two that will suddenly make it easier to explain?”

Magnus was content to sit back and let Isabelle handle things, wanting to be anywhere but there.

“Right now, we need to focus on the album launch. If we come out now, denying it all, it’s only going to further convince everyone that all of this has only been for PR. It’s best for both their careers that they’re single anyway.”

“That’s what I’ve been saying. Especially since Alec is up for this part—”

Alec stood suddenly, making Hodge trail off. Turning to Cat, he leveled her with a serious look. “I don’t care what’s best for me, I’m not the one being attacked in Sebastian’s article. Just, tell me what’s best for Magnus’ career.”

Magnus froze, mouth falling open, heart skipping. He stared up at Alec, barely hearing what everyone else was saying.

“Don’t be stupid, Alexander,” Maryse said from the other side of the room. Alec held a hand up, silencing her.

“There’s not much to be done, really,” Catarina said calmly. “These rumors have gone around before, they’ll come again. We just have to wait for them to pass. We need to present a front of Magnus being solely concerned with his career right now. We want the attention off of this, off of you two, and solely on him and the music.”

Alec nodded. “So, we’re officially broken up in the media’s eye.”

Cat hesitated, looking torn, before nodding.

“Alec, we need to talk about—”

Alec held his hand up to silence Hodge again before turning to Magnus and cocking his head to the side. Magnus found himself biting back a grin as he stood up, accepting Alec’s outstretched hand.

“Send us notes on what we’re doing when you’ve decided,” Magnus said. "Until then, we’ll be at my apartment.”

***

It wasn’t that big of deal, Alec told himself firmly, staring out the window as they headed towards Magnus’ apartment. Maybe it was for the best even. Their relationship wouldn’t be in the spotlight anymore. There’d be no more interviews that ended up being more about their relationship than their careers. It would be personal again, just between the two of them. But – _fuck_ – Alec didn’t want to have to hide again. He’d just stopped hiding. He didn’t want to have to pretend he wasn’t madly and happily and crazily in love with Magnus Bane.

He spent the drive trying hard not to think about the fact that he already had a flight booked but now he wouldn’t be going to the album launch. Or how it’d become even harder to see each other. How, all those things he’d once refused to do because he was too afraid of coming out, he once again, couldn’t do. How had everything gotten messed up so fast again? Why did fame have to be so complicated? Why couldn’t they just do whatever they wanted without having to worry how the media would twist it? Why did this keep happening to them…

Alec had no idea what time it was, his limbs felt weighed down, eyes heavy, but sleep was far away as they climbed the stairs to Magnus’ apartment. For a moment, stepping into the apartment, he was thrown back in time. He’d practically lived here for a while, hardly ever leaving when Magnus was in New York. Stepping through the front door, it was like he could see their ghosts, lingering all over the room, caught in various moments in time. Most the ones that still lingered, memories the crispest, were of their fights, before they broke up. They never knew how to handle the fights, nothing ever got resolved. They’d get to a point where they couldn’t continue ignoring how they were feeling anymore and would blow up at each other only for one of them to walk away and then pretend it had never happened a few hours later. That, was where their problems started. It wasn’t that Alec was in the closet. It wasn’t Sebastian’s articles and Alec’s stupid jealousy. It wasn’t Magnus asking more than he could give or both of them refusing to compromise. It was that, at some point, they’d forgotten how to communicate, or maybe they just never quite figured it out back then.

Alec sighed, following Magnus back to the bedroom without turning any lights on, somewhere he hadn’t stepped foot in two years. He wouldn’t let them repeat the same mistakes again.

The bedroom looked the same and different. New records hung on the dark walls, the bedspread was bright red instead of gold. But everything else was the same. Alec set Magnus’ suitcase on the bed, turning to say something when he was distracted by Magnus tugging him close, their chests touching before Magnus leaned in, capturing Alec’s lips without a word. Everything around them settled, the world turning back upright as Alec let his hands trail down Magnus’ sides, holding him close.

Magnus tilted his head, deepening the kiss, and Alec was taken back to London, forgetting the whole mess that had been this day. Back to when the world had stood still and they were the only people who existed.

“Promise me,” Alec panted when they broke apart, eyes closed, foreheads resting together as he tried to catch his breath. “Promise me, we won’t let this get to us. And we won’t ignore it. I want this to work Magnus, I love you, so much. But we can’t do what we did before. When things get crazy, we… we can’t push each other away.”

Breathing deeply to try to even out his heartbeat when Magnus didn’t say anything right away, he blinked his eyes open slowly, met with Magnus’ gaze that shone brightly in the dim room. He searched Alec for a moment, expression blank before an amazed sort of smile crossed his face.

“I love you,” Magnus whispered, leaning in close to kiss him again which didn’t work well as they were both grinning now.

“So, you agree?” Alec mumbled.

“No pushing each other away,” Magnus nodded. “Actually doing that strange thing, what’s it called, communicating? Sounds good.”

Alec chuckled, shaking his head. “You’re insufferable.”

“You love me.”

“I do,” Alec agreed, leaning in to try that whole kissing thing again. Despite Magnus’ wide smile, it worked better now. For a moment they just stood there, holding each other close, kissing lazily while Alec’s heart bounced around his chest, and Alec was sure it would be fine. They could handle anything this time, whatever the world threw at them. They wouldn’t crumble so easily now.

“This, all of this,” Magnus said a few minutes later, waving his hand around idly. “I’m sorry. I hate that it’s happening.”

Alec’s heart broke, seeing the way Magnus’ eyes dimmed as he talked about it. He shook his head slowly, tightening his hold on Magnus. “It’s not your fault Magnus, if anything, it’s mine,” Alec paused, breathing out deeply. “They never should’ve released that statement. It might’ve been easier to deny and ignore then.”

Magnus shook his head. “You don’t know that for sure.”

Alec shrugged, glancing away. He didn’t want to think about this, it was giving him indigestion.

“Either way, it’s not our faults,” Magnus said, tilting Alec’s face back toward him. “We’re in this together and we’ll get through it.”

“I like the sound of that.” Alec smiled, slipping a hand behind Magnus’ head to pull him in for another deep kiss. For now, they could at least pretend nothing else existed, for a little while.

Alec groaned when Magnus’ phone buzzing distracted him and Magnus pulled away, reaching for it.

“Ignore it,” Alec said, following and trailing his lips down across Magnus’ neck.

“Could be something important,” Magnus replied, breath quickening as Alec slipped his hands up under Magnus’ shirt.

“Is it?” Alec asked, idly licking over the spot he’d just bitten, making Magnus gasp. He pulled back a minute later when Magnus didn’t reply, looking up to see his expression fall. “What?”

“Luke sent me my flight confirmation. I leave at ten tomorrow morning.”

***

Magnus lingered in the shower, letting the hot water numb him, blocking out his thoughts. He didn’t want to think just then. He didn’t want to worry and he didn’t want to be angry. He just wanted to go back to the day before when he was happier than he could ever remember being and life was as close to perfect as it was going to get.

He stayed in the shower until his fingers started to wrinkle and he started feeling guilty for hiding from Alec. It wasn’t Alec he was hiding from, it was the rest of the world. It wasn’t often Magnus resented his fame, he knew his fans were the only reason he was anything but moments like this… As much as he loved his life and loved that he got to live out his dream, it sucked sometimes. Sometimes he hated it. Sometimes it prevented him from having any other dreams at all, including the dream that was Alexander Lightwood.

Magnus dried off quickly, leaving his hair to air dry, not able to bring himself to care as he pulled on a pair of sweats and a loose tee.

Alec looked up from his phone, leaning back against the headboard when Magnus came out of the bathroom. He smiled crookedly, the sight still taking Magnus’ breath away; he’d never seen a sight more appealing than a sleepy Alec holding his hand out to Magnus.

Magnus climbed into bed next to him, pulling the covers up and cuddling up into Alec’s welcoming warmth. Tucking his head in Alec’s side to block out the rest of the world.

“I borrowed some sweatpants,” Alec said, voice rumbling through his chest under Magnus’ ear.

Magnus hummed thoughtfully.

“I couldn’t help but notice some of the shirts in your suitcase,” Alec continued.

Magnus bit back a grin before pulling away slightly, the most innocent look he could manage on his face as he arched an eyebrow.

“ _My_ shirts,” Alec finished.

“I wonder how that happened,” Magnus said, looking over at his suitcase innocently.

Alec was glaring when he looked back, their eyes locking in a staring contest. Magnus bit his lip on a laugh, heart feeling lighter suddenly. Finally, Alec broke and laughed, still trying to glare all the while. “I’m going to have no shirts left, Magnus!” he berated.

Magnus shrugged. “I like you better without a shirt anyway,” he said, hands moving to the edge of Alec’s shirt as he talked. Instead of pulling it off though, Magnus changed course, tickling Alec’s sides, pulling a rare giggle from him.

“Stop it,” Alec laughed, batting Magnus’ hands away.

They settled down a few minutes later. Magnus tucked into Alec’s side again, head resting over Alec’s heart as Alec’s hand rubbed up and down his side comfortingly.

“We’ll make this work,” Alec said a bit later when neither of them was any closer to sleep.

Magnus hummed but said nothing else. He was trying really hard to believe that, to ignore the pit in his stomach. One part of him knew this time was different, this situation was different, and they wouldn’t let this get to them. The other part was pissed and… Disappointed.

“I know this isn’t how we planned it…” Alec continued, trailing off.

“ _But_ ,” Magnus said, forcing himself out of his funk as he looked up at Alec, noting the uncertainty in his eyes. “We’ll make it work.”

Alec nodded. “It’s not like much has changed,” he continued, clearly trying to stay optimistic. “We’ll still talk and skype all the time. And I’ll come out for the first show and hide in the back. And I’ll wear your stupid disguises without complaint.”

Magnus laughed, turning to kiss Alec’s chest. “And I’ll rent a gorilla costume when I’m in New York so I can come over without being spotted.”

Alec snorted. “I’m not making out with a gorilla.”

“Gorilla suits don’t do it for you?” Magnus teased.

Alec gave him a flat look and Magnus shrugged. “Noted.”

Sitting up for a moment, Magnus leaned over, turning off the bedside light. It would all work out, he told himself. They would make sure it did. And it wouldn’t be forever. Just let this blow over and then — then Magnus would insist they go public again. He wouldn’t live the rest of his life in secret. He didn’t care what the media said.

Eventually, Magnus drifted off to sleep. Waking an hour or so later when the bed dipped as Alec got up. Magnus rolled over, burying his head in the pillow, figuring Alec only got up to get a drink or go to the bathroom. He didn’t know how much time passed, half asleep, before his groggy mind registered the sound coming from the living room; Alec was playing the piano.

***

Alec couldn’t sleep, no matter how long he laid there, curled close to Magnus, he couldn’t shut his brain off. Couldn’t shake the sinking feeling in his stomach. Eventually, he couldn’t just sit there and think the same thoughts again and again. He’d had to get up, move around, do _something_. Which was how he found himself sitting at Magnus’ small piano at two in the morning, fingers lightly dancing across the keys, stumbling here and there because he hadn’t played much in a long time. It wasn’t even really a song, just a soft melody, repeated again and again.

Alec heard soft footsteps behind him and stopped playing, glancing over his shoulder to see Magnus running a hand through his wild hair. Alec’s heart skipped. This was a version of Magnus only he got to see, Magnus with messy bedhead, something that only happened after sex or the few times Magnus went to bed with wet hair. Pants hanging low, shirt discarded at some point. He looked half asleep but was graceful as ever, crossing the dark room with only the city lights shining in through the windows.

“I didn’t mean to wake you,” Alec said, voice soft in the quiet of the night as Magnus ran a hand over Alec’s back, making him shiver.

“I wasn’t sleeping well anyway,” Magnus replied, kissing his cheek before sitting down next to him.

Alec stared at Magnus as he looked down at the ivory keys. He could see Magnus retreating into his mind, thinking too hard, worrying. Without another word, Alec turned back to the piano and started playing. Just messing around at first until he found himself unconsciously playing one of Magnus’ favorite songs.

Magnus smiled, closing his eyes and leaning his head on Alec’s shoulder. Alec finished the song and started over again. The world was silent around them. Alec’s mind was full of a million memories, some of before, the ones he’d been doing so good at not thinking about because they didn’t matter now, and ones of recently. They’d gone through so much to get to here, he didn’t want that all to be ruined for something so stupid. He was terrified it would be.

Eventually, Magnus sat up straight, voice low and raspy from sleep as he began to sing. Alec’s heart skipped, he’d never in a million years get tired of hearing Magnus sing. There was something special, magical, about being able to see Magnus like this. Soft and tired, singing right next to him when Magnus’ was a voice that millions were used to hearing through headphones, or across a crowded stadium. It didn’t matter where he was, on stage in a thousand dollar outfit, singing to a million fans, or right here in his own living room, singing softly to Alec; Magnus was stunning. His voice alone enough to make anyone fall in love with him.

When the song ended, Alec rested his hands on his lap before turning to face Magnus. Magnus searched his eyes for a moment, offering a small smile. Leaning in, he lightly brushed his lips over Alec’s before standing and offering Alec his hand. Alec didn’t hesitate in grabbing it, letting Magnus lead him back to the bedroom.

Somehow, he must’ve managed to fall asleep, his mind calming with Magnus curled close behind him. If he dreamed, he didn’t remember.

Alec woke slowly in the morning, rolling over in bed and stretching. For a moment, he forgot about the day before. A smile stretching across his face as he reached out for Magnus only to find empty space behind him. Turning over, Alec frowned as everything about the day before came rushing back in. He was scared to check his phone, not ready to deal with everything that was happening and not wanting to know how long he had until Magnus’ flight.

Shoving a pillow over his head, Alec flopped back down in bed, closing his eyes and trying to forget everything that had happened. Fuck Sebastian. Fuck Camille. Fuck it all.

He laid there for a few minutes before registering sounds coming from the kitchen along with the smell of bacon. Alec’s stomach grumbled, reminding him that the last thing he’d eaten had been on the plane the day before. After everything that happened, the last thing he’d been thinking about was eating.

Climbing from bed, Alec grabbed his discarded shirt, making his way to the kitchen. His bad mood disappeared as he rounded the corner, hearing Magnus singing to himself as he cooked.

Biting his lip on a smile, Alec quietly moved into the kitchen, stopping to peer over Magnus’ shoulder.

“Hungry?” Magnus asked, unconsciously leaning back into Alec who hummed, pressing a kiss to Magnus’ bare shoulder.

“Starving,” he said, kissing Magnus’ neck before pulling away. “Where did all this come from?” he asked, pulling down two coffee cups as the coffee finished brewing. Along with bacon, Magnus was making scrambled eggs with peppers and onions, waffles, and there was already fresh cut fruit waiting in two small bowls.

“I asked Jocelyn to bring over some provisions, didn’t think we’d feel like going over there for breakfast,” Magnus said, steering around the fact that they couldn’t just go out for breakfast.

Alec sipped his coffee that suddenly tasted more bitter than it had before. “You should’ve woken me,” he said, popping a grape into his mouth. “I would’ve helped cook.”

Magnus shrugged, turning slightly to smirk at him. “You looked so peaceful and adorable, I couldn’t bring myself to.”

Alec rolled his eyes, moving to the stove and hip checking Magnus out of the way. “I’ll finish.”

“If you insist, love,” Magnus whispered, looping his arms around Alec from behind and leaning his head against Alec’s back.

Alec blamed the heat of the stove for his reddening cheeks, he was not blushing. He was lucky he didn’t burn the bacon as Magnus slowly pressed a row of kisses across Alec’s bare shoulders and down his spine.

“What are you doing?” Alec asked when Magnus moved to kissing his neck, proud of the fact that his voice didn’t waver.

“Starving,” Magnus sighed, trailing his lips up to Alec’s ear. “You’re so slow.”

Alec snorted, trying to focus on flipping the bacon as the last waffle finished cooking. “You’re distracting.”

He felt Magnus shrug, shivering when Magnus’s hands, that had been resting on Alec’s hips, suddenly came up, running over his stomach before dipping down. Alec flinched, nearly burning himself as Magnus laughed. Turning the stove off and abandoning his cooking efforts, Alec turned around, ducking his head without hesitating, Magnus moving to meet him halfway in a sloppy kiss.

Magnus was still laughing, ruining Alec’s efforts.

“Do you mind?” Alec mumbled, pulling back to look into Magnus’ eyes. “I’m trying to do something here.”

Magnus bit his lip, eyes shining, making Alec’s heart expand in his chest. “Sorry. Please do carry on.”

Alec shook his head, trying not to grin like a complete fool but unable to help it. Magnus leaned in, cupping Alec’s face and bringing their lips together slowly, eyes locked until the last second before their lips touched. It wasn’t a rushed, messy kiss. It wasn’t the kind that led to a very clear end goal that usually involved a bed. It was just the two of them, standing in the kitchen, enjoying being close together, lips brushing slowly, bodies close for comfort. Alec was sure this kind of kiss would be the end of him, Magnus smiling against his lips, all the bad things in the world briefly forgotten.

“The bacon,” Magnus muttered, pulling back.

Alec followed, capturing his lips again. “It’s done.”

Magnus tugged Alec closer by his hips, slowly deepening the kiss. Alec was the one to break away this time, a few minutes later. “The food’s getting cold.”

“Let it get cold,” Magnus said, following Alec’s lips.

Who was Alec to argue with that? He had no idea how long they stayed like that but by the time they broke apart to eat, the food had gone cold. Alec really didn’t mind.

They ate in the kitchen, sitting on the counter, once more arguing over the proper amount of syrup to put on something.

“I swear to god, Alec, I will cover you in syrup if you say one more word about the amount I put on my waffles,” Magnus shouted, waving his fork threateningly in Alec’s face.

“Kinky,” Alec snorted, glaring at the offending waffles all the while. “You can’t possibly even taste the waffle at that point.”

“I don’t judge your life decisions,” Magnus pointed out. “And really, who puts all their food on the waffle and makes a sandwich of it?”

Alec shrugged. “Jace started it.”

Magnus shook his head, looking at Alec like he was a lost cause.

Alec managed to make it all the way through breakfast without thinking about it. As he slipped off the counter to do the dishes, his mind unwittingly turned to the day before. As far as the world was concerned, Magnus and Alec weren’t a thing anymore. Broken up. God, Alec hated thinking those words. And for how long? What would happen next? It would just… blow over and then what? They could suddenly be together again? Alec wanted to do whatever was best for Magnus, he just didn’t see how this was good for anyone.

The kitchen was quiet as Alec did dishes, he could feel Magnus’ eyes on him but didn’t know what to say. He wanted to fix this but he didn’t know how. Once again, everything was falling apart.

When the last dish was dried, Magnus slipped off the counter, coming to rest in front of Alec, hands gripping his waist. Eyes searching Alec’s as he pulled Magnus close.

“What are you thinking?” Magnus whispered in the air between them.

Alec shrugged, at a loss for words. “You’re in a good mood,” he finally said, not wanting to talk about the other crap.

Magnus nodded, smiling slightly.

“I was surprised,” Alec continued, running his hands up and down Magnus’ sides.

“Me too,” Magnus said softly, staring down at where his hands now rested on Alec’s chest.

“But?”

Magnus looked up slowly, seeming to consider his words. “ _But_ ,” he repeated. “I’m not going to let this get to me. Sebastian is a terrible person, and I wish this wasn’t happening, but…” Magnus shrugged, shaking his head. “It is what it is and I’m not going to let it ruin this.”

“This?”

Magnus rolled his eyes, leaning in to kiss Alec deeply. “Us; how good everything is right now.”

Alec smirked. “I like this plan.”

Magnus laughed. “I thought you might.” He shook his head, kissing Alec again. Alec was sure he could live the rest of his life high on Magnus’ kisses and never grow tired of it. They made him _giddy_ , not a word he used to describe himself most the time. His heart racing, a laugh building in his chest as Magnus backed him up against the closest counter.

“Screw Sebastian, screw all this crap,” Magnus said, slightly breathless. “It doesn’t matter,” he said more firmly, meeting Alec’s eyes head on. “If we have to pretend we’re not madly in love with each other, if I have to pretend that I’ve never been happier because I’m finally with the person I love most in the world—”

Alec’s breath hitched but Magnus kept talking like he’d said nothing remarkable.

“If we have to get through all this shit, I don’t care if the world knows or what anyone thinks. I don’t care about any of it. All I care is that it doesn’t get to us. You were right last night, we can’t let it get to us,” Magnus repeated. “I _love_ you, Alexander, and that’s all that matters to me.”

Alec’s heart skipped around his chest as he stared at Magnus, stunned by his speech. He wished he could bottle this feeling so he could pull it out whenever they were apart. His mind spun and spun, coming up with nothing good to say so he settled on the simplest way to express what he was feeling.

“I love you,” Alec whispered just before smashing their lips together.

***

They were late. They were supposed to meet Isabelle and Simon at Alec’s apartment where they could all say their goodbyes before the three of them went back to L.A. But, well, one thing led to another after Magnus’ big romantic speech and now they were late. And Magnus really needed to stop grinning if he didn’t want all their friends to know exactly why they were late.

He’d woken up that morning, determined that none of this was going to get to them. It didn’t matter what the rest of the world thought, it didn’t matter that Sebastian and Camille — the Satan’s, he corrected — were slimy scumballs. They chose what got to them, they chose if this affected them, and he wasn’t going to let it. He’d never been so happy as he was the last few days in London with Alec and he wouldn’t let all of that be ruined by a psychopath who got off on ruining people’s careers.

In the elevator up to Alec’s apartment, Magnus tugged him close, kissing him again. If he could, he’d spend every minute until he boarded the plane doing this. Alec smiled into the kiss, arms tight around Magnus. The elevator dinged and they pulled apart, straightening their clothes, holding in laughter.

“Come on.” Magnus grabbed Alec’s hand, tugging him down the hall, biting his lip on a grin.

Hodge opened the door before they got there and Magnus promptly ignored him. He wasn’t going to let anyone ruin his good mood. It was bad enough that he only had a few minutes left with Alec, he was going to enjoy every single one of them.

“Where’s Clary?” Magnus asked, eyes quickly skimming over the room. Simon and Isabelle sat at the kitchen counter, feeding each other something Magnus couldn’t identify. Luke and Cat were over by the windows, sipping coffee. Even Lydia was there, watching Simon and Isabelle with a slightly disgusted look.

“And Jace?” Alec added, stopping close to Magnus.

Isabelle turned with a smirk but, before she could answer, they all heard a door opening down the hall. A moment later, Clary appeared, cheeks flushed, hair in a messy bun, wearing the same clothes from the day before. Jace followed, pulling a shirt on and running a hand through his hair.

Magnus arched an eyebrow as Clary quickly passed him, headed straight for the coffee pot. “Not a word,” she growled.

“I wouldn’t dare,” Magnus smirked.

Alec was staring at Jace, who’d stopped just inside the living room, shifting uncertainly. Magnus turned into Alec, pressing his face into Alec’s shoulder to stifle his laughter as he caught the look Luke was giving Jace.

“Well, this isn’t awkward at all,” Alec said, breaking the silence.

Magnus looked up in time to see Luke give Jace one more stern glare before turning his back on him. “We should be going,” Luke said, moving to set his coffee cup down. “Clary, your suitcase is in the car.”

Jace visibly relaxed. Stepping fully into the room, he nodded to Magnus. “Have a nice flight.”

Magnus rolled his eyes. “Come here blondie,” he demanded, pulling Jace into a light hug just to make the other man uncomfortable.

Jace rolled his eyes, moving to say goodbye to Isabelle and Simon, clearly ignoring Clary, who would also be coming to L.A. for the album launch.

Magnus stood off to the side, watching silently as Alec said goodbye to Isabelle, Simon, and Clary before returning to Magnus. Magnus picked a spot on Alec’s shirt, a small hole near his ribs and stared at it, trying not to think about the fact that he was leaving again. It sounded a lot better when he knew Alec would be coming out for the album launch. Now… Magnus swallowed. He could barely look at Alec, he didn’t want to cry and ruin his good mood.

Alec reached out, lightly tilting Magnus’ head up as he stepped closer. The others huddled in the kitchen, talking amongst themselves to give them some privacy.

There were no reassurances this time, no repeating everything they’d said the night before. That they’d call and text and skype. That Alec would come out as soon as he could, even if he had to play super spy to hide from any possible paparazzi. That they’d make this work, no matter what. They both knew those things, they didn’t need to be repeated because they wouldn’t make this feel any easier.

Instead, Alec just leaned close, talking low so that only Magnus could hear. “I love you.”

Magnus exhaled deeply, his whole body relaxing all at once as he melted into Alec’s embrace, hugging him tightly. Magnus buried his head in Alec’s shoulder, focusing on breathing steadily, inhaling the scent of Alec, memorizing everything about the moment. He held on for as long as he could before pulling back.

Just before their lips met, Magnus whispered, “I love you too.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo, thoughts? Any favorite lines, parts? Do you feel like yelling at me? You can do so in the comments or [Tumblr @imawriteriwrite](http://imawriteriwrite.tumblr.com/) ! Hopefully, it will only be a week or two until the next chapter! Comments and kudos are life, thank you for reading!
> 
> If you haven't read my fic 'Plus One', it's been completed, Malec and fake-dating what else do you need? shameless self-promotion here. XD
> 
> <3<3<3<3  
> xoxoxox


	26. Miss You So Much

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, this chapter wouldn't exist without the most lovely of betas whom I'm apparently trying to kill with these sappy dedications, sorry Maud but I appreciate you! <3<3<3
> 
> Part of this chapter is inspired by [this Tumblr post](http://fangirlbusiness.tumblr.com/post/158606737799/hoteldumorts-magnus-this-next-song-i-wrote-for) because it's genius.
> 
> Chapter title from Miss You So Much by Miley Cyrus

_Though we’re still waiting on confirmation from Magnus’ side it appears the breakup of Malec is real. While neither has seemed to be available for comment since the story broke yesterday, Alec Lightwood’s PR team did release a statement confirming a breakup. Where early sources alleged to Magnus Bane having been cheating on Lightwood with ex-girlfriend Camille Belcourt, Lightwood’s statement claims the relationship ended applicably. This isn’t the first time there have been rumors concerning their relationship. Years ago, it was heavily believed by fans that the two had been in a secret relationship – Lightwood having never confirmed nor denied the rumors concerning his sexuality, while Bane is, of course, known for his openness regarding his own sexuality – it appeared their relationship ended in heartbreak back then only for the two to suddenly go public with their relationship earlier this year, confirming to various sources that they had been together back then and had broken up but had worked on their differences and found their way back together._

_Fans of both the actor and popstar are devastated at the split, claiming love is dead. While fans of Camille Belcourt seem pleased that she and Bane may have rekindled their flame. Others still, have come out against Bane, denouncing him for the rumors of his cheating._

Magnus closed his eyes, breathing in deeply. He knew he shouldn’t be reading these articles, shouldn’t even be online, but it was like a scab, you know you shouldn’t scratch it and yet you can’t stop yourself.

_Alec Lightwood confirms Malec breakup._

_Neither half of Malec seen since last week, could the signs of an impending breakup have been here all along?_

_Love is dead, Magnus Bane and Alec Lightwood breakup._

The worst part, of course, was the pictures. Worse even than the ones of Magnus and Camille and what they insinuated, were all the ones these so-called journalists had pulled out of Magnus and Alec together and happy. Magnus’ favorite being one Alec had posted just a week or so ago, Magnus sitting in his lap at breakfast, the two of them grinning at each other like lovesick idiots. Isabelle had been the one to take the picture just before Magnus left for L.A. after visiting for the premiere of Alec’s show.

Magnus hadn’t yet sunk so low that he went on Twitter, knowing exactly what he could expect to find there. A healthy mix of tweets riddled with crying emojis claiming love is dead and everyone is heartbroken; tweets celebrating the fact that Magnus and Camille were back together, leading both sides to massive twitter wars. And the best, of course, the ones that claimed Magnus was a cheater who didn’t deserve either of them.

Magnus snorted to himself in the back of the car on the way to the airport. It was ironic really, that Magnus would be called a cheater when Camille had cheated on him so long ago. Magnus had never been that kind of person, he was a one soul at a time kind of person. But no one cared about the truth, not when rumors were so much more entertaining.

He was trying, he really was. Not to be bitter and angry, he just wanted to be happy. That the album was about to drop. That he and Alec were in _love_. But all this shit… He couldn’t help it, sometimes it got to him even though it was the last thing he wanted.

He just wanted to be home, with Chairman Meow, and Alec, was that too much to ask for?

***

Alec felt his heart shatter the moment Magnus walked out of the apartment. His chest grew tight and he suddenly found it hard to breathe, watching the spot Magnus had just been, lips still tingling with the feeling of Magnus lingering against him. There was a faint tugging in his gut, the urge to rush out after Magnus overwhelming him but he held himself back because no matter how much he didn’t want Magnus to get on a plane and fly across the country, he knew Magnus had to and he wouldn’t — couldn’t — make it any harder for Magnus than he knew it already was.

“Alec,” Lydia started after a few minutes had passed, voice low and hesitant.

Alec turned to her slowly, realizing that his parents and Hodge had left at some point. “Where’d everyone go?”

Lydia raised an eyebrow, pausing with her coffee cup half raised to take a drink. “Maryse and Robert had a meeting or something. Hodge said he’d call later.”

“Right,” Alec said, shaking his head to clear it.

Lydia smiled softly, squeezing Alec’s hand when he finally moved toward the kitchen, turning away from the door Magnus had only just disappeared through. His heart twinged but he shoved it aside, along with the thoughts of how right that moment Magnus was slowly getting further and further away. Isabelle, Simon, Clary, Luke, and Catarina with him. He tried not to be jealous and angry but he was. They’d all get to be there Friday night at the album launch, where Alec wanted to be more than anything. Instead, he’d be stuck here, in the apartment, spending the whole night wishing he were there.

“You okay?” Lydia asked softly.

Alec glanced up, passed Lydia’s kind face, smiling softly at him. Jace was lingering near the fridge, a sympathetic look on his own face. They were acting like the breakup was real or something. Which it wasn’t, Alec reminded himself. It was just…a – a roadblock. They’d get through this.

Finally, Alec nodded, then sighed, shaking his head. “Not really.”

Jace came forward, handing him a cup of coffee. “Wanna talk about it?”

“Not really,” Alec repeated. He wanted to not think about it. He wanted to be with Magnus. He wanted this to not have happened. He needed a distraction. Looking up at Jace, he forced a smirk, arching one eyebrow. “Do _you_ wanna talk?”

Jace froze for a second before brushing it off. Turning to the fridge, he pulled out a bottle of water. “Talk about what, dude?”

Alec and Lydia shared a look, shaking their heads.

“Clary came out of your room this morning,” Alec pointed out. “In yesterday’s clothes.”

Jace flushed, turning back to the fridge and pulling out a soda, before setting it on the counter, unopened with his water. “That was nothing,” he insisted.

“Uh-huh,” Lydia snorted.

“Sure.” Alec watched in amusement as Jace turned to the fridge again, grabbing the orange juice this time. “Thirsty?”

“What?” Jace frowned.

Alec pointed to the counter.

Jace flushed again.

Alec chuckled, enjoying this. It wasn’t often Jace was embarrassed, it proved a good distraction from his own thoughts. Shoving the water and soda back in the fridge, Jace busied himself pouring a glass of orange juice.

“Jace,” Alec said. “I really need a distraction so it’s this or going for a run and we all know how much you love running.”

Jace groaned, hiding his face before sighing. “I’ve been trying to win her over okay? We’ve been talking and I’ve been trying to convince her to give me another shot even though I don’t deserve it and prove that I’ve changed and I’m not an idiot anymore — at least not such an idiot. And then last night, one thing led to another —” Jace shook his head, looking moments away from hyperventilating.

Reaching out, Lydia rubbed his back reassuringly.

Jace turned to them, closing his eyes tightly. “And now I have to talk to her and make sure I haven’t ruined everything and try not to fuck this up even more but she’s on her way to L.A. and—”

“Jace,” Alec interrupted. “Shut up.”

Rounding the counter, Alec pulled Jace into a one-armed hug. “You’ll be fine,” he said. “Just, don’t give up.”

Jace rolled his eyes but hugged Alec back. “Thanks.”

“On to more important issues,” Lydia smirked, eyeing Alec. “Did I hear someone say that you said you, and I quote, ‘love Magnus Bane more than anything in the world’?”

Alec rolled his eyes, reaching for an apple to throw at Lydia who barely batted an eye, easily catching it. “I did not say that.”

“Not in those words, no,” Jace snorted.

“Alexander Gideon Lightwood,” Lydia teased. “Did you finally say the ‘L’ word during your little getaway?”

Alec refused to blush at her teasing. Rolling his eyes again, he smirked. “We did a lot more than that.”

Jace and Lydia both snorted, wolf whistling at the insinuation. For a second, Alec felt lighter. Then he remembered that Magnus was minutes away from boarding a plane back to L.A.

***

Magnus slept for as much as the flight as possible. Even surrounded by his friends, he felt like shit. By the time they’d landed though, he was back to being determined not to let this ruin his mood, it was almost release day, he and Alec were in a good place – a really good place – and this was not the end of the world.

“Okay. I’ve been nice, I’ve held back,” Isabelle said as they slid into the SUV outside the airport. “But it’s time.”

Magnus glanced over at her, arching an eyebrow.

“Details!” she demanded, hitting him lightly on the arm. “I need details!”

Magnus glanced away slyly, staring out the window as Clary pressed in on his other side, Simon stuck in the very back with Luke in the passenger seat and Cat on the way to her L.A. office. “I have no idea what you’re talking about, darling.”

Isabelle snorted. “Sure.”

“I’ll help,” Clary said, grinning evilly. “Did you and Alec finally have sex?”

Magnus glanced away, clearing his throat.

“That’s a yes,” Izzy laughed.

“How do you know we haven’t been having sex for weeks?” Magnus asked, blowing off their laughter.

“You told literally everyone,” Clary said, staring at Magnus like he was crazy. “You’ve been complaining for weeks how you know you want to take things slow but also you’re dying.”

Magnus scoffed. “I did not say that.”

“Raphael was planning on smothering you the next time you started talking about your sex life,” Isabelle said dryly before smirking. “Or rather lack of. He was putting his affairs in order for going to prison.”

Magnus stuck his tongue at her, ignoring her.

“Anything else happen?” Clary hinted knowingly.

Magnus shook his head, staring resolutely out the window.

“Really?” Simon asked.

“No use of a certain ‘L’ word?” Isabelle hinted.

Luke turned around suddenly. “I swear, if you didn’t tell him you love him and I have to hear about it, I will quit, Magnus.”

Magnus gaped. “You too, Luke? Really?”

“Did you say it?” Luke demanded, raising both eyebrows.

“Yes,” Magnus spat, rolling his eyes. “Can we stop with the third degree now?”

Luke nodded sternly, turning to face the front again. Magnus shook his head, he really hated his family.

When they got to Magnus’ apartment, everyone filed in. Opening the door, Magnus was overwhelmed with the smell of his favorite Thai place. Heading straight for the kitchen, Magnus grinned. The counters were covered in booze and takeout. Ragnor stood at the freezer, filling it with ice cream.

“I didn’t actually break up with him, you know?” Magnus called. Suddenly starving, he reached for the container of egg rolls as, along with Thai food, there was Chinese, BBQ, pizza and a few things he was too busy to identify.

Raphael came in from the other room then, a ball of fluff in his arms. “Yes, we are aware,” he said in his bored voice as Magnus cooed at the Chairman, quickly crossing the kitchen to take him. “We just figured you could use a night in.”

“Though not the kind of night you’ve been used to the last few days,” Ragnor added.

Raphael frowned. “Definitely not.”

Magnus rolled his eyes. “As if I would want to sleep with either of you when I have Alexander. You couldn’t begin to compare.”

“Too much information,” Raphael said, turning and walking back to the living room.

“Just tell me you didn’t do it in my bed,” Ragnor groaned.

Magnus shrugged, eating his egg roll.

“We picked out a selection of your favorite rom-coms so do hurry up showering and changing into your pajamas,” Isabelle called, directing everyone to start carrying food into the living room.

Magnus grinned, stupid articles and rumors long forgotten as he carried the Chairman and his box of egg rolls upstairs to get changed. He loved his family.

***

Alec spent the day at the gym with Jace and Lydia, trying to forget about everything else. Not wanting to linger on the pit in his stomach, or the way his heart hurt with every mile between him and Magnus. They went rock climbing and had an early dinner before watching movies all night, anything to keep Alec distracted. He figured Jace could use distractions himself anyway. Lydia was the only one without drama in her life and Alec was beginning to seriously envy her.

Hodge texted him the details for his chemistry screening with the main actress in the new movie he was up for, someone he’d never heard of, but he wasn’t too worried about it currently. He’d never believed in stressing for an audition, especially something like a chemistry screening. He and the actress would be good together or not and there was nothing he could do to change that. On top of that though, the studio was getting ready to make a decision on whether or not their show would get picked up for a second season. The ratings had been good so Alec was slightly hopeful but trying not to curse it at the same time.

He was exhausted by the time he retired to his room, but the second his phone buzzed with a text from Magnus he was wide awake. He felt like he hadn’t seen or talked to Magnus in days when really it was just that morning. The text was only one word but it instantly made Alec forget about the fact that they were what felt like a million miles away from each other.

 **Glittery Love of My Life:** Facetime?

Alec didn’t bother replying, dialing right away.

The second the call connected, Alec’s heart skipped. Everything in him grew still, like it had all been hectic and messy and wrong, and now that he was seeing Magnus, even if it was through a phone screen and crappy connection, everything was good and right again. There were circles under Magnus’ eyes that worried Alec but that was forgotten when Magnus smiled at him. His hair was in its fluffy state from being washed, face bare of makeup and, as Magnus shifted on the bed, Alec glimpsed his shirt, not even bothering with fighting his own grin when he realized it was another one of his.

“Hey,” Alec said, voice far softer than he intended, mimicking the feeling in his chest as he sat back on his bed.

Magnus’ smile softened, eyes twinkling even through their crappy connection. “Hey yourself.”

Staring at each other through their phone screens like they hadn’t seen each other in months, grinning like idiots, Alec didn’t notice that they weren’t really talking, kicking his blanket back as he got comfortable. He wanted nothing more than to be able to reach out and touch Magnus but, for now, this would have to be enough.

Eventually, Magnus laughed, ruining the moment.

Alec grinned, rolling his eyes. “What?”

“We’re ridiculous,” Magnus said, shaking his head.

“No, we’re needy and pathetic,” Alec corrected.

“That too.”

Staring into Magnus’ eyes, trying not to smile, Alec asked softly, “Would you find it disgusting if I told you I’ve missed you since the second the door closed this morning?”

Magnus’ eyes brightened as he shook his head. “No. I’m very missable,” he teased before growing serious. “And I’ve missed you since I let go of you this morning.”

Alec let his eyes linger on Magnus for a long moment, heart aching at the reminder that they’d been together just that morning and yet, he had no idea how long it would be until they were in the same place again, before straightening up and clearing his throat. There was no use lingering on the fact that they were two thousand miles apart, it wouldn’t change anything.

“How was your flight?” Alec asked, before smirking. “And just how many of my shirts did you steal?”

“Steal?” Magnus asked, mouth falling open in shock. “I would _never_. Borrow, however? Only five or six. I have to have enough to last me, Alexander. Eventually, they stop smelling of you!”

Before Alec knew it, hours had passed and they were both falling asleep while still on the phone. Eventually, Magnus blew Alec a kiss, saying goodnight.

“Love you,” Alec said just before they disconnected.

Magnus grinned, slipping down in bed and getting comfortable. “Love you too.”

After that, it was easy to sleep. Not quite as easy as it was when Magnus was in bed next to him but easier than the rest of the day had been.

***

Magnus’ super-busy-no-free-time-whatsoever week, started bright and early the next day. Luke had shifted his schedule to give him the day before off but first thing in the morning he had to make an appearance on one of the morning shows, then two radio interviews, followed by some much needed rehearsal time, followed by another appearance this time on a late night show and that was pretty much his schedule for every day until release day.

He woke in a cold bed, in a bad mood, wishing desperately that Alec were there with him. Normally, Magnus didn’t mind interviews and press days and all of it but today, so close to the rumors, he was dreading every minute of it.

The first interview started off well enough, Magnus knew Luke would be telling everyone over the next few days not to ask questions about the rumors but he also knew how journalists and the like worked. They couldn’t not ask the questions, it was how they would get their views for the month.

There was a pit in his stomach as he came on stage, forcing a smile, thankful that after so many years he was an expert at hiding his feelings behind the perfect pop star image. There was a dull buzzing at the base of his skull making it hard to concentrate. He answered all the normal questions concerning the release of the album, smiling and laughing where he was supposed to and just as he started to relax —

“So, I’m sure we’ve all heard the rumors going around.”

Magnus raised an elegant eyebrow, his only reaction to the leading question and falsely sympathetic voice.

The interviewer stared at him a moment too long before continuing. “Of course, it’s not the first time rumors like this have come out about you.”

Ignoring the anger brewing in his stomach and knowing that Luke was likely a moment from storming out and ending the interview, which was really the last thing he needed right now; Magnus leaned back in his chair with a careful shrug. “You know how the rumor mill works,” he said idly, like he didn’t care one bit. “I smile at another celebrity and suddenly we’ve been seeing each other for a year and they’re pregnant with my child.”

The interviewer laughed and Magnus chuckled, mentally urging the guy to move on. Of course, the universe hated Magnus, so he pushed. “So, then, they aren’t true?”

“What’s not true?” Magnus asked, pausing to let the guy laugh again before continuing with another shrug. “You know, when you’re in this industry, so much is going on and everyone is always saying something about you. I don’t read rumors. I already know what’s going on in my life, why should I read the thoughtless speculation?”

Magnus knew he should be a little more careful with his words but this interviewer was suddenly his greatest enemy and he didn’t want him getting anything out of this interview. And okay, he was bitter and angry at the whole thing, sue him.

The interviewer just nodded though, taking it all in stride. “It seems many are speculating that you’re back with actress Camille Belcourt.”

Magnus was slightly surprised that the interviewer seemed to be listening to part of Luke’s demands, avoiding asking about Alec. Magnus arched his eyebrow again, rolling his eyes and shaking his head with a low chuckle.

“You know, these rumors come up about the two of us at least once every few months,” he said. “And, Camille is a… beautiful woman and wonderful actress,” Magnus barely forced the words out. “But her and I have been nothing more than friends for a long time now. We always have a good laugh when the rumors start circulating again.”

“Riiight,” the interviewer said. Magnus had dragged his answer out just long enough for the interview to end. “Well, thanks for stopping by. Magnus Bane, ladies and gentlemen. New album “Redo” out this Friday.”

The first interview set the tone for the day. Magnus fielding questions left and right, walking out on his second radio interview for the day when the hosts just kept pressing to get an answer from him about whether he and Alec had, indeed, broken up. By the time he got through rehearsals, managed to catch dinner and a few minutes of sleep before the night show, and finally got home, he was ready to sleep for days.

Instead, he slipped into a hot bubble bath and called Alec, who answered after barely one ring.

“Magnus,” he said, and just his voice, saying Magnus’ name on a breathy exhale, was enough to make Magnus’ shitty day erase itself from his mind.

“Is it justifiable murder if I’m provoked to kill a radio host because of their bi-phobic ideals and insistence on asking questions that they shouldn’t?” Magnus asked in lieu of a hello.

He heard Alec let out a deep breath, could picture him closing his eyes, free hand tightening into a fist. “I’ll kill them for you, just to be safe,” he finally replied.

Sinking back into the bath, careful to keep his phone dry though it wouldn’t be the first time he destroyed a phone in the tub, Magnus let out a soft laugh. “It’s okay, I think Luke scared him to death anyway. And he didn’t get his interview, which must’ve hurt him. Besides, if you went to jail I’d have to find a replacement and that would be so tedious.”

“Wow. I’m sorry you’d have trouble replacing me.”

Magnus shrugged. “It is what it is.”

“I’m sorry you had to deal with that,” Alec said sincerely, voice low and soft, sending pleasant shivers through Magnus.

Magnus smiled even though Alec couldn’t see it. “It is what it is,” he repeated. “Besides, my day has suddenly gotten better.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yup,” Magnus said cheerily. “Got home. Got naked. Slipped into a hot bubble bath. Oh, and I’m talking to some guy I kind of like,” Magnus teased, smirking when he heard Alec’s breath hitch at the word ‘naked’.

“Oh?” Alec teased but Magnus could tell his voice was strained, and his smirk widened hoping Alec was currently picturing exactly where Magnus was. “A guy you kind of like? I thought you were in love with that guy? If I remember correctly, you spent three days naked with that guy.”

Magnus hummed. “He’s alright, I guess.”

“Gee, thanks.”

Magnus laughed, running his free hand through the bubbles, breathing in the calming scent of his bath salts. “I kind of wish he were here now…”

There was a pause and Magnus could perfectly imagine Alec closing his eyes, breathing in slowly to steady himself. He’d meant it to be teasing but it was too truthful for that. Suddenly the bath wasn’t as relaxing as it was a few minutes before. His heart longing for Alec to be there with him. He hated this. Hated pining when he finally had Alec, hated that it was so hard for them to be together.

“Me too,” Alec finally whispered. “Though, it is nice not waking up freezing because someone stole all the blankets.”

A surprised laugh escaped Magnus before he could stop it. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said, then paused. “You’re rolling your eyes, aren’t you?”

“Of course, blanket hog.”

“You’re a blanket hog,” Magnus mumbled, blowing on the bubbles to send them flying. “And you’re clingy.”

“You like that I’m clingy.”

Magnus shrugged at Alec’s affronted tone but it was true. The teasing went on long enough for most the bubbles in Magnus’ bath to dissipate, the water turning cold by the time the conversation turned more serious.

“So,” Alec said. “Album release in a few days. Are you nervous?”

Magnus waved his words away. “I’m Magnus Bane, I don’t get nervous.”

“That’s a lie and we both know it.”

Magnus slipped further into the water, closing his eyes. The truth was, he always worried when a new album dropped but that was dulled by everything going on. “I’m just trying to survive release week,” Magnus said softly, leaning his head to the side. “It’s not exactly how I’d envisioned it going.”

He could almost hear Alec swallowing dryly on the other end of the phone. “It’s not how I’d envisioned it either,” he admitted. “I wanted to be there.”

Magnus’ heart twitched, a dull throb echoing through his chest. He was trying not to linger on this but it was hard when all he could think when he had a moment to himself was that he wished Alec were there, next to him. He’d spent a good chunk of their relationship before, disappointed that Alec couldn’t be there for big moments like this or that he couldn’t be there for Alec. They were supposed to be able to do that this time. They were supposed to be done hiding and, as much as he tried to tell himself it wasn’t the same, as much as it _wasn’t_ the same, it still disappointed him.

“But,” Alec said, a smile in his voice. “There’s nothing to worry about. Everyone loves you, Magnus — not as much as I love you but still.”

Magnus laughed, heart skipping. He shook his head, breathing in slowly as the dull ache in his chest eased. “You’re such a sap.”

Alec ignored him, continuing like he hadn’t said a word. “And everyone is going to love the album, because it’s amazing; you’re amazing.”

“Shut up,” Magnus muttered unconvincingly. “You’re lying.”

Alec chuckled and Magnus was sure then that Alec’s laugh was his favorite sound in the world even when it came over the phone from two thousand miles away. “I’m not lying,” he said. “And I’m not hanging up until you believe me.”

“It’s going to be a long night,” Magnus joked. Honestly, the album was the last thing he was thinking about just then, all he was thinking was how he didn’t want to hang up, ever. “I love you, Alexander,” he muttered softly.

“And I love you but don’t think you’re going to distract me.”

Smiling to himself, Magnus shook his head. “I wouldn’t dare. By the way, casual reminder that I am naked, in the bathtub, and most of the bubbles are gone…”

***

The next two days were a mess of talking to Magnus whenever they both had time, preparing for his audition, and trying not to think about all the crap going on. Every hour, Alec talked himself into and then back out of just saying to hell with everything and flying to L.A. like he wanted to. It wouldn’t be so bad if it wasn’t release week. This was the kind of thing Alec had fucked up before, not letting himself be there for Magnus out of the fear that someone would figure out they were together. And now, when it was what they both wanted most and he should’ve been able to… he couldn’t.

Still, it was hard to remember all that crap when he was talking to Magnus.

“So then I was thinking,” Magnus said, he had his laptop on the floor before him, sitting in his rehearsal room alone, save for Raphael glaring in the background as he worked on choreography for something. Magnus was dressed in sweats and another one of Alec’s shirts — Alec had given up berating him for it, Magnus was right, Alec loved that Magnus wore his shirts — guitar in his lap as he rehearsed though he seemed to be messing around more than anything. Not that Alec would complain, he loved moments like this, that made it feel like they were close when there were so many miles between them.

“Your endless flirting is distracting,” Raphael called in a blank voice.

Magnus raised his hand, flipping Raphael off without looking.

Alec could just see Raphael glance over, shake his head and walk away.

“Where was I?” Magnus asked, laughing as Raphael slammed the door.

“Playing me a song,” Alec reminded him, shifting his position on the couch, his laptop resting on his lap as he smiled lazily at Magnus through the webcam.

Magnus smirked, strumming his guitar without seeming to notice. “You’re supposed to be helping with my setlist.”

“I am helping,” Alec said, feigning hurt. “I just need to hear the songs before I can help. Which helps, because you have to rehearse.”

Magnus shook his head but didn’t argue. Alec knew he already had the setlist for tour figured out anyway, but neither of them would miss out on an excuse to Skype or text or talk on the phone or…anything that would involve them being together as well as they could from opposite coasts.

“I was thinking,” Magnus finally continued his original thought. “After Midnight Magic, slow it down a little with a dedication to my lovely ex-girlfriend.”

“Camille?” Alec asked, raising an unimpressed eyebrow.

“Jealousy does not look good on you, darling,” Magnus replied instead of answering, shaking his head slowly. “This is a new song, listen close.”

Alec bit his lip on a smile, eyes locked on his screen even as Jace walked into the room, he was barely aware of anything else around him. Magnus breathed in deeply, seeming to try to control himself before strumming his guitar rather aggressively and singing one word in a fairly high-pitched, unattractive voice. “Biiiiitch.”

Alec lost it, laughing as Magnus continued strumming, singing the word “bitch” in various pitches before stopping and bowing dramatically as well as he could when sitting on the floor.

“Dear god, Magnus,” Jace said, making Alec jump as he appeared over Alec’s shoulder suddenly. “I thought you were good.”

Reaching out, Alec pinched Jace. “Watch your mouth, that’s my boyfriend you’re talking about.”

“I will tell Clarissa what you said,” Magnus called.

Jace’s face lost all color immediately. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it.”

Magnus snorted, shaking his head before glancing off to the side as someone else walked into the room.

“Honestly though, Alec,” Jace teased, walking a safe distance before finishing his thought. “That’s the guy you love?”

Alec glanced back at the screen to see Magnus flipping through his song songbook, guitar pick in his mouth. Alec’s heart skipped. “Yeah,” he breathed out, completely unaware of Jace gagging behind him as he stared straight at Magnus who looked up then, meeting Alec’s gaze, pick falling from his mouth as he grinned. “That’s the man I love.”

***

Before Magnus knew it, it was the day of his album release. He woke up before the sun had risen, staring up at the ceiling, Chairman Meow watching him closely from the other pillow. Magnus glared halfheartedly, knowing it wasn’t a coincidence that the Chairman had started sleeping on that pillow as it was Alec’s the few times he managed to be there.

Magnus’ heart thudded dully. He knew that as soon as he picked up his phone, he would know how it was going, whether the album was already moving to the top of the charts or already a flop. Would know what people were saying, the album having dropped just hours before.

This was always a strange moment for him, knowing it was out there and people were forming their opinions and there was nothing he could do to change or stop it. Right then, he didn’t know if it would end up being his biggest flop or his bestselling album of all time. Maybe it would be somewhere between. But, as long as he laid there, not looking at his phone, it could be anything.

He’d only had a couple hours of sleep, out late the night before for the unofficial album launch. Luke had rented out a club downtown, all Magnus’ friends and fellow musicians were there. Tonight, was the official launch party put on by his record label with all the big fancy execs and a few lucky fans. Everyone in nice dresses, stacks of the albums everywhere, Magnus’ face blown up and hung on every wall. Uber famous people all over. It wasn’t nearly as fun. Especially without Alec there.

“What do you think, Chairman? Did we make a bestseller? Platinum album maybe?” Magnus asked. Chairman Meow looked up, purring. “Double platinum? Really?”

“I’m not as knowledgeable as the Chairman but I’d say the chances are pretty good,” an amused voice called from the doorway.

Magnus jerked back, only just stopping himself from falling out of bed, heart skipping. He closed his eyes, breathing in sharply, terrified that he was imagining things. “You better really be here, Alexander,” he said, barely daring to breathe as he heard soft footsteps crossing the room.

“Sorry Chairman, you’re in my spot.” The Chairman barely made a peep as he was moved. The bed dipped, another body scooting close to Magnus. He smiled softly as light fingers ran over his cheek before brushing hair from his forehead. Reaching out blindly, Magnus tangled his hand in Alec’s shirt, still not convinced this was real.

“I’m really here,” Alec whispered.

Magnus breathed in deeply, floating on the comforting feeling that filled him at Alec being close enough for his smell to surround Magnus. He opened his eyes slowly, wanting to linger in the moment. Alec leaned over him slightly, smiling this crooked, lazy smile that had Magnus’ heart stopping for just a moment. His pulse raced, hands shook as he reached out as if to make sure Alec was really, truly there.

“What are you doing here?” he whispered, brushing the hair that was getting just a little too long from Alec’s eyes. He wasn’t complaining, never complaining just…stunned. He’d hoped, he’d wanted — but he hadn’t thought Alec would actually make it out to L.A.

“One sec,” Alec whispered, leaning down to capture Magnus’ lips in a soft kiss that made his heart ache. Closed mouths, lips achingly slowly brushing, resting together just for a moment; revealing in the fact that they were close enough to do this.

Alec pulled back but Magnus snaked a hand behind his head, following his lips and bringing them back to his in a more crushing kiss, mouth opening for Alec’s tongue as he tugged Alec closer. Alec grinned against him and Magnus’ heartbeat finally started to slow down. He shook his head, eyes still closed when they broke apart. “I can’t believe you’re here.”

Alec brushed his lips over Magnus’ once more before leaning back, propped up on his elbow, to stare down at him. “I just… I couldn’t not be here,” he said, voice so soft Magnus had to lean closer to hear, keeping his hand on Alec’s waist, making sure he didn’t disappear like a good dream. “I know I can’t go to the launch but I figured I could still be here…” he trailed off, tangling their hands together.

Magnus opened his eyes, staring at Alec like he’d never seen him before. There were dark circles under his eyes, he must’ve caught a flight in the middle of the night. His hair was a bigger mess than ever, in need of a cut and continually falling in his eyes, face darkened with stubble that Magnus couldn’t resist running his free hand over. And he was still smiling that lovesick, crooked smile that always made Magnus’ stomach do flips.

Magnus shook his head, he couldn’t think of anything to say which didn’t happen to him often. He’d planned on just forcing himself through the day, trying to ignore the part of him that would spend it disappointed because Alec wasn’t there. And now…

“I love you, Alexander,” Magnus whispered, not giving Alec a chance to reply as he sat up, flipping their positions until he was straddling Alec, bringing their lips back together even as Alec laughed, tugging Magnus close.

***

“Don’t you have somewhere to go?” Alec asked, smirking as Magnus pulled his shirt off, tossing it over his shoulder somewhere. He was straddling Alec’s waist, Alec’s hands tight on his hips. He’d swear that he’d never seen a more alluring sight than Magnus Bane leaning over him, shirtless, eyes blown wide, a sexy grin on his face. Except maybe Magnus in a warm sweater, curled up sleepily, all cuddly, Alec had always had a weakness for cuddling. And a weakness for Magnus.

“I have some time,” he whispered, leaning down to bring their lips back together.

God, Alec could spend every second of his life kissing Magnus and never grow tired of it, and never worry that he was missing out on something else because what could be better than this?

He’d spent the week debating coming or not but yesterday, he’d found that he just couldn’t stand the thought of being across the country from Magnus on his big day. Even if he couldn’t go to the party tonight, even if they only had this stolen moment and Alec spent the rest of the day with Chairman Meow while Magnus ran around the city, doing interviews and performing this afternoon before the release party that night, it would be worth it. It _was_ worth it, to see the look on Magnus’ face when Alec stepped into the room, the way he’d closed his eyes, holding his breath like he was terrified he was imagining Alec.

“If you’re sure,” Alec said, voice hitching as Magnus kissed across his jaw and down his neck.

Slipping his hands under Alec’s shirt to pull it up, Magnus pulled back, freezing Alec with a smoldering look. “I’m sure.”

***

The launch was held in one of the record company exec’s giant mansions. Paparazzi lingered outside, along with fans screaming their heads off when Magnus stepped out of the limo. In a good mood that couldn’t be ruined by much of anything, Magnus smiled, leveling some lovely smirks at the cameras and waving to the fans being held back by security. He wore an expensive dark red tux, hair spiked up with a purple streak, makeup done perfectly by Maia earlier that night while Alec watched from across the room, a nearly predatory look on his face. Magnus’ smirk widened at the memory of Maia standing between them, saying there was no way she was going to let them ruin her perfect job by kissing. Magnus had left the apartment with a promise to return to Alec as soon as he could possibly get away.

He was determined to enjoy the night. Now that Alec wasn’t a million miles away, it was suddenly easier to breathe and laugh and smile. Clary stepped out of the limo after him in a nice, very expensive, black dress that Magnus had surprised her with. Looping their arms together, they followed Luke down the path to the front door. The party was held on the rooftop that was lit with a million fairy lights. Stacks of the album and signed headshots sat on every table. A small stage had been set up at the end where speeches would be given and Magnus would be expected to say a few words, maybe play a song or two.

Magnus effortlessly kept his smile as he shook hands with dozens of people, half of whom he had no idea who were. He sagged with relief when he got to the table where Cat, Ragnor, Raphael, and Tessa lingered, talking amongst themselves.

Their conversation changed suddenly as he neared. “I don’t know, I don’t think it’s his best work,” Ragnor said. “Despite how hard I worked on it.”

“I agree,” Raphael deadpanned. “I was very disappointed.”

“I left a scathing review on iTunes, how could I not?”

Magnus pouted, glaring at his supposed friends. “I hate you all.”

“You have beard burn,” Raphael deadpanned, nodding to Magnus’ jaw.

Snorting, Magnus slyly flipped him off. “Do not. Well, I do, but Maia did a lovely job hiding it,” he winked.

“I heard the boyfriend surprised you this morning,” Tessa teased in a low voice, eyebrows dancing.

“Oh look, I’m needed over there,” Magnus said gesturing vaguely before quickly walking away.

The day had been more perfect than he could’ve imagined really. He’d lingered in bed for as long as he could, which wasn’t nearly long enough but better than nothing. The interviews went swimmingly, fully focused on the album rather than Magnus’ personal life. He’d opened his concert in the park with a new song called “Rumors” that was far too accurate at this time, but he hoped it sent the right hint to certain people. And then he’d looked out at the large gathering in the park, mid-song, eyes catching on someone in a plain black hat and dark sunglasses, close enough to the stage to be seen but not so close to be caught up in the screaming teenagers crowding the stage. Magnus had almost missed a note, fighting the urge to laugh as he shook his head at Alec, who’d hunched his shoulders, melting back into the crowd.

On top of all that, the album had quickly gone to number one on iTunes and the early figures were really good, even after all the bullshit Sebastian started. Reviews had come out from most the big music critics and, of course, not everyone was ever always pleased, but it was good. Everything was good.

Clary found him a few minutes later, slipping her arm back through his. “I thought I was supposed to be your date,” she teased. “Abandoning the family so soon, Magnus.”

Magnus snorted, patting Clary’s hand. “Sorry Biscuit, I’m in high demand.”

Despite spending most the week running about and pining over Alec, Magnus had been enjoying Clary being in town. He hadn’t realized how much he’d missed seeing her every day until she was back in L.A. for the week. He’d eventually managed to get her to confess to trying to work things out with Jace, though, as she said, ‘it’s not going to be easy for him’.

Magnus settled at a table in the middle of the roof, ignoring the helicopters overhead, trying to get footage of the party. Ragnor and Raphael wandered over, as did Isabelle, Simon, Maia, and Luke, along with glasses of champagne. They spent the night sipping on champagne, making ridiculous toasts to Magnus and making fun of him as various producers and record company execs gave short speeches, toasting to the album. Everything nice said about him was met with a dozen insults from his friends but Magnus wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.

Finally, it was his turn to get up and thank everyone for coming out and continuing to support him and he really was grateful but also he knew this speech by heart by then, having given it over and over again. It was only towards the end that he started making it up as he went.

“For a while, I didn’t think this album would even happen. As most of my record label can attest, it took me a long time to get this written,” he paused for laughter, gathering his thoughts. “Having said that, it never would’ve happened if not for my least favorite people in the world, my best friends. I’m not naming you, I don’t want it to go to your head. And, of course,” Magnus paused, biting back a smile. “The love of my life,” he lingered on the words a moment, savoring them, hazel eyes flashing through his mind, before winking. “Chairman Meow. My cat.”

Magnus grinned as everyone laughed, pretending not to see the looks his friends were shooting him as he accepted his guitar from an assistant. He played two songs, both dedicated to the love of his life, only one actually having been written for Chairman Meow. When he got off stage, he glanced at the time, lingering a little longer, shaking with pent-up energy, barely listening to what anyone was saying to him as all he could think about was getting home and celebrating his album release with the one person he really wanted to celebrate with.

“Alright,” Luke said, setting his hand heavily on Magnus’ shoulder and shaking him from his thoughts of dark messy hair and shining hazel eyes. “Get going. I’ll make an excuse for you.”

Magnus bit back a grin, staring up at Luke. “Yeah?”

Luke shook his head. “You’re going to make everyone here sick if they have to stare at that look on your face for one more second. You have another busy day tomorrow, so get.”

“Thanks,” Magnus said, pulling Luke into a tight hug. “For everything,” he added before pulling back.

He said his goodbyes while Luke ordered a few security guards to lead him out to the limo that would be waiting.

“Don’t have too much fun without me,” Magnus called with a grin.

Clary stopped him for a moment, pulling him aside before he could slip away. “I got you a gift to celebrate launch,” she said, eyes shining against the backdrop of the night sky. “I rented Raphael a room in the hotel Luke and I are staying at.”

“That’s…a nice gift,” Magnus said frowning before it suddenly clicked.

Clary grinned wolfishly as Magnus shook his head. “I knew you were my favorite for a reason.”

The paparazzi were still lingering as he left, close to midnight. He gave a few smiles, signing a couple autographs to the fans who were still waiting before slipping into the limo without a backward glance. He thought he should maybe feel guilty for slipping away so early but couldn’t really bring himself to, not when he was going exactly where he’d wanted to be all night.

Resting his head back, he closed his eyes, fingers tapping against his leg in impatience at the long drive across the city. He pulled his phone out for the first time since the party started, smirking when he found texts from Alec. Opening them, he found a series of pictures of Alec laying across the couch, Chairman Meow curled on his chest. In one, Alec was grinning, another he was smirking, and the final he was pouting. It ended with a text that assured Magnus they didn’t miss him at all and were perfectly fine without him.

Biting his lip on a smile, Magnus texted back quickly, telling Alec he was a terrible liar.

Not even thirty seconds later, he got another picture, this one of Alec holding the Chairman up, their faces smooshed together, pouting at the camera.

 **Light(Wood) of My Life:** See, we’re perfectly happy.

 **Light(Wood) of My Life:** Having fun?

Magnus quickly set the newest picture as his home screen before replying.

 **Glittery Love of My Life:** tons. Barely notice you’re not here.

Magnus couldn’t help it, laughing when the next picture came in, Alec holding the Chairman close to his chest as he glared.

 **Light(Wood) of My Life:** That’s fine. Though I feel bad for the Chairman. He seems to be getting neglected. He’s agreed to come home to New York with me.

 **Glittery Love of My Life:** ALEXANDER DO NOT STEAL MY CAT.

Magnus glared at his phone when he didn’t immediately get a response. A few minutes later, his phone buzzed.

 **Light(Wood) of My Life:** Any sign of the party ending?

Magnus smiled, heart skipping. He replied quickly, tucking his phone away to stare at the window.

 **Glittery Love of My Life:** Probably still has a few hours to go. Luckily, you don’t miss me.

He didn’t look when his phone buzzed again but he had a pretty good idea that Alec was admitting to having lied about missing him. Luckily, a few minutes later, the limo pulled up outside Magnus’ building.

***

Alec looked up from glaring at his phone at the kitchen counter when the door was suddenly unlocked. Shaking his head, he bit back a smile, standing and moving to the entryway.

“Liar,” he muttered by way of hello, moving forward to tug Magnus into a kiss before the door even finished closing.

“Oops.”

Alec shook his head, smiling as he tried to kiss Magnus, heart beating slow and steady in his chest. “Why’d you come home so early?” he asked between soft kisses, Magnus’ hands cupping his face, his own rubbing up and down Magnus’ sides. He felt like he’d been deprived of oxygen and now he had to make up for it by touching Magnus as much as possible. “You should be celebrating.”

“Didn’t want to celebrate with the people there,” Magnus said, resting their foreheads together, breaths mingling. Alec’s breath hitched as he stared at Magnus who slowly blinked his eyes open. “I want to celebrate with you.”

“Well then,” Alec said, pulling back but grabbing Magnus’ hand to tug him into the hall. “It’s a good thing I snuck out for supplies.”

“Wait here,” Alec said, kissing Magnus’ cheek, letting his eyes roam over Magnus’ perfectly fitted suit before forcing himself to turn. He hurried, bringing the supplies upstairs and lighting the candles before going back down to get Magnus.

Leading Magnus through the kitchen and upstairs, he turned just in time to see Magnus’ eyes grow wide, a smile curving up his mouth as they stepped into the bedroom. Alec had gone to Magnus’ favorite bakery for his favorite cupcakes plus chocolate covered strawberries, setting them up on a blanket on the floor like a picnic along with a bottle of champagne; a dozen candles lit around the room.

“There’s also fresh bath salts waiting in the bathroom,” Alec said, voice low as he stepped close to Magnus, blocking his view of the room. “Do you like it?”

Magnus shook his head slowly. “You’re too good for me.”

Alec chuckled. “Liar,” he breathed out, leaning in to kiss Magnus before pulling away quickly, tugging Magnus over to the blanket. Alec quickly popped open the bottle of champagne, filling the champagne flutes he’d brought up before handing one to Magnus.

He stared at Magnus for a moment, mapping out his face, eyebrows raising, lips curved in a soft smile, that look in his eyes that was only ever directed at Alec and always made him lose his breath. He wanted to say something but all he could think was; “You’re wrong,” Alec whispered, moving to his knees to be closer to Magnus. “You’re too good for me. I don’t know what I did to deserve you.”

Magnus’ breath hitched, eyes growing wider.

“I love you,” Alec whispered. “And I’m so proud of you. You— you’re amazing, Magnus, and every day I’m still shocked that you love me too.”

Magnus glared, shoving Alec’s shoulder. “Shut up, you’re going to make me cry,” he said but he wasn’t glaring anymore, staring at Alec intently. “I do love you, Alexander.”

Alec grinned. His heart felt like it was about to burst but he hardly noticed, raising his glass in a toast. “To you,” he whispered.

Magnus shook his head. “To _us_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked this chapter! Do feel free to yell at me on [Tumblr @imawriteriwrite](http://imawriteriwrite.tumblr.com/) or in the comments. Do let me know if you have any favorite parts or lines! Thanks for reading, I love you all. ALSO, I started a new Malec fic, if you're interested, it's called Summer Nights, so check that out on here, it's a high school AU. ;)
> 
> Provided things go as planned, next chapter will be next Friday but it might be the following Friday!
> 
> XOXOX


	27. Dying For You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update, things have been crazy. Shout out to Maud for being a great beta (and friend)! <3<3<3
> 
> Title from Dying For You by Otto Knows feat. Lindsey Stirling & Alex Aris

It was barely six a.m. and Alec was freezing on a beach in L.A., surrounded by Magnus’ fans who were all jumping in place, letting out screams here and there as they waited for Magnus to take stage. Magnus liked to do small, intimate concerts when he could – and Alec knew there wasn’t much he liked more than performing on the beach – but it was _freezing_ out, the breeze coming off the ocean making him shiver. It didn’t help that he’d barely slept the last two nights, not that he really minded when the reason was flying out to see Magnus and then staying up all night with Magnus.

Besides, the cold was all but forgotten as the sun rose higher and Magnus finally took to the stage with his band behind him, grinning at the crowd, dressed as casually as he ever dressed when performing, in loose dark pants and a low cut dark blue shirt that Alec knew for a fact showed off just a hint of Magnus’ abbs if you were looking down at him, necklaces flashing against bronzed skin.

Magnus had tried to convince him to stay in bed that morning when he got up early to get ready for the concert but there wasn’t much Alec loved more than seeing Magnus perform and he wouldn’t miss out on any chance he got, even when it meant hiding out in the back of the crowd, with his hoodie pulled low over his head and dark sunglasses on. Luckily, he’d let his beard grow out the last week which made him slightly harder to recognize on top of everything else. Besides, yes, there were cameras about to film a music video and people all around, but everyone here was here for Magnus, looking at Magnus, because once you did, as Alec knew from experience, it was nearly impossible to look away.

Magnus had been talking for a few minutes but Alec got so caught up in the way he smirked, sitting on a stool in front of the microphone with a guitar in his lap, that he didn’t hear what Magnus was saying. “Now, I know this may be annoying but I’m going to start with playing a song off the new album, called ‘Rumors’ half a dozen times,” Magnus said, laughing as the fans screamed. “Okay, I exaggerated, only like three times so we can get some footage for the video, if that’s okay with you?”

Alec was hunched over slightly in the crowd, barely aware of everyone around him as Magnus’ eyes roamed across the crowd, landing on Alec for a moment before continuing. It was Alec’s last day in L.A. as he had to get back for his chemistry screening for the role he was up for, flying out first thing in the morning, but Magnus had the night free and Alec found that suddenly everything didn’t seem so bad. Sebastian was still writing crap to fuel the flames of their public relationship but Magnus was on stage, looking like a god, like he had only to reach out and take a hold of the world, it was just waiting for him, and Alec knew, he _knew_ , when Magnus’ eyes lingered on him, that all he really wanted was just what Alec wanted, to be together. So all that crap was so far from Alec’s mind it was like a distant memory.

Magnus played ‘Rumors’ three times and not once was Alec bored, watching Magnus stalk across the stage, playing it first on just his guitar and then with the band backing him, effortlessly talking to the crowd in between. The song was both a fun lighthearted piece and a fuck you to tabloids and the like, it was one of Alec’s favorite off the album – of course, as Magnus had pointed out the night before, Alec said that about every song.

The rest of the concert passed too quickly, Alec’s eyes hardly ever budging from Magnus, feeling like they were the only two people in the world even when surrounded by Magnus’ fans. When Magnus played a few songs from MAGIC, including Alec’s least favorite of all, the album’s namesake that was all about the first moments after the breakup and how Magnus had thought the two of them were magic until it was all over, Alec barely breathed through the whole song, Magnus’ eyes locked on his even in the middle of the crowd.

They weren’t the people that song was written about, not anymore. But as Magnus sat on the edge of the stage – guitar in his lap, his voice ringing out over the crowd, low and slightly hoarse not that anyone else seemed to notice – it was suddenly two years ago and Alec was hearing that song for the first time, his heart breaking with every note as he listened to it again and again and again. But then the song ended and Magnus grinned, standing up to hand off the guitar to a stagehand, quickly moving into Midnight Magic, dancing across the stage and making Alec laugh, even as his eyes slowly roamed up and down Magnus’ body, intently watching the fluid way he moved. Alec had to force his gaze back to Magnus’ face as he sang, judging by the way Magnus’ eyebrows raised just for a moment, he’d caught Alec ogling him. Alec shook his head, glad the hoodie helped hide his flushing checks as Magnus added a few exaggerated hip movements to his routine.

Magnus ended the concert how he always did, playing his first ever single, a love song he always dedicated to Chairman Meow, Alec being one of the few people who knew that Magnus had indeed written the loud love song for his cat. Alec had never been able to hear the song the same way since finding that out.

When the concert was over and Magnus was bowing, blowing kisses to the crowd, he made sure to turn to Alec, winking before disappearing. Alec shook his head, moving quickly to get out before the rush, to meet Magnus back at the apartment. He’d had to start going in the back, through the parking garage so as not to be seen but the hassle was worth it. Alec couldn’t think of much that wouldn’t be worth it when it came to Magnus.

***

Magnus did his meet and greet, grinning the whole time not only because he did truly love meeting fans but also he kept replaying the look on Alec’s face as he’d watched Magnus dancing very intently. God, Alexander was going to be the death of him. In the very best way possible.

The only time his smile faltered was one when fan unwittingly asked about Alec, saying how sad they were when they heard about the breakup. Magnus just smiled, quickly signing their albums before moving to the next fan.

By the time he’d gotten through every fan, Magnus was starving, for both food and Alec, he thought with a smirk as Luke guided him back to the car. Magnus’ heart was light, his blood still singing from the concert, he was an adrenaline junky when it came to performing, it left him feeling high for hours. Just like Alec’s kiss.

“Coming up?” Magnus asked Luke as they stopped before the apartment.

Luke raised a disbelieving eyebrow. “And watch you and your boyfriend make kissy faces at each other? I’m good.”

Magnus stuck his tongue out, laughing as he slipped out of the car, hurrying through the front door to the apartment complex, nodding to the doorman as he went. Stepping off the elevator, Magnus slipped into his flat with a grin, shutting the door quietly and going off in search of Alec. He found take-out waiting for him on the kitchen counter, grabbing a slice of pizza before heading to the living room where he found Alec fast asleep on the couch with Chairman Meow on his stomach. Shaking his head, Magnus turned to go upstairs, finishing his pizza before showering and changing quickly.

Back downstairs, he nudged Alec until he scooted over, leaving enough room on the wide couch for Magnus to lay down next to him. “I’m awake,” Alec muttered with his eyes still closed, the Chairman grumbled, moving onto the back of the couch with a glare aimed at Magnus. Feeling hurt, Magnus glared back going so far as to stick his tongue out at the cat. “We can do…stuff,” Alec said, yawning.

The adrenaline from the concert was fading and it was warm in the dark living room, so close to Alec. After showering, the fact that he’d barely slept in the last three days was swiftly catching up to Magnus. Pressing close, he kissed Alec’s forehead, brushing his hair out his face, staring for a moment, Alec looking so soft and inviting, half asleep.

“We can do _stuff_ ,” Magnus smirked. “Later. Sleep.”

“M’kay.” Turning on his side, Alec rested his head against the low arm of the couch, his arm wrapped around Magnus to hold him close. “Don’t fall,” Alec mumbled.

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” Magnus said, slipping one of his legs between Alec’s, his hand holding Alec’s waist, there was plenty of room on the couch but it was better to be safe than sorry, he thought before swiftly drifting off to sleep.

 

“That is simply sickening.”

Magnus had been slowly waking up, snuggling back into Alec’s warmth, not ready to move, when Raphael’s low voice promptly pulled him from his dreams. Magnus blinked his eyes open slowly, Alec’s arm tightening around his waist. He was now facing the living room, Alec curled along his spine behind him, snoring softly.

“Jealousy doesn’t suit you, Raf,” Magnus muttered, snuggling back into Alec.

“You're disgusting,” Raphael grumbled. He paused before turning away. “I’m happy for you, Magnus.”

Magnus’ eyes flew open, a smirk swiftly curling up his mouth.

“Say a word and I will murder you,” Raphael said before Magnus could speak, turning and leaving the room swiftly.

Smirking to himself, Magnus closed his eyes, determined to spend as much time as possible enjoying cuddling with Alec.

“Do we tell everyone he has a heart now or use it to blackmail him later?” Magnus was surprised at Alec’s soft voice in his ear, his breath tickling Magnus’ skin.

Magnus snorted, eyes still closed. “Blackmail obviously.”

“Obviously,” Alec parroted, pressing kisses along the side of Magnus’ neck.

“Did you sleep well?” Magnus asked, shivering as Alec rested his palm over Magnus’ stomach, bare inches from resting over the front of his pants.

“I always sleep well when you’re close,” Alec replied, sliding his palm up and under Magnus’ shirt, fingers dancing over Magnus’ skin.

Holding back another shiver, Manus snorted, finally opening his eyes. “Sap,” he mumbled before swiftly standing.

“Hey!” Alec called, pouting when Magnus looked back over his shoulder. “Where are you going?”

Magnus smirked. “What? Were you in the middle of something? I’m sorry, I didn’t know.”

Alec growled, reaching out and tugging Magnus down on the couch next to him. Magnus laughed, wrapping his arms around Alec and kissing him thoroughly before licking the side of his face. Alec winced. “That was not sexy.”

“I know,” Magnus smirked. “But I’m hungry. Come on.”

After a dinner that consisted of French toast, coffee, and a side of each other, they retreated upstairs, where Chairman Meow was waiting in the window seat, perking up the second he saw Alec.

“What did you do to my cat?” Magnus pouted, approaching Chairman Meow slowly. He was just kneeling down to pet the Chairman when he stood, hopping off the window seat and running to Alec.

Alec chuckled, picking the purring Chairman up.

“That’s it, you have to go,” Magnus said, standing and folding his arms. “I can’t be disrespected like this in my own house.”

Alec looked up slowly, giving Magnus his best puppy dog eyes and fuck, Magnus had no defenses for Alec’s puppy eyes. “Really? Isn’t there anything I can do to change your mind?” he asked, moving to set Chairman Meow down outside the door, closing it behind the cat.

“Is he too young to see what goes on in here?” Magnus joked.

Alec stalked towards him slowly, eyes shining. “Maybe,” he whispered, leaning in for a kiss.

Magnus turned at the last minute, making Alec’s lips land on his cheek. “It’s not going to be that easy,” he said, pushing Alec back towards the bed, laughing all the while.

“Whatever you want,” Alec grinned cheekily.

Magnus raised an eyebrow. “Okay.”

A few minutes later, Magnus was willing to forgive Alec for anything.

“Mmmm,” Magnus moaned into the pillow. “Have I mentioned how much I love you recently?”

Alec chuckled behind him, shaking his head slowly. “You love my hands,” he teased.

“That too,” Magnus agreed, humming as Alec continued his massage.

“Don’t fall asleep,” Alec berated. “I’m next.”

Magnus nodded. “Not sleeping,” he muttered sleepily.

Alec poked him. And then poked him again. “I will resort to tickling you, don’t test me,” he threatened.

Groaning, Magnus rolled over, dislodging Alec from his back. He pouted, “You’re so mean. I don’t know why I love you.”

“Because I give good massages?” Alec asked, leaning in to kiss him.

“Hm. I guess,” Magnus said, tangling his hands in Alec’s hair to pull him in for a deeper, lingering kiss.

“Magnus,” Alec said, breathing heavily.

“ _Fine_ ,” Magnus sighed, sitting up. He made Alec sit on the edge of the bed, getting on his knees behind him, massaging his shoulders slowly. “How’s that?” Magnus asked, leaning down to talk directly into Alec’s ear.

Alec let his head fall forward. “Niiice,” he said, dragging the word out, making Magnus laugh.

“So,” Magnus said, talking in a soft, quiet voice as he continued to work the knots out of Alec’s shoulders, hands running down his back here and there. “Are you nervous for the chemistry screening?”

Alec hummed thoughtfully, sounding perfectly relaxed from the massage. “Not really,” he finally said. “I mean, I do want this part badly. But I can’t control who I do and don’t have chemistry with.”

Magnus nodded, digging his fingers into Alec’s shoulders. “But it’s exciting, I mean they wouldn’t do a chemistry screening if they didn’t like you. I hope you have my winnings ready for me.”

“Five dollars?” Alec laughed. “I think I can manage.”

“Good,” Magnus said, leaning over to kiss Alec’s cheek.

“And you,” Alec asked. “Ready for touring?”

Magnus’ Midnight Magic tour would kick off two weeks from Monday and, despite knowing it would make their schedules even more hectic and it even harder to see each other, Magnus was excited. “So ready,” Magnus laughed. “It’s been a year since I was touring regularly. I hate the crazy hours but also—”

“It’s your favorite part of your job,” Alec finished, turning back to smile at Magnus. “I know.”

Magnus’ heart skipped as he leaned forward to kiss Alec. Alec pulled away quickly, barely letting their lips brush. “Not done with my massage,” he berated.

Magnus shook his head, going back to massaging Alec’s shoulders.

“Don’t take up with a roadie,” Alec advised a few minutes later.

Magnus was caught off guard, choking on a laugh. “I would _never_ ,” he said when he could breathe again, resting his chin on Alec’s shoulder, breath brushing against Alec’s ear. “Besides, what use do I have for a roadie, when I have you?” he asked, arms snaking around Alec’s waist, hands slipping under Alec’s shirt to slowly pull it up.

“Just checking,” Alec whispered. And Magnus knew that it was mostly a joke but that Alec was worried about them. Pulling Alec’s shirt off, he leaned back, running his hands up and down Alec’s back, massaging his shoulders before running them down his arms.

“Alec,” he whispered, a little embarrassed by how soft his voice was, how everything he felt for Alec, which was so much, was perfectly visible in just that word. “There’s no one else I want… ever,” the last word was confessed on the edge of a breath, Magnus’ lips pressed to the warm skin between Alec’s shoulder blades.

He could both hear and feel Alec’s breath hitch, falling back on the bed as Alec moved suddenly, turning around and pressing in on Magnus, their lips meeting in a burst of emotion before Magnus’ brain caught up to what was happening, lips struggling to keep up the fast pace of Alec’s kiss as Magnus’ hands roamed up and down Alec’s back, tugging him close; Alec’s hands tangled in his hair, angling his head to deepen the kiss.

When he pulled back, they were both completely out of breath, Alec’s voice low and hoarse. “I love you, Magnus,” he whispered breathlessly. Magnus’ eyes were wide, heart stuttering in his chest as he stared up at Alec, whose eyes were dark and serious, the look in them sending shivers down Magnus’ back. Alec hesitated a moment and Magnus reached up, brushing his hair out of his eyes and kissing him softly.

Alec’s next words were mumbled against Magnus’ lips, “You’re it for me, Magnus. Forever.”

It was Magnus’ turn to lose his breath, eyes going wide as he pulled back and stared up at Alec. He couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think. So, he settled for rolling over until he was straddling Alec’s hips and bringing their lips back together, letting the kiss say everything else.

***

Alec left the chemistry screening with a grin on his face, slipping into the car, already dialing Magnus. It went to voicemail as he knew it would, Magnus currently being in the middle of rehearsals and getting together the last details for the tour, having only two weeks left to make sure things ran smoothly.

Alec was still grinning as he left a message. “I don’t want to curse it,” he said. “But I think it went well.”

Alec woke up the next morning with a missed call, half a dozen texts full of ‘i told you so’ and ‘it’s nice that my boyfriend is almost as amazing as me’ and a memorable good night/morning picture of Magnus and the Chairman cuddling in Alec’s spot on the bed. Shaking his head as he got up for the day, Alec quickly listened to the message. “Get my winnings ready, Alexander. I knew you’d kill it. I’m so proud of you.”

They’d been missing each other a lot, both busy, resulting in leaving ridiculous voicemails and sappy texts sent in the middle of the night. It was working though. Alec still missed Magnus and was admittedly pining frequently still, but it was bearable.

Alec called him as he stepped into the bathroom to shower, leaving a good morning message for Magnus to wake up to. “Morning sleepy head, I think you forgot to say I told you so a few more times,” he teased. “Call me later. And I love you.”

Alec shook his head at his own reflection, they were ridiculous.

“Jace has been smiling a lot and I heard Clary sneak out last night,” Alec said in his next voicemail. “I told Jace I thought I heard someone breaking in last night, his face turned very red. I’ve already sent a picture.”

He woke up the next morning to far too many laugh-crying emojis. “Please, Alexander, if you love me, you will pretend to search the apartment for an intruder the next time you hear them sneaking about.”

It wasn’t until a few days later that they finally managed to find time to actually talk, Alec on his way to lunch with the producers and director of the movie and Magnus between rehearsals.

“I think I’m dying, Alexander,” Magnus groaned as soon as he answered the phone. “I forgot how much I hate preparing for a tour. There’s so much to do and Raphael keeps dragging me to the gym, saying I’m not in good enough shape. Screw him, my ass looks as great as it always has.”

“Can’t disagree there,” Alec snorted.

“Exactly, you love my ass!”

Alec most definitely heard someone tripping in the background. Biting his lip on a laugh, he asked, “Was Raphael near you when you shouted that?”

“Obviously. He tripped. Now he’s glaring at me,” Magnus said, sounding thoroughly unconcerned. “Enough about me. Tell me all about the chemistry screening audition thingy.”

Alec smiled softly, stopping at the street corner before crossing the street. “I think it went good—”

“Good? I’m sure it was brilliant, like you.”

“Have you been drinking?” Alec chuckled.

“I’m high on life and you, my darling. Continue.”

Alec shook his head, lingering outside the restaurant, he was early anyway. “Aline, the main actress, is great. Super talented and I think we get along pretty well. I don’t know, I’m…hopeful.”

Magnus gasped loudly. “Did you just say you’re hopeful? Alexander Gideon Lightwood, ‘Mr. I got a callback but it was probably only because I sucked and they want to make fun of me some more’, actually hopeful after an audition?”

“Shut up,” Alec snorted, pouting even though Magnus wasn’t there to see it.

“I am shocked, truly shocked.”

“Magnus!”

Alec’s heart sank for a moment as he heard Isabelle calling for Magnus, but he had to be going anyway.

“Good luck with your lunch,” Magnus said quickly. “I love you and I’ll call you later.”

“Love you too,” Alec said. Hanging up, he took a few deep breaths, getting his grin under control before heading inside.

“Alexander, I am going to kill Raphael, I wanted you to be the first to know. When I inevitably fail and perish at his hands, you can have Chairman.”

Alec chuckled later that night when he listened to Magnus’ voicemail. Instead of calling him back, Alec just texted, telling Magnus to call when he was free, hoping to actually talk to him or, even better, video chat for a while. Somehow, when Alec wasn’t looking, a week had passed, and they hadn’t gotten a single video chat in since Alec left L.A.

Moving about, trying to keep his mind busy, Alec started packing. He’d be leaving the next afternoon with Jace and Lydia for a con in Paris, most the cast was going to be there and they were expecting to hear whether or not they were getting picked up for a second season any day now, leaving Alec excited but on edge. It didn’t help that Paris meant an even bigger time zone difference which would make it even harder to talk to Magnus over the weekend.

He’d just finished packing, changing into a pair of sweats and slipping into bed when his phone rang. A smile immediately crossing his face, Alec answered Magnus’ facetime, heart skipping when faced with Magnus smiling brightly at him.

“Alexander, my love,” Magnus called loudly, possibly a little drunkenly, holding a hand to his heart. He inclined his head, “Have you gained weight?”

***

“I swear to god, Alexander, I will kill you if you don’t tell me how this is resolved in the next episode. Or worse, I won’t kill you, but I will never have sex with you again.”

“Gross,” Isabelle called, throwing a pillow at Magnus as he hung up the phone, leaving Alec a lovely voicemail for the morning. “That is too much information.”

“Says the person who was so proud when her brother lost his virginity to me years ago,” Magnus teased, throwing a handful of popcorn across the room at her.

“I’m too innocent to hear this,” Simon said, staring resolutely at the tv screen as whatever show it was that came on after Alec’s started. They’d come over to watch the episode with Magnus, it wasn’t quite the same as watching with Alec but Magnus sent many a screaming caps-locked text during the show. So it was good enough.

The next week was more of the same but Magnus did get to see adorable pictures of Alec attempting to smile in pictures with fans and wooing the entire populace of Paris, Magnus was sure, with the adorable way he answered questions during his panels and interviews, so serious and orderly. They managed to talk for a few minutes every day but Alec’s Paris night was Magnus’ mid-day when he was busy rehearsing. Still, even with the continuing rumors of their breakup, things were calming down and it was _good_. Magnus would be attending a gala in New York a little over a week after tour kicked off and staying with Alec for the night, and not long after Alec would be flying out to one of his shows. It was actually working this time, even with more crap piling up. Meaning that even though Magnus went to bed every night missing having another body next to his, he still went to bed with a grin on his face, always waking up to a voice mail and multiple texts from Alec.

In the flash of an eye, it was the day of the tour kickoff. They’d be playing in L.A. before heading to San Francisco the next night and Sacramento the night after. Las Vegas would be after Magnus flew to New York and back, and then on from there.

He woke up early, heading to a radio interview, feeling all around good about the tour. Everything was in order, Luke as on top of everything like always, and Magnus loved the start of a tour, teeming with possibilities, it was his favorite. He’d put together an amazing show for his fans and he couldn’t wait to get started.

The radio interview went well, it was someone Magnus interviewed with often, even listening to the show himself some mornings when he went for a run. These days, it wasn’t often Magnus liked one of his interviewers but he found it perfectly easy to banter back and forth with the radio DJ, who steered clear of any personal questions, complimenting the album and how swiftly it rose to the top of the charts before turning to talk of the tour.

“Finally, and I hate to ask but everyone wants to know, we know you were involved with a certain dark-haired actor? I promise I won’t ask what happened,” the DJ laughed.

Magnus kept the smile on his face, finding his laugh was less forced than usual when talk turned to Alec, though he did feel a little betrayed. Just when he was starting to like this guy.

“Our listeners are just wondering, what are your thoughts on him landing the big role in the new superhero movie, Downworlders?”

Magnus froze, heart stopping. Alec got the part?

***

Alec was in the airport in Paris, about to board the plane when he got the call telling him he got the part. He’d stopped breathing, couldn’t quite believe it at first. Lydia and Jace had looked at him like him like they were worried he was having a stroke or something, but rather than answer their questions, he’d immediately called Magnus. Of course, it was the middle of the night there and Magnus didn’t answer, Alec had hesitated, he couldn’t tell him in a voicemail. He debated calling again, knowing eventually it would wake Magnus up but Magnus had been so busy recently that he hadn’t much time to sleep in general and, as excited as Alec was, knowing it wouldn’t start to feel real until he told Magnus, he couldn’t bring himself to do that. Instead, he left a short voicemail, telling Magnus to call him as soon as possible.

“You got the part, didn’t you?” Jace asked when Alec turned back to them. They were both grinning, eyes shining.

Alec shrugged, biting back his own grin. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” It was stupid, they’d already figured it out, but Alec wanted Magnus to be the first to know. Of course, Magnus called him back while he was asleep on the plane and he must’ve been busy by the time Alec landed, and Alec was in a meeting when Magnus called again and it was ridiculous that they couldn’t manage to find five minutes to talk, communicating all via text and Alec couldn’t tell him this over text.

Alec hadn’t counted on them announcing his casting before the ink had dried on the contracts.

When Alec woke one morning later that week to find his name all over the internet once again, he’d groaned, rolling over and burying his head in his pillow. His phone rang a few minutes later and he answered with a wince, holding the phone slightly away from his ear.

“Alexander Gideon Lightwood you did not get this part and not tell me, your favorite person in the world about it!” Isabelle shrieked.

Alec groaned. Isabelle continued yelling.

“I can’t believe Magnus didn’t tell me,” she finished, a pout evident in her voice.

“I’m sorry Isabelle,” Alec said, staring up at his ceiling blankly. “I didn’t know it was going to be announced so soon, it literally just happened.”

“Why didn’t you call?” Izzy demanded, a note of real hurt evident in her voice.

Trying to ignore the way his heart was racing and the sick feeling in his gut, he sighed. “Because I haven’t even been able to talk to Magnus,” he said softly. “I wanted to tell him first.”

“Oh, Alec,” Isabelle sighed. “I think he knows now.”

He knew it was stupid but he felt guilty, like he’d broken Magnus’ trust or something, by not telling him right away. Which was _stupid_ , he’d tried it wasn’t his fault their schedules were so conflicting. Once he was done apologizing to Isabelle and promised to make it up to her and never not tell her something again, Alec called Magnus, not even bothering to climb out of bed.

Magnus answered on the first ring. “Alexander.”

***

Magnus was on his way from the radio station to the night's venue when Alec called. He’d been trying to shake the disappointment in his gut. He didn’t blame Alec, they’d been missing each other the last few days and he’d said he had something important to tell Magnus but they just hadn’t had time to talk. He knew, logically, that Alec had wanted to tell him and just hadn’t had time. But that didn’t stop his heart from sinking when he heard it from a radio DJ. He’d gone online as soon as the interview was over; it was all over the internet. Alec Lightwood to stare alongside Aline Penhallow in new superhero franchise Downworlders where it’s rumored Lightwood will be playing a gun touting superhero who goes by the name of Nephilim.

Magnus had known he would get the part but the excitement over it was tainted by his disappointment and the sudden reminder of how much long-distance relationships sucked. Which he hated because he was excited for Alec and so proud. Still, he wanted to celebrate with Alec, take him out, and they couldn’t do that even if they were in the same state.

Answering the phone, they were both quiet for a moment, Magnus closing his eyes and resting his head back against the seat. He attempted to shake away the gross feelings ruining his mood, this was a _great_ thing and he wouldn’t ruin it because he was petty and wanted to be the first to know.

Smiling softly, Magnus finally spoke. “You owe me five dollars.”

He heard Alec let out a relieved breath before chuckling softly. “I know,” he said, voice low and soft, making Magnus’ heart ache. For the first time in the last two weeks, he fully felt every mile between them and hated them all with a passion. “Aren’t you going to say it?”

Magnus smirked. “I was going to wait, but if you insist,” he teased. “I told you so.”

Alec laughed and Magnus knew it was one of those full body laughs that he loved so much. He grew quiet after a minute, talking barely loud enough for Magnus to hear him over the phone and through the sounds of L.A. traffic around him. “Thanks for betting on me.”

Magnus’ heart skipped. “Anytime.”

“I wanted to tell you first.”

“I know,” Magnus whispered, smiling softly even as there was a dull ache in his chest. “Stupid time zones.”

“It didn’t even feel real, without you knowing.”

“Does it now?”

“It’s starting to,” Alec admitted in a low voice.

“I wish we could celebrate,” Magnus said, staring out the window in a bid to distract himself from the emotions swirling around his gut.

“We will. You’ll be here in nine days and we’ll celebrate then.”

“Counting days, Alexander?” Magnus teased.

“Always.”

Magnus sighed as they pulled up behind the venue, the last thing he wanted to do was hang up the phone. This wasn’t at all how he’d imagined this going, he’d known Alec would get the part and he’d imagined gushing over it with Alec and being in the same state, and this all felt so… forced.

Closing his eyes tightly, Magnus groaned.

“You have to go?” Alec prompted sounding as disappointed as Magnus felt.

Magnus nodded even though Alec couldn’t see him. “Video chat tonight, after the concert?” Magnus suggested before hesitating. “I know it will be late there —”

“I’d much rather talk to you than sleep,” Alec cut in.

The knot in Magnus’ stomach began to unravel itself, a smirk crossing his face. “Yeah?”

“Obviously.”

Magnus finally opened the door, slipping out of the car. “I’m proud of you, you know?” he said, leaning back against the side of the car.

Alec laughed lightly. “I know.”

“Good,” Magnus said firmly. “Love you.”

“Love you too.”

***

It was nearly three A.M. when Magnus texted to make sure Alec was still awake. Alec turned off the movie he’d only half been paying attention to, grabbing his laptop as Magnus skyped him. His heart skipped like it always did when confronted with a grinning Magnus. Through a slightly horrible connection, Alec was able to make out Magnus’ room on his tour bus, Magnus sitting in the middle of the bed, surrounded by golden sheets, Chairman Meow curled on his lap because of course Magnus was taking Chairman on tour with him.

Magnus’ eyes shined with lingering excitement from the concert, hair wet and messy, dressed in nothing but boxers and one of Alec’s shirts which briefly made Alec’s mind go blank.

“Are you trying to kill me?” Alec asked, raising an eyebrow.

Magnus laughed which did nothing to help Alec breathe as he loved that sound far too much. The entire day, Alec had felt off, despite his reassurances to Magnus that they would celebrate when he got to New York, Alec had been slightly disappointed not to be able to celebrate now. Letting Jace and Lydia take him out for dinner and drinks had helped but no matter how hard he fought it, he couldn’t help but think that this was just like before. Missing things. Constant disappointment.

“First,” Magnus said, serious even as he was practically glowing from the concert. “We have to do better.”

Alec froze, heart stopping for a moment before he inclined his head.

Magnus’ smile grew softer, fingers running through Chairman Meow’s fur. “We’re both busy,” he continued. “And being in different states and time zones, sucks. And I love the stupid messages we leave each other but we have to be better. Set aside time to actually talk. At least every other day.”

Breath whooshing back in, Alec shook his head. “Every day,” he corrected.

Magnus laughed, eyes shining. “Every day,” he agreed. “When are you free tomorrow?”

Alec thought for a minute, “I’m meeting up with my co-stars for some bonding at the gym in the morning. Drinks at night. But I should be free most the afternoon.”

“Perfect,” Magnus grinned. “We’re heading to San Francisco tonight so I’ll have some free time between checking in at the hotel and soundcheck.”

“Perfect,” Alec agreed, unable to hold back a smile as he stared at Magnus, who was clearly full of pent-up energy as his shoulders swayed back and forth slowly.

“Now,” Magnus said, settling back against his mound of pillows, scaring Chairman away as he tugged the laptop closer. “Tell me everything.”

“Everything?”

“Everything. About the movie and the con. Everything we’ve missed this last week.”

Alec’s heart settled into a normal rhythm, his bad mood completely forgotten as he leaned back on the couch, getting comfortable, staring at Magnus. “You have that much time?”

“For you?” Magnus smirked. “I have all the time in the world.”

***

That first stop of the tour went perfectly. Magnus had almost forgotten how addicting it was to perform. There was something about an arena full of people, singing along with him, screaming his name — it was… Magical. Magnus loved small, intimate performances, but nothing was like thousands of people in the same room, briefly united as they enjoyed his music. It was enough to give anyone a big ego, that was why Magnus was lucky to have people like Raphael in his life to make sure he never got too full of himself.

He threw himself into his performance, forgetting all the crap happening, drowning in the energy the crowd was feeding him. Nights like this, he never wanted to end. Hanging out with Raphael, Isabelle, Maia, and Simon who was tagging along on tour for a few stops, all he could think about was Alec. How happy and proud he was of Alec. With the show and now this movie, his career was doing better than ever. He didn’t think about how it might make things harder again for a while once the started filming because that wasn’t nearly as important as Alec landing this role, the kind that only came around once.

Finally retiring to the tour bus, the next three hours passed in the blink of an eye, Magnus listening closely to Alec talk about the movie and how he was already nervous but excited too. Magnus spending the last hour making Alec laugh with stories from rehearsals and how Raphael nearly murdered one of the other dancers that night, wanting to do nothing but make Alec laugh for the rest of his days.

When they finally hung up, he was too tired to bother climbing out of bed to set his laptop somewhere safe, leaving it on the bed next to him, but not too tired to miss Alec already.

***

Things were moving quickly suddenly, filming for the movie was set to start at the end of the month; the show got picked up for season two just a few days after Alec learned he got the part in Downworlders, meaning as soon as he finished filming the movie he’d be going back to set for the show. Magnus was playing a show every night, Luke constantly sending Alec videos from the concerts. They managed to talk every day, carving out at least a few minutes to catch up with each other, and continuing to leave messages when that wasn’t enough. One of Alec’s favorite parts of any day had quickly become waking up to a morning voicemail from Magnus.

He was counting down days — hell, hours — until Magnus would be in New York, even if it was only for twenty-four hours. Alec knew things would only get harder when he started filming but he found he didn’t mind because sure, it would be hard, but it wasn’t impossible and it would be worth it. They’d make it work because — because he couldn’t imagine his life any other way, couldn’t imagine it without Magnus.

Maybe that was why when he woke up two days before Magnus was supposed to arrive and saw Sebastian’s newest article and accompanying pictures all he felt was the urge to strangle Sebastian. _Inside sources say Alec Lightwood has moved on after shocking break up with pop superstar Magnus Bane. The actor was spotted with new co-star all over the city the last few days, the two were even spotted getting cozy over drinks last night._ Alec had no idea where Sebastian had even gotten the pictures as some of them were from places he shouldn’t have been able to get. At the bar last night, the gym the other day, going into Aline’s hotel but, of course, though they were all three there, the photos helpfully cropped Aline out, leaving only Alec and Victor.

Magnus called as Alec was finishing up his run. “And here I thought I was the cheater,” Magnus teased, a smile in his voice.

Alec chuckled, trying to catch his breath from his run. “Sorry, I should’ve said something. My new co-star though…he’s just so…you know? I couldn’t help myself.”

“Oh, I know,” Magnus said dreamily. “I researched him. _Thoroughly_. I don’t blame you for leaving me for him.”

Alec shook his head. “There’s only one problem.”

“Hmm? What’s that?”

“Well you see, he’s nice, fairly good looking but…he’s not you.”

Magnus groaned. “God. You’re such a sap.”

Alec smirked, crossing the street quickly. Magnus must’ve heard the traffic in the background as his voice suddenly turned teasing, practically a purr as he asked, “Were you just going for your morning run?” Alec could easily picture the smirk on Magnus’ face, eyebrow raised, eyes flashing with amusement.

“Yes,” Alec said, laughing as he stepped into his building, heading for the elevator with a nod to the security guard.

“Hmm. How far did you run? Far enough to build a nice sweat I assume?”

Alec shook his head, rolling his eyes at his boyfriend’s antics as he stepped into the elevator. “Yes. I need to take a shower before meeting my parents for brunch.”

He could picture Magnus wrinkling his nose, making a sound of distaste. “Send me a picture?”

“Of my parents or the shower?”

“Of you, dummy. Shirtless. Glistening with sweat.”

Alec snorted, pushing out of the elevator and into the apartment. “Not sure my new boyfriend would like that,” he teased.

Magnus snorted. “Get going movie star, I don’t have all day.”

***

Magnus could barely sleep. It was ridiculous. It wasn’t like it’d been all that long since he saw Alec, just over three weeks, a perfectly reasonable amount of time, except for the fact that he’d really prefer to go no more than three days or three hours without seeing him. Magnus slept fitfully for a couple hours in the fancy hotel he was staying at after his concert in Fresno.

It was the last concert in California until the end of the tour as he’d be closing out in L.A. once again in a few months. The first week and a half of tour had been amazing, Magnus always loved everything about being on tour. Spending the days relaxing in the tour bus with the others, nights on stage. Letting Raphael drag him to the gym at every hotel but only because he tended to indulge in every city and all the wonderful places to eat. It was weird not having Clary on tour but Magnus loved his band and Raphael, Isabelle, and Maia, even if Raphael was constantly criticizing what he ate.

“You’ll never be able to do my routines if you continue to let yourself go,” Raphael reminded him just the night before as he ate pie for dinner.

“I have not let myself go,” Magnus gasped. “Have you seen my abs recently? And I never miss a step of your routines. My ass is amazing, I do yoga and your insane workouts. Not all of us can survive on rabbit food.”

Raphael had snorted and ignored him but Magnus had caught the smile he was trying to hide.

Getting up while it was still dark outside, Magnus pulled out his guitar, working on a new song. He didn’t have to pack anything, he had an outfit already waiting for him in New York and, while he probably wouldn’t bother stopping by his New York apartment, he’d just borrow some of Alec’s clothes to sleep in, if he needed them at all. Glancing at the clock, Magnus sighed. Still a few hours until his flight. Settling back with his guitar and songbook, Magnus lost himself to the music.

When his phone buzzed around six in the morning, the song was nearly done, Magnus happy with everything except the last verse, rewriting it a million times. Magnus grinned before even glancing at his phone, expecting it to be Alec. His smile melted, anger pooling in his gut as he stared at the name on his phone. Satan #2. What the hell was Sebastian doing calling him?

Tossing his phone away with a disgusted snarl, Magnus turned back to his guitar, attempting to get his good mood back. His phone buzzed again and again and again. Magnus did his best to ignore it, humming as he strummed the guitar, eyes moving over the lyrics and notes he’d written down but he couldn’t focus, heart sinking every time the phone rang. Magnus did not want to know why Sebastian would suddenly be calling him, there could be no good reason for it.

Fuck. Screw Satan, Magnus thought angrily, standing and stomping over to where his phone had landed on the ground.

“What do you want, Satan?” he asked in a calm, emotionless voice. “I mean Sebastian,” he corrected.

Sebastian’s voice was just as sickeningly sweet and slimy over the phone. There was no way the man wasn’t a psychopath, he got off on ruining people’s careers for fuck’s sake. “Magnus Bane, long time no see. I was beginning to worry you were ignoring me.”

“Why on earth would I do that?” Magnus asked, forcing his voice to sound bored, not giving away a hint of the unease he was feeling.

“I have an offer to make you,” Sebastian said, ignoring Magnus entirely. “You see, what my site really needs is an exclusive interview with you, no one has gotten your side of this breakup yet. I want to tell your story. For the both of us.”

Magnus snorted. He wasn’t even surprised really. He’d been waiting for something like this. “Why would I ever do that? You’re the one who started all this. We both know there’s not an ounce of truth to those articles you’ve been writing.”

“Really? Because I thought Alec confirmed your breakup? And it looks like he’s found someone new. Don’t you want to give a tell-all, no bars held expose?”

Magnus breathed out through his nose, nails digging into his palm. “Truthfully? I want you to go fuck yourself.”

Sebastian laughed, the sound somehow surrounding Magnus, making him feel dirty and as slimy as Sebastian’s morels. “Tsk. Tsk. That’s not very friendly, Magnus,” he said. “There’s one other thing I want but perhaps you should check your email first, it might help me persuade you to do the…right thing.”

Magnus didn’t feel a thing as he pulled his phone away from his ear, quickly opening his email. He felt nothing as he opened the newest one from an account he didn’t recognize, with an empty subject line. All he heard was his own heart beating, not fast, just normal, the sound seeming to echo in the empty room as he downloaded the attachment. Opening it, his pulse spiked for a moment before evening out once more as he scrolled through pictures of him and Alec, private pictures Sebastian shouldn’t have been able to get. Followed by emails and message threads between Catarina and Hodge and various other members of their teams.

“So, you see, Magnus,” Sebastian said when Magnus picked the phone up again. “I’m just trying to protect you. I know how fans react to this sort of thing, they never like being made the butt of a joke or a fake relationship. PR scandals? Those _never_ end well. Fans…they don’t like these kinds of stunts and I would just hate for all of that to be released — especially the pictures. Alec is on a family-friendly show, staring in a family-friendly movie. Parents don’t want their kids accidentally seeing those kinds of pictures. Let me help you make sure they never do, Magnus.”

Magnus closed his eyes, shaking his head slowly. He shouldn’t be surprised by this really and he wasn’t in a way. Sebastian was Satan after all, though Magnus was beginning to think he’d been wrong all along. Sebastian clearly deserved the number one Satan spot.

“What do you want?” Magnus asked, proud of the fact that his voice remained steady and emotionless.

“Besides that interview? Just…some money. Couple hundred thousand or so.”

“It’s nice to see you haven’t left behind your roots, Morgenstern,” Magnus said. He sat down on the edge of the bed, all thoughts of seeing Alec later that day long forgotten. A chilly numbness now emanating from his heart.

“Roots?”

“Never too good to blackmail, huh?” Magnus chuckled darkly but it wasn’t even a question. Sebastian would win this one cause Magnus wouldn’t risk it. Not Alec’s career, not their relationship. He couldn’t let Sebastian release those pictures and emails.

Hanging up as quickly as possible, Magnus dialed Ragnor. “I need a favor,” Magnus said without preamble.

“Anything,” Ragnor said.

Magnus explained quickly, there was no one else he could go to with this. Luke might literally kill Sebastian and he couldn’t risk Sebastian finding out by going to Cat. Ragnor listened intently like always, cursing softly here and there. “Don’t worry, my friend. I’ll handle this.”

***

Alec was smiling long before he answered the door. He only had a minute to take in Magnus’ expression, heart twisting, worry overwhelming in an instant as he noted the dark circles under Magnus’ eyes, the dim look in them. Then there was no distance between them, Magnus tugging Alec into a rib-crushing hug.

“Hey,” Alec mumbled, running a hand through Magnus’ hair, concern clear in his voice. “You okay?”

Magnus pulled back after a minute, smile on his face, eyes slowly lighting up, but there was something else, Alec thought, searching his face.

Magnus just shook his head. “I’m perfect,” he lied, moving in to capture Alec’s lips before he could say anything else. Something didn’t feel right, tugging at Alec’s mind but who was he to complain when Magnus Bane was kissing him like he couldn’t breathe without Alec’s lips on his?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All I'm saying is it's not as bad as you think and you can yell at me on [Tumblr @imawriteriwrite](http://imawriteriwrite.tumblr.com/)!
> 
> Hopefully, the next update will be soon, we're reaching the end! Are you excited? I'm pretty excited. Hope you loved this chapter, let me know your thoughts/any favorite lines, in the comments! XOXOX


	28. You're driving me wild, wild, wild

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout out to Maud who catches my "too"s and has put up with my torturing her throughout this fic. You're the best. <3
> 
> Chapter title from WILD by Troye Sivan

Magnus had spent the whole flight wide awake, thinking about his conversation with Sebastian, trying to decide whether to tell Alec or not. He knew he needed to tell Alec, they were supposed to be better this time and that meant talking, telling each other everything. But when he got to Alec’s apartment, slipping in through the parking garage so he wasn’t seen, wide-framed sunglasses hiding his face, hood up until he stepped out of the elevator, once he saw Alec open the door, grinning his crooked, wide-eyed grin like some part of him couldn’t believe Magnus was there, Magnus found he couldn’t say anything at all.

All but falling into Alec’s arms, breathing in the comforting, grounding scent of his shampoo, hands clenching in Alec’s shirt like he was afraid he’d pull back too soon, Magnus screwed his eyes shut, trying to breathe. Fucking Sebastian Morgenstern. He didn’t know how he hadn’t expected this. It wasn’t like Sebastian was ever above blackmail. Last time, it’d been the final straw, what had finally fully torn them apart and Magnus — Magnus couldn’t let that happen this time.

So when Alec pulled back, hazel eyes searching Magnus’ face, making his heart hurt because fuck, what did he do to deserve Alec? Asking Magnus if he was okay, all Magnus could do was nod. Yes, of course, he was okay. And he was, because fuck Sebastian. Because Magnus was always okay, as long as Alec was there.

Whispering, “I’m perfect,” before bringing their lips together, Magnus let Alec’s kiss drive everything else from his mind, drowning in the man he loved.

Alec pulled back slowly, letting his lips linger on Magnus’, coming back after breaking away before finally pulling back enough to look into Magnus’ eyes, hand resting on the side of his face. Magnus kept his eyes closed a minute, lingering in the moment. Just happy to have Alec close enough to touch. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

Magnus opened his eyes, heart aching at the worry and concern written all over Alec’s face. He nodded slowly, grip tightening on Alec’s hips. “Yeah,” he said before clearing his throat. “Yeah. Just didn’t sleep much. I think I’m coming down with something.”

Magnus’ words didn’t seem to help at all, Alec watching him closely, moving to check his forehead for a fever.

Magnus smiled, leaning in to peck his lips. “It’s just been a long week,” he whispered. “I promise.”

“Want to sleep?” Alec offered, words breathed out across Magnus’ lips.

“I—” Magnus started but Alec didn’t let him finish, grabbing his hand and walking backward. “Don’t you want to do something more than sleep?” Magnus asked, following behind him.

Alec shook his head, smiling softly. “I love sleeping with you.”

Magnus raised an eyebrow, smirking.

“Not like that, you animal. Well, like that,” Alec corrected, shaking his head as he laughed. “But literal sleeping also.”

Magnus didn’t argue, letting Alec tug him into his bedroom, watching in amusement as Alec sat him on the side of the bed before leaning down to take Magnus’ shoes and socks off. “What are you doing?” Magnus whispered.

“Taking care of you. Now, shush,” Alec replied without looking up. He unzipped Magnus’ hoodie as Magnus was in comfortable plane clothes, yoga pants, a hoodie, and one of Alec’s shirts. Alec smiled, shaking his head at the shirt but said nothing. When Alec moved to carefully slipping Magnus’ rings off, Magnus’ heart slowed down. He watched Alec closely, knowing he was looking at him like he’d never seen him before. Alec constantly did this, some small thing that caught Magnus completely off guard, leaving him trying to catch his breath, thinking he couldn’t believe this was his, that Alec did this for him.

Finished removing Magnus’ jewelry, Alec pulled back the covers, climbing into bed behind Magnus before lightly tugging him down, one arm under Magnus’ head, the other wrapped around his waist.

“Comfy?” Alec whispered, breath tickling the back of Magnus’ neck.

It wasn’t until he laid down that Magnus realized just how tired he was. Making deals with the devil really took it out of a person. He nodded, turning his head to kiss Alec’s arm, tangling their fingers together and pulling Alec’s other arm more securely around him. Within minutes, he was fast asleep, not having a care in the world as long as he was pressed so close to Alec.

***

Alec stayed awake for a bit, enjoying being close to Magnus, idly brushing his fingers through Magnus’ hair, taking the chance to study his face, the way his eyes moved as he slept, dark lashes throwing shadows across his face. He held Alec’s hand even as he slept, Alec’s heart skipping in his chest as he took in the sight of their hands clasped tightly. It was still unbelievable sometimes, that this was real. Alec wasn’t sure he’d ever stop being amazed by this, them. He didn’t mind.

Eventually, he drifted off for a bit, waking when Magnus turned in his arms, brushing the hair out of Alec’s face before kissing him softly. Alec kissed back before he was even completely awake, arms tightening around Magnus, pushing their chests together.

“Should we get up?” Magnus asked between kisses.

Alec shook his head, eyes still closed, brushing his lips slowly over Magnus’. “Don’t wanna leave bed,” Alec mumbled, too busy to form full sentences. Lips lazily brushing together, hints of tongue here and there, making him shiver every time. “Ever.”

Magnus laughed. “I like that plan.”

“Good,” Alec said finally opening his eyes. Magnus looked better now, the circles under his eyes a little less prominent, lips shining from kissing, eyes bright and soft like Alec was used to.

“I’ve missed you,” Magnus admitted, eyes dropping to Alec’s lips before looking up again.

Alec grinned, staring at Magnus’ lips in turn. “I've missed you too.”

They stared for a few minutes longer, just basking in the reality that they were together again, even if it was only for a little while longer. “Thanks for taking care of me,” Magnus finally said. Sitting up, he pushed back the blankets, getting to his knees. Alec bit back a smirk, watching him closely, turning onto his back as Magnus moved over him. “Maybe I should take care of you now?” he suggested. “I did promise you a celebration.”

Alec raised his eyebrows as Magnus moved to straddle him, waiting until their lips were just about to touch to swiftly roll over, changing their positions. Magnus huffed out a laugh, shoving at him. “You’re heavy.”

“I’m not done taking care of you,” Alec replied with a smirk.

Magnus sighed, rolling his eyes and tugging Alec down. “Then get to it already.”

***

“What time is it?” Magnus asked even though he really didn’t want to know, he wanted to just stay there, laying half on top of Alec, the blanket the only thing covering their naked bodies. He wanted to linger here forever.

“I can’t reach my phone,” was Alec’s reply. He tried to move but Magnus pushed him back down.

“Pillows don’t move,” he said, turning over to grab for Alec’s phone on the side table, not sure where his had gone, last he saw it was his in his pants pocket. Magnus quickly glanced at the time about to discard Alec’s phone once he knew he still had a few hours before he’d have to leave to get ready for the gala, before pausing. He wasn’t spying per say, his eyes just happened to linger on something. He froze, eyes wide, heart racing.

Alec must’ve noticed because he propped himself up on one elbow, reaching out for Magnus. “What is it?” he asked.

“You have a missed call from me,” Magnus said, continuing to stare at the notification.

Alec chuckled, leaning close and pressing a kiss to Magnus’ bare shoulder. “Should I call you back now?”

Magnus glanced over his shoulder in time to see Alec freeze, panic written across his face as it clicked. Magnus showed him the phone, heart skipping around. “Love of your life, hmm?” he asked, biting his lip to stop the smile threatening to curl up his mouth.

Alec swallowed, shrugging. Laying back in bed, he stared up at the ceiling, avoiding Magnus’ gaze. “I was referring to Chairman Meow. He just doesn’t have his own phone,” Alec explained.

“Oh, I see,” Magnus nodded, discarding the phone and scooting closer to Alec, propped up on his elbow, face in his hand, running the fingers of his other hand over Alec’s chest idly. “Chairman is the love of your life, of course. Mine too.”

Alec hummed, still not looking at Magnus. Unable to hold back his smirk any longer, Magnus leaned down over Alec, forcing him to look into his eyes as he slowly brought their lips together, just the softest brushing of their mouths, barely bothering to pull back before talking. “Love of your life?” he prompted once more, gazes locked.

Alec swallowed again before nodding. He rolled his eyes, reaching out to tug Magnus down into a heated kiss. Unlike their earlier activity, this kiss wasn’t leading to anything but it was still full of passion, reminding Magnus once again that Alec had the ability to completely take him apart with one swipe of his tongue, one press of his lips against Magnus’.

“Of course,” he muttered, voice hoarse, eyes bright when he pulled back. He studied Magnus a minute before continuing, shaking his head slowly as he talked. “I told you, there’s no one else for me, Magnus. I think I’ve always known that, but I was scared, before.”

Magnus swallowed, heart thudding painfully but not enough to distract him from Alec. “And now?” he asked, holding his breath.

“And now,” Alec said, trailing his hands up and down Magnus’ sides. “I’m not scared anymore,” he confessed still shaking his head softly. “Or, maybe I am, sometimes, but it’s not the same.”

“No?”

“No,” Alec said, the softest smile curving up his lips. “Because I know now.”

“What?”

“That it’s okay to be scared. I’m scared because I love you so much more than I thought was possible and I’m terrified to lose you but—”

“But?” Magnus felt like all he was doing was prompting Alec to continue but his mind turned to mush when confronted with Alexander Lightwood confessing that he thought Magnus was the love of his life. He couldn't think, could only sit there, staring at Alec.

“But, before I thought it was inevitable, that we would end. Now… I hope that never happens.”

Magnus swallowed, feeling like he was breathing for the first time in the last five minutes. He took a moment to search for the right words. “I know things are crazy right now,” Magnus started.

“But?” Alec prompted with a shit-eating grin.

“ _But_. I’m really happy, Alexander.”

“And?”

“ _And_ , you’re the love of my life. I honestly… I don’t think I even knew what love really was, until I fell for you.”

Alec beamed, eyes dancing in the dark room. “Come here,” he whispered, tugging Magnus back down for another kiss. Magnus didn’t hesitate, leaning down and kissing Alec like he was water and Magnus was dying of thirst.

A while later, Magnus half asleep again, head resting on Alec’s chest, enjoying the quiet moment, Alec cleared his throat. Asking haltingly, “Do you ever… Think about the future?”

Magnus’ heart stopped, pulse skipping about. “Our future?” he asked, eyes closed, breathing steady.

“Yeah,” Alec breathed in response.

Magnus smiled faintly, thinking that years from now, he wanted to be exactly where he was now, but no more secrets, the whole world knowing they were it for each other. Living in the same place even if they were both constantly leaving for work. Maybe adopting a couple kids… Magnus swallowed dryly, heart skipping but it wasn’t quite as scary as he was expecting, imaging all that. Imagining rings on their fingers, laying tangled together ten, twenty, thirty years from then.

“Yeah,” Magnus finally said. “Of course.”

“And?” Alec asked slowly.

Magnus looked up, meeting Alec’s gaze. “And, I like the thought of it. You and me, together, years and years and years from now.”

“Me too.”

***

Magnus was lingering in front of the door, making puppy dog eyes at Alec who was useless in resisting them. Magnus pouting up at him could honestly convince him to do pretty much anything. “I wish I could blow off this event,” Magnus said, voice low as his hand trailed down Alec’s torso slowly. Jace had left yesterday, staying over at Clary’s to give Alec and Magnus privacy even though they technically could’ve spent their time at Magnus’ apartment.

Alec didn’t move to stop Magnus’ wandering hands but did level an unimpressed look at him. “Isn’t it a charity event?” he pointed out. “For your charity?”

Magnus groaned, letting his head fall forward, resting on Alec’s shoulder. “Yes?” he said softly. He pulled back a moment later, straightening his clothes, pulling his sunglasses out of his pocket to rest them atop his head. “Clary’s probably already waiting for me downstairs,” he said, Clary having agreed to go as his date for the night.

Alec forced himself not to reach out for Magnus as Magnus sighed one last time before turning to leave. He glanced over his shoulders, said offhandedly, “Besides, I said I want to blow it off — so I can blow you, I might add — not that I’m going to.”

Alec groaned, closing his eyes as if in pain as Magnus left, shutting the door behind him. Magnus was going to be the death of him.

Alec and Jace went out for a bit, playing a few games of pool at a nearby bar where they were never recognized. Alec was in bed, nearly asleep by the time Magnus slipped into the room, having used the key Alec had given him before he left to get into the apartment. Alec snuggled down further into bed, listening to Magnus trip around the room, trying to change in the dark. He’d sent Alec a picture of what he’d worn to the gala, tight gray slacks, suspenders that hung uselessly down his legs and a loose, shiny black button up with multiple buttons undone. Finally managing to rid himself of his clothes, he grabbed the sweats and shirt Alec had left out for him.

Alec smiled as Magnus slipped into bed behind him, moving close to kiss Alec’s cheek before laying down on his side behind him, their bodies pressed close, Magnus’ arm wrapped loosely around Alec’s waist.

“Night, Alexander,” Magnus mumbled into his shoulder.

Alec smiled, snuggling back into Magnus. “Night, sunshine.”

Magnus snorted against Alec but was asleep just a few minutes later. Alec slept better than he had in weeks which was no surprise whatsoever. He’d gotten better at sleeping without Magnus, making due with talking to him before bed or at least leaving him a message beforehand, plus he’d been so busy he was usually exhausted before bed anyway, taking Jace up on his offer of nightly workouts. But nothing compared to going to bed and waking up next to Magnus Bane.

Of course, it would be preferable if it wasn’t by Magnus’ alarm blaring some obnoxious pop song at five in the morning.

Magnus groaned. “Kill it,” he muttered.

“You get it. It’s your phone,” Alec replied, burying his head in an extra pillow.

“ _Aleeeec_ ,” Magnus purred, pleading with him.

And Alec was weak, so he climbed out of bed, tripping around the room before he finally located Magnus’ phone, thumbs fumbling until the alarm suddenly shut off. Alec sighed, rubbing a hand over his face. He was awake now. He glanced over at Magnus who was buried half under the blanket, a pillow over his head. Alec shook his head, smiling softly at his boyfriend.

Magnus’ phone buzzed in his hand and, without thinking, Alec glanced down. His blood went cold when he saw the missed calls and newest text message from Satan #2. Sebastian.

***

Magnus frowned when Alec didn’t return to bed after silencing the alarm. He rolled over, sitting up slowly. “Come back to bed,” he said, rubbing his eyes before looking up at Alec. All the blood in his body froze, heart sinking in one swift drop to the bottom of his stomach.

Alec was staring at Magnus’ phone, frowning slightly, brows furrowed. He looked up slowly, a million questions in his eyes blocked out by a flash of hurt as Magnus swallowed dryly.

Magnus forced his mouth open, words out, but all that came was; “Alexander?”

Alec turned the phone to face Magnus even though he couldn’t make out what was on it from so far away. Alec’s voice was low, utterly emotionless, shattering Magnus’ heart. “Why is Sebastian calling you and asking when you’re going to give him his interview?”

Magnus closed his eyes tightly, breathing in and out, panic slowly surging up from his gut, making his heart beat faster and faster and faster and not in a good way. “Just,” Magnus let out his breath slowly, opening his eyes to meet Alec’s gaze. “Let me explain.”

Alec set his jaw, expression blank but he nodded, staying quiet so Magnus could think, could get his thoughts together. Fuck, Magnus thought, the panic worsening by the moment. He should’ve told Alec yesterday.

Magnus stood up quickly, unable to remain sitting, needing to move, pace, something, all remnants of sleep gone the second he saw Alec’s face. He swallowed, gathering his thoughts before meeting Alec’s gaze again. “Sebastian called me yesterday before my flight,” he explained as calmly as he could. “He — well, he’s back to his old games.” Magnus swallowed dryly unable to look away but terrified of his reaction, the moment Alec’s face would go from blank to — to what? Magnus wasn’t even sure how he would react.

“What did he want?”

Magnus snorted bitterly. “What does he ever want? Money and an interview. I believe he worded it as a tell-all, my side of the breakup since I haven’t spoken about it.”

Alec nodded tightly. “And what does he have?”

Magnus closed his eyes, shaking his head. Unable to look at Alec’s blank face, sharp jaw clenched, eyes narrowed and arms crossed. “Pictures,” Magnus started. “Pictures he shouldn’t have and that your studios would not like getting out as they aren’t exactly family friendly.”

Alec cursed and Magnus hated that he had to keep going, that there was more. “And emails. Between Hodge and Catarina, all kinds of lovely things that outline our fake relationship that was supposed to help both our careers.”

Alec cursed again.

Magnus still hadn’t opened his eyes and was shocked a moment later as Alec tugged him into a hug. Magnus froze before melting against him.

“Are you mad?” he whispered, hands tightening in Alec’s shirt.

“I’m pissed,” Alec replied but he didn’t pull back.

Magnus’ heartbeat echoed around his head as he slowly breathed Alec in before pulling back. “What are you thinking?” he asked softly, fiddling with the hem of Alec’s shirt, unable to force himself to meet Alec’s gaze as his pulse raced.

Alec shook his head slowly, pulling out of Magnus’ reach and turning to pace, rubbing the back of his head. “We aren’t doing it,” he finally said. “We aren’t giving into him again. He can’t be trusted. We need to call Hodge or Luke, let them handle this. Press charges, something.”

Magnus swallowed and shook his head slowly. “We’re doing it. Or. I am anyway.”

“What?” Alec stopped pacing abruptly, shaking his head. “No.”

“Alec,” Magnus sighed, running his hand through his head. “I don’t want to, I want Sebastian to go to jail like he deserves but if we don’t, he’ll release what he has long before Luke or Hodge have a chance to do anything. You just got that role, your show was renewed; I’m not willing to risk this messing up anything for you. Not only will it alienate both our fans but you have a lot of kids watching your show and Downworlders, superhero movies are for everyone, how do you think parents are going to react when naked pictures of you show up all over the internet? And it’s Sebastian, you think anyone will be able to prove it was him? I’m sure he has a dozen fall guys ready to take the blame. He’s a psychopath only he murders careers instead of people.”

Alec grew more and more agitated the longer Magnus talked, tugging at his hair, shaking his head. “ _God,_ Magnus, you already agreed, didn’t you?”

Magnus nodded, he wouldn’t lie to Alec.

“I — I can’t believe you didn’t tell me,” Alec muttered, shaking his head. Magnus couldn’t breathe. Fuck, what had he been thinking? He had a million excuses on the tip of his tongue, the most important, the reason he’d done it, because he wanted to protect Alec, because he didn’t want their day ruined. But he didn’t say anything, letting Alec work through his thoughts. “After — everything we talked about yesterday.”

Magnus swallowed, feeling like he’d been punched in the gut.

“We’re supposed to communicate, Magnus,” Alec said, not loud, not yelling though there was an edge of anger and hurt to his voice as he looked up at Magnus. “No shutting each other out and you don’t tell me about this? Were you ever going to?”

Magnus wanted to close his eyes, look away, deny it, but Alec deserved the truth. Holding his head up high, Magnus admitted, “I don’t know. I didn’t want it to ruin things,” he said softly, knowing it was no excuse but he’d just wanted to live in their little bubble where nothing could touch them. He just wanted all this to go away, he was so sick of it all. “I didn’t want it you get to you,” he finished lamely, shaking his head slowly.

Alec glared, arms folded across his chest. “Magnus, if you’re upset, I’m upset. If something crappy happens…you have to tell me. That’s how this works. How can we be there for each other if I don’t even know what’s going on?”

Magnus opened his mouth but he didn’t know what to say. They stared at each other from across the room, the distance suddenly feeling like so much more than two thousand miles. Alec shook his head, turning and heading into the bathroom. Magnus closed his eyes, trying to breathe.

***

Alec was shaking. There was a soft buzzing at the base of his skull. He gripped the edge of the bathroom sink, closing his eyes and leaning over slightly, trying to breathe. He was going to fucking kill Sebastian. Fuck. He’d known something was wrong yesterday and he’d just let Magnus brush it aside. He should’ve known something like this would happen. He should've known something had happened. He just didn’t get it, how did Sebastian get these things? Hodge and Catarina’s emails shouldn’t be so easily hacked and those pictures should be all but impossible to get. Fuck.

Alec could barely breathe, head spinning as he gripped the sink harder. Everything was piling up again, memories of before insistently playing out in his mind. What were they going to do? How were they going to fix this?

Magnus slipped into the bathroom a few minutes later and Alec straightened up, watching him in the mirror. He came around before Alec, lifting himself up on the bathroom counter an inch or so away, staring at Alec intently.

“Talk to me, Alexander,” he whispered after a few minutes of silence. “Please?”

Alec closed his eyes. He wasn’t even that mad at Magnus. He wanted to be but he understood and he knew he would’ve done the same thing so it seemed hypocritical to pretend otherwise. But he didn’t know what to say. How to fix this. How to — he didn’t even know what.

Magnus sighed, staring down at his hands. “I understand why you’re mad and I’m sorry,” he said softly. “It doesn’t matter why I did it, I’ve should’ve told you right away. Just…I’m sorry. Please forgive me? I — I don’t want this crap to get to us again. I know this is my fault but…don’t push me away. Please.”

Alec shook his head, trying not to smile as he looked over at Magnus. God, he was so weak when it came to Magnus and he didn’t even care. Moving over, he stepped between Magnus’ legs, reaching up to cup his face. “You drive me insane,” Alec whispered, bringing their lips together softly. “Of course, I forgive you,” he added, dragging their mouths apart again. Magnus followed, swallowing the words in a kiss.

“I have to do the interview, you know that, right?” Magnus asked when they parted.

Alec’s heart sank but he nodded. Sebastian sure knew how to push them into a corner. How many other people had the evil bastard done this to?

“I won’t let him win,” Magnus continued, palms flat on Alec’s chest. “But… I can’t let him ruin your career.”

Alec’s heart skipped as he shook his head at the perfect, stupid man before him. “When is it?”

“I’m going to put it off as long as I can,” Magnus said softly, smirking but it looked forced. “I’m a busy man after all.”

Alec snorted, leaning in to kiss him again. He felt off, the perfect calm from the day before completely forgotten in the new day.

“I suppose I should also mention that I sicked Ragnor on Satan?” Magnus mumbled.

Alec chuckled. “What?”

Magnus shrugged. “I needed someone to pay him off for now and Ragnor… he has ways.”

“Of what? Killing Sebastian?”

Magnus snorted. “No. I would have Raphael or Luke or better yet, Izzy, do that.”

Alec shook his head, heart sinking when Magnus’ alarm went off again in the other room. He had to get to the airport soon. Magnus swallowed, Adam’s apple bobbing. “We’re good, right?” he whispered, eyes searching Alec’s.

Alec nodded, leaning in to kiss him again. “We’re always good.”

Back in the bedroom, Magnus grabbed his clothes to change but Alec stopped him when he moved to take off Alec’s sweater. “Keep it.”

Magnus grinned, raising his eyebrows. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. I like you in my clothes.”

“Well, I knew that,” Magnus teased, turning to kiss Alec before leaving. It still hadn’t gotten easier, watching Magnus walk away.

***

“Did something happen in New York?” Isabelle was the first to voice the question.

Magnus sighed. Setting down the makeup brush he held, he turned to Maia who was already ready for the concert. They were playing in Vegas that night, Magnus had slept on the flight but was still miserable as they got ready. The others all in great moods after spending the day in Vegas, checking out various casinos. “Maia, could you?” Magnus asked, nodding to his dressing table.

Maia nodded without a word, hurrying over to finish Magnus’ makeup. He’d hoped his familiar routine would help the pit in his stomach but it hadn’t done a thing, only stressing him out more. He knew he’d be fine once he got on stage, he always was, he had to leave everything else behind to give his fans his best but also, getting onstage was the last thing he wanted to do that night.

“Trouble in paradise?” Raphael prompted.

Sighing, Magnus closed his eyes for Maia to do his makeup, spilling everything before he’d even thought it through. Interrupted by cursing from Isabelle, low whistles from Maia, and the occasional mumbling from Raphael that sounded like plans for a murder. When he was done, he didn’t feel better per say but as he listened to them all blow up, talking about stabbing Sebastian, he did find it easier to breathe.

“One,” Isabelle said. “I’m oddly proud of the fact that my baby brother has matured enough that you have naked pictures of each other—”

“That’s weird and Alec is older than you,” Raphael said dryly.

“Two, I am stomping that little weasels head in with my heel, I swear to god.”

Magnus shook his head, eyeing his reflection, makeup and hair perfect after Maia was finished.

“Don’t worry about Alec,” Maia whispered, slipping her arm around Magnus and whispering in his ear. “That boy loves you so much it’s kind of pathetic.”

Magnus smiled at his reflection, shaking his head. If anyone was pathetic, it was him.

They bullshitted for a bit longer, waiting for the opening act to finish before going to take their places, Magnus finally calming down with a cup of his favorite tea right before the show. The second he stepped on stage, everything else was forgotten except the always present longing in his gut.

Magnus would never know what made him glance over after the first song, while he was talking to the crowd. Eyes moving backstage just for a moment, where Luke normally stood, looking ready to rush the stage if something went wrong or — heaven forbid — a poor fan manage to get through security. He stumbled over his words as his eyes moved past Luke, alighting on someone standing next to him. Magnus couldn’t believe it at first but also of course, of course, Alec would be there.

Magnus quickly recovered, turning back to the crowd and waving off his brief silence by swallowing a drink of water. The rest of the concert was a blur and when he dedicated the last song of the night to the love of his life, he pretended he was talking about Chairman Meow and adamantly ignored the looks his three main dancers were giving him.

***

Alec was waiting in Magnus’ dressing room when the concert ended, waiting as Magnus shouted his last goodbyes to the audience, throwing a handful of guitar picks to his fans. Alec had tried to go back to sleep after Magnus left but even though he’d said they were fine, he didn’t like the way they’d left things. Both of them feeling so thoroughly like it wasn’t fine. Alec had been an idiot, he should’ve said more, made sure Magnus knew he wasn’t mad and nothing had changed, that they would get through this just like anything else and instead, even though they smiled and kissed, it still felt like they were in the middle of a fight.

So Alec had caught the next flight to Vegas, landing just half an hour before the show. He’d called Luke, who’d help him slip into the venue without being seen and arrived just in time for Magnus to take the stage.

The dressing room door opened and Alec barely had time to turn around and look up when Magnus was pressing into him. Laughing, Alec fell back against the nearest wall, not even bothered by the fact that Magnus felt like a furnace, overheating and sweaty from being on stage dancing around under bright lights the last two hours.

Magnus kissed him messily, hands in his hair, bodies pressed flush together.

“There is security outside in case any of your fans try to sneak back here, yeah?” Alec asked between kisses. Hands moving to Magnus’ back, slipping under his many layers of clothing, seeking his warm skin.

Magnus laughed, pulling back to nod before capturing Alec’s lips once again.

Breathing heavy, face flushed, Magnus broke away after a minute, resting their foreheads together. Alec brushed his knuckles over Magnus’ face, searching Magnus’ eyes as they both tried to catch their breath. Magnus leaned into Alec’s touch, catching Alec’s hand and pressing a kiss to his palm. “I don’t like fighting with you,” Magnus whispered.

Alec smiled softly, tightening his other hand on Magnus’ hip, holding him close. He leaned in, brushing his lips over Magnus’ cheek. They hadn’t talked about anything really but that wasn’t the point of Alec coming out there. There wasn’t anything to say. All that mattered was that they both knew they were okay.

“Me either,” Alec finally laughed. “Let’s never do it again.”

Magnus nodded in agreement, pulling back to smirk after a moment, eyes dancing in a slightly worrying manner. “There is one good thing about fighting of course,” he said, voice low and sexy.

Alec bit his lip on a smile, arching an eyebrow. “Oh yeah?” he asked, moving his other hand down to Magnus’ hip, tugging him firmly against his body, leaning back against the wall behind him.

“Yeah,” Magnus purred, leaning in to whisper in Alec’s ear, lightly biting his earlobe. “Make-up sex.”

Alec snorted. “Sounds promising.”

Magnus leaned back eyes shining, neither making a move to lean in, just watching each other, enjoying holding each other close.

“I love you, you know,” Alec whispered, reaching up to brush a stray piece of glitter off Magnus’ cheek.

“I know,” Magnus smirked. “I love you too.”

They were still grinning at each other like idiots fifteen minutes later when Isabelle and Simon burst into the room, making fun of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 3\. Chapters. Left. Are you ready?
> 
> Yell at me on [Tumblr @imawriteriwrite](http://imawriteriwrite.tumblr.com/) ! Comments and kudos are love, thank you for putting up with me for so long with this fic. I can't believe we're so close to the end! <3<3<3


	29. Dancing With Our Hands Tied

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, this whole fic would suck without the help of my awesome beta. Maud, you're the best. <3<3<3
> 
> Chapter title from Dancing With Our Hands Tied by Taylor Swift

“So now, no offense, but I think it’s safe to say this is possibly your biggest role yet?”

Alec shrugged, shifting in his seat, considering the interviewer’s words. Alec hated interviews with a passion if he were honest, all the forced smiles and the need for perfect answers because if you say one thing wrong it suddenly explodes and ruins your image. “I mean, it’s certainly a big role, very coveted,” he finally replied.

“Are you nervous? I mean, the whole of this comic universe is already such a big franchise, one of the biggest.”

“I think there’s always a certain level of nerves I feel when going into a new role, but you know, I think it’s more of a ‘will I get along with the rest of the cast?’ than ‘will I do the role justice?’ You can’t let those thoughts get to you so I’m just, excited to get to work.”

“Great. Great. So filming starts next week, correct?”

Alec nodded, licking his lips. “I’m actually flying out there to set in just a couple hours.”

“Nice. Well, congrats again on the role. We have a few minutes left so I’ll just go ahead and pull up some fan questions.”

This interview felt like it’d been going on for a lifetime, though it’d only been minutes. The main focus on his role in Downworlders, which he couldn’t say much about. A few questions about the show, lots of laughter about how Alec’s career was suddenly exploding — Alec had to put in a lot of effort not to roll his eyes there. But now he was finally close to freedom. When Hodge had told him about this interview he’d tried everything to get out of it, but the studio had all three of the main actors out already drumming up excitement for the movie. Alec really needed to figure out a way to despise these things less. It didn’t help that he saw a little too much of the way media twisted things, between Magnus, and Jace when he was younger on that stupid teen drama show. He had a healthy dislike and distrust of all interviewers.

Alec answered a few more questions about the show and was just about home free when the sleazy interviewer glanced up from his pile of questions with this _look_ and Alec just knew where this was going.

“A lot of our viewers want to know about your relationship with pop star Magnus Bane,” the guy started and it took everything in Alec, hands tightening on the armrests of his chair, not to sigh or get up right then and walk away.

Instead, he laughed, rolling his eyes. “I thought this interview was about the movie?” he teased, hiding the sharp edge that wanted to come out in his voice.

The interviewer shrugged. “The people want what the people want,” he laughed. “There seems to be some controversy around Magnus’ new music video for ‘Rumors’ where Magnus is seen dancing, rather provocatively, with a number of other musicians. Men and women both.”

Alec raised his eyebrow, waiting for the inevitable question. Of course, Alec had seen the video, which dropped last week along with the live version of it, it was a rather dark and sexy video, perfect for the song which was all about how easily rumors got started in this industry. He bit his tongue to hold in his anger.

“Some fans were pointing out similarities to the video for ‘Midnight Magic’ which I believe you starred in?”

Alec swallowed dryly, glancing off the stage they were filming on to see Hodge lingering off to the side. Hodge waved him on, telling him to answer the question. Holding back his anger, Alec nodded. Before saying, “I don’t see what this has to do with me and my new role.”

The interviewer shrugged. “You were dating Magnus Bane, were you not?”

Jaw clenched, Alec gave another sharp nod.

“And now, to see him with another man — mul—”

“It’s a music video,” Alec cut in before he could finish. “For a song about how quickly rumors explode in Hollywood.”

“Yes, well, but, you starred in Midnight Magic when you were still together? He’s been seen around a lot with one of the main stars in Rumors, Will, I believe?”

Alec shook his head, he was done with this. “Firstly,” he started, leaning forward slightly. “I didn’t come here to discuss Magnus and it’s none of mine, nor your, business. And lastly, a music video is just like any other show or movie. Just because my character has a relationship with Meliorn’s in our show, doesn’t mean there is anything between us and the same is true for Magnus and Will and anyone else in the video. It’s an amazing video, end of story.”

The interviewer stared at Alec a moment before clearing his throat. “Well, that’s all the time we have today. Thanks for stopping by, Alec, and we all look forward to seeing you next summer in Downworlders.”

Alec lingered just long enough for the cameras to turn off him, then he stood, ignoring the interviewer’s extended hand and stalking off stage. He held his hand up when Hodge tried to say something, cutting him off.

God, Alec hated doing interviews.

***

“Do you know what my favorite thing about you is?” Magnus asked, voice even, biting his lip on a smirk as he sat curled up on one of the couches in his tour bus, ignoring the disapproving glares Isabelle and Raphael were giving him across the bus as he talked to Alec on the phone.

“Why do I feel like I don’t want to know?” Alec teased.

It’d been two weeks since they last saw each other after their fight, Magnus had been skillfully ignoring Sebastian who was temporarily sated what with the money Magnus had paid him but continually reminded Magnus he owed him an interview. Alec had arrived on set a few days ago and his interview about his shiny new role had just dropped, making Twitter explode.

“That you’re so heartbroken over our breakup and clearly still in love with me.”

Alec snorted. “What?”

Magnus shook his head sadly. “Don’t you go on the internet, Alexander? All your fans can’t stop talking about your interview, more specifically where you defended me and my video. They’re convinced you’re destroyed by our breakup and still madly in love with me.”

Alec laughed. “Yeah well, they’re right about one part of that.”

“Oh my god,” Isabelle groaned. “You’re sickening. You’re going to make me heave.”

“I agree,” Raphael said without looking up from his book. “I will jump out of the bus if this goes any further.”

“Don’t want to hear us have phone sex?” Magnus teased.

Alec sputtered on the other end of the line, making Magnus smirk.

“That’s my brother,” Isabelle grimaced.

Raphael glanced up lazily. “If I jump out of the bus, my death will be on your conscious and you will never look so good on stage without me.”

Magnus shrugged, sticking his tongue out at them before settling back on the couch. “Settling in on set?” Magnus asked, ignoring his supposed friends.

“Yup,” Alec replied, smile in his voice. “We start filming next week. Thanks to Jace and Raj and this new routine I’m in better shape than ever. I think I just might be able to pull off superhero.”

Magnus smirked but Isabelle cleared her throat and Raphael mimed slicing his throat, so Magnus refrained from saying anything overly sappy like he was thinking. Settling instead for a simple, “Pictures or it didn’t happen.”

Alec snorted. “You just want to ogle my body.”

“Do you have a problem with that?”

“You’re ridiculous.”

“Ridiculously in need of you and your body to be closer,” Magnus teased, ducking as Raphael and Isabelle threw pillows at him. “I could’ve said under mine,” Magnus shouted at them. “I was trying to save your delicate ears.”

“Where are you heading?” Alec asked even though Magnus knew for a fact that Alec had the tour schedule memorized.

“Texas,” Magnus replied anyway. “Will you still love me when I eat too much Texas barbeque and get fat?”

“I-”

“You won’t be eating barbeque,” Raphael cut in with a patented ‘i will kill you’ look.

“But it’s almost my birthday,” Magnus pouted.

Raphael shook his head, resolutely staring back down at his book.

“My employees are terrible, Alexander,” Magnus complained. Standing, he flipped off Raphael, ignoring Isabelle’s crude comment as he made his way to the back of the tour bus, shaking his head as Maia snored from one of the bunks before slipping back into his room where Chairman Meow was curled atop the bed. Flopping down next to the cat, Magnus turned his attention back to Alec. “Now, where were we?”

***

The day filming started, Alec walked into his trailer to find a truly ridiculously big gift basket waiting for him. He didn’t even have to glance at the card, which was signed from Chairman Meow, to know it was from Magnus. It included half a dozen different kinds of coffee, chocolate covered coffee beans, a new coffee cup with a picture of Chairman Meow on the side, and, Alec’s favorite part, a handful of new shirts to replace all the ones Magnus kept stealing from him.

“Secret admirer?” Aline asked, flopping down on the couch, the two having arrived together.

Alec shook his head. “Something like that.”

***

“’Ello,” Magnus muttered, rolling over in bed as the tour bus chugged along. He was barely awake, burying his head in the pillow, having only answered because even when dead asleep he recognized the ringtone he’d set for Alec. “This better be important,” he groaned. “I was sleeping.”

Alec chuckled at Magnus’ pain, making Magnus glare at his pillow. “Don’t laugh at me.”

“You’re adorable when you’re tired,” Alec answered.

“Is that why you called me before the sun rose?” Magnus asked, rolling over onto his back and yawning. He was too tired to think, nearly drifting off again when Alec replied.

“No, silly,” he said, voice dropping low and deep. “Happy birthday,” he whispered and Magnus was sure he was using that deep sexy voice on purpose, conjuring inappropriate thoughts. “I wanted to be the first to say it.”

Magnus smiled, eyes still closed. “Yeah? And here I was, thinking you’d be too busy being a movie star to remember,” he whispered. They’d barely had time to talk the last week as Alec got swept up in set life. Magnus didn’t really mind but he had wished that filming wouldn’t start until after his birthday, so he could be selfish and get the one gift he really wanted. Aka, Alexander Gideon Lightwood, in his bed, preferably without clothes on.

“Are you thinking about me naked?” Alec asked suddenly.

Magnus shook his head, snapping out of his thoughts. He laughed. “How did you know?”

“You didn’t hear a word I just said.”

“Ooops,” Magnus grinned. “Repeat please?”

He could picture Alec rolling his eyes but was also confident he’d have that look on his face that he only got when he was with Magnus, crooked smile, slightly exasperated but not really. “Did you get my present?”

“Present?” Magnus asked, perking up.

“You on the tour bus? Izzy left it on the couch.”

“Hold on, must find,” Magnus said, too tired to deal with full sentences. He glanced at the time as he crawled out of bed, it was barely three in the morning. Magnus shook his head, Alec was ridiculous in the best possible way. “Oooh. It’s big,” Magnus said, walking out of the bedroom, eyes landing on the couch. “I wonder what it is,” he teased at the very obviously guitar shaped gift, wrapped in shiny silver paper.

“Shush, you,” Alec berated. “Open it.”

Magnus shook his head, biting back a grin as he put his phone on speaker, resting it on the arm of the couch as he pulled the gift into his lap, nodding at his driver who shook his head at Magnus, by now all too familiar with Magnus’ late night conversations with Alec.

Magnus opened the gift slowly, smirking at the card that was signed from Chairman Meow. Opening the present, Magnus found a shiny, glittery guitar case that he opened to reveal a beautiful, expensive, acoustic guitar. Magnus pulled it out slowly, fingers gliding over the shiny black finish.

“Did you have this custom made?” he asked, recognizing the name on the back.

“Maybe,” Alec said softly.

“It’s…” Magnus shook his head, still examining the full beauty of the guitar.

“Almost as beautiful as you?” Alec prompted.

Magnus snorted. “I was going to say almost as pretty as you, pretty boy.”

“Flip it over,” Alec ordered.

Frowning, Magnus did as asked, looking over the back of the guitar, eyes quickly alighting on the small engraving. _True love._ “You’re the biggest sap in the universe, Alexander,” Magnus whispered, running his fingers over the small words. “Thank you, I love it.”

He could picture the proud look on Alec’s face and it made him grin even wider, heart beating steadily, nerves vibrating. God, it was addicting. Feeling so happy.

“I’m glad,” Alec said, pausing to clear his throat. “That’s only first part of your gift,” he added, voice lighter.

“Oh?” Magnus said, picking up the phone to save his driver the embarrassment, carrying the guitar with him back to the back of the bus. “I do hope the rest of my gift is your sexy self at the nearest possible opportunity.”

Alec laughed. “Obviously.”

Magnus didn’t get any more sleep, spending the next two hours talking to Alec on the phone, half the time not even really talking, mumbling something here and there, just being with each other even when there were so many miles still between them. Magnus broke in his new guitar, serenading Alec over the phone.

“Please tell me you don’t play that live,” Alec laughed after a particularly dirty song that Magnus made up as he went. “That is inappropriate.”

“Alas, that is just for you my love.”

The rest of the day wasn’t nearly as lovely as the middle of the night had been. The buses pulled in to Dallas early in the morning and a big group of the crew, led by Isabelle and Maia, dragged Magnus to a small diner where they took up nearly every table for waffles and a hearty round of happy birthday sung by everyone except Raphael who sat across from Magnus, looking thoroughly unimpressed with the crew’s singing abilities. Isabelle dragged Magnus around the city for some much-needed shopping as the crew headed to the night’s venue to set up. Luke treated him to lunch before soundcheck, just the two of them at the small restaurant in the hotel they were staying in that night.

“Got you something,” Luke said, sliding Magnus a thin box.

“I love my birthday,” Magnus sighed, grabbing the gift with a grin. “Every day should be give Magnus presents day.”

Luke snorted as their waitress refilled his coffee.

Magnus opened the box quickly, freezing as his eyes landed on a framed album. “Platinum?” Magnus asked in disbelief. Redo went platinum already.

Luke grinned, nodding. “I wanted to surprise you, found out a few days ago. I was surprised no one else got to you first or you didn’t see it online.”

“I’ve been busy,” Magnus said, shaking his head in disbelief. The frame was just like his other ones back in the apartment, he had the perfect spot to hang it.

“And you were worried everyone was going to hate it,” Luke said, snorting.

“Shut up,” Magnus muttered, running his fingers over the plaque. “So, you think we have a good chance for album of the year?” Magnus asked, looking up with a smirk.

“Don’t get a big head,” Luke warned.

“Too late.”

The show that night was one of Magnus’ favorite stops of the entire tour. His guitarist stole the mic at one point, reminding everyone that it was a certain superstar’s birthday and leading everyone in the audience in a slow, slightly awful, rendition of happy birthday. More gifts than ever were left on the edge of the stage for Magnus, making his heart feel lighter and reminding him of just how lucky he was.

After the concert, Raphael, Maia, Isabelle and some of the others dragged Magnus down to the bar in the hotel, insisting on a round of shots.

“I hate my birthday,” Magnus groaned when a third shot was placed in his hand.

Raphael snorted. “You think every day should be your birthday just because you like the attention.”

Magnus shrugged, he couldn’t deny that.

Late that night, when they finally left the bar, Raphael pulled Magnus aside. “I suppose you have been waiting for my gift,” he said flatly.

Magnus smirked before full on laughing, having to grab onto Raphael’s arm so he wouldn’t fall over. Raphael watched, unamused. “With bated breath,” Magnus finally choked out.

Raphael rolled his eyes. “I moved out.”

Magnus froze, inclining his head. “What?”

“Technically Ragnor moved out for me,” Raphael continued, seemingly unaware of the confusion playing out on Magnus’ face. Raphael moved out? He wasn’t surprised by the hurt he felt. He and Raf had lived together what felt like forever. Since Magnus got his record deal and could finally afford his own place, moving out of Luke and Jocelyn’s and demanding Raphael come live with him.

“Why?” Magnus asked, having missed the rest of what Raphael was saying.

Raphael sighed, surprising Magnus by gripping his shoulder. Magnus raised an eyebrow, Raphael wasn’t one for touching people. “We have lived together a long time, my friend,” Raphael started, meeting Magnus’ eyes without a hint of sarcasm for once, deadly serious. “You are, unfortunately, my best friend. But it would have to happen eventually. I bought a house, Ragnor arranged for my stuff to be moved.”

Magnus swallowed. “Thank you?”

Raphael rolled his eyes, his normal contempt reappearing on his face and making Magnus feel oddly relaxed. “I’m doing this for you,” Raphael said, giving Magnus a look like he was an idiot.

“I said thank you,” Magnus said, rolling his eyes. God, he hated living alone. “Did I say something when I was drunk the other night? I’m not actually tired of you, Raf.”

Raphael muttered in Spanish for a minute, shaking his head. “You’re dense,” he mumbled. “I moved out,” he said slowly, like Magnus was an idiot. “So that you can stop being an idiot and have Alec move in.”

***

Ragnor planned Magnus’ birthday party for a few days after his birthday, during a lull between shows. Alec’s invitation arrived the day before and he’d called Ragnor, confused until Ragnor explained his true genius, it was a masquerade and Alec just so happened to have two days off and a flight already booked by Isabelle. Ragnor had a tux delivered to his hotel room along with a black mask that covered most of his face save the holes for his eyes. It was a fairly basic masquerade mask, silver thread making it shine slightly, a few feathers near his left eye.

The party was held on the top floor of some big building in downtown L.A. the wide, open room of glass walls looking out over the city. Alec slipped through the guests, all of whom were dressed in their best fancy dresses, perfectly fitted tuxes, hidden behind glimmering masks.

Alec licked his lips as he pressed through the crowd, music played low in the background, all Magnus’ favorites. The walls were covered in large blown up pictures of Magnus through the years, some more embarrassing than others, all black and white to blend with the rest of the decorations. The only people without masks were the waiters and waitresses easily weaving through the crowd with champagne and appetizers. There was a chocolate fountain near a large table filled only with deserts, and a table overflowing with gifts. Alec’s eyes swept over the crowd, never so thankful for his height as then, searching for the ice sculpture of Magnus’ face. He snorted when he found it, eyes landing on Magnus whom Ragnor had told to stand there and wait patiently for his gift.

Eyes glued to Magnus, who was dressed in a dark suit, pants unfairly tight, Alec slipped through the crowd. Magnus turned slightly, and Alec froze, watching him laugh at something Isabelle had said, his sister passing in a silver dress, impressively high heels, and a matching silver mask with her hair flowing down her back. Alec paused, waiting for Isabelle to disappear before crossing the floor to Magnus, who had on a silky gold button up under his suit jacket, only the bottom two buttons actually done up, leaving his bronzed skin glinting under the bright chandeliers all over the room, necklaces of varying length brushing his bare skin.

Alec slipped up behind him, leaving just a breath of air between them so they didn’t quite touch. Magnus froze, straightening up at the sensation of someone suddenly in his space.

Alec leaned close, whispering in his ear. “Happy birthday.”

***

Magnus’ heart skipped. Instead of turning around like he wanted to, he leaned back against Alec, resting his hands over Alec’s as Alec wrapped his arms around him, kissing the side of his neck.

“I was hoping you were my present,” he said softly, slowly turning in Alec’s arms. Where Alec wore a full mask, showing only his eyes and mouth, Magnus’ own golden mask only covered his eyes, paired with his dark makeup he knew for a fact that it made him look unbearably hot so he wasn’t surprised when Alec’s eyes narrowed, moving up and down him.

“Like what you see?” Magnus teased.

“Always.”

Magnus smirked, only just holding back from kissing Alec but, even with masks, that was a little too dangerous here when they never knew who might be looking and Magnus was easily recognizable as the birthday boy.

Alec inclined his head. “Dance with me?”

Magnus’ heart skipped, he was beginning to think Alec would never stop surprising him in the smallest ways. Magnus didn’t say anything, just took his hand and followed him to the dance floor.

***

They probably should’ve been more careful, not spent practically every minute of the party together, but it’d been weeks since they saw each other and, Alec could admit, he wasn’t strong enough to not melt when in Magnus’ presence. He couldn’t bring himself to leave, to move away once he had his arms around Magnus, talking softly, laughing quietly as they danced. Really, it took every bit of strength he had just to not kiss Magnus, especially when Magnus’ eyes would drop to Alec’s lips, tempting him.

They danced for a while, everything else fading to background noise as they talked. Alec turned to get them drinks eventually, leaving Magnus to join Isabelle and Clary at a nearby table, Clary having flown in for the party.

“You’re really terrible at pretending not to love him.”

Alec froze at the cold voice at his side, taking a deep breath before turning. Camille leaned against the bar next to him, dressed in a tight red dress, matching mask resting atop her head.

“Excuse me?” Alec asked, not bothering to try and disguise his voice.

“I’m not an idiot, Lightwood,” Camille scoffed. “And really, if you don’t want anyone else to find out, I’d stop mentally undressing each other on the dance floor. You aren’t very subtle.”

“What do you want Camille?” Alec demanded. He had no idea how she’d even managed to get invited, she’d probably snuck in like the snake she was.

Camille shrugged, tapping her long, blood-red nails on the bar. “You know, Alec, I always liked you. It’s a shame this will never last.”

Alec closed his eyes, shaking his head. He wouldn’t let her get to him.

“I mean, look what’s happening? The rumors. The blackmail. You aren’t good for him, Alexander. You’ve never been good enough for him. Why do you think it ended the first time?”

Alec breathed out steadily, opening his eyes to level Camille with a quiet glare. “He’ll never take you back, you know that, right?” Alec said, soft but forceful. Camille’s smirk wavered for the first time. “Even if we didn’t work out, he’ll never want you.”

Camille snorted. “Everyone wants me.”

Alec shook his head. “You never deserved a second of his time, Camille. But that’s okay, because you won’t get a second more.”

“Oh, and you will?” Camille snapped. “You have an expiration date, Lightwood. It’s only a matter of time.”

Alec shrugged, grabbing his drinks as they were placed before him. “That may have been true two years ago,” Alec admitted. “But a lot has changed. Stay away from Magnus, he doesn’t want you, he doesn’t need you and even if he did decide he didn’t want to be with me, that would never change,” Alec said, stepping close to make sure Camille heard him. “Magnus and I? We’re in love. You…” Alec shrugged. “You were never more than a flight of fancy.”

With that, Alec turned and walked away.

“Who’s your mystery man?” Clary teased Magnus as Alec slid up to the table, passing Magnus his drink.

“Oh just some random stranger I decided to take pity on,” Magnus shrugged.

Alec snorted, shaking his head. “Guess it’s my lucky night.”

“Clearly.”

***

Magnus couldn’t help remembering Raphael’s words all night, every time he glanced over at Alec during the party. As they danced and laughed and hung out with the others. He’d been thinking about it non-stop since the other night. Raphael had said it so casually, like it was simple, like Magnus was stupid for not having realized or thought about it before. But, of course, it was the logical next step, it was just…. Could they do that? Move in together? Were they ready for that step?

Glancing over at Alec, eyes shining behind his mask as he laughed at Simon, Magnus’ heart skipped and he knew without a doubt that he wanted that. Always. He didn’t care really, if it was moving a bit fast, was any of this fast? It’d started over three years ago, just because it’d stalled for a couple years… And now…it had been months. They were in love. It would make sense. But…but what if Alec wasn’t ready? Or he didn’t want to leave New York? Magnus could move to New York, he guessed, but still, what if Alec wasn’t ready for that step? It suddenly seemed like such a big one, far bigger than admitting they loved each other. And with everything going on, Sebastian lurking, and interviewers, and paparazzi, and everyone just waiting for the next story about the two of them… Maybe they should wait, until they could really be together. How would they hide the fact that they were living together? He didn’t want to walk around with a sack over his head so no one figured it out.

“Hey,” Alec said softly, grabbing Magnus’ hand and tugging him close. Magnus looked up, snapped out of his thoughts suddenly. He stepped closer to Alec who sat on a stool at the tall table, stepping between his legs and wrapping his arms around Alec’s neck, fingers brushing over the short hair at the nap of his neck. He’d kept his beard grown out slightly, more a five o’clock shadow than full beard, for the movie. Even dressed in the dark tux, Magnus could see and feel that he’d been working out more than ever. Everyone but their group had left, night edging into the early hours of morning, meaning there was no reason to hold back.

Magnus’ fingers slipped up, untying Alec’s mask so it fell away, revealing his full, crooked smile, eyes shining. Alec took Magnus’ mask off next. They were just leaning in to finally kiss when Isabelle gagged, loudly, and Clary snorted, ruining the moment.

Magnus rested his forehead against Alec’s closing his eyes. “You're horrible people,” he muttered.

“You guys are adorable,” Clary replied.

“Yeah well, I think it’s time for our adorable selves to leave,” he said, turning to glare at their friends.

“Thank god,” Ragnor sighed. “Also, I accept nothing short of a very expensive birthday gift after what I got you,” he said, gesturing to Alec.

“I feel like I got myself for him,” Alec teased, standing close to Magnus.

Ragnor waved him away, shooing them out. They slipped out the back entrance, where Luke had a car waiting for them. Alec leaned in to kiss him as they set off for Magnus’ apartment but Magnus held a finger to his lips, smirking as he shook his head slowly.

Alec groaned, dropping his head to Magnus’ shoulder. “Are you trying to kill me?”

Magnus laughed, breath hitching when Alec moved to kiss his neck. “Stop that,” Magnus berated but didn’t bother pushing Alec away as he continued to kiss along Magnus’ neck, lightly dragging his teeth across the sensitive skin.

Magnus closed his eyes, letting his head fall back against the seat. Alec turned to face him, fingers running over Magnus’ skin, undoing the final two buttons of his shirt. Magnus was thankful they were in a limo with the partition up, making him feel slightly less guilty as their driver turned on some soft music. Magnus snorted, then gasped as Alec dropped a trail of kisses across his collarbone, biting down softly here and there.

“Impatient?” Magnus asked, voice breathier than intended.

“Not at all,” Alec replied, kissing back up to his neck. By the time they pulled up to Magnus’ apartment, Magnus could barely think, hands shaking as he climbed out of the limo, quickly pulling Alec behind him. Laughing when Alec pushed him up against the wall in the elevator, kissing the side of his neck that he couldn’t reach in the limo, hands tight on Magnus’ hips as Magnus dug his nails his Alec’s arms, shivering at the feeling of Alec’s stubble brushing his bare skin.

The elevator dinged, and Alec pulled back, quickly tugging Magnus after him, laughing quietly. Magnus opened the door, pulling Alec in before closing it quickly and pushing Alec back against it.

“Impatient?” Alec teased, eyes dancing in the dark.

Magnus snorted, “Shut up,” he said, finally bringing their lips together.

***

Alec smiled softly, waking slowly, head resting on Magnus’ chest. Turning, he kissed Magnus’ skin, eyes still closed.

“Morning,” he muttered when Magnus’ fingers started running through his hair.

“Morning, lover,” Magnus said, chuckling.

“Lover? Really?” Alec snorted, turning to more properly kiss Magnus, their lips meeting in a lazy dance.

“I have to mix things up now and then,” Magnus murmured into the kiss.

“Whatever you say, sunshine,” Alec smirked, tilting his head to kiss Magnus more thoroughly.

He never wanted to leave this bed but they both had flights to catch, Alec’s wasn’t until the next morning but Magnus’ was early that afternoon, to Tennessee for a show that night. Normally, he’d be surprised Magnus had managed to go on so little sleep with the jet lag he had to be feeling by now, the two of them having stayed up late into the morning, but a couple weeks away from each other did wonders to the body.

Alec sighed. “It’s not fair,” he muttered trailing his lips across Magnus’ warm skin. “I’m here for the whole day and you’re leaving me already.”

Magnus laughed, tugging Alec back up to his mouth, eyes blown wide with desire. “I’m here now.”

“True,” Alec allowed, smiling as Magnus pulled him into a kiss. “We should use this time wisely.”

“Agreed,” Magnus nodded, lips barely parting before meeting once again. “So, breakfast?”

***

Magnus meant to say it, he really did. Overly aware of the empty apartment as they had breakfast. Isabelle stopped by, delivering pancakes and eggs and sausage and Magnus didn’t even know what else, before leaving, reminding Magnus that she liked to be paid back with pretty things. Magnus threw a muffin at her retreating form, telling her he’d see her at the airport but making a mental note to buy her something nice.

They ate breakfast slowly, Magnus electing to sit in Alec’s lap instead of his own chair, kissing more often than either of them actually took a bite of food. And Magnus kept opening his mouth, telling himself to just do it already and then mumbling an innuendo about sausage instead, making Alec nearly choke on said sausage. Before he knew it, he was kissing Alec goodbye, heart palpating, the ever present melancholy at having to leave Alec sinking in the second the door was closed. And Magnus hadn’t said it.

It was all he could think about during the flight, halfheartedly watching the inflight movie with Isabelle. It wasn’t that hard to ask someone to move in with you, why couldn’t he do it? Except it wasn’t even really moving in together, not right now. Magnus was only in L.A. off and on, still had two months of touring before he’d get a real break and then it was right back at it a month later. And Alec was filming right now and when he finished filming Downworlders it’d be back to Toronto for season two of his show. Maybe it was good, that he hadn’t said anything. For the best. It wasn’t a good time right now.

Magnus managed to sleep for a bit, heading straight to the venue when they landed, before crashing for another couple of hours in his dressing room until it was time for soundcheck. Sometime between the first song of the night and his second encore, Magnus realized he was being an idiot. He was scared, that’s why he hadn’t mentioned it, why he hadn’t thought of it before Raphael, and why he kept coming up with excuses, and that was stupid.

He loved Alec, so much that it still caught him off guard sometimes, like when he switched up the setlist for the night, playing the first song he ever wrote for Alec, thankful that Luke was backstage, no doubt filming it. His chest would get tight, heart racing and then it would all calm because it wasn’t scary, loving Alec. Not really. Not when Alec loved him back.

Magnus moved through his nightly routine slowly, waiting for the venue to clear as he showered, washing off the sweat of the concert from his skin. He lingered in the shower, grinning like an idiot as he thought about what he was going to do. He waved away Isabelle and Maia’s offer to watch a movie, retreating to his tour bus alone, claiming to be too tired to hang out. He waited until they finally pulled out, heading to the next city, to call Alec, pacing the room because he couldn’t do this while sitting still. Chairman Meow watched him from the bed.

Magnus’ heart sank when Alec didn’t answer. Which was stupid because Alec was probably already asleep which was understandable after their lack of sleeping the night before. Magnus flopped down. “Maybe it’s for the best,” he told Chairman Meow. “It’s not—”

Magnus jumped up, heart beating fast and loud as his phone rang. He didn’t have to hear the ringtone or see the name on his screen to know it was Alec.

Taking a steadying breath, he answered. “I didn’t wake you, did I?”

“No,” Alec said but his voice sounded sleepy. Magnus smiled, shaking his head. “I don’t mind,” Alec assured him. “I prefer talking to you to sleep anyhow.”

Magnus swallowed, wiping his free hand on his pajamas, trying to calm his racing heart.

“Magnus?” Alec prompted.

“I—”

“Yes?”

Magnus couldn’t take it anymore, fed up with himself, he finally just blurted it out. “Move in with me.”

***

Alec sat up suddenly, heart skipping. He felt off balance, blood rushing through his head. Did Magnus just say what he thought he said? Alec opened his mouth, but he heard Magnus take a deep breath, letting it out slowly before continuing.

“I know you love New York,” Magnus said, sounding calmer than his sudden outburst and Alec couldn’t breathe, really, because Magnus was saying what he’d thought he was saying. He settled back to listen, already knowing his answer. “And everything is a mess right now and we won’t be able to see each other all the time still because of tour and filming but — it would make it easier, better. And — Raphael moved out, so we’d have the apartment to ourselves and,” Magnus rambled before stopping to take a breath. “Move in with me, Alexander.”

Alec still couldn’t breathe, grinning to himself as he listened to Magnus ramble. Could they do that? Move in together… Even with everything going on? He hadn’t thought — but of course he wanted that.

Before Alec could say anything, gathering his thoughts slowly because it was the middle of the night and he hadn’t exactly been expecting this even though he was now wide awake, Magnus was talking again. “It’s too soon, isn’t it?” he said, sounding unsure in a way Alec probably shouldn’t find endearing but Magnus was rarely unsure. It was nice to know Alec could still do that to him. “Just… please forget I said anything.”

Alec shook his head, pulled from his thoughts. “What?” he blurted. “No. It’s not too soon.”

Magnus was quiet a moment. “…It’s not?”

Alec shook his head again even though Magnus couldn’t see it. “No,” he repeated.

“Are you sure? I mean, you hate L.A. and New York…it’s your home.”

Alec bit his lip on a grin, refraining from telling Magnus the truth, that he was pretty sure home wasn’t a city or a place anymore, just…wherever Magnus was. “I do love New York,” Alec admitted softly. “But I love you more.”

He heard Magnus’ breath hitch. “Oh yeah?” he teased, sounding more like himself, nerves forgotten.

Alec’s hands were still shaking, heart racing. Was this really happening? “Yeah.”

“You’re sure?” Magnus checked.

“Yes,” Alec repeated. “Let’s move in together,” he said breathlessly. “We’ll figure it. We can split our time, between New York and L.A. But…together,” he said, everything suddenly falling to place in his mind.

“Together,” Magnus laughed. “I like that.”

“Me too.” Alec smiled brightly. “So we’re doing this? Even with Sebastian and the stupid tabloids and everything?”

“Yes. We’re doing this,” Magnus confirmed, smile in his voice. “We’ll figure it out.”

Alec laid back in bed, heart slowing down to a more normal rhythm. “We’ll figure it out.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two. Chapters. Left. I had intended on posting the end faster but a lot of comments and messages lead me to decide to drag it out a little because it seems like a lot of people aren't ready for it to end. SO I'm not entirely sure when the next chapter will be up but I'll try for two weeks from now! And maybe the final chapter before the new year?
> 
> As always, thank you for reading. Thank you for sticking it out for over a year with this fic, I love and appreciate you all and I thiiink you'll like how this is going to end in the next two chapters. <3
> 
> Don't forget, comments and kudos are love, I'd love to hear what you thought of the chapter, and you can yell at me on [Tumblr @imawriteriwrite](http://imawriteriwrite.tumblr.com/)! I'm also working on a few other fics if you want to check them out to help cope with this ending. Just saying. ;) <3


	30. I Wanna Be Your End Game

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus and Alec move in together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had every intention in the world of finishing posting this in December and then, well, life got in the way. So first things first, thanks for sticking it out with me for so long. I never intended when I first started this fic to still be working on it over a year later and the fact that so many people have stuck with me for so long means the world to me. Second, shout out to the most amazing betas ever, who have also stuck with me all this time and never complain about it and are just all around the best. I love you both. <3  
> On to the chapter!
> 
> (title from End Game by Taylor Swift)

A month passed after they decided to move in together before they actually had time to do it. Things had calmed by then, Alec had a few days off from filming, Magnus had a lull between concerts and, for once, everything lined up perfectly.

Alec had been honestly a little giddy ever since they decided to do it, move in together – okay, more than a little giddy. Everything was finally coming together, it felt like they were finally on track, finally heading exactly where they were always supposed to be but couldn’t quite manage before. He honestly couldn’t blame Jace for calling him disgusting when he called, requesting for Jace to pack and ship most of his stuff to L.A. for him.

They’d already figured everything out, Magnus deciding they needed to take this opportunity to redecorate. They were turning one of the now empty rooms vacated by Isabelle, Simon, Clary, and Raphael into an office for Alec even though Alec pointed out he didn’t really _need_ an office, Magnus had replied with he didn’t need an office _now_ but what if he one day decided to write his own screenplay? Or take up painting? Then he’d be happy to have his own office, and Magnus had been so adamant and happy about Alec getting an office that Alec had just given in. Two of the other rooms would be guest rooms and the final room was left undecided, Magnus trying to convince Alec they needed a sex dungeon while Alec maintained that first, he would never step foot in something called a “sex dungeon” and second, that it wasn’t a dungeon if it wasn’t underground.

Alec’s stuff had arrived a week or so before, Ragnor helpfully staying at the apartment to let the delivery people in, but they’d decided that they’d do everything else together. Magnus telling Alec not to so much as set foot in the apartment until Magnus was there. Alec had laughed but of course, he went along with it. Besides, he was just as sappy as Magnus, he didn’t want to move in without Magnus even being there.

Thus, a month passed before they finally found time. Magnus’ plane got in late, meaning Alec beat him to the apartment, opening the door with a wide grin when Magnus finally got home. He stopped for a minute, heart skipping as he realized that this was real, this was home, _their_ home.

“Hey,” Alec said, standing in the doorway, staring at Magnus like part of him couldn’t believe this was happening.

Magnus rolled his eyes, reaching out and tugging Alec close by his shirt. “Hey,” he replied just as their mouths crashed together.

Alec grinned into the kiss, arms wrapping around Magnus and hauling him even closer. His heart pounded, the giddiness was back tenfold, making him practically vibrate with excitement.

Magnus pulled away from the kiss but didn’t go far, running his fingers over Alec’s five o’ clock shadow and then up through his longer than usual hair. Alec’s heart jackhammered in his chest as he breathed in deeply, relaxing into the familiar scent of sandalwood that surrounded Magnus.

They stayed there like that for a few minutes, just breathing each other in, reveling in the fact that they were back together. Alec had missed him, so much, but it’s like he hadn’t even realized just how much until now, when they were back together and it all came crashing back down on him. His arms tightened around Magnus instinctively and he leaned forward, resting his forehead against Magnus’, heart skipping as he stared into Magnus’ deep brown eyes.

“I’ve missed you,” Magnus said, barely more than a whisper, blinking slowly up at Alec.

With those words, the aching Alec had felt in his chest since the last time he saw Magnus in person, evaporated. It didn’t matter that they hadn’t seen each other in over a month, it didn’t matter that they only had a few days together before they’d be saying goodbye again. They were here together, now, and that made every aching moment they spent apart worth it.

“I missed you too,” Alec said, rubbing his nose against Magnus’ before kissing his cheek.

Magnus smiled softly, the kind of smile that made it hard for Alec to breathe, hands tightening where they rested on Alec’s shoulders. He ducked his head, kissing Alec softly before pulling back to whisper, “You weren’t supposed to go into the apartment until I got here.”

Alec snorted, shaking his head. “I love you,” he said.

Magnus rolled his eyes. “I love you too.”

Alec’s heart skipped about, a smile spreading across his face as Magnus rested his head against Alec’s shoulder, leaving them just standing there, locked in a tight embrace.

Alec was struck for a minute, filled with awe and wonder. Struck with the fact that this was real, they were moving in together. After years of being in love, of heartbreak and pain; years spent thinking it would never work out, trying to convince himself it didn’t kill him; so long spent struggling to find their way back together. Here they were, stronger than ever. _Moving in together._

They’d planned on starting that night, there was so much to do, painting and rearranging, unpacking and a million small things, but it was nearly midnight and, besides, Magnus had had a new bed delivered that begged to be broken in. The only thing Alec had done was open the various packages waiting for them, things they’d ordered over the last month to help with redecorating, including a new set of silk sheets and a dark purple comforter.

“You and your silk sheets,” Alec had muttered when Magnus informed him of the new purchase.

“It’s not my fault you look so good surrounded by silk,” Magnus had deadpanned.

Suffice to say, Magnus didn’t complain when Alec suggested they order in some late dinner and just relax. So their first night ‘living together’ in an apartment they’d spent countless nights in together, that Magnus had lived in for years, was spent eating takeout, catching up, and, of course, breaking in the new bed.

The next morning, Alec groaned, rolling over in bed as early morning sunlight suddenly filled the room. Magnus laughed from across the room where he was taking down the old curtains that would be replaced with new ones that would better match the color they were going to paint the walls.

“Rise and shine, darling,” Magnus called, far too happy for how early it was and how late they’d stayed up the night before. “There’s a lot to do.”

Alec shook his head, sitting up to see that Magnus had already covered the floor and the rest of the furniture in drop clothes, paint waiting by the door. He shared a look with Chairman Meow, who Magnus had brought home with him the night before.

“He’s crazy, isn’t he?” Alec muttered, petting the Chairman.

“I may be crazy but so are you, because you’re the one who fell in love with me,” Magnus smirked.

Alec shook his head, “I did, didn’t I?” he said, letting out a long-suffering sigh as he fell back in bed.

Magnus let out an affronted sound, turning to glare at Alec. “Not having second thoughts, are you?” he teased, not a doubt in his expression as he looked at Alec.

Alec opened his eyes, smiling softly at Magnus, shaking his head slowly. He sat up again, holding his hand out for Magnus who reluctantly crossed the room to take it. With a wicked smirk, Alec tugged, making Magnus fall back in bed with him.

Magnus laughed, settling on top of Alec easily enough. His smile grew soft when Alec cupped his face, planting a kiss on his lips before moving to his cheeks, his forehead, the tip of his nose.

“No,” he finally answered, pulling back to meet Magnus’ eyes. Magnus gave an exaggerated eye roll, but it was ruined by the smitten look on his face that made Alec’s heart ache in the best way. “I haven’t had one single second thought,” he said truthfully.

Magnus’ smile widened as he leaned in to kiss Alec again. “I haven’t either,” he said, running his hands through Alec’s hair, the two of them grinning at each other like the lovesick idiots they were.

After a minute, Magnus pushed away, standing and moving to finish taking the curtains down with a smirk aimed over his shoulder at Alec. “Now hurry before I decide I hate this color.”

***

Magnus eyed Alec closely, watching him slowly, rhythmically painting the bedroom wall, sweats hanging low, white shirt tight around his arms and abs as he’d put on a nice amount of muscle for the new movie. His shirt rode up to reveal a flash of skin every once in a while, thoroughly distracting Magnus from where he was _trying_ to work.

“If you painted more and stared less this would go faster.”

Magnus looked up, meeting Alec’s gaze as he smirked back over his shoulder.

“It wouldn’t be nearly as enjoyable though,” Magnus replied, winking, gaze lingering on Alec’s stubble. It really should be illegal for him to shave. “And it’s not my fault you’re so distracting,” he added.

Alec laughed, shaking his head.

Magnus went back to the wall he was painting, humming to himself. He couldn’t seem to stop grinning, something else he blamed entirely on Alec. He was just…happy. So happy. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been this happy. They were together, they were in love, they were _moving in together_. At the moment, he couldn’t think of a single other thing he wanted or needed in life.

Feeling eyes on him, Magnus glanced over his shoulder, smirking when he caught Alec staring at him. “If you painted more and stared less this would go faster,” he teased, parroting Alec’s words back at him.

Alec shrugged, eyes wide and innocent. “It’s not my fault you’re so distracting.”

Magnus laughed, turning back to his wall. He was pulled abruptly from his thoughts a moment later as something landed with a wet splash on his back.

Gasping, Magnus whirled around, glaring at his boyfriend. Alec was whistling innocently, stilling painting, back to Magnus.

“You did not just throw paint at me,” Magnus said.

Alec looked over his shoulder, an exaggerated frown on his face. “What? Of course not. What are you talking about, love?”

Ignoring the term of endearment, Magnus’ eyes narrowed, easily seeing the smile Alec was trying to hide behind his wide-eyed look of innocence. Magnus pulled at his shirt, looking over his shoulder where he could clearly see the splash of purple paint on his shirt — which was technically Alec’s but details.

“If you’re not going to take this seriously, there will be repercussions,” Magnus stated, stalking forward slowly.

“Oh?” Alec asked, turning to face him, eyebrow arched. “Will I like these repercussions?”

Magnus’ eyes shined, a sexy smirk crossing his face as he stepped up close, pressing his body against Alec’s, their eyes locked. With one hand, Magnus reached up, slipping it behind Alec’s neck and tugging him down into a heated kiss. With his other hand, he ran his paintbrush down Alec’s back, leaving a purple streak down his white shirt.

Alec gasped into the kiss, quickly pulling back. “Did you just?” he asked, reaching behind him to touch his shirt, fingers coming away slick with paint as he fixed his most betrayed look on Magnus.

“I can’t believe you just did that.”

Magnus shrugged, cupping Alec’s cheek to kiss him lightly before stepping back. “All’s fair in love and war, darling.”

 Magnus grinned it fell quickly when he didn’t move fast enough though. Alec reached out, catching him with one arm around his waist, hauling him back as Magnus laughed, letting it happen. He winced, groaning as Alec ran his brush over Magnus’ cheek, leaving a wet streak, the smell of paint suddenly overwhelming.

“Oops,” Alec whispered, leaning in to kiss Magnus’ other cheek. “Hand slipped.”

Magnus dropped his own paintbrush, turning around to grab Alec’s face and rub his paint covered cheek against Alec’s.

“Oh, it’s on,” Alec whispered, kissing Magnus before pulling away to reach for more paint.

After that, it was all out war. Paint flying back and forth as they struggled to hold each other still, the drop cloths becoming slick until they tumbled to the ground together, a mass of tangled limbs, laughing against each other as Chairman Meow ran for cover. Magnus tilted his head back, kissing Alec, their paint mingling.

“This is a real problem,” he said, head tilted back for Alec as he kissed along Magnus’ neck.

Alec hummed against his skin, making Magnus chuckle softly before moaning as Alec’s hands moving to push Magnus’ shirt up.

“We have so much to do,” Magnus said, even as he quickly tugged Alec’s shirt up and over his head.

Alec smirked down at him, hands stilling where they were working on removing Magnus’ clothes. “Just a short break?” he suggested, a playful glee lighting his eyes.

Instead of replying, Magnus flipped them until he was on top of Alec, staring down at his paint smeared face. He ran his hands through Alec’s hair, down across his shoulders and further down over his abs, admiring what his training regimen for the movie was doing to his body, before leaning down to kiss him, soft and slow.

“Maybe I can spare five minutes,” he said.

“Fifteen might be better,” Alec suggested, eyes shining.

Magnus hummed, kissing Alec again. “Or thirty,” he said, smirking against Alec’s lips. Alec laughed, Magnus’ heart skipped. He’d never been so sure about anything in his life as he was at that moment that he wanted to spend the rest of his life hearing that laugh. Feeling that freeing happiness, that giddiness in his heart that he felt only when he was with Alec, like they were in their own world, far from everyone and everything else.

By the time they finished their break and painting the bedroom, it was edging into the afternoon and they were both covered in paint. The room looked perfect except for the one spot in which Magnus had pressed Alec against the still wet wall, kissing him deeply. But Magnus couldn’t even bring himself to care as they moved to the living room.

The new couches and chairs were all sleek and dark, contrasting with the bright walls. The living room went faster, Magnus had music playing softly in the background as they easily moved around each other, painting and talking about everything and nothing.

When they were done, they decided to call it good for the day. Magnus dug out the throw blankets he’d ordered, arranging them and the pillows throughout the living room until it was perfect, before flopping down next to Alec.

Alec wrapped his arm around Magnus’ shoulders, burying his nose in Magnus’ hair before pulling back with a wince.

“You smell like paint,” he complained.

Magnus turned to him with a smirk, standing and holding his hand out to Alec. “Help me get cleaned up and I’ll make room in the closet for you.”

“We’ll probably have to shower if we want to get the smell of paint out of your hair,” Alec said casually.

“Whatever it takes,” Magnus replied, smirk widening.

***

By the end of the day, the apartment was a mess, they still had to paint the spare rooms and the kitchen; barely half of Alec’s things had managed to get unpacked after they’d lingered in the shower and then Magnus had painstakingly worked on making room in the closet. But Alec couldn’t bring himself to care that half of his things were still in boxes as they curled up on the couch on the balcony late that night, sipping wine and eating pizza. They’d have plenty of time to finish everything.

“So,” Magnus prompted.

Alec glanced over at him where he sat on the other end of the couch, facing Alec with a small smile. Alec arched an eyebrow. “So?”

Leaning forward, Magnus slapped Alec’s arm lightly, making him groan. “What do you think? Do you like living with me?” Magnus asked, eyes wide and innocent, a teasing tilt to his mouth.

Alec smiled softly, reaching out and tugging Magnus closer, cupping his face, thumb brushing across his cheek. “I love it,” he said, briefly losing himself in Magnus’ eyes. “And you?”

Magnus’ eyes shined in the soft evening light, far above the city streets. He smirked, moving one hand up and over Alec’s jaw, back through his soft hair, leaning closer so their breath mingled, words whispered over Alec’s lips. “Everything I imagined.”

“Good,” Alec replied before kissing him. The kiss tasted of wine and pizza, they still smelt vaguely of paint even after using Magnus’ favorite sandalwood soap in the shower, it was late and they were tired and they’d kissed dozens of times that day but the soft way their lips brushed still sent shivers through Alec’s body. He was pretty sure he’d never find something that was quite as amazing as kissing Magnus Bane.

The next day, they finished getting most of the apartment put back together – there was still work to do in the guest rooms but that could wait. Magnus surprised Alec with more closet space, the small gesture somehow feeling like the best gift Alec had ever gotten. They even managed to paint the kitchen and set up Alec’s office, which came in handy for Alec’s books if nothing else, though Magnus did insist on swapping some of his books with Alec’s, so they could co-exist.

As they worked, Alec realized for the first time just how big Magnus’ – _their_ – apartment was. Far too big for just the two of them. There was a gym in it for fuck’s sake. But it was nice not to have to worry about waking anyone else up in the middle of the night, not having to worry about anyone walking in on them. And Alec really, really loved the thought of having this waiting for him. When he was away filming, while Magnus was touring. It felt more doable, being away from each other, if they always had somewhere to come back to, together.

The next night, Alec took a number from Magnus’ book, sneakily renting out a nice restaurant in the city – Ragnor knew the owners so it wasn’t hard to keep it quiet. Alec wanted to be able to go out with Magnus, to celebrate right. It was worth every penny for the smile on Magnus’ face when Alec told him they were going out and for the look in his eyes when they arrived at the small Italian restaurant.

“Flaunting your worth, Alexander? I’m shocked. You know, just because you’re famous doesn’t mean you can go around renting out whole restaurants. Jeez. So spoiled,” Magnus tutted, shaking his head sadly.

“I’ll give you spoiled,” Alec muttered, leaning in to kiss Magnus’ cheek.

Magnus snorted, pulling away. The restaurant was on the top floor, with roof seating which is where Magnus chose to sit.

“I just thought we should celebrate right,” Alec said as they sat. “I mean, your kind of an overachiever. Four billboard nominations?” he teased.

Magnus shook his head, throwing a breadstick at Alec’s head.

“Some would be happy with just album of the year, but you had to go for song, artist, and music video too?” Alec shook his head sadly. “So full of yourself.”

“You’re full of myself,” Magnus said, not even bothering to hide his smirk and knowing look.

Alec snorted, glancing down at the menu as his face flushed.

As they climbed into bed that night, curling close, talking softly – about just how far they’d come and how happy they were to be there together; about the past and the future and anything that popped into their heads. Alec couldn’t help thinking that this time last year, Magnus was just someone whose name being mentioned in casual conversation still had the ability to shatter Alec’s heart with the painful memories it never failed to conjure and now — now, they were living together. They were making everything they’d let ruin them and failed at the first time work. And he’d never been happier in his life.

***

Their weekend together ended too quickly, especially considering it would be another month until they saw each other but Magnus was learning to just be happy with the time they got. It was a lot better than moaning over the time they didn’t get. It wouldn’t always be so hectic and it was working. Sure, he’d like to have more time but…there was plenty of time for that.

“I wish I could be your date tonight,” Alec whispered, leaning in to kiss him as they lingered at the door.

“You’re a much better date than Raphael,” Magnus agreed. The Billboard awards were that night, he and Raphael were flying out to Vegas in just a little over an hour. Alec would be going to New York for the day to meet with Hodge before flying out to set the day after. They would be just missing each other as Magnus’ tour bus and crew were already in New York, for the concert the following night.

“I hate Raphael,” Alec muttered, kissing Magnus between words.

Magnus snorted. “Don’t say that too loudly, he has ears everywhere.”

He understood though, why Alec hated that he couldn’t be at the awards show, Magnus hated it too. He’d always wanted that before, it was what one of their first big fights was about. But he was learning to be happy with what they got. Before, it’d seemed like such a big deal but Magnus would choose the last two days together, their quiet dinner the night before, just the two of them, over showing Alec off at an awards show anytime.

Magnus kissed him one last time before pulling away. “Next time,” he grinned, slipping out the door before either other them could get distracted and return to kissing once again.

“I love you!” Alec shouted through the closed door.

Grinning, Magnus shook his head. “I love you too!”

Not even the message he got from Sebastian thirty minutes later, telling Magnus that if he didn’t get his interview soon, he was releasing everything, could deter Magnus’ good mood.

***

Ragnor showed up at the apartment before Alec left to catch his plane, telling Alec he was going to want to see something right away. Looking at the papers Ragnor thrust at him, Alec couldn’t bring himself to believe it at first. Ragnor booked a last minute ticket on Alec’s flight, spending most of the first hour outlining everything to Alec.

A sick feeling started in his gut, anger curling his fists. If this was true — Alec shook his head. He was going to kill Hodge.

***

“Raphael,” Magnus said, sipping his champagne and flopping down on one of the couches in their plush suite of rooms in one of the fancy hotels and casinos in Vegas. “If I win tonight, it will be all because of you.”

Raphael raised an eyebrow, sipping his own drink. “How so?”

“Because you, Raphael, have been there since the beginning. Without you, I never would’ve learned to dance. I would’ve given up on guitar and still be writing crap songs because no one would’ve told me how much I sucked so I never would’ve gotten better.”

Raphael nodded slowly. “I suppose that is all true.”

“That, is why you’re going to be my best man when I get married,” Magnus said. Maybe he’d had one too many drinks on the plane, he thought before waving the thought away.

“Is there something I should know?”

“Not yet my friend. All in good time.”

***

Alec didn’t bother going by the apartment, heading straight for Hodge’s office with Ragnor in tow even though it was more than an hour before they were supposed to meet for lunch. On Hodge’s floor, he walked straight past the receptionist, ignoring her calls after him. He didn’t know what he was going to say or do, all he knew was he was going to find out the truth, once and for all.

Rounding the corner to Hodge’s office, Alec stopped when Ragnor grabbed his arm suddenly. He turned to ask why the hell Ragnor was stopping him now when he heard the sarcastic, snarling laugh coming from behind the door that was opened just slightly.

“Let me make myself clear,” a voice Alec recognized all too easily snarled. “I don’t get my interview, you don’t get your cut, Starkweather.”

Alec shook his head, closing his eyes. He was so stupid, all this time…

Hodge snorted inside the office, calling Sebastian by his real name when he replied. “Oh shut up, Jonathan. I mean, honestly. I do all your work for you, you’d be nothing without me.”

_All your work for you_ … Alec shook his head, hands curling into fists. Ragnor was right, it was Hodge. Hodge was Sebastian’s “inside source”. Giving him free access to everything he needed to tear Alec and Magnus apart.

“Yeah, well, you’ll be nothing if I tell everyone just how you treat your clients,” Sebastian said, turning and throwing the door open to stomp out. He came up short, grinning as he found Alec standing there. “Oops.”

Without another word, Sebastian slipped past them, laughing to himself like he hadn’t a care in the world. Alec couldn’t deal with him right now though, looking up at Hodge who’d frozen in front of his large window, behind his expensive desk, looking panicked and then resigned.

“Alec,” he said, nodding.

Alec took a deep breath before stepping into Hodge’s office. He’d never been so angry in his life. “So, it’s true,” he said, not stopping for Hodge to reply, the older man’s face paler than normal. “You’re the one that leaked everything to Sebastian, that gave him the information he’s using to blackmail Magnus? For how long, Hodge?”

“Alec, I can explain—”

“How,” Alec shouted, cutting clear across Hodge’s voice as Hodge stared at him, resigned and perfectly calm. “ _Long_?”

Hodge shook his head. “Let’s just calm down,” he said, gesturing for Alec to sit. “I can explain.”

Alec shook his head, jaw set. “Two years ago?” he demanded.

Hodge hesitated, staring at Alec for a moment before seeming to give up. With a sigh, he fell into his desk chair and nodded. “Yes. I gave Sebastian the pictures he used back then to blackmail you. I encouraged you to break up with Magnus and I didn’t tell you when he showed up to see you, after. I was trying to protect you—”

“Protect me? By ruining the best thing in my life? By outing me before I was ready?” Alec was shaking, it took everything in him not to shout, keeping his voice low but filled with anger.

Hodge met his eyes, shaking his head. “No. That’s not—”

Alec held up his hand, shaking his head. “No,” he said, jaw clenched. “I don’t care why you did it.”

Alec threw the file he was holding – filled with everything Ragnor had found after finding someone with enough skill to hack Sebastian’s database, tracking a fake email address back to Hodge and hundreds of emails between the two – on Hodge’s desk, watching the papers scatter.

“You’re fired,” Alec said, turning and marching back out of the office. He couldn’t think, couldn’t breathe. His hands were shaking as he stormed back through the office building towards the elevators.

Breathing in raggedly, Alec turned to Ragnor. “Now what?”

***

Magnus was much more sober by the time they got to the red carpet that night. Laughing at Raphael’s dry commentary on all the others, judging everyone’s outfits as they didn’t live up to his sense of style. It was always a good idea to bring Raphael to these things, Magnus knew. No one had quite the same bleak outlook on life as his oldest friend.

He wasn’t nervous at all, he never was for these things. He would win or he wouldn’t and that wouldn’t change anything really. He’d still go back to the hotel and call Alec and talk until they fell asleep. He’d still go to New York to play a sold-out concert at Madison Square Garden the next week. He’d still be proud of his newest album. It was just nice, winning. Of course, Magnus was a sap, so he’d say he already won, knowing he had Alec.

“Dios, I can practically hear your sappy thoughts,” Raphael muttered.

Magnus flipped him off, posing for pictures, answering the same old questions, grinning the whole time. Once done with the red carpet, Magnus left Raphael to find their seats, as he’d be performing first that night, having the honor of opening the show with the most appropriate song ever, _Rumors_.

***

“I’m going to kill him,” Isabelle muttered. “Wrap my hands around his weasel neck and squeeze.” She helpfully demonstrated this on the bottle of beer she held.

“Which one? Sebastian or Hodge?” Jace snorted, tugging Clary into his lap. They were practically living together in the apartment, now that Alec had moved out. Despite everything going on, Alec spared a moment to be happy for his brother, Jace finally managing to get his shit together.

“Either,” Isabelle shrugged. “Both.”

“Someone should probably hold her back,” Simon said. “Not me but someone.”

They all sat around the dining table, they’d ordered food but no one had touched it. Luke paced around the room, shaking his head slowly. He was in town to spend time with Clary and Jocelyn between shows, Alec had called him as soon as they left Hodge’s office.

“There’s no need for killing,” he said now. “They’ve both broken plenty of laws. We have proof that Sebastian was blackmailing Magnus — which I cannot believe you didn’t tell me about,” Luke said, leveling Alec with a glare though in Alec’s defense it was Magnus who should’ve told Luke. “I highly suggest, at the very least, you sue the crap out of Hodge.”

Before Luke could continue, there was a light knock at the door. Everyone froze, falling silent. Alec rose slowly, moving to answer the door, not the least bit surprised at finding Hodge waiting on the other side. Alec moved back, letting him in despite himself because he wanted to know why Hodge had done it, he wanted to know everything.

Hodge handed Alec an envelope, stepping into the room cautiously.

“I swear to god—” Isabelle shouted. Alec reacted just in time, catching her before she could touch Hodge.

Hodge looked terrified, staring at Isabelle who was struggling to get free of Alec.

“Everything’s in the folder,” Hodge said, nodding to it. “Details on what Jonathan — Sebastian and I conspired to do. Blackmail. The articles. Sebastian is already recanting his articles.”

“That’s not good enough,” Isabelle glared.

Hodge held his hands up. “I know,” he said. “But I was only trying to help, I want you to know that.”

“Help?” Isabelle spat, shrugging off Alec’s arms but making no move to go after Hodge. “How was anything you did to help?”

Hodge didn’t look the least bit sorry as he said, “I was looking after Alec’s career.”

“And Magnus’?” Luke demanded.

Hodge shrugged, rolling his eyes. “That’s not my concern,” he barely got the words out when Luke was suddenly across the room. Before Alec knew what was happening, Hodge was on the floor, holding his mouth.

Jace whooped loudly from the kitchen.

“Daaaamn,” Simon called.

Isabelle stared down at Hodge before turning to Luke and slapping him on the arm. “Nice one but I wanted to do that.”

Clary brought Luke a bag of ice quickly, ignoring Hodge as he slowly got back to his feet.

“I know you won’t believe me, Alec,” Hodge continued like nothing had happened, touching his split lip carefully. “But I mean it, everything I did, I did for you. Yes, I got paid, what can I say? I’m only human. I got in too deep with the Morgenstern’s and did what I had to. But it was all, always, to help you. To do what was right for your career and image.”

“Do you even hear yourself?” Isabelle demanded. “Alec isn’t just a client with an image to uphold. He’s a person and because of you—”

“Because of you,” Alec cut in, voice ice cold. “I lost two years with Magnus.”

Everyone fell silent, gazes moving between Alec and Hodge.

“I just don’t understand one thing,” Alec continued. “Why?”

“Why?” Hodge repeated, shaking his head slowly. “Because, I needed the money and you didn’t need that kind of exposure yet. I couldn’t have you coming out for him, not then. It would’ve ruined your career.”

Luke and Isabelle moved at the same time but Alec held his arm out, stopping both of them. Violence wouldn’t make any of this better.

“You’re a piece of shit, Hodge,” Isabelle hissed.

“And you’re fired,” Jace added from the kitchen. “In case that wasn’t obvious. I know Alec already fired you but I felt left out. So, yeah. You’re fired.”

“I think you should go,” Alec said, moving to open the door. He didn’t want to hear anything more. Hodge had sold them out two years ago, leading to Sebastian’s blackmail and everything that happened back then and, as if that weren’t bad enough, he’d tried to do it again… Alec didn’t know what to feel anymore – angry? Sad? Betrayed? He didn’t really feel any of that though. He just felt relieved. It would end now. He and Magnus could move on. He had Magnus, that was all that really mattered.

Alec’s mind turned slowly as he stared at the front door, Hodge disappearing somewhere beyond it. He turned to the others, an idea sparking to life suddenly.

“Don’t tell Magnus about this,” he said. “Not yet.”

Luke looked over, arms folded. “You have a plan?”

“Yeah. I do.”

***

Magnus won. Song of the year. Artist of the year. Music video of the year. And finally, Album of the year. He couldn’t quite believe it, despite his cockiness, he never quite believed he’d win at these things.

He shook his head, smiling sheepishly as he accepted his final award of the night.

“Well, I don’t want to be repetitive,” he started, staring down at the award. “This year has been…crazy. I wouldn’t be here tonight without my friends and family whom you’re probably sick of hearing about. My fans who are truly the best in the world and whom I would literally be nothing without. So, this is for you all. And, lastly, most importantly,” Magnus paused, glancing up to look straight into the camera, swallowing before continuing. He knew it might be a mistake, knew it would likely spark even more talk about his personal life but there was only one person he wanted to mention when accepting this award.

Looking down, Magnus cleared his throat. “There’s one person who inspires me more than anyone else,” he started, staring at the award as he talked. “More and more every day if I’m honest. I’m extremely lucky to have this person in my life and this album – well, maybe it would’ve existed without them – but it wouldn’t have been as good and it wouldn’t have meant as much, they helped me rediscover my muse just when I thought it was gone forever.”

Magnus paused, finally glancing up, wishing Alec were there to hear his speech before clearing his throat again. “So, this one is for my muse, my love. And, no, I’m not going to give you all a name,” Magnus said, winking as he paused for laughter. “They know who they are though. So, thank you, my love.”

Magnus bit his lip, waving to the cheers from the crowd, practically able to feel Raphael rolling his eyes from his seat as he walked away, feeling like he could fly.

Everything was falling into place and, for once, Magnus was confident that nothing could get in their way this time. Completely sure that whatever was thrown at them next, they’d get through just like they’d been getting through everything else, together, and that was worth far more than an award.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo... Yeah... That happened. *grins* One. chapter. left. I wonder how it will end...? I can't believe this is almost over! I kind of want to hold off on the last chapter just a little, so at the latest, it will be up in the beginning of March! Do let me know if you liked this chapter and if you had any favorite lines or parts and remember you can always yell at me on [Tumblr @imawriteriwrite](http://imawriteriwrite.tumblr.com/)!
> 
> Kudos and comments = love. I love you all and thanks for reading! <3<3<3


	31. Dance With Me Wrapped In Your Arms

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god, I can't believe this is the last chapter. This has taken me over a year to finish, I never intended for it to take that long or grow so much or get so many amazing readers but I'm so happy that it has and so happy to post the last. chapter! This fic wouldn't have been possible without my amazing betas, Maud and Domenica, who not only helped me not look like an idiot but are incredibly supportive and helped me through many a writer's block and moments I was convinced I would never finish this story and it sucked, I love you both. Shout out to Luna and Georgia, for both of your constant encouragement and screaming at me for putting Malec through so much, I love and appreciate you both. And lastly, the biggest shout out of them all, everyone who's read this fic and recommended this fic and commented or sent me messages on Tumblr, I love and appreciate you all and never would've finished this without you! I will hope you enjoy the ending! <3<3<3
> 
> Title from Dance With Me by Mandi Mapes which I highly recommend.

“So, I’m your muse, huh?” Alec asked. It was the night of the awards and they were facetiming in the middle of the night.

Winning was nice but this was nicer, Magnus thought, biting his lip on a smile. Instead, he winced. “Oops? You thought I was talking about you? That’s embarrassing, babe. I love you but I was talking about Raphael. He’s always there for me, you know? And it’s just…impossible not to be inspired by him.”

Alec snorted, shaking his head. The lights were low as he stood on the balcony, making it hard to see his face on Magnus’ screen. Magnus was sitting up in bed, Raphael’s snoring reaching him from all the way across their suite of rooms. “Oh yeah. I’m sure many a love song has been written about Raphael.”

Magnus nodded seriously.

“You, however? You’re just so…” Magnus wrinkled his nose. “I look at you or think about you and try to write a song and…nothing. Absolutely nothing.”

“Oh, really?” Alec teased, eyes dancing as the light breeze blew his hair around. “Well, I guess we better call it quits now. Maybe you’ll be happier with Raphael?”

Magnus didn’t mean to give in first but couldn’t help snorting, it quickly turned into a full-on laugh he tried to stifle with a hand over his mouth so as not to wake Raphael. The phone shook in his hand, Alec smirking widely on the screen, shaking his head at Magnus like he was crazy.

Breathing in deeply, Magnus managed to stifle his laughter, focusing back on his phone and biting his lip thoughtfully. He tilted his head to the side, considering. “Alas, I think I’ll stick with you.”

Alec’s eyes shined even through their bad connection. “Yeah?”

Magnus nodded. “Yeah, even though you’re trying to steal my cat.”

“It’s not my fault he loves me more. He wants to be with me, Magnus.”

Magnus shook his head, smirking. He couldn’t really blame the Chairman for that. “ _I_ want to be with you,” he said, what was intended as a joke coming out far too emotional because it was the truth.

Alec’s eyes grew softer, the city dim over his shoulders compared to his bright smile. “I want to be with you too.”

Magnus bit his lip on a laugh as they just stared at each other through their fuzzy connection. They were ridiculous, he knew but he didn’t care. It was moments like this when it just suddenly came over him, a soft aching in his heart. He loved Alec so much and he was so happy and he couldn’t believe this was real because it felt so right it couldn’t possibly be and yet, somehow, it was. He knew his happiness wasn’t just because of Alec, it was also because he was in a good place with his career and he had amazing friends he loved and a great family he’d pieced together, but being with Alec was a big part of it.

“You know,” Alec said a few minutes later. “I’m proud of you.”

“Yeah?” Magnus smiled, heart skipping. “I’m quite proud of me too.”

Alec laughed and Magnus basked in that feeling growing ever stronger in his gut, heart skipping about. He’d never get tired of those moments where he felt his love for Alec so strongly that it was tangible. Even from a thousand miles away, just talking to Alec had the ability to turn Magnus’ whole day around.

“I meant it though, Alexander. You do…inspire me. Not just in bed,” he couldn’t help but add with a wink.

Alec snorted. “Glad to hear it. You inspire me too.”

“Oh yeah? How so?” Magnus asked, settling back in bed.

“I’d tell you but I don’t want it going to your head.”

Magnus laughed, sticking his tongue out at Alec. “You’re just jealous of me and my awards,” Magnus replied, turning the phone so Alec could see the awards lined up beside him in bed.

“You’re sleeping with them, really?”

“Of course, it’s not like I have a better option,” he said, pouting at Alec.

“Raphael,” Alec suggested.

“Don’t even think about it, Bane,” Raphael shouted from the other room, apparently no longer asleep.

“Go back to sleep grumpy!”

“No phone sex with walls this thin!”

“Well shucks, there goes all my plans,” Magnus shouted back.

When he looked back to his phone, Alec was just smiling at him. Magnus’ heart skipped again. “How’s New York?”

“Boring without you.”

“Poor New York, I think you just hurt its feelings.”

Alec shrugged. “I told it the truth.”

***

Alec didn’t fly out to set in the morning like he was supposed to. Luckily, they were behind schedule anyway, something about having to scout a new location, they’d be fine without him for another day or two. Instead, he spent the day getting everything together and then he went to Magnus’ concert. He’d be playing Madison Square Garden two nights in a row. Luke got him front row tickets. Alec lost his breath as always when Magnus came out on stage, dressed in tight shiny black pants, a shirt Alec recognized as one of his, and a sparkly purple vest. He also had a top hat that he quickly discarded during the first song, throwing it out at the crowd.

Alec managed to blend in with the crowd, slipping away before the encores so he could slip into Magnus’ dressing room before he got there. Luke had the flowers he had ordered waiting.

When Magnus walked into the room a few minutes later, shouting something to someone over his shoulder before turning to see Alec smirking at him, a dozen red roses in hand, he froze, eyes going wide, and then shook his head slowly.

Alec would never get tired of surprising Magnus, attempting to outdo the times he surprised Alec. Never get tired of the way Magnus’ eyes lit with happiness and then went soft the longer he stared at Alec. He was looking forward to Magnus’ tour ending and filming ending so that they’d actually be in the same place for more than a couple of days but there was something special about these moments; something special about loving someone so much that sometimes it hurts to breathe when you aren’t around them but also, who you’re so sure of, so happy with, that it was okay when you were apart because you knew you’d be back together again as soon as possible.

The dressing room was large, empty. Filled with all of Magnus’ favorite things. Bottles of water in a bowl on the coffee table before a leather couch. An empty tea cup by the mirror. Magnus’ favorite chocolate in bulk to the side. Various flowers and gifts strewn here and there but Magnus only had eyes for Alec as he shut the door behind him.

“What are you doing here?” Magnus whispered, coming close.

“Celebrating your wins,” Alec replied, handing Magnus the flowers. Magnus stared at them for a minute before tossing them aside, reaching for Alec instead, tugging him down into a kiss.

Alec pulled back. “Wow, that was a gift,” he snorted, laughing when Magnus shushed him to continue kissing him. Alec wrapped his arms around Magnus, tugging him closer. It hadn’t even been that long since they last saw each other but Alec was fairly confident at this point that whether a single night had passed or an entire month, he’d always be overwhelmed by these same feelings whenever they returned to each other. He’d always feel the same happiness, making his heart lighter, every bit of him settling, calming because he was right where he wanted to be.

Magnus kissed Alec softly before pulling back slowly to look Alec over. “You’re in New York,” he said, reaching up to kiss Alec again before he could say anything. “Shouldn’t you be somewhere far, far away?”

Alec snorted. “I’m not in Star Wars,” he teased, bringing their lips together again slowly. “I got a few days off.”

“Yeah?”

Alec nodded, kissing Magnus slowly. “Yeah.”

“That’s nice.”

“I thought so.”

“I thought we could celebrate,” Alec added, laughing when Magnus backed him up against the nearest wall.

“I love celebrating,” Magnus said, kissing down Alec’s neck, making him forget everything else he’d intended to say.

***

Magnus woke late into the morning, rolling over in bed in his New York apartment where he and Alec had spent the night. Flinging his hand out only to find a cold, empty bed, Magnus frowned. He sat up, calling for Alec but the apartment was silent and empty. There was a moment, brief but painful, where Magnus panicked but he shoved it aside quickly. Wherever Alec went, he’d be back.

There was a knock on the front door just as he was about to text Alec. Turning, Magnus went and opened the door to find Isabelle grinning at him. “There’s something you need to see,” she said, barging into the room.

***

Helen Blackthorne was Alec’s co-star Aline’s girlfriend and just happened to run a highly regarded website known as one of the only legit gossip websites known to never post bullshit rumors. She also ran a podcast and a YouTube channel that was known to upload video interviews with celebrities. One call from Aline and Alec’s interview had been set up. He had to admit, out of all the interviews he’d ever done, this was his favorite. Helen had asked him exactly what he wanted to talk about before filming began in a small room in her office in New York so there’d be no surprise questions and he could cover everything he needed to.

They talked for a while about the movie and the show as the studio thought this was an interview about Downworlders, before Helen elegantly led the conversation to a more private matter.

“Did you happen to catch the Billboard Music Awards the other night?” she finally asked.

“I did,” Alec confirmed with a small smile, shifting in his seat to be more comfortable.

Helen nodded slowly, her own smile threatening to take over her face but she managed to stay perfectly professional save for a knowing twinkle in her eyes. “There has, of course, been a lot of rumors the last few months about you and one of the night’s biggest winners, pop superstar Magnus Bane,” Helen continued. “Going back years really. Anything you want to clear up there? Everyone seems to constantly be pressing for information on this matter but you haven’t said much, if I remember correctly.”

Alec nodded, clearing his throat. “We’ve been trying to keep everything quiet,” he started.

“We?” Helen interrupted.

“Magnus and I,” Alec clarified, struggling to keep a straight face.

“Are you still a we?”

Alec smiled, shaking his head slowly. “Is that your way of asking if we’re still friends or in a relationship?”

Helen shrugged. “Both.”

“I,” Alec swallowed, straightening up in his seat, slyly wiping his sweating palms on his pants. This was it, what he’d been waiting for. “I lost Magnus once, because of all the drama and scrutiny that comes with this kind of relationship. When you’re famous, or you’re involved with someone famous, it’s never just the two of you but a million other people weighing in on it. But… I won’t do that again.”

Alec paused to breathe before looking straight at the camera. Saying, without an ounce of hesitation, voice unwavering, “I am in love with Magnus Bane, a hundred and ten percent. There’s — honestly, there’s no one else for me. So, I can tell you that, yes, we’re both still friends and in a relationship.”

Helen grinned. “Okay, so you do want to explain that a little? There were rumors that Magnus was seeing someone else, that you had broken up…”

“The breakup was just a rumor that we decided to let run its course. It wasn’t real, it was all a lie, we wanted to keep things quiet after that, but it’s quite serious. We’re happier than ever.”

“Oh, looks like we already have comments coming in. Apparently, true love really does exist. Can you confirm that Alec?”

Laughing, Alec shook his head before shrugging. “I mean, I guess, sure.”

***

Magnus didn’t have time to talk to Alec before he was rushing to get ready for his own interview before his second night at Madison Square Garden. He was finding it hard to breathe, mind spinning. Alec had gone public. Alec had told the whole world that he was in love with Magnus, that there was no one else in the world for him.

Magnus shook his head as he slid into the back of the car with Luke. Alec was insane.

He answered the second his phone rang. “I feel like I’m missing something,” Magnus said, but he wasn’t angry, he was only confused and slightly concerned.

“I can explain,” Alec said, and he did. Magnus listened in shocked silence, only breaking it to laugh and give Luke a look when Alec got to the part of the story where Luke punched Hodge. They were just pulling up outside the studio for Magnus’ interview when Alec finished. “So. Yeah.”

Magnus nodded slowly, processing. “So it was all Hodge? He told Sebastian everything, he broke us up?”

“Yeah,” Alec said, hesitantly. Magnus knew Alec, knew Alec better than he ever thought he could know someone. He heard the hesitation in his voice, the worry. So he wasn’t surprised by Alec’s next question, “Are you mad?”

“At Hodge, aka Satan #3? Yes,” Magnus said, free hand curling into a fist. “At Sebastian? Obviously. At you? No. Of course not.”

“But… I didn’t tell you right away and well, I thought it would be good, right? To go public again. So we don’t have to hide anymore. But then I thought, I’m an idiot, right? Because I should’ve talked to you first, made sure you wanted that. I’m sorry, Magnus.”

Magnus shook his head slowly, closing his eyes and leaning back against the headrest. He couldn’t help the smile crossing his face or the short laugh escaping his mouth. “I appreciate your apology and sure, I mean, this is probably something we should’ve talked about first but I’m not mad. I don’t care,” he said the last words with more force than he meant but it was true. He didn’t care. It was the last thing he cared about because… It was over. Hodge and Sebastian could go fuck themselves. They didn’t have to worry about the blackmail anymore, they didn’t have to _hide_ , and that was all Magnus had ever wanted. To be free to be completely and totally, head over heels in love with Alexander Gideon Lightwood. To not have to hide it. To tell the whole world.

“Really?”

“Of course, Alec. I couldn’t care less, really. I wanted this — I _want_ this. I don’t want to have to hide anymore. I mean, we’ll have to set some boundaries now that this is real and everyone knows, I’d prefer not to talk about everything at interviews, but I love you, and I want to be able to go out with you without having to worry. I want to go to the premiere of your movie with you. I want you to come to awards shows with me. All that matters is that we’re happy.”

Magnus was slightly out of breath by the time he finished talking, silently thankful for Luke, who’d stepped out of the car with the driver to give him privacy.

Alec let out a small, choked laugh. “Okay, yeah. Good. You’re right,” he said, seeming at a loss of words for a moment.

“I usually am,” Magnus smirked. “I have to go but I’ll see you tonight?”

“I’ll be anxiously awaiting.”

Magnus rolled his eyes. “I love you.”

“Love you too.”

Magnus couldn’t stop smiling as he stepped out of the car. He’d been right the other night, after the awards show, everything was falling together perfectly.

The interview went better than most recently and when asked who Magnus had been talking about in his speech at the Billboard awards, Magnus didn’t hesitate in answering, biting back a teasing smile as he did so.

***

Not much changed over the next few weeks and yet everything did. It was small things really, being able to talk to Magnus while surrounded by his co-stars because he didn’t have to hide anymore — which admittedly had one downfall of Aline constantly teasing him about how sappy he was — and being able to comment on Magnus’ Instagram and posting throwback photos of the two of them. More than that though, it was a relief, a weight off his shoulders. He felt free. No more hiding. From himself, from his feelings, from anyone. For the first time ever, he was able to be exactly who he was, without hiding who he loved, without talking carefully so as not to give himself away. And he quickly realized just what a gift that was.

And then there was this, another event Alec had to attend as their show was up for a handful of awards. He was excited and nervous, had flown in from where he was still filming Downworlders just for this, but the best part wasn’t the show being up for awards and it wasn’t Jace and Lydia being there with him. The best part was when he stepped out of the limo, reaching behind him for Magnus’ hand. The best part, was posing for pictures, talking to interviewers, laughing when Magnus leaned in, his breath brushing Alec’s ear as he made a joke about “the competition” as Magnus had dubbed every other cast and show up for awards that night. The best part, was when Magnus cheered louder than anyone else in the room when the show won its first award, kissing Alec softly before he walked up on stage with Jace and Lydia.

Magnus pressed a glass of champagne into Alec’s hand back in their hotel room that night, grinning up at him with dark eyes as he stepped close. “So, first public outing…” Magnus started.

“A success, I would say,” Alec said, a small smile turning up his lips as he rested his free hand on Magnus’ side.

Magnus’ eyes shined, shoulders swaying back and forth as he nodded, knocking his glass lightly against Alec’s. “I would say the same,” he smirked before raising his glass hire. “To you.”

Alec rolled his eyes, leaning down to kiss Magnus. “To _us_.”

***

“Finished filming today, can’t wait to see you next week.”

“Have a good show tonight. T-minus seven days until I see you again, my love.”

“Magnus, we’re no longer speaking to Aline. She thinks Helen and her are cuter than us.”

“I love you. That’s all.”

Magnus smiled, flopping down on the bed in his tour bus, listening to the various voicemails Alec had left him throughout the day, ending with one where he was clearly drunk after going out and celebrating with the cast. He’d be back on a set in just over two weeks as season two of his show was all set to go but they’d see each other again before that — Magnus had been counting down the days since they last saw each other two weeks before.

Magnus called Alec back, knowing he’d get his voice mail. “In Arizona tonight,” he said. “I found your look alike, don’t worry, I resisted replacing you with him. Hope you aren’t too hungover when you get this. I can’t wait to see you next week, darling. Love you.”

***

For the first time, Alec picked Magnus up at the airport. Hugging him close, sharing a soft kiss before heading out. They weren’t confined to their apartment this time, but they still spent a lot of time there. They had exactly 72 hours together and they made the most of them by spending the first night curled close on the balcony, sipping wine and talking about everything and nothing.

Alec’s favorite moments were those where they didn’t even have to say anything, could just sit there, hands clasped, Magnus’ legs resting on his lap and just…be together. There was something so simple but so perfect about those moments of just being together and being happy that they were.

Of course, he had other favorite moments too. Like getting all tangled in bed together, finding other ways to show their love for each other, clothes ever so slowly pulled off, lips meeting in soft kisses that slowly grew more heated as they reminded each other of just how well they worked together and just how much they missed each other. And then lying close after, just staring at each other, talking softly before drifting off, their arms wrapped around each other, legs tangled. Or cooking breakfast together the next morning, soft music playing in the background when Magnus insisted that they dance and Alec couldn’t even complain, didn’t want to because he enjoyed having Magnus pressed close to him too much.

They had their first official date night in an expensive, upscale restaurant downtown. They didn’t rent out the entire place, but they did pick somewhere quiet where they wouldn’t be disturbed, enjoying being out with each other even if they weren’t completely alone as Magnus’ bodyguard was always there, lingering in the background as they ate and went dancing.

“I’m just saying, don’t forget who was there for you when you were no one when you suddenly become even more wildly famous after Downworlders comes out,” Magnus said with a smile as he spun under Alec’s arm before coming back in close.

Alec laughed, shaking his head and wrapping his arm around Magnus’ lower back, hauling him closer, his other hand caressing Magnus’ as they danced. “Worried I’ll replace you?” he teased, as if that would ever be possible and Alec would know, he’d spent two years just trying to get over Magnus and he’d never once gotten anywhere close.

“As if you could ever find someone half as amazing as me,” Magnus scoffed, rolling his eyes.

“You really think you’re something, don’t you?” Alec laughed, nosing against Magnus’ cheek.

Magnus closed his eyes, breathing in deeply, a soft smile curling up his mouth. “I really do.”

Chuckling, Alec kissed Magnus lightly, just a peck, before allowing Magnus to spin him. They spent a good two hours dancing and drinking, laughing together the entire time. It was getting late and they were more just holding each other, barely swaying, than actually dancing, when Magnus looked up, kissing Alec’s cheek. “Ready to go home?”

Alec fought a smile, sure he would never get tired of being reminded that they lived together. Sure, they hadn’t been there together much yet but no matter where they went, whether it one state over or to a whole different country, they’d always come back to the same place, together. He nodded, leaning in to kiss Magnus when Magnus suddenly dropped his hand down Alec’s back, lightly pinching his butt.

Alec jumped before giving Magnus a look. “We’re in _public_ ,” he said, fighting a laugh at Magnus’ innocent expression. Magnus shrugged, turning away to leave, reaching back for Alec’s hand. Alec shook his head, swallowing a laugh and following Magnus out.

They were stopped by a couple fans on the way to the car, posing together for selfies, Alec’s heart ready to burst the entire time because they could do this now. Have date nights. Pose for pictures together. He thought he might burst with happiness.

Back at home, they settled in for a bubble bath, neither ready to sleep because sleeping meant being one day closer to parting again. They stayed in the bath until nearly all the bubbles were gone before retiring to bed, exhausted but warm and happy. Alec pulled the blankets up over Magnus who was feigning being too tired to move before falling into bed beside him, wrapping his arms around Magnus and pressing a kiss to his shoulder.

“I love you.”

Magnus smiled sleepily. “I love you too.”

Date night was made even more special when they woke up the next morning to breaking news about one Sebastian Morgenstern. Alec clicked on the first link he saw.

_Breaking news as Sebastian Morgenstern — who briefly made his debut as an actor in a serious of notoriously badly received rom-coms before becoming an even more notorious gossip columnist — was arrested in his New York offices late last night. It was reported this morning that both Sebastian and his father have been arrested for —_

Magnus knocked the tablet out of Alec’s hands before he could finish reading the article.

“Hey, I was reading that,” Alec said, turning in his chair at the breakfast table and grabbing Magnus, hauling him close.

Magnus sat on his lap, grinning as he wrapped his arms around Alec’s neck. His eyes were bright, his face free of makeup as he was still dressed in nothing but his silk pajama pants. Hair a soft, fluffy mess atop his head, a look that never failed to make Alec’s heart skip, knowing he was one of the only people who ever got to see Magnus like this.

“What does it matter why he was arrested?” Magnus asked, running his fingers through the hair at the nap of Alec’s neck, his other hand resting over Alec’s heart as he leaned their foreheads together. “He’s gone. And Hodge is drowning under lawsuits. Personally, I’d rather never think of either of them again.”

Alec’s mouth curved up slowly. “Yeah? And what would you rather think about instead?”

Magnus leaned closer, just barely brushing his lips across Alec’s. Running his hand along Alec’s newly clean-shaven face. “You,” he whispered before pressing a kiss to Alec’s lips. “Preferably with less clothes,” he added, kissing each of Alec’s cheeks, his forehead, his nose. “In our sex dungeon.”

Alec snorted, hands tightening on Magnus’ hips. He rested his forehead against Magnus’ chest, shaking his head. “We don’t have a sex dungeon.”

Magnus sighed, kissing the top of Alec’s head. “And whose fault is that?”

Alec looked up, arching an eyebrow. “Mine?”

Magnus nodded sadly. “I guess we’ll just have to go lie in bed and cuddle instead.”

Alec’s mouth curved up in a smile as he rubbed their noses together. “Sounds like a date.”

***

Magnus quickly lost himself to the hecticness that was life on tour, every other night a different city, screaming crowds and fancy hotels, mediocre food and laughter shared behind the scenes. Days off were spent on airplanes to visit Alec when he could manage or else lying around the tour bus with Isabelle, Simon, Raphael, and Maia, writing songs and watching too much Netflix, complaining loudly when Raphael dragged him to the gym.

He and Alec tried to keep to their talking once a day rule but it wasn’t a big deal anymore when they couldn’t swing it, they’d text before shows, between scenes while Alec was on set. Leave each other good morning voice mails and facetime whenever they could even when it was just five minutes snatched at lunch or between scenes, but it was easy now. Or not easy but… But now they were all in. And even when it was hard, they just kept going. It would be a lie to say it was always perfect, effortless, because there were times when two weeks passed, and Magnus just wanted to talk to his boyfriend, to _see_ him, hold him close and kiss him, and they couldn’t because of their busy schedules but they worked through it because that’s what they had to do. They were both living their dreams and they wouldn’t let the fact that that meant they couldn’t always see each other often get in the way of their relationship again.

It would get easier eventually. Magnus’ U.S. and Canada tour was nearly over before he knew it and he’d have two months off before starting his overseas tour, with just a few performances here and there. They already had plans, they’d been in the same place at the same time for weeks. They’d finally finish setting up the apartment and go on vacation to Rome. Then Alec would go on tour with him for a bit after he finished filming the first half of season two, there’d be lots of flights back and forth for different things, but Magnus had a good feeling about it all, he thought they’d finally figured it out. It would be hard at times, scheduling things months in advance, date nights inevitably falling through the cracks here and there, but what relationship wasn’t hard sometimes? It didn’t matter as long as they didn’t let it get to them. All that mattered was that this time, they were sure enough — about each other, about being together — and they knew their relationship was strong enough that they could get through anything, everything. They’d figure it out just like they had been. It was _working_. And Magnus had never been happier.

***

It happened randomly, seamlessly. Alec didn’t even see it coming. It took him by complete surprise; stealing the breath from his lungs. He’d thought about it before, of course, but always as a distant thought. A surety that it would come in time but he didn’t think that time would be so soon. Which was stupid, in hindsight, because why wouldn’t it be? They’d been back together for nearly a year now – counting their fake relationship which Alec did because, without it, this might have never happened. They were living together. They’d spent the last month in the same place, vacationing between work obligations and enjoying themselves. Everything was good. More than good. Still, it took Alec by surprise.

They were lying in bed in a hotel in London where Magnus kicked off the European leg of his tour, it was late into the night or early in the morning, depending on how you looked at it. It was a nice hotel room with high ceilings and pristine cream-colored sheets, a sitting room through the double doors that led to the bedroom, light filtering in through the windows, dimly lighting the room. They’d gotten in just a bit ago, Alec had come out of the shower to find Magnus reading something on his phone, already in bed. He’d leaned down to kiss Magnus’ cheek, muttering “You know, you don’t have to wear my shirts to feel close to me when I’m right here,” before climbing in bed next to him.

Magnus looked up with a smirk. “Maybe I just like your clothes. They’re so…bland but so comfy.”

Alec snorted, rolling his eyes. It happened when Magnus set his phone down, turning to face Alec in bed, lit only by the glow of the city outside the windows. It wasn’t anything new, it was just a normal night. Lying in bed, talking softly. About Tessa, who was joining Magnus on this leg of the tour. About Jace and Clary who were moving in together back in New York. About that movie they’d seen last week that Magnus was still worked up over, making Alec smile at him as he rehashed the same thing over and over again. And everything kind of just froze for a minute, growing bright, suddenly crystal clear.

It was a quiet moment. A revelation but not really. Just a sudden, small thought in the back of Alec’s mind. He was overwhelmed with a rush of love as he watched Magnus grow more worked up, ranting about how the movie just made no sense and did it even have a plot? And Alec just thought, staring at Magnus, heart beating happily, that he loved this man so much; that he wanted to spend his whole life listening to him rant about movies and sing and laugh and fight and love and he didn’t want to spend a single night away from him that he didn’t have to. He just thought that he really, really wanted to marry him and spend the rest of his life with him.

Alec’s breath caught in his throat for a minute. He wanted to marry Magnus. And it was stupid because it shouldn’t have been a surprise because _obviously_ , he’d known that for a long time now, but the thing was, it wasn’t a distant thought, a vague ‘one day I want to marry him’. It was a thought of rings already floating through his mind, thoughts racing, thinking about when he could do it, when he could ask Magnus. It made his heart thud about because he didn’t want to do it sometime in the distant future, he wanted to propose now. Not right now but as soon as he could put together the perfect proposal. Soon. He wanted to marry Magnus.

It was a big thought but not a scary one. It wasn’t even the littlest bit frightening because it was inevitable, wasn’t it? This was what they’d been moving toward this whole time, for years now, since their very first kiss. They’d even talked about it a few times. It was always a distant thing, but it didn’t have to be, did it? Alec had finished filming the first half of season two, he had some time off besides some appearances here and there, promo stuff for Downworlders, and a few auditions. Magnus was on his European tour after having nearly two months off that they spent co-existing together, including a much-needed vacation that led them all over the world, and now Alec was on tour with him for a bit. They were happy. They were in love. So why shouldn’t they get married?

Alec winced, drawn out of his thoughts as Magnus pinched his side. Focusing on Magnus, Alec glared, tugging him close under the blankets and leaning over him threateningly, ready to tickle him as he squirmed, laughing as he tried to get away.

“What was that for?” Alec asked, catching Magnus’ hands with a laugh. He loved Magnus like this, face bare, hair a fluffy mess that was still somehow far more stylish than Alec’s hair, wearing one of Alec’s shirts, eyes bright and soft as he stared at Alec, a smirk curling up his mouth. He loved these simple, quiet moments between them, lying in bed, talking or not, just…being with each other. He wouldn’t trade pillow talk for anything in the world.

“You seemed distracted,” Magnus said, tugging out of Alec’s grip to wrap his arms around Alec’s middle and tug him closer. There was a curious look in his eyes as he leaned up to press a kiss to the corner of Alec’s mouth. “What were you thinking about?” he asked.

Alec ducked, kissing Magnus softly before lying back on his pillow, tugging Magnus until he rested against Alec, his head on Alec’s chest, their hands clasped loosely.

“Come on, tell me,” Magnus whispered, looking up at Alec as he kissed his bare side.

Alec felt a smile curl up his mouth as he shook his head. “Nope. Sorry.”

Magnus’ eyes narrowed, mouth turning down in a small frown. After a moment, he sighed, pulling away slightly. “Fine, don’t tell me,” he said with an edge of humor, turning away from Alec and scooting down in bed. “Good night, Alexander.”

Alec bit back a laugh, turning into Magnus and wrapping his arm around his middle. He leaned over Magnus’ shoulder, kissing his cheek. “It’s a surprise,” he whispered, feeling his heart kick up dust as it raced off. He couldn’t breathe for a minute as he realized it wasn’t just a thought in his mind, he’d made up his mind. This was real. He was really going to do this.

“A surprise?” Magnus asked, perking up. He turned back to Alec, eyes shining. “For me?”

Alec nodded, biting back a grin. He leaned down, kissing Magnus slowly. Not a leading kiss, just a simple hello, I love you. Turning around, he got settled against the pillows, tugging at Magnus until he rolled over as well, pulling Magnus’ arm around him. Magnus laughed softly, “Is this your way of telling me it’s your turn to be the small spoon?”

“Obviously,” Alec smirked.

Magnus laughed, kissing Alec’s shoulder before settling down behind him. “Love you,” he whispered against Alec’s skin.

Alec couldn’t it help it then, smiling wider than ever. “Love you too,” he said, thinking, _I’m going to marry you one day._

***

They were strolling down the street after a romantic dinner, hands clasped and Magnus thought, he was so happy. Magnus thought that he wanted to spend the rest of his life this happy, with Alec. He turned to him, tugging him close and kissing him deeply, fingers trailing through his hair, his other hand resting over Alec’s heart.

Alec eyes were bright, shining when they pulled away. He was slightly out of breath when he asked, “What was that for?”

Magnus shrugged, smiling softly. “Because I love you,” he said simply.

A bright, stupidly happy smile turned up Alec’s mouth, making Magnus’ heart skip. He kissed Magnus lightly. “I love you too.”

Lacing their hands back together, Magnus turned, continuing down the street, Alec right at his side.

***

“Will you be at the concert tomorrow?” Magnus asked. To most people, Magnus would sound perfectly normal but even over the phone Alec could hear the longing edge to his voice and it made Alec smile because Magnus was missing him just as much as he was missing Magnus.

Alec was in L.A., doing reshoots for Downworlders, had been for two weeks and before that he’d visited Jace for a few days where he was filming a new movie, meaning it’d been almost three weeks since Alec had seen Magnus. He wouldn’t let anything get in the way of him being at the concert.

“Of course, I’ll be backstage, the one making heart eyes at you all night.”

Magnus laughed. “I love you, sweetcheeks.”

Alec laughed, shaking his head. “Love you too,” he replied slipping his phone away before looking back up at the cashier.

“I assume that was who the ring is for,” the woman said, smiling knowingly.

Alec glanced down at the ring, face flushing. “Yeah.”

***

“Thank you, darling,” Magnus said, kissing Maia on the cheek before she left his dressing room to go finish getting ready herself. He turned to the mirror, adjusting his waistcoat as Maia slipped out the door.

He checked the time, he had about fifteen minutes until he had to prepare to go on. Grabbing his phone, he opened his messages, frowning when he didn’t find one from Alec, confirming that he’d arrived. His heart sank slightly, figuring something must’ve come up. His flight was delayed or he missed the plane, maybe?

The door opened behind him but Magnus didn’t bother looking up. “Finally,” he teased. “You know I can’t go on without my tea, Luke.”

Slipping his phone away after typing out a quick message to Alec, Magnus turned around only to come up short, a grin instantly spreading across his face.

“I brought your tea,” Alec said, smiling crookedly and holding out a cup.

Magnus shook his head, staring at his boyfriend like he was crazy because he was, before crossing to take his tea. “Cutting it close, Lightwood,” he said, leaning in to kiss Alec softly before pulling back to look him up and down. He arched an eyebrow at the fact that Alec was dressed in a suit but said nothing, too busy appreciating the view.

Alec looked down, staring at Magnus’ hands before looking back up with a strange look on his face. “I know.”

“Don’t look so worried, love,” Magnus whispered, leaning up to kiss Alec, his heart singing happily now that they were back together. “You got here in plenty of time.”

“Good,” Alec said, eyes remaining closed for a moment before he took a deep breath and opened them again. “Because I was hoping to do something and I’d kind of like to do it now because if I don’t I probably won’t breathe until after the concert.”

Smiling crookedly, Magnus narrowed his eyes. “What are you talking about?” he asked, running his hand that wasn’t holding his tea down Alec’s arm comfortingly, linking their fingers together.

“When do you go on?” Alec asked. “Do you have time?”

Magnus didn’t even bother glancing at the clock, smiling as he squeezed Alec’s hand. “For you? Always.”

Alec swallowed dryly, eyes closing for a moment like he was trying to ground himself.

“Is everything okay?” Magnus asked, growing concerned.

When Alec opened his eyes again they were bright and intent on Magnus. “Everything is perfect. Or it will be. Hopefully.”

Standing up straighter, Alec shook out his shoulders before letting go of Magnus’ hand to reach into his pocket. Magnus frowned, thoroughly confused until his eyes dropped, landing on what Alec had retrieved from his pocket.

“I know you’re about to go on and maybe this isn’t the best time to do this but…” Alec shook his head, eyes growing soft. “I couldn’t wait any longer. I’ve been trying, I swear, but I just – I can’t. I have something I kind of want to ask you, if you’re okay with that.”

Magnus’ heart had stopped the second he saw the small, unmistakable box resting on Alec’s palm. His knees went weak, hand tightening around his cup of tea. Was this really happening? “Alexander…”

Alec stepped closer, reaching out for Magnus’ hand. Magnus looked up, and Alec was smiling this soft smile that made his heart kickstart back into gear, skipping around his chest and Magnus was suddenly so very aware of the fact that this was real, it was happening. He met Alec’s hazel eyes, searching but not finding an ounce of hesitation or worry. He was completely sure.

“I’ll only ask if you want me to,” he whispered, leaning in to kiss Magnus’ cheek.

It was impossible to think in that moment. He was caught completely off guard. Luckily, it wasn’t something he really needed to think about.

Swallowing, Magnus licked his lips. “Ask,” he whispered, the word barely more than a soft exhale.

Alec smiled softly, squeezing Magnus’ hand before letting go.

“So, here goes,” Alec started, letting out a short, breathy laugh, fiddling with the box in his hands before stilling and meeting Magnus’ gaze again.

Magnus breathed in deeply. Everything about this man before him was so achingly familiar and yet here he was, surprising Magnus once again. Magnus could do nothing but map his face, the way the bright lights in the dressing room made his features look sharper than ever, the way he never once looked away from Magnus, doing his best to memorize every detail of this moment.

“The last months — the last year — since we got back together… Have been the best of my life,” Alec said, his voice didn’t waver, soft and sure, his eyes open and filled with so much love that Magnus briefly forgot how to breathe. “And not because I got the role in Downworlders and not because the show got picked up for a second season. But because I spent it with you.”

Magnus smiled, shaking head. His heart raced. He thought he should open his mouth, say something, tell Alec he felt the same but he couldn’t seem to do it, suddenly speechless as Alec looked at him like they were the only two people in the entire world.

“Before,” Alec continued after taking a deep breath. “I was selfish and stupid. I was scared and, honestly, I hated having to share you with the world. But now, I know that you wouldn’t be you without your career and your music, just like I wouldn’t be me without my acting. And I know it’s hard, a lot, and it sucks being apart so often, but, Magnus,” Alec paused to swallow, shaking his head slowly. There wasn’t an ounce of hesitation in his eyes, no sign of uncertainty when he continued. “There’s one thing I’ve known for as long as I’ve known you – even if I didn’t realize it right away, even if I stupidly forgot it and ignored it for two years. And that is that I am completely and totally in love with you and that’s never going to change, and I don’t want it to. I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

Magnus honestly couldn’t remember how to breathe as Alec dropped to one knee in front of him, slowly opening the small box. “Magnus Bane, will you marry me?”

Magnus opened his mouth just as the door opened. Raphael, Isabelle, Maia, and Luke all came up short. Isabelle squealed before throwing a hand over her mouth.

“I thought you were doing it after,” Raphael said, rolling his eyes.

Alec didn’t once glance away from Magnus, shrugging. “I couldn’t wait.”

Magnus covered his face with a hand, shaking his head.

“Well, I hate to break this up, but you have to go on now,” Luke said, smiling softly at Magnus and if Magnus wasn’t mistaken, those were tears pooling in his eyes.

They backed out of the room, leaving the door open. Magnus shook his head again. Taking Alec’s hand, he tugged him back to his feet, staring at the ring for a moment – a white gold band encrusted with small diamonds – his heart beating incredibly hard and fast. He met Alec’s gaze, leaning in to kiss him softly.

“Wait for me?” he asked. He knew his answer. Of course, he knew his answer. He knew before Alec even asked, before he even realized Alec was going to ask, but he didn’t want to rush this and he had a show to put on.

Alec nodded, smiling, eyes twinkling. Magnus kissed his cheek before leaving. Somehow, it was harder to walk away from Alec for the next two hours that it was when he was walking away for him for weeks at a time.

Magnus performed, of course he did, and he was amazing, if he did say so himself. But he had no memory of the concert afterward, far too focused on the man waiting for him backstage with an unanswered question. Magnus was buzzing with excitement, unable to stop grinning as he waited backstage to go back on for his encore when in his mind he was already back in the dressing room with Alec.

As soon as the last notes faded, Magnus bowed to his fans, professing his love for them before quickly slipping backstage to find Alec.

***

Alec paced back and forth in Magnus’ dressing room. He hadn’t exactly answered. He could tell Magnus hadn’t known what to say, to think but Alec — Alec was completely serious, so sure. But what if it was too soon? What if Magnus wasn’t ready? Had he fucked it all up?

Alec was so lost in his thoughts, he nearly tripped when the door opened slowly and Magnus slipped into the room. He shut the door, leaning back against it, eyes on Alec, searching for something. He was dressed in tight pants and a dark red shirt with a gray waistcoat, clothes slick to his sweat-drenched body. Alec barely noticed as he stared back at Magnus, who offered a small smile.

“Is everything a competition?” he finally said, breaking the silence with a smirk. “I asked you to move in with me, so you had to outdo me and beat me to proposing?”

Alec smiled, relieved even as his heart continued to throb, pounding around in his chest. “I like competing against you,” he whispered.

Magnus snorted, shaking his head. “Me too,” he admitted, pushing off from the door and crossing to Alec who didn’t dare move an inch, waiting.

They stared at each other a moment before Alec found his voice again. “You didn’t answer,” he said softly. “Not really.”

Magnus closed his eyes, grinning in disbelief. He shook his head for a minute before moving around Alec, heading to the bottle of champagne waiting on the side bar before changing his mind and turning back to Alec. He searched Alec again like he was looking for some sign that he wasn’t serious. Alec stared right back, not batting an eye.

“Alexander,” Magnus started, not a yes, not a no, somewhere in between. “Are you serious? I mean — it’s not too soon? You — you’re not doing this just because you missed me?”

Alec crossed the last of the space between them, reaching out to brush a strand of hair off Magnus’ forehead, thinking he’d never seen Magnus look so beautiful, covered in sweat, makeup beginning to smear under his eyes, staring at Alec like he was completely insane but with this small smile lingering at the corner of his mouth like he was so close to saying yes. Alec trailed his hand down Magnus’ arm, grabbing his hand, needing to touch him.

“I _did_ miss you, but I’ve never been so sure about anything in my life,” he said, voice soft, there was no need to be loud, standing so close. “It’s not too fast, it’s been a year and it’s long overdue. We’ve been doing this for months now, Magnus, _years_. And I know — I _know,_ I love you. I’ve loved you every moment of my life since the second we first kissed, and I’m not exaggerating, and I’m not caught up in the moment. I _love_ you, Magnus. Impossibly more than I did two years ago, more than I did two days ago and it’s not going to change, ever,” Alec said, barely aware of what he was saying, shaking his head slowly, hoping Magnus saw just how sincere he was.

He took a moment to breathe before finishing. “I — I’ve known in some way since we first started dating, since this all started again, that I — I want to be with you forever. That I want to marry you. And I’ll wait, if it’s what you want of course I’ll wait and you can ask me when you’re ready but if you’re worried I might change my mind…that’s impossible.”

Magnus was shaking his head again, a smile fighting to break out across his face that made Alec lose his breath because he knew, he knew right then, what Magnus’ answer was. He’d never really doubted it but it was different, knowing he was about to hear it. His heart crashing against his chest.

Magnus closed his eyes, sighing. “God,” he whispered. “Screw you, Lightwood.”

Alec laughed when Magnus slipped his hand to the back of Alec’s neck, pulling him into a crushing kiss.

“You’re too good at this,” Magnus said, pulling away to glare, Alec’s hands resting on his hips, thumbs rubbing small circles on his skin. “How did I ever resist you?”

“I have no idea,” Alec smirked. “Probably better than I ever resisted you.”

Magnus sighed, resting their foreheads together. “I don’t want to wait,” he admitted, voice barely a whisper. “But I wanted to propose.”

Alec bit his lip, trying, really trying, not to grin but it didn’t matter, his heart was skipping around, pulse racing and he couldn’t help but smile, leaning in to kiss Magnus again. “I’m sorry,” he whispered against Magnus’ lips.

“No, you’re not,” Magnus whispered. Alec laughed as they kissed again, both grinning too wide for it to work well.

Alec pulled back, searching Magnus’ eyes. “Sooo…” he whispered.

“So?” Magnus parroted, raising an eyebrow and smirking.

“Is that a yes?”

“A yes?”

Alec shook his head. “You’re going to make me ask again?”

“Ask what, Alexander?” Magnus frowned. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Alec leaned in close, letting his mouth hover over Magnus’, eyes closed as he asked. “Will you marry me, you as—” Before he could finish, Magnus tugged him in, lips crashing together in a wave of emotions. Alec’s heart felt set to burst as he melted into the kiss, tugging Magnus closer, tilting his head to deepen the kiss until his mind caught up.

“Magnus,” Alec laughed, pulling away only for Magnus to chase his lips. “Answer,” he demanded.

Magnus glared at him, impatient as he pulled Alec into another kiss. “Didn’t I already say yes?” he asked between kisses.

“Not really, no.”

“Idiot,” Magnus muttered. “Yes, of course I’ll marry you.”

“God,” Alec groaned, pulling out of Magnus’ grip. “If you’re going to call me names, maybe I’ll just return this?” he said, pulling the ring out of his pocket and dangling it in front of Magnus’ face.

Magnus shrugged. Waving it away to bring Alec close again. “I don’t need a ring,” he whispered before their lips met. “I just need you.”

Alec opened his mouth to Magnus, their kiss a mess of tongues and lips as they tried not to laugh. Alec grabbed Magnus’ left hand as they kissed, slipping the ring on his finger, heart racing.

Magnus pulled back to look down at his hand, grinning so wide and bright Alec forgot to breathe. “I love you, Alexander.”

Alec leaned in, kissing him lightly. “I love you too.”

***

“I can’t believe you proposed to me at my own concert,” Magnus said. They were lying on the couch in Magnus’ hotel room. Magnus hadn’t even stayed long enough to shower and change at the venue. Luke arranged for a car to pick them up and they went straight to the hotel. Showering together before ordering champagne and cake, celebrating with the Chairman who let his happiness be known by licking the ring when Magnus showed it to him.

Leaning close to Alec, his legs in Alec’s lap, turned to face him with his head resting on Alec’s shoulder, their free hands clasped together loosely, Magnus couldn’t think of a moment he’d ever felt so content, staring down at the ring on his finger.

“Sorry,” Alec whispered, pulling his hand up to press a kiss to it.

Magnus shook his head. “Don’t you dare apologize.”

He looked up at Alec who was staring at him with this soft, open look Magnus had never seen before. Like… Like he was looking at the rest of his life, already knowing he’d have no regrets. Magnus breathed in sharply, shivering as Alec’s fingers ran across his palm.

Alec eyes dropped to Magnus’ lips, he licked his own before looking back up, into Magnus’ eyes. “Is this real?” he whispered, his hand coming up to cup Magnus’ face.

Magnus smiled, turning to kiss Alec’s palm. “Yeah, it is,” he said, a grin spreading across his face. “I’m going to marry you and you’re going to marry me and we’re going to be so, so happy.”

Alec’s eyes shone. “I like the sound of that.”

“Me too,” Magnus said, moving his legs from Alec’s lap to sit up before turning to straddle Alec, sliding his hands back in Alec’s hair. Alec blinked up at him, his eyelashes brushing his cheeks, hazel eyes soft and filled with wonder. Magnus’ heart ached but it was a good kind of ache. An exciting flutter filling his chest. This was not how he’d thought the night would go, not how he thought this would happen, he’d always imagined being the one to propose and planned on doing it in the cheesiest manner possible but, in the end, it didn’t really matter. Maybe he’d still propose. Maybe they’d spend the next five years proposing or maybe they’d spend them planning a giant wedding or maybe they’d elope next month, with just their friends and family. All that really mattered, was that Magnus had never loved someone more than he loved Alec, could never imagine loving someone else even half as much. All that mattered was that he wanted to spend the rest of his life waking up in bed next to Alec. All that mattered was that this was real, this was happening. It wasn’t some dream they’d wake up from the next day. Even the wedding didn’t really matter. It was a formality. It was them officially declaring to everyone else that they were it for each other, that they were going to spend the rest of their lives together, loving and fighting, together through it all. And Magnus wanted that – gods, he wanted to marry Alec almost more than he’d ever wanted anything else –but also. They’d already told each other all these things, already made these promises – silently, with words, with touches – they’d already started their lives together, months, maybe even years, before. They were just finally making it official.

Magnus spared one thought for the two years they spent apart, marveling at the fact that a year before they were running into each other for the first time in two years. Vividly remembering what it had felt like to see Alec again, to be reminded of all he’d felt for Alec and everything bad that had happened. He remembered it, felt it, for one moment and then he let it go. Those two years didn’t matter. The next two were what mattered and the two after that and the two after that for the rest of their lives.

Magnus blinked, bringing himself back to the moment. Alec watched him with a small smile, like he knew exactly what Magnus was thinking, thumbs rubbing circles where his hands rested on Magnus’ hips.

“I love you, Alexander,” he whispered, leaning in close. “And I can’t wait to marry you.”

They’d shared hundreds of kisses. Soft ones, slow ones. Leading ones, heated ones. And everything in between. But Magnus would never forget this kiss, their mouths moving together softly, familiarly, surrounded by the surety of their love for each other, the air sizzling with the possibilities that their futures held, together.

Magnus wasn’t even angry when there was a sudden barrage of knocking at the door. Laughing as Alec moved him out of his lap to go answer the door. He watched Alec walk, sweats hanging low on his hips, an old red shirt riding up slightly at the back. Magnus bit his lip, staring for a moment at his boyfriend — no, his fiancé’s ass.

“Stop looking at my ass,” Alec called before opening the door.

Magnus snorted.

Raphael made a disgusted face as he pushed past Alec.

“Biscuit!” Magnus shouted, coming to his feet as the whole group poured in. Raphael followed by Ragnor, Isabelle, Maia, Simon, Jace, Clary, and Luke. “What are you doing here?” Magnus demanded, pulling Clary into a tight hug.

Clary laughed, beaming at him as she quickly pulled away, grabbing his hand to look at the ring. “Alec called, he asked Simon, Jace, and I to come out for the concert but he did not tell us he was going to _propose_ ,” she squealed, practically jumping in place.

Magnus couldn’t help but grin, staring over Clary’s head at Alec and shaking his head slowly. Of course, Alec had thought to bring Clary out.

“We brought champagne,” Luke called, holding up four bottles.

The room was a blur of activity and noise, everyone talking over each other, congratulating the two of them. Simon tugged Magnus into a hug while Isabelle berated Alec for telling Raphael his plans and not her. “I didn’t want everyone to know before Magnus!”

“I could’ve helped pick out the ring,” Isabelle said, slapping his arm.

“Hey! I think I managed to do okay on my own,” Alec replied, looking to Magnus for confirmation.

Magnus glanced down at the ring, it was simple, elegant, flashy but not too flashy. He looked back up and shrugged. “Eh.”

Alec’s face fell and Magnus laughed, moving to his side and slipping his arm around Alec’s back. “I’m joking,” he whispered, leaning up to kiss the corner of Alec’s mouth. “I love it, Alexander. Truly. It’s perfect.”

Alec shook his head but he was smiling again, leaning down to kiss Magnus.

“Okay, enough of that. We gave you plenty of time to do that before barging in,” Jace said, bringing them each a glass of champagne.

Magnus leaned his head against Alec’s shoulder as Alec slipped his arm around him, holding him close to Alec’s side, like he’d ever consider moving away if he didn’t have to.

“Speech!” Simon called out, hoisting his glass in the air before turning to Luke and inclining his head.

Luke looked to Magnus and Alec, clearing his throat before talking. “To Magnus and Alec, we couldn’t be happier for you, and proud that you finally got your acts together.”

Alec snorted, turning to press a kiss to Magnus’ head as Magnus flipped Luke off.

“Seriously though,” Clary teased. “It took you long enough.”

“To Magnus and Alec,” Simon shouted, raising his glass again.

“To Magnus and Alec,” the others cheered, raising their glasses before drinking.

Magnus couldn’t stop smiling, face flushed with happiness. He turned to Alec, raising his glass to him.

Alec’s eyes shined, his hair was messier than usual, still wet from the shower. There were dark circles under his eyes from jet lag but he’d never looked more beautiful to Magnus as he smiled at him, raising his glass to clink against Magnus’.

“To us,” he whispered, a toast and a promise.

“To us,” Magnus echoed, ignoring the champagne and tilting his head, capturing Alec lips against his, allowing everything else to melt away.

***

**One year later.**

 

_According to an inside source, actor Alec Lightwood, best known for his award-winning performance in Downworlders, and four-time Grammy-winning pop superstar Magnus Bane, were married in a small, intimate ceremony over the weekend._

“Why do you still read those trashy articles?” Alec asked, coming up behind Magnus where he sat on the balcony of the house on the beach on a small, private island where they’d been married the day before.

“Because, I love to see the people speculate about us,” Magnus grinned, tilting his head for a kiss that Alec willingly gave him.

Setting their breakfast down on the table, Alec sat across from Magnus, kicking at him lightly under the table when he went back to reading. Magnus sighed, setting his iPad aside.

“Can I help you?” he asked, picking up a strawberry off his plate.

Alec shook his head, snorting. “Excuse me for wanting to spend some quality time with my _husband_.”

Magnus smirked, arching an eyebrow. “Was last night not enough quality time for you?”

Alec shrugged. “Maybe it wasn’t.”

Magnus stood, circling the table to sit across Alec’s lap. The sun was up and shining, the water lapped against the beach less than a five-minute walk away, perfectly blue, crystal clear water. The breeze was warm, blowing Magnus’ hair into his face as he settled against Alec, looping his arms around Alec’s neck. The sky was clear, nothing but a few puffy white clouds to ruin the perfect day. They had the next two weeks here, just the two of them, more than ready to start their lives together as husbands. Alec still couldn’t quite believe it. They’d done it. Finally.

“Have I mentioned how much I love the tan, Mr. Lightwood-Bane?” Magnus asked, running the fingers of one hand down Alec’s chest where the light blue, short sleeve button up he was wearing was unbuttoned, revealing his tanner than usual skin.

Alec smirked, running his hand up under Magnus’ shirt. “You have,” he whispered, leaning in to kiss Magnus’ jaw.

“Good, because I do,” Magnus grinned, turning his head down to kiss Alec, both of them still grinning.

“Would you care to retire to the bedroom, Mr. Lightwood-Bane?” Magnus asked a few minutes later, their breakfast growing cold but neither one noticing nor caring.

Alec smiled against Magnus’ lips. He’d never get tired of hearing Magnus say that. He pulled back just far enough to answer, “After you, Mr. Lightwood-Bane.”

***

_Magnus Bane seemed to confirm his marriage to movie star Alec Lightwood this evening, posting the picture below, showing the two of them standing on the beach at sunset, foreheads resting together, smiles on their faces with a caption that reads: First full day as Mr. And Mr. Lightwood-Bane couldn’t have been more perfect if we tried._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, THANK YOU ALL FOR READING THIS! Please do let me know what you thought of the ending or any favorite lines or parts in the comments! You can also yell at me on [Tumblr @imawriteriwrite](http://imawriteriwrite.tumblr.com/) any time. Thanks for sticking it out with me. <3<3<3
> 
> P.s. I have a few other ongoing fics if you're interested. ;)


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